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[Loud Whispers]

By bolt, plow or hook...

I know this bolt has been fired by four Dwarves already.
First by Urist Likot Lion (twice), second by Urist Uvash Thunen, third by R. Risen and then by Baron Urist Muthkat. It is now in the quiver of Baron Urist Muthkat.
Dwarves sure know how to make things last. The little bolt that could. Kill everything.

[Nyxalinth]

So, a Herd of Giant Emus had decided to (Roost?) in front of the entrance. As the fort had only recently been established, this was a serious annoyance, so I sent the badly trained expedition leader after them to disperse them, maybe rough'em up a bit. He instead opted to use the "slaughter the shit out of them one at a time, scare the fuckers off" method. He started chasing them one at a time, murdering the shti out of them, but I noticed something weird. He would hit them, but they'd keep running. He'd slash them with his axe again, and they'd keep running. They all kept running until moter nerves were severed. They left very long Blood trails all over the outside as they ran and he ran after them. None ever attacked, only ran and ran and ran.

If you're on the surface and Giant Emu starts to wail
Hit him with an axe and he'll leave a bloody trail
Giant Emu runs on the road all day
Bloody gaping wounds will not make him change his ways

Giant Emu
That axedwarf is after you!
Giant Emu
If he catches you you're through!

WIN!

I hadn't thought of that in years...

[GoombaGeek]

Meanwhile, here's an unrelated comic. It is a true story.

[Splint]

SO I figured for the fun of it I'd share the death of an elf.

He disassembled a stairwell I had put up to build a roof, and wound up falling down a whole flight of stairs and killed by the log the stairs were made from.

[Noobazzah]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My fortress ended due to greedy mining of candy, but not the way you'd think. I had just uncovered a large vein and I started mining, always carefully estimating where not to dig so I wouldn't uncover something much more festive. Just in case, I had my steel-clad warriors posted near the miners. So, I dug up one z-level and a whole cavern lake started flowing in. The amusing part is that I had previously placed several notes on the previous z-level, warning about the cavern lake. My soldiers somehow got themselves trapped in a corner and drowned, the only one who survived was the very miner that caused the flood. The water then filled my candy mines and workshops.

[Loud Whispers]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My fortress ended due to greedy mining of candy, but not the way you'd think. I had just uncovered a large vein and I started mining, always carefully estimating where not to dig so I wouldn't uncover something much more festive. Just in case, I had my steel-clad warriors posted near the miners. So, I dug up one z-level and a whole cavern lake started flowing in. The amusing part is that I had previously placed several notes on the previous z-level, warning about the cavern lake. My soldiers somehow got themselves trapped in a corner and drowned, the only one who survived was the very miner that caused the flood. The water then filled my candy mines and workshops.

...Dig higher?

[doublestrafe]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My fortress ended due to greedy mining of candy, but not the way you'd think. I had just uncovered a large vein and I started mining, always carefully estimating where not to dig so I wouldn't uncover something much more festive. Just in case, I had my steel-clad warriors posted near the miners. So, I dug up one z-level and a whole cavern lake started flowing in. The amusing part is that I had previously placed several notes on the previous z-level, warning about the cavern lake. My soldiers somehow got themselves trapped in a corner and drowned, the only one who survived was the very miner that caused the flood. The water then filled my candy mines and workshops.

...Dig higher?

Aim deeper!

[Nyxalinth]

Well, Fraps is being stupid and refusing to screenshot, but basically I had a Were-mammoth show up, accompanied by some random human.  The two fought each other, and the human managed to bite its eyelid off before the Were-mammoth picked him up by his chicken leather skirt and crushed his skull with his teeth.  Once the human was dead, the Were-mammoth shifted back to human form and ran away.

[Nyxalinth]

Wow...did I kill the thread? 

Here's another one:

The Recruit punches the Recruit in the tongue with his right hand, lightly tapping the target!

Oh, DF.  Don't ever change.

[Bigheaded]

Well, Fraps is being stupid and refusing to screenshot

whats wrong with pressing the screenshot button, opening paint, pasting the screenshot, then saving screenshot?

Sad times are happening for this thread, i get tonnes of weird animal attacks including a giant cave spider biting my legendary swordsdwarf in the head but deflected by helm for about 14 pages, but even that's been done :/.

[GoombaGeek]

[Loud Whispers]

"I knew it I should've brought pig tails instead ;_;"

[4533josh]

The militia commander bashes the Ogre's head with his (+ Steel War Hammer +), smashing the spine and damaging the nervous tissue!
The militia commander bashes the Ogre's left lower leg with his (+ Steel War Hammer +) smashing the bone!
The militia commander bashes the Ogre's left foot with his (+ Steel War Hammer +) smashing the bone!
The militia commander bashes the Ogre's left upper leg with his (+ Steel War Hammer +) smashing the bone!
The militia commander bashes the Ogre's right foot with his (+ Steel War Hammer +) smashing the bone!
The militia commander bashes the Ogre's right lower leg with his (+ Steel War Hammer +) smashing the bone!
The militia commander bashes the Ogre's right upper leg with his (+ Steel War Hammer +) smashing the bone!

#################################################################################################
Pretty much sat there torturing the ogre, left to go get a drink, then came back and began to work the upper body
#################################################################################################

The militia commander bashes the Ogre's lower body with his (+ Steel War Hammer +) bruising the guts!
The militia commander bashes the Ogre's upper body with his (+ Steel War Hammer +) smashing the kidney!
Urist McBuzzkill stabs the Ogre's head with his (+ Bizmuth Bronze short sword +), smashing the bone and tearing the brain!

#####
This happened about 30m ago, but no screenies D:

[Bigheaded]

Was amused by this one. So much would want to be drawn:

My dwarf broke both her left and her right hand. After extensive surgery and bonesetting, she's up and about, now stuck with an endless clean self job. She walk to the soap stockpile, to pick up soap, then takes 3 steps towards the well. Only to find out, she did not pick up soap at the stockpile, because both her hands are broken and in casts. So she moves towards the stockpile again. There's no job cancellation spam, and the clean self job does not go away for a moment, whether she is walking towards or away from the stockpile. I checked by progressing time one step at a time. There's not a single "no job" to be seen. She does however flash a red questionmark. Putting her in a military squad and giving her a move order does not break the loop, she keeps the clean self job, but she does change to to recruit appearance when I activate her. Just now, she stopped the job to go get a drink. Apparently she bit open a barrel to drink from it, for she is no longer thirsty, and heading back to the clean self job. I suppose I am stuck with this behaviour until either her broken arms heal, she dies to her infection, or she bleeds out (the last doctor seems to have performed a bad job, causing her to bleed)

Stolen without requesting cos i'm gay!

But really, both of those are amusing! One is easier to draw

[Nyxalinth]

Well, Fraps is being stupid and refusing to screenshot

whats wrong with pressing the screenshot button, opening paint, pasting the screenshot, then saving screenshot?

Sad times are happening for this thread, i get tonnes of weird animal attacks including a giant cave spider biting my legendary swordsdwarf in the head but deflected by helm for about 14 pages, but even that's been done :/.

Nothing, except I'm on a laptop, and the print screen is shared with another button and nothing in the docs tells me how to use print screen instead of end