Severedcoils II:
The Reckoning
(https://i.postimg.cc/Dw6h1W7Z/entry.jpg)
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"Severedcoils 'I' or 'II?' Which should I read first?"
'Severedcoils' and 'Severedcoils II: The Reckoning' are two separate stories being told concurrently to form a single narrative from two perspectives. This gives you, the reader, some options as to how to tackle this story:
Fortress Mode: 'Severedcoils' (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=43395.0) is the original Dwarf Fortress community challenge, still in progress. In 'Fortress Mode,' read 'Severedcoils' first, learning all the backstory behind the fortress and all the events leading up to the cast of Severedcoils II being sent on their adventure. 'Severedcoils' is currently paused at a point in time in which the adventuring party is scheduled to arrive back, and will resume when the stories converge. Read 'Severedcoils' first up to & including page 54, when the stories split, then read 'Severedcoils II' to see what's happening in another part of the world. Feel free to jump back and forth between the stories from this point on, using the dates at the top of each post to guide you chronologically. (Concurrent storytelling does not begin until Chapter II of SCII)
Adventure Mode: 'Severedcoils II: The Reckoning' (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=179153.msg8323565#msg8323565) is a DnD 5e adventure about an adventuring party sent to collect magical treasures by the caretakers of Severedcoils - but for what purpose? And will the party find more than they bargained for? In 'Adventure Mode,' skip 'Severedcoils,' and read 'Severedcoils II' first; This will simulate the perspective of the real-world DnD players, who don't know the history of 'Severedcoils' and are learning as it's revealed to them, bit by bit. In this path, 'Severedcoils' becomes a [F]orbidden source of mystery, which might be a more enjoyable experience for new readers. Read 'Severedcoils II' first, and avoid all links to 'Severedcoils' until such time that the adventuring party is welcomed to read it themselves by means of a big, plot-related reveal.
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Chapter 1: The Sunken Citadel
(https://i.postimg.cc/m2jb0xSw/World-Civs2.png)
Ages ago, a stronghold held sacred to dragonkind sunk into the earth. Now, it is overrun with warring factions of kobolds and goblins, not to mention a new breed of monster made of living shrubbery. Records of the site's history and inhabitants have all but vanished, save for the engravings left on immortal stone within, but now it is known as Akmammestthos - The Sunken Citadel.
This is a total conversion of DnD's 'The Sunless Citadel' into Dwarf Fortress 40d. The idea is to run a campaign from the map while using the game in a paused state to reference details and items in rooms.
Get the save here! (https://dffd.bay12games.com/file.php?id=15714)
Fortress Level
(https://i.postimg.cc/NMkqWv1V/The-Sunken-Citadel-F1-64.png)
The Fortress Level is recreated as-is, with some slight deformation where room dimensions couldn't exactly fit as mapped. Construction was impeded by the presence of an underground pond, so the dungeon was built over top. A well has been added to one of the goblin's guard rooms, and in Area 39 ("Dragon Haze") an additional door has been added. This door is shut with a masterful lock that can only be opened with a key held by the troll in Area 12 ("Tomb of a Failed Dragonpriest") and leads to a new area, the Noble's Level
Noble's Level
(https://i.postimg.cc/CKDVsqdw/The-Sunken-Citadel-B1-64.png)
This floor is a special suite dedicated to officials and the upper class. Only the elite of the dragon cult had access to this level, and the key has been lost for ages (the entombed dragonpriest holds the key). During the great calamity that consumed the Citadel, the upper caste sealed themselves off and prepared for the worst, but did not survive the collapse. Now, their bodies roam these halls as zombies, with a few ex-royal guards still geared to defend. A wraith waits for intruders to stumble into the crypt.
Grove Level
(https://i.postimg.cc/3RTQSxDm/The-Sunken-Citadel-B2-64.png)
Belak the Outcast awaits at the Gulthias Tree deep within the Citadel. It has been recreated as faithfully as possible.
If you want to use these maps for your own campaign, here are some sprites to populate it with (https://drive.google.com/file/d/18UjGOsLMX5do2UmTLvFL1TRldbt6Jo4A/view?usp=sharing), adapted from the Guybrush tileset.
If you're playing the Sunless Citadel from the 'Tales from the Yawning Portal' module, check out The Hearth of Wrath (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=179019.0) for when your party reaches the Forge of Fury.
*This story takes place in the same world as, and is chronologically linked to Severedcoils. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=43395) The dates in this thread will line up with the dates in that one where they fall into place. To preserve the mystery of this story, it is recommended you do *not* read Severedcoils until the story is revealed to the players here
This work includes material taken from the System Reference Document 5.1 (“SRD 5.1”) by Wizards of
the Coast LLC and available at https://dnd.wizards.com/resources/systems-reference-document. The
SRD 5.1 is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License available at
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/legalcode.
This wouldn't be a 'community fort' without some players involved, right? Here's the cast of this campaign (Yes, these are real players):
(https://i.postimg.cc/Y0wdhNM2/herof-party.jpg)
Minis painted by Gray Fox, aka Sergei Bloodscale (@joshthomas45 (https://twitter.com/joshthomas45))
(Feel free to open 'Spoiler' tags from here on out - unless otherwise specified, they contain images pertaining to the story and are meant to be there)
Alefgard Tantagel
(https://i.postimg.cc/RFccTKQM/alefgard64.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/XJ52j1MD/herof-alefgard.jpg)
Bubb
(https://i.postimg.cc/MHS58TM7/bubb64.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/TPF7XMsD/herof-bubb.jpg)
Edward
(https://i.postimg.cc/5y5SFnPR/edward64.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/htGpztWm/herof-edward.jpg)
ratNAROk the Unstoppable
(https://i.postimg.cc/1348qstG/ratnarok64.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/9FbLQqSV/herof-ratnarok.jpg)
Sergei Bloodscale
(https://i.postimg.cc/hGQ1zxV8/sergei64.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/NfBNtxdp/herof-sergei.jpg)
Space Pants
(https://i.postimg.cc/029nWzqx/spacepants64.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/L80vzF2b/herof-spacepants.jpg)
Zumies
(https://i.postimg.cc/dtnBzJqC/zumies64.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/25bGG958/herof-zumies.jpg)
And special guest:
Meepo
(https://i.postimg.cc/C55y1Fpd/meepo64.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/BZxhRzBj/herof-meepo.jpg)
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Our heroes set forth from Severedcoils, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=43395.msg8305910#msg8305910) with one singular task: Retrieve the fabled magic apple from the Sunken Citadel, and deliver it to Severedcoils. The party was well-provisioned, with enough supplies sponsored by their employer to make the 22-day trek there and back.
4 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
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They arrived at the town of Oakhurst, just a few miles from the Sunken Citadel, and they heard from the tavernkeep about a party of adventurers who braved the Citadel a month ago but never returned. Otherwise, the party was overly eager to delve into the dungeon, and decided not to hang around town for long.
A few hours later, they were at the edge of a chasm, beneath which the Sunken Citadel slept. It was late in the day, so the party decided to make camp here.
(https://i.postimg.cc/wBjBtFCL/01-camp-start.png)
With the fire burning, the party settled in for a well-deserved rest. Edward, the human bard, plucked his lute as the rest of the party sharpened their weapons and dug into their rations.
"Ah, goblins," Sergei Bloodscale, the dragonborn warrior, said, "you can never kill too many, am I right?"
"Nothing like the thrill of a good fight!" ratNAROk, the mouseman barbarian replied. "Those goblins we met on the way here didn't stand a chance."
Alefgard, a human wizard, allowed himself a chuckle. "They really thought that overturned wagon was going to protect them. Surprising they already had the start of a burrow going underneath, but it obviously did them no good."
"That 'Mold Earth' spell of yours worked great, Space Pants," said Zumies, the half-elf thief. "Pulling the ground out from under the wagon and spilling their moat into their hovel was a solid plan."
"Shut up, elf," the felis sorceror shot back as he snorted a handful of catnip.
Bubb, a metal being devoted to the clergy of Zokun, the god of fortresses, war, death, rebirth, and birth, sat perfectly still by the fire, motionless as a statue. A swarm of flies buzzed all around it, but it paid them no mind.
Edward paused his strumming as he looked around. "Sure are a lot of dead shrubs around here. That's kinda weird, right?"
Alefgard shrugged. "They're bushes, big deal. Maybe there's a blight on them or something."
Zumies looked around, his eyes growing wide with realization. "Uh... hey, wait a minute, aren't those bushes closer to us than they were a minute ago?"
As if on cue, all around them the bushes started to move and close in around them.
(https://i.postimg.cc/4xZyGXw8/02-camp-fight.png)
Twiggy appendages moved swiftly with a ferocity unmatched by typical flora. The party leapt to their feet to slay the arboreal assailants. Sergei turned them to kindling with his fire breath; ratNAROk squeaked as he entered a rage and laid into the enemy; Space Pants used the campfire to ignite his crossbow bolts and set fire to the woody monstrosities.
The battle won, the party looked around at the piles of dead twigs left by the enemy.
"What in blazes was that?!" said Edward.
"Some foul magic," said Sergei. "We should be on our way, lest more of those things find us."
5 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
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With their camp packed and put away, the party prepared to climb down into the chasm to reach the Sunken Citadel. A rope from a previous party was found tied to a post near the ledge, and, finding it sturdy, the party used it to climb down to a ledge below.
As soon as they set foot on the ledge, the party was accosted by a pack of starving, giant rats!
(https://i.postimg.cc/TYn1BKjL/03-ledge.png)
"More fodder!" Sergei exclaimed triumphantly as he waded in.
Space Pants cornered a rat and cast an illusion to frighten it. "Go on, jump off the cliff," he urged. The rat obliged, though it climbed down rather than leapt to its death.
"My brethren!" ratNAROk put away his sword. "You're embarrassing yourselves! I'll stop you."
ratNAROk charged in and tackled one of the rats, wrestling it and pinning it to the ground. A rodent himself, ratNAROk was able to communicate with the giant rats.
"You are beaten! Call your friends off."
"Hungry," the giant rat said. "We want food!"
"All you'll find from us is death, unless you comply."
The giant rat struggled a little, but gave in and fell limp. "Fine, no eat mouse and friends."
"What's his name?" Alefgard asks, bemused.
"Rat Benetar?" Edward offered.
"BoRat?" suggested Alefgard
Space Pants bats at their new rat friend. Space Pants rubs himself on the rat. Space Pants does catnip.
The battle ended, ratNAROk let the giant rat go. It lingered, for some reason reluctant to leave its new mousey acquaintance. ratNAROk gives it a small ration to satisfy its hunger.
The party made it the rest of the way down the cliff, to the bottom of the chasm. There, beneath the opposite cliff face, lay the entrance to the dungeon.
A raised platform covered in broken masonry stood before the party. ratNAROk turned to the giant rat and asked, "Are there more of your friends down here?"
"Yes!" the rat replied. "We are many! We are legion! Please watch step on rocks, we live under there."
Upon hearing this, Bubb walked up to the masonry and stuck its sword into the pile of rubble. Nothing happened.
"We just need to watch our step, then," Sergei said as he picked his way through the debris. "We just have to get to that door over-- oop!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/9X6zxd9H/04-entry.png)
A pit trap opened beneath Sergei's feet! He fell ten feet into a hole, finding himself face to face with another giant rat and the corpse of the goblin it was eating.
Before the rat in the pit can attack, ratNAROk asked his rat friend to intervene. "No eat friend," the rat says to the other, "just go!" The rat in the pit obliged, leaving Sergei and the rest of the party alone.
"Thank you," ratNAROk said to his rat companion. "You can go now." The two giant rats leave together.
Sergei pulled himself out of the pit. A 2-foot wide catwalk spanned the middle of the pit to reach the door. "Well? What are we waiting for? Let's get in there."
5 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
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Having navigated past the hungry rats, the party found the entrance to the Sunken Citadel. The stronghold itself had sunken beneath the earth ages ago; What once was a tower standing watch for miles around was now but a hole in the wall at the bottom of a dark chasm.
The door opened with a creak, stirring dust into the air. Inside the tower lay the bodies of four goblins, apparently slain in battle. One of the corpses stood stuck to the far wall, the spear that impaled it still protruding through its chest.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Dypq06JS/045-tower.png)
"Hm... I wonder if that rubble is hiding something," said Zumies, moving to inspect the rocks on the south wall. Alas, the search turned up nothing, though something told the rogue there was still something suspicious about these rocks. For now, though, they would have to wait. Perhaps there would be time for a more thorough search later.
Proceeding through the north door, the party found a hallway leading to three more. First, they checked the north room, finding it to be empty. Then, they tried the south. The door was locked, but Zumies had no trouble picking it. Inside was a keg of rusted iron.
Sergei shook the keg, hearing the sound of liquid sloshing around inside. "Hm... let's see what's in here, shall we?" He effortlessly pulled off the bung sealing the keg shut - immediately releasing the ice and steam mephits inside!
(https://i.postimg.cc/hPHt2ZXW/05-mephits.png)
The mephits leapt out and immediately attacked. The ice mephit went down fast, but the steam mephit dodged every attack, and made fighting in the cramped room extremely difficult.
"I'll take care of this," said Alefgard. He held up his tome and prepared to cast a spell. He had a little trouble remembering the incantation, however - having dropped out of mage academy, Alefgard's magic was imperfect, occasionally going haywire and producing unexpected results. This time, he got the incantation right, as he cast an Ice Knife into the small room. The shard of ice cut through the steam mephit, but then shattered and struck the party members inside with ice shrapnel!
"Uh... heads up!"
ratNAROk shook off the blast, and looked at his arm, covered in small cuts and scratches from the ice. "Hey, be more careful next time!"
"There once was a mouse from Franducket," said Bubb, "who liked to stab steam in a bucket, his friends they said STOP, while he was mid chop, but the mousefolk said, 'meh, let's just--'"
"I know how that one ends," cuts in Edward.
With the mephits defeated, the party inspected the keg. Five tiny sapphires laid at the bottom, worth a small price. Pocketing the meager treasure, they moved on to the third and final door at the end of the hall.
(https://i.postimg.cc/kX9PhNfh/06-meepo.png)
The door opened into a large, crumbling chamber. A firepit in the center of the room sat idle, and an iron cage centered the south wall, a large hole busted out of the side. Runes and glyphs were painted all around the room in green dye, and on a bench on the other side of the room, something laid weeping in a bedroll.
"Hey. Hey you," Space Pants called out. The cat walked over and poked the bedroll with his crossbow. "Wake up. What's your deal?"
A scaly head poked out from the bedroll as the kobold turned to face them. "Oh. Meepo sad. They come and take dragon, Meepo's only friend. Now Meepo have nobody."
"Who came?" Bubb asked.
"Goblins. They came and raided, and they captured Calcryx, our clan's white dragon. Meepo is Keeper of Dragons, so it's Meepo's job to keep Calcryx safe. But Meepo fail."
From seemingly nowhere, several voices seemed to be whispering in the air all around them. "Loooooserrrrr," one said. "Yoooouuu suuuuuck," said another. "You're not good enooouuuugh."
"Meepo know," said the kobold, as if used to hearing these voices.
"Where's that coming from?" Edward wondered.
"Meepo don't know, but they're right. Meepo suck."
"Aw, don't be like that," said ratNAROk. "Maybe we can help you get your dragon back?"
"Really?" Meepo perked up. "Would you do that?"
ratNAROk shrugged. "I mean, sure! We're already here, might as well."
"Well, okay. But first, I should take you to Yusdrayl. Yusdrayl our leader. She'll want to know you're on our side."
(https://i.postimg.cc/9fL4gFdr/07-yusdrayl.png)
Meepo lead the party through a door that lead to a hallway with worn carvings of dragons etched on its pillars. Kobold guards flanked the hallway, eyeing the party suspiciously as they passed, but leaving them be as they were being escorted by Meepo. At the end of the hallway, four larger elite guards stood around a throne of broken masonry, situated in front of a marble statue of a dragon. Upon the makeshift throne sat their leader, Yusdrayl.
"Ah, more adventurers?" Yusdrayl spoke loudly, her voice grating to hear. "Best turn back now, before you wind up like the last adventurers who came through here!"
"Yusdrayl," Meepo said, "these people want to help us find Calcryx."
"You mean help you find Calcryx!" Yusdrayl spat at Meepo. "You're the Keeper of Dragons - without a dragon, you might as well be the Keeper of Dung!"
The elite guards laughed at the remark. Meepo sagged his shoulders.
"Perhaps you could give us some information about where the goblins went with the dragon?" Edward asked.
"Those stinking goblins! They think they can come here and take whatever they want. They shouldn't even be here! This site is hallowed ground for dragonkind. We are descendants of dragons, therefore we are the rightful owners of this place! I do not know where they would have taken her, but you can take the back way through to their territory. Go back to Calcryx's room, and take the door on the northeast wall. If you bring her back, I shall grant you a reward."
"What can you tell us about the apple?" Alefgard asked.
"Ah, those apples! Every year, the goblins take a magic apple from somewhere down below and sell it on the surface. I know not why they do this, but they do it for Belak, the Outcast. He lives down below and gives them the fruit to sell."
"Do you know anything about those twig monsters?" said ratNAROk.
"The twig blights. They are Belak's pets, and they are numerous in the lower levels. Be wary of any bush you see!"
"Alright, I've heard enough," said Space Pants. "We'll go find your dragon or whatever."
Yusdrayl turned to Meepo. "You're lucky you found some adventurers to do your job for you. Go with them - and bring back my dragon!!"
5 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
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Following Yusdrayl's directions, the party found the back way into goblin territory. Zumies lead the way down the narrow passage, using his darkvision to scout ahead.
(https://i.postimg.cc/LXvWkw7p/08-backway.png)
"Shh!" Zumies raised his hand. "Guards. Three of them... bigger than goblins."
"Those are hobgoblins," said Sergei. "Yusdrayl didn't say anything about them!"
Zumies watched the guards for another moment. "They aren't paying attention. They're talking amongst themselves. Come, if we're quiet, we can get the drop on them."
Zumies and Sergei quietly crept down the hallway, succeeding in reaching their opponents undetected. Zumies grabbed the nearest and slashed its throat, and Sergei charged in and assaulted the next. Edward rushed in and ran down the last, burying his rapier in the hobgoblin's skull.
"Ha! Not even a challenge," said Sergei. "This will be a walk in the park."
Edward cleaned the hobgoblin blood off of his sword, and holds his hands out to Alefgard.
"Cucumber melon?" Alefgard reached into his cloak for hand sanitizer.
"I was hoping for peppermint, but I guess this'll do."
"I have some lavender scented bottles," suggested ratNAROk.
"I may have a sugar cookie one someone gifted me from Holy Marmot's Day."
ratNAROk said, "Ooh, wanna trade?"
The battle won, the party moved through the door the hobgoblins were guarding. They found themselves in a room with an ornate fountain set against the eastern wall. A well-crafted carving of a diving dragon loomed over the basin of the fountain.
(https://i.postimg.cc/HxTKyd6z/09-fountain.png)
"Hm," said Sergei. "There's an inscription here in draconic. It says... 'Let there be fire.'"
As soon as Sergei spoke the words, a glowing orange liquid poured out of the dragon's mouth into the basin!
"What do you think this is?"
"Give me ten minutes, and I can find out," says Edward.
Edward performed a ritual of Identification. The liquid, it turned out, was a watered-down version of a Potion of Firebreathing. It seemed to be effective only in granting a flame breath once, but there were enough for six vials. Bubb, who came equipped with 20 empty vials in his pack, scooped up the liquid and distributed it to the party.
(https://i.postimg.cc/L5b0wf2Q/10-shrubs.png)
Through the next door, they found a room that opened up to a passage north. Dead-looking shrubs sprouted between the cracks of the broken mortar floor.
"Gee, I wonder what these could be." Space Pants goes to the nearest bush in front of the west door and marks his territory on it. The bush does not respond.
"Hm... just a normal shrub," said Zumies.
"Not those ones!" ratNAROk shouts, as the bushes to the north came to life and attacked!
"Sergei, remember what we talked about?" said Edward.
"Ready when you are!"
Edward waved his hand and cast a Sleep spell! It proved to be very effective, knocking most of the twig blights out in one go.
"Alright, now!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZnRMwjty/11-blights.png)
Sergei exhaled a cone of fire breath - his own breath, not from the potion - and incinerated half of the hapless twig blights, who were all unable to dodge since they were asleep. Just like that, the enemy forces were destroyed with little trouble.
"This isn't even a challenge!" exclaimed ratNAROk as he slayed the last of the kindling. "When is this dungeon going to throw something more challenging at us?"
5 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
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Having bested the twig blights, the party looked around and checked their options.
"There's a door here," said Zumies, "but it seems to be protected with a magical lock."
"There's an inscription here in draconic," said Sergei. "'Rebuke the dead, open the way.' What could that mean?"
"We may have to come back here later. I wonder what's down that hallway?"
"Let's find out," said Space Pants. "HELLO, ANYBODY THERE?" he shouts down the hall.
Sure enough, his call was answered - by swarms of rats!
(https://i.postimg.cc/t4pzgLK9/12-swarm.png)
"I'm gonna go get a soft pretzel," said Alefgard.
"Oh, get cheese on mine!" quipped Edward.
"I'm, uh, not actually going to get a pretzel. I'm going to run away. I was trying to save face."
Bubb extended his hand and cast Inflict Wounds on the first swarm. Necrotic energy rotted the rats where they stood, wiping out a section of the horde entirely.
"Mmm... That smells delightful." Bubb spread its arms and fell face-first into the pile of rotting rat corpses he'd created. The flies that had been following him grow numerous and excited as they feast upon the smorgasbord of rat remains now covering Bubb head to toe.
"What does that metal man think he's doing??" said ratNAROk.
"Who cares," said Edward, "there's so many more of them!"
The party held their ground against the swarms, but they were many. Even the flies around Bubb pitched in, gnawing and biting at the rats as they swarmed over his metal body. As the party made progress towards slaying one, the rats merged together to stay in bigger groups. Slowly, methodically, the party started to wear them down.
"This is taking too long," said Space Pants. "Time for a power-up."
Space Pants reached into his stash - not the usual cat nip, but the good stuff. The Kuba strain was known for its relaxing effects, easing the mind to think more clearly when it came to using magic. This catnip would give him an extra sorceror point to spend for the next hour. That is... if it hadn't been tampered with.
Space Pants's eyes dilated, as Zumies grinned a wicked smile. "Oh, did you find the powdered mushrooms I snuck into your catnip? That'll teach you not to pick on me for being half-elf!"
"You son of an elf!" Space Pants was about to raise his crossbow in Zumies's direction, but then, he spotted something down the hall.
A fairy, from out of nowhere, appeared to Space Pants, beckoning for him to follow. "Come here! Come here, kitty! Come on, over here!"
"Well who am I to refuse?" Without a second though, Space Pants took off down the hall after the fairy.
"What is he doing?" said Alefgard. "Space Pants, there's nothing there!"
"Yeah yeah, in a minute, I gotta go see something."
(https://i.postimg.cc/zDLs8gNq/13-fairy.png)
"Aw, frick."
On the other half of a pit trap that was lying open, a platoon of skeletons drew their bows and opened fire. Space Pants made like a pincushion and fell to a hail of arrows from the skeletons lying in wait up ahead.
"Hang on, buddy!" Alefgard, finding courage in the face of danger, rushed off down the hall to give Space Pants a healing potion - but he, too, was shot down!
"Oi, this is looking bad." Sergei ran ahead, holding his shield up to block arrows on the way, and then grabbed and dragged both of them to safety.
"Well, you guys have this under control," said Zumies. "Wonder what's behind this door?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/pybYt7H5/14-zumdoor.png)
More arrows, it turned out, were waiting behind that door, fired by the goblins who had been prepared since they first heard combat taking place just outside their barracks. Zumies was hurt badly, but somehow stayed on his feet.
"What are you doing?!" ratNAROk cried, "We're not done with the fight we're in yet! Now you've gone and picked another!"
"No, no, no, no, no!" Meepo yelled and stomped his feet. "My friends can't die now, they have to find Meepo's dragon!" Meepo ran down the hall, touching every party member as he goes by, as he used Balm of Peace to restore the party's health.
The goblins rushed out of the room to face the party. ratNAROk and Zumies pushed them back, eventually felling them all.
"Quick, in here, before those skeletons come after us!" Edward ushered everybody into the goblins' barracks. Once inside, he slammed the door shut.
The room contained a campfire, some hide sleeping mats, and an assortment of dented pots and pans and broken weapons. The party listened at both doors in the room - the coast seemed to be clear for now.
"Phew... That got hairier than it needed to," said Sergei. "Let us rest and heal our wounds."
Space Pants, having been healed, sat down to rest - but then saw the fairy at the door. "Come here!" it beckoned again.
"Well, if I haven't learned my lesson yet, I have no plans of doing so any time soon!" Space Pants took off after the hallucinatory fairy.
"Not again!" said ratNAROk.
This time, the fairy lead Space Pants south, to the room with the bushes they had come from.
"Check this out!" The fairy settled on one of the inert shrubs. "Look at it! Check out this bush!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/s2M2z2Dq/15-fairyfire.png)
Space Pants used his torch to set fire to the shrubs. The dried wood went up in flame in an instant.
"Yeah," the fairy cheered, "Fire! Burn it all! Burn it all to the ground! Yeah, fire! Yeah!"
"Space Pants," Sergei came out, "you done? We're settling in for a rest!"
The room quickly filled with smoke, choking Space Pants. "Yeah, alright, that's enough of that."
5 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
Taking stock of their last encounter, the party decided to hole up in the goblins' barracks and take a long rest. Knowing that they were still within goblin territory, they set up three shifts for two people each to keep watch. Zumies, who, being half-elf, only needed four hours of meditation, was able to stay up for two.
The first watch went by uneventfully. During the second, Bubb and Zumies heard something from behind the north door: clacka-thwip! clacka-thwip!
Zumies put his ear to the door. "It sounds like... crossbows shooting at a target?"
"One moment," said Bubb. His body went inert, and the flies around him spread out, as if agitated somehow.
(https://i.postimg.cc/sg2XRZ7Y/16-flyscout.png)
"You are correct, there are two goblins shooting at a practice target. Two more are watching them, and another two are watching this door. Oh, and there are caltrops"
"How... do you know all of that?"
The only response from Bubb was the buzzing of the flies over his head.
The goblins stopped shooting, and there were sounds of concerned conversation, but nothing that Bubb or Zumies could make out. A short time later, the sounds of crossbows firing on straw targets picked up again. The rest of the second watch, as well as the third, proceeded like this, without any direct interruption to the party's rest.
6 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
Rested and healed, the party prepared to assault the goblins on the other side of the door. Sergei was first, pushing the door open with his shield raised, ready for the retaliation of the goblins standing watch. He proceeded slowly over the caltrops as the goblins tried to ambush him from behind a low mortared wall, but Sergei blocked their attacks effortlessly. ratNAROk followed close behind, followed by Edward - soon, and with little effort, they breached the low wall and dispatched the goblins.
Two more goblins made their way towards them through the narrow passage into the target room. Zumies was ready.
(https://i.postimg.cc/153nTGgr/17-gobassault.png)
"Watch your step!" Zumies unloaded a bag of ball bearings down the hall, causing the goblins to slip and fall. Zumies dispatched the prone assailants easily.
Alefgard attempted to cast Firebolt, but misspoke the incantation. Surprisingly, the error caused the spell to be more effective - the bolt bounced off of one goblin and into the next, felling both. The remaining two goblins were soon finished, and the room was cleared.
The door to the south-west was locked, but they found the keys to the room on one of the freshly slain goblins.
(https://i.postimg.cc/3rB0nSww/18-erky.png)
Chained to the floor in manacles were two kobolds, one of whom looked as big as an elite. In the back corner was an iron cage, too small for the gnome inhabiting it.
Meepo looked over the two kobolds, both of whom he knew. The first never gave him any trouble, but the larger one had bullied Meepo over food several times in the past.
"Hmph." Meepo used the key to unlock the first, but left the larger one. He went over to free the gnome instead.
"Hey, Meepo, c'mon man," the kobold plead, "you gotta let me out! You aren't still sore over the rat meat, are ya? That was just a joke!"
"Thank you for freeing me," said the gnome, cracking his neck as he stood up from the cage and straightened his body. "My name is Erky Timbers. I'm a cleric-in-training. I was caught by goblin bandits on the Old Road - were it not for the gifts of my deity, I would have surely starved or succumbed to their abuse!"
"So you're a healer?" asked Space Pants.
"Err... not yet. I'm getting there!"
"Then what good are ya?"
"...Well, I can turn the undead, otherwise, like I said, I'm still working on it."
"Turn the undead...?" Bubb said, curious. "Hm... Didn't we see a door earlier that said something to that effect?"
"We'll have to go back later," said Edward. "For now, let's see if we can find that dragon."
6 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
"So, Erky," began Edward, "what do you know of this Belak guy?"
"Ah, Belak. The goblins revere him. Though he doesn't lead their clan, they apparently still do what he says. Some kind of spellcaster, I think... He tends the Twilight Grove below, and harvests the fruit of the Gulthias Tree to give to the goblins to sell on the surface. Why, I couldn't tell you."
"What's so special about these apples?" asks Alefgard.
"The apple that grows in midsummer is a rich red color, and restores the health and vigor of those who eat it. In midwinter, a pale, white apple grows instead, which steals the same."
"Do you know anything about the lost adventurers?" says ratNAROk.
"Yeah, there were three adventurers locked up in here with me about a month ago. Talgen, Sharwyn and... Sir Braford, those were their names. They were only here a week - Belak had them brought to him, and I haven't seen them since."
"Then we should get moving," said Sergei. "Who knows what must have become of them in such time."
"What should we do with your buddies, Meepo?" Zumies asked.
Meepo considered, looking the two kobold prisoners over. "You can go," Meepo said to the smaller one. "You," he said, pointing at the one who had bullied him, "you stay."
"Stay... what you mean, you want me come with you?"
Meepo snorted and walked out of the room. Space Pants sneered, "Looks like you get to be fodder."
"Ack - I not fodder, I going to be elite one day!"
Meepo stuck his head back in the room. "Then you help Meepo find Calcryx. Yusdrayl will reward you for sure. Now quit stalling!"
The party checked the room to the northwest of the target practice room. Inside was a stockpile of various arms, armor, and foodstuffs.
(https://i.postimg.cc/PrVpkCYs/19-stocks.png)
"Hm, what have we here?" Sergei said as he pulled a whetstone from the pile. "This could come in handy."
"Let's not take that far door yet," said Zumies. "I don't want to leave anything behind. Let's see where this north door goes."
The party moved north. The door opened into a nondescript hallway, with walls of crumbling mortar.
Zumies put an ear to the door on the north side of the hall. "Shh! I hear goblins talking..."
Ker-plat! Space Pants and Bubb moved toward the west door, but fell into a pit trap! A ten-foot fall, neither were hurt badly, but the sound attracted the attention of the goblins!
(https://i.postimg.cc/4dp9K15Y/20-gobtrap.png)
Space Pants climbed out of the hole, and cast an illusion of a fire burning in the doorway before slamming it shut. Sounds of a panic and scuffle could be heard within, followed by confused grunts and snarls. The party waited for the goblins to open the door - and as soon as they did, ratNAROk, Edward, Zumies, and Sergei were prepared to strike at the first enemy they saw. The goblins had thrown their sleeping mats over the illusory fire to put it out, but the false flames clipped through the mats without interruption.
"YAAAAA!" ratNAROk leapt over Sergei and barreled into the room. "...Oh, crap!" He wasn't expecting to see quite so many in there.
"Don't worry, we've got you covered!" Edward pushed his way into the room to start slaying.
"Here you go," said Zumies, as he dropped a rope down to Bubb, before rushing into the fray himself.
"Uh..." Bubb pulled on the rope, only to have it fall inside the pit with it. "You didn't tie this to anything! ...Fear not, I got this." Bubb, still trapped in the hole, closed its eyes. The flies start moving about the battlefield. Somehow, even from within the pit, Bubb's able to cast Toll the Dead on the goblins in the room.
The goblins were bested, but not without a few scrapes and bruises.
"Erky," said Space Pants, "Heal me."
"Uh, like I said, I don't know how to do that yet! I'm still in training."
(https://i.postimg.cc/nLj7xx9Y/21-threat.png)
Space Pants pulls out a dagger. "I wasn't asking you. I was telling you. Heal me."
Erky was taken aback "You're-- you're kidding with that, right??"
"Do I look like I'm kidding?"
Shaking, Erky did his best to summon what energy he could from his deity. Under pressure, he managed to heal Space Pants a small amount.
"Now do him," Space pants pointed his dagger at ratNAROk.
"I-- I only have so much energy--"
"Now."
Reluctantly, Erky tried again. This time, he was able to correctly cast Cure Wounds, but to minimal effect. "C'mon, man, I'm doing my best here. Put that away, will ya?"
The soon-to-be-elite kobold leaned over to Meepo and said, "Boy, your new friends sure are rough!"
"What did you say about my friends?!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/jjpfd1zV/22-kobonkob.png)
Meepo grabbed the bully by the neck and shoved him against a wall! The hapless kobold tried to fight back, but was unable to push back against Meepo's surprising strength. Meepo strangled him until he fell unconscious.
"Don't. Talk. Bad. About. Meepo's. Friends!" Meepo let go once the kobold stopped moving. Meepo prodded him with his foot, but the bully didn't respond. The kobold had died due to suffocation.
"Who had 'kobold on kobold violence' on their Bingo cards?" Alefgard quipped.
Zumies ignored teh scuffle and put his ear to the next door. Behind it, he could hear a large beast shuffling things around the floor. "Hey guys, we're supposed to be looking for a dragon, right? I think we found it!"
Zumies picked the lock and entered the room. On the walls were various trophies of unimpressive specimens, such as rats, cows, and a few kobold heads. The furniture in the room had all been turned over or destroyed. The dragon was not immediately visible, but a broken table in the middle of the room appeared to be the only hiding place.
(https://i.postimg.cc/SR9R1LRW/23-calcryx.png)
"Calcryx?" Meepo entered cautiously.
