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Author Topic: Jellyfish god named Abe  (Read 7648 times)

Nukarama

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #15 on: November 10, 2012, 09:40:30 pm »

This is my new answer if someone asks me about my religion.
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And when the site infiltration feature is done, we can do that thing where two short people disguise themselves as one tall guy in a trenchcoat. Except the two people in question will be halves of the same person.
The perfect disguise.

Kolnukbyne

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #16 on: November 10, 2012, 09:47:58 pm »

The legions of jellyfish poured unto land, riding on giant sponges, the dwarves thought they saw
horror itself when they broke into hell but this was worse.
Abe the jellyfish flew unto the fortress wielding his tentacles with might.
From stonefall trap to magma to cave collapse the jellyfish continued without fear.
The entire military charged at Abe, only to knocked unto walls and be instantly decapitated.
Abe felt no guilt, no remorse, no emotion as he gouged out the eyes of every fortress resident.

A massive green horde of goblins came to lay siege to the fort but Abe ended them with a single
bolt of tentacle lightning, Abe in less than a minute stole 10 steel hammers, 10 adamantine axes, 9 steel crossbows and a ballista.
He told his unholy army to attack a nearby elven settlement and kill each and everyone of their children.

Can... can someone please illustrate this?

This is my new answer if someone asks me about my religion.

As is it mine, brother.

We must write the tenets of the Church of Abe.

Scootagoose

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #17 on: November 10, 2012, 09:52:04 pm »

The legions of jellyfish poured unto land, riding on giant sponges, the dwarves thought they saw
horror itself when they broke into hell but this was worse.
Abe the jellyfish flew unto the fortress wielding his tentacles with might.
From stonefall trap to magma to cave collapse the jellyfish continued without fear.
The entire military charged at Abe, only to knocked unto walls and be instantly decapitated.
Abe felt no guilt, no remorse, no emotion as he gouged out the eyes of every fortress resident.

A massive green horde of goblins came to lay siege to the fort but Abe ended them with a single
bolt of tentacle lightning, Abe in less than a minute stole 10 steel hammers, 10 adamantine axes, 9 steel crossbows and a ballista.
He told his unholy army to attack a nearby elven settlement and kill each and everyone of their children.
I have a new sig.
Edit: Oh Character count~
« Last Edit: November 10, 2012, 10:13:33 pm by Scootagoose »
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MaximumZero

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #18 on: November 10, 2012, 10:19:23 pm »

That's amazing.
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Holy crap, why did I not start watching One Punch Man earlier? This is the best thing.
probably figured an autobiography wouldn't be interesting

noobnubcakes

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #19 on: November 10, 2012, 11:26:26 pm »

Abe came to the elven settlement, making sure that all of the elves were imprisoned, hiding or dead.
Abe was angry about the lack of aesthetics of it all and had his jellyfish make him a skullthrone,
not a nasty, dirty, wet skullthrone, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, bony
skullthrone with nothing in it to eat.
« Last Edit: March 02, 2013, 03:39:26 pm by noobnubcakes »
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To this day the elven warrior castes hunt the enemies of nature for the purpouse of bringing back slain intelligent beings for consumption by their leaders and generals, for the good of nature and the survival of elvenkind.

And that is the story of how napalm was invented.

Pokon

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #20 on: November 11, 2012, 01:28:00 am »



Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Suck it Azathoth, this is my god now.
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A vile force of dark'ness has arrived, led by their champion Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

freeformschooler

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #21 on: November 11, 2012, 02:23:48 am »

Cling, CLANG, cling, CLANG. Why'd the kid have to go and make him steel boots, hm? Little good that did. Wandros rounded the corner and fell to his knees. Couldn't keep running much longer. The blue-stone hall and its black-torch flame stretched on forever in front of him. He could still hear screams from the lake.

He wrestled a waterskin out of his sack and looked inside, the very last sip staring back at him. Tipping the skin over, water trickled onto his face, rushing down his tongue and onto his beard. Wandros laughed, a hearty laugh like an old fat man might, throwing his voice way down the hall and back.

