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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 714941 times)

hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1845 on: March 04, 2015, 04:08:29 am »

What do you call a society ruled by folk musicians?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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she/her. (Pronouns vary over time.) The artist formerly known as Objective/Cinder.

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a1s

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1846 on: March 04, 2015, 11:05:12 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
in a similar vein:
A judge come out of the Hall of Justice laughing. A colleague asks him why he is laughing, so he replies:
- I just heard the most amazing joke.
- Will you tell it [to me]?
- Are you crazy? I just sentenced a man to 10 years for that!

A new prisoner arrives to the soviet prison, so the inmates start asking him questions:
- How many years did they give you?
- 10 - he says.
- What did you do?
- Nothing.
- You're lying - the inmates say- they only give 5 years for nothing.

And finally this one is not very good (so it fits right in, see?) but I like the flow:

Two men are in a tram in the 1950s. One asks the other:
- Do you know what the difference is between Earth and Space? A dog's life is ended it space but it continues on Earth.
- Ah -says the other - but do you know what the difference is between you and this tram? The tram will go on it's way, but you're going with me. - he pulls out his KGB id.
- Oh -says the first again- but do you know what the difference is between you and me? None at all. - he also pulls out his KGB id.
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I tried to play chess but two of my opponents were playing competitive checkers as a third person walked in with Game of Thrones in hand confused cause they thought this was the book club.

Comrade P.

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1847 on: March 04, 2015, 01:17:08 pm »

Two men are in a tram in the 1950s. One asks the other:
- Do you know what the difference is between Earth and Space? A dog's life is ended it space but it continues on Earth.
- Ah -says the other - but do you know what the difference is between you and this tram? The tram will go on it's way, but you're going with me. - he pulls out his KGB id.
- Oh -says the first again- but do you know what the difference is between you and me? None at all. - he also pulls out his KGB id.

That's... good. So good.
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Sigs

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Tack

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1848 on: March 04, 2015, 01:26:02 pm »

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Latvian.
Latvian who?
Please Latvian, Is so cold.

That's right, it's post-soviet kicking bag country joke time!

Spoiler: Yeah, it's kinda dark (click to show/hide)



Edit: For those that don't enjoy being triggered, the wood shop post in the sad thread caused me to think up this scorcher.

Once upon a time Jim was about to eat a hotdog when he saw a sauce bottle with a lightning bolt on it. He knew it was hotsauce, but was really curious about it, so he tried to open the squeeze top, causing it to spill on his arm- and it stung! Startled, Jim went to wash off, but saw that it had left a nasty rash.

The next day when he woke up, he noticed that his rash had worsened. Not only had it gotten darker, but it had seemed to localize on two equidistant spots on his forearm. Curious, he touched one of the sores on his arm, but he didn't feel anything. Touching the other one yielded a similar result, but when he touched them both together, they zapped him!

Curious about this new source of electricity, Jim hid his arm wounds all through the day at school until Shop Class. Spotting an electric saw, he grabbed the power cable and Jammed It Straight Into His Arm!
The saw whirred into life, and then Jimmy immediately dropped dead, drained of energy.

The moral of the story is:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: January 21, 2017, 09:32:20 am by Tack »
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Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.

Graknorke

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1849 on: March 04, 2015, 07:53:20 pm »

Two latvian look at sky.
One see potato. Other see impossible dream.
Is same cloud.
Whole sky is cloud. Weather is bad. Latvian are cold.
My sides should not be this far gone at this time of night.
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Cultural status:
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Tack

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1850 on: March 05, 2015, 08:50:36 am »

Why did princess Diana cross the road?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Sentience, Endurance, and Thumbs: The Trifector of a Superpredator.
Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.

timferius

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1851 on: March 05, 2015, 09:55:48 am »

Was going to say, too soon? Then realized it's been 18 bloody years. Half of the members here probably weren't even born when she died...
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Arx

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1852 on: March 05, 2015, 09:59:30 am »

The accident is old enough to drive legally; hopefully it doesn't get drunk.
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hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1853 on: March 05, 2015, 01:14:27 pm »

For a moment I thought Princess Diana was a disney princess. :-[
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she/her. (Pronouns vary over time.) The artist formerly known as Objective/Cinder.

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pisskop

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1854 on: March 05, 2015, 01:34:36 pm »

True fact:  Everybody ever was distraught over her death.  Just like Elvis, Princess Diana shall live in our hearts always. :-\
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1855 on: March 06, 2015, 12:03:20 am »

.-. I don't know who she is
I've just heard about her
I've also heard a terrible joke about her that I half understand but don't really want to say
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origamiscienceguy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1856 on: March 06, 2015, 12:13:32 am »

How does every Russian Joke Start?

Looking over your shoulder.
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Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1857 on: March 06, 2015, 01:45:20 am »

For a moment I thought Princess Diana was a disney princess. :-[
That's a reasonable mistake given that real-life princesses are not normally relevant.
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timferius

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1858 on: March 06, 2015, 02:09:59 pm »

Kids these days *shakes stick*
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4maskwolf

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1859 on: March 06, 2015, 02:12:46 pm »

How does every Russian Joke Start?

Looking over your shoulder.
hehehe.
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