From behind the table, the white dragon wyrmling raised her head and hissed. Calcryx had gathered all the valuables in the room into a pile behind the table, claiming it as her lair. The dragon was too young yet to speak, but could understand draconic.
"There, there, attah girl." Meepo reached his hand out toward the dragon. "We go home now--"
Without warning, Calcryx unleased her ice breath! Meepo and Alefgard both dropped to the floor, succumbing to the cold.
The party moved swiftly to their defense. Bubb cast a healing spell on Meepo, and Edward gave one of his healing potions to Alefgard. Zumies snuck behind the dragon and stabbed it in the back, dealing considerable damage - the dragon whirled around and hissed at him, preparing to strike back.
Meepo, awakened by the healing magic, quickly got to his feet and pounced on Calcryx (nat 20!)
"Down, Calcryx! Calm down!" Meepo did his best to handle the raging beast (nat 20 again!!)
Calcryx thrashed and kicked, and, while doing so, knocked over a green jade carving of a dragon that was in her pile. The dragon stared at the carving - it was one of the many figurines Meepo himself had carved to appease the dragon. The carving reminded Calcryx of Meepo's care. At length, she relaxed and calmed down.
"Is it... is it over?" Edward reluctantly lowered his rapier.
Meepo sat with Calcryx, stroking her head and whispering reassurances in draconic to her. "We go now." Meepo tried to get Calcryx to come with him, but she spread out over her hoard and hissed again. "Uh... she not leaving without her stash. We take treasure with us - but it hers!"
The pile of valuables mostly consisted of +chalk flutes+ and -chalk mugs-, but among them were two precious treasures. One was a gunmetal colored ring, and the other an exquisitely made Olivine idol. All craftsmanship is of the highest quality. It is encrusted with magnetite. On the item is an image of an incredibly valuable buckler of adamantine - some other artifact, presumably - in olivine. On the item is an image of horses in magnetite. On the item is an image of a cave lobster in turtle shell.
"Great!" said Edward. "Now let's get this dragon back to Yusdrayl and claim our reward!"
"Hold up," said ratNAROk. "Erky, do you know anything about a door that says 'Rebuke the dead, open the way?'"
"Uh- uhm... Rebuke the dead? You mean, like, turn them? I can do that," he said, side-eyeing Space Pants.
"Great! Let's head back to that door then and see if we can get it open."
The party backtracked to the door they saw earlier with the magical lock and inscription. Erky, not wanting to raise the felis's ire any more, obliged in invoking Turn Undead on the door. The door glowed white, then faded away, opening into a crypt with ten sarcophogi and a table at the end of the room. On the table was a candle with a blue flame and a crystal whistle.
"Let us be wary not to disturb the dead," said Sergei.
"Like this?" Space Pants urinated on one of the coffins.
Immediately in response to the desecration of their resting place, all ten sarcophogi opened up, revealing a platoon of skeletons!
(https://i.postimg.cc/SKQdMdN1/24-crypt.png)
Bubb wasted no time. "Turn!" Brandishing its holy symbol, the mechanical being struck fear into the skeletons, causing them to run towards the back of the room rather than fight!
As the party moved to take on the skeletons, Calcryx gets herself into the fray, chomping at the living piles of bones. Even Erky, who felt the need to save face, got into the fray with a scimitar he picked off the corpse of a goblin, but whiffed every attack.
"Aw yeah, now we're talking!" ratNAROk leapt onto Calcryx's back, but the dragon bucked him off. He landed gracefully next to her and turned on the skeleton behind him.
With the skeletons turned, they were dispatched with little trouble. The battle won, Space Pants walked over to the table.
"Gee, I wonder what this does." Space Pants blew the whistle before anybody could stop him.
6 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
The party backtracked to the start of the dungeon, to the tower they had first entered. They had never explored the southern door, but that was where Yusdrayl had said to take the key. As they passed, Erky spotted sunlight coming through the way out.
"Don't get any ideas," Space Pants said to Erky, pointing his crossbow at the gnome. "You stay right here."
"I-- I wasn't--"
Edward stuck his foot out and tripped Erky.
"Erky is definitely getting his books dumped," quipped Alefgard, "and a wedgie. Erky? More like 'Jerky.'"
"Jerky Erky," repeated Edward. "Hey everyone, call him Jerky Erky now, pass it on." Edward laughed. Erky cringed.
As they headed towards the southern door, Zumies stopped and looked at the rubble he had checked earlier when they had first arrived. Something bothered him - he knew he had missed something. Zumies took some time to search more carefully - and this time, he noticed the scratch marks in the floor, where the stones had clearly been pushed aside by something.
"I knew it," said Zumies. "There's a door here!" The rogue felt around the wall, eventually finding a brick that was not actually connected to the mortar around it. The brick, it turned out, was a lever, which could either be pushed in from the right, or pulled out from the left. "Ah-ha!" Zumies pushed in the brick from the right, opening a secret door... and revealing the skeletons of three archers, trapped inside when the citadel sunk into the ground!
(https://i.postimg.cc/bvWMMPLx/26-secretarchers.png)
The party dispatched the skeletons quickly. Unfortunately, after repeated searches, nobody was able to find anything of value on the skeletons or in their chamber.
"Do you think we should stop and rest before we continue?" said ratNAROk. "We could take some time to identify those items we got."
"Yeah, including this," said Zumies, as he held out the ring he had pilfered from Calcryx's stash.
"Good idea," said Edward. "It'll take me ten minutes to perform the ritual."
The ring, it turned out, was a ring of dexterity. Zumies gladly kept the ring as it would help his stealth capabilities. In addition, from the crypt they had received a potion of fire resistance, and the whistle - it was a rare item, named Nightcaller. As Bubb correctly assessed, the whistle cast animate dead. The whistle granted control over an undead creature for 24 hours, but could be blown again to reassert control. After seven days, it can be blown again to control another undead minion, but only two can be commanded at a time.
Bubb opened its mouth. The flies swarmed out, bearing the olivine idol. As Edward performed the identification ritual, lore about the item - but more specifically, of the item engraved into it - rushed into his mind.
(https://i.postimg.cc/g28grWk2/31-idol.png)
"The Deified Furnace... that's right, I've heard of that. It's an adamantine buckler crafted at none other than Severedcoils, the home of our employers."
"Hey, has anyone seen Erky?" Alefgard looked around. Sure enough, the gnome acolyte was gone.
"That sonuva--" Space Pants hurried outside in time to see Erky scaling the cliff face they had come down. He was already halfway up the rope. Space Pants took aim with his crossbow, and fired a bolt with a noose tied to the end. The bolt missed. "Come back down," he shouted after the gnome, "we won't hurt you, we promise!"
"You just shot at me!" Erky made it to the top of the cliff. "Screw you guys, I'm telling everyone about you!" With that, Erky was gone.
"Cutter. After him. Bring him back. Dead or alive." Compelled to oblige, the skeleton walked out into the chasm in pursuit.
Moving through the southern door, the party found themselves inside a crumbling room. The wall to the south had completely caved in, but on the west wall, a door still stood in good repair, bearing the image of a rearing dragon carved into it.
Zumies inspected the rubble to the south, but only found a giant rat. The rat, seeing it is clearly outnumbered, merely huddles in the corner. "Food?" it says to ratNAROk.
"Ugh. You guys are a disgrace to our kind." ratNAROk begrudgingly gave it a piece of ration. As soon as the rat ate the food, a swarm of flies erupted from Bubb's metal frame, engulfing the rat, and left only a clean skeleton.
"Uh..." ratNAROk backed away. "Well then. Let's, uh, move on."
"This must be the door Yusdrayl meant," said Zumies. Sure enough, the key fit, and the door opened easily.
The door opened to an expansive room. The air is stale, having sat undisturbed for untold years. There were three alcoves in the northern wall, each with a pedestal holding a cracked crystal globe. A single alcove in the southern wall housed a similar crystal, this one unbroken and glowing with a soft blue light. There were faint tinkling notes coming from it.
"Hm, what is this contraption?" Sergei moved closer to inspect the globe. As he got close, brooding music filled the room. Most of the party is filled with an otherworldly sense of foreboding and dread.
"Let's get out of here!" Alefgard shouted, as he bolted out of the room. All but Meepo and Zumies follow with haste.
"Take that!" Meepo picked up the crystal ball and smashed it on the ground. The music stopped immediately. "Huh... I didn't think that would work!"
The next door lead them to a small chamber. Zumies went first - and stepped on a pressure plate, causing an arrow to shoot out of the wall at him! The arrow missed, and Zumies noted where the pressure plate was. The rest of the party avoided it and moved on to the next room.
This chamber was empty and without another passage through. The only thing present in the room was a ten-foot tall statue of a dragon, carved of red-veined marble.
Sergei moved close to the statue. As he did so, the mouth of the dragon appeared to move as it spoke a riddle:
"We come at night without being fetched,
we disappear by day without being stolen.
What are we?"
Meepo, Sergei, and Alefgard simultaneously answered, "Stars." As soon as the word left their lips, a secret door opened in the west wall.
"I was going to say 'shadows,'" said Bubb.
In the next room, tall statues of elven dragon priests lined the walls, three to each side. A trail of clawed footprints lead to the end of the chamber, an archway over a dark pit, and beyond which lied a room with a green light. Bubb looked in time to see a shadow moving in the far room. Space Pants peed on an elf statue.
"I got this!" Bubb ran straight for the pit, without bothering to jump, allowing its metal body to fall onto the spikes. Flies exploded out from the metal frame while it was airborne, flying over the gap and into the lit room. The flies came face-to-face with a quasit.
(https://i.postimg.cc/R0NyXh1C/29-quasit.png)
"Eyyaah! Intruders at last! You know, you could've just used the door!" The quasit peeked its head around the corner to get a look at the rest of the party. "Hey, wait a minute... your eyes are wrong. Lemme fix that for ya!"
The quasit raised its arms and cast a spell. For a moment, all went black. When the party could see again, they were all over the pit, and where once was empty space was now a collection of workshops - a jeweler's bench, a farmer's workshop, a loom, and a clothier's shop. A large tomb sat in the center of the room. The room with the dragonpriest statues was now filled with crates.
"Eyahaha! The pact is complete! I'm free!" The quasit turned invisible. Moments later, the party saw a bat flying away through the hall of statues.
"What the hell is this?" Zumies exclaimed. "It feels like I'm in the twilight zone!"
"Well, let's see what's in here." Sergei moved to undo the rusted iron latches on the sarcophagus. It was at least ten feet long, so the top required Sergei, Meepo, and ratNAROk working together to lift it off. A green flash sparked from inside the sarcophagus - when the light faded, the body of a troll was revealed!
(https://i.postimg.cc/GhJTdjB6/29-2-trollpriest.png)
The troll opened its eyes and sat up. Its flesh was sunken and withered. "Augh... who disturbs my rest? Wait a minute..." The troll reached down into the sarcophagus, found a potion, and drank it. Its muscles bulged as its strength returned. "Ahh... now that's what I call a monster energy drink!"
The entire party groaned at the horrible, awful, no-good joke. The troll stood and prepared to attack - but Alefgard was just a bit faster, and cast Hideous Laughter on the troll!
"Ha... Ha hah... Ha hah hah hah hah!!" The troll laughed uncontrollably, forgetting what it was doing. The party took the advantage and hammered the beast with blow after blow.
"Hit it with fire so it doesn't regenerate!" Meepo said.
The troll snarled and lashed out at Sergei, biting and clawing at him, almost bringing him down. Alas, the might of the party was too much for the troll - one more round of slaughter, and the beast was down. Sergei stood over the troll's body and breathed fire all over it, incinerating the remains to ensure it wouldn't get up again.
The party found a lot of loot in the troll's sarcophagus - an ornate sacrificial dagger, two silver rings, a silver amulet, a collection of spell scrolls - but most of all, an artifact-quality crossbow of black bronze.
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZqmVdMCF/32-crossbow.png)
The party raided the workshops for leftover gems and silks while Edward identified the artifact. As it turned out, it was a magical light crossbow, and the sapphire set on its crossbar could store a spell. Then, after a bolt was fired, the spell would be cast at the point of impact.
"This is a lot of great stuff!" said Zumies. "But, uh... how do we get back across the pit?"
6 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
Bubb looked down into the spike pit. Even though it remembered its metal frame falling into the pit, there was no trace of it there. That made sense, sort of, since it was looking down into the pit from the very frame it was looking for, but to see nothing - no scrap, no scrape, not even a screw - when it so clearly remembered seeing its body fall upon those spikes, was disconcerting to say the least.
"Didn't the quasit say something about a door?"
Zumies looked around. The southwest corner of the room was of yellow gypsum, but there was a section of white chalk that stood clearly out of place. As he pressed his hand on the wall, it pushed in, revealing a passage behind the panel.
(https://i.postimg.cc/VsrCszCM/33-sec-passage.png)
Down the dusty three-foot wide corridor, they find a small chamber with runes etched into the southern wall and a lever in the corner. Sergei pulled the lever. A similar panel in the north wall slid aside, revealing a passage into the statue room. The statue slid out and to the side, allowing passage.
"Let's not forget this," said Meepo, looking at the runes, written in draconic. "'A dragonpriest entombed alive for transgressions of the Law still retains the honor of his position.' Hmm... ah, yes! I recall the story! There was a dragonpriest who supposedly used magic to transform himself into a monster, seeking immortality. For his crime, he was entombed alive, surviving because of a Sequester spell. I thought it was a myth, but that explains the troll we just fought!"
The next room, where the talking statue was situated, revealed two more workshops they hadn't seen as they entered - a tanner's shop, and a leatherworking station. Space Pants searched around the leatherworks, but only found old scraps.
ratNAROk ducked his head as he went through the next door. "Careful, there was an arrow trap here, remember? But it was in its own hallway here before..."
Somehow, the small room with the arrow trap seemed to be missing. The door lead straight from the dragon statue to the room with the crystal orbs - which now contained a row of tables and chairs, a kitchen, and a still.
Edward checked the barrel in the still. It turned out it was still half-full of prickleberry wine! Considering these chambers hadn't been opened in at least a hundred years, the wine had finely aged, luckily avoiding contamination after so long. Edward filled his wineskin, and the rest of the party followed suite.
"You guys think we should rest here since we just fought that troll?" Edward said.
"Seems like a good idea. I'll take first watch," said Sergei. Edward stayed up with him.
Not long after the party had settled in, Sergei heard a sound. It sounded like something had clattered up to the door and stopped.
"Get up," the dragonborn woke the party. "We have company." He waited a bit, readied his weapon, and then opened the door.
(https://i.postimg.cc/141PsGNW/34-erkyreturn.png)
Cutter, the skeleton summoned from Night Caller the crystal whistle, stood at the door, carrying Erky Timbers by his collar. The gnome was breathing, but unconscious, with two slashes from the skeleton's scimitar across his torso.
"That is not who I think it is," Alefgard said with a smirk.
"Get him in here. I've got somethin' to say to him." Space Pants ushered the skeleton inside, bringing it and Erky to the leatherworking shop. Using leftover scraps, he tied Erky to a chair.
"I need some blood. Go find me a body part off of somethin' we killed," the cat demanded.
Bubb opened its maw, and the flies carried out of its mouth the severed foot of a goblin it had eaten earlier. Space Pants took the foot and rubbed the bloody stump all over Erky's face and body, and then put the severed foot in his hand. He dumped wine over the gnome, and took the last of Zumies' hallucinogenic mushrooms and stuffed them into his mouth.
"Goodbye horses," Alefgard hummed a tune to himself. He looked to Edward. "Should we supervise?"
"If we want Erky alive, that's probably a good idea."
Space Pants rapped a wooden stick on the table of the workbench. Erky woke up with a start. "Erky!" Space Pants shouted, "what did you do?! You killed them all! Oh my god-- look at you, you're covered in their blood! You absolute animal! What do you have to say for yourself?"
Erky looked around, drugged, delirious, and distressed. "Huh? Whassat? ...No, you shot at me! I got away, I got to the top of the rope... and then I took a break... and then your skeleton caught up to me!"
"No, we all saw it! You went crazy and killed a whole bunch of people! You're gonna need to tell the queen what you've done!"
"The queen?? N-- no, what, but I didn't--"
"We all saw you do it," said Edward.
"You think this is a game?" Alefgard chimed in.
Bubb, seeing that Erky had not yet been healed from his sword slashes, walked over to him and placed a hand over his wounds. A swarm of flies crawled through the cracks in its armor and swarmed over the wounds, climbing inside and eating away at dead tissue before healing him completely.
"Ah... Ah ha hah..." Erky had a far away look in his eye. He started looking around the ceiling, perhaps seeing something from the mushrooms, or perhaps trying desperately to hang on to his sanity as the flies feasted upon him helpfully. "I don't remember... any of that... How many did I...?"
"We lost count, it was so many!" Space Pants threw his paws into the air. "I don't know if I feel safe around you! Now, we need to get some sleep, but you'd better stay right here and not try anything funny, you hear?"
Erky stammered an incoherent response. To put icing on the cake, Space Pants cast Phantasmal Force to create an illusion in Erky's mind - the voice of none other than legendary bard Momuz Freeman, narrating Erky's every move and thought.
"Erky was in a fine pickle," the voice stated. "He looked to his left. He looked to his right. He looked for a corner to hide in."
"Gah! Don't tell them that part!" Erky shouted.
"What are you talking about?" Space Pants said, not able to hear the voice but knowing full well this was his foul play at work. "Now shaddup and go to bed. We need to figure out what to do with you, you murderer."
During the night, Edward had a strange dream. He dreamt of himself identifying Hoarywaddled the Growls of Infamy, the Olivine idol of Zokun, but more specifically the engraving upon it of The Deified Furnace, the adamantine buckler supposedly forged at Severedcoils. He saw a scene of dwarves pulling the buckler from a forge - a magnificent piece of expertly-worked blue metal - and a crowd of dwarves surrounding the forge in awe.
7 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
The next morning, Edward felt a weight in his bag. He opened it up and found a stone tablet, with etchings in dwarven. Recalling his dream, he got an idea and decided to perform the Identification ritual on it. The tablet turned out to be magical - it enabled one etching onto it to write in real time as they went about their business, including the ability to write without looking at the tablet and to write fast enough to capture a conversation as it took place. Additionally, the tablet reacted to the Identification magic and translated itself to common for him:
9th Hematite, 207, Early Summer
-------------
Exactly one month since the beginning of Zulban's mood, he begins his construction. By now, most of the fort's denizens have heard of this ambitious project. Many of the children venture down to the magma forge to watch Zulban's work, everyone guessing at what he will eventually create.
Sibrek Kuletnitig, 'Abbeybites,' has a new demand... wait a minute, isn't that the Hammerer?! Apparently she wants a clear glass window in her bedroom... well, what the heck is a window without anything to look at? I think I know what a Hammerer would like to look at behind glass.
The human caravan from Pesor Siti is on its way, chasing some wild wolves away in their wake. I have some questions for Bujit when we get a chance to speak... well, okay, that would be after Mayor/Broker Asob has a chance to speak with him.
On 14th Hematite, a roar of cheers erupts from the magma forge. Could it be?
"Zon!" 'Barduk' the marksdwarf nearly tripped over a cave lizard on his way to fetch me. "Zulban's completed his masterpiece! It's... it's... it's amazing! You've got to come look, right now!"
I push my way through the growing crowd that's rushing down the stairs to gaze upon Zulban's latest work.
"Zon!" It's Asob, this time. "Zon, I can't see! Is it plate mail? Please tell me it's plate mail! He used three pieces, it has to be!"
"Don't get your hopes up, Asob! For all you know, it could be a boot!"
Zulban holds up his artifact for all to see. Oh! It... wow!
There's a thud nearby. I look... Asob has fainted. 'Tirin' picks her up and fans her face until she wakes up. She looks up at the artifact again, and her eyes practically bug right out of her head.
"That... that thing... oh my... carry the 1, times... um... UM..."
"Asob, what are you going on about?"
"That thing... it's easily worth... nearly 1.5 million dwarfbucks!!!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/sDGvb4Hk/deifurnace1.jpg)
"Whaaat?! No way!"
I push past the crowd to get a better look at the item.
(https://i.postimg.cc/cLqrWtVr/deifurnace2.jpg)
As I look upon it, I feel both elated and heartbroken. It's worth so much, and yet... it could have been worth much, much more. If only we had a spare yellow diamond lying around, or we had an obsidian stockpile closer to the forges... if only more pieces could have gone into it! I'm extremely disappointed that it didn't become plate mail... for that matter, I'm not even sure if the fact that it's adamantine makes it a better buckler. I suppose I shouldn't have hyped it so much... it's still a really, really nice buckler.
(https://i.postimg.cc/J0vtGs0Y/stats.jpg)
Our created wealth also jumps thirty percent in one shot. How do you like that?
'Archibold' is already carrying Troubledcalm, the legendary grizzly bear leather buckler, so the next appropriate champion gets it - 'Other Grendus' graciously accepts the adamantine buckler. Let's hope she doesn't lose it!
Finding it odd, the bard stashed the tablet for later consideration. After they had packed up and prepared to venture out, they decided to visit Yusdrayl to report their findings.
"Ah! The adventurers." Yusdrayl sat on her throne of broken mortar as always. "Did you find anything for me?"
"Yeah, we got this." Space Pants handed over the sacrificial dagger they had recovered from the dragonpriest.
"Ah! Yah ha ha!" Yusdrayl took the dagger, stood on her chair and hopped from one foot to the other as she waved it around merrily. "This is perfect! Exactly what I was looking for! Where did you find it?"
"We found it on the corpse of the dragonpriest we killed."
Yusdrayl stopped. She stared down at Space Pants, narrowing her eyes while clutching the dagger tighter. "You what-- wait. You met a dragonpriest? ...And you killed him??"
"He was already corrupted," Space Pants went on coolly, ignoring the kobold's aggression. "Dude turned himself into a troll. We found an inscription on the wall, said something about him being entombed alive for his transgressions, or whatever."
"Oh-- oh!" Yusdrayl reacted with surprise. "You met him! I thought that was just a story... Well, good, then. A smear on dragon history, that one!" With that, Yusdrayl ducked behind her throne, and pulled out a collection of trinkets - a feather token with a charm of a tree on it, three spell scrolls, and a flask that appears to contain three doses of some type of elixir. "Here - if you still intend to kill the goblins for us, take these! They'll surely help you clear their den and return this holy site to dragonkind!" Handing the items over, Yusdrayl snapped her claws at the guard standing near the door to the north. "You - open the larders! We shall celebrate with a feast!"
The kobold near the door obliged - and was immediately punctured by three arrows coming through the door! Just after, two hobgoblins came barreling through the door, bellowing with fury, with a squad of goblins close behind in the room beyond.
(https://i.postimg.cc/rsrcBnz0/35-gobattack.png)
Sergei was already close at hand and stopped their approach, holding up his shield to block the next wave of arrows aimed in his direction. Space Pants ordered Cutter to attack, and the skeleton waded in, cutting a slice out of the first hobgoblin's arm. Yusdrayl cast Chromatic Sphere at another, attempting to douse it in acid, but missing. Erky, too, stepped in, finding a bit more strength within himself than he had before, and cast Sacred Flame, scorching one with a bit of radiant energy. Bubb ran up to the nearest goblin and cast Cause Wounds, hitting it with so much necrotic energy that the goblin simply melted into a pile of rot. The two goblins behind it were sickened and terrified of the sight and tried to get away. Zumies snuck in some hits from around the pillar, but the structure of the hallway made it difficult for others to get near the fight, especially as other kobolds stormed in to defend.
As soon as it had started, the goblins were dispatched - all but one archer, who managed to escape through a rough, cave-like exit on the far wall of the store room.
"Those filthy goblins!" Yusdrayl stamped her foot. "They've gone too far! The sooner they're all dead, the better! You can use the path over there to strike at them directly - but mind the pit trap on the other side of that door."
"Or, we could go around the back way again and finish exploring the areas we missed," ratNAROk said. "It stands to reason we've already cleared out some of their defenses there."
"Yes, but we rested a night," said Sergei. "They've had time to reinforce. Let us not be too hasty, and take our time to decide."
7 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
"Well, which way should we go?" ratNAROk was anxious for more slaying.
"Let's see if we can find where they came from." Zumies ventured deeper into the room where the goblins and hobgoblins had come out of. There appeared to be three rooms connected, all full of barrels and crates stuffed with foul-smelling food - half-rotting rat and cow carcasses and mushrooms picked from deep within a cave suggested the feast that was promised might not have been too appetizing.
In the back of the west room, an opening in the wall lead into a rough cave system. It was through here that the goblin archer had escaped. Scanning the ground, Zumies found the start of the goblin's trail - a few scuff marks through the mud - but the path soon turned to bare stone, and split off into three different paths. It was impossible to know which way the goblin had gone from here.
Yusdrayl grew impatient. "What are you doing? There's nothing down there, those are our hunting grounds. You're wasting time, you can get to the goblins either through the back way where you went before, or through that door over to the east of this chamber!"
"Oh, really?" Space Pants cast Detect Thoughts, scanning Yusdrayl's surface thoughts to see if she was hiding anything. "I'm so close to owning the Citadel!" her thoughts began. "These guys might actually clean out the goblins, leaving the place for us to dominate! But if they get lost... I don't know how the goblins got to us through those caves, but I know there's big nasties in there. They'll slip up, get killed, and then I'll lose my shot at taking over!"
Space Pants called out into the cave, "Keep going, Zumies, you're almost there!"
By now, Zumies had caught on to the troublesome cat's disposition - particularly towards his half-elven nature - and realized that if the cat says to keep going, it's time to turn back. As he was returning, a fly flit by his head, glowing with a Light spell, and flew off down one of the paths to explore.
"So we just go through this door, yeah?" ratNAROk pointed at the door in the northeast. "Do we need that key we found on the troll?"
Yusdrayl cocked her head. "My guard will let you through. Wait, what key? Show me."
Reluctantly, Zumies withdrew the key with the roaring dragon's head and outstretched wings. Yusdrayl's eyes turned wide. "I don't believe it... that's a Noble's key! The nobility of the dragon priests had their quarters on a floor that is guarded with a magic lock. During the calamity that brought the citadel beneath the earth, the nobility of the dragon priests cordoned themselves off and barricaded themselves in an attempt to escape the calamity. I know not where the door is, it must be on the goblin's side... but only those of high rank had those keys. Chances are, whatever's behind that door hasn't been seen or disturbed in over a hundred years. First dibs on whatever treasure awaits... but who knows what else is in there?"
"Alright, I'm goin' then," ratNAROk said. He opened the door to the northeast of the corridor, leading to a small room. "Meepo, there's a trap in here, yeah? Where is it?"
"Oh!" the kobold replied, "The first step is safe. Next step, pit trap - like the others, there's a two-foot wide catwalk down the middle you can cross safely."
ratNAROk crossed the trap, and opened the door on the other side. "Ah- more bushes, piled up in front of the next door!"
"Gee, that's not suspicious," said Bubb.
Without hesitation, ratNAROk walked up and stabbed one of the bushes. It recoiled and thrashed about, causing the four other bushes around it to stir. As suspected, they were twig blights!
Sergei and Edward moved in to strike down the blights. Space Pants lit a torch, handed it to Cutter, and ordered him to attack. The skeleton obliged, setting a twig blight alight and reducing it to kindling.
Erky came in behind the party and saw the melee. All that had transpired for him over the past day - his predicament being caught stuck with these dangerous hooligans, his futile attempt at escape - had weighed on him during their last rest. He questioned his purpose, the path that Thrathdad the Morals of Authority had placed him on. All he knew was that in order to survive, he would need to adapt.
Erky locked eyes with the first goblin he saw. He raised his holy symbol, and recited an incantation with more fervor than ever before. The goblin was caught completely unaware and at the mercy of Sacred Flame, totally failing his attempt to resist, and Erky drew deeper than ever into the divine for critical damage. The goblin was completely engulfed in white flame, turning to ash in seconds.
The party stopped to look at the gnome. His jaw set squarely, he said only two words: "Erky... Berserky."
"Yes, good!" Space Pants urged, an evil smile playing on his lips. "Let the hate flow through you."
Alerted by the sound of combat, the door on the west wall opened, revealing a squad of goblins lead by a few hobgoblins. One of the hobgoblins pointed and shouted in goblin, "Attack!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/3NhpD2tn/39-gobfront.png)
Space Pants shouted back in goblin, "Bring it on, you ugly animal!"
"I'll grind you into a paste and chew you up!" said the hobgoblin.
"Yeah? Good luck catching us."
Edward called out, "Alefgard, now!" He cast Sleep on the goblins, clustered up on the other side of the door, and knocked three of them unconscious. Alefgard followed up with an Ice Knife into the center of the group, the sleeping goblins taking the full brunt of the ice shards exploding from the bolt. Most of the troops fell from that attack, but the hobgoblins remained.
"Hyaah!!" ratNAROk raged in, his fur glowing a brilliant gold as divine energy radiated through him, and one of the hobgoblins fell before him. However, the other two took advantage, getting on either side and flanking him. They were able to put him off balance such that when one of them landed a hit with its longsword, the blade cut deeper, almost felling the mousefolk. Thankfully, the second missed, even with its advantage.
Bubb's metal body went motionless as the whole swarm of flies came out and landed upon one of the goblins, gnawing and feasting on its flesh, while Sergei held the front line. With another push, the party overran the remaining hobgoblins, putting the fight to rest.
Searching the bodies, Zumies made an incredibly lucky find - one of the hobgoblins was wearing a horn on its belt, an oxen horn of exceptional quality. Edward also spotted a few platinum coins at the bottom of a well in the room.
As Edward took some time to Identify the horn, Space Pants climbed down into the well. The well was not very deep, but it was fed by an underground river. It appeared the well was built into an eddy around a bend, so water flowed freely in and out of the channel that fed the well. Space Pants fired a crossbow bolt with a rope tied to it, and stuck it to the ceiling to keep himself tethered. There was a current that threatened to pull him under, but Space Pants had no trouble swimming to the bottom and obtaining three platinum coins.
The horn, it turned out, was a Horn of Silent Alarm - a horn that, when blown, can only be heard by a single target. Unsure what to do with it for now, they pocketed the device. They still had a few items given to them by Yusdrayl that had not yet been identified - some scrolls, the feather token, and a potion - but those would take additional time, and the party was eager to get moving. Oddly, as the party left, Bubb did not return to its metal frame, instead flying free as a swarm.
The next room featured a double row of marble columns, with entwined dragons carved into them. Torches along the walls burned and filled the room with a haze. There were many doors in this hall, including one of olivine to the west, and one of obsidian in the center north. The obsidian door bore a mark of a dragon with its mouth open and wings outstretched over the handle.
"Hey, that looks like the key we found on the troll. Let's see if it fits." Zumies tried the key - the lock clicked, and the door swung open. Behind it was a dusty stairway leading down. A chilling, haunting hiss echoed up the stairs.
"Creepy," said Meepo.
"Well, are we going down?" asked Zumies.
"I'd kinda like to check these other doors first," said ratNAROk. "Let's see what's behind these others first."
ratNAROk opened the door to the left of the stairway, revealing a hallway full of giant rats.
(https://i.postimg.cc/s2HyYcfK/36-hazehall.png)
Bubb immediately flew in and set upon the nearest rat, picking away at its flesh. The other rats backed away in terror. ratNAROk followed close behind, and listened to what the rats were saying. "Feast? Feast?" some were squeaking, while others, "Fear! Fear!"
ratNAROk addressed them in squeakspeak. "You want a feast? Try eating goblin! Plenty of them to go around."
The rats looked at each other, and squeaked in appeasement. "Feast! Feast! The goblins shall be our feast!"
The rats ran off down the hallway. ratNAROk followed a short way, and found that the rats were piling up against another door of olivine at the end of the hall.
"Look at that," said Sergei. "They think goblins are food, and they think there's food in there... which means, there must be goblins in there!"
"Oh yeah? I've got an answer for that!" Overnight, Zumies had figured out the secrets of magic, adding an arcane layer to his subterfuge. He cast Mage Hand, and used it to reach out over the rats and open the door.
The rats poured into the room. Shrieks and cries from goblins - including women and children - bounced off the walls down the hall. The hungry rats set upon the goblins in seconds, tearing into them in a furry feeding frenzy.
"Watch this room be like the goblin elementary school or something awful," Bubb said with concern.
"I hope so!" said Meepo.
"Uh oh," said Sergei, "I think we found their home. Do we really want to kill commoners?"
Without waiting for a reply, Zumies walked up to the nearest goblin - who was unarmed and trembling - and stuck his rapier through its chest.
"Well, that answers that," said Edward. "The only good goblin's a dead goblin!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/PxBjc5ww/37-gobtown.png)
Most of the goblins were running away, out a door to the east which lead into the hazy double-columned room they were in before. About a dozen more came forward to defend with swords and bows, but had to contend with the rats first before reaching the party. During the commotion, a goblin stepped out of the round room in the northwest corner - a shaman, by her looks. She carried a staff with a skull on top and wore a crown of antlers. Seeing the carnage, she slammed the door shut, and could be heard screaming, "Durnn, we're under attack! Help us!"
"Durnn..." Meepo perked up. "The chieftain of the Durbuluk tribe! We're taking him on head-on!"
"Tell him to come on out, I've got something for him!" Alefard pulled out a sack, and withdrew a ball of fur from it. He through the ball into the room and it transformed into an axebeak - a large bird with a powerful beak, hence the name - and immediately started pecking its way through the goblin horde.
"Erky... Berserky... Erky... Berserky... Erky!!... Berserky!! Rraghablarghablarghablah!!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/5yqnvH2B/herof-erky.jpg)
Erky smashed his fists against his skull and let out a crazed howl. In a full blown rage, he ran into the fray, disregarding his deity and his own safety in favor of lashing out recklessly with his scimitar.
Space Pants grinned as he saw the opportunity for mischief. He turned to Edward the bard and said, "Look away, you're not gonna want to sing about this part." He then ventured back, to where he saw the goblin commoners running out.
(https://i.postimg.cc/0Q6vcwbv/38-badkitty.png)
"Hey!" Space Pants called out, while simultaneously casting Charm on the goblin in the lead. "There's a way out under the well! That's how I got here. You guys should go jump into that well and swim out of here!"
