Because I brought it up in passing a page ago, I wanna ask: What dialect does my English most closely resemble?
It doesn’t. Dialects don’t translate well via text, ken?
Shot myself in the foot with that one, huh?
I'm paraphrasing Dave Gorman here; it's like those dumb Yahoo Answers questions like "How many seconds in a minute?" or "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun?". It's a question where if a kid asked it in a classroom, the teacher would ask how'd they gotten to such a ludicrous question, because the question hasn't been fully formed. Of course, this isn't a classroom, this is a secluded corner of the Internet, so I guess y'all can start riffing on it now.
Yeah sorry meth
I'm gonna go out on a limb here because we're both non-native speakers and I'm guessing you got caught British English in school as well... So yeah my English is basically British school English as taught by teachers of differing ability to actually talk like an Englishman rather than a Swede (including one Polish woman who had studied English in France before we moved to Sweden and spoke with a mix of glut lower class English with French drift), then influenced by a massive amount of American English media so I'm probably more American now than British, and all of this of course layered over me breaking into my own broad Swedish accent at any or all times.
And I'm guessing your experience may be similar?
I mean, I consume almost entirely English media, I understand almost all of it, I think in English, I'd consider myself to be a native English speaker. It just so happened that I live somewhere where English is supposed to be a second language. I have no clue how I got here. My parents are both locals, my grandparents too. Like, I guess I was just so enthusiastic about computers (and computing is an English-dominated field as far as language goes) that I skipped over learning the language that was supposed to be my native one.
But of course, living somewhere where people don't produce much, if any, English-language media, I ended up absorbing a lot of the culture of places that do speak English through the media I consume and the people I talk to. I think the bias is quite strongly on American and British media, though I'm not actually sure which one I'm locking on to. I certainly type in American English, using most of its conventions, but then I use "nor", which is mainly a British thing. My goal is "compatibility first, standards compliance third". I wouldn't be surprised if I sound (insofar as accent/dialect can be inferred over a text-only channel) like no place in particular.
The people who have heard my voice (i.e. none of you, and I intend to keep it that way for now) say I sound very American. No strong localized accent, but definitely 'general American'. I avoid evaluating my own accent (as I do with most everything else external presentation-wise about myself), so I suppose that's true. I can't tell.