Had another soul-crushing dream come along. Basically it took my lifetime, and applied a sort of judgement standard that seemed rather exaggerated (not any different from being bullied by all different groups of kids in school. Ahh... Elementary school. What an era...), and didn't quite fit into my own idealistic standards, and basically stopped at nothing to prove me, to myself as well, a totally worthless person, essentially based on "Being nice will get you nowhere", and so forth. Basically putting me on the spot to justify my position in life and so on and so forth; judged by others that looked like me with different appearances to a degree (so, if I'm dark-haired with green eyes, one is blonde and blue-eyed, and another red-haired with yellow eyes and such; really clashing appearances that I couldn't identify as even a dimension of myself; and much worse, their personalities were drastically different). All despite the fact that I've willingly taken a huge chunk of time off from working and such, and getting some much-needed relaxation; they despised me for it.
It was like some greater entity was shaming me for taking a rest, relaxing, calming down from rather intense work time from my old job. Essentially, I'm being guilt tripped out of being an easy-going person that is still all-around helpful and useful; and basically, any aspect of being a kind, courteous, and generally decent person is looked upon as utterly worthless quality, and non-deserving of being a functioning member of society. In a sense, it was like reality decided to hunt me down, and clip whatever wings I had regrowing in my good nature. In a sense of being, if I was in any way an angelic being (from simple cherub to full-on seraph), my wings were being trimmed, without regard for how much of the wing was being trimmed. In a sense, my wings would be bleeding, they got cut too short for a simple "flightless clipping", to outright malicious or sadistic levels of trimming, as if flight is not an option, but the wings will stay as dead weight; and pain will be felt any time they're even considered to be used; the thought even hurts, sans actual usage.
I wonder what kind(s) of hostile forces are after me, if any? And why is it always on October this bullshit happens? I gotta redeploy some spirit traps, and honey-pot some nasty beings into existential traps (like the BS I've been hit with several times this month); hit them with their own handiwork. Not to get my ego worked up again, but where dream worlds, and my spirit are concerned, I'm the last person to piss off; especially after rebounding from a depression, and I find the source of it. May God have mercy on whatever you are, because I surely will not.
EDIT:
Considering I got myself back into an old exercise regimen I haven't done in eons, I guess I was my own worst enemy after all; because I'm still fatigued from working on my endurance doing some jogging for a couple miles (Google Earth helped in posting personal mile-markers (reference markers, like certain buildings or locations/streets/walkways on the beach. Really helps, if using an exercise guide for reference) for self-measurement for distance ran, since I don't like carrying my phone for such things (I want to enjoy nature as I run/go for a walk)), and I had a decent dream (no memory of it, but I don't feel like crap like before). Just as well, I'm overcoming those mini self-doubt feelings that ping once in awhile more effectively. Maybe I was going drill-sergeant on myself to get my ass moving again. I'll see if this, along with the season change (massive low-pressure system knocked me into a hell of a depression, again; today's pleasant now), have anything to do with it.
As far as I can interpret, I was lazy with no good reason for being lazy; and I was beating myself up for that. Now that my calves are sore from all the running, I have a reason to be a lazy-ass as I rest and recover. Coming up with activities to keep me busy is on my priority list for the time being. Been solving puzzles and coming up with various mini-projects in the meantime. Just as well, I'm making myself useful around the house, if needed.
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Topic: The Dream Thread (Read 608985 times)