The goblin paused only briefly to consider what Space Pants had said, but in its panic, it didn't seem able to focus on the words. The spell having failed, Space Pants yawned. "Lame. Alright, Cutter, do your thing."
Wordlessly, the skeleton complied, cutting down the goblin commoner in the lead. The others behind screamed, but with nowhere else to go, continued stampeding through the hall. The battle raged on inside the goblin's home, while Space Pants thought of another way to toy with those escaping.
7 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
Tasting fresh blood and craving more, the giant rats tore into the front line of the goblins fearlessly, convinced by the rat-who-walks that goblins were food. Inspired by ratNAROk's presence, they fought tooth and claw to take down their prey and feast. The rats brought down a few goblins on their own, including a couple of unlucky commoners, and continued feasting on their corpses as the battle raged on around them.
Panic ensued as the goblinfolk dwelling in the dank chamber swarmed to squeeze through the south-eastern door, where a malicious cat and his skeleton lie in wait. As the goblins who had taken up arms struck back against the rats, a door in the south-west opened, through which another group of goblins rushed in to reinforce, launching arrows at Zumies, ratNAROk, and Alefgard's summoned axebeak.
"Oh no, I don't think so! G'night!" Edward struck a chord on his lute, targeting the cluster of goblin reinforcements. The weaker of the bunch - most of the archers - dozed off and fell asleep.
"Alley-oop!" Alefgard followed up with an Ice Knife to the sleeping pack of goblins, helpless to defend themselves against the shards of ice exploding out from the point of impact. All but two of the archers were killed outright.
During the commotion, Bubb saw something through its metal body, which he left dormant a few rooms back. A kobold, swathed in dark garb and wearing a black face covering, entered the room carrying a large, empty sack on its back. It spotted Bubb's frame, was taken aback, then cautiously stepped forward. Seeing it inert, the kobold turned its attention to Bubb's weapon, sizing it up.
(https://i.postimg.cc/tJCHg9Tp/42-kobold-rogue.png)
Immediately, the swarm of flies in the goblin's den stormed off towards its body, flying past and through the throng of panicking commoners. Maggots fell out of the empty eye sockets and mouth of the Warforged frame. An angry buzzing chanted the word "death, death, death" at the kobold. The kobold recoiled, and turned to see the swarm of flies behind it. Wisely, it put its hands up and backed away, leaving Bubb's weapon alone, and skulked off into the shadows.
(https://i.postimg.cc/T17vLBLm/41-spacepants-pressure.png)
In the hazy hallway, the commoners fell back against the south wall, trying to stay away from the skeleton and the feline while escaping towards the store room on the far end of the hall. A pair of goblins with swords took up the rear of the bunch, and moved in to engage Space Pants and Cutter. The cat nimbly dodged the scimitar of the goblin, but Cutter took a hit square on the chin, nearly destroying him.
"Get offa me, you filthy goblin!" Space Pants struck the goblin with a fire bolt, but it stood standing. Cutter missed his target, but kept himself between the second goblin and Space Pants.
In the goblin's den, the doors in the north-west corner were kicked open. Inside the den, two hobgoblins escorted the goblin shaman into the fray. The shaman raised her staff and cast Bane upon Alefgard, Edward, and ratNAROk, but only ratNAROk was affected.
ratNAROk bared his teeth at the shaman. "You're about to regret that!" Flying head first into a squeaking rage, ratNAROk barreled past enemies, shrugging off attacks of opportunity to reach the shaman and land a square hit on her collarbone, nearly killing her in one blow.
The goblins all round turned and collectively gasped. "He hurt our lady Grenl! Get him!!" Every goblin nearby, as well as one of the hobgoblins, rushed down ratNAROk, striking at him from all angles.
"Yeah, that's it! Come on, hit me! You can't do nothin'!" The rat man goaded on his opponents, taking cuts and scrapes like they were nothing.
Grenl the shaman caught her breath and vowed not to be brought down. She raised her hand, drawing a dark energy into it, and then grabbed ratNAROk with it, casting Inflict Wounds upon him. The necrotic energy sapped the rat man of his vitality, despite his rage, leaving him weakened for her minions to finish off. Then, making a nimble escape, she ducked away from ratNAROk and ran back into the corner room. There was a hole in the middle of the room surrounded by a two-foot tall wall. She leapt over the wall and into the hole, free-falling to safety.
"You little-- get back here!" ratNAROk raged against the goblins pinning him down, killing two but eventually succumbing to their relentless attacks and falling to the ground.
The second of the hobgoblins saw Alefgard, considered him a weak-looking target, and grunted at him, "You're next, book-boy." He slashed his longsword at the wizard, and Alefgard was lucky to get away with only a grazing cut.
The goblins on the front line hacked down the giant rats, but in their distraction failed to notice Zumies sneaking among them. The rogue deftly pierced the heart of one goblin with his rapier, ducked through the shadows to get in front of a second, and shoved his dagger up into the skull of another through its neck, watching the light fade from its eyes as it fell limp from his arms.
"Eesh! And we've slept in the same room with this guy," said Meepo with a shiver.
Meanwhile, in the hallway up north, two more hobgoblins came forth, accompanied by a third, larger hobgoblin wearing splint mail and wielding and impressive-looking longsword. They flanked the party from the rear, catching Meepo off guard in the doorway.
"What- Uh oh! Guys, we got big trouble! Oh, please don't kill Meepo, I beg of you, spare Meepo!" the kobold groveled and begged for his life, distracting the hobgoblins enough to create an opening for his allies, and mercifully managed to dodge the hobgoblin ambush.
"Little one, get behind me!" Sergei swapped places with Meepo, holding position in the doorway to bar the hobgoblins' entry. He breathed fire upon two of the three hobgoblins, but they were able to get their shields up and block some of the damage.
The hobgoblins retaliated. Striking together, they pushed Sergei off balance - as he moved to dodge one blade, he jumped right in the way of another, taking a considerably stronger hit. Sergei fell to the hobgoblins. Durnn, the captain and leader of the Durbuluk tribe, snorted and stepped over Sergei's body to strike at Erky, the gnomish raging cleric.
(https://i.postimg.cc/X7qbSNmg/40-gobassault.png)
"Uh oh," Meepo cried out, "they've broken through! This is really bad, you guys!"
"Little man, here!" Alefgard touched Erky's scimitar, and it glowed a bluish hue. "Go nuts!"
"I killed them all..." Erky said darkly, "...I'll kill them all again! Erky Berserky!!" The gnomish cleric hurled himself screaming at Durnn, not even the slightest bit intimidated by the hobgoblin's imposing size. He slashed at Durnn, and while the little gnome didn't do much damage, he did manage to impress the hobgoblin captain.
"Everybody, on your feet! Come on, get up, fight for Meepo!" The crowned kobold danced through the ranks, touching each of his allies and healing them.
"You too, ratNAROk! On your feet!" Edward shouted a Healing Word at ratNAROk, granting him another chance. He turned and faced Durnn with a glint in his eye. "I got somethin' for you too, big guy!" Edward slammed a riff on his lute, and Durnn's splint mail turned hot - and hotter - too hot! The air filled with the smell of burnt hair and flesh as the hobgoblin's armor started to cook him alive.
"Ow-- Owowowow!!" Durnn cried out in pain and rage. He made for Edward, but, seeing Sergei getting back on his feet behind him, turned on the dragonborn instead. "If you knew what was good for you, you'd stay down!" He swung at the fighter, but his burning armor made it hard for him to aim properly. "Ow!!"
One of the hobgoblins on the other side of the door landed a critical wound on Sergei, bringing him down again.
"C'mon, stay up!" Meepo soothed Sergei with a Healing Word of his own, putting more of his power into it. "I can't keep doing this, you gotta get up and kill them!"
Alefgard's axebeak rushed down the archers. Out of fear, they focused their attention on the giant bird instead of shooting the party. One missed, but the other scored a critical strike in its chest, nearly puncturing its heart. The bird was badly wounded, but fighting on pure adrenaline as it pecked at one of the archers with its massive beak.
In the other room, most of the commoners managed to sneak past Space Pants and Cutter while they were fighting goblins. As the path cleared, Bubb entered from the south. As it sees what's going on, it casts Toll the Dead on the goblin attacking Cutter. Space Pants fried the one on him with another Fire Bolt, and the two turned to enter the goblins' den and help out the rest of the party.
A goblin backed into Erky as it was trying to get around Zumies, and Erky reflexively slashed at it with his scimitar. The goblin's head flew off in a bloody arc. Erky looked down at the corpse of the goblin he'd just slain.
"I did it... I really did it... I am a killer! I'm Erky Berserky!!"
"Great job, Erky," said Edward, "you really did kill all those goblins though."
Alefgard added, "You're a real pal, but for real we have to talk about the murders."
Zumies stuck another goblin on his rapier, stabbing his rapier through its back and out the other side. Sergei stood on his feet once again, got a second wind, and clobbered the hobgoblin in front of him, felling it instantly. Durnn continued to cook in his armor, missing another attack as the heated metal continued to burn and hinder him. The axebeak missed its attack, but dodged the two arrows shot at it.
"Man, you're axebeak's not hitting anything!" said Edward.
"You will refer to him by his name, 'Aaauuuck!' And he's serving as an excellent decoy."
"Axebeaks make excellent mounts in the tundras," ratNAROk said as he challenged the hobgoblin. "C'mon, hit me! I'm not afraid of you!"
"Your axebeak will freeze by the time you reach the first marker," said Alefgard.
Edward said, "I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
Bubb's spiritual weapon, shaped like a blade with fly wings, struck down another goblin, as Bubb cast Toll the Dead on another. Its brains leaked out of its ears as it fell twitching to the ground. While the situation seemed perilous moments ago, the tide of battle seemed to be shifting in the party's favor. Sure enough, the enemy had thinned considerably, leaving only a few left standing.
With a final yell, Durnn slammed his weight into Sergei's shield, but it wasn't enough to break his defense. At last, the heated armor had done in the hobgoblin - he yelled as he fell, his cooked flesh still sizzling and crackling.
"Hey, I know you guys all missed me," Space Pants sauntered into the den as the last few goblins were being mopped out. "I got a new spell I've been wanting to try, here goes." The cat waves his hands and casts Nathair's Mischief, a bizarre spell with random effects. The area surrounding the last few goblins is covered in sticky molasses.
"What good did that do?" asked Zumies.
"You're welcome, that's what," the cat shot back.
Sergei, Edward, and Meepo surround the last hobgoblin, bringing him down with sheer numbers. As the last of the hobgoblins was slain, the battle was won.
"Oh no, I ain't done yet! Where's that shaman?" ratNAROk ran for the hole in the other room. He looked down to find an eighty foot drop. Though the wall was lined with thick vines good enough for climbing, it was a little surprising that the shaman was able to get to the bottom and away so fast. A purple light shined up from the bottom, just like the light emanating from the fungus in the braziers out in the goblins' den. Even though he was on his last legs, ratNAROk climbed down a ways to get a better look at the bottom. A number of skeletons were on a dirt floor below, tending to shrubs that looked like the twig blights they'd been encountering. It was difficult to tell from the angle he was at, but he thought he could see the roots of an even bigger shrub just barely out of view. One of the skeletons spotted him and began shaking the shrubs awake - at this point, ratNAROk decided to climb back up to the party and report what he'd seen.
Sergei searched the body of Durnn. There was a key that likely locked the iron chest in the adjacent room, and Durnn's longsword turned out to be of masterwork quality.
While searching the room, Space Pants and Bubb noticed some movement in the hazy hallway they had just left. It appeared that a dark-clothed kobold - in fact, the same one Bubb had seen earlier - was crossing the hallway and entering the Noble's Door, his empty sack ready to be filled with the unplundered loot that surely lied within.
(https://i.postimg.cc/0QYQLLHw/43-rogue-snooping.png)
Between the dozen-and-a-half corpses, the pile of stolen caravan goods in the middle of the room, and whatever lied beyond the Noble's Door, there was plenty in the area for the party to search. It would take some time to go through it all, then they would need to decide - follow the shaman down the hole to the next level, or see what treasures the rogue kobold hoped to find beyond that door?
7 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
((CW: Some images in this post contain pixelated blood))
(https://i.postimg.cc/VvjCZhRF/44-aftermath.png)
Sixteen goblins, four hobgoblins, and Durnn lay fallen at the party's feet. The room was quiet, the remaining civilian goblins having run off to hide somewhere else in the dungeon. With time on their hands, the party took a more thorough search of the battleground.
Aside from the masterwork sword and key, Durnn was also carrying a potion of healing and two vials of antitoxin. He was also wearing a ring with the name 'Talgen Hucrele' inscribed on the inside, and a bit of blood on it. Sergei looked again at the severed arm mounted on the wall, and shivered. He recognized the name belonged to one of the adventurers who had been lost a month ago, and began planning on how he would deliver the news of the adventurer's fate. "If anybody wants this beast's splint mail, they are welcome to it. I already have my own."
Zumies searched the hobgoblin lieutenants and found two of them were wearing jewelry - one had silver earrings set with moonstones, the other a matching necklace. "Huh... maybe they were a thing?" Shrugging, Zumies collected the jewelry and put it on.
(https://i.postimg.cc/5yqnvH2B/herof-erky.jpg)
Erky looked around, covered head to toe in goblin blood old and fresh. There was no denying it - he had certainly killed a few goblins here, his first that he could recall. But it made no sense... what, exactly, had he been accused of? 'Murdering goblins?' He had just witnessed his accusers walk into a goblin lair and slay scores, armed or not. The very cat holding him prisoner went off to toy with the civilians as they were running away! Who were these people to judge him? And what exactly had he done that was so wrong? Exhausted and confused, Erky snorted and set about removing Durnn's splint mail. He reached into his boot and found his tinkerer's pliers, which the goblins had fortunately missed taking from him when they'd captured him, and set to work cutting the armor apart. Whatever happened next, Erky was determined to survive and see this wretched experience to the end.
Space Pants reached out telepathically to Erky, once again impersonating the silky smooth voice of the world-famous bard Momuz Freeman. "Erky sat in a corner, reflecting upon his poor, sorry life. What would become of him, now that everyone knew he was a murderer? How could he go on living with himself after what he'd done?"
"Y'know what," Erky snapped, "if you want me to keep you alive, then you gotta keep me alive. Leave me alone to protect myself!"
Space Pants snorted a laugh. "Whoa, there! You better mind your place, you hear? You know if you try to get away again, we'll just catch you again - only next time, we'll lock you back up in that cage and pretend none of this ever happened."
"...That actually sounds nice--"
"--and then we'll free you again and start this whole thing over from the beginning. Until you go to bed, when we'll put you back in the cage. And then, the next morning, we'll do it all again." Space Pants laughed as he went to go find something else to toy with.
"Hey," Alefgard said to Erky, "nice job out there, actually. You know Erky, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
Erky stopped and looked up. "R-- really?"
"But seriously, we have to talk about the murders."
Erky growled in frustration, and went back to worrying away at the splint mail with his pliers.
Alefgard's axebeak came up to him with an arrow sticking out of it. "Ouch, that's in there pretty good," the wizard said, carefully removing it. "Do summoned creatures feel pain? I guess I should've paid more attention at the academy... You'll unsummon at dawn, and then you'll be okay - I mean, I think that's how it works..."
Zumies and Sergei ventured into the round room where Durnn and his lackies had been waiting. Next to the stone throne on the far end of the room was a potted shrub and an iron chest.
"Not taking any chances." Sergei put his torch to the shrub. The twig blight shrieked and lashed out, its branches scraping harmlessly off of Sergei's armor as it burned away to ash. "Thought so."
Zumies inspected the chest. Just before he used the key, he noticed a small hole above the keyhole, just big enough for a needle to stick out.
"Hm... I'm not taking any chances, either." Zumies cast Mage Hand and, grasping the key magically, inserted it into the lock. The trap did not go off with the proper key inserted, but it didn't hurt to be safe. Inside the chest was 231 gold and three onyx gems.
Space Pants, Bubb, and Meepo searched the large pile of stolen goods in the middle of the lair together. They found 160 more gold coins and a collection of goods: A bottle of fine wine, a box of charcoal, thirteen pieces of chisel, a pair of oars, a small cask of dried figs, six small iron boxes with simple locks, a spinning wheel, a wagon in pieces, and a wooden drum. Just before they were finished, Meepo took one last look for some armor and found a chain shirt beneath a hide sleeping mat nearby.
"I'll take that," Edward said as he snagged the bottle of wine.
"Can I get a nip of that?" said Alefgard.
"Next camp! We have to stay on our toes."
"C'mon, I'm hurting, man. I twisted my ankle trying to run away."
Space Pants picked up an oar, and used a piece of charcoal to draw Sergei's face on it. He held up the oar next to Sergei, bobbing it up and down as he made it speak. "I'm a stupid dragon, look at me."
Sergei raised an eyebrow at the felis. "Are you making a jape of me, cat?"
"Rarr, it's me, Sergei," said Space Pants as he waved the oar around, "I'm making japes."
"Anything in those boxes?" ratNAROk asked.
Meepo checked inside the iron boxes. In one, he found a keyring with six keys, one for each box. The rest were empty. "Nope! These must be for sale. Good to have though! Keep Meepo's things safe."
"What's that room over there?" Bubb pointed south, to the door in the far corner. "Looks like the reinforcements came from there."
ratNAROk went ahead, finding a small barracks not unlike other guardposts they had seen before. The room contained a few hide cots, a small campfire, a pile of dented cookware, and a barrel.
Bubb opened the barrel and found it filled with black pepper. The flies came out of its face, buzzed around the pepper for a moment, then retreated back inside the armor, uninterested. ratNAROk took a big whiff of the pepper and sneezed violently all over it. "Whoops!" He scooped up the top layer of pepper with his hands and dumped it onto the floor.
Erky peeked in, finished with his armor. Having dismantled the splint mail, the gnome kept only the chest piece and helm, effectively wearing it as a breastplate. Edward came in next, the rest of the party close behind. "This actually looks like a good place to camp. We can seal the door and rest here while we plan our next move. Do we go down the shaft to face the shrubs and skeletons, or do we see what's down those stairs behind that door we opened?"
"There's a Meepo down there probably looting the place already," said Space Pants.
The kobold cocked his head. "Meepo right here, what you talking about?"
"There's also that area where we fought those swarms of rats," Bubb reminded the group. "We didn't get past the skeletons ahead of that area. We could always backtrack and explore there."
"I agree we should rest first, but we shouldn't give that kobold too much time," said Zumies. "We're the first ones to open that door in a century. There's loot ripe for the pickings in there!"
Their plan set, the party made plans to set watch for their rest. Edward and Alefgard took first watch. It was mostly uneventful, except near the very end; Somewhere outside the room, a ghastly hiss filled the air, followed by a high-pitched kobold scream.
"What was that?" said Edward.
"Not our problem," said Alefgard. "Yet. It's next watch, we'll let them know to stay alert."
Space Pants and ratNAROk took the next watch. Cutter the skeleton stood by, still as the dead but alert. Shortly after it began, ratNAROk was staring into the fire, lost in thought, as Space Pants spotted something - a specter floating through the door, reaching a ghostly claw out towards the unaware rat man!
"Yikes! ratNAROk, look out!"
"Huh? What's up, little guy?"
"No, not me! Turn around!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/B6PDHbPk/45-specter-attack.png)
ratNAROk reacted a bit late, but spotted it just in time to narrowly dodge the specter's sneak attack. Space Pants cast Dissonant Whispers on the specter, wracking its brain with psychic noise. Recoiling, the ghost tried to flee, but ratNAROk and Cutter were each able to land a hit on it first. Their swords passed through its incorporeal body, but even with their damage resisted, their combined strength was enough to dissipate it after the damage it took from Space Pants's spell.
The rest of the party woke just in time to see the fight end - except for Meepo, who slept soundly through the whole thing.
"Alright, show's over folks," said Space Pants, "nothing to see here. Go back to sleep."
8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
The rest of the night went uneventfully. In the morning, Alefgard's axebeak - who had crawled on top of Erky to sleep over the course of the night - unsummoned at dawn. Cutter was looking agitated, and Space Pants realized the power of Nightcaller was failing.
"Ah, hold on - I gotta blow this whistle again to reassert control over you, yeah? Here goes." Space Pants inhaled - but then, he stopped. Looking at Cutter more closely, it was clear the skeleton had taken severe damage during the last fight. It looked like one small hit could finish it off. Meanwhile, there were plenty of fresh bodies all around.
"On second thought... Cutter, go bring me the corpse of that big hobgoblin out there. What was his name... Dirt? You'll know which one, he smells like fried chicken."
Cutter dragged the corpse of Durnn, who had been cooked alive in his armor with Edward's Heat Metal spell, next to the fire.
"Great. Now, as your final order, go stand in that fire and take a nap."
Without thought or hesitation, the skeleton complied, stepping into the campfire and turning to face Space Pants. It stared at him with empty, lifeless eyesockets as its bones fell apart, one by one, into the campfire.
"Wonderful. Now... upsie-daisy, Cutter 2!" Space Pants blew the crystal whistle.
(https://i.postimg.cc/9fnZDZ0y/46-durnn-raised.png)
With the charred body of Durnn risen as a zombie, the party set forth, wary of the specter that had attacked the night before. They went back to the hazy hallway, where the door to the stairs leading to the Noble's level stood open. In front of the door was a kobold corpse - its skin was sunken in around the bone, practically mummified.
"Was that here before?" Edward said.
"Oh, good," said Zumies, "that must mean the loot is safe. Let's not waste any more time."
The stairs lead down to a dusty, square room. A door was set in the northern and eastern walls, the latter locked while the former stood ajar. There was no light but for the torches they brought with them.
Space Pants peeked through the ajar door, and with his darkvision saw what looked like the kobold with the sack on its back - only, different. Its skin had faded, and it shambled with an uneven gait. "Yeah, not good. Cutter, you first."
The hobgoblin zombie pushed through the door. As soon as it did, a pack of zombies in the room ahead turned and groaned hungrily. A few up front were kobold, including the dark-garbed one seen earlier. Most of them had elven features and wore armor denoting the mark of a royal guard. They carried maces, except for one in the back holding a sledgehammer in two hands.
"Here we go - yaaah!!" ratNAROk wasted no time flying into a squeaking, glowing rage, charging headfirst into the horde and cutting down one of the kobold zombies. The rest of the party squeezed in where they could: Sergei entered the room and backed into a corner to stand his ground. Meepo raised his holy symbol to turn the zombies, causing some to turn and flee - unfortunately, including Cutter. Edward cast Sleep, knocking a few of the zombies unconscious. Space Pants cast a Phantasmal Force on one in the back, causing it to see all of its allies as Zumies' mother - or at least, what Space Pants thought she looked like.
The zombies attacked chaotically, but strangely with a purpose. Some ran away, some ran forward. The one in the back saw an elf running away from it, and attacked its ally, who turned and fought back. Despite their mindless movement, oddly they seemed to deliberately leave a space open near the back, as if preparing for something. As the zombies rushed forward, two doors in the back flew open, revealing two larger zombies dressed in fine clothing and armor. One carried a greataxe, the other a maul. Both weapons shined with a silvery light.
Space Pants took a beat to observe the field of battle. There was a chill in the air that made the fur on the back of his neck stand up. He thought for a moment, putting the pieces together... Last night, they were attacked by a specter, and this morning there was a drained body outside the door. He realized there must be a connection, and it must be nearby.
Sure enough, that realization turned out to be correct. A wretched howl reverberated through the halls, and through the wall appeared a wraith. It rushed forward, filling the space the zombies had left open for it, and hissed again. The apparition raised one hand, and from the body of the recently slain kobold zombie, a new specter was raised. The specter tried to grab ratNAROk like the last one had, targeting the biggest and holiest target it could see, but missed. The wraith raised its other hand, and the shadows around it leapt from the floor and congealed into a wall in front of it, obscuring line of sight to it.
(https://i.postimg.cc/0jgSfvpQ/47-zombie-attack.png)
Meepo saw the wraith's face - the ghost of an elven noble - and recognized it from a statue. He could recall from the inscription he remembered seeing that this was the enraged spirit of Mebzuth "Paintedamused" Logemïdath, a Baronness. It is said she was a worshipper of Lål Wondercradle the Bride of Adoration, she absolutely detested bats, and she liked working outdoors and grumbled only mildly at inclement weather. Supposedly, her last orders while alive were to construct three ballista parts.
Erky looked through the door and nearly leapt out of his skin. "Egads! A wraith!" The gnome cleric-barbarian tried to get a line of sight on the wraith to cast Sacred Flame, but wasn't able to pull it off.
Alefgard shot the specter with a Firebolt, but it appeared to resist fire damage. "Normal weapons and elements aren't as effective against these things - they must have a weakness!"
"Keep fighting," said Edward. "We'll figure it out along the way!"
8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
Having spent a round observing, Space Pants was able to clearly witness the wraith's opening gambit. Not only could it raise specters from the souls of the recently fallen, but it commanded the shadows around it like inky black water, veiling itself in darkness. He tried to spot a weakness, but all he could ascertain was that this was no ordinary wraith.
"Yeah, I think I'll stay back here. Get in there, Cutter!"
The zombified Durnn turned and fled out of the room, shambling as fast as it could away from Meepo's holy symbol, moaning and whining as it shuffled by.
"You've changed, Cutter. You're goin' soft on me."
Space Pants ducked his head to the side, far enough that he could see the wraith from around its wall of shadows, and cast Dissonant Whispers on it. A discordant ditty began playing on repeat in the wraith's mind: "Kill the elves, make them burst; Kill the elves, Zumies first."
The wraith howled in frustration and flew away through the wall. The specter it summoned disengaged from the fight and followed behind.
ratNAROk cut down a zombie, and hacked into another. "Ha! That's right! I ain't afraid of no ghost, they're afraid of me!"
"Hey, rat, thanks for stealing the credit." The felis sorcerer made a mock squeaking voice. "'You're welcome, Space Pants! You're so cool and awesome! I wish I could be you!'"
One of the zombies made a grasping lunge at Meepo, but stumbled over itself as it did so. The kobold easily dodged, and pointed his holy symbol at it in retaliation. A dolorous bell sound filled the air, and the rot on the zombie's body accelerated as necrotic magic ate away at it. Bubb attempted the same, but missed. Alefgard shot off a fire bolt at a zombie, and Sergei pushed back the horde with sword and board, wielding the masterwork longsword pulled from Durnn. Erky cast Sacred Flame and burned another, but it remained standing.
Edward tried to stick a zombie with his rapier, missed, then in one deft movement, pulled out a dagger with his off-hand and stuck it in the zombie's throat.
Zumies's eyes went wide. "A rapier and a dagger? Is that a feat, or a cheat?"
"It's only cheating if you get caught, rogue!" the bard quipped merrily.
Zumies shrugged. "Fine, who needs daggers anyway." The half-elf took aim with Athamgim Bothonnulom, "Focustwisted the Murky Blames," the magic black bronze crossbow he'd pilfered from the troll and took aim at a zombie. The magic of the crossbow imbued the bolt with energy, granting it some additional ability to bypass defenses. The bolt passed straight through the zombie's neck, tearing the head halfway off its shoulders, but still the undead guard stood with mace in hand.
Space Pants waved his hands and cast a chaotic bolt at a zombie. The bolt changed colors rapidly as it flew through the air, exploding in a burst of acid when it landed.
ratNAROk whirled around in surprise. "What magic! What source is this from?!"
"It's from a book called 'Taming of the Gnome.' It's a heart-warming tale about showing a criminal the error of his ways and bringing him to justice for his deeds."
"We'll see about that," Erky muttered under his breath.
"His name is Erky," Space Pants continued. "It's about that time he killed all those people."
"Yeah, I get it!" The gnome found an opening and pushed his way into the fray, slashing at a zombie with his scimitar. The blade connected critically, taking its leg off at the knee. He tried not to think about the fact he was doing better with a sword and his own strength than with the help of his deity.
"Yeah, that's it," Alefgard cheered on Erky. "Now you gotta hit 'em with a one-liner, like, 'Obey your master!'"
"Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings," sung Edward.
Alefgard launched another Firebolt, determined to put this horde to rest. A chill in the air got his attention, as he noticed the wall next to him suddenly became very cold.
"What the..."
As the wizard reached out to touch the wall, a spectral hand reached through and grabbed him by the wrist, sucking the life out of him. Alefgard wrenched himself free at the last moment, feeling as though that one attack put him on his last legs. "It's here, on the back line! That thing almost killed me!"
"I got you, buddy!" Edward sprang to his long time friend's defense, casting an empowered Healing Word to restore his health.
Once again, the sounds of wailing spirits rattled the walls. The wraith appeared again, not at the back where the wall was cold but right in the middle of the zombie pack, slipping through the wall with its summoned specter close behind. The specter covered the wraith's rear, and then the wraith raised shadows once again to hide its side, as it reached forward to raise a second specter from another fallen zombie. The newly raised specter caught Space Pants by surprise and latched onto the cat's throat. It drained him unconscious, but with the last of his will, Space Pants was able to keep his life from being taken from him.
"No, no, no! Meepo says no dying!" Meepo cast a Healing Word for Space Pants, bringing him back to consciousness.
Feeling the tide of battle turning, Alefgard reached into his bag of tricks and threw a ball of fur onto the battlefield. "Here's something else to swing at!" The ball unfurled and stood as a baboon, which immediately swung its arms at the wraith. Its fists passed through its ethereal form almost harmlessly.
Seeing the wraith again, Erky raised his holy symbol and once again cast Sacred Flame. This time, it worked - white flames danced amongst the wraith's mistlike form. While the radiant damage did not appear to be hurting it worse, the wraith did react with fear, acting as though it was already preparing to flee again.
"That's it! Radiant damage makes it flee!"
"Not before I have something to say about it!" Sergei rushed forward to attack the wraith, but was blocked by the wall of shadows. It was unclear whether the shadows would actually impede his movement, but they definitely blocked his vision, making attacking from this side difficult. "Somebody give me an opening!"
"It doesn't like light?" said Zumies. "Let's see how it likes this!" Zumies pulled out the candle with the blue Continual Flame and held it with his Mage Hand. He directed the hand into the wraith's space, holding the light inside the spirit. The magical flame does not burn, but does not go out, either. The light shined out from inside the wraith, disrupting its concentration on the shadows and causing the wall the dissipate.
"Good thinking! Now, feel my wrath!" Seeing his chance, Sergei opened his mouth and unleashed a cone of dragon breath at the wraith and its two specters. Unfortunately, the spirits all appeared to resist the fire, but having already taken radiant damage, the wraith and its two specters turned and fled the battlefield anyway, once again slipping away through the wall.
"Ha! Cowards!" ratNAROk looked into the eyes of the hooded zombie, the one carrying a large, well-crafted maul, before slashing its head off with his scimitar.
"Pat Scimitar," said Alefgard.
"Rat Scimitar," corrected Edward.
"Dang. Got me on that one."
Meepo placed a hand on ratNAROk and cast Cure Wounds. The rat scoffed. "Calm down, I don't need healing!"
"Yes, you do! You've been surrounded by zombies this whole time. You not dying on Meepo's watch!"
Edward cut down another. The zombies were thinning out, the battle nearing its end. "We need to do something about these bodies so the wraith can't raise more specters from them!"
"Cut off their heads," suggested Space Pants.
"Is that where the soul is?" asked Meepo.
"What about burning them?" tried Edward.
"Burning is good," answered Bubb. "A specter is raised from the body of one who has died violently. By burning the bodies, we put the souls to rest, so they may no longer be raised as angry spirits."
"Bo Burn'em," interjected ratNAROk.
"'Burning is good,'" said Space Pants, mimicking the buzzing sound that accompanied Bubb's voice. "'Rolling in guts is better. Hey guys, I'm Bubb and I smell terrific.'" Space Pants began shooting Fire Bolts into the fallen zombies, setting them ablaze behind them as the party pressed forward into the hall.
The warforged cleric stared at the cat, made a mental note, and moved on. "There are a couple more ahead," Bubb said. "A few that we've turned. One of them is big."
The party pressed forward, cleaning up the rest of the zombie guards. They waited a bit, but the wraith and its specters did not return.
The larger zombie was carrying a silvered, masterwork greataxe. "Oooh, that's for me!" ratNAROk eagerly picked up the weapon that was clearly too large for him.
"Hm," said Sergei, "I see a helm on an armor stand in one of the rooms those big zombies came from. I'm going to go take a look."
"You guys go on ahead," said Space Pants. "I'm going to burn these bodies. Not because of the wraith, just because I hate them."
Sergei moved into the west room, and the rest of the party followed. Besides the helm, the room contained a weapon rack with a masterwork, silvered short sword, and a necklace with red diamonds on the table. Edward spent some time identifying the items - the sword and necklace were mundane, but the helm had an enchantment of Waterbreathing on it. If the helm gets wet at all, it activates a Waterbreathing spell for the wearer, which lasts for one hour before deactivating for the day.
Space Pants takes his time burning the bodies. Space Pants pets Alefgard's baboon. Space Pants does cat nip. While distracted, the wraith snuck up behind him and reached its hand into his chest!
(https://i.postimg.cc/vZzh7K5X/48-zombie-burn.png)
"Hey-- get out of there! That's my... me stuff!"
Space Pants felt his very soul wrench as the wraith's grasp seemed about to pull him straight out of his own body. It was trying to possess him! Space Pants steeled himself and resisted the attack, and cast Dissonant Whispers on it again, trying to make it flee like last time. This time, however, as the cat's annoying tune danced in its head, the wraith ignored it and loomed in, preparing to take his life the hard way.
"Meepo said 'no!' Stay away from Meepo's friends!" From his vantage point at the door, Meepo could see the wraith, and shot a Guiding Bolt at it. Radiant light pierced the wraith's spectral form. It howled with rage and dissipated once again into the wall.
"We must stay together," said Sergei the dragonborn. "Let's search these rooms with care, and take anything that could give us an advantage."
Sergei took the helm of waterbreathing, while Edward took the short sword. Zumies, of course, took the necklace. Searching the rooms across the hall, they also found a well-crafted warhammer and a suit of studded leather, as well as a cabinet containing four healing potions. There were still chests and other rooms in the area left to search.
