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Author Topic: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - Please do not feed the nobles  (Read 576711 times)

Silverlock

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1275 on: January 18, 2013, 08:41:59 pm »


1 Granite, 511
   Today, our current overseer -- the lass with the odd name -- sprinted up to me, threw a document and some keys at me, laughed evilly, and sprinted away.  For somebody often teased as "Slowpoke," she certainly could get a move on.  Anyway, when I came to look at the document, I almost fainted.  it seems that I am the new overseer for this pit of perdition.

   I am dumbstruck.  Is this legitimate?  Was I really voted into a position of responsibility without knowing it?  Was this some move by the people who sent me here?  Has this made me a target?

   Regardless, this place is mine for the moment, so I need to play the part of overseer to the hilt.  Must play it cool, avoid suspicion, act like a typical overseer.  I don't know where anything is or what anything does.  I can't make any sense of the fortress layout, I know nothing about projects larger than statue-carving, and I don't even know how to shut the front door.  Perfect.
   
   First: Get me a room -- a good one, with a good bed.  Maybe I can get some good statues -- ones created by me rather than that hack Gizogin.  And I can make it into a dining room, too, with a rocksalt table, so if my food isn't seasoned enough I can just rub it on the table.
   
   Second: Get rid of some of these ghosts.  I can't take them anymore.  They won't leave me alone, and none of them have any new jokes.  I can't find the paperwork on a couple of them, though, so their slabs will have to wait.





   Third: Get Spishaban some better furniture.  As our sheriff, she deserves it.  It has nothing to do with being afraid of the guy in charge of the justice system or of her kill roster, which includes a titan. 
   
   Fourth: When I find whoever took my fedora, he will be making a one-way trip outside into the goo.  I am having to make do with a horrible pig-tail fiber cap.  You can't lurk menacingly in the shadows in a pig-tail cap.

   Fifth: One of the lads -- a spinner named "ThatAussieDwarf" -- keeps looking at me oddly.  Need to keep an eye on this one.

   Sixth: Brew.  Need brewage. 

   Seventh: We have prisoners in cages.  We can have some entertainment!  Begin digging an execution pit.  Have the prisoners dragged through a dining room on their way to the doom room.



7 Slate, 511
   Migrants!  Spies, more likely; I had better keep an eye on these people, assuming they make it into the fortress alive.  Population up to 62. How so?  We had 53 and added 11 immigrants.  How are we only at 62? 

   Oopsie: Id Kilsulus, Dwarven Baby has been found dead, dehydrated.  When will the other shoe drop?



22 Felsite, 511
   Count Eric has ended a mandate!  Armok be praised!  I had no idea there was a mandate.  Melbil the soaper paid the price but is no worse the wear for his hammering.  Two whacks from Echostatic, the Hammerer, and he has not so much as a bruise.  Also, he's ecstatic.



7 Malachite, 511

   More migrants.  Apparently, word has spread of the recent improvements in my some of the living space in Horrorfailed.  Coincidentally (or not?  TAD?), we are under attack from a Forgotten Beast, one Leto Letothefin Sedastshishen.  ("Leto the Fin?"  I may need to look into the existence of dwarfish gangsters.)  Eyewitness reports state that Leto is "an enormous hairy pterosaur.  It has a pair of spindly antennae and it squirms and fidgets.  Its fuchsia hair is very curly.  Beware its poisonous bite!"  Leto is on level 95, near EmeraldWind.
 
   Fortunately, EmeraldWind the Legendary Marksdwarf is in the vicinity of two wolf pups who bravely take on Leto!  Unfortunately, Emeraldwind is carrying neither a crossbow nor a quiver, so she opts for punching Leto in the tongue from behind, which I will bet was a surprise to both of them.  I have ordered EW's squad, the Reputed Rims, to muster for battle a z-level above, along with the Rags of Breath and the Rough Crotch-Pinnacles, but the tongue-bloodlust is upon her and she will not be stopped. Now she is kicking and biting, when she should be running.  If Leto gets any of its poison into her veins it will be all over for EmeraldWind.  I order all three squads to attack Leto . . .

   . . . so naturally we are attacked by another beast -- Oxut Nomartega Thretelhode: 

    Rhyolite, wings, and poisonous vapors.  Uh oh.

