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[Bohandas]

The French army after the Germans invaded. Twice.

French army? Dangerous? Well, maybe if you stub your toes on an abandoned tank...

They'll catch you from behind after fleeing all the way around the planet.

[Bohandas]

When Dora the Explorer robbed a convenience store they arrested her talking backpack as an accessory.

[Lord_lemonpie]

What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Hor-crocs

[Dutrius]

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

[Avis-Mergulus]

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

[Dutchling]

Why do grown men hang out with teenage girls?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm sorry I was told by my lawyer not to provide this punchline.

[TherosPherae]

Two men walked into a bar. You'd think the second one would have seen it.

Three priests, an Irishman, a submarine captain, and an army of penguins walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "What is this, some kinda shitty joke?"

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much a pint of Guinness is. The bartender responds "For you? No charge."

Helium walks into a bar and the bartender immediately starts yelling and cursing at him because he skipped out on a huge tab the last time he was there. Helium doesn't react.

Spoiler: What do you do with dead chemists? (click to show/hide)

Barium.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.  "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

(Stolen from Snopes. Fuck them for trying to keep me from stealing their shit by preventing highlighting of text. Just view source and copy-paste from there. As usual, the security prevents only the dumbest quintile from access.)

[Bohandas]

(Stolen from Snopes. Fuck them for trying to keep me from stealing their shit by preventing highlighting of text. Just view source and copy-paste from there. As usual, the security prevents only the dumbest quintile from access.)

They use javascript to do that, so you could do it even more easily by just turning javascript off and reloading the page (if you use Pale Moon or Firefox [and if you still use Firefox you should switch to Pale Moon, its like Firefox was before everyone at Mozilla got invasion-of-the-bodysnatchers-ed by trendy douchebags] there's a couple of add-ons you can download that let you toggle javascript on and off from the toolbar so you don't even have to open the options menu.)

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Can I just prevent certain javascript actions from being taken? Kinda like a popup blocker, except a "prevent highlighting" blocker. Same with right-click prevention, load new page on exit, etc.

[Bohandas]

Can I just prevent certain javascript actions from being taken? Kinda like a popup blocker, except a "prevent highlighting" blocker. Same with right-click prevention, load new page on exit, etc.

I think I saw something like that a while back (I think it was called "right to click" or something of that nature).

There's also an add-on called "YesScript" which blacklists specific websites from using javascript on your browser.

Personally though I find QuickJava (the program mentioned in my previous post) to generally be sufficient.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Can I have a program that will subtract a dollar from the bank account of every person in the company whose fault it is that a bug exists in a piece of software I'm using? Of that dollar, a quarter would go to whoever made the program doing the fining, a quarter would go to me, and 50 cents would go toward paying someone a bounty to slap the offender in person.

People would start to make fucking good software all of a sudden, is what I'm saying.

[Reelya]

Are you kidney? Everyone nose these jokes are getting bladder. Eye can't stomach any more of this tripe. I lung for the days before I knee this thread existed, I've spleen things here I never want to recall.

[Helgoland]

* Helgoland claps

[itisnotlogical]

What does a horse have in common with a fish?

They both die.