Rest assured I'm not even mixing them. I got home, and mixed the arizona can with a monster. The mix fits exacrly in a karge beer mug. like. exactly. if a butterfly flips its wings in Japan itll spill. That got me awake. I waited a bit, and now im drinking a few beers in a hamac. The freat thing thing about today is that i didnt sleep more than a six hours in yhe last few days so i gwt drunk easily, and cheaply right now. Which is why im taking things slow.
The turm begins now, I decide.
I touch my computer and it closrs. Famn you computer. You're a mean machine. I open the comp again and get a rumcoke. bonzai bitch
I decide, putting on a batman tshirt wpuld make this turn more epic. Im Batman. I am the night. Wait i cabt find the batman tshirt, so i put on a normal tshirt. its a black shirt.
Im Blackman. Now im truly the nigjt.
Wow the router had *a* bar. itll take eleven minutes to get the save because reasons. Timw ti get more booze. Ps my phone ran dry live. this is the most poorly planned turn ever. Like i know how to type its just harder woth a phone.
I cant fnid a shirt that i enjoy. its too hot black shurt blue shirt other blackdhirt they are all terrible right now. i complsin about this.
''why would you need a shurt'' replies an unknown female voice. Good point random female voice. I drcide to go shurtless. I am chestman. I can feel the liberating power of freedom and possibilities.
Anatchy. Chaos.
I am the alpha and the omega.* * *
The save is up. I don't understand anything. Like, I know the basics of this place, and I can relate to what the things i see are. they are little parcels of life and possibilities floating in a fortress of booze, water and magmific shafting. (New words shaddup). I know what's their, i just don't understand how, or why. everything makes sence in my head for a moment, until I try to exaimne it, or interact with it, then it crumbles into metaphorical dust in my metaphorical hands. It's like a dream. everything i do will just fuck this place up. Have you ever had those dreams? where suddenly in your head everything makes SENCE because you are tapping into a void of possibilities and knowledge your conscious mind cant access? for a moment, you are there, touching this forsaken unknown vein of power and ancientness, and you just... you unde4rstand a truth about the world, that you never have before.
I can feel the cosmos. Then you wake up, and try to gaze into such a truth once more, but you realise you forgot about it. Except, you never knew anything. you just put vague ideas into a ball and assumed they were a great idea, devoid of facts, or truth, or logic. And when your conscious mind examines it, you realize it was never more than the vague sleepy incoherent emotion of ''knowing something'' with nothing attached to it. Wait what am I even talking about?
Sharing is caring.Let us do the impossible, lets turn this candy cane into a slithgly better candy cane, without fucking it up. Let's get past the madness, let's set things in order.
It's Ordered chaos...BTW I just finished the rumcoke, and I'm slowly chugging this XChile wine bottle. I wanted spanish wine but settled for chile because aren't they the same in the end?
Well except with more pep. . I truly wanted spanish wine, yet i don't know why. i know nothing about wine. I guess i just decided to get wine and said, hey what's a country I can arbitrarily stand by? Maybe spanish. Like really that's my whole decision making process. But I know spanish must be good, so I took this chile wine wtf.
I'm sort of a rational anarchist I guess?* * *
So we have food, we have drinks, we have something that resembles living harmony. The place is in a volcano, made of ice and wood.
Almost wish it was made of sterner stuff really. but you deal with what you have, so we'll do wooden stuff. what we need is something we can rely on in times of trouble, when the ocean melts and death comes. What's the best thing when you are drunk, and wasted and desperate? taco bell. We are building a giant Taco bunker. I don't know how, but who cares. Autumn has come, and another backup Shoruke is posessed.
''Its a brand new day, and autumn is high,
All the birds are singing that we're gonna die,
how I hesitated now i wonder why,
A taco yay yay!
Tin tin tin tun tin tin tun tun''
Also a giant wren just hit a dwarf and they both died in the volcano.