   Oxut tears into poor Olin Stukosliruk, taking him down by the (sheep wool trousers) and exhaling poisonous vapors.  A finger-lock, a kick, and for all I know a dive off of the top rope later, Olin is nearly down for the count!  What will our hero do?

   Nothing, actually, except continue to serve as a chew toy for Oxut.  Meanwhile, EmeraldWind is in a dance contest with Leto (lots of "The Forgotten Beast misses The Marksdwarf!"), but Oxut has now broken Olin's ankle. Can nothing save him?  Is there no one who will come to his aid?

   Well, no.  But EmeraldWind finally has some help with Leto.  Arcangelsd, Sabretache, and Ledi, along with their comrades in arms, are there to protect our bravely dancing Marksdwarf!   
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

   Olin, however, is on his own, savaged, brutalized, and rotting away from the poisonous vapors.  Picture two pages of really disgusting text describing broken limbs, swollen tongues, and rotting eyes.  Wait -- you don't have to!  Here they are!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

   Somewhere in the middle of all of this, EmeraldWind becomes an Elite Marksdwarf.  Meanwhile, Ledi is putting the "Crazy" in "Crazy Cat Lady" by using the flat of her axe more than the blade.  No matter, though; Leto is down!  The crowd goes wild!  Arcangelsd is credited with the kill.

   Now comes the hard part: Oxut.  I order the construction of a wall to keep Oxut down below until we can come up with a good plan.  Let's see if we can get it done before he makes it up the stairs. Naturally, just as I give the order, I receive word of a thief's being spotted at the entrance.  Ashsaber took care of our kobold friend.

   Hmmm.  Within the space of two days, we have had two FB attacks in the depths followed by thieves testing our defenses on the surface.  This is no coincidence; this was too well-planned.

   While I was pondering the best way to go after Oxut, Helgoland got herself kicked to death by a reindeer corpse out in the muckmist.  Why?  Why was she out there? 

   A diplomat has left unhappy.  He cannot possibly fathom how little I care.  Arcangelsd, hero -- or at least glory-grabber -- of the Battle in the Depths with Leto has died to another reindeer corpse.  Again, he should never have been outside.  I can only assume that the kobold thief was sent in as bait to draw our warriors out.  Who hates us that much out there?
Logged
"All right boys, let's strike the- *crack* whatthefwarblblub..."
"...Dibs on the pick."
Hidden beneath rusting weapons was a mass of assorted bones. An elf, a goblin, even an ogre. All just waiting for someone to walk by and notice them, like some kind of land mine of horror.

Spish

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1276 on: January 18, 2013, 11:40:19 pm »

Third: Get Spishaban some better furniture.  As our sheriff, she deserves it.  It has nothing to do with being afraid of the guy in charge of the justice system or of her kill roster, which includes a titan.
Gender confusion?

Also, I request that both forgotten beasts be resurrected and added to the collection. In addition to any other dead beasts you find lying around the fortress, I know there are at least two unaccounted for.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2013, 11:45:21 pm by Spish »
Logged
Ah, yes, I thought something was amiss. Now I see. There's not enough terrible things in the lakes.

Silverlock

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1277 on: January 19, 2013, 12:04:57 am »

Third: Get Spishaban some better furniture.  As our sheriff, she deserves it.  It has nothing to do with being afraid of the guy in charge of the justice system or of her kill roster, which includes a titan.
Gender confusion?

Also, I request that both forgotten beasts be resurrected and added to the collection. In addition to any other dead beasts you find lying around the fortress, I know there are at least two unaccounted for.


Suits me!        . . . How do I do that?   How do I get the bodies dumped into the evil area?

And you are still male. 


Logged
"All right boys, let's strike the- *crack* whatthefwarblblub..."
"...Dibs on the pick."
Hidden beneath rusting weapons was a mass of assorted bones. An elf, a goblin, even an ogre. All just waiting for someone to walk by and notice them, like some kind of land mine of horror.

Eric Blank

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1278 on: January 19, 2013, 03:17:21 am »

The spinning breasts strike Spishaban in the upper body, bruising the skin and bruising the fat.

Spishaban has been stunned.

The breasts vanish!

Spishaban is no longer stunned.

Spishaban cancels chain animal: getting drink.


