Oh god, I forgot what XP Paint was like. At least it has the 16 Colours of the ASCII Backwards Hipster Rainbow built right in.
Drakes are like ducks, you know.
Not in this case. The person was using a mod. Note the part where he said, "I'm playing Masterwork where a Drake is a small dragon like lizard thing."
Oh, whoops.
Not exactly a report, but recently a webber titan attacked my dwarves and spammed webs until they died of dehydration.
I haven't actually played DF in a long while, but I still love the forums. Here is something insane that happened to me a while ago...
I had a child break both his hands somehow. This was back in the days when clothes wore out faster than a hooker on nickel night. Anyway, with both of his hands broken and in casts, he found himself naked after a few months and started going berzerk. He just hung around in the dining hall, attacking the nobles until somebody would knock him unconscious. Nobody put any clothes on him. They finally killed him, IIRC, but not until they had knocked him out and left him naked in the dining hall with his broken hands several times.
Dorfs are real jerks sometimes.
I had my oldest adventurer die a death worthy of him: he died of old age while falling off a cliff.
I haven't actually read that for the last two years so I probably messed something up.
While I don't have the reports on hand, these come from my one friend.
His one fortress had an epic animal revolution, which ended with the chickens dragging off the chef into the forest and pecking him to death. Guess he was on the menu.
In another fortress the same friend had, a crazed starving dwarf picked up a rock and bashed it through the head of another dwarf. The dying dwarf then collapsed on top of him, killing his killer.
I remember when a goblin snatcher got past my hallway of traps and nabbed a kid who had just left the hallway. Luckily the kid's father was right there and saw the snatcher, so he ran straight back into my hall of traps. However instead of the traps killing the goblin, the stone fall traps fell on the child, which then broke the child's skull and killed her.
The goblin evaded the two next traps before getting eviscerated by a giant corkscrew. Oh and the father got unhappy enough that I had to lock in his bedroom after he went berserk. He eventually died of thirst.
Epic thread 
It's a little out topic, but this comic is the reason why I discovered Dwarf Fortress:
http://www.thenoobcomic.com/index.php?pos=410
It's a satiric comic about Ultima Online.
Some of the interperations for the drawings are hilarious.
Here is my notable scenario. I was attempting my first 'dwarf wash'. It consisted of making a continual stream of water and I had it flow down 15-20 z-levels of spiral stairs that I had leading into the caves. The sheer volume of water flowing was a bit miscalculated and dwarfs that were on the stairs got washed all the way back down into the caves. They were unable to get back up the stairs until I turned the water off. The caves partially flooded too.
on a roap
I always drain my water-related projects into the caves. The best-case scenario is that an Adequate Swimmer manages to fend off a drowning GCS, maintaining his footing atop previous waves of Novice Swimmers.
A dwarven child arranged a party at a table that was in the middle of a dining room full of miasma, corpses, ghosts, and occasional zombies. The expedition leader "attended the party" whilst being haunted by 3 ghosts simultaneously. Then a zombie woodcutter barged in and interrupted the "party", eventually finishing off the fort's last sane dwarves.
Donkeys and dwarves don't seem to like each other when they've been locked in the same room for a while with approximately 6 billion cats.
Masterwork is pretty odd...
A human fortress made entirely out of hornblende. That's a lot of uranium.
stupid radon
> Gartheo the Forgetten Beast, towering emicated quadraped made of flame with wings.
> Killed in one shot to the head by 'Oneshot' my Elite Marksman
> Explosion burns him to death, sadly.
I thought only pitchblende had the uranium.
That's correct. Easy to mix up, though.
I wonder if pitchblende in high concentrations would cause health issues. I would certainly like some mutation interactions in Dwarf Fortress.
I think Toady would rather add more diabolical health risks than superpowers, but maybe that's just me.
Still, imagine building a uranium block-crusher that spreads radioactive dust everywhere and gives all the goblins cancer.
This. Just. This.
Giant Jumping Spiders are crazy scary. Blue is damage to the GJS, red is damage by the GJS.
The merchants from Ugutdomas have embarked on their journey.
The Giant Jumping Spider jumps away from The flying ({bronze bolt})!
The flying ({bronze bolt}) strikes The Giant Jumping Spider in the right fourth leg, tearing the muscle!
A ligament has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
The ({bronze bolt}) has lodged firmly in the wound!
The Marksdwarf stands up.
Imush Tankulet, Carpenter cancels Construct Building: Interrupted by Giant Jumping Spider.
The dwarves suspended the construction of Wall.
The Giant Jumping Spider charges at The Carpenter!
The Giant Jumping Spider misses The Carpenter!
