I quickly figured out why Nexus wasn't working, it's because I forgot to turn on her hauling labors. Silly me. There will still be sacrifices, though.
When we last left off...
Rridgway has lost her walking stick and is now reduced to
crawling around babbling.
So I kick that sucker out the airlock. She's going to die no matter what I do, might as well make it interesting.
Promptly, a hoofless water buffalo (
the exact same one from before, in fact), crawls up to Rridgway and...
...proceeds to strangle her with its only remaining leg. What the hell. Our watchmen have lovingly dubbed the creature "Icewiped."
Nexus happens to pass by hauling a wolf cage. She doesn't seem at all bothered by this.
Until Rridgway suffocates and Nex hurls the poor wolf through the air in a fit of rage because apparently Rriddy was her bestest friend in the whole wide world. She spends the next few weeks punching trees.
Another day,
another migrant wave, and we manage to get all nine of them inside alive this time. I haven't even had to close the main entrance once since I opened it up way back in the summer because our marksmen are doing a very, very good job keeping the zombies out
...perhaps a little
too good...
Occasionally a zom'bold would pick the lock and make his way up to try and assassinate our diligent shooters. But even as slavering undead abominations, they're just
too cute to be threatening!
At one point, EmeraldWind, Reason, and baby Kar are alone on the tower when they are suddenly set upon by an army of zombie ravens.
You zombie bastards! You can't do that to the future president! Kar manages to survive this harrowing ordeal, even nearly falling over the edge, but Reason saves him. Very nice.
6 dead bodies here, 3 on the stairs, 2 on the floor above this, and about a dozen or so scattered on the ground surrounding the tower. Must've been one heck of a night.
D'awww...
Oh noooooooo!
For some reason, any pets not pastured or locked inside always end up wandering outside to be killed by zombies. This has been the fate of all pets in Horrorfailed history.
The merchant caravan arrives on the evil side, right in the middle of a herd of what might as well be skelk. The two melee bodyguards die trying to fight them off, but their crossbowdwarf comrade is able to finish the skelk from afar. Thus the merchants are free proceed to the depot unhindered.
For once, the outpost liaison arrives in a
sensible place, on the opposite side of the map, and makes it safely to the fortress, easily avoiding all the remaining zombies. Because there are no remaining zombies. All the zombies are dead. All of them. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it is now
safe to go outside. I am sorry guys, I truly am. I was not expecting our four elite marksdwarves to
kick this much ass. Good thing too, because the outpost liaison has the brain of a cat and kept wandering outside for no discernible reason.
But I do eventually figure out why, when I follow our local giant cave spider on her journey into the outside world, and she stops in two very specific locations. Apparently, some joker scattered meeting hall beacons in the outdoor area and that's why our pets (and liaisons) have all been marching to their deaths. Ha ha.
Seeing as I can't be arsed to have our workers waste time hauling a bunch of useless items to the depot right now (not a whole lot of time left in the year), I just tell Space to crank out something arbitrary we can use for an easy bargain.
...it ends up being
way more valuable than I was expecting, but eh... we'll take EVERYTHING thank you very much!
Seeing as the fortress is a little dull on the fashionable side of things, I have some rose gold bars made and commission SignHere to make a cool statue out of them. After about three attempts, he gives us this gem:
A fabulous pink statue of a certain Aussie dwarf as he assumes the foetal position. Perfect. This will be the new centerpiece of our dining room. No artifacts this season, but I believe this makes up for it.
Web collectors and ore smelters being harassed by crundles, so I send our two newest farm-fresh recruits, Tryrar and Jorlin (still a pigsticker at this point), to deal with the problem. Maybe they'll get some decent practice out of it.
The aftermath is impossibly bloody. Honestly, I'd hate to see what life on the farm was like if this is anything to go by...
Tryrawr shows up with no weapon and settles for
ripping them apart with his teeth.
I begin to notice a lot of work orders being suspended, so I take a quick look around to find Silverlock being chased around a very large room by...
Whoops... well I'm surprised it took him this long to break out, but it looks like hatch covers won't cut it anymore. Anyway, all you really need to know is that Ashsaber...
Well he died again. R.I.P. Ashsaber.
(and congratulations on getting killed by the same monster twice)
This unfortunate accident has left 4 dwarves in the hospital... in addition to Dr. Gizogin who has been stuck there since the start of my turn, and, due to the fact that our other doctors are all horribly incompetent, likely won't be leaving anytime soon.
Get well soon Zeratul.
Not long after this, I recruit Kaamen as a doctor (cause she's good at that stuff apparently) and what do you know, she immediately goes to work on Gizogin, fixing two of his broken bones within a week, something that ArmageddonCounselor, Deathsword, and Dorfitron combined couldn't do
in an entire fucking year. Needless to say, that's a little too competent for my tastes, so I have her relieved of duty. Sorry Gizogin, looks like you're doomed to be stuck in a hospital bed forever. Or at least until you eventually succumb to that toe cancer of yours... (What, no one told you about that?)
Nexus...
People are staring...
Space, you're not just going to sit there and watch while your wife get drained of blood, are you?
...I guess you are. R.I.P. Space's wife.
With Nexus' thirst for blood quenched, I am finally able to safely complete a "secret project"
You know what this fortress needs more of?
Vomit. Random piles of vomit everywhere. I have no idea where they're coming from, and quite frankly, it's seriously starting to freak me out. From what I can tell, touching pretty much ANYTHING that came from outside, even so much as looking at it, immediately sends one into a spiral of profuse vomiting that lasts for several days. Mego's beautiful Gizogin door is completely covered in the stuff.
Meanwhile, Megaman and friends are throwing a party with our friendly neighborhood giant cave spider. They seem to think the vomit covered door is an artistic statement. Hell, maybe they were the ones that
caused the vomit.
Look at this. All that green is
vomit. Just one long trail of it from one staircase to the other. This fortress is a
goddamn mess.
That's it for the autumnal report. I'm pretty much done with my turn (just putting the finishing touches on the fortress and fixing our present lack of zombie), so the final update should be around in short order.
Wow..I completely missed my dwarf being christened...not really too close to my request..honestly I was willing to wait for what my post said..but eh..gift horses and mouths 
.
I was thinking more of a crazy redneck stereotype myself. At any rate, blame Deathsword for not putting the specifics in the OP
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Topic: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - Please do not feed the nobles (Read 576719 times)