Space Pants's ear twitched. "Hmm... Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/Z5ZjdmvC/49-bye-cutter.png)
=============
Zumies took a moment to eye the pair of chalk coffers in the northeastern room. "Hm... suspiciously plain for a noble. Could be trapped..."
While the half-elf was distracted inspecting the chests, Space Pants chose violence. Sneaking up behind him, he stuck a small wooden stick beneath the rogue's boot and set it on fire with a tinderbox. Zumies almost failed to notice, until smoke and the smell of warmed leather reached his nose.
"Hey! Knock it off, those are magic boots!"
"He's gonna use a magic boot to stomp a mudhole in Space Pants," said Alefgard, "and walk it dry."
"I'm just keepin' you on your feet, elf," said the cat. "Never know when someone might sneak up on ya, then what? Bam, lights out, that's what." Space Pants licked his paw and used it to clean his face. "Well, whaddaya waiting for? Open the chests already."
The chest on the left contained some personal affects, including a rose gold amulet worth at least 50g. On the right, the chest appeared empty... at first, that is. As Zumies watched, a shadow passed over the bottom of the chest, and where once was nothing now sat a stone slab.
"What...? Did the wraith do that?"
"Hey! That looks like the tablet I found in my bag the other night! What was it about... 'The Deified Furnace?'"
"It's Severedcoils again," Zumies said, able to read Dwarvish. "Listen to this..."
14th Limestone, 201, Early Autumn
-------------
(https://i.postimg.cc/Kz3DV2nL/traders.jpg)
The traders have arrived! Let's hope we have enough encrusted rock crafts to make good use of them.
(https://i.postimg.cc/zfck0BR8/thiefed.jpg)
I count over our trade goods. Have I miscounted again? No, I'm sure of it... Something has made off with our yellow zircons. Blast! If only we had the manpower to move it indoors... It was probably that rhesus macaque I spotted earlier.
(https://i.postimg.cc/50z8gmVS/asob.jpg)
As I approached the caravan, I noticed a very unusual sight indeed! Asob, possibly the shyest lady of our bunch, was talking with the traders!
Asob and I like to joke about how our little band seemed to have been named after us, whether intentionally or not. Obok gave us the name "The Crypts of Castles." My name is Zon 'Castleweakened,' and Asob is called 'Cryptsieges.' What are the odds? We've had only a little time to chat between work, but from what I've gathered she doesn't much like crowds - and the trade depot being our designated meeting area, it seems the last place she'd be! She was separated from her parents during the New Granite's Day Parade as a wee child, and spent the rest of her childhood in an orphanage. 'Tis very sad, but seeing her overcome those fears by herself to go establish our first trade relations...
Part of me wants to intervene, because I'm afraid she won't make the right choices... but I'm sure she would hate me for it. I suppose I'll wait and see...
Ten mugs, five harps, five toys, and nine other crafts got us a full bin of leather, a bag each of plump helmet spawn and cave wheat seeds, a cat cage to replace the one that stupidly attacked a rat several times its own size, and a giant cave spider silk thread. I wonder about the silk... We already have some and this was a huge investment, but then I see their faces and I understand. She wants the traders to know that they will always make profit here if they bring the good, costlier silk. Besides, it can be turned around into something more expensive later. Impressive, Asob.
"Excuse me, but are you the manager here?" The trade liaison hails me.
"Yes, ma'am! You're talking to the Zon Rimtarothil, regional fishing champ and outpost manager of Zursulbalad!"
She looked around at the ponds outside, then snickered. "This region? My, I bet that was a thrilling competition, hoo hoo!"
"Well, now! There's no need to be rude!"
"Sorry, some say my humor takes some getting used to. I meant nothing by it. My name is Unib Tunrithlut, and I will be your liaison to the mountainhome."
"Splendid. Speaking of which, do you know when we might be expecting immigrants?"
Unib narrowed her eyes and looked at me down the bridge of her nose. "Why? This place getting too hard for you to handle already, hoo hoo?"
"Was that some of your award-winning humor as well?"
She began to answer, and then--
"Zon! Zon, come quick! I've found something!"
It was Asob's voice. Oh, wonderful! Perhaps she's found some gems, maybe something a bit more precious than sunstone?
(https://i.postimg.cc/mkGC5FZf/pit.jpg)
Oh, dear...
Edward tapped his foot. "Something's not right about this, I can't quite place it--"
A ghastly howl interrupted the bard, followed by the choking gasps of a zombie having its breath taken away.
"Aw, crap - Cutter 2!"
Space Pants ran outside the room, just in time to see the zombified Durnn surrounded by the wraith and its specters. The wraith reached its hand inside the zombie, and its body deflated at the touch. As the hobgoblin's corpse fell, his spirit rose up, gnashing its teeth and screeching in rage, tinted red with fury. Another victim added to its army, the wraith flew through the walls to its lair, whisking past Sergei with its three specters in tow.
(https://i.postimg.cc/JzMWsNGq/50-conga.png)
"Yikes!" said the dragonborn. "Let's stick together..."
Ignoring sound advice, Space Pants walked over to Durnn's corpse and kicked it. "C'mon, get up Cutter. You're lettin' us all down."
"Rats," said ratNAROk. "Guess you'll have to wait until tomorrow for Nightcaller to work again, right?"
"Nah, it works fine." Space Pants walked up to Bubb and blew the whistle in its face. "Go on, on to the next room! We've got lootin' to do."
The metallic swarm host leveled its glowing eyes at the sorcerer. "That didn't work. I am not under your command."
"But you're gonna do it, aren't ya? Go on, you first!"
Meepo picked a key off the corpse of the zombie hammerer. "This must go to south door - but we miss room across hall. Let's check there before we go!"
"Hang on," said Sergei. "These halls... they aren't symmetrical. Almost as if there should be another room here."
"Ah, good eye!" Zumies nodded. "You check out here, I'll see about the walls inside."
(https://i.postimg.cc/cLhGwv3N/51-symmetry.png)
"Hmph," Sergei snorted. Using the power of his Sentinel's Shield, Sergei had an easier time perceiving things, but was certain there was nothing to find. "It would seem I'm mistaken."
"Nah, you're not wrong," the rogue said confidently. "These rich snobs definitely have a secret room around here somewhere. I can feel it. Keep your eyes peeled!"
Across the hall, they had already checked the tax collector's office and dining room, but the southern chamber appeared to be his bedroom. Two coffers, one of chalk and one of olivine, both +finely crafted+, sat in the southwestern corner. A thorough search turned up no traps, a half-dozen empty aluminum flasks, and another empty chest. As before, a shadow passed by, and another stone tablet appeared in the empty space.
"Are we sure it's the wraith doing that?" said Meepo. "I didn't see it come in here..."
"Well," Zumies looked over the tablet with apprehension, "let's see what this one says..."
17th Sandstone, 205, Mid-Autumn
-------------
Erush Eddudlikot, one of our rangers, came running to me, out of breath, face stricken with panic.
"Zon! Zon, there's.... something..." I couldn't even make out what she was saying, as she was panting too heavily.
"Spit it out, Erush. What is it?"
"Saw... something... coming... this way..."
"What? Another siege? We already fought one this season."
"No! Worse... worse!!"
"What??"
The next words out of her mouth made the hairs of my beard stand on end.
(https://i.postimg.cc/zvfBGnj1/dragon.jpg)
"Everybody inside!! Military, to your posts! Prepare yourselves for the worst!! Wall off the gate so the caravan can't leave!"
The traders from Subetrovod, the Swift Arches, looked at me in shock - as if they didn't understand the danger they would be in if they left now! No matter, there wasn't time to explain. I prepared the military to stand by near the gates. But then, I had an idea...
The new cage traps! What incredible timing!! It's extremely risky, but... it just might work!
((DFMA)) (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1803-adragonapproaches) ((Movie)) I pull the military back further inside and wait... (https://youtu.be/7ugzUTcH-_I)
(https://i.postimg.cc/VvHNrdG0/tamed.jpg)
Zumies blinked, and his eyes grew wide. "This... image is moving. But I don't understand what I'm looking at..."
Edward watched the image with wonder. "I think that's the dragon Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare - or 'Nelare Flickersizzles the Glowing Silvers,' in Common - headed straight for the front gate of Severedcoils and... walking right into a cage trap?"
"What?" Meepo couldn't believe his ears - Nelare, the very dragon revered by his tribe and to whom the Sunken Citadel was dedicated, was alive? And captured? By a mere suspended cage trap?
Alefgard peeked over Zumies shoulder. "Eh? Does that say 'Sandstone 205?' ...And the other, 'Limestone 201?'"
Zumies said, "Oh, you can read Dwarvish too?"
"Yeah, and I can tell time. Today's 6th Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer, assuming I've counted our rest hours correctly. Yusdrayl made it very clear that this chamber has been sealed for at least a century, but this tablet is only a little over a decade old."
"Oh," said Edward. "...Oh."
"Sealed behind a door, locked with a special key, which itself was sealed in a tomb with a troll, which in turn was behind a riddle, some traps, and another key that only Yusdrayl herself had," Bubb droned. "Impossible. These tablets could not have originated here."
"Something's reaching out to us for help..." the realization sent a chill down ratNAROk's spine.
"Sounds like some parallel dimension distress call shenanigans to me," Bubb agreed, remembering the meddling of the quasit as they had entered the troll dragonpriest's tomb.
"Sure looks like a parallel dimension," said Zumies, turning the animated tablet upside down to see if he could get the image to change and display something else.
Alefgard takes a long drag from his pipe. "But what even is reality, man?"
Space Pants looked at the wizard's pipe. "Hey, who said you could have catnip? Ah, nevermind. You're alright, book-boy."
"Come on, let's go!" Meepo urged the party on, eager to see what more could be learned of his beloved Nelare. "The key must go to this door over there, by the stairs! Let's prepare ourselves for whatever's hiding behind there."
"I can tell you what's back there," Alefgard shivered as he remembered the wraith's hand coming for him through the wall, right next to that very door. "It ain't gonna be pretty."
8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
"Do you think we have time for a short rest?" Bubb asked. Though Bubb himself hadn't been damaged yet, he knew others had taken a beating.
"Mmm... do you think those ghosts will let us? They could ambush us through the walls," said Edward.
"Then let's keep going," squeaked ratNAROk. "We've got it on the run, let's finish the job!"
"And clean this place out while we're at it!" Zumies' moonstone earrings sparkled in the torchlight. With the rose gold amulet recently added to his jewelry collection, he was finding himself quite satisfied with the trip so far. He only hoped the party wasn't keeping track of everything he was picking up.
Sergei put his claw on the southern door and pushed. The stone door refused to budge. "It's locked."
"You gotta use the knob, tough guy," said Alefgard.
Sergei tried the knob, but it wouldn't turn. "I told you, it's locked."
"Yeah but you didn't-- okay."
"Meepo has the key." The kobold came forward with the key he had pilfered from the corpse of the zombified hammerer. The key turned, and the lock clicked. "There! Now you try."
Sergei stepped back, then kicked the door with all his might. The door shuddered and came off its hinges, but not entirely - the door was now jammed shut.
"The knob, meathead!" The wizard stifled a chuckle. "Guess we're not going that way anymore."
Alerted by the sound of the door being kicked in, half a dozen moans crept up from the hallway beyond, as shambling footsteps shuffled toward them.
"Like hell we aren't," said the dragonborn. Snorting flames from his nostrils, Sergei grabbed the sides of the door between his arms and yanked it clean off its hinges. Six zombie guards shambled towards them from the hallway beyond. Down one length of the hall stood a row of statues of elven warriors holding longswords, carved of the same red-veined marble as the halls upstairs. Sergei heaved the door into the hallway, smashing it into the nearest zombie. "Knock knock!"
Space Pants locked eyes with one of the zombies, and filled its head with Dissonant Whispers. "This is all Zumies' fault. This is all Zumies' fault. It's the elf doing this, not the cool and funny cat. Tell them Zumies did this." The zombie groaned and fell over, its legs kicking as though trying to walk on its side, until twitching and lying still.
"Save the high-level stuff for the big guy," Bubb cautioned.
"I don't remember commanding you to speak." Space Pants blew Nightcaller in the cleric's face. "Cutter, use Toll the Dead."
"I-- I was going to do that anyway!" Flies welled up from the joints of the warforged's frame, buzzing agitatedly.
"Back off!" Edward rushed through the door, raised his lute, and struck a heavy riff on its strings. A cacophonous Thunder Wave echoed through the hall, slamming the front three zombies with sonic force. One was pushed back, but two of them held their place and continued their advance.
"Uh... crap!" The bard backed himself into the corner, putting one of the statues between himself and the horde. "A little help here?"
"Let 'em come," ratNAROk sneered. The mousefolk barbarian leapt onto the shoulders of Sergei, readying his newly acquired, silvered, masterwork short sword. A zombie shuffled towards the door, and ratNAROk struck at it with his readied blade. "Yeah, just like that! Bring 'em on!"
"Here, let me help you guys out with that." Alefgard placed a hand on the dragonborn's shoulder, and Sergei doubled in size.
"Woah! That's more like it!" Sergei thrust his giant weapon through the doorway and cut down the zombie ratNAROk had started. "Thanks, little one!"
"No, no, no! You're too big now!" Meepo danced around in a frenzy. With so much happening right in the doorway, it was getting difficult to draw a line of sight to target enemies with his spells.
Edward turned at the commotion. Seeing Sergei's large frame blocking the door, he realized he was exposed in the hallway, and the backup he thought he'd had might be slow to reach him. It was then, of all the worst times, that the howling of specters filled the air.
From between the statues, the wraith of the Baroness Mebzuth Logemïdath and her specters swooped in. The specters filled the space around the wraith to protect her as she raised yet another specter from a fallen zombie. Once it was done, the wraith directed the spirit of Durnn to attack Edward. The hobgoblin specter flew over top of the elven statue and slashed at the bard with a claw that looked like a ghastly blade, but missed.
Seizing an opportunity of distraction, the wraith reached out a spectral hand towards the statue. The stone moved, and without warning, the statue swung its stone sword at Edward! Caught unawares, the blunt, but hardened sword struck Edward in his chest, knocking him back against the wall.
"That wraith has lair actions!" fretted Meepo.
Two zombies followed up with that attack - one struck Edward with its mace. The other dropped its maul and lunged at Edward, grabbing at him with rotten hands.
"Ack-- no, no!" The zombies, the specter, even the statue he thought would protect him had all swarmed him at once. All this has transpired in a few seconds - and the doorway out and to his allies was still blocked by Sergei's massive frame.
Overwhelmed by the risen dead, Edward faced his own mortality in that moment. A memory flashed before his eyes - That one wonderful night he had spent cavorting and drinking, coming home to an empty house and thinking nothing of it, then being greeted the next morning mid-hangover by the captain of the town guard, his brother's helm in his hands.
"Thomas... Thomas!" Edward screamed, and collapsed to the floor, trembling in the fetal position. He had embarked on this journey to run from his pain, but soon, it would no longer matter. Soon, he would join his brother in the grave. He didn't even feel the zombie's teeth as it bit into his shoulder.
"Edward!!" Alefgard shouted. His friend, the bard who had invited him into his home after his brother's death, to whom he had taught the basics of magic from what he had learned at the mage's academy before flunking out, was in trouble. "What the hell... Baboon! Get in there. Now!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/zXnrDtXv/52-zombattle2.png)
The baboon he had summoned earlier screeched, sensing the urgency of the situation. To get through the door, the monkey leapt onto Sergei's chest and launched itself from there onto the face of the zombie that had struck Edward with its mace, tearing hair and flesh from its scalp and bringing it down over the body of another zombie.
Zumies looked for an opening, but the confined space was too tight for him to get in with his daggers. "Normal weapons haven't been working against those specters... but this crossbow is magical. Not a normal weapon, is it?" The rogue took aim at one of the specters, but the bolt struck the side of the doorframe. "Drats... I don't have a shot!"
Bubb moved his head to see around Sergei's massive arm. The floor was full of zombies, but the specter over the statue gave him an idea. "Reinforcements!" Bubb raised his holy symbol, and a spiritual saber with giant fly wings appeared next to the specter and swung down at the zombies surrounding Edward.
"That's not what I told you to cast!"
Bubb began to cast Toll the Dead, then realized that was exactly what Space Pants had told him to cast earlier. "I was going to-- but not because you told me-- Argh, shut up, cat!" The spell hit one of the specters, but did minimal damage due to the distraction.
Sergei reached through the doorway, but couldn't quite reach to pull the zombies off of Edward. "Blast... Edward! Hang in there! Don't give up!" Sergei hoped his Rallying Cry would give the bard enough will to hang on long enough for them to provide support.
"You're big and scaly but have short, stubby arms," ratNAROk quipped. "Like a T-rex! Rarr!"
Sergei stabbed through the door with his masterwork longsword again. Even though the specter he hit resisted the damage from his mundane sword, the dragonborn attacked with such fury that he was able to disperse the ghost anyway. "Furry one, I can handle myself here. Get in there for Edward!"
"Loud and clear!" ratNAROk's fur glowed a bright, radiant gold as he leapt off of Sergei's shoulder, squeaking as his short swords found purchase in another zombie. The zombie remained standing, however, and with surprising speed, turned and bit the mouse on the hand. "Yeowch! Oh, that burns... I mean-- hah! Is that all you got?"
Patiently waiting for his moment, Meepo spotted the wraith moving in towards Edward, just as Sergei backed up to line up another strike. "The perfect window-- Now, Guiding Bolt!" A bolt of radiant energy shot from the kobold's holy symbol. The wraith covered its face and blocked some of the damage, but was still spooked by the radiant energy. The specters all turned towards the wraith in reaction, knowing it was time to flee.
"You ain't getting away without a parting gift." Space Pants locked onto the wraith in its moment of fear, and wracked its mind with more Dissonant Whispers. "Remember, this is all Zumies' fault. Oh yeah, and Erky's a cold-blooded killer. Hang on a second." The felis sorcerer finished his spell, then turned to check on their gnome prisoner. "Hey. You gonna get in here or what?"
Erky, who had been sneaking towards the stairs during the distraction, jumped as his captor noticed. "Y-yeah, right on it!" Erky attempted a Sacred Flame on the wraith, but missed. "Whoops..."
Space Pants tsked. "You'll never be as good as Cutter. We're gonna have to put you back in that cage for your insubordinance."
Erky clenched his fists. "Just you wait and see... You'll pay for this."
"Not before you pay for all those people you killed! Now quit distractin' me." The cat turned back towards the mayhem before him. "Man, Cutter 2 was such a disappointment... and Cutter 3 talks back to me. I miss Cutter 1. It's a shame the elf killed him."
Frightened by the radiant damage, the wraith turned and fled through the wall, taking its specters with it. The few remaining zombies were cut down with relative ease.
"That's it? Hah! I'm still hungry for more." ratNAROk cheered over the bodies of the fallen zombies. His eyes fell upon Sergei's exposed neck. "Hungry... hm, yeah..."
Meepo ran in to tend to Edward. Seeing the bite was infected, he cast Lesser Restoration to remove the disease from his system.
Bubb looked to ratNAROk. "What about you? Were you bitten?"
"Me?" ratNAROk turned his body to hide the bite on his hand. "Nah, I'm fine! Save your magic."
Even after being healed, Edward remained trembling on the floor. Seeing Edward was in a terrible state. Alefgard cast Mage Hand. The hand strummed a familiar tune on Edward's lute. His ears perked. The tune wasn't quiiiiite right. The hand tried again and just couldn't get the right chord... The mage hand slammed itself against the wall in frustration. The hand tried one more time and the correct chords came flowing from the lute. All at once, Edward stopped trembling. "Home..." The bard sat up, coughed, dusted himself off, and stood. "Thank you, friend..."
"Of course. We should talk next time we rest. Can't have you going catatonic on us like that. Where am I gonna go if I lose you?"
"Oh, you'll find somebody else to mooch off of. I have faith in ya." Eager to take the focus off of what just happened, Edward nodded to the door across the hall. "What's in there?"
Bubb opened the door. A single zombie stood in the room, its back facing him. Flies shot out of the metal frame and swarmed the zombie, devouring its rotten flesh in seconds. "It's clear. Let's take a look."
The room appeared to be an opulently decorated bedroom belonging to some noble. There were engravings on every wall and floor tile. Zumies looked around and studied one of the engravings of note.
(https://i.postimg.cc/SKDvXhTK/53-engraving.png)
"What an odd thing to have engraved in the bedroom of an elven noble..."
"Hey, thief," Meepo said excitedly to Zumies, "look over here! Some shiny chests for you. You like chests, right?"
Sure enough, in the corner of the room were a pair of chests. One was lined with gold, and the other electrum. "You're right, I do like chests." Zumies moved closer to inspect them, and quickly noticed the odd-looking mechanism around the latch. "Huh, lined with gold and electrum... oh, I see what this is." Zumies summoned his mage hand and picked up his thieves' tools with it. Zumies inserted the pick into the lock and - bzzt! - the metal lining sparked with electricity for a moment. He did the same with the second chest, which also buzzed with the setting off of a shock trap.
"Should be safe now!" Zumies opened the first chest. Like before, the chest appeared to be empty, but a shadow passed by, and then there was a stone tablet. "Again with these messages... Let's see what this one says."
15th Opal, 201, Mid-Winter
-------------
(https://i.postimg.cc/qRgpHmR2/watchingyou.jpg)
I had a horrible time sleeping last night. Unib took over Urdim's bedroom to wait in while I slept. Apparently, she needed time to finalize some documents and have me sign off on The Swift Arches' requests of us. I don't think she slept at all... in fact, she came in several times through the night to ask if I was done sleeping. What is with this girl?!
I wake up, order the miners to widen the main entrance in preparation for my defense plans, and pick up my axe to do some chopping.
(https://i.postimg.cc/6QMBSs99/craftlevel.jpg)
A bowyer's shop is created on the craft level, along with stockpiles for ammo, weapons, and armor. Meanwhile, I make use of the leather shops I had constructed below and request two full sets of leather armor to be made. I make sure to leave a few rolls of leather in case one of us becomes possessed or something.
Another thought occurs... Eventually, we're going to find that magma pipe, and when we do we're going to need power for some pumps later on. I have our miners dig up a few more levels and create a gear room near the surface. It's little more than an empty room with a hole in it for now, but I plan on creating a network of windmills pushing power down a few central axles. The first of these - a proof of concept, if you will - will be used to power a mill or two in the room next to the bowyer's shop.
Unib is still following me... Fine, I've had it. I drop my axe with a clatter, hold out my hands for the documents, and look them over. Apparently they want shields and earrings, and a few other things. I sign the documents and hand them back to her.
"It's been fun, Zon!" Unib patted her papers down on the floor to straighten them out. "Ah, if only I had more time to follow you around and watch you work. You're fascinating, you know that?"
"Um. Yeah. Well, hey, before you know it, next year will be here... you'll be back... and I'll get to lose a little more of my mind!"
Unib cocked her head, then laughed. "Oh! I thought you were serious there for a second! It seems my poor sense of humor is rubbing off on you, hoo hoo!"
"Joking. Yeah, sure. Don't get eaten by Azinnietoes, or whatever the hell you called it."
"Azinidos. You know, Zon, it's very important to give your enemy a name. It drives you to vengeance."
"Vengeance isn't always a good thing..."
"It is when it expedites the death of a dangerous animal! Don't dawdle, giant bats are no laughing matter!"
"Ah. Well... Bye."
Unib hugged me without warning. Sighing, I patted her on the back, then watched her leave. Finally she was gone. Her words, though, got me thinking. It's time to get some weapons and take out that winged rodent.
Zumies puzzled over the document. "There must be a purpose to the messages we're seeing. These aren't just random log entries... they seem to be introducing us to key people and events of our employers. But is any of it really significant?"
Space Pants sat down inside the empty box. "Nooo, of course not. It's probably just some infomercial. Next one's gonna have an order form attached to it. 'Buy our Coils, freshly Severed!'"
"Unib..." Alefgard put a finger to his chin. "Could that be the same...?"
"Guys, look." Bubb had opened the second chest, and pulled from it an odd device. A bone idol in the shape of an ankh with many threads and beads tied within the circular section, the cleric held the object with care. "I don't believe it. This is a very special idol crafted by the priests of my deity, Zokun, the god of war, death, birth, and rebirth. This is a Soulcatcher. If we take ten minutes, we can perform a ritual that will attune this device to us.
"We?" said Edward.
"Everyone gather around in a circle. Search for your heart's desire, and then say aloud the one thing you would miss the most if you were to die today. Once the ritual is complete, this idol can be used to save one of us from death. If any one of us die, our soul will be captured within this idol. I can then channel any healing spell through it to place your soul back in your body and bring you back to life."
"That sounds useful," said Alefgard. "I'd like to see my parents again... even though I'd rather not."
"I will hunt the raiders who destroyed my village," said ratNAROk, "and I won't rest until I've killed them all."
"Entertaining the masses," said Edward. "The day I can no longer put a smile on a woman's face will be a sad day indeed."
"My children and my wife," said Sergei. The fighter did not elaborate.
"My crown!" Meepo touched the platinum crown on his head.
"Personally, I'd be glad if my life were over," said Zumies. Everyone, even Space Pants, turned to look at the rogue with concern. "Everyone picks on me wherever I go for being a half-elf. I do this kind of work to get away from the world - trust only myself. Death would be a mercy."
"I would miss the voices of my brethren and my Empress," said Bubb, changing the subject. "I have not known silence since... ever. The very thought of being disconnected is... well, I'd rather not dwell on it."
"Empress? What empress?" Space Pants looked confused. "...Oh, right. Your fly queen or whatever."
"And what would you miss, Space Pants?" asked Bubb.
"I miss Cutter 1," said Space Pants.
"Try to be serious..."
Space Pants looked about to reply with another smart remark, but just then, Erky reached for the idol and grabbed it. As he did so, he locked eyes with Space Pants.
"I will not - I refuse to die, until I've seen you brought to justice."
As the gnome spoke his heart's desire, the idol flashed with a white light. The Soulcatcher sat in Bubb's hands, warm to the touch. The device was charged, loaded with the final wishes of each member of the party - and Erky, defiant, smiled for the first time since he'd been taken prisoner by the party.
8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
(https://i.postimg.cc/J0NG95jV/54-confrontation.png)
"Erky," Space Pants said, both indignant and surprised, "What are you talking about? What do you think happened?"
"What do I think-- I think you're insane!" The gnome's pent up rage boiled over. "I tried to run away because you pulled a knife on me, and you had your skeleton chase me down!"
"You watch what you say about 'Cutter.'"
"The name of the corpse you awakened from the dead was Kol Ducimokil. Out of the lot, you chose the one that wasn't even a fighter. 'Coal,' as he was called in life, was a mason. He was buried with that sword out of respect, not because he knew how to use it. 'Cutter' was the unseasoned recruit entombed next to him, and his name was Fikod Mistêmiklist. All of this information was there in that tomb for you to find, if you had any reverence at all for the lives you implicate in your schemes."
"Now you're borin' me. I don't have to take this from a killer."
"I'm not the killer. You are. I woke up from a skeleton attack, hallucinating fairies and gelatinous cubes from the mushrooms you shoved down my throat, covered in blood you said was from goblins I killed."
"That's right. We all saw it. Isn't that right, guys?"
The party stood in silence, no one speaking up to back Space Pants' claim. "I didn't see it," Meepo said eventually.
"Meepo you are a treasure therefore I refuse to be mad at you, but that doesn't help my case."
"Ah-hah!" Erky exclaimed.
"What about that kobold you killed, eh Erky? Everybody saw you kill that kobold with your bare hands, remember?"
"I killed him," Meepo said. "He was mean to Meepo's friends. And Meepo."
"Meepo you are the sweetest cinnamon roll and I would die if anything ever happened to you. Shut up."
"You want to know what I saw?" Erky bit and wouldn't let go. "I saw you cutting down women and children. For fun. While everyone else was dealing with the fighters, you specifically went out of your way to kill the innocents. And somehow, you believe you have the moral high ground with which to judge me?!" He pointed at the others. "And you all just let it happen, like it's funny to you!"
"Watch what you say about Meepo's friends," Meepo threatened. "Remember what happen to last guy who was mean to Meepo's friends?"
The cleric barbarian gnome faltered. "Y-you wouldn't. Not little Meepo, no..."
"Erky, Erky, Erky," the cat spoke in a calm tone, "You gotta understand, I had to send that skeleton after you. It was for your own protection. We didn't know what you planned to do out there on your own. I don't think you should be left alone."
Erky heaved a heavy sigh. "A party so lost such as yourselves... It's clear you need guidance. Why should it be me to guide you? Well... perhaps you have something to teach me as well... About how the world really works."
"Yeah, see, now we're seein' eye to eye." Space Pants's tail twitched. "You put your hand in the circle and made a wish with the rest of us, that means you're family now, like it or not."
"A family that slays together stays together," Edward chimed in.
Erky glowered. He counted - yep, still eight against one - and resigned himself. "What choice do I have? This is the path that Thrathdad the Morals of Authority has set me upon, and I am not one to question her wisdom. Like it or not, I am an extension of her influence in this matter, and I must accept my role. I am compelled to accompany you... but I don't have to enjoy it."
"That's what I'm talkin' about." To celebrate, Space Pants mimicked the voice of Momuz Freeman in Erky's head again. "And so, the young gnome came to accept a hard truth about himself - that he was not as innocent as he would have liked to believe. Life can be a cruel mistress, but one would do well to take her lessons to heart."
"I swear to Thrathdad if you don't knock that off..."
"This has been fun," said Sergei, "but let us continue our search. Those ghosts could come back at any moment."
Alefgard stared at the engraving Zumies had spotted earlier. "Ilre Honestlead the Portentous Vandal of Names... The name rings a bell. Born in 65, the eldest son of Thimeth Blazedcolor and Ago Tattooedrites. Like many in this region, he was kidnapped by goblins as a child, enslaved, and raised to fight for them. In 74 he was abducted from Paddlednightmares and imprisoned in Sinclosed, by 77 he took up residence in The Citadel of Dread and became a farmer. He married Ber Raspwitches the Certain Flare of Wrath in 80, in 81 he committed his first murder, and in 82 he began worshipping the demon Azstrog Swelterheat the Warm Doom. In 94, Ilre decided to become a baby-snatcher, continuing the very same cycle that created him. By the time he was murdered in 108 by Osta Worldtorments the Sinful Dale of Canyons - a childhood friend who had been abducted from Paddlednightmares in the same raid as Ilre, but settled elsewhere and eventually betrayed Ilre for clout - Ilre had abducted seven children and killed thirty-two elves, humans, and dwarves. Mostly elves."
Everyone stopped for some time. Eventually, Meepo spoke up. "Wow! You got all that from a drawing on the floor?"
"I got all that from goofing off while I should have been studying magic."
"At least you were studying something!" said Edward.
"Okay, next room." ratNAROk kicked open the door to the adjacent room. The noble's office next door was similarly opulently decorated, with engravings on every surface, a weapon rack, a mannequin, and a superior quality *chalk table* and *chalk chair*.
Meepo immediately walked over to the table and hopped up into the chair. "So this is what a baron feels like - or maybe even a dragonpriest?" The kobold adjusted the platinum crown on his head.
ratNAROk inspected the mannequin. Draped over its shoulder was a dusty, but well-crafted robe of noble quality. The purple suede was lined with bright silver seams, and filled with a thick padding. Though it made a swishing sound as it moved, the robe fit comfortably over the barbarian's body without impeding him like armor typically would. "Oh yeah... Now we're stylin'."
Zumies picked over the weapon stand, his pilfered moonstone earrings jingling as he searched for more jewels to add to his collection. On the weapon stand he found a longsword, rusted and decrepit with age, but bearing an emerald set in its pommel. Perhaps the gem could be removed, or maybe the weapon could be cleaned and sold at a higher price. The half-elf's eyes caught something else before he was finished.
"Oh, what do we have here... a wand!"
"A wand?" Alefgard got excited. "Let me see that." The wand was a straight piece of wood carved from yew. There was an engraving of a sun carved where one would place their thumb. "Ah... it's..." The wizard rubbed the back of his neck. "...A wand, alright."
"Here, give me ten minutes and I can identify it," Edward offered.
"Thanks." Alefgard handed over the wand, slightly embarassed to have his shoddy studies put on display.
Everyone gathered around in the dining room while the ritual took place - that is, except for Space Pants. The felis sorcerer had stayed in the bedroom, not moving from his place sitting in the box where the tablet had been found.
"Who does Erky think he is... I made you, kid. You'd be nothing without me. I wish Cutter were here."
ooooOOOOOooooooOOOOooo. Five minutes into the ritual, the sounds of howling spirits reverberated through the complex once again.
"Away from the walls," Alefgard warned.
"They could come from anywhere," said Bubb. "Ready yourselves."
As everyone readied an action in the dining room, Space Pants pulled the lid of the chest shut over his head in the bedroom, holding it open just a peek so he could see out.
"Please go over there, please go over there, please go over there--"
Moments later, three specters flew into the bedroom, surrounding the corpse of the zombie Bubb had slain earlier, taking up posts right next to Space Pants.
"That's alright, I already have another character drawn up." Space Pants jumped out of the chest, surprising the specters and casting Dissonant Whispers to try and cause one to flee. The specter shrugged it off, however, and all three turned on the cat.
"There they are-- now!" Bubb launched a Guiding Bolt through the doorway at the specter of Durnn, obliterating him with radiant energy. Alefgard tried Hideous Laughter, but the specter was too angry to react to it. Edward fired his shortbow, but the shot went wide and clipped the side of the doorframe.
"I can't believe I'm doing this... but even I wouldn't wish the fate of a specter on that cat. Resist!" Erky held up his symbol of Thrathdad and cast Bless, aiding Space Pants, Sergei, and ratNAROk with divine guidance.
The specters retaliated by swarming their nearest target, all three trying to rip the soul from Space Pants's body. The cat took one chilly claw to the chest, but survived - no thanks to Erky - and shut himself in the box again before the other two could hit him.
Their entrance announced, the wraith followed soon after, going straight for the body of the fallen zombie and raising it as another specter.