I'm not sure what a giant wren is, but it flies and it has the strenght of several gorillas. wow, its a bird. It came out of nowhere, and now Urist mcsomebody is dead.
DEATH FROM ABOVE.
* * *
Another Backup Shoruke has begun a mysterious construction. which is good because you know me well enough by now to know I'd never do something to improve the fort or deal with problems. I'm glad UI didnt just randomly watch that Shoruke die of madness.
Instead he'll make an artefact and we'll be best friends forever. Also I forgot to eat. Man I'm bad at life. now my stomach is half empty, and the part thats full is made of wine.
The better half really.It's a gneiss throne. I didnt check thwe specifics because LOLDONG. doesnt care itlls be a major piece of this magnificient taco, should I remember to build it instead of ranting about my pseudolife in this thread. BAH. Let's build more wood walls and floor, make a taco, shake the universe.
Get to work, boys, make it sparkle. Speaking of sparkling, some people in my living room are wondering why im shirtless and wearing a fedora hat. BECAUSE I JUST FOUND IT you dummies. It was under my bed for a month, and Im hot, but my semi-long hairs are annoying when not contained by something. my hair is something special. It cannot be ge'd, or contained, or combed, or channeled. It does what it want, and will resume its original look no matter what. People once spent 3 hours destroying it with brushes and combs and gel and special products, breaking it appart and putting dirt and snow and shit and branches in it. For a moment i looked like the lead singer of the twisted sisters. Then i walked around and half an hour later it was back as it was, long, perfect, immaculate, untouched by dirt, clean as a virgin in a movie cowritten by waltdisney and your grandmother. My hair is special, it cannot be destroyed or tampered. it is infinite.
I'm getting a god complex and I like it.
And thats why I wear a hat assholes.
Anyway, the fort is laggy as fuck and i cant select things. I hope I dopnt have to reload. Its bugged, cant click things. cant... move. slowly unresponding. Please, dont crash. dont make me accidentally reload.
dont make me accidentally reload. Guess what im gonna reboot the game and my comp, just to be sure. I can solve this. i can repair the file.
Im the greatest engineer alive.Tim,e for a hard reset* * * *
Ok, rebooted. everything is back on track. especially those wagons, telling me about things i dont care. Hey guys, wanna know what the next traders want when they return?
I don'T.
I'm busy making a giant taco bunker to house a possibly or not awesome gnaiess throne. The blocks are piling up. Work is going great.
Not a bad start Alright, lets keep this going. We are slowly getting there. I hope the rest of the fort is managing well because i dont care about it much. Taco time, asshole. I'll build the top alongside the base so it can be finished faster.
Still, we have a good amount of stuff placed ready, lets keep this going. Gonna build some ramps, and make this a many level project.
Meanwhile, the place just froze over. What? doesnt matter, only means that the first level is easier to do now. Alright, I'm feeling it. Ugh, sadly all this managing the fort and navigating the menu has sobered me up a bit. Better have some wine more wine more drink. Huuuum yes thats the stuff.
Alright, I'm feeling awesomer. Alright, more blocks, more logs, make this fucking tacos guys, i beleive in you.
Stack em up, stack em up.* * *
Disclaimer, I just smashed my ass. like, srly. someone said, lets play adventure time! so i sang the song. And i got excited and sat violently on the toilet, not realizing that the seat wasnt up. Ceramic is solid, and painful. Guys i smashed my ass. Most of the fortress is now floating above a sometuimes frozen ocean,. Like, physics got out of the window.
this is actually stupid now. * * *
Looks like I'm not the only one who suffered recently. Many people have been missing for a week. i decided to be a good overseer and check how many booze we have left. then i notice, the number went from 1350 to 1300%?
$?. they arent sure. then i notice casually that our broker has frozen over. great. Now we have food and we dont know how much.
we're cooking trouble is what we're cooking. doesnt matter. deaths dont matter. wehat matter is adding some wood stacks to the giant taco.
