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[Bohandas]

Q. What's semiaquatic, weighs 3300 pounds, and protests nuclear proliferatrion?
A. A Hippiepotamus

[Omeganaut]

What's the first thing a trumpeter does on Sunday morning?

Goes home

What's the first thing a flautist does on Sunday morning?

Sends the Trumpet player home

Bad music jokes here!  Get 'em while they're hot!

[Dutchling]

Some terrible Dutch jokes:

Stapt een olifant op het toneel, toneelstuk.

Komt een terrorist bij een wegrestaurant, weg restaurant.

Staat een stofzuiger op een zandweg, zand weg.

Komt een kinderlokker bij een weeshuis, weg wezen.

[Orange Wizard]

I don't understand Dutch, but those look like puns.

[Eric Blank]

The power of pun transcends languages. There is no escape.

[TheDarkStar]

With my limited dutch reading skills (actually German and English, plus some creativity  ), the first two are:

Comes an elephant over/through(?) a tunnel, stuck. (I don't get the joke here. Is there a meaning I missed?)

A terrorist comes to a way-restaurant. Gone restaurant. (This one is funny because weg means both gone and way/path)

I can't figure out the others.

[Dutchling]

It's not tunnel. Toneel means stage and toneelstuk means play, however stuk means broken. It's funny because pun.

You got the second one.

Explaining jokes makes me want to kill myself so you'll have to figure out the others yourself

[Bohandas]

and now a seasonal joke:

Q. Who wages brutal warfare and likes to punish criminals by mutilating them and impaling their bodies?
A. The Republican party

[Arx]

Komt een terrorist bij een wegrestaurant, weg restaurant.

A terrorist goes to a take away restaurant ("away restaurant"); the restaurant goes away (because it blew up). Edit: heh, TDS reads Dutch differently to me.

Staat een stofzuiger op een zandweg, zand weg.

Run a vacuum cleaner on a... beach? sand road? Anyway, a "sand way", and the sand goes away.

Komt een kinderlokker bij een weeshuis, weg wezen.

I think this is something to do with a paedophile taking away children's innocence or something, but I'm really not sure.

And Dutchling, most of these made me laugh. Terribility license revoked!

[Dutchling]

TDS was right about the restaurant, actually.
Also, the pedo joke is that wegwezen means "getting out" and weg wezen means "gone (are the) orphans" .

More terribleness: I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

[Sergius]

What's a haunted chicken?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A poultry-geist

[Gentlefish]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

To meet the dumbass.

Knock knock.
(who's there?)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The chicken.

[Worldmaster27]

Got this from a friend, I'm pretty sure I misremembered a bit of the wording but the meaning is still there.

Dashing through the sand
with the bomb strapped to my back
I have something nasty planned
for Christmas in Iraq!

[Helgoland]

There was something similar in Germany, to the tune of The Bare Necessities:
    Probier's mal mit Afghanistan - You should try out Afghanistan
    Den Bomben von den Taliban - Try out the Taliban's bombs
    Da sprengst du deine Sorgen in die Luft! - There you'll blow up your sorrows!
    Und wenn du dann im Himmel bist - And when you go to heaven
    Und Gott dir auf die Füße pisst - and God pisses on your feet
    [Forgot the last line - I think it was about blowing him up with a bazooka]

[Noel.se]

Komt een terrorist bij een wegrestaurant, weg restaurant.

A terrorist goes to a take away restaurant ("away restaurant"); the restaurant goes away (because it blew up). Edit: heh, TDS reads Dutch differently to me.

Huh, this works in German as well.

Ein Terrorist kommt in ein Wegerestaurant. Das Restaurant geht weg.

Well, Dutch and German are pretty similar, so it isn't surprising.