(https://i.postimg.cc/2SGJK5r6/55-spsurrounded.png)
"Better run, ghosts!" ratNAROk charged in, his new purple robe flowing behind him, his fur glowing, and his voice squeaking as he channeled divine furry fury. The wraith resisted the damage of his blade, but the added radiant energy did the full amount of its damage.
Bubb whispered an incantation, and a Spiritual Weapon - a longsword with giant fly wings - appeared on the other side of the wraith of the baroness and struck her with force damage. Alefgard followed up by launching an Ice Knife into the same space, which splintered and struck each specter and the wraith with ice shrapnel, but stopping short at the chest before hitting Space Pants. The baboon summoned from his Bag of Tricks screeched and lunged at a specter, though its teeth passed through nearly harmlessly.
Zumies took aim with his crossbow from the rear of the group. He hadn't had much luck with these ghosts yet, but he had yet to land a shot with the magic weapon to see if it fared any better. The bolt flew true and passed clean through the wraith - but as it did so, the bolt seemed to tear a hole through its wispy form, the magic imbued into the bolt bypassing the wraith's defenses.
The spirit of the baroness Mebzuth Logemïdath howled with fury - though she had taken radiant damage, this time she chose to stay and fight rather than flee. She commanded her specters to move before her. The first reached through the chest and grabbed Space Pants, sapping his life force until he passed out.
"Meowr!"
The second specter swooped in over ratNAROk and clawed at his head. Erky's blessing gave the mousefolk just enough of a boost to keep his soul in place, but the warrior still succumbed to its attack and fell.
"Squeak!"
Reveling in her apparent victory, the wraith flew up to Zumies, knowing exactly where the crossbow bolt came from. She reached both hands into Zumie's chest and yanked, critically damaging the rogue and taking a firm grasp of his soul.
Zumies felt his life not only slipping away, but being taken and claimed by the wrathful spirit. The words he'd spoken to the Soulcatcher rang in his ears: When asked what he would miss most if he died today, he had replied, 'It would be better if I died.' But in this moment with his mortality put to the test... did he really believe that? Either way, it was his life, and just because he didn't want it anymore, he wasn't about to let some dusty old ghost have it.
"Mine..."
Sergei's eyes grew wide. He had been standing guard to attack the specters as they came in, but none had come to him - now, three party members were down before he had taken an action. "This... this is going south very fast!" The dragonborn puffed up his chest and yelled a rallying cry. "ratNAROk, get up! Stay strong! Remember, they fear you!"
Edward followed up with a Healing Word. "You too, Zumies, on your feet!"
"He needs more than that!" Meepo ran into the fray, fearlessly approaching the wraith so he could put his hands on Zumies and cast Cure Wounds. "Come on, get up, get up! Meepo not losing any friends today."
From inside the chest came a thump. "I'm fine, thanks for asking." While inside the box, Space Pants couldn't be targeted with healing spells, since he could not be seen. The cat felt himself fading, but refused to let go. Through sheer force of will alone, Space Pants drew upon his inspiration, and critically succeeded at avoiding death. Stable and hidden in the box, Space Pants himself couldn't target the ghosts with spells since he couldn't see them - but he could target them with spells they could hear.
"What did the very famous physicist say about the dying cat that was shut in a box and left alone to see what happened?" Space Pants cast Dissonant Whispers on the specter that had struck him last. "I don't know, but it was probably something about Zumies's mother. Wait, no, that was a different guy. But you know where I was going with that."
ratNAROk and Zumies got to their feet. Being brought within an inch of their lives only made them fight harder. ratNAROk cut through a specter with his dual scimitars, and its spirit dissipated into mist. Zumies fired another shot and pierced another.
"I've got this - Fire BOLT!!" Alefgard pointed his fingers, but emphasized the incantation a bit strongly. A mote of fire shot forth, but it exploded on impact with the wraith, spraying his allies with sparks and ash. The wizard was about to apologize, but then he saw the wraith - flickering, trembling, unable to holds its form.
"I do got this - Baboon, finish it!!" At Alefgard's command, the baboon rushed in and tried to sink its teeth into the apparition. Despite the attack's overall ineffectiveness against ghosts, the wraith was on its very last ounce of strength, and the baboon's attack was the last straw that broke its back.
Mebzuth the wraith screeched, but before her spirit faded, she looked over the party one last time, and left them with a haunting premonition:
"The Barons are restless,
The Counts agree,
The Dukes demand
The King's heads three."
With that, the wraith dissipated at last. As soon as she vanished, the remaining two specters clutched their heads, then relaxed. Their rage subsided and their bond with the wraith broken, they floated up through the ceiling, passing on to their next life.
"Hoo, whee!" Space Pants popped out of his chest. "That was my favorite fight yet. Intense from start to finish. Bravo, ten out of ten, would wrestle ghosts again."
Zumies ran over and sat on the chest, stuffing Space Pants back inside. "Hah! You thought it was over?"
Space Pants cast Dissonant Whispers on Zumies through the chest. Zumies heard the voice of his mother nagging at him to get a real job until he got off. "Ow! Hey, that actually hurt!"
ratNAROk leaned over and whispered to Erky. "He is just the worst, isn't he?"
Erky glanced at Meepo, but the kobold wasn't close enough to hear what he had to say about his friends. "Right?? Seriously, what is with that guy? What does he really want?"
Alefgard overheard the whispered conversation between ratNAROk and Erky. He said nothing, but made note of it.
Meepo curled up in a corner and made himself comfortable. "Meepo out of spells. Meepo rest now! No more ghosts, right?"
"Good idea," said Bubb. "Let us rest and heal. Come, listen to my Prayer of Healing and be well." Bubb stretched its arms, and flies shot out from its metal frame in every direction. The flies landed on everyone and climbed everywhere - in people's noses, in people's ears, in people's mouths, in people's wounds, getting anywhere they can to nip away dead flesh and heal what they've eaten.
"I'll never get used to that," cringed Zumies.
"Hey, there's loot in here we didn't get to!" ratNAROk kicked open the door to the next adjacent room, revealing a resplendent dining room. In the south was a locked cabinet made of fine pewter, and to the east was a dining table and chair made of chalk.
"Ooh, a locked thingy!" Meepo eyed the cabinet with wonder. "Mr. Elf, do your thing!"
"Nah, I got this." ratNAROk smashed the cabinet open without waiting. Inside, the sound of glass breaking could be heard. "Whoops..."
"D'oh, you should've waited!"
"Nah, it's cool. Watch!" The mousefolk barbarian opened the cabinet. Inside, a vial had broken open, leaving a pulsing red liquid lying on the shelf. ratNAROk reached his head inside and lapped up the potion without bothering to find out what it was. As he drank the Potion of Vitality, he felt energized, and his zombie bite stopped throbbing. "Ah! See? Nothing to worry about, it all worked out."
Meepo stared at ratNAROk with wide-eyed wonder. "That-- that could have been anything! What if it turned you into a toad?"
"Then I guess I'd be toadNAROk!"
"...Wait, are you a mouse, or a rat?"
"That's for me to know and you to figure out, little guy!"
"But... but you're Meepo's size!"
"Nah." ratNAROk flexed. "I'm definitely bigger." ratNAROk took a closer look inside the cabinet. "Oh, hey, look! This dresser's full of clothing fit for nobility. I bet it'll fit you guys!"
"Ooh, let's have a look!" Edward rifled through the clothes, and was overjoyed at what he found. "Sweet, new drip just dropped! A new hat - and look at this nice, blue cape!"
On the inner door of the cabinet was a mirror. Alefgard looked himself over. "Ah, it has been about a month since we set out from Severedcoils, hasn't it? I suppose I should shave at our next rest."
The rest of the party dug through the clothes and found nice compliments or replacements to their look. Meanwhile, Zumies snuck over to the dining table. On it was a plate with a century-old half-eaten meal - peppered shad with a prickleberry vinaigrette , from the looks. The food was disgusting, but the dish it was served on and the silverware next to it were fine silver. He checked to see if anyone was looking, then scraped the food onto the floor and stuffed the plate into his bag.
"Wait, I never did get that wand identified," said Edward, having forgotten about the studded leather armor they'd found earlier in the commotion. "Let's try to rest, shall we?"
The party settled in for a long rest - even though it had only been an hour since their last, the ordeal with the wraith had taken its toll, so they were glad to take any opportunity for healing they could.
Edward performed the identification ritual. "Well, well! This turned out to be a Wand of Daylight. It's got 37 charges remaining."
"In a row?" Alefgard asked with a smirk.
"That could come in handy against certain undead," said Bubb. "Hold onto that."
"Better be careful with that around Meepo," said ratNAROk, nodding towards the sleeping kobold. "His kind prefer to stay out of direct sunlight."
The party set up three watches for a long rest. The first two watches were quiet. During the third watch, Meepo perked up.
"Alefgard," Meepo said to the wizard, who had shared third watch with him. "I heard something. Someone opened a door out there!"
"Yep, it's about time to get up anyway." Alefgard and Meepo roused the party, but they went undisturbed for the rest of their rest.
9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
Sergei munched on his breakfast - a +cat tallow biscuit+ from the supplies provisioned by Severedcoils - and ruminated. "We were supposed to arrive at this Citadel by the summer solstice, were we not? And we arrived a couple of days before... How many hours have we now rested?"
"What's it matter?" said Space Pants. "We're gettin' paid either way, right?"
"Not if that apple isn't here by the time we reach the bottom. Remember, the goblins will likely take the apple to the surface to sell it in town. If we don't get to the tree by then, we may be too late."
"That sounds like a 'then' problem. You gotta learn to focus on 'now' problems. Or 'last night' problems, like when I got too hot while I was sleeping."
"You stole my bedroll," complained Erky. "And I bet it's your fault I spent the night dreaming Momuz Freeman was narrating my life."
"I don't know what you're talking about. Are you obsessing over pop stars now? That might be a sign of a serial killer."
Erky just sighed and shook his head. "I'm never going to be able to watch the play The Bucket Register again."
"What about Shark Shank Redemption? That's a good one, too. I hear your favorite actor's in it."
Erky's lip twitched. "Can we just get going now?!"
"Wait a minute," Edward said with a smirk, "Alefgard, let's go find the dirty engravings. There have to be a couple around here."
Alefgard chuckled and looked at the floor. "This one's just an '8' with a bunch of equals signs after it, followed by a big 'D.'" As he was goofing off, however, a certain engraving did catch his eye, to his shock:
(https://i.postimg.cc/gkNFfrk5/56-engraving.png)
Edward caught Alefgard staring. "What is it?"
Alefgard chuckled nervously. "Uh, bro, this lady ate somebody."
"What??"
"Yeah. Ugrad Tirekissed the Mighty Healing? Totally devoured the elf Imere Beastgangs in Sinclosed in 165. And Saló Neutralwave, the elf depicted here, had both her eyes gouged out by our hellion friend here. Same story, she was snatched by goblins, taken to Sinclosed, and raised to be loyal to the goblins."
"Sucks to be her," said ratNAROk. "Goblinkind rarely live to old age. If they're not killed by some hero, they're usually killed by their own over some petty dispute."
Alefgard shrugged. "Ugrad here got lucky. Born 102, died 198 of old age. Fourteen kills to her name, never brought to justice."
The party was quiet for the moment. Meepo said, "I've lived in this area my whole life. Goblins always snatching babies, but up here in the Northwest of Buzong Xömlox, the goblin raiding has been especially bad for a very long time."
"198? That's only 14 or 15 years ago," said Edward. "This is still going on?"
"Oh, yes," Meepo nodded. "It not stopping any time soon."
"These dates are weird again," said ratNAROk. "I'm starting to think Yusdrayl lied to us about nobody coming up here for a hundred years."
"Then why's there so much untouched loot here?" questioned Alefgard.
"All the more reason to clear the goblins out of this den and get the hell out of here," said ratNAROk. "Come on, let's not waste any more time!"
The party peeked out into the hallway. All was clear. There was no sign of any movement in the hallway - at least, none that anyone noticed. Space Pants walked by the first two doors and decided to open the last one on the right first.
"Why'd you pick that door?" Alefgard asked.
"Watch and learn." Space Pants strolled into the room nonchalant.
Alefgard turned to Erky. "He doesn't really know why he picked that door. He just wants to be a tough guy."
"Hey, look, the tough guy found treasure," Space Pants called back from the now-open room. "What do you know?"
This room appeared to be another dining room, similarly decorated with rich engravings. Beside the cabinet on the north wall sat a large pet bed with the skeleton of a cheetah on it. To the south was another weapon and armor stand combo.
"Meepo check this out!" Meepo looked over the armor stand. On it he found a quiver containing five Walloping crossbow bolts.
"That's nice," said Space Pants, checking the weapon stand. "I got a stick. Anybody want it?"
Alefgard looked over. Space Pants had found a moderately nice quarterstaff. While intriguing, the wizard was more interested in what was happening with the cabinet.
Zumies picked the lock on the cabinet with ease - even though it was a difficult lock, the rogue made short work of it like it was easy. Inside the cabinet was a vial with a perfume sprayer attached. He inspected the spray bottle. On it was a label that read, 'For bad kitties.'
"Huh." Zumies shrugged, turned to Space Pants, and sprayed the bottle in his face. The cat sputtered, but then stopped what he was doing and stared at Zumies, awaiting his command.
The half-elf didn't know what to make of this at first, but as he realized what was happening, a smile crept across his face; This spray bottle functioned as though it had cast the spell Command on its target, meaning Space Pants would be compelled to obey the next word Zumies said. "Friend."
"Oh Zumies, I'm so happy you're here with us." For the next six seconds, Space Pants ingratiated himself to Zumies as he rubbed his neck up against Zumies's leg. "I don't know what we'd do without you. You're so cool - even though you're an elf, I'm real happy to know what the hell is going on, no, no, forget what I just said, Zumies you suck, your treasure sucks, your whole overall deal just sucks, have you tried not being an elf."
ratNAROk nudged Erky. "Hey. Hey, Erky. You want me to get that for you?"
The gnome nodded. "Yes. Yes, I would like that very much, please and thank you."
"Hey, Zumies, can I see that spray bottle a sec?"
"Sure, here!" Zumies tossed the spray bottle to ratNAROk. ratNAROk handed the bottle to Erky.
"Oh ho ho ho ho! Here, kitty, kitty!"
Space Pants fled out of the room, but Erky was hot on his heels. The party burst into laughter and followed them out into the hallway to see the chase - but their fun was soon interrupted, as two of the other doors in the hallway opened simultaneously.
(https://i.postimg.cc/8cnqbqQm/57-zombush.png)
=============
The zombies shambled into the hallway, attracted by the commotion of Erky chasing Space Pants with the spray bottle. The zombies coming from the north were dressed as guards, while the ones in the south were dressed as nobles. "I told them not to mess with that cat," said Alefgard to the zombies, as if it would sway them.
"These guys look like they haven't fully woken up! Let me help them with that." Edward stepped up to the southern doorway, and slammed a riff on his lute. A Thunderwave reverberated off the stone walls and through the line of zombies, pushing them back.
ratNAROk flew into a rage, slashing at the zombie in the north door with his dual scimitars. Somehow, the zombie withstood the attack, if barely, and held its position. "Rats!" ratNAROk planted his feet down and braced himself in the doorway. "Either way, none of you are getting past me!"
Alefgard shot a Firebolt over ratNAROk's head and hit the zombie to his side. Meanwhile, Meepo cast Toll the Dead on one that had already been staggered from Edward's blast. Still, the zombies shuffled forward, undeterred by pain or certain defeat.
"Grrrrr.... Rrrrggghhh!!!!" Erky built up his rage, and as he did so, he tapped into something new. Sparks of white and green light flickered over the gnome's head, growing in size, showing points as if tipped with ears. With a barbarian yell, Erky charged into the room of zombies, just as the sparks around him burst into the forms of goblin spirits, swarming around him, striking at his enemy, all the while chanting:
"You killed, You killed, You killed us!! You killed, You killed, You killed us!!"
"Oh, snap!" ratNAROk exclaimed. "Little man, you got those things under control?"
Erky didn't hear, or pretended not to. He heaved forward with his scimitar with all his might, taking the zombie down at the leg. The goblin spirits swarmed around him, making it difficult for the next to approach. "You killed, You killed, You killed us!!" The spirits seemed to take an interest in Space Pants.
Space Pants used telepathy to broadcast the voice of Momuz Freeman into Erky's mind. "Erky suddenly became aware of the way he was walking, and how stupid he looked."
The gnome turned to sneer at Space Pants. "You're next, cat!" The goblin spirits chattered angrily at the Felis.
"Deep down, Erky wanted to forgive Space Pants," the voice of Momuz Freeman continued.
"Hah! Fat chance!"
"Erky really did kill all those goblins, though."
"YOU killed! YOU killed!" The spirits grew even more agitated.
"We have DE-railed," wailed Alefgard.
"Fine, sheesh, I'll shoot something already." Space Pants shot a Chaos Bolt, which landed as a bolt of lightning on the nearest zombie.
"Next." Bubb's metal frame turned motionless as the flies launched forth and set upon one of the zombies, eating its rotten flesh. The zombie swatted some of them away, but the zombie next to it tried to do the same, inadvertently hitting its ally with its mace. Taking advantage of the distraction, Zumies squarely landed a sneak attack with his crossbow, putting that zombie to its final rest.
The zombies put up little resistance. Another round of combat later, they had all been felled. The halls were quiet.
"You hear that?" said Edward. "No moaning, no howling ghosts... I think we've cleared the floor!"
"Great! Now let's loot it!" ratNAROk rubbed his mouse paws together.
They investigated the room to the northwest first. This dusty crypt lay undefended, its ghastly inhabitants drawn out and dispatched the evening prior. On the north wall stood a chalk statue of the Baroness Mebzuth Logemïdath, wearing a crown of trifle pewter and holding a matching scepter, and on the south wall, a statue of her consort, Kib Oslanshed.
ratNAROk opened the olivine casket of Kib Oslanshed first. The skeletal remains of an elf in noble finery lay before them. On his wrist was a platinum bracelet the menaced with spikes of steel.
"Oooh! Hey, Meepo, c'mere! You like shinies, right?"
Meepo waddled over, wearing the fine robes he had already pilfered and Mended from one of the noble corpses. He straightened his +platinum crown.+ "Meepo like shinies."
"This will go great with your crown! Here you go."
ratNAROk slipped the bracelet onto Meepo's wrist. Instantly, the kobold felt a bit quicker, a little more able to dodge. "Whoo! Something special about this! Edward, can you identify this?"
"Sure, let's see what's in the other coffin first!" Edward waved over the rogue. "C'mon, Zumies!"
Zumies, with the trifle pewter crown in one hand and the scepter in the other, stashed his goods and helped Edward with the coffin. The elf's decrepit body lie adorned with a jade pendant and a large diamond in her hand. As they surveyed the goods, a shadow passed over her corpse, and suddenly, laying on top of her body was a stone tablet.
"Well," said Edward, "this should come as no surprise at this point."
"The wraith is gone though," said Zumies. "It can't be the wraith leaving these notes, right?"
20th Felsite, 207, Late Spring (by Zon Rimtarothil Afentumam)
-------------
"Sheesh, I can't take my eyes off you lot for a minute! Asob, what kind of mess did you get us into now?"
"It's not my fault! Zulban's down at the forge screaming for adamantine!"
"Ah, geez... either we deal with an insane dwarf, or a pit full of who-knows-what. Assign the champions down here. Leave the rest of the military upstairs - summer is only a few weeks away, and I'm expecting a siege. Hey, is that my dragon?"
The hammerer brushes by with Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare, the surprisingly content dragon. "Zon," Asob explains, "I know you wanted dearly to execute the goblins with the dragon, but this takes precedence. The dragon could prove to be an invaluable defense against whatever's inside."
"Oh boy... how much do you think he needs?"
"From the way he's screaming about it, I estimate that Zulban needs three adamantine wafers. Well... he has one, so I guess we need to mine out two more urists."
"Sure, two urists here, another three there, and before you know it..."
"But Zon, think about it! If he's demanding three batches of wafers, the armor he's planning has got to be pretty good! There's a really good chance he might make plate mail!!"
"And the chances we're going to find something we don't like?"
"Zon, I can't believe one such as yourself would get so worked up over this."
"Then why did you order the dragon to be restrained down here? Look at you, you're scared too! You know something's going to happen."
"Look, Zon... There are rumors, nothing more! Still, we might as well take necessary precautions--"
"Rumors?! I'll tell you the kinds of things that lie behind--..."
"...Zon?"
"Nevermind. The dragon and our champions are fit for the challenge. Besides, it looks like we got lucky and started on the outer edge. I doubt we'll break it this time. Go ahead."
Asob - and the others standing by, for that matter - stared puzzledly at me. Rigòth Åmbim, one of our fellow miners who originally made the journey with us to Severedcoils, stood warily with (Copper pick) in hand. Asob nodded.
(https://i.postimg.cc/63H8xjXX/phewamantium.jpg)
Silence. The halls did not respond to our tools on their walls as they had oh so many years ago. I heaved a deep sigh and relieved 'Other Grendus' and Urist Bardummon from their posts.
"Just get those to the crafts shops, then immediately to the smelters. Cancel all other jobs if you have to. Do not let Zulban go insane." I set an obsidian stockpile at Zulban's feet so that when the time comes, he'll have the best stone available. Then, I turn and leave with much on my mind.
This only hastens the need for my secret project... but the adamantine artifact, indeed, is the most important thing right now. Asob and I both work very hard to ensure the tedious task of strand extraction is done - it takes half the month, but it gets done. Asob herself smelts the last adamantine wafers, and no sooner does she finish than does Zulban come shoving past her - picking them up with his bare hands while they're still hot! The aroma of charred dwarf flesh fills the forges, but Zulban doesn't even seem to notice. This work will forever scar him - he's just lucky the chosen smelter was adjacent to his forge, and it was a very short distance to carry them. After getting the third batch of wafers, he shoots straight for the wood pile. Two more logs, a rough gem, and two-- alunite?! Come on, I had the haulers specifically leave you with a pile of obsidian! You want to use alunite?! Ugh... such potential, such waste.
I reassign the mining jobs I had previously ordered and wait for the secret rooms to be carved out. I try to think of a lie to tell the miners as to the purpose of these new rooms, but can't. I just simply won't explain it at all.
Summer comes... and no new counts have arrived. I catch King Minkot's eye for just a moment - imp--
... "The bottom of the tablet is broken off," said Edward.
"Is it not magical?" said Alefgard. "That shouldn't happen... not easily, anyway."
"Secret rooms?" said Space Pants. "Curious..."
Edward took some time to identify the magical items they had just found. The jade pendant, wrapped with copper wire, was of unknown origin - oddly, it felt as though it had perhaps a divine origin, but not quite... Something familiar, yet something he knew he had yet to encounter. A name started to come to him... Cura... Curel... Curalesh? He couldn't place the name, nor was he even sure if he got the correct name from the ritual. Regardless, he was able to figure out what it did; The pendant would grant the attuned wearer a certain personal magnetism, adding to their ability to persuade and to deceive, but there was a catch: A mild curse on the item made it such that if the wearer was ever caught in a lie, the lie would be broadcast mentally to all within 50 feet of the wearer, alerting everyone that this individual is not to be trusted.
"Sure, I'll take it," Zumies said with a shrug.
"You sure you're okay with that curse?" asked Edward.
"Yeah, no problem. The trick is to not get caught."
The bracelet, as it happened, was an artifact that had been created here at the Sunken Citadel. Edward was able to determine the following:
(https://i.postimg.cc/Bb89WPbr/58-daubhelped.png)
"It'll grant you some protection, and if you do get hit, once per short rest you can trigger a magic force pulse that pushes the attacker away from you."
Meepo looked at the sparkly bangle. "So I get a force push. Neat! But does it match Meepo's crown?"
"You look fit for a king," ratNAROk said proudly.
Meepo sat up stiffly. "Like a king... that's right... Meepo, a king... Hee hee..."
"I'm glad I can instigate a new obsession for Meepo," said ratNAROk.
Space Pants set Kib's corpse on fire. "Obsession? I wouldn't know anything about that."
(https://i.postimg.cc/sDKJtjbc/60-tomb.png)
Across the hall, the party checked the southeastern room that the zombie nobles came from. This bedroom, full of engravings like the others, had two chests on the south wall, a chalk chest and a -chalk chest.- Zumies used his mage hand to open these. Unlike the other chests on this floor, these were more like cabinets with a single drawer in the top. The chalk chest was empty at first, but then, as once again a shadow passed over it, another tablet appeared.
"Oh boy," said the rogue. "Story time again."
22nd Sandstone, 205, Mid-Autumn
-------------
(https://i.postimg.cc/WbLNKcRv/dodok.jpg)
Dodók Oddemmeb, Wrestler and Swordsdwarf, came hopping by on one leg on his way to bed.
"Zon! A word, please."
"What is it? I'm very busy." I tried to hobble on by, but he hopped in front of me regardless.
"I want you to take down the cage traps in the front gate. They're undwarfy, and they cost me a spectacular death in battle by the dragon Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare!"
I looked Dodók up and down. "You would do battle with Nelare with a broken left foot? You can hardly get yourself to bed. Surely, there would have been many spectacular deaths by that dragon, including the caravan from the Swift Arches. If she had killed you, we never could have tamed it, and it would be a menace even while tamed."
"Bah!! A death by the fiery breath of Nelare would have been worth it all. Don't you know anything about Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare?"
I sighed. The one god worse than Asën had to be Logem, god of history lessons and lectures. "Be right back," I said, as I left him, filled my mug with some dwarven wine, then returned. In that amount of time he had taken only two more hops toward his bed. "'K, why don't you lesson me up on this dragon?"
"Nelare Flickersizzles the Glowing Silvers is a dragon. She is one of the only ones of her kind. In year 1, she settled in Cloisterheart, where she would later come to hoard several items that she stole from the civilizations around her. She had a penchant for stealing leather earrings and bone scepters, strangely enough. Her first kill was Enina Mortalwaxes the elf with dragonfire in Worldcrabs. She then attacked Legendecho, a kobold settlement, and shortly afterward Paddlednightmares, a goblin tower. She then turned her attention back to the elves, attacking the treehome of Packedfins and killing several. Her onslaught wasn't yet over... she moved onto Sidepearl, a human village, and razed several buildings, including The Curled Keeper and The Breakfast of Scars.
"Several foolish elves and humans attempted to attack her single-handedly, none of them successful. In 149, the human Olo Riddlecloudy and the dwarf Olin Paddleshocked confronted Nelare together in Cloisterheart. Olo was struck down, but Olin escaped - but only to come back and fight the dragon again later, and though defeated again, managed to escape a second time.
"In 164, Nelare was confronted again by an elf, this one by the name of Themiyi Seizureisland. Though the elf escaped, the conflict cost Themiyi her right eye. A few years later in 170, Nelare burned a human to death in Paddlednightmares--"
"Hold up," I said. "I thought Paddlednightmares was a goblin tower? So are these the humans that have allied with the goblins?
Dodók started to look delirious, perhaps from the pain. Maybe I should offer him a seat? He continued rambling, as if not hearing me. "In 174, Nelare was attacked by three dwarves - Kivish Fellwheel, Ingish Floorwonders, and Uvash Reliccharmed. Ingish's mouth was ripped open, Uvash was struck down, and Kivish escaped unscathed. She would be attacked again later by the dwarf Stukos Basementabyss. Nelare tore off Stukos's right lower leg, yet somehow she managed to escape with her life."
"None of those dwarven names sound familiar to me, Dodók. It doesn't sound like this dragon has a history with The Swift Arches. Is this true?"
Dodók started to look faint. He then rattled off a few more facts about the dragon before passing out onto the floor.
(https://i.postimg.cc/bY2Y3NBg/nelare.jpg)
His wife, Rith Hollowseal, immediately came by to scoop him up and away to his bed.
I watched after him as he disappeared down the stairs in his wife's arms. Humans in Paddlednightmares... I'll have to ask him later when he's better to see if there's a relation between them and the ones we're seeing with the goblins.
Space Pants yawned. "Jus' skim it for the relevant bits, will ya?"
"Seems like a lot of really specific details about that dragon, Nelare," said Edward.
"Put these messages together into context," suggested Alefgard. "On its own, not that interesting. But, isn't this, like, the third or fourth time Nelare has shown up in these logs? Or more specifically, many of the logs we're finding seem to focus on Nelare."
"Nelare is the dragon worshipped by the builders of this Citadel," offered Meepo.
"The last known major dragon," added Edward. "Not counting young dragons like Calcryx, histories make note of four major dragons who terrorized the early world: Obin Flickergilt the Sizzling Diamond, the firstborn and the only male among them; The others are Nelare Flickersizzles the Glowing Silvers, Ongong Brandedgilt the Pearl of Fire, and Obasp Goldensizzles the Taxes of Jade. Of those, only Nelare lives, supposedly."
"Nelare missing for long time," Meepo said.
"We saw her," said Sergei. "At Severedcoils. There's no mistaking those eyes, that was her."
"Right there, at the gate?" asked Edward.
"Indeed. There was a row of nickel bars between the marksdwarves' nest and outside the front gate. Nelare was staring at me through a fortification there."
"How could such a dragon fit into such a small space? If it's a major dragon, it'd have to be huge, right?"
Sergei leveled his gaze. "I know for certain that I have met the great dragon Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare. That feeling came to me as I crossed the threshold of Severedcoils. I do not have an explanation beyond my own experience, but this experience I do not doubt."
Edward nodded. "No argument there... We're already dealing with timey-wimey crap. Look-- once again, this tablet was only written six years ago, not a hundred."
Space Pants had already stopped listening, and opened the other chest. The drawer was empty, save for four silver coins. "Nothin'... eh... nothing, eh... uh, no, that ain't right. There's gotta be something up with this chest. Someone else take a look, this chest is givin' me a headache."
Sergei reached into the chest and picked up the coins. Turning them over, he found nothing unusual about them - they were dated over a hundred years ago, and featured the face of a long forgotten noble, but were otherwise unremarkable. "Alefgard, do you sense anything magical?"
"Ah, I don't want to waste a spell... let me see..." Alefgard attempted to detect arcana to see if he could ascertain any magical properties without spending his own. "Yes... I see... that it is energy! In fact... everything is energy! Therefore, isn't everything magical?"
ratNAROk tsked. "Space Pants, did you let Alefgard into your catnip?"
"I tell you what, if I look and find it's not there, so help me Erky..."
"Don't make me get the spray bottle," said Erky.
Meepo inspected the chest further. He felt around for a false bottom, and then completely removed the drawer from the chest. Beneath the drawer, he found three more silver coins.
"Wait-- before we pick these up..." Taking a closer look, Meepo noticed all three coins were face-up. "Oooh... Hey, what way were those coins inside the drawer facing?"
"Uhh..." Sergei shrugged. "I... didn't get a good look."
Meepo took all seven coins and laid them out on the floor, all face up. Then, he started turning the coins over, one at a time, then two, and so on, trying different combinations of face up and down.
"What did that wraith say, again?" Zumies tried to remember. "'The Barons are restless, the Counts agree, the Dukes demand the King's heads three."
"Mmmm..." Alefgard thought about that. "Yeah, but that was in another room... and yesterday? I mean, maybe, but I get the feeling that isn't relevant to this current situation."
Meepo tried every combination with three heads. "Nope, nothing... What if we put the coins back?" Meepo put the coins back where he found them, using the impressions in the dust to find their exact place, but still, nothing happened.
Sergei lifted up the bed, but found nothing but trash underneath. The flies of Bubb searched along the walls of the room - sure enough, in the southeastern corner, they found a seam in the wall, a telltale sign of a secret door.
"Ah hah," came the buzzing of ten thousand voices as one. "I've found a seam in." A single fly broke off from the swarm and slipped its way through the crack in the wall.
"Good thinking. Alright, tell us what you see." Space Pants waited. Bubb remained silent. "Hello?" Space Pants waved his hands in front of the lifeless warforged frame. "Alright, that's it. What's going on in there?" Space Pants cast Detect Thoughts on Bubb's warforged frame, and came up empty. "Wait-- there's actually nothing in there when the flies are out?? Where the hell are you from, Bubb?"
"There's gotta be a slot somewhere, right?" ratNAROk looked all around the room for a place to put the coins, but found none.
Edward lost interest in the chest for the moment. "Speaking of coin, this sure is a lot more work than I thought I'd signed up for. I should've stuck to taverns."
"Did you end up playing that show after Jocelyn attacked us?" said Alefgard.
"Oh crap! I forgot all about that! You know what though, eff Thump."
"Hah! Yeah, that minotaur acted all tough until he saw a twig blight. How many of those have we killed in the last week?"
"I wonder if they'll have me back," Edward mused. "Maybe if I use my bardic charm..."
"Why wouldn't they? Wait... nevermind, I didn't ask. Remember Goreglugg? Whatever happened to her?"
"I dunno, we sold that sword to have the age curse removed from the both of us, then she said she had somewhere to be. It'd be nice to run into her again."
ratNAROk stood by, listening intently to their conversation, but then suddenly becoming aware that he was perhaps being unintentionally rude. "So, that chest... I wonder if there are any engravings on the ground that might clue us in?"
"Hm, good idea," Alefgard said. He began scanning the engravings on the ground - Stâsost Randomscorpions the Convent of Soaring, Shorast Lanternsprays the Playful Grotto of Bones, Båx Doomquill the Doused Craft of Murders, and other humans kidnapped by goblins and turned into elf-murdering thralls adorned the floor, against all logic. Then, his eyes lit up as he saw the engraving directly under his feet. "Well, what do you know! Check it out, Space Pants!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/qqJn3b0H/61-cutterengraving.png)
Space Pants approached the engraving. Space Pants left a small piece of bone he had kept from Cutter's remains on the engraving. Space Pants bowed his head in reverence.
Erky shook his head. "I don't believe it..."
ratNAROk blinked. "Space Pants, you know Cutter was an elf, right?"
"Yeah, I know," said the cat. "Like I've always said, the only elf I like is a dead elf."
"I've got it," said Zumies, still racking his brain over the chest. "What if we take the diamond we found in the tomb, and wrap it with the jade pendant--"
As he was saying this, a single fly popped out of the chest, illuminated by a Light spell.