Count Eric mandates walls be constructed to deny access to the exterior.
Count Eric mandates forbidding absolutely freaking everything on the exterior.
Logged
I make Spellcrafts!
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Teneb

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1279 on: January 19, 2013, 09:53:16 am »

The spinning breasts strike Spishaban in the upper body, bruising the skin and bruising the fat.

Spishaban has been stunned.

The breasts vanish!

Spishaban is no longer stunned.

Spishaban cancels chain animal: getting drink.


Count Eric mandates walls be constructed to deny access to the exterior.
Count Eric mandates forbidding absolutely freaking everything on the exterior.


Count Eric has suffered a tragic accident.
Logged
Monstrous Manual: D&D in DF
Quote from: Tack
What if “slammed in the ass by dead philosophers” is actually the thing which will progress our culture to the next step?

Silverlock

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1280 on: January 19, 2013, 10:51:37 am »

Count Eric has suffered a tragic accident.

    Actually, he did.  Or at least a tragic exposure to the undead.  Count Eric, Helgoland, and Arcangelsd are currently mindless ravening creatures of unlife trapped in cages. 

    I have tried to forbid everything outside, but I have my doubts I got it all.  At any rate, every now and then a couple of dwarfs will take it into their rock-solid little heads that they need to go clean up in case company comes or something and they go out and get slaughtered.  Everybody needs a hobby, I suppose.

Logged
"All right boys, let's strike the- *crack* whatthefwarblblub..."
"...Dibs on the pick."
Hidden beneath rusting weapons was a mass of assorted bones. An elf, a goblin, even an ogre. All just waiting for someone to walk by and notice them, like some kind of land mine of horror.

Silverlock

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - The Pit of Perdition
« Reply #1281 on: January 19, 2013, 11:46:20 am »

17 Malachite

   I just noticed that we no longer have a sheriff.  Why?

Dorfed:
   Kirby - Soap Maker/Speardwarf - Soap Warrior
   ShadowDragon
   NightmareBros

   

7 Galena

   Operation "Drop it like it's Rock" is a success!  Some digging here, some channeling there, a support, a lever, and voila!  A cave-in has taken care of Uxot.  I hope he died in agony.  Poor Nexusv got caught up in all the dust and debris, but she'll be OK. 


9 Galena

   Tun Akrulkashez has withdrawn from society!  Yes, Tun the Thresher.  Yay.  This should be underwhelming.


13 Galena
   Tun made a scepter worth 12,000.  Boring.  Chuck it into the pile of other relics.



17 Galena

   Human caravan!  Their wagons have bypassed us, but I still hope to unload some useless junk, worn clothing, and barrels of blood onto them.

   The Forgotten Beast Stran Anu Sposnu has come!  A huge feathered leech.  It has a spiral shell and it undulates rhythmically.  Its silver feathers are patchy.  Beware its deadly blood!  Yeah, yeah, get in line, Stran.


   Some of the local critters are giving the humies some trouble.  It's pleasant to watch the fight knowing that at least it isn't me.



23 Galena

   The fight is even better now: it's live but injured human against dead human.  Dead one's winning.  Megaman3321 loosed a couple of potshots in their direction and then went back to hauling stuff.


   What is this heresy?  The humans brought a grand total of four barrels of booze.  I - I'm speechless.  They didn't even have any prepared Giant Grey Parrot foodstuffs to ease the pain.



27 Galena
   
   Mego was up in the watchtower when he was attacked by several raven corpses.  The undead birdies really did a number on him, shaking him around by the head repeatedly.   He is a goner, seeing that his upper spine is broken and he can no longer breathe.  I am sending out the Ferocious Irons to try to rescue him before his head is torn off. 


7 Limestone

   'Mego' Nefastkadol, Stoneworker has been found dead.



19 Limestone
   
   A cloud of nefarious mist has drifted nearby.  Ah, the ambiance.



8 Sandstone
    Migrants.  Eight of them.  One of them has no relationships whatsoever.  Must keep a close watch on this one; there have been too many "coincidences."  Someone somewhere wants Horrorfailed wiped off the map.  Whether the target is the fortress, its citizens, or the accursed ground itself I do not know, but right now trust = death.

