This is a crudely-fashioned cat leather journal. On the front is a crudely-drawn stegosaurus in a rocketship. The stegosaurus is headbanging.2nd of Limestone
Some beardy came runnin' to me down in the forges. Asked me if I was Space. "Which Space?" asked I. He said the other one, the one that made all the armor and was rumored to be dead. I told 'im I was, but not dead, and why was he askin'?
...apparently, we were being led by an undead, zombie overseer. Said overseer went piss-poor-crazy-nasty-ass-honey-badger-feral. That's a word, go look it up. Anyway, I'm the overseer now. I don't know how in the burnin' 'ells we came to that conclusion, but whatever, I'll go with it.
The first thing to do as the new supreme power of the fort is to take a tour around the place...that don't sound too hard. I let the nameless peasant who came to inform me lead the way, and off we go on the tour.
10th of Limestone
...I was completely and utterly wrong. That tour...that tour has opened my eyes. By Armok's bloody beard, how the hells did I not notice how absurd this whole fortress layout is? It took us over a week to cover everyplace in the fort, and I
still don't entirely know how to find my way around.
I've made some crude sketches of the entire place, as far as I can recall. By Armok's bloody beard's bloody menstruations, this place is...I don't even know any more.
Well, uh, at least there's some floored roads, and uh, statues...and a load of fungus trees and some cages and junk. Oh, there's also a workshop and a ghost if you look hard enuff. Oh, there's also a big boneyard too, in case you didn't notice that either.
Ahh, and here's the beautiful plains of outer Horrorfailed. The standard scenery for any dorf fort, complete with gore-crusted, garbage strewn expanses of muck populated by wandering, rotting corpses of decaying undeath. It's especially romantic when the cerulean-blue mists drift through at sunset, and the zombies are ganging up on helpless starving dingos as the clouds swallow them all up in lovely blueness.
...whatdoyoumean this isn't what the average dorf fort looks like? Your "average" forts sound orderly and boring.
Yeah...I'm not sure what this does. Maybe it farms more trees? If anything, this seems to be the main point into the proper fortress, I guess if a siege somehow makes it past the zombie-infested-muck-filled wasteland outside, this would be a good emergency chokepoint to hold them off at. I guess.
Exactly what it says on the tin, some workshops and some stockpiles for assorted furniture, ammo, and armor. It looks like all the needed shops are set up.
This fort is a mess. Note the location of the central staircase. This fort has no symmetry whatsoever. If there is, it's outta another dimension, and my mind can't grasp it.
Levers are by the central staircase, though I dunno what any of them do. Also, the zombie overseer's quarters are by all the gem windows in the easternmost room there. I'm thinking of dumping some of the tame skunks down there for him to chew on. It must be his rotting zombie brain that got me in this mess.
here's this empty floor that is barely used for, well, anything. There's some barracks, an archery range, and this really really really swell dining room here thats, oh wait, no, it's just a room with tables and chairs. I'll designate it as a dining hall at once, because art like that can't be wasted.
Also there's a giant monster skeleton on the stairwell, because that's just how our interior decorators work.
Yeah, it stands out for how oddly wedged in amongst the other floors it is.
Somehow I expected it to be bigger, y'know?
Don't ask me what these are for, I don't even know.
believe me, there's more. Much more. I just...I can't draw them all. There's too many weirdly shaped unfathomable ones.
Ah, the magma forges. Smell the lovely smell of metal posioning! Ah, I love the smell of melted copper in the morning! Sticks to the bones with the dwarven syrup roats!
Ah, during the tour the peasant mentioned how the current caverns are infested with crundles and some shelled worm with a posionous bite. Eh. Keep the walls sealed up and we'll be fine, right?
Oh, there's this one floor up in the middle of the fort...
What is this I don't even.
Oh man, the running of a huge mess of a fort like this sounds like a load of bullshi--work. Yeah, work. What am I gonna do with all this responsibility?...First, I think I'll get a drink, or maybe three. Yeah, five drinks sound good right about now.
I'm thinking of what I want to do in my turn.
A cannon.
A horrible accident related with the building of a cannon? You got it!
Also, please specify which mess of architecture is supposed to be the count's mansion, so I can dump his undead beard on top of the squatters.
I'll try to begin my rule this weekend and post updates of how the attempted building of a potential cannon goes. If I nuke the place by mistake, I'll let you guys know.
Author
Topic: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - Please do not feed the nobles (Read 577985 times)