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[Scelly9]

Use hand being stabbed and disarm farmer. Wallrun up the wall, do a backflip and land on the farmer, stabbing him through the head.

[Dermonster]

Use latent powers of SWAGGER on Hawk.

[monk12]

Squirrel- Rally the forest creatures as your personal army!

Also we need to name this squirrel. I'm not sure what would be good for a Rastafarian rodent, though.

[Caellath]

Also we need to name this squirrel. I'm not sure what would be good for a Rastafarian rodent, though.

Go for the classics and name him Rob Marley. He should also be a Proficient (Spiked) Brownie Maker.

[lawastooshort]

Search the farm grounds for some kind of domesticated farm animal to barbecue.

[Gatleos]

(...) With a great heaving motion, Gatleos dredges up the massive ball of thread from the depths of the twelfth bay! The soaked mass crashes down in front of him.

So, it's time to get on with Hero Caddies after my long absence. But before we got on with it I thought I'd write a summary of what's happened so far, to get everyone caught up.
Nine filthy peasants and a filthier bartender sat in the Laughing Dongrel tavern in the backwater town of Zabrek. While going about their business of chugging down gallons and gallons of industrial-strength grog, the doors flew open and the five heroes of legend stepped in! They explained that they needed five loyal servants to aid them on their quest to stop the mad warlock Gortharius from invading the country with his army of horrors! But they could only take five of the tavern patrons with them.

After a short silence, the tavern clientele turned on each other and a brawl began! One long bloody battle later, in which the tavern exploded, the Dongrel was set loose, the town was set on fire and the town guard was toasted, the five heroes of legend chose the remaining five peasants to be their loyal Hero Caddies! The wild Dongrel from the tavern basement was tamed by one of the heroes and it joined the party, its name Mr. Wiffles! They rode off into the sunset, their first destination the town of Avindell.

The Caddies' first test was decided: they were tasked with gathering supplies and ingredients for the heroes and cooking them a simple stew. The Caddies somehow managed to send the heroes' cart careening down the street and ended up pinning the whole fiasco on Azatek Litz! Odysseus gave the order and Coratra Gladomain finished Azatek off, leaving him in the street to rot. Meanwhile, Caddio Nine managed to accidentally get himself inducted into a secret society of necromancers in Avindell

The next morning the adventurers and their caddies set off for their next destination, after being joined by a new caddy! The party rode out of town toward the city of Quarrin. As they rode across the countryside, the necromancer cult back in Avindell caught on to Caddio's supposed infiltration and resurrected the corpse of Azatek Litz, turning him into the undead bounty hunter known as Azatek Lich to send after the heroes!

And then Orcs and turnips and Dongrels and farmers and a squirrel and a bear and oh you might as well just read it. NOW LET'S GET ON WITH THIS

[Toaster]

IT LIVES

[monk12]

Gat's back! Again!

[Toaster]

Now we just need Roll to Deathmatch to come back.


Cough cough

[Gatleos]

It's good to be back.
Turn 11 - Tactical Home Invasion

(...) Raul bursts out of the forest screaming incoherently, grabbing forest critters and throwing them haphazardly! He manages to get some of them off, but the rest continue to cling to him and bite at his flesh! (ATT) (DEF) The small rodents screech and swarm over Raul's skin, digging at him ferociously!

Caddio, realizing that it's probably not the best idea to head for the front door of the farmhouse, uses a sharp rock to cleanly remove the twigs from a long, thick fallen tree branch. He then uses the branch to pole vault up to the second floor and slip through the window! He scans his surroundings; he appears to be in a small bedroom, a wardrobe to his right and a bed containing a sleeping woman (!) to his left. Huh. Must be a heavy sleeper. Rob Marley climbs onto the sleeping woman's face and scans the area for woodland critters to make his thralls. Unsurprisingly he doesn't find any.
"Good one mon! Maybe you are not quite as stupid as I thought!"