    On a lighter note, I am having some upright spears placed at the bottom of the execution pit since the drop alone did not kill our first test subject.  I love research.
« Last Edit: January 19, 2013, 11:53:19 am by Silverlock »
Logged
"All right boys, let's strike the- *crack* whatthefwarblblub..."
"...Dibs on the pick."
Hidden beneath rusting weapons was a mass of assorted bones. An elf, a goblin, even an ogre. All just waiting for someone to walk by and notice them, like some kind of land mine of horror.

Teneb

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - The Pit of Perdition
« Reply #1282 on: January 19, 2013, 12:48:04 pm »

Check the outside for any meeting zones. If that fails, burrow them.
Logged
Monstrous Manual: D&D in DF
Quote from: Tack
What if “slammed in the ass by dead philosophers” is actually the thing which will progress our culture to the next step?

Eric Blank

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - The Pit of Perdition
« Reply #1283 on: January 19, 2013, 12:53:29 pm »

Count Eric has suffered a tragic accident.

    Actually, he did.  Or at least a tragic exposure to the undead.  Count Eric, Helgoland, and Arcangelsd are currently mindless ravening creatures of unlife trapped in cages.

Count Eric mandates opening the cage!
Logged
I make Spellcrafts!
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Spish

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1284 on: January 19, 2013, 12:54:32 pm »

Suits me!        . . . How do I do that?   How do I get the bodies dumped into the evil area?
There are lever operated cages inside the fortress for this special purpose. Look for the area with all the zombie forgotten beasts. Once the collection is large enough we shall free them into the wild.
Logged
Ah, yes, I thought something was amiss. Now I see. There's not enough terrible things in the lakes.

Teneb

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1285 on: January 19, 2013, 01:10:35 pm »

Suits me!        . . . How do I do that?   How do I get the bodies dumped into the evil area?
There are lever operated cages inside the fortress for this special purpose. Look for the area with all the zombie forgotten beasts. Once the collection is large enough we shall free them into the wild use them to build a great FB-powered cannon. That shoots FBs.
FTFY
Logged
Monstrous Manual: D&D in DF
Quote from: Tack
What if “slammed in the ass by dead philosophers” is actually the thing which will progress our culture to the next step?

Mr Space Cat

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - On the Edge of Pandemonium
« Reply #1286 on: January 19, 2013, 02:07:21 pm »

Suits me!        . . . How do I do that?   How do I get the bodies dumped into the evil area?
There are lever operated cages inside the fortress for this special purpose. Look for the area with all the zombie forgotten beasts. Once the collection is large enough we shall free them into the wild use them to build a great FB-powered cannon. That shoots undead flaming FBs.
FTFY
FTFY
------
Have we hit magma yet? How's the metal industry going?
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Made a new account that I use instead of this one. Don't message this one, I'm probably not gonna use it.

New account: Spehss _

arcangelsd

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - The Pit of Perdition
« Reply #1287 on: January 20, 2013, 07:54:52 am »

Quote
Leto is down!  The crowd goes wild!  Arcangelsd is credited with the kill.

Yay! I finally did something!

Quote
Arcangelsd, hero -- or at least glory-grabber -- of the Battle in the Depths with Leto has died to another reindeer corpse.

Yay?

Quote
Count Eric, Helgoland, and Arcangelsd are currently mindless ravening creatures of unlife trapped in cages. 

Everything went according to the plan.
Zombie overseer, anyone?
Logged
Did we just made reality itself commit suicide?
I think that sentence describes all of Failcannon.

Dinjoralo

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - The Pit of Perdition
« Reply #1288 on: January 20, 2013, 10:58:36 am »

Journal time!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Is my dwarf doing anything interesting, stupid, or otherwise? Is he even alive?
Logged

Silverlock

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - The Pit of Perdition
« Reply #1289 on: January 20, 2013, 01:45:20 pm »


Is my dwarf doing anything interesting, stupid, or otherwise? Is he even alive?

    I'll try to check after a while.  I just got home from church, and I have to start getting ready for my daughter's sleep-over birthday party.  I have a couple of things to post from last night, though; I will try to get that done today and finish up my turn by tomorrow.  This has been a busy couple of weeks.
Logged
"All right boys, let's strike the- *crack* whatthefwarblblub..."
"...Dibs on the pick."
Hidden beneath rusting weapons was a mass of assorted bones. An elf, a goblin, even an ogre. All just waiting for someone to walk by and notice them, like some kind of land mine of horror.
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