I decide not to care. somone from the future fix this. bobsupernova is now broker. thanks, player of drunk fortress from the future. dead dwarves, living logs, awesome taco.
stack em and bag em. Meanwhile people are jst so eager to get atached to shields. 2
5 people died yo, our shields are bloadsoaked and you thing thats awesome. Blood and metal, their new favorite thing.People, focus,. Make a tacos. ui dont carwe whats happening in the fort, just keep it alive, if we make a tacos this turn was worth it Worth it. BANANA BANANA BANANA. Sorry for thsi random burst of fruit outbuirst wont happen again.
* * * * *
Progress on the taco is slow, but certain. In the meantime ive blocked some ares which could be accssed through the ice, so we dont get invaded in dumb ways. Wow i just saved the fort maybe. thats not a cool feature, but once the taco is complete, it will be.
i estimate the fort will be at least 20 percent cooler when that happens. Wait the food and rinks are goin UP how is this POSSIBLE%? tHIS IS MAGIC. NO WAIT, PROBABLY AUTOMATION. eVERYTHING IS AUTOMATED. WE CAN NEVER RUN OUT OF FOOD OR BOOZE. i am the infinite
Wait why are we getting attached to bucklers people. get your shit together. I'm done making hidden references to something people wont get (unless you do then you played the best class) What matters now is that we get attached to non-suck shields, or at least manage to finish the tacos before we finish the wine. how much wine s a bottle and like 4 beer? a lot, thats how. Man, i never imagined making a tacos would be hard. like, if underpaid mexicans can make them how could a collective of dwarves FAIL.
eXCEPT I ONLY PURCHASED TACOS. NEVER MADE THEM. mAKING TACOS IS HARD AS FUCK. THEY HAVE MANY LAYERS AND ALL OF THEM ARE POORLY CONSTRUCTED. FUUUUCK. i HATE THIS BUILDING.
AAlso caps lock.
* * *
ok so we all learned a lesson about respect and devotion and racism AND CAPS LOCKL. and about how you shouldnt burst into natash' room screaming HEY WHATS UPA BECAUSE MAYBE NATASHA IS SLEEPING AND PEOPLE WENT TO THE BEER STORE AND THEY ARENT IN NAT'AS ROOM SMOKING WEEK AND THERES ONLY NAT AND YOU WOKE HER AND SHE'S PÎSSED. This is a lesson we all just learned. Another lesson we learn is holy fuck am i fucking up this building all the dfifferent layers look the same. how is shiwperwhip still alive, i wonder. this is just poor design.
Anyway, food is multiplying. everything is great. Except my building,. i dot even know what im doing. SSSSSHAAAAAAAAAH. So bad. Wine. wine, make this better.
-Ok alex.
-Thanks wine.
*everything is better
Ok so the taco is moothly getting done. the roof is almost there, if we disregard the abslute lack of walls for it and how much i fucked up, well have a place to house lord mister taco's office. does mister tacos need an office? Sort answer no cause he died. Long answer yes cause i redwarfed him and made him every noble positon i could find cause they all died from the freeze and fuck it i didnt make this taco for nothing.
It looks like when your taco breaks in your plate and its ok because you can use the broken part to sweep the studff and eat it huuuuuum delicious.
MNo really why is every buil;ding in this fort not a taco.
Im so hungry.
2 hours later, realise i still havent had any food recently,. bad. Well wine is grape and grape is food if you are imaginative i guess. Im unconfident in my ability to chiken wing right now.
someone slab this on my slab. Im unconfident on my ability to chicken wing right niow.
* * * *
Interlude, lojng interlude, my roomtates guests which are also my frtiends are leaving, but they're also my friends, so we chat. we talk about d3, and how a demon hunter tank is viable and sweriously, i killed mlthael t6 sesonbal guys. except d3 is offline right now and my network still sucks. People leave, some stay to sleep on the couch nd i try ton trach a friend about musical theory. he falls asleep mumbling and barfing, but not before spilling whats left of my wine bottle. joke on you, im stealing all your beer.