"I found it," said the many voices of Bubb as the flies returned to its body. Bending down, it looked inside the chest. The fly it had sent inside the secret door had found the mechanism controlling it, and crawled into the wall following the wire inside the chest. Looking inside, Bubb could see where the fly came out - a circular pull ring, set in the roof of the chest. The three face-up coins had been positioned such that they were looking up at it. Bubb pulled on the ring, and the wall popped open.
"Finally! Loot!" ratNAROk and Sergei both ran for the door, Sergei getting inside just a bit faster - and in time to trigger the poison dart trap set in the floor inside! Fortunately, the dart passed harmlessly in front of him.
Before them in the secret closet sat two chests, one of brass and one of sterling silver. Inside the sterling silver chest was another artifact:
(https://i.postimg.cc/3Rf5bF8j/59-climacticsewers.png)
"That one's for me!" Edward said happily. The drum, it turned out, could be played during a short or long rest to help them heal a little better. "What's in the other?"
The brass chest contained six golden goblets, and - after yet another shadow passes by - one more tablet, which materialized a moment after seeing the bottom of the chest.
"Sheesh, even in here?" Edward sighed. "Alright, well, these must be important, right?"
1 Hematite 211
Asob
---
To whosoever may find this; This might be my last entry. I apologize for the melodramatics, but something terrible has happened. It is with great risk that I am recording this, as the worst is coming to pass as I speak. I must document everything I can, and then hide this journal where it can be found. Someone will need to know what happened.
---
Minkot and I were waiting anxiously in Zon's office. Neither of us knew why we had been summoned. I had a few guesses.
Over the past week, Zon has grown increasingly annoyed, particularly with us. I fear she has come to view us only as a nuisance and may be seeking to get us out of the way. It is difficult to think this way, given that Zon was once my best friend. I'm not sure what made her crack... the pressure of this mission, the fear of what lies within those glowing pits, or... dare I say it?... the allure of power that comes from controlling the lives and deaths of those around you.
We waited for nearly an hour before we finally heard her enter. I gasped. She looked awful. Her eyes are sunken, as though she hasn't slept in days. Her beard is frazzled - though I suppose that's hard to tell, considering we've all been covered in blood, mud, and vomit for over ten years - and she seemed to be arguing with herself on the way in.
"Uhm," I stammered--
"Shut up. It's summer, why aren't the marksdwarves in position?"
"Marksdwarves? What--"
"Elves, idiot! They'll be on their way. Goblins too. And hoary marmots. Keep them all out. Also migrants."
King Minkot pounded his fist on Zon's desk. "Damn you, Zon! As your king, I will not stand for this. This fort is in no shape to begin a war with the elves--"
"Coward."
"...What did you--"
"You're a coward. They're elves. They like wood. I like wood too. That's why I cut it down. I could cut all those elves down like wood."
Minkot knocked over his chair as he stood. Quickly, I leapt to my feet, sensing the situation would become dire. The desk was between Minkot and Zon already, otherwise I would have jumped between them.
"I have had enough of you treating me like a peasant!"
"Then don't dress like one."
"That's it! Zon Rimtarothil Afentumam, I hearby strip you of all rank and profession! You are no longer the ruler of this fort. You are unfit to lead, and you will soon bring death upon our heads unless I stop you now. Now, before you say one word, hand over your axe, your badge, and remove your things from this office - or so help me, I will bring the Hammerer in here, and we'll see how well you can insult me with your jaw shattered!"
Zon produced her axe, but held it firmly. "One problem, Stinkot. I'm the one with the axe. Now, do as I say and sit down, or I'll see how high you really stand over these dwarves with your legs cut off."
Minkot started to shout angrily, but I knew Zon wasn't bluffing. Without even thinking about it, I lunged over the table and grabbed her axe by the shaft, but I had failed to realize how much stronger than me she was! With almost no effort, she butted the axe into my face, toppling me over and almost taking out a tooth.
Just then, the door knocked, then opened.
"Oh! I hope I am not interrupting anything," remarked Quietust, the Philosopher.
"Not at all!" Zon spoke cheerily, even smiling as though nothing had happened. "Go ahead and have that seat over there, next to the king. Asob, are you sure you don't want to go and fetch yourself a chair? You look silly sitting on the floor like that."
If I thought I could get away with it without getting my head chopped off, I'd have probably punched her right then and there. "I'll stand," I stated through clenched teeth as I picked myself up."
"Very well. Quietust, why don't you tell them what you've found?"
"Of course! Well, during one of my daily wanderings through the mine tunnels, I came across some small bone fragments. They were near the adamantine fortifications, so I was of course concerned. I sifted through them to try and ascertain whether they belonged to a dwarf, but as I touched one, a word popped into my head!"
"A... a word?" Minkot sat back down, apparently so distracted with the story that he, too, forgot all about the ordeal.
I should have known then that something unnatural was happening, that some unseen hand was directing the events unfolding in that room. Quietust's coincidental timing, the sudden shift in attention away from the violence that had almost taken place... even I had forgotten about it at the time. It must have all been part of the sorcery that took place next...
"An ancient word, one I had read about in ancient scripts found in the Old Halls back at the mountainhome - and somehow, I had found that very text within my belongings! I do not recall taking it with me, but as luck would have it I was able to identify it. As I held the bone fragment, more words poured into my mind, and I realized soon that it was an incantation! A powerful spell that will speed up worker productivity. It will also remove detritus from the fort, making movement and daily life much easier!"
"Well! I can see nothing wrong with trusting words coming out of some old bones found mysteriously from an unidentified source next to a hole in the wall that opens up to a pit known to contain devil spawn from the very bowels of the earth." Zon clapped her hands together. "Let's see what happens!"
I should have protested. I've had a little experience with these... gifts... the demons leave, and I should have known right away that this would lead to disaster. Again, I wonder whether some sinister force was present with us, coercing us to make this mistake. Quietust began reciting words in an unnatural tongue...
"Yttap ekac, yttap ekac!
Rekab nam!
Ekam ym FPS
Sa tsaf sa uoy nac!"
A light tremor shook the floor. I blinked, and as I opened my eyes, I felt lighter. I looked down and found that, for the first time in ten years, I was clean! Pounds upon pounds of caked dirt had miraculously disappeared from my clothing. On top of that, some spare rocks that had been left laying around waiting to be dumped from Zon's office had miraculously disappeared as well.
Before we had time to celebrate, however, another quake shook the room - this one much worse, and it came with the distinct sound of a large slab of rock splashing into a pool of water.
Zon looked at me, her eyes wide open as she whimpered like a child. We both knew exactly what had happened.
(https://i.postimg.cc/zGBHKxqZ/spellmiscast.png)
Edward finished reading the tablet aloud. The party sat in silence, digesting what they had just heard.
"Uh," said ratNAROk. "Wow."
"Demons." Alefgard threw up his hands. "The adamantine, the Deified Furnace-- Armok above, there it is again, that damnable buckler is engraved on the floor, right here next to me."
(https://i.postimg.cc/1XmLL0y5/62-deifiedfurnaceagain.png)
"Impossible." Bubb looked around at the engravings - sure enough, even some of the engravings of humans killing elves were of events that happened less than 100 years ago, but standing out amongst them all was that unmistakable buckler, with its image of mountains and its image of a mountain easy to identify anywhere it was seen. By all accounts they had seen, this buckler, engraved on a floor supposedly over a hundred years old, was only constructed five years ago. "How?"
"I'm getting an idea," Alefgard said with a chill, "and it's not a good one. Now there's something even worse than a dragon that's been mentioned more than once in these logs. There's indication of supernatural activity taking place at Severedcoils. Perhaps the rumors are true - it's said that adamantine should never be mined, for reasons that remain unspeakable in public conversation. The familiar old adage, 'never dig too deep,' comes to mind."
"Would that explain why we're seeing these logs in a place that's supposedly too old to contain them?" asked Edward.
"If it's what I think it is... possibly. They could have that power."
The party stood in silence, unsure what to do with this information. The silence was interrupted by the jingling of jewelry. Space Pants, after pocketing a circlet with a sapphire inset from one of the noble zombies, handed out matching sapphire necklaces he had found on the others to Meepo, Alefgard, and Erky.
"Wh-- you're giving me this?" Erky didn't know what to say.
The voice of Momuz Freeman did. "Erky began to understand the error of his ways. A new dawn was rising for the gnome, and while he was still learning, Erky knew one thing for sure; That they didn't need Zumies or his stupid elf face anymore."
"...Heh..." Erky chuckled to himself.
Space Pants furrowed his brow. The voice didn't seem to be having the intended effect anymore. "Whatever, let's get out of this stupid hole."
9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
The party climbed back up the stairs, arriving again at the smoke-filled pillared hallway. "Hey," said Edward, "all the doors are closed. Did we do that?"
"Ah-- oh!" ratNAROk's ears perked up as he spotted a pair of kobolds, standing guard at the door to the large chamber where the goblins used to be settled. "I bet they did."
Meepo eyed the two kobolds. He strolled right up to them, seeking to walk straight past them through the door. The guards started to lower their spears, but then they saw it was Meepo - and then they saw his crown. "Oh-- Meepo, you return! Yusdrayl awaits..." Reflexively, the kobolds bowed their heads, their eyes fixed upon Meepo's silken robe and platinum accessories.
(https://i.postimg.cc/gcQHbZLs/63-koboldsettle.png)
Yusdrayl had moved fast. During their eight hours of rest and time spent exploring the noble's level, the kobolds had already moved in and commandeered the space formerly occupied by the goblins. The living quarters still reeked of goblin, but what few remains could be seen of their corpses were currently cooking by the fires. As they entered, the kobolds parted the way and bowed their heads.
"It's Meepo and the adventurers! They cleared the goblins for us!"
"Did they just clear that other level for us too? None of our scouts had returned from there..."
"They're so strong! Good thing they're on our side! Right?"
Space Pants looked around at the ingratiated kobolds. "Are we the baddies?"
"We should get skull patches for our clothes," said Alefgard.
"Skulls? Really?" Edward played along.
Confidently, Meepo strolled by towards the door in the northwest. He knew for certain that if Durnn had used that room as his base, then surely Yusdrayl would as well.
Sure enough, there upon Durnn's olivine throne sat Yusdrayl, curled up with a dead rat in her lap.
"Oh, there you are!" Yusdrayl nonchalantly sucked the brains of the rat off of a fancy silver spoon. "I was about ready to assume you dead."
ratNAROk blanched at the sight of the mangled rat. "I'm going to have to ask you to please... stop doing that."
"Why? It's quite tasty! Want some?" Yusdrayl offered a scoop of rat brains to the mousefolk.
ratNAROk growled as he tightened his grip on his scimitars. "I won't ask you again. You will stop that."
"Hah, cute." Yusdrayl stretched out lazily. "Now, then. What have you brought me?"
Bubb was taken aback. "Brought-- brought you? Did you think you were owed something?"
"Who got you into the noble's level, hmmm?"
"We did!" ratNAROk was already animated and having none of it. "We found that key ourselves! You had nothing to do with it!"
"And where did you find that key, hmmm? In the tomb of the dragonpriest, behind a door which you only got past because I allowed you, with my key!" Yusdrayl leaned forward, smiling triumphantly over the party. "Now, then. What did you bring for me?"
"Nothing," Meepo said.
"What was that?" Yusdrayl growled. "Did you say 'nothing,' Meepo?"
"I said 'nothing,'" he said again. "My friends found their stuff fair and square - we fought a terrible foe for it, and we're not giving it up."
"We, we, what is this we?" All at once, Yusdrayl snapped at Meepo. "That crown. Give it to me. Now."
"No! This Meepo's crown."
"You defy me with that crown! Look at you! All dressed like royalty like some fool. Who let you dress like that?"
"My friends do." Meepo's knees were trembling - but he'd said what he'd said, and to back down now would be suicide. "Meepo's friends work together, they share, they help each other out. None of this 'strongest first' garbage! Meepo's friends let Meepo keep things because here, Meepo important!"
"Hah! Important? You? You're lucky that damn dragon hadn't eaten you by now! I didn't expect you to last beyond your first night. Now, before I have your head on a stick and your body fed to the dragon, how about you kneel and beg forgiveness for the way you've talked to me?"
Meepo glanced to his left and right. To either side, Yusdrayl was flanked by her elite guard, four of the biggest kobolds of the clan. Their eyes were wide, clearly conflicted on their position in the debate taking place.
Edward clasped a hand on Meepo's shoulder and granted him inspiration. "C'mon, Meepo, we got your back!"
Space Pants communicated to Meepo telepathically. "Say whatever you want, and I'll hit her with Calm Emotions. You got this." Moments later, Meepo's scales lit up with an image of bright, dancing flames.
Anything I want, huh? Meepo thought about it. In the end, he decided if he was going to make a statement, here and now, it had better be a good one.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Gt8PscVv/64-yusdraylchallenge.png)
Meepo stepped up to Yusdrayl. In one swift movement, he snagged the Potion of Firebreath off his belt, chugged it, and breathed on Yusdrayl.
"NOOOOOOOOO." Flames shot from Meepo's mouth, engulfing the sorceress overlord.
"Wow, or you could do that. You got her, Meepo!" Space Pants let go of his prepared spell, choosing to let this play out.
Surprised and frazzled, Yusdrayl reached for the first spell she could think of. "Oh yeah? Burning Hands!" She arched her fingers and sprayed a cone of fire out at Meepo. He covered himself in time, turning to see the spell had collateral damage; Yusdrayl had caught both Alefgard and one of her own guards in the blast.
"Augh! Ow, hot hot hot!" Yusdrayl's elite guard yiped and whimpered, shrinking away like a wounded dog. "Yusdrayl, I'm on your side!"
Alefgard shrugged off some of the flame with his robe. "Weak. He challenged you to a duel, buddy. Easy on the collateral."
This was exactly what Meepo had wanted to happen. Drawing on his experience gained from fighting the wraith - experience he knew Yusdrayl didn't realize he had - Meepo cast Guiding Bolt. A ray of white energy shot forth from Meepo's iklwa and pierced clean through Yusdrayl, pinning her to the wall in the back of the room. With her last breath, Yusdrayl reached up and out towards Meepo's crown.
"E... Et tu, Meepo?*" With that, Yusdrayl fell limp.
"H-- holy..." One of Yusdrayl's elite bolted out of the room and into the main dwelling area. "Everyone! Yusdrayl has fallen! Meepo - the Flamebringer - has taken control of the clan!"
There was an uproar of cheering. Meepo hadn't realized how many of his tribe would be happy that Yusdrayl was gone, but kobolds young and old were gathering to show their support. Meepo was terrified of how fast things were moving - but now was not the time to show it. He knew how things worked among this tribe - despite all the cheering, he had to act fast, and assert his dominance before anybody else sought to challenge it.
"You." Meepo pointed at the guard that had been injured by Yusdrayl's flames. He beckoned the guard over, and as he stood before him, Meepo laid his hands upon him and cast Cure Wounds, fully mending his burns. "Derpe, you were once loyal to Yusdrayl. Will you be loyal to me?"
"I am loyal to the tribe," said Derpe.
"I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my second in command. Where is Yusdrayl's horde?"
"At your feet." Derpe gestured to the iron chest formerly used by Durnn.
"Bring it here."
Derpe and another of the large kobolds picked it up and carried it two feet closer to Meepo. It was clear from how they carried it that it was very heavy.
"Open it."
They opened the chest. Inside, it was filled nearly to the top with gold coins, estimating about 800g in value.
Meepo nodded, then signaled for them to close it. Meepo then turned to another guard. "Do we have any food for our human guests? I demand a feast in their honor."
"Food... for humans..." the kobold puzzled.
"I'm not picky," said Bubb. "Or human."
"We do have a cow," said the kobold guard, "but... We caught that for Calcryx... she hasn't been eating cows lately though... only kobolds..."
"Get that cow, and cook it up for my friends. Let them tell you how to cook it, don't just roast it over a fire."
"Hey Alefgard," said Edward, "Are you a whiz in the kitchen?"
"Hmm, you want some mac and cheese, or an egg sandwich? That's about what I know how to make."
"Aw, man-- the cow, really?" The kobold sighed and called out the door. "Hey! Hey, yeah-- who's watching Calcryx? Degs? Tell him-- Oh, she ate Degs? Alright, then who... Zig, right? ...No, she got Zig too? Ugh, then what about-- wait, it's Sallo's turn?? How long has he been watching her?! Man... Okay, well, if Sallo's still alive, tell him we need the cow. Ye-- yeah, for Meepo's friends... Yeah, he's gonna need help... You know what, I'll be right there, let me get that piece of wood in case she snaps again..."
"Take me to her," said Meepo. He reached into his bag for a pouch, and filled it with about 100 coins from the chest.
"Wait-- really? But you just took over. You don't want to..."
"Where is she? She's not still stuck in a cage, is she?"
"No, we put her in that guard room down south off the common room... though, now that she's there, we're afraid to let her out, since we're kinda all living here now... Yusdrayl didn't think this out very well."
(https://i.postimg.cc/rmYCmdn8/65-calcryxreunited.png)
The kobolds pushed open the door and fled. Calcryx lifted her head up. Seeing Meepo, she got up, and walked right up to him, putting her nose up against his face, puffs of cold steam shooting out from the white dragon's nostrils.
Meepo held the bag of coins out to the dragon. "Here. For your horde."
Calcryx looked at Meepo, then at the sack of gold. Then, she looked at the corpse of the half-eaten kobold next to the door. Then, to Meepo, she opened her mouth, and in a whispery hiss said, "Erky... did it..." She then hissed in what could be approximated to a laugh.
"...Wait," said ratNAROk, "what did she just say?!"
"Oh my gods," said Bubb, "the dragon wants to get in on the gag. She must have picked up on it in the short time she traveled with us."
"Oh, no," said Erky. "No, no, no, why, no."
Meepo contained his joy at hearing Calcryx's first words. He looked down, and saw the chain on Calcryx's leg. "Unchain her."
The kobolds stared at him like they'd just watched his head get chomped off. "Are you serious?!"
"Yes. Unchain her, please."
The kobolds looked at each other. Cautiously, they approached and undid the manacle over her ankle. As soon as she was free, Calcryx leapt forward, past Meepo and out into the common area. Kobolds screamed and cowered in fear as the white dragon wyrmling stood proudly over them, taking joy in watching them squirm.
"Calcryx, we go to old throne room. You can have the whole thing - keep your horde there, and have that space all to yourself to spread out. That make you happy, right?"
Calcryx smiled a toothy grin, and hissed another vicious laugh. She lead the way herself to the old throne room, uncertain kobolds following behind.
"So," said ratNAROk, "that was a huge success! Now, we gotta get down to the lower levels and find that grove. We've still got some fire breathing potions, we could make firebombs to throw down at those twig blights and skeletons and whatever else is down there..."
"Yeah, but Meepo's in charge now," said Edward. "You're not gonna want to leave... are you?"
Meepo signaled for them to keep their voice down. "Why do you think I picked a second in command already? I'm going with you! But first... Meepo have minions."
* Yes, this happened on 3/15.
=============
Meepo settled into the olivine seat. Merely an hour ago, he had slain his colony's leader, Yusdrayl, and claimed the throne through a display of might. The day before that, it was Durnn who sat here, the hobgoblin commander in charge of the goblin offensive keeping the kobolds away from the inner sanctums of their rightful stronghold. Meepo had seen it time and time again, and this time was no exception - whenever the throne changed hands, it was likely to soon change again.
The general reception of the news of Yusdrayl's fall and Meepo's ascension was positive. Many in the tribe felt overworked or underappreciated by Yusdrayl, and Meepo had become something of a local celebrity recently, being seen as the one who lead the adventurers against the goblins. His friends fed with firepit-roasted beef, Meepo acted swiftly to cement his new position.
"Derpe, my second-in-command."
"Yes, King Meepo?"
King Meepo. He liked the sound of that. "Assemble the clan leaders. I'd like to make a statement, about what direction we're headed as a tribe, and how I intend to lead us there."
The Chukujrulus tribe of kobolds was composed of four main families, or clans. Migrating north into the routed goblin territory were the Dikoloduldin and the Dibobaglobis. The Dikoloduldin were excited about change and conquest, but many were openly unhappy with Yusdrayl's working conditions. The Dibobaglobis were skittish by nature, nervous about change, and concerned with stability of the tribe. Staying in the original kobold chambers to the south were the Thaboborsnus and the Fakasralbis. The Thaboborsnus - Meepo's clan - were obedient, but secretive. They kept to themselves, and had been known to be critical of Yusdrayl's judgement but never out in the open. Lastly, the Fakasralbis were an agreeable sort, family-oriented, the peacemakers. They were usually the camp that took on menial tasks for all, such as mending and first aid.
Derpe, of the Dibobaglobis clan, turned and barked at the other three elites standing guard. "You heard him! Yolo, get the southern camps."
Yolo, a member of the Thaboborsnus family, gave Derpe a nod and headed for the door. "At once. Back in a moment."
Derpe turned to the other two guards. "Quizno--"
"He's Quizno, I'm Subwo." The two brothers of the Dikoloduldin clan stood pointing at one another.
"Either one, go and get the leaders of the north camps."
Before they left, Space Pants reached out to read the surface thoughts of Quizno. "Wow," the kobold thought, "how exciting! It's about time things changed around here - and for it to be Meepo, of all people! Nobody expected him to survive being the Keeper of Dragons. Well, whatever he does, he'd better not think about splitting me up from my brother Subwo." Space Pants kept that information to himself as he watched the two kobold elites go.
ratNAROk looked around. "There's gotta be a Qudobwo around here, right?"
"And a Blimpwo," said Edward.
"Sheetzwo," suggested Alefgard.
"McDobodowo," said ratNAROk.
"Flying J-wo," said Alefgard.
"Wawawo?" tried Bubb.
(https://i.postimg.cc/CxmBnq6K/66-gathering.png)
Minutes later, before him stood the leaders of the four families; Twixo of Dikoloduldin, Bofa of Dibobaglobis, Magre of Thaboborsnus, and Varn of Fakasralbis.
"Hey Varn," Alefgard whispered to ratNAROk, "it's me, Ernest."
"White Caswo," whispered back ratNAROk.
"Nutrageo," Alefgard could keep going.
"Meepo!" Magre, the leader of Meepo's clan, and a master thief in charge of the tribe's treasure hunters, was first to speak. "This is quite an unexpected surprise. I am pleased to see one of our own in command - but never would I have suspected that leader to be the Keeper of Dragons. Congratulations are in order."
Magre wore a cloth mask over his face, but Meepo caught the look in his eye. Even though they were family, Magre was one to maintain that some of his family were closer than others - and being kept mostly on the outside watching Calcryx with little expectation to survive, Meepo was not one with whom Magre had shared much affection. From what he knew, and from the look in the kobold thief's eye, it was easy to assume Magre was happy to see a change in leadership, but he wasn't sure if Meepo was who he wanted instead.
"Thank you all for coming," Meepo started. His knees were shaking beneath his noble's robes, and he hoped the family leaders wouldn't notice. "I want you to know I've heard how everyone feels about the way things were, and while we're going to make some changes, the stability of the tribe remains most important. I want everyone to know we're not going to have to work as hard, but we're still going to grow."
Bofa wringed his hands while smiling and nodding. "Stability, yes! No need to shake things up!"
Twixo spoke up. "We're happy to see you in charge! In couple days you take these outsiders to goblin town and clean them out! But, what about other goblins? Surely, they will launch a counter-attack. How you plan to defend against that?"
"Hah!" Edward laughed. "You saw what he did to Yusdrayl, right? You should've seen him take on a wraith!"
ratNAROk cheered. "Yeah! I bet you had no idea little Meepo could kill a ghost! If those goblins knew better, they'd be packing their things to leave right now."
Meepo would have blushed, if kobolds could blush - and if he weren't sitting on a throne trying to look majestic and under control. "I plan on taking the fight to them! My friends here aren't done with those goblins yet. We're gonna push forward, clean them all out, and then the whole Chukujrulus tribe will have the entire citadel to spread out and settle."
"Clean them out!" Varn got excited. "We won't have to fight for our place anymore! We could grow our numbers in peace!"
"All very promising." Magre looked Meepo up and down. "But do you have what it takes to lead? These adventurers don't intend to stay, do they? A few days ago, you were scraping dragon dung from the floors. What strength will you have when they leave? Can you stand on your own and command the tribe without them?"
Meepo withdrew a pouch from his belt, and dumped its contents onto the floor. Fifteen goblin ears and five hobgoblin ears smacked against the cold stone floor. "If anybody doubts me, they're welcome to come and see for themselves. As for my friends, they are welcome to stay for as long as they wish and are to be treated with respect."
Space Pants glared at Magre, fixating his gaze intensely upon him. Following this, the kobold spoke. "I... yes, I see. I am sorry to cast aspersions upon your leadership. Your allies are guests here, and shall be treated with hospitality."
"Good. So, I have your support?"
"Yessss..." Magre narrowed his eyes, wondering why he had said that, and slinked out of the room behind the other leaders.
Space Pants turned to Meepo. "I don't like his tone." Then, bored, the cat set his eyes upon Erky, standing in the corner and trying to stay out of this.
"Erky went into a rage." The voice of Momuz Freeman entered Erky's thoughts again.
"Nope."
"Erky went into a rage."
Erky shook his head.
"Erky went into a rage."
Tormented by the incessant telepathic voice in his head, Erky closed his eyes and took three deep breaths.
"Erky went into a rage."
Erky shook his head, and waggled his finger at Space Pants.
"Erky farted, and hoped no one would notice."
"I did not!" Erky shouted aloud, to nobody who was audibly talking to him. Sergei backed away from the gnome reflexively.
The kobold elites were startled by the outburst too. Meepo leaned over and whispered something to Derpe. The kobold nodded, then fell back in place.
A single fly slipped away from Bubb and flew down the well. "Were there not goblin prisoners? I recall being forbidden from entering a certain room earlier. Let's interrogate someone."
Quizno snapped to attention. "Yes! Those were the hostages we had captured earlier. We were saving them for a hostage exchange. We also have new prisoners - many of the commoners who tried to escape fell into our traps."
"Bring me some of the new prisoners." Meepo tapped the butt of his yklwa on the ground. Quizno left, and soon returned with three goblin commoners in tow, one small enough to be a child. "Just one. Keep the others there. And shut the door."
The goblin was ushered forward towards the center of the room. The party closed in around him, as Bubb leaned over him. "Tell us what you know. What defenses have the goblins set before us?"
Space Pants translated, having taken up learning to speak goblin for a lark. The goblin stared at them all with malice, but knew he was in no position to argue. "Down that well is the twig blight garden. There's a massive one, called an Elder Twig Blight, that's been cultivated by skeletal gardeners. Balsag the bugbear commands the forces on this front and has likely prepared for your assault."
"Balsag??" Alefgard laughed.
"He swears he got that name out of the book."
"I think that's with one L, said Edward."
"Ouch. Poor guy."
"Is this Balsag the one in charge?" Space Pants asked.
"No, he's a lieutenant. Grenl is our clan's leader, but Belak, the druid of the grove, provides for us and lets us stay here, so we do what he says."
"He's not lying," said Bubb. "There is indeed a large twig blight down there, and the goblins are prepared. There are six-- well, was, now five archers posted up behind barrels. A couple of kobold zombies too, it seems."
"Kobold zombies??" Meepo exclaimed.
"You saw all that with a fly, didn't you?" ratNAROk noted.
Bubb grabbed the goblin by his collar and lifted him up over the edge of the well.
"Wait! Wait! I told you what you wanted to know!"
"Thank you." Bubb dropped the goblin. His cries echoed up the well as he fell, growing fainter, until ending with a sickening thud on the soft dirt below.
"Quizno, take the others back to their cell. Let them think about what happened here." Meepo directed, and the elite guard complied. The door opened only briefly, but in that short window, the horrified look on the other two goblins' faces was plain to see.
"Okay, me next!" ratNAROk channeled his fighting fury, entered a rage, and leapt into the well, falling the entire eighty feet down and landing on top of a zombie, who had wandered over to eat the recently dropped goblin.
"Oh," said Meepo. "Okay, I guess we're doing it this way then." Meepo picked over Yusdrayl's belongings, set aside for him after her corpse was removed. Beside the throne were her spell focus - a stone rod set with an amethyst on its head - and the sacrificial dagger they had found in the dragonpriest's tomb. Meepo took the dagger and gave it a closer inspection - masterwork quality, and silvered, too. A perfect symbol of Meepo's new station. He pried the amethyst out of Yusdrayl's spell focus and handed it to Derpe. "Here, you're in charge while I'm gone. Let's go!"
I just need to take a moment to mention that ratNAROk actually paid a Morgan Freeman sound-alike to voice a bunch of lines so he could play them on a sound board at Space Pants's command. The lengths these guys have gone to troll this poor NPC are staggering indeed.
=============
Ten goblin bodies - between them, five short bows and four short swords - were currently serving as fresh fertilizer for the blight garden, or at least they would be if all the blights weren't dead as well. The battle won, the party went at ease, basking in the violet, fluorescent light emanating from the fungus all around them.
As Bubb's flies picked over the bodies, the cleric searched the goblins, collected all the coins they were carrying, and divided them up. "Here. 9 gold and some change for everybody."
"Kinda cheap for taking down such a big guy, isn't it?" said Edward.
"What about that?" Sergei pointed at the mass of branches and vines that was the elder twig blight. "Something must have created such a large mass. Surely there must be a device of some sort to find."
"Good idea," said Alefgard. "Let's all take a few minutes to search it thoroughly."
(https://i.postimg.cc/43K4qQ9t/72-badpercep.png)
After five minutes of picking through the tangle, no one was able to turn up anything of value.
"Bummer," said ratNAROk. "Well, you know what that means! We gotta kill some more goblins and try our luck again." The barbarian failed the notice the twitch of a goblin's finger near his feet.
At this point, four kobolds climbed down the vines of the well shaft equipped with daggers and slings - Snicko, Toblero, Butterfingo, and Shibe.
Butterfingo stepped forward. "King Meepo! We heard fighting, and we came to see whether you were safe! We are at your command."
"What are you doing?" Meepo exclaimed. "I told you to stay up top! It's too dangerous here!"
"But... but we want to fight in your glory!"
"Go stay up top and keep the others safe. I've got this. We've got this."
Dejected, the kobolds turned around and climbed back up the vines, muttering as they went.
Before them stood three paths - there was a rough passage visible towards the north, a closed door to the south, and the open doorway the goblins had come from to the east. The party quieted down so they could listen for a clue.
"...I hear something," said Erky.
"Erky was beginning to like Space Pants, after all," the voice of Momuz Freeman answered in his head.
"Don't make me get the spray bottle, cat! Seriously, though, I think I hear kobolds whimpering through that open door."
"Kobolds?" Meepo turned with purpose. Without waiting for the rest of the party, Meepo walked through the door. The next room featured two rows of dragon-carved pillars, much like rooms they had seen before, with three doors on either side of the hall. Luminescent fungus covered the pillars and walls, and the cracked cobblestone floor was covered in black and brown stains. Tables lined the walls, covered with mortars and pestles, tools, mushroom stalks, and plant specimens. He already knew what else he was about to find.
(https://i.postimg.cc/tCbtJtVb/69-hostages.png)
Hostages. He recognized these ones, too - Larro, Curlo, and Mo. Long had the Chukujrulus tribe been at war with the goblins, so much that the practice of capturing and trading hostages in exchange for brief truces had become commonplace. We had four before, and I don't know how many they captured as they were fleeing. I have no clue how many of us they might have, but I think we've got more than they do.
One of the goblins spoke. "Stop! Surrender now, or we kill 'em!"
Space Pants peeked through the door to get eyes on the goblins. Seeing Zumies getting ready to sneak in, he cast Invisibility on the rogue. Then, he sent a telepathic message to Meepo. "When it happens, untie your friends."
Both invisible and wearing Boots of Elven Kind, the rogue was as inconspicuous as the wind. Zumies slipped into the room, sneaking between a pillar and a kobold to get around it. He bumped into the kobold, but it kept its cool, realizing it was being helped and staying still to keep the goblin holding it from becoming aware.
At that point, with no warning or visible act of spell casting, a glowing crown of thorns appeared over the head of the goblin who had spoke to them first. With a crazed look in his eye, he looked at the nearest targets - two of the kobolds, and the goblin next to him - and chose one at random. The goblin cut down the kobold standing in the center.
"No, not him!" Space Pants cried out. "That's not who I wanted you to-- damn, I'm gonna have to be more specific next time."
The goblins looked over - they didn't know who cast the spell, but the glowing effects of the spell made it obvious the goblin was under something's control.
"They're attacking! Now!!"
All at once, four of the six doors in the hall burst open, with Meepo standing alone in the center.
"Raughh!!" A bellowing roar came from Meepo's north. With blinding speed, a bugbear - a ferocious, hairy beast, wearing hide armor, an iron codpiece held up by a chain, and wielding a nasty spiked morningstar - burst through the door and rounded the pillar, swinging his morningstar at Meepo in the same movement. The surprise attack clocked the kobold across the jaw, knocking teeth loose.
"That's him-- Balsag!" Alefgard called out.
"He swears he got that name out of the book," reminded Edward.
A pack of giant rats, apparently tamed by the bugbear, swarmed out and circled around Balsag and Meepo. Numerous goblins came pouring out of the warrens as well.
"It's show time, boys!" Sergei moved ahead and threw a dagger, but it was narrowly deflected by a goblin's shield. "Don't back down, Meepo! We're right behind you!" Sergei shouted a Rallying Cry at his kobold ally.
Edward studied the bugbear a moment, and then grinned. He grabbed his lute and began strumming - starting with low notes, strumming rapidly and reaching higher notes, Balsag's iron codpiece began to get hotter, and hotter, and hotter.
"Ow-- OW!!" Balsag danced back and forth, searing pain assaulting his namesake. Meepo took advantage of the distraction and placed both hands on the bugbear's chest, Inflicting Wounds and causing serious necrotic damage.
Careful so as not to remove his invisibility, Zumies withdrew a dagger and carefully started cutting at the kobold's restraints. He was able to loosen it enough that the kobold's hands were probably free, but still looked to be tied up.