You know, you expect things to make a sound. Real big, scary thing like bears or dragons. Bears growl so you'll get outta there, and dragons roar so you'll stay right where you are. It's near proper manners, really. But then there's fish. Fish! Back at home everyone worried about those goblin thieves, but fish are the real silent killers. You'll just be standing around watching your line and SWOOP, you're a body in the water.

The shoes flew off his feet and hit the wall. Why'd the kid have to go and die, hm? Little good that did either. But no, the kid didn't wanna be saved. Wandros was the "leader," of course. He'd be better off alive, of course. Cling-CLANG. The old Dwarf's fist hit the ground, rattling the chain of fortress politics.

Maybe in a different life, he coulda been something else. A treasure hunter. Maybe a farmer. He hated farmers and their farm parties, but maybe a farmer.

Wandros lifted his hand up and winced. He didn't even look down to see all the places he was opened up. The doctor was dead, too, but that wasn't this thing. That was a different thing. There was always a thing.

For just a moment, he was going to die there in that blue-stone hall with its black-torch flame. But he was standing up before he could ask why, and the hall was dark. The black-torch flame was still burning. Hair stood on his back, pointing to the form behind him. The soundless, Jellyfish form.

The shadow shifted left to right, changing shape each second. Tentacles, many of them. How many? It didn't matter, of course: they each crackled with death. Wandros felt for his axe-shaft and turned back about three degree a second. He was going to face this thing honorably.

"BE SURE."

What was this? Did the thing speak? No, it had no mouth. He heard it in his mind.

"BE SURE YOU PUT YOUR FEET IN THE RIGHT PLACE, THEN STAND FIRM."

Wandros' cloak blew back as he swung around to face Abe. A sparking tentacle flew toward his face, but he sliced straight and dived right. The floating beast raised two more above his head, but Wandros closed his eyes. "Martial Trance," they called it. He could hear the faint sparks from Abe's stingers. One twirled down, but he jumped in seconds. Another came from behind, but he ducked right in time.

"YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF TOMORROW," heard Wandros in his mind. "BY EVADING IT TODAY."

The beast was right. This couldn't go on forever. Eyes still shut, the old Dwarf dived into a somersault toward his fishy foe as the sounds of electricity sparked around him. He was near under Abe now, and hefted his axe for a good, solid throw.

Then Wandros made a mistake. He opened his eyes and saw the large, spiteful beast, embittered with the world and its "laws." He saw that beast migrating far underground, trying to escape, lashing out at every disturbance. He saw himself and wondered why that kid took a stinger for him. Maybe the boy had something Wandros didn't. Maybe he shoulda been the leader instead.

In those final moments, though, Wandros knew how that boy felt. It was a mixture of respect, awe and raw fear. He feared Abe, and he was awed by the Jellyfish god's majesty. For that reason, when Wandros fell forward clutching his stinger-filled wound, he respected the beast as an equal.

Cling. CLANG.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2012, 02:28:31 am by freeformschooler »
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #22 on: November 11, 2012, 08:40:55 am »

The only thing that could have made that better was lungfish.

pivole

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #23 on: November 11, 2012, 12:35:30 pm »

Well. That was suitably extravagant. All there is to do now is find an engraving of abe.
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Kolnukbyne

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #24 on: November 11, 2012, 09:56:43 pm »

I should try to create, in this world, many many engraving-filled fortresses etc., in hopes that one, perhaps, will bare the majesty of Abe.

GoombaGeek

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #25 on: November 11, 2012, 10:12:35 pm »

THE BOOK OF LIKOD: THE PARABLE OF LUNGFISHIA AND SIMILAR HEATHEN GODS

Abe floated before his adoring throngs, deep in his latest rousing speech.

"Lungfishia rises to the east, and the foolish goblins worship it as their levitating salvation. We strike tomorrow, and eradicate Lungfishia's blasphemies for good!"

The dwarves cheered and threw axes with reckless abandon. A stray cheer struck and killed a kitten, and the deafening axes were almost unbearable.