Downstairs, Denor continues to battle the (surprisingly capable) farmer! (...) Denor attempts to pull the pitchfork from his hand and disarm the farmer, but only succeeds in freeing his hand. (ATT) (DEF) Springing up from the floor with lightning speed, Denor runs up the wall and surprise-attacks the farmer from above! The farmer is too fast however, and handsprings backward to avoid Denor's assault.
(ATT) (DEF) The farmer responds by charging forward with his pitchfork, but Denor leaps into the air and descends toward the farmer's head! (ATT) (DEF) Denor is too fast for the farmer, and his foot collides with the man's face! The farmer recovers and spins around to face Denor as he lands, blood trickling from his mouth.

Outside the farmhouse, Derek stares up at the hawk roosting high up in a nearby tree with his finger. (...) His swagger serves only to horrify the fey spirits who occupy the forest, but while gyrating his hips he notices something large climbing up the side of the tree toward the hawk. It's Mr. Wiffles! The curious Dongrel reaches the branch on which the hawk is perched, but the bird simply flies off and lands on top of the nearby barn! Mr. Wiffles teeters uneasily on the high branch.

(...) Bryan, his mind on his duties as official cook of the party, heads away from the farmhouse in search of meat. Before long he comes across a large, dilapidated barn. A hawk stares down at him with a finger in its beak as he approaches the door. A heavy padlock is affixed to the barn door, but both the chains and walls of the barn themselves seem rather flimsy. Bryan hears cows and horses stirring inside the barn.

(...) The bear still seems completely oblivious to the commotion in and around the house and stays in the kitchen, pushing open the door to the larder and sniffing through the food stocks inside.

Dinner deadline in: 6h16m

Status
Player: lawastooshort
Name: Bryan
Adventurer: Davkul Stalkingwolf [HP:20/20] [MP:12/20]
Currently: Barn (Outside); looking for animals to cook up.
Inventory: Peasant Robe | Slip of Paper
[HP:8/10] Injuries
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek Letum
Adventurer: Ravaatra Hellbinder [HP:20/20] [MP:14/20]
Currently: Dirt Path; shimmying disconcertingly.
Inventory: Peasant Robe | Vial of Blood
[HP:7/10] Injuries
Player: Taricus
Name: Raul
Adventurer: Vladimir Silverblade [HP:20/20] [MP:12/20]
Currently: Dirt Path; fighting small forest rodents!
Inventory: Peasant Robe
[HP:3/10] Injuries
Player: IronyOwl
Name: Caddio Nine
Adventurer: Odysseus Hawklight [HP:20/20] [MP:14/20]
Currently: Farmhouse; searching for garments.
Inventory: N/A
[HP:8/10] Injuries
Player: Scelly9
Name: Denor
Adventurer: Coratra Gladomain [HP:20/20] [MP:12/20]
Currently: Farmhouse; continuing his epic struggle against the farm's owner.
Inventory: Peasant Robe
[HP:4/10] Injuries

Spoiler: Mr. Wiffles (Dongrel) (click to show/hide)

Description: A large reptilian creature with sharp claws, native to humid swamp environments. This one was formerly owned by the barkeep of the tavern in the town of Zabrek, who may or may not have been joking about using its urine as an additive in his on-tap grog. It was tamed by Coratra Gladomain after escaping and causing havoc in Zabrek, and as a result has become permanently docile and friendly, unable to bring itself to attack a living being.
Inventory: N/A
[HP:10/10] Injuries

Spoiler: Rob Marley (Squirrel) (click to show/hide)

Description: A small forest rodent that is loyal to Caddio. He wears a badass little eyepatch and has an inexplicable Rastafarian accent.
Inventory: Eyepatch
[HP:3/5] Injuries

Hero Caddies      Book I: The Bane of Gortharius      Chapter I: The Chalice of Hope

[Dermonster]

"No.... Nooo.. Nooo nonono Noooo!"

Prevent Mr. Wiffles from constructing a skylight. Rue the bird.

[lawastooshort]

Sneak into the barn or, if this is not possible or doesn't work, break the doors down. Have a look inside for some kind of animal-killing implement.

[Taricus]

OH GOD GET THEM OFF!

[IronyOwl]

!!QUIETLY!! steal find self some clothes.

[Scelly9]

End it quickly. Kick him into something hard or pointy.