"The jig is up - cut them down!"
Just as Zumies had begun to free a kobold, the goblins decided they had no further use for them. The goblins stabbed them in their backs, and they fell to the ground, lifeless. Zumies, still invisible, backed against a wall and swore to make the goblins pay for this. Now, he just needed to wait for the right moment. Three lives for the three they took. Let's go.
Bubb raised its hands, and a buzzing sound filled the air. In the middle of the battlefield, a Spiritual Weapon -a spectral sword with giant fly wings - appeared and started swinging at the goblins. ratNAROk charged in and put pressure to the goblins as well.
"Baboon, get in there!" Alefgard directed.
The baboon - who had been summoned from Alefgard's bag of tricks a day ago - ran into the room, its teeth bared, screeching as it found a target - and then, as it neared, its body faded and disappeared.
"Ah... oh. Darn. I didn't even ask its name."
(https://i.postimg.cc/tCFd6FvX/68-baboon-byebye.png)
Image provided by Alefgard
Balsag squirmed his way out of the searing hot codpiece. Exposed and winded from the targeted attacks on him, he leapt away, dodging a slash from Meepo's sacrificial dagger as he ducked behind a pillar and reached for a vial on his belt.
"Not so fast!" Meepo rushed forward, before Balsag's giant rats could move in to cover him, and launched a Guiding Bolt at the bugbear before he could drink his healing potion. The bolt pierced his hand, his torso, and his other hand, and then Balsag fell over, dead.
The giant rats screeched in rage, and swarmed all around Meepo, seeking revenge for their fallen master. The goblins, shaken after watching their lieutenant killed, moved in as well, surrounding Meepo on all sides between two pillars.
"Rats! Get away from him, you mangy vermin!" Sergei stepped up to the door where the rats and Balsag had come from, and cut into the nearest rat. He looked around - the other rats were already out, moving too fast for him to get a good look at them. He could see two more goblins still in the room, waiting for space to come out. "I'll hold them off here!"
"Don't worry, Meepo, we've got you!" Edward shouted a Healing Word at the kobold, just in time. Scimitars slashed, teeth gnashed, and Meepo took flanking assaults from all angles. He dodged about half, surviving but cut up badly. Just as he thought it was over, he turned and saw the last rat, different from the others. Apparently overlooked in the midst of the fight, one of the rats was much smaller than the others - not a runt, but gaunt, skin clinging to its ribs, one eye bulging from its head, oozing pus down its cheek.
"Uh oh."
The diseased rat lunged and, with Meepo surrounded, found an easy spot to sink its teeth in. Meepo yelped, feeling the burn of infection immediately.
With the goblins and rats all focused on Meepo, Zumies brandished his daggers and stepped out of hiding.
"Now."
A flash of steel, and one goblin was dead. Zumies pulled the knife from its back and, before any could react, snuck behind another who had climbed on top of one of the tables and sliced an artery in its thigh. He then slipped back into the shadows, moving towards the back of the room where the enemy wasn't looking. Two down. One more to avenge all three.
Space Pants mocked the goblins. "You should give up! We killed your leader, we trashed your home, and we're not stopping there. Throw down your weapons and we might let you live."
The goblins looked at each other, then at Balsag's body. One by one, they started to lower or drop their weapons.
"Faster." Bubb directed its Spiritual Weapon to strike down one of the goblins who hadn't yet let go of its sword.
"They're not stopping!" One of the goblins shouted. "All for themselves!"
The goblins snatched up their weapons and rushed in, insulted by the ruse. Erky put himself between a goblin and Alefgard and blocked a strike from a scimitar with his own. ratNAROk laughed as he laid into more goblins, his silvered greataxe gleaming as it sprayed blood where he swung it.
"Fair enough." Bubb grabbed the nearest goblin by its throat, picked it up, and channeled energy into a more powerful Inflict Wounds. The goblin rotted to death as it struggled in Bubb's grasp. First its left arm fell off, then its right, then its jaw as it opened its mouth to scream.
Another goblin retaliated, striking at Bubb with his scimitar. "Wow, you fight dirtier than we do! Too bad you're gonna die here!"
Edward heard a noise behind him. Just in time, he'd turned around to see a zombie - one of the goblins they'd killed in the previous room, coming through the door behind them where they came from. "Crap! Where did you come from?" Edward stuck the zombie with his rapier, but it wasn't quite enough to bring it down. He turned his head and shouted another Healing Word at Meepo. "Hang in there, we're right behind you!"
Meepo caught his breath. There were six combatants on him, and a pillar on either side - nowhere to run, hopeless to fight them all. He knew he wouldn't survive another round like this. He glanced down at his sacrificial dagger - taken from a dragonpriest, gifted to his clan leader, and then taken back from her when he took her place. The silvered blade was polished to perfection, and for a moment, he saw his reflection in it. To come so far, for it to end like this...
Then, he had an idea. A small, silver mirror... That's it!
Meepo held the dagger in both hands and plunged it into the ground, through a crack in the cobblestone floor. A brilliant light surrounded him, casting a Sanctuary to protect him from further assault.
The rats, still furious about losing their master, refused to comprehend what was happening, and each attempted to bite Meepo through the protective field.
(https://i.postimg.cc/1XZWVFV2/73-222.png)
With impeccable timing, all three giant rats happened to strike the field at the exact same time, failing impressively.
"Wow, what are the odds of that?" said Alefgard.
Zumies shot a crossbow bolt through the skull of a goblin that wasn't looking. Glancing around, he saw one of the archers panicking and heading towards the north door on the far side of the room. He moved ahead, slipping behind a pillar with his daggers drawn, and waited for the goblin to reach the door. With its back turned to Zumies, it hesitated when it reached the door to open it - Zumies took his attack of opportunity then, given a moment it had to pause before getting away, and killed it before it could open the door and call for reinforcements. That's four. Keep 'em coming.
In the room Sergei was blocking, one of the goblins had opened and rummaged through a chest inside, while the other attacked Sergei through the door. Finding something useful, it shouted something in goblin. Its partner disengaged and stepped back, and the other goblin stepped forward holding a scimitar in one hand, and a bucker in the other, forged of nickel silver and featuring a large spike on the front. It slashed with the scimitar, and then made a punching attack with the pointed buckler, catching the dragonborn off guard with a poke to the ribs.
"Oof! They're getting desperate." Sergei glanced around, and nearly did a double-take. "ratNAROk! You're covered in blood - and most of it's you're own! Tell us when you need healing!"
"I'm fine, I'm fine!" ratNAROk ignored his wounds and continued to attack recklessly.
"You'd better stay on your feet, mouse!" Edward used another Healing Word to keep him in the fight.
Space Pants held Nightcaller in his hands. It had been twelve hours since he had last used it, meaning it would be another twelve before the artifact's magic returned. "Man, where's Cutter when I need him?" Space Pants blew the whistle anyway, blatantly disregarding the rules of the item.
Somewhere, something smiled. The corpse of one of the slain giant rats rose as a skeletal rat. As its bones slid from its skin and stood on their own, it began attacking its fellows. Space Pants blinked. He tried to identify what had happened, but was at a total loss. All he knew was that that shouldn't have worked - and it felt like something might have helped him.
"Huh... I'm sure that will have absolutely no repercussions down the line."
Frightened by the sight of the skeletal rat, the goblins turned and focused their attention on it. It landed a good bite or two, but was not as hearty as the other skeletons the device had risen, given the item was only half-way charged.
"And, that's it. Cutter 4 is down. Great. Wonderful. Fantastic job. Who am I kidding? Nobody will ever beat the original. Hey Erky, remember when Cutter 1 dragged you back to us?"
Erky cast Cure Wounds on ratNAROk - but just then, a goblin leapt on top of a table next to him and caught his ear with a scimitar. "Yargh!! I'm kinda busy here, cat!"
"Wait... Durnn was 2, who was Cutter 3?" said Edward.
Space Pants pointed at Bubb. "Him, and he still ain't doing what I tell him! Nobody follows orders like Cutter Classic did."
Alefgard cast Thunderclap to knock down the zombie that was sneaking up behind them. "Any more?"
Edward peeked his head through the door. "I don't see any. There were kobold zombies down here too, right?"
"Yeah, but what's raising them? We didn't leave anybody back there, did we?"
The rats continued striking at Meepo's sanctuary, and even a couple of goblins tried to get through - one did, but failed to connect with its scimitar. The battle raged on, the party still trying to carve a path to Meepo while the kobold held the center of the room with his magic. In the wake of their leader having fallen, the goblins were determined to finish this fight, one way or another.
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZRzJmgB6/70-gobfight.png)
=============
Meepo had a sudden flash of insight - somehow, by some malfunction of the cosmos, the kobold was briefly able to see the entirety of the dungeon. "Ack! Forbidden knowledge! Meepo not supposed to see!" The kobold shook off the vision and returned his focus to the fight, doing his best to delete the illicit map image from memory. Perhaps it was a side effect of the rat bite?
"Embrace it, dragon-kin," said Alefgard. "The heavens are in turmoil. Heaven Baboon has departed from this realm, and yet is currently sharing with me vision of the empty space beyond that wall over there."
"Uh-oh, somebody done goofed!" ratNAROk laughed at their strange fortune. "Mods are asleep, post flumphs!"
Tasting blood and thirsting for more, Zumies snuck up behind the last goblin archer, aimed his crossbow, and fired. The bolt whizzed by the goblin's ear, just enough to blow the wind by it. Zumies hid behind the pillar before the goblin could turn, lying in wait for his next moment to strike.
Space Pants took a beat and assessed the situation, trying to identify the weakest target. He recalled the sickly looking rat - the one that had bitten Meepo - being little more than skin and bones, likely able to be felled in one hit. On second thought, the cat considered, that goblin that just came out the door with the buckler is gonna get another whack at Sergei - and Sergei's standin' between me and it. And there's another standin' next to him, so double the fun. Space Pants conjured a globule of acid in his hands and lobbed it at the goblins in the northern doorway, melting the closest into a puddle of steaming goo. Bubb's flies buzzed excitedly at the sound of sizzling skin.
Erky missed the goblin standing on the table before him, and braced for a counterattack. The goblin's scimitar slashed down upon his head, cutting his brow and streaming blood into his eyes. Erky cried out. "Gah! Guys, I'm not doing so good!"
"Too bad you're not a cleric!" Space Pants called out. "Oh, wait! Erky, I have great news!"
"I swear to Thrathdad, cat! If I go down, that's one less healer to keep you alive!"
"That's what I was gonna say, Erky! You're never gonna believe this, but... you're a cleric! You can heal yourself!"
The goblins surrounded Meepo, filling in space between the rats to cut off his escape. Mustering its will, one of the goblins took its scimitar in both hands and charged through Meepo's sanctuary, landing a solid hit through the protective spell!
Bubb sat down in the pile of bodies it was currently standing on top of, and a swarm of flies lunged out from its metal frame. The flies latched onto and devoured the nearest giant rat, picking it clean where it stood. ratNAROk pushed past Bubb and cut down the goblin that had got in front of Sergei. "Hah! Who's next?"
Alefgard stepped behind Erky and threw a firebolt at the goblin on the table. The bolt hit, but only singed its ear. "Yikes... Welp, that's my turn!" The wizard ducked away behind the wall out of sight.
"Oooh, oooh. Don't worry," Heaven Baboon spoke to Alefgard from beyond. "When in doubt, always look for banana." Alefgard nodded sagely. He wondered what deep wisdom the baboon spirit must have been offering. Perhaps it was just hungry.
Edward and Alefgard heard a moan behind them. Turning, they found another zombie, risen from the corpse of another goblin they had killed earlier. The zombie slammed Alefgard with a fist, then it reached out, ready to grab him. Edward reacted first, turning to poke the goblin with his rapier through its eye. The zombie went down, but Edward looked a bit winded.
Alefgard asked his friend, "You alright there, chief?"
Edward was struggling with the weight of the shield he had found earlier. "Yeah, just... getting the hang of this!"
"You're not proficient with that, are you?"
The bard sighed. "No, not really. I have to drop it every time I want to cast a spell."
"Scoop up that buckler off that goblin when we're done with this fight, that looks more your size."
Edward stepped back into the garden area they had been in before and scanned the room for signs of movement. There didn't appear to be any other zombies at the moment, but perhaps if he watched from here, he could try and figure out why the bodies were rising.
Despite being the smallest and weakest of the pack, the diseased rat was the only one of Balsag's pets left. Still enraged at the demise of its master, it was determined to fight Meepo to the death - but it bounced harmlessly off the side of the kobold's Sanctuary shield, failing to grasp the magic keeping it at bay.
Zumies remained under the cover of shadows. Seeking to prevent further escape attempts, Zumies put his tinderbox in his Mage Hand - which was a bit more agile than a typical wizard's Mage Hand, on account of his roguish legerdemain - and floated it over to the corpse of the goblin he'd left in front of the door on the East side of the room to set it on fire. "That's one way to make sure these bodies don't come back as zombies... I'm not one for the stench, though."
"I am!" said Bubb.
Space Pants, to the bewilderment of everybody, screamed, "Don't worry, Erky, I'll help you!"
"I already don't like where this is going," the worried gnome replied.
The felis was about to cast Fire Bolt on the goblin standing on the table in front of Erky, but then got an idea. Instead, he tried to strike the leg of the table, seeking to set it on fire, if not topple it. The shot missed, buzzing just a little close to Erky's ear as it went by - just close enough to let him know it was there.
"Hey! Watch it, cat! I really can't afford to be screwing around right now!"
"Another satisfied customer," Space Pants said with a nod. With a wink, he sent a quick little telepathic jab at Erky, sending the voice of Momuz Freeman to say, "Erky healed himself, a selfish act as he watched his allies falling in battle before him."
Erky snorted. "Allies, huh? That's a good one." The gnomish acolyte-turned-barbarian parried around the goblin's sword, patting himself with a Cure Wounds as he did so to patch himself up.
The remaining goblins, sensing they were beat, started to fall back. The first tried to take a swing at Meepo, but again could not get around his sanctuary. It then nimbly escaped away towards the door to the East, but in doing so, ran by the lurking rogue without spotting him. Zumies lunged like a waiting trap spider, taking full advantage of his Sneak Attack since he hadn't used it earlier, and assassinating the goblin before it ever had a chance to see what hit it.
The second goblin took a shot at Space Pants with its short bow, but Sergei blocked its vision with his shield to grant Protection, causing the shot to fall wide. It, too, nimbly disengaged and ran away, but struggled to get over the table between the wall and the pillar. Bubb's Spiritual Weapon, currently a giant sword with fly wings, swooped over as it was clambering up the table and killed it.
"Hm..." Bubb considered. "Not glorious enough. For the next one, I'll try something more direct. Such as... just one big giant fly. This would be more pleasing." The cleric then turned its attention to the remaining goblin in front of Erky. Flying out of its metal frame, the swarm engulfed the goblin and began nipping at its flesh.
Alefgard peeked out around the corner, spotting the goblin bearing down on Erky. "Don't worry, Erky, I gotcha." The wizard pointed his finger at the goblin to cast a Fire Bolt - but in the heat of the moment, his finger slipped and he used the wrong gesture, causing the bolt to shoot out as a jet of flame instead! The flames engulfed Erky, roasting his back and burning off the hair on the back of his head.
"Yeowch!!" Erky leapt up in surprise, reaching around to try and pat out the flames. "Seriously, you too, Alefgard?! I was starting to think you were one of the good ones!"
Alefgard shrunk back, sucking in his breath. "Ooooohh... yeah, that wasn't supposed to... Uh, two for flinching!" Alefgard slinked back behind the wall, mentally reciting the gesture in his head over and over to remind himself of the mistake. Heaven Baboon shook its head and considered how to explain this deed on the records.
Meepo spun around, seeing Erky in trouble, and cast Toll the Dead on the goblin on the table. Its brains leaked out of its ears as it fell to the ground, which the flies immediately set to lapping up. Glancing about, it seemed there were no other targets left posing an immediate threat.
"Sergei, get in here!" Edward called the dragonborn into the twig blight garden room. "We gotta figure out why these zombies are rising."
Sergei wiped goblin blood off his blade and headed into the previous room. He looked around at the bodies of the goblins they had slain before, lying among the chopped vines and the ashes of the twig blights. Fixing his eyes upon a corpse, Sergei noticed a twitch of a finger. Then, another, on a different body.
"There. The corpses... they're moving."
"Huh..." Edward studied the room. Though he was not a student of magic like his friend Alefgard, he'd gathered enough through his own experience and hearsay to identify the magical energies at work. "There's necromancy at work here, for sure. It's coming through the dirt."
"The dirt..." Alefgard placed a finger on his chin. "Makes some sense. We've heard Belak is a druid, no? Perhaps we're safe on these cobblestone floors." The wizard furrowed his brow. "...Druids aren't typically necromancers, though. Hm, what was the legend surrounding the apple we're tasked with finding?"
"Oh, Meepo know!" The kobold spoke up. "Each summer solstice, the goblins take a fruit from the Gulthias Tree within, and sell it to the town of Oakhurst up above. The apple is said to have incredible healing powers, but only one grows per summer solstice. I've heard there's a white one that grows in the winter, too, but I don't know what they do with that one."
"Gulthias! Of course!" Alefgard snapped to attention. "Why didn't I pick up on that sooner? I recognize that name... Long ago, there was a vampire named Gulthias who commanded territory like it was his barony."
"A vampire??" Edward was alarmed.
"Yes, but I know of no connection between that vampire, and a tree at the bottom of a dungeon. It could be a coincidence. It's been so long since anybody's heard of him too, I'm not even sure he's around anymore."
"Well, it's not a stretch to suggest that a vampire might be responsible for raising zombies. Let's keep our wits about us."
Space Pants walked over, looked down at the pair of goblin corpses stacked in the doorway to the garden, and said, "Yeah, I'll stop 'em." The felis shot a Fire Bolt at the bodies and started a fire in the doorway.
"Hey!" Edward, still in the garden room with Sergei and Alefgard, turned with a start. "We're still over here! You just blocked us in!"
Space Pants said, "I just saved your life," and walked away.
"...Thanks?" Edward looked at the bonfire in the doorway left by Space Pants, and turned to Sergei. "You're fire-resistant, right? Mind laying over that so we can walk across your back?"
Sergei snorted and kicked the fire out so they could leave the room and close the door behind them.
Erky healed himself again to cover the damage from Alefgard's accidental fire blast. Seeing the gnome was nearly out of spells, Meepo helped him out with a stronger healing spell to top him off.
"Ah... Thank you, Meepo! Y'know, for a minute there, I really thought you guys were gonna let me die."
"Eh, you're fine," Alefgard tried to wave it off. "I could've burned you again and you would've lived."
Erky was cross. "Y'know, for a little bit I was starting to think you might've actually had my back. You almost killed me!"
"It was an accident," Edward stepped in. "Chill out, Erky Twerky."
"Grr..."
Bubb's flies spread out to the most wounded of the party and buzzed into their ears and nose. "Approach the light one," they whispered. "Do not resist."
"...Yikes, uh, what?" ratNAROk considered swatting the flies away.
Bubb said, "Relax, I just mean 'come closer so I can heal you.'" Bubb began a Prayer of Healing. Over the next ten minutes, those receiving healing were subjected to flies crawling in and out of their wounds and ears.
"This is incredibly unpleasant." Sergei, who had taken the most damage after Erky, had no choice but to let the flies do their uncomfortable work.
Zumies immediately took to checking bodies, starting with Balsag. The bugbear had been carrying a wicked morning star, crafted of wood but menacing with iron spikes. On his belt were three healing potions and a pouch containing 15 gold pieces. Tucked under his hide shirt was a scroll. Zumies could tell it was a wizard spell, but would need to Identify it.
"I can take care of that." Edward swipes a few flies away from his eyes as he takes the scroll. "Should know what this does by the time these... err, bugs, are done with whatever they're doing."
Alefgard paused to inspect Bubb's Spiritual Weapon. The giant, spectral fly looked all around with its thousand eyes, clinging to a wall with its six hairy legs. "Fascinating... I've never had an opportunity to inspect magic such as this up close." The wizard turned, with a slight worry. "Is, ah, this is still 'divine' magic, right?"
"It certainly is something, isn't it?" Bubb said with a nod.
(https://i.postimg.cc/xTD2R2Qd/75-aftermath.png)
"One of those goblins had a shield or somethin'," Space Pants said as he began inspecting the northern rooms for loot.
"Yeah, I was interested in that!" Edward said. "A buckler. That would work a lot better for me."
"This one's got a big pointy bit on the front of it," said the felis sorcerer. "Don't let the elf have it, I see him eyeing it up."
(https://i.postimg.cc/L6p25gG5/74-balsagbuckler.png)
Space Pants inspected the north-central room. On the table in the center, there were crude armorer's tools, which had been in use repairing a goblin's hide armor when the party had interrupted. There were some weapon and armor racks nearby. On the armor racks, Space Pants found a second buckler. This one was a little different from the first - instead of a spike, this one was rather light, and better suited for parrying. Rather than provide a flat defensive bonus, this parrying buckler would allow better resistance to damage as a reaction to dodge.
"There you go, now you two don't have to fight over 'em."
Bubb finished his Prayer of Healing, and Edward simultaneously finished identifying the scroll. It turned out to be an unusual spell, called Jim's Magic Missile - the hypoallergenic, gluten-free dart of magical force.
"...Huh! That's a weird one, alright." Alefgard tucked the scroll away into his pouch for later.
"Hm, this is weird, too..." Edward held up one of the healing potions procured from Balsag. This potion was a little peculiar, seeming to be sourced from an earthy, natural remedy, instead of the typical inky red potions they were used to seeing. The contents smelled like fresh dirt and moss.
"I bet that tastes as good as it smells," ratNAROk blanched.
"You just say that because you don't like being healed," said Meepo.
"I bet these were crafted here," said Edward, looking around at the implements on the tables in the room around them. Mortars and pestles, ground herbs and mushrooms - the druid's laboratory seemed the most likely source of these potions.
"What do we got going on down here?" Zumies stepped into the South-central room.
The room before the rogue and sorcerer held a grisly scene. A diseased giant rat lay dissected on a table, cut wide open with its organs removed. On its face and body were woody tumors with stem-like appendages sticking out. On a fancy stand in the corner was a crystal vial that seemed to contain some kind of clear liquid.
"Arright, so first thing I'm gonna do is set that rat right on fire." Space Pants shot a quick fire bolt at the rat to make sure it didn't get up.
"I'm sure we'll need to identify this." Zumies pocketed the vial for later inspection.
Meepo coughed. The bite from the giant rat was starting to burn, and his vision seemed to be getting a little blurry. "Oh no... I think I have Sight Rot!"
"Here, let me help you." Erky placed a hand on Meepo and cast Lesser Restoration. "That's all the magic I have left for the day."
"Erky searched the room looking for more catnip for Space Pants," the voice of Momuz Freeman followed the gnome.
"You guys want to pile into one of these rooms and try to rest?" asked Edward.
"Considering everyone's out of spells, yeah," said Alefgard. "Which room?"
"Preferably not the one with the diseased, burning rat," said Zumies.
"How about this room up here?" Space Pants walked into the Northwest room, which had a row of bunks lined up against the back wall. "Look, it's got my bed in it." The cat plopped down on the comfiest looking bed.
"Good, you can stay in it." Zumies claimed the bed in the corner, leaving a bed between him and Space Pants.
"Ah, thanks for saving me a spot." Alefgard walked up to the bed between Zumies and Space Pants, disrobed completely, and jumped into the bed, completely naked.
Edward shook his head. "Don't mind him, that's just how he sleeps. This is exactly why I don't sit on my couch at home anymore."
"Don't even try giving that away," said ratNAROk. "I'd just drag that right onto the street and burn it."
"Erky," said Space Pants, "remember that time Alefgard tried to set you on fire?"
Erky rubbed the bald spot on the back of his head. "Rings a bell..."
"Cool. Just seeing if you remembered."
Edward pushed the goblin bodies out of the doorway and blocked it shut. "There. Now we should be able to get a good rest in."
The bard and the cat took the first watch. However, both quickly became bored, and decided to work on Space Pants' stand up routine.
"What's faster than an elf with a tree cap quota?" said Space Pants.
"I don't know, what?"
"...Wait, I told it backwards. Um... nothing!"
"Try it a bit simpler, like this. 'Where do elves vote?'" tried Edward.
"I don't know, where?"
"The North Poll."
"That was stupid, here's this one. Why does Zumies keep getting stronger?"
"I don't know, why?"
"Because his coinpurse keeps getting heavier. From all the stealing."
"Hm, you gotta think a little too hard for that one. Here's one: An elf, a human, and a dwarf walk into a bar. A halfling walks under it."
"Did you know, Edward, that Elven firing squads stand in a circle?"
"What's the rudest type of elf?" said the bard. "'Go eff yours-elf.'"
"How do you stop an elf army on horseback?" said the sorcerer. "You turn off the carousel."
"There you go, that's better!"
Before finishing their impromptu elf roast, Space Pants turned over the room. He found a few pouches of assorted coins, a rough stick used as a toothbrush by a goblin, and various other personal items belonging to the enemies they had just slain. Space Pants placed one gold and one silver under each sleeping party member's pillow, with a little note saying "You've been visited by the Space Fairy."
Alefgard, Bubb, and Sergei took the next watch. Sergei vigilantly watched the door, if for no other reason than to avert his eyes from the bare naked wizard, who didn't even have the decency to cover up with a blanket. It wasn't long before both heard movement outside.
Alefgard lifted his head up from the bed. "Time to wake the others?"
"Time to put some clothes on, human."
"Never."
Alerted to the sound, Bubb snuck one of his flies under the door to peek outside. A pack of three skeletons carrying gardening hoes and a goblin were being lead by a bugbear, carrying a scythe and dressed in green burlap robes. Surprisingly, the bugbear managed to spot the fly coming out from under the door. Having heard enough about these intruders by now, the bugbear pointed at the fly and directed the skeletons to approach the door. The goblin, on the other hand, turned and ran out the north-east door, presumably to alert others.
(https://i.postimg.cc/MZ9ZhW9X/76-bugbgardener.png)
Inside the room, the warforged cleric turned to its companions. "I regret to inform you that we've been made."
"Damn it," said Edward. "Alright, weapons out!"
Space Pants bolted out of the room. "Hey! This ain't the party I ordered! Those cats don't even have any skin on 'em!" He waved his paw angrily at the skeleton gardeners.
Sergei pushed past Space Pants and shouted, "Who are you? State your business!"
The bugbear was taken aback. "I should be askin' you that! You're the intruders here! Look at all these bodies! This is our home, man! What are you doing here?!"
Edward groggily walked to the door and said, "Who's your dead friend?"
Despite their combined intimidation attempt, the bugbear puffed his chest and stood his ground. "You don't scare me. Turn back now while you got the chance!"
Meepo came out and cast Toll the Dead, but missed. Zumies tried to aim a crossbow bolt between the pillars, but it ricocheted off the second pillar and missed.
"Let me handle this," said Space Pants. "Only way I'll get back to bed quickly is if I do it myself." The felis subtly brushed up against the bugbear's mind and cast Suggestion, leaving the idea in its head that it should flee. "There must be a hundred dead goblins down here. We don't stand a chance! I should make a deal with them so I can leave..." The bugbear considered, but shook off the suggestion, still refusing to budge.
"Allow me," said Erky with a slight grin. Stepping out into the middle of the hallway, the gnome pointed at the bugbear's scythe and said, "Drop it!" His Commanding voice compelled the bugbear to drop the scythe with a clatter, his knees shaking.
The skeletons moved in and each took a swing at Sergei with their garden hoes. With surprisingly-well synchronized movement, the goblins timed their swings in such a way that they catch Sergei completely blindsided, bouncing one hoe off his collarbone and another under his ribs, dealing two critical blows. "Oof! I'm going to need another rest after this one!"
At this point, Alefgard gets up, still totally naked, making only half an effort to cover himself with a bedsheet. He stopped at the door, shouted, "What's going on out here?! I'm trying to get some sleep!" and threw an Ice Knife into the group of skeletons. The icicle exploded into shrapnel, shredding all of them almost completely down. Shaking his head, the wizard turned around and stumbled back to bed.
Edward laughed, "You should fight naked more often!"
Sergei sliced one, and then another, felling the skeletons easily now that they had been weakened. Edward assisted Sergei with a Healing Word, and Zumies snuck in a shot on the bugbear with his crossbow. The bugbear resisted a Mind Spike from Space Pants, at which point the cat said, "Alright, you guys can finish him, g'night," and went back to bed himself.
"Typical." Erky hit the bugbear with a Sacred Flame, but it remained standing.
Bubb stood before the bugbear and let it take in its terrifying visage. Maggots crawled out of its face as it stood over the bodies of its fallen brethren, as the bugbear itself stood there alone, unarmed, and helpless against a party of foes that just kept growing in number.
"He's shakin' in his boots! Git 'im!" ratNAROk hefted his greataxe in both hands, entered a rage, and hurled his greataxe as hard as he could at the bugbear. Unfortunately, the meadowguard barbarian misaccounted the weight and dropped the blade about ten feet in front of him.
Alefgard, hearing the commotion still hadn't settled, rolled his eyes and stumbled back out the door. "Oh, would you just shut up already?" The wizard launched an empowered Ice Knife at the bugbear, cutting it badly with more exploding ice.
"Yes, good," said Heaven Baboon from beyond, "Hurry back to bed, so we may resume our adventures in dream land!"
"I love you, Heaven Baboon."
"Does anyone know what the naked wizard is talking about?" Meepo asked out of genuine concern.
Trembling, frozen, outnumbered, alone, unarmed, and surrounded by bodies, the bugbear did the only thing that made sense; It ran away.
ratNAROk started to chase after the bugbear, but stopped when he realized his party wasn't following. "C'mon, he might rally more!"
"If we don't finish our rest, we won't get our spells," said Edward.
ratNAROk sighed. "Fine." The mouse jammed the handle of his greataxe through the handle of the door to jam it. "Back to bed we go, then. Let's finish this in the morning."
9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============
The party settled in for the third shift of their rest. The fight during the previous watch was brief, but still served as a reminder of the threat that lie just outside. Zumies, Erky, Meepo, and ratNAROk stayed up for the final watch, vigilant and alert for any danger.
(https://i.postimg.cc/mrCWw0Kv/81-BotchedWatch.png)
Erky sat with his back to the door, keeping an ear out for trouble, while everybody else grew bored of guard duty. Zumies started appraising all the jewelry he'd collected thus far. Meepo couldn't keep his eyes open and dozed off. ratNAROk brushed off a mud smear (right ear) and twiddled his paws.
"Hey Zumies," said ratNAROk, "You got a marker?"
"A marker?" Zumies raised an eyebrow. "I got an oil marker in my thief's kit."
"Oil? Even better!" ratNAROk rubbed his paws together gleefully. "Wouldn't it be really funny if we dipped Space Pants's tail in oil and set it on fire?"
"It probably would be funny," said Zumies with a grin. "I would think he's had it comin'."
Erky's eyes lit up. "Oh, I wouldn't see anything. I'm doing my job of keeping lookout, I'm not paying any attention to what you're doing," the gnome said with a wink.
"Oh, I know you won't!" ratNAROk bumps fists with Erky.
"I am a cat, and I am awake," said Space Pants. "I hear you talkin' about me."
"No you're not," says ratNAROk. "We weren't talking about you, nuh-uh. We were talking about... Zumies."
"...Yeah," said Zumies, the half-elf, "we were talking about my tail. Go back to sleep!"
"I'm a cat," reiterated Space Pants, "this is my time to do cat things. It's kinda my whole thing."
"No it's not, go back to sleep!" said ratNAROk. "Erky, hit him with that spray!"
"Gladly!" Erky squirted Space Pants with the Command spray. "Sleep!"
"That's not how that works!" said Space Pants, batting away the mist. "Here, I'll show you how it's done."
Space Pants wove some aberrant syllables together into a hideous incantation. Though it seemed the felis was casting a spell on Erky, at the last second he turned around and targeted Zumies. A twisted crown of jagged iron appeared on the rogue's head. Despite being half-elven, the cat's magic was powerful enough to overcome Zumies's will.
"What the-- yargh!!"
Erky whirled his head around in time to see Zumies throwing a punch at him. The gnome cleric/barbarian dodged backwards, throwing his full weight squarely into the door, knocking it open.
(https://i.postimg.cc/wxhKMVCk/82-Zeke-Meet.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/KjSvh8dr/zeke-rage.png)
Art by @KenboCalrissian (https://twitter.com/KenboCalrissian)
Bright bluish-green light shined through the open doorway, illuminated by a brilliant flame-like energy floating over the tip of a short sword. The sword - a rather unusual design - swung around to shine its light on Erky, revealing the features of its wielder.
A burly badger-man, with broad shoulders, a simple tunic over a chain shirt, and carrying a bag slung over his shoulder and a strange device on his belt, had been picking over the bodies of the slain goblins. He stood as tall as a human, and his hands ended in vicious claws, suitable whether for digging or for a fight. Startled by the door crashing open, his first instinct was to defend himself, but when he saw the room was full of adventurers - the very adventurers he had heard about from the kobolds upstairs, most likely - he immediately calmed down, his face settling to a friendlier expression in a moment.
"Oh!" the badger-man lowered his blade, but kept it in front of him, holding it like a torch. "Oh, uhh... Good, or bad?"
Erky rolled over and began climbing to his feet. Before he could reply, however, Space Pants intervened by shouting, "Look, look! Zumies has gone flippin' crazy, and he's-- haha!" The cat couldn't help but laugh at himself. "--he's attacking Erky! Everybody wake up!"
"Argh, one of these days, cat..." Erky stood up, brushed himself off, and responded gruffly. "We should be asking you that question, sir. I've not seen a people such as yourself before. Who are you?"
The badger looked on as the people in the bunk room clambered over themselves. He wasn't sure what to make of these adventurers, but ultimately, it didn't matter too much - so long as he could gain a few customers.
"Ah, yes, of course. My name's Zeke. Zeke Barrens, nice to meetcha! I'm a traveling merchant. I go around scavenging places for loot and sell it! You guys interested in seeing what I've got?"
