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Total Members Voted: 5

[Zrk2]

I would like to be Minister of Technology

Done.

So, VH/VH it is. Any other artificial difficulty we want to add? no savescums or anything?

[Megaman]

Well, if you are indeed the newbie, I think keeping a few saves would be fine unless you're happy with the LP ending with your annexation(might happen, who knows).

Also, I would like to apply for Minister of Foreign Affairs.

[Stworca]

Remember that you need a monarchy to be able to recruit Winged Hussars. Whether or not they're worth it, is up to you.

If it was "1600 hundreds - the game" they would've ruled all battlefields (no. ALL of them) but in the imperial stage it's a bit different.
Still, they offer the heaviest charge in the history of cavalry warfare, and haven't lost (as a unit) a single fight for two centuries. 600 of these curbstomped 10 000 foes in 1621, 7 IX. Which does sound ridiculous even now, but seeing as they mowed down 2-3 lines of infantry with the charge alone, the morale goes and fucks itself.

"Should the heaven itself fall on us, we will hold it with our lances"
Which in reality were 6 meters long, in ETW not so much. They still can charge spikes head on, but less so.

The unit was removed in 1776.

[Seamas]

Make me a common whelp if you would.  An infantryman of the line.  Let's see if I survive a career in cannonfodder!

Glory to the monarch!

[Zrk2]

Make me a common whelp if you would.  An infantryman of the line.  Let's see if I survive a career in cannonfodder!

Glory to the monarch!

One unit of line infantry coming your way!

And Stworca, as I was looking at Poland on the Wiki I saw that they were basically the best cavalry in the game, so that should play to my advantage as RTW and Medieval 2 are all about the cavalry charge. I suppose I'll really have to dick around to find the best stack build with these guys as I'll probably want more cavalry than usual.

[Hanzoku]

Yes, but when every unit of infantry is equipped with guns, the whole charging thing starts to go... badly.

Though cavalry still has a use if you can sneak them around the fight and flank the enemy infantry line while they're busy shooting at yours.

[Mithras]

Could I have a unit of militia? To be replaced with line infantry when enough time has elasped/the militia gets some good battle experience/the unit is wiped out to the man?

[Owlbread]

Go the Ottomans on very hard. It is impossible for me to complete it, and I have spent over 200 hours doing it.

[Zrk2]

Too late; they've got me set up for success with a Poland VH/VH game.

[Owlbread]

Too late; they've got me set up for success with a Poland VH/VH game.

Blast it. Do Ottoman VH/VH next time.

[Zrk2]

Depends on how successful this is an my desire. You can get in on this one though.

[Zrk2]

Double post, bah.

OP has been updated, Ministers please issue your first ridiculous demands. Update One should come Friday night of Saturday morning, and I will allocate units out then. You can still claim a unit even if you are a minister.

[Megaman]

Vhere are zee maps?

I cannot be expected to operate, vithout zee maps!

[Zrk2]

That's the Fun part! I think I can find a map of the beginning of the campaign somewhere, I may even annotate it... Eh, it's 11:00 pm and I can't sleep, so let's write!

Prologue

The King of Poland, Grand Duke of Lithuania, Zrk2, First of His Name, Most Blessed Protector of Bay12istan, had convened a meeting on New Year's Day 1700. While the rest of the world recovered from a severe case of dehydration His Royal Pomposity had convened a meeting of all senior ministers of the kingdom.

There was Stworca, Minister of the Army, famously descended from Dick "He of Spectacular Testicular Fortitude" Mountainjoy of Armenia. How his family became Polish nobles is unknown. In any case he was the Penultimate Commander of the Polish-Lithuanian Army and as such was obviously necessary at this meeting.

Secondly there was USEC_Officer, the only officer in the Polish Navy and thus, by default, Grand Admiral of His Glorytude's Royal Navy. Of course given that he claims to fly something called an "Interceptor" in his spare time his usefulness is doubtful at best, and actively damaging at worse. Of course that summarizes the entire Polish navy, so... We'll take what we can get.

Then there was Megaman, the barbarous Sicilian Minister of Foreign Affairs. Of course it is unknown how a Sicilian came to hold such a post in the Polish nation, quite similar to Stworca. All that being said he is a competent if not exceptional Minister, famed for his policy of "Not pissing off the goddamn Russians because they would anally devastate the entire High Command before breakfast if they were in a bad mood." Blunt, but so far effective.