*/ * * *
back an hour klater gotta finish the tacos??? YES<>
Now im pretty sure peopelm are fighting or whatever dont vcare. the fot is alive. so long as a few dudes buidl rthe tacos i call this a succss. sure, Matthew learned nothing about why the 5th fret on his guuit sound like the one string above it buyt who cares? hwe spilled my booze and i stole his. He works tomorrow and i dont HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
evil maniacal laughter!!@!!Back to the fort, finish the giant taco. So i tried to explain why chords and notes exist to my firends and he murdered my wine and asked fr the couch. now im drinking leftover wine and trying tio build this GODAMN CONSTRUCTION whatever, dont ever care if it isnt like if it doesnt have a shell? i want a roof with a roof everything is better.
FUCK FUKC FUCK FUCKFG ui wish everything went more smoothly. ANYWAY, THE SHELL IS HALF DONE. This is all a big misunderstanding. he wanted to use my guitar and it wasnt achorded. so jhe asked for an online achorder thing and i said, yo i have two keyboards use those. and he doesnt know what that implies? means he doesnt who what the notes means, i show him he kck=ikcks my wine, gets very drubnk and explode on the couch (figuratuievly he aint deadO) but now i still need to teaxch him but hes in a coma. Fuck. Muic is important. Sic.
MUSIC motherfucker do you speak it.
Anyway back to giant tacos. everything is slow. everyone is droning. OH WELL thTS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT LEARNING MUSICAL THWEORY.
hELL MUSIC THEORY IS IMPORTANT THTS how you learn how the notes work and why they fucking are there opn your guitar. Do youn think people just made random instruments with strings nd played them to get chicks? guess again. There is a logic behind it all. altho i once got to sleep wioth an opera singer, thanks to that, (they dont actually ssing during sex, misconceptiotnO) . so octaves is 8 motherfucker, but the eight note is the same as the first note.OMG FINISH THAT TACO WTDF, I GAVE NO OTHER ORDERS. like whatsdid you decide to do tiotherwise we have 36 idlers no excuses,. MAKE THER TACO.
* * * * *
People are making taco shells, niothing important. lets discuss my internet IT IS TERRIBLE TODAY. like we ar dsharing a connection with 5 people and essentially a network of 20 friends leaching it é. BTW 'M'do0nt do that othwewirse ill bite my hand for no reason'M' is a terrible excuse to solve social arguments,. youll tell people that, then theyll be like, whatever you are drunk, then to prove you are not youll bite your own arm BUT IT IS A TRAP congratulation, you just proved tyou are drubnk AND vbit your own arm. now pain ensues. nobody believes you,.
uless the fuckers drink as much as you did. Then you teach them music theory and they fall asleeep.
and the router is next to the washing machine. simple equation. wash clothes= fuck wifi. I cant connect to jack shit. right now. Thank god implaying DF or it wouold be a nightmare.
*spends two minutwes tio opunch my own hand for no reason *
iT HURTS. Dont punch your hand for no reason people. U less you have a good reason. but then it defeats the purpiose. when you play the gasme of throne, you either win or you get drunk and it suddenl;y doesnt matter because everything is shaking and oh god why am i making this,.
* * * * * *
disclaimer, typing a bunch of _ _- - == * * dfoeasnt ,aske you less drunk. irt just creates a narrative sence of temporal progression. you wont be less drunk unless you stopped drinking which isnt my drink. i mean matthew spilled my wine ill drink his beeer, that puire logic, It is now pas midnight, ui clearly need to drink. i remember coming home at 4-290. clearl;y the evening wen t somewhwere down the shitter. Doesnt matter. must finish ta o building,.