The next day, the dwarves mobilized. Soon, a force of five hundred bearded midgets marched to stab a bunch of goblins to death. But what was above? A blimp? No, it was... Lungfishia!!

"CEASE THIS ASSAULT OR WE WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR FEEBLE GOD WITH A SINGLE STRIKE OF OUR SECRET WEAPON. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED."

Five hundred hastily thrown pebbles failed to hit Lungfishia - it was floating too high! They were helpless! And the goblins had some sort of secret weapon!!

Finishing their brisk march, they happened across the goblin fortress. Embedded in the eldritch obsidian was a new floodgate! The dwarves gathered around to stare at it, for it was a true masterwork. But in one swift motion, the floodgate slammed open and highly pressurized magma shot out at autobahn speed.

Abe leapt, spreading his countless tentacles to protect the dwarves. His natty top hat blocked the flow and sent it back, roaring above the walls of the slick obsidian labyrinth and hitting something that apparently liked to scream and crackle a lot. But the dwarves were still in danger! Thinking fast, Abe knitted five hundred masterful artifact socks out of the sinews of the burning goblins and tossed them across the meadows. Each dwarf instantly picked out a sock in flight with their mysterious "claim-vision" and ran after it, jostling to get the best position. With his short charges out of the way, Abe dove into the magma flow and scooped up a great volume of magma with his bowl-shaped body. Flying back to the trade depot where three years of elven caravans awaited in madness, Abe dumped the conflagratory fluid on the elves, and they screamed as their wooden trade goods erupted into flame (the elves didn't set on fire, they just slowly melted).

But what of Lungfishia? Unable to gain any altitude beyond that of the cosmic river that birthed it, Lungfishia gave in to gravity and dropped into the ocean, swimming away but thinking only of VENGEANCE.
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Mr Space Cat

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #26 on: November 11, 2012, 10:21:16 pm »

Abe vs The Flying Spaghetti Monster: It would be an arm wrestle to end all arm wrestles!

Also, GoombaGeek, there's something about your writing style that screams "Douglas Adams"...

The dwarves cheered and threw axes with reckless abandon. A stray cheer struck and killed a kitten, and the deafening axes were almost unbearable.

Oh wait, it's somethings like that something.
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New account: Spehss _

Loud Whispers

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #27 on: November 11, 2012, 10:45:41 pm »

But what of Lungfishia? Unable to gain any altitude beyond that of the cosmic river that birthed it, Lungfishia gave in to gravity and dropped into the ocean, swimming away but thinking only of VENGEANCE.

Usurpers. You seek to disrupt the natural balance in the trinity?



Fools. Go back to the depths where you belong unorthodox scum. This is where the big fish fly.

MrWillsauce

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #28 on: November 15, 2012, 06:17:23 am »

Now all you need to do is incarnate it, then find Hellboy and have the two fight evil together. Also cats.
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Torchy

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Re: Jellyfish god named Abe
« Reply #29 on: November 15, 2012, 11:58:43 pm »

Speaking of "Name generator spits out surprisingly familiar historical figure name", I'll never forget the best quest I ever received in Adventure Mode.

It was several versions ago, some iteration of DF2010 shortly after Toady added the first Night Creatures (what are now called the Trolls, I think). The world I genned was absolutely overrun with them - after taking out the first bandit leader or two (back when those were still pushovers, and not the invincible death gods they've become recently) my quest targets list was completely dominated by them. As I traveled around the greater area around this capital, hunting down their lairs, I was noticing that all the ones I was being sent after were the offspring, bride-of-X types, and they were all the same type; it seemed like all the trolls besieging my civ were converts made by the same original. (I'll never remember the type ... I think it was Skinless Freak, but it doesn't really matter.) Finally after slaying about 7 or 8 of this mysterious unseen Troll patriarch's offspring I get the big quest -- "You have gained great respect in the eyes of our people," blah blah blah -- to go take out the originator himself. At last, I knew the name of the beast.
My Quest Log recorded in very plain terms what was to be my final mission:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: November 16, 2012, 12:00:37 am by Torchy »
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