Finally there was Elfeater, who was famous for being so insane as to eat chickens prepared by his staff while claiming they were elves. Once again power has drawn the insane, and so no one sees anything out of the ordinary with his activities, at least by Polish standards. That being said he was a fierce proponent of technological advancement, even if he did forget the entire other half of his job description; economic policy. This left Poland at a permanent economic disadvantage that could only possibly over come in one way...

"World domination. Total WORLD DOMINATION!" His Uprightitude was in one of his more megalomaniacal moods. "Look at this map. LOOK AT IT! There's something wrong with it."

"Uhh, what exactly would that be sir? It seems accurate enough to me..." ventured on of the braver souls.

"LOOK AT IT! it only shows Poland holding this little patch in Eastern Europe! Everyone knows Poland controls the world."

"Sir, let me see this. I think I can shed some light on the situation," said Megaman. After a few minutes he wrapped up. "Here you go."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"This should summarize the world, and our current foreign policy objectives."

"Well that's certainly not right! We control the whole world!" the King was feeling rather dense today.

"That may be, but the rest of the world doesn't know it yet," continued Megaman, undaunted.

"Sir, I may be able to help you with that," Piped up Stworca.

"Well how?"

"Well, I AM descended from Mr. Mountainjoy..."

"Of course. OF COURSE! Get right on that! What did you mean by that again? Oh, it can't be too important."

"SIR! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!" trumpeted Elfeater, enjoying a greasy chicken wing in the corner. "Poland cannot into space!"

USEC_OFFICER jumped right in "Yeah! How can we conquer the world if we can't into space? How can I fly in space if we can't even into it?"

"What?" even his Joviality was stunned by this outburst. "What does that even mean?"

"WE CAN'T INTO SPACE!"

"WHAT?"

"WE CAN'T INTO SPACE!"

"WHAT?"

"WE CAN'T INTO SPACE!"

"NEVER MIND!"

"If we are going to take over the world and into space, whatever that means, our first target must be those Prussians, who have the gall to exist right within what should be our borders," said the Minister of Foreign Affairs.

Stworca chimed in "Though they have superior drilling, superior morale, superior weapons, superior discipline, superior artillery, and superior funding I think we have a good chance of beating them."

"Really? How? Superior numbers?"

"Uh... No. They'll probably have superior numbers too."

"Then how?"

"It's simple: We kill the Prussman."

"Brilliant plan! I should have thought of that myself. Hey, why don't we just kill the Prussmen?"

"Milord you are a tactical genius."

"Now, let's fire ze troops off to war!" His Insanity enthused.

"But I am le tired..." complained someone.

"Then have a nap, then FIRE ZE TROOPS!"

And with that the Great Council of 1700 concluded and the High Command of Poland departed to complete their separate tasks, or just dick around. Okay, so one and all departed to just dick around. But they did it very well.

And thus did the Polish Hegemon begin.

[USEC_OFFICER]

Technically we're the... best bros of the Saxons/Courland? The Saxon Elector (which is a hereditary position) is also the (elected) Polish Monarch in one of those weird situations that can only arise in Monarchies (I have no clue how Courland works its way into this mess). Anyways, without further ado, here are my decrees:

As Minister of the Navy Space, I decree that work shall begin on the Apollo Program once Rocketry has been discovered. I shall also commission the largest warship we can build in the meantime. It shall be christened The Falcon, because you can never start foreshadowing too early. If we can't build warships then spam trade vessels, which will be named in the following order as they are built: Egg and Bacon; Egg, Sausage and Bacon; Egg and Spam; Egg, Sausage and Spam; Egg, Bacon, Sausage and Spam; Spam, Bacon, Sausage and Spam; Spam, Egg, Spam, Spam, Bacon and Spam; Spam, Sausage Spam, Spam, Bacon, Spam, Tomato and Spam; Spam, Spam, Spam, Egg and Spam; Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Baked Beans, Spam, Spam, Spam and finally Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

I also request that you tell me what ports we have and what buildings are in them, since I have never played Empire before, only Napoleon (and the Medivals/Rome, but those don't count here).

Finally, as Minister of the Navy Space I use my space powers to strongly encourage you to ally with the Russians, to maintain the space-time continuum. Or at least the space part of it. The time part can go bugger itself.