KIIOLLLLLLL MNE THIS IS NO SUBLIMINAL MEDSSAGE HELP
As i was saying progress on the taco roof is going swimmingly.
* * * * *
Wow 64 dudes. clearly ^people are dying. not sure from what tho. M'aybe fail;ing to finish the roof? Or that monster problem (*nagh) most ikely it is from not understanding what a FUCKING OCTAVE IUS what uis hard with uit,. a dozen means at twelve you loop over, decimal system meansd ten has a zero, how do yopu not understant that 8 means w have 7 notes and note 8 is the same as note 1. we have a song. wtf. do re mi fa so la si do. do is do, wtf is hard with that, 7 notes. Frtecnh is hard but english is easdier. a b c d e f gé clearly 7 letters.
OM'G i hate everything.
MAK TYHEV TACI you symcopĥant.s
* * * * *
sio, to make lord mster taco have a table i need to queue the order (or find the workshop but fuck that nonsnce yo)
so ill queue something at the manager but lor mister tacos is I THINK I BELEIVE MAYBE the manager possible.uy maybe.
So i need a table. but i need a manager. so i set the table in the dinning room to set the tacosoperationaklly as a place. it fails, rety, reteyk, tr=etry.
In the process i had my brother-in-law to facebbook and invite him to pârty in twio days,
Then i set the office,. twas hard. out of wine drinking claimed shitty beerrt from friend who spilled xchile wine. drunk drunk drunk not responding.
Justk kidding perfeclty fine don pay attention to grMMAR. OMG SO WIONE
DRUNK
WIONE
SO DRUNK, NOT WINE.C
cps lock.
what am i doing. finish the taco.
* * * * *
Fpoood is no longer big number. foos is uniniontimidting numbr wTF peopel make booze. queuene booze numbrs order things,. Also order to butcher anumls andf whatbniot someting
Will be fair. may be very wasted right now, not betst at overseerrnio srly. very wasted drunk.
Sure dwarves will soprt it out have faith in
drumnk dwarvesd. hae faith in dwrves. rooof amost fuinihs, finuf finish FINISH
* * * * *
Will not lie pretty drunk. set lord mister person tacos guy office as a tablre. needs c chai, now made c a chair but that was a lot of effort. notr sure if can rule country rto succes may be very wasted, niow wstill waiting on table cration for table for table form office for chair. wai i need a chair oups.
Made chair an office. still need table or loprd mister tacios be sad. Cant tell peple i made random tacos for no reason. gotta sound efficient and awesome. yes, tacos be goood for hum... rweasons. all kid iof reason,. thanks for making tacos,. not waste of time
barf need to baaaaarf omg omg omg
Everything is fine people DONT PANIC. THE FORTRESS IS HANDLING FINE woot. evertything undert contro0l.
* * * * * *
Gujys o need i hink im making progrees? al;so floors,. taco flolor. actuallty rooftop. project in great shaope.c also tale is underway, managedr is mangeruing tables everything s fine with fiort, disregard dead, disregerd anouncemenrt, loooma at this tco we have everything uis making awesome sence SENCE irt ias making. lookm at our riooof it almost covers a table.
At this point the tacos is almost finish,. Only mstter of htyme. Thyme time. NOT THE SPICE YO.ATHYM TASTES EIRD. DONT MAKE TACOS OUT F IT.
tACOS ALMOST FINISH AS IN SAID, NO MINOR ACCIDENT STILL PLENTY FOOD. EVERYONE INF ORT HAPPY. NOT DRUNK. BOZE, MUST BOOOZE WHATEVER word word wrodqwrwowrdoqwrodwrfow4fdss complete sentence. im glad this happened. roof almost complete.
...
....
tacos complete. at this point do you really carwe if i post save tomorrow when i unpass out.
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]
OMFG i did it we have a acosd unker woot need SLEEEP OMG SLEEEP SLEEEEP SAVE TOMOROOOW.
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1241246 times)