http://www.freewebs.com/csevans/
It's nothing terribly exciting, or gripping, astounding or anything. It's incredibly average, and cliche. Though it does have less typographical errors, and has better structure then his other work. I'm considering doing a dramatic reading of it.
The leaders of each world gathered together deep in talks about a place that would be the shining star in the galaxy. After many years their dream finally became a reality, and indeed it was a shining star of their new empire as they had dreamed. A city brighter then any star in the night sky shone as a symbol of hope for across the vastness of space.
(Highlighting mine)
Ick. I'm sure I could come up with much worse; but honestly, between the odd capitalization, punctuation and confusing sentence structure, even just that first paragraph drained me of my will to live.
I want people not to to put the book down and weep when it's sad...
It's sad, and I'm weeping... but I don't think this is what the author had in mind.
If this is a "literary experience that goes beyond all others," then apparently the author has never read anything over a grade school primer.
edit: Ok, I couldn't help myself. Here's the next paragraph:
The joy that all the united worlds shared was short lived. Soon ships began moving into uncharted parts of the galaxy in hopes of finding new worlds. Deep in the darkness one small ship would alter the fate of the galaxy. They came across an area of space that had not seen the light of light of civilization In well more than ten thousand years. The Omatanar called this place “Nacdehk bmyla uv dra tacdnuoanc” Which means resting place of the destroyers. Pushing on despite warnings they passed the great barrier and came across a beautiful untouched world. Unknowingly this one ship released a dark force from their eternal prison. Moving a storm nothing was strong enough to stop them world after world fell to the power of the storm until only one remained.
Note that, at this point in the story (the second paragraph), we've never heard of who or what the 'Omatanar' are/were. Generally speaking, after calling them out by name, it would be a good time to give some description about them... but nope, apparently they just named this place.
"Pushing on despite warnings" - What warnings? The fact that these Omatanar guys called the place "The resting place of the destroyers"? Hell, that could just be a poor translation for a rest stop.
"They passed the great barrier" - What barrier?
"Moving a
storm nothing was strong enough to stop them world after world fell to the power of the
storm until only one remained. " - The first part of that sentence is just a 'huh?' Moving
like a storm, maybe?
This guy makes my head hurt.