The Giant Jumping Spider collides with The Carpenter!
The Carpenter is knocked over and tumbles backward!
The Giant Jumping Spider bites The Carpenter in the left hand, tearing apart the fat through the (pig tail fiber left mitten)!
The Giant Jumping Spider latches on firmly!
The Carpenter loses hold of the (pig tail fiber left mitten).
The Carpenter loses hold of the (pig tail fiber left glove).
The Giant Jumping Spider shakes The Carpenter around by the left hand and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The left hand is ripped away and remains in The Giant Jumping Spider's grip!
The Giant Jumping Spider lets the Imush Tankulet's left hand drop away as He attacks.
The Carpenter loses hold of the (pig tail fiber right mitten).
The Carpenter loses hold of the (pig tail fiber right glove).
The Giant Jumping Spider bites The Carpenter in the right hand and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The Carpenter stands up.
The Giant Jumping Spider charges at The Carpenter!
The Giant Jumping Spider misses The Carpenter!
The Giant Jumping Spider collides with The Carpenter!
The Carpenter is knocked over and tumbles backward!
The Giant Jumping Spider bites The Carpenter in the right foot, tearing apart the fat through the (cave spider silk shoe)!
The Giant Jumping Spider latches on firmly!
The Carpenter is no longer stunned.
The Carpenter loses hold of the (cave spider silk shoe).
The Carpenter loses hold of the (pig tail fiber sock).
The Giant Jumping Spider shakes The Carpenter around by the right foot and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The right foot is ripped away and remains in The Giant Jumping Spider's grip!
The Giant Jumping Spider bites The Carpenter in the left foot, tearing apart the skin through the (cave spider silk shoe)!
The Giant Jumping Spider latches on firmly!
The Carpenter loses hold of the (cave spider silk shoe).
The Carpenter loses hold of the (pig tail fiber sock).
The Giant Jumping Spider shakes The Carpenter around by the left foot and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The left foot is ripped away and remains in The Giant Jumping Spider's grip!
The Giant Jumping Spider charges at The Lasher!
The Giant Jumping Spider misses The Lasher!
The Giant Jumping Spider collides with The Lasher!
The Lasher is knocked over and tumbles backward!
The Giant Jumping Spider strikes at The Lasher but the shot is blocked!
The Lasher counterstrikes!
The Lasher lashes The Giant Jumping Spider in the right third leg with his ({bismuth bronze whip}), tearing the fat!
The Giant Jumping Spider strikes at The Lasher but the shot is blocked!
The Lasher counterstrikes!
The Lasher misses The Giant Jumping Spider!
Imush Tankulet, Carpenter has been found dead.
The Lasher is no longer stunned.
The Giant Jumping Spider misses The Lasher!
The Lasher stands up.
The Giant Jumping Spider charges at The Lasher!
The Giant Jumping Spider misses The Lasher!
The Giant Jumping Spider collides with The Lasher!
The Lasher is knocked over and tumbles backward!
The Giant Jumping Spider strikes at The Lasher but the shot is blocked!
The Lasher counterstrikes!
The Lasher misses The Giant Jumping Spider!
The Lasher loses hold of the ({mule leather shoe}).
The Lasher loses hold of the ({cave spider silk sock}).
The Giant Jumping Spider bites The Lasher in the left foot and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The Lasher is no longer stunned.
The Giant Jumping Spider misses The Lasher!
The Lasher counterstrikes!
The Lasher lashes The Giant Jumping Spider in the left first leg with his ({bismuth bronze whip}), tearing the fat and bruising the muscle!
The Giant Jumping Spider strikes at The Lasher but the shot is blocked!
The Giant Jumping Spider attacks The Lasher but He rolls away!
The Giant Jumping Spider attacks The Lasher but He scrambles away!
The Giant Jumping Spider attacks The Lasher but He rolls away!
Quick summary, as the dwarf caravan began to leave, a GJS appeared and got shot at by the caravan marksdwarf and then fled, pursued by the caravans lasher. It stumbled upon my Carpenter, and barely paused long enough to tear off his hands and feet before leaving him to die. Again it ran from the lasher but he caught up and gave it a couple of thwacks to the legs for the cost of his own foot. The GJS then decided he didn't want to risk any more of his legs and fled off the the map and the lasher then did the same, only he crawled.
I stopped trying after the third eye ;_;
Also, I forgot what browsing without AdBlock was like.
Can
you click that link before the ad uses its ancient
time runes to destroy all temporal continuity?!
Can
you guess what about this image makes you a terrible, terrible human being?
HINT: internet racism, thanks deviantart
Poll
156 (42.6%)
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Topic: I badly draw your reports! (Read 333756 times)