Meepo squinted his eyes and shook his head. Something about the badger fighter/rogue seemed awfully familiar to him, but he couldn't place it. Drowsy, the kobold laid his head back down and tried to go back to sleep.
"Ask him if he's got any catnip!" Space Pants called from within the room. "Erky! Ask him if he has catnip!"
"I do have catnip!" the badger exclaimed. "I can hook you up. Have you ever tried 'Salsa Verde?'"
"...Prob-- probably," said Space Pants. "How much do ya got?"
"Here, why don't we step into my shop?"
Zeke took a step back, then reached for the odd device on his belt. The device was hexagonally-shaped, had a metal casing, and a glass display on the front, with symbols and characters no one in the party had ever seen before. Zeke tapped on the screen, and a beam shot out of it, projecting a hole onto the floor, complete with a mesmerizing light-up sign.
(https://i.postimg.cc/X7PMHcPM/83-Shop-Hole.png)
"Come on in!" With that, Zeke jumped down into the hole, passing through easily.
"Let's jump right in!" ratNAROk hopped into the hole without a second's thought.
"So, to be clear..." said Space Pants, ruminating. "I'm just gonna point the facts out to everyone. A badger just showed up at random, told me that he has catnip - which nobody ever has, ever - and now he's tellin' us all to jump into his hole."
"It's called a 'sett,'" said Edward. "I don't know about you, but I'm staying put and finishing my rest. I've got one more spell in me unless I get my beauty sleep."
"Likewise," grumbled Meepo.
Zeke poked his head up out of the hole. "I heard you, and I've got plenty of room in here if you want to sit and rest. I've got a fire, some stuff to eat, a nice, cozy common area. Up to you!" He ducked back down into the hole.
Edward groaned. "Do we really want to trust a badger we just met in the basement of a dungeon and jump into a hole he just pulled out of nowhere?"
"He said he's got food," said Zumies. "Maybe he has ice cream." Zumies jumped down into the hole.
"...Ice cream??" Edward was surprised. "Are you secretly a noble, or do you just have really extravagant taste?"
"He's wearing half the jewelry we've found since we got here," said Space Pants. "You tell me. Either way, let's follow the rat."
"He's a skunk," said Meepo, still with his eyes closed.
"I meant our rat, ratNAROk. But yeah, him too."
ratNAROk, Zumies, Bubb, and Erky climbed down into the hole. The entrance lead to a ten-foot wide hallway of solid dirt. Claw marks along the walls gave evidence that the tunnel was dug out by hand - or, rather, by burrowing claws. A few roots stuck out from a wall just ahead, likely from some tree above. Just ahead, the badger man waved them in as he himself disappeared through a ramshackle door at the end of the hall.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Hs8TG41f/83-Zeke-Sett-Shop.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/zB7n24Lj/Zeke.png)
Art by @shiny_tuka (https://twitter.com/shiny_tuka)
Through the door, the tunnel gave way to an expansive space, seven feet high all around, illuminated by a bonfire set south-east of center of the room. Zeke was already at the fire, sitting on a log, roasting some type of meat. "Make yourselves at home! Sorry about the goblin bodies, ah... They weren't exactly keen on doing fair business, if you catch my meaning. If you need any arrows, you can pull them out of the wall back there. Had to do lots of running to get out of that scrape..."
"Wow, you've got a lot of room in here!" said Zumies.
"Yeah," Zeke said, mildly boastful. "I dug it out myself. I've had a lot of time since I retired adventuring. Needed a base-- er, place to stay. Well... yeah, a base." Zeke took a bite of meat, then withdrew a strange, rectangular device from his pocket. As he looked into the device, he tapped it, and the side facing him lit up. He tapped it a few more times, and from somewhere in the room, a bouncy shop theme started playing. The badger put the device back in his pocket without offering any explanation.
Zumies looked all around the large room, scanning the items on the tables. There were potions, a dagger, a few swords, some scrolls, and, in the back, a few items that appeared to be of dwarven artifact quality. "What do you have in the way of potions?"
"Ah, in that corner there," Zeke pointed towards the northeast table. "Healing, Greater Healing, Keoghtom's Ointment, ah... There are a few others, I kinda forget what they are."
On the table next to the healing potions were vials of unknown use. One looked like tomato soup, but appeared to be bubbling inside. Another was a clear liquid that glowed with a white light. Yet another was a liquid in a translucent brown bottle, except the bottle itself - including the stopper - could be partially seen through.
Bubb stepped up to a slice of tree trunk near the fire, producing a wooden cask and a deck of tarot cards. "What shall we trade?"
Zeke looked at the tarot cards, and frowned. "Um... is this magic? I'm not real good with magic." He stammered a bit, trying not to reveal that the cards reminded him of someone. "You might've guessed by now I'm from a different world than yours. There wasn't any magic on my world, not until--"
Bubb, not listening, opened the cask - which, as it turned out, was one of the casks from the goblins' lair that formerly held black pepper. Zeke was cut off by the sudden stench of peppered, rotting goblin carcass, stuffed inside the cask for safe-keeping. "Spicy. Now trade."
"Hoo, wow..." Zeke turned his head as his eyes watered from the horrible stench. "You know what, dude, I'm good. I've already got more goblin carcasses in here than I care to have - and they're fresh, just butchered 'em myself, not that it matters, but thank you very much.
Bubb closed the cask and shrugged its shoulders. "Your loss."
Zeke wrung his hands together. "Not to give the wrong impression, I am open to trade. I'd prefer coin, but I'll hear an offer if you've got one to make."
Zumies took a closer look at the dagger on the table. It was clearly magical, had a feather attached to its pommel, and had a hook on the underside like a gutting knife. There was also a longsword, that glowed with a slight blue sheen. This was magical as well, but otherwise plain-looking, probably without any special function. Next to that was a rapier, pulled slightly out of its scabbard. The part of the blade that was exposed glowed with a pale light, like moonlight.
Moving on to the far back row, Zumies found the high-ticket items - the dwarven artifact aisle. His eyes fell squarely on the most expensive item in the room.
(https://i.postimg.cc/FFD5DbnH/78-Fightappears.png)
Zumies's mouth watered just looking at it, and he struggled to guess how many zeroes were at the end of its price. "Ah, of course you'd notice Fightappears! This is really something how they did this - they wove the adamantine strands through the bow part like a fiber, which gives it extra tensile strength. You'd need to be a really strong individual to pull it back - but if you can, its bolt will fire with armor-piercing power! That's my prize item, though. I'm looking for at least 189,000 gold for that one."
"189,000?!" Zumies' eyes bugged out of his head.
"Well, look at it! It's adamantine, that stuff is super rare. Most people don't even believe it exists! There's a legend that it's used to trap... clowns? Or something, I don't really know the whole story and might have misunderstood a word or two. Again, 'from an alien world' and all that!"
"Well then, I'll just take..." the rogue paused, eyeing up the badger, then all the goblin bodies on the ground, "...a couple of health potions, then."
Bubb walked past the dwarven artifacts, and went back to the gutting knife. Then, Bubb's head leaned back until its mouth unhinged a full one-hundred eighty degrees. A writhing mass of flies and maggots spewed forth from its jaw like boiling, writhing, black winged mud, until gold coins started spitting out of the gruesome geyser onto the floor. After about twenty coins had fallen, Bubb pulled its head back together, looked at the badger, and said, "Is this enough?"
Zeke steadied his gaze, taking great effort to hide the fact that the meat he'd just eaten at the fire had found its way back up into his throat. "Ah, the Barbed Dagger of Returning! Yes, this knife is very special. The trick to that one is you can throw it, and then, with a flick of the wrist, recall it back to your hand. As in, it will rip itself out of whatever it's embedded in to fly back into your open hand - and, I see you've noticed the gutting edge, so you can imagine how lethal that can be." The badger looked down at the ground. "You are short by about, uh, 3,980 gold though. But, again, I am open to trade!"
Bubb looked down at the coins, bent to pick them up, and slid them back into its mouth, without saying a word.
Zeke watched the strange, metallic cleric pick up his meager coinage, and began to see the pattern emerging here. "I think I see what's going on here. You guys are, ah..."
"Poor?" said Zumies.
"Cheap?" said Bubb.
"New to this adventuring life," said Zeke, with a smile. "Tell ya what... How about you guys do me a little favor, and I'll lower my prices a bit?"
ratNAROk had already taken out a dagger and stabbed himself in the palm. "Yes! We shall make our agreement in blood!" He held his bloody hand and the dagger out to Zeke.
"Whoa, whoa! Wait a minute, I haven't even..." As if noticing ratNAROk for the first time, Zeke's shock was immediately replaced with wonder as he assessed the meadowguard. "Are you... Where are you from, my good mouse folk, if I may ask?"
"I'm from a region just outside of the Confederacies of Targeting, in the Southwest," said ratNAROk. "My village was ransacked and destroyed by bandits. By Nushrat, I will avenge them."
As soon as he said the name of the region, Zeke visibly deflated. For a moment, there was excitement in his eyes, but that moment had passed. "Ah, I see, alright... That's cool... Uh, how's it been over there?"
"Eh," said ratNAROk. "Could use a lot more killin', if you ask me." ratNAROk pointed at the swords. "Do you have anything bigger?"
Zeke looked at the swords. "Ah... not at the moment, no, but I can keep an eye out if you're looking for something specific?"
ratNAROk hefted his masterwork, silvered great axe. "I have this great axe, right? But it's nothing special. I'm looking for something like... something along the line of a nodachi."
Zeke scrunched his nose. "A no... onoda.. I'm sorry, I'm not from this world, there are a few words I still don't know. What is that?"
"Imagine a katana, but grotesquely large."
"Kat... kata... katah nah..." the badger tried the word a few times.
"Big thin curved blade."
"Right. Okay. Well, I don't have anything like that at the moment, but I do get around a lot. Traveling around and hunting for treasure is my business - for now, anyway. If I find anything like that on my travels, I'll set it aside for you. I'm assuming you guys will be doing this for a while, yeah? Then we're likely to run into each other again."
"Ok traveling merchant man, you keep an eye out for anything big - no matter what it is."
"I am interested in this sword," said Sergei, holding the magic longsword.
"Ah, yes! A fine weapon, that one. No extra bells or whistles, just a good ol' magic sword."
"It enhances accuracy and damage?"
"You bet! That'll be 500 gold."
Sergei offered his masterwork longsword. "Could I interest you in this?"
Zeke inspected the sword, nodding appreciatively at its craftsmanship. "It's nice! But... it's not magical. I'd take it as part of a trade, but not by itself."
"Look at this, man," said Meepo, trying to talk up its value. "It's made so well. See the emeralds inlaid in the pommel? And this pommel, this isn't brass, it's 12 karat rose gold!"
Zeke rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. While not doing anything overtly intimidating, his body language gave off a Commanding Presence. "It is a very nice sword, but unfortunately, it's still not magical, and that matters against certain monsters. Like... ghosts, for example."
"Or wraiths," said Space Pants.
"Right, same thing."
"No it ain't. No, it definitely ain't."
Zumies offered Zeke the dwarven, aluminum flask he had found earlier. "Here, it's got a hundred-year old prickleberry wine in it. Can I trade you this for a couple of health potions? I have a hundred gold for another pair. Dunno how much the wine's worth, but you can have it as a gift."
Zeke perked up, happy to finally make a deal. "Yeah, that sounds great! I'm happy to do that - and I'll remember the wine, as a favor."
By this time, the rest of the party grew concerned and decided to come down into the hole. Like the others, they looked around in awe at the size of the place once they saw the main chamber.
"Welcome, welcome! Come right in."
Meepo, seeing Zumies trading for health potions, did the same, offering a necklace he found and some extra cash. As he did this, he noticed Zumies pulling out the pewter necklace and pewter scepter from his pack.
"Hey, where you get those? Isn't that party loot?"
"I think he's been grabbing things without telling us," said Edward, admonishingly.
"I don't think Edward's had a chance to identify them," said Space Pants. "When were you gonna tell us you had those?"
"Speaking of, what those?" Meepo pointed to the items in Space Pants's hands.
"These?" The cat dropped the two bucklers they had found in the last fight. "These need identified. One of 'em's got a big knife on the front of it, the other I think is just a regular buckler.
Edward looked the bucklers over. The standard-looking buckler was actually a parrying buckler, which provided little benefit on its own but granted a chance to dodge as a reaction. The other with the blade on the front was a standard buckler providing minimal protection, with a magical enchantment to make it as good as a shield - and the blade could function as a light weapon.
"What are these other artifacts back here?" Meepo asked, pointing again at the big ticket aisle. "Nobody asked what those do yet, did they?"
"Ah, no, not other than the crossbow. Let me explain."
(https://i.postimg.cc/MHKkzXXw/79-Ditchfluke.png)
"This ring is very special," said Zeke. "When you attune to this ring, it will forcibly unattune all other items you are attuned to. You can't attune to any other items while attuned to this one, and you unattune from this item as soon as you stop wearing it. While wearing this ring, you'll have an advantage when saving against any effect that lasts multiple turns." The badger scratched his head. "I think that's everything, I'm just reciting the instructions that were given to me. Like I said, I'm not real good with magic myself." He looked at the ring again. "Let me see, it's all oak, so... I'd say 900 gold. Been having a little trouble selling that one."
(https://i.postimg.cc/TwxMHt6p/80-Cagebuds.png)
"No no no, please don't put that on! It'll get stuck to you, you'll have to put the ring on to get it off. It contains the spirit of some ancient warrior, a barbarian who went beyond rage and gave in to insanity. While wearing it, you'll fight with that warrior's insane strength, but you'll want to fight everything you see. You will not rest until everything around you is dead - meaning you might very well exhaust yourself to death first. I, ah, don't know if I want to sell that, to be perfectly honest. 4,575 gold, if you really want it."
"Erky wanted to touch it," said the voice of Momuz Freeman in Erky's head. "Do it, Erky. Listen to Space Pants. Maybe he was right all along."
(https://i.postimg.cc/PJ6gJh8w/77-dimpledlauded.png)
"This earring grants you the boon of a turtle!" Zeke said so triumphantly, though his delivery sort of sounded like he did not truly realize the meaning of his own words. "Three times per day, if you can react to an attack, you can blunt it for half the damage. I'm looking for 9,000 gold for that one."
Space Pants stared at the badger as he said his price. As he spoke, he laced his words with aberrant enchantment, seeking to sneak a subtle Suggestion at him. "Hey, Mr. Badger, we're your friends. You should help us by giving us a 25% discount on all items. You want to be our friend, don't you?"
Zeke paused, thinking hard about the cat's words. "I mean, I guess I could go for eight... seven... err, 6,750 gold.
"We still can't afford that," said Meepo.
"Well, like I was saying, I'd be open to lowering my prices for a favor! I've heard that, nearby, there's a nest of fire snakes. And boy, do I love fire snake eggs!"
"It's the omelet that cooks itself!" said ratNAROk.
"That's right! I'd like you guys to fetch a few eggs for me. But beware! Once you disturb their nest, they'll fight hard to defend it, and they can be very nasty. Not as easy as it sounds. But, if you bring me back some eggs, I'll lower some of my prices."
"What if we trade you Erky for the crossbow?" said Space Pants.
"What kind of sick, degenerate--" Erky stopped mid-sentence. "I mean... yes! Sure, I'm for trade! Anything to get away from these guys."
Zeke raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, not in the people-trading business. You really want to get away from them though, eh?"
"Don't undersell yourself," said ratNAROk. "You're worth at least that crossbow, plus something else."
"I mean, I am a cleric of Thrathdad. Among her domains are duty, generosity, and charity. Definitely good to have around while searching for treasure, no?"
"As you can see," said Space Pants, "Erky is an excellant liar. And he's a crazy, murderous fool. Totally worth a crossbow. Act now, and we'll throw in Zumies."
"Space Pants," said Edward, "You realize you have no hope of pulling that crossbow back, right?"
"Oh, I don't want to use it," said Space Pants. "I just want to trade Erky for an inanimate object."
Zeke decided to change the subject. "You were asking about catnip, right? I've got the Kuba, the Salsa Verde, and I've got Cha Cha."
"How much for all of it?"
"...250 gold."
"So you're tellin' me you'll trade me all of your catnip for this fine gnome here?"
Zeke's mouth twitched. "I'm, ah, not doing that, no. Sorry, not trading for people."
"How about pets?" suggested Zumies. "You want a cat?"
"He's housetrained," added Meepo.
"Definitely not."
Space Pants held up his paws and pretended like he was counting on his claws. "So... how many catnips can I buy..."
"There's five uses per--"
"--for Zumies?"
"...There's five uses per stack."
"Deal. I'll trade you Zumies, you can have Erky just to sweeten the pot, and I'll give you five bucks. I mean gold. Five gold bucks."
"I'm starting to think Space Pants isn't from this world, either," said ratNAROk.
"Alright, I'm gonna sweeten the deal even more: No Erky. There, you don't have to deal with him, we'll keep him and you just take Zumies."
"No, no!" Erky complained, "I already said I'm going with him."
"Come on, Erky, you're not goin' with him, nobody wants you, we're stuck with you, just get in the... go over by the fire."
"Ay, stakish nah kah..." Zeke muttered something in his home language, put his face in his palm and shook his head.
"Sir," Alefgard spoke up for the first time, "Sir, I have been very patient."
Zeke looked up with a start. "Um-- yes! Sure, how can I--"
"Do you have. A ****ing. Coffee."
"...Coming right up."
"Thank you."
"Make that two!" added Edward.
"I'll take a coffee if it gives me a rage back," said ratNAROk.
"The coffee is complimentary because we're spending so much money here," said Space Pants, "isn't that right, Zeke?"
"Um... I mean, it's complimentary because I'm a nice guy." Zeke reached into a duffel bag next to his log by the fire, and pulled out a can. The can had a brightly-colored label printed on in such a way that none of the party have ever seen before, with bold symbols they couldn't make out, but once opened there was no mistaking the aroma of a fresh ground dark roast. Zeke poured some coffee grounds into a metal percolator, added water from a bottle of an odd, see-through material, and set it over the fire.
"So, Zeke," Space Pants made small talk while the coffee brewed. "Tell us about this shop of yours."
"Of course! This is my sett. This place exists because of an invention of a good friend of mine from way back, who called himself Light Defender. Have you ever heard of the spell 'Magic Mansion?' Basically, this is a lesser version of that, enchanted over my telep-- this device here. Just one tap, and a gateway to this pocket dimension appears, wherever I choose to leave it." The badger had a nostalgic smile. "I don't pretend to understand it. Like I said, I'm no good with magic... but a long time ago, I actually did have a spellbook, only briefly. It was linked to a goddess named Psyche, and spells would appear in the book whenever I'd accidentally unlock them through moments of extreme emotion. But, that chapter of my life closed long ago, and I no longer have that book or its power. All for the better, to be honest."
Space Pants feigned interest. "Cool, cool. So can you store people in here?"
"Oh, yeah! I mean, I can spend days, even weeks in here. I live here. As long as that hole is somewhere on the surface so I can get back, there's no problem."
"So, could you leave, and someone else stay in here?"
"Well, technically yes, but this place is bound to this device. If I drop the hole and then walk away with the device, the hole will disappear."
"What if we need to hide a body in it, living or dead, sometimes?"
Zeke turned around and stared at one of the goblin corpses for a while, considering. "I suppose that depends on what kind of business you're into. And what it's worth to you. After all, this here is a storefront."
"Hear me out, Zeke," said the cat. "You should come with us. I don't know what you're doin' in this dungeon, but you're around, we're around... We could-- no, Erky could manage your shop, and you could come with us!"
Zeke laughed. "That sounds great, if a bit unexpected. To be honest, I'm on a bit of a mission of my own. See, I've already done my adventuring, and I retired from that long ago - at least, that's what I told myself. But the whole reason I opened up this shop is because of a bit of unfinished business."
"Go on," said Space Pants.
Zeke paused a long time, as if carefully weighing whether to divulge this information. "...Well, I'm trying to stop my brothers. They-- wait, hold on." He pulled out the device from his pocket again, tapped it a few times, and the music in the room changed again, this time to something a bit heavier, a little sadder. "I come from a big family. I'm the youngest of 8 brothers--"
"Wow," said Edward.
"Yeah, let me back up a bit. I'm from a world called T'zen. All the people there are like... tall versions of what you call 'animals' here. Not all are badgers like me, but everyone in my family tree is a badger. That's why I asked where you were from," he said to ratNAROk. "I thought maybe there was a chance you had come from my world, too."
"Oh, but you didn't care if I did?" said Space Pants, the cat.
"You, my friend, clearly aren't from this world either - but it's also obvious you're not from mine, because there's no magic on my world. Well, that was until--"
"Okay, okay great," interrupted Space Pants. "Who are we against? Who are we going to kill for you?"
"My brothers run a crime syndicate," Zeke blurted out.
"Oh, terrific. Sounds shady."
"Yeah. On my world, I don't tell people I'm a 'Barrens.' But I'm the youngest, the black sheep of the family, and I've been trying to bring them down my whole life - but, that's only gotten harder the longer it's taken me to do it. At this point, they've completely infiltrated the world government and basically rule the world."
"'World' government?" asked Edward. "You mean, like one government running the entire world?"
"T'zen has many nations that all answer to one united super-government," Zeke explained. "It happened as a response to widespread corruption within various nations, but it was already so bad that the shift only delayed the inevitable. Now they're at the top of everything, and there's no way to touch them."
"Well, how the hell did they get so powerful?"
"Because my brother, Jahn, the current head of the Barrens Mafia, was the first on our world to discover magic. And he tested it first on me. The first thing he did with it was teleport me to some random world - a pocket dimension, called Mercia, where I found myself stranded with nothing but the clothes on my back, and my grandfather's sword. I couldn't speak the language, so I made my living cleaning some potion dealer's floors until I learned how. Well... actually, there's more to it than that, but I digress. Bottom line, I eventually left that world, went home... and then, Jahn teleported me away again, this time to Buzong Xömlox."
"Why here?"
"Dunno, but I've got a hunch that I'm not the only one. He's learned he can use magic to simply push anybody he wants out of his way, and that's exactly what he'll do. I wouldn't put it past him to start exiling his competition via teleportation, sending them anywhere that isn't home. I don't know if he'd choose different targets, all the same target, or whatever. But if he's sent me here, that means it's a place he knows how to teleport people to. I'm betting there are others of my kind here as well. So, my goal with this shop is to fund a base for my people - start a home for those of us cast off our homeworld, and build a base from which to strike back and retake T'zen. However the heck we're gonna do that... I need an army, that's for sure."
"So, to clarify," said Space Pants, "you want to create a new mob to defeat the old mob?"
"...You could put it that way, I guess. I mean, at this point, I'm willing to try anything."
"Sounds good, man," said ratNAROk. "I know what it's like losing your home."
"Sounds great. Me and ratNAROk, we're so in."
"For money," amended ratNAROk.
"For money, yes."
"...You guys are serious? You want to help?"
"Yeah, sure!" Both Space Pants and ratNAROk agreed together.
"Killing's like what we do," said Space Pants.
"You know how long we've been stuck in this dungeon?!" said ratNAROk.
"Ask Sergei, I think he ate somebody."
"That was a long time ago," the dragonborn said defensively.
Zeke stood quietly, staring into the flame as he considered, his brow furrowed with a remembrance of pain. Had it not been clear before, the badger's age was clear now - at least middle-aged, Zeke had the look of someone whose adventuring days were behind him. He watched the flames dance as memories of friends and loved ones he'd lost along the way came back to haunt him.
"I appreciate your enthusiasm," said Zeke after a long while, "and I do need the manpower if I'm to have any hope of taking my brothers down. However, I don't know you guys that well yet - and the last time I accepted help blindly, it didn't end well. Ah... slight tangent, do any of you know what's going on out there with the goblins and the kobolds? I have a feeling you probably know why they're in a tizzy."
"You could try asking the king of the kobolds himself." Space Pants performed a grand gesture towards Meepo. "He's sittin' right here."
Meepo perked up, straightening his noble's robes and his crown. The kobold put his arms out wide and bowed before him, while holding his +platinum crown+ on his head with one claw. "We killed most of 'em... I think."
"You should bow, Zeke," said ratNAROk.
"No, no, no! He's not one of my subjects."
"Alright, alright," Zeke said. "Maybe, maybe... I need to get some things in order first... clean these goblin guts out of here, first of all... Yeah. Okay, let me give you something... well, next time we meet, ah..." The badger went back and forth for quite a while, trying to make up his mind. "...Tell ya what, let's take this step by step. Get me those fire snake eggs, show me you can do that first. Then, I'll give you guys something that will let you contact me whenever you need. Sound good?"
"Pocket-dimensional merchant? Sounds good to me!" Meepo said.
"Before we leave," said ratNAROk, "I want you to think about something while we're gone... If you were a god, what power would you occupy?"
ratNAROk turned to leave Zeke with that thought, but the badger answered as he's walking away. "Justice. ...For the people who deserve it. ...and, forgiveness, for those who deserve that."
"Isn't that what everybody wants?" said Alefgard.
"I think that's kind of the actual definition of justice, isn't it?" Meepo looked confused.
"Don't answer so fast," said ratNAROk. "Think about it. Don't answer until you're certain. I look forward to us meeting again."
Space Pants walked up to Zeke, took his giant digging claw in his two tiny cat paws, and shook it vigorously. "Zeke, it was very nice to meet you, I just wanna point out we could have killed you at any time."
"Oh, I would've liked to have seen you try!" Zeke said with a chuckle.
"One last thing before I go," said the cat, "you got anything that might make me harder to hit? Something that isn't actually armor. Like a Ring of Protection?"
"A ring? Uh, I don't think... wait, actually I might--"
"Nevermind, I found it."
Zeke turned to look, and then rushed over to step between Space Pants and the box he was rummaging through, near the eastern door to his dormitory. The box contained all manners of weird items - many things made of metal with glass panels and odd writing on them, twisted cables with different kinds of plugs on their ends, and many square, clear, not-glass cases containing shiny, reflective, not-glass discs. There was something dangling out of the box - a black, fabric strap holding up a strange, metallic device, similar to what Zeke was wearing but with a different sort of screen.
"Oh! Ha ha, hey, don't touch that, those shouldn't be out, ha ha, why don't we go over here instead?"
"What do you got back there, man?" said ratNAROk.
"Ah, it's just my house! I'm sorry, you can't come in. See, I have quite a few things that... don't belong in this world. And, there are people - or, entities - out there who... don't take kindly to drastically altering a culture's development by introducing them to high technology.
"What?"
"I think he just doesn't want to share his dirty magazines with you," said Space Pants.
Zeke was sweating a little. He knew what kind of trouble awaited him if he were to break that rule - but, he also really needed their help. And their money. "Gee, I just can't imagine what would happen if you were to stumble across my deflector shield..." Zeke bumped the box, causing the strapped device to fall out.
Space Pants stared at the device, then up at Zeke. "Dirt merchant, I must have this."
"...Okay, fine, no more games. The simple fact of the matter is, it doesn't belong on your world. If anybody found out you got this from me... well, it might not end well. For either of us. But. Merely to satisfy your curiosity," he said with a wink to the cat.
"Stop talking. Wait. I mean, keep talking."
"If someone were to shoot a missile, or a bullet at you..."
"A missile? Wait, what's a bullet?"
"...uh, like from a sling. Or an arrow. Any small, physical projectile! As long as that thing's charged, it has a chance of deflecting that projectile away from you."
"I'll take it," said Space Pants. "Take Erky."
Zeke ignored that. "See, something like this, since you can't get it anywhere else, I couldn't let it go for less than... 2,000 gold."
"I thought I had so much gold until I came here," complained Space Pants.
"Let's get those snake eggs," said Edward, "then maybe this stuff will be a little more affordable."
"Zeke?" said Meepo, "Do you happen to know if we need a magic weapon to hurt the fire snakes? And also, can we finish our rest here by your fire?"
"Oh, yes, of course! As for--"
"Great, tell them." Meepo immediately curled up next to the fire and went to sleep.
"...Right. As for the fire snakes, yeah, they resist non-magical attacks, and are immune to fire. Try using cold against them! I think there's a nest of wild ones somewhere around those gardens, but if you go into goblin territory, through the door in the northeast of the room we came from, I think they have a nest of tamed ones. You'll probably get better eggs there. Anyway, I'll go whip up a pot of beefstew if you guys are sticking around to finish your rest. Make yourselves at home!"
Zumies looked up at Zeke and asked, hopefully, "Do you have any ice cream?"
10 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (5 Days Until Solstice)
=============
(https://i.postimg.cc/xT0DGJzM/84-coffee.png)
Meepo stood and stretched his back. "Finally got all my spells back! You fighter types have no idea."
As the party was getting ready to leave, Zeke snuck over to Erky to have a private conversation. "Hey, man, yesterday you sounded like you really wanted to get away from these guys. Do you want to hitch a ride with me?"
Erky looked over his shoulder, then sighed. "Nah, I'm good. These guys might accidentally accomplish something pretty great for the area, so... Might as well see this through, and somebody should keep an eye on them anyway."
Meepo, sitting nearby, overheard. "Thank you, Erky, I appreciate that."
"I appreciate you, Meepo," said Erky. "Thank you for being one of the good ones."
"C'mon, what are we waiting for?" ratNAROk hoisted his silvered greataxe over his shoulder. "We've got five days left until the solstice - that's when the apple grows! We don't want to miss it."
ratNAROk checked the door Zeke had mentioned, which was also the door the goblins and bugbear were running in and out of. "Somebody with a light, come in here!"
"Right behind you," said Meepo, bearing a torch.
(https://i.postimg.cc/2jFGpw0L/85-lab-ne.png)
The chests in this room were full of spare weapons - battered scimitars, shoddy short bows, crude or worn weapons stashed away by Belak's goblin minions. There were plenty of arrows lying around for the party to restock, but ratNAROk was unable to find a lantern.
"Hmm," ratNAROk pondered. "This must be the way towards the goblins, but I don't want to leave anything behind us in case it's a threat that might sneak up on us later."
"Let us finish searching this laboratory," said Sergei. "Who knows what that druid might have crafted here?"
The mouse barbarian opened the door to the south. Taking a cursory glance around the room, the first thing he spotted was the bushes growing in the corner.
"Hello, what's this?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/WzZg1nWh/86-lab-se-secret.png)
Without waiting for anybody's response, ratNAROk pushed the branches aside and found a secret passage. It seemed the fissure from the ground's shifting during the citadel's fall cracked a hole through this wall, allowing passage into the chasm.
"ratNAROk, don't go too far!" Bubb called after him.
"I'm a mouse," replied ratNAROk, "I've gotta see where the hole in the wall goes."
(https://i.postimg.cc/dtGYcgzm/87-rat-blights.png)
As the barbarian trekked through the chasm, the bushes further in sprang to life and tried to grab him!
"Knew it! Not today, kindling." ratNAROk punched the bush in the throat - or at least, whereever he thought its throat must be - and the twig monster crumbled apart like rotten timber. These blights seemed more frail than the ones they'd fought earlier, each going down in a single hit. "Perhaps killing the big twig blight had something to do with that?" ratNAROk thought. He preemptively attacked every bush he encountered, but each was already alert and waiting for him to come by, taking a swipe as soon as he stepped into range.
"Shouldn't we go in there and help?" said Meepo.
"Alefgard, get in there!" Edward egged his friend on.
"They're trees, shoot 'em with flames," suggested Zumies.
"Great idea," said Space Pants. The cat launched a Fire Bolt at the inert bushes directly in front of them, setting the passage on fire.
"That one wasn't moving," Bubb said flatly.
"Well it definitely ain't moving anymore," said the sorcerer.
By this point, ratNAROk had continued on and made it to the end of the chasm by himself, snapping the blights apart with his bare paws instead of his axe. As the party turned towards the burning bushes to brave jumping through, Zumies took advantage of the distraction and helped himself to the closet.
(https://i.postimg.cc/s2j5yHPN/89-goodsearch.png)
As the half-elf searched the wardrobe, he absentmindedly rubbed his jade, copper-wired dragon pendant between his thumb and forefinger, feeling the smoothness of the cold stone. Then, from a hook on the inside of the wardrobe, he saw something hanging by a shoulder strap that made him gasp - it was a leather messenger back with a smiling, jolly face on its flap.
"Ah-- a Bag of Holding!" Zumies held his prize over his head, triumphant with his slightly-better-than-lucky find. Somewhere, a dormant entity had smiled upon the rogue's fortune.
"Oh! Very nice!" Alefgard turned and nodded satisfactorily at the bag. "Now, the question is how much can we sell it to the badger for?"
"At least all of the catnip," said Space Pants.
"Wait, you didn't buy any?"
"I got bored and did some catnip instead."
Now that the flames were dying down, Space Pants, Meepo, Bubb, and Zumies moved into the chasm to catch up to ratNAROk, while the others stayed behind. They came to an intersection in the chasm, with one passage going north, one going west, and two to the south. The north passage looked like it went back to the twig blight garden they were in before, through the south door they hadn't opened. The west passage was a dead end. The two passages to the south differed greatly from one another: The first was a smoothed and tiled path with a door at the end, part of the dungeon that had been separated from the main structure in the collapse, and the second was a natural cavern that smelled of sulfur and burning peat. Many charred, smoking holes, two feet in diameter each, dotted the ground.
"I punch the rock." ratNAROk punched a rock. "Aw, no rock blight."
"I'd have been real impressed if you broke that rock like you did those trees," said Space Pants.
ratNAROk looked around, and saw a glowing light coming from one of the holes. Without a word a warning, he jumped down into the hole - and only made it about waist deep, before his feet kicked something in the head!
"Screeee!!"
Whatever the meadowguard's feet were touching was red hot. A second snake appeared behind Meepo as they mobilized to defend their lair. ratNAROk scrambled out of the hole and entered a rage as he stood and readied his axe.
Distracted by an ore vein in the wall, Zumies turned and dashed towards the sound of combat, using his roguish Cunning Action to leap deftly into position and take a shot with his magic crossbow, but misjudged his own momentum as he skidded into position and missed.
The snakes screeched and lashed their tails and gnashed their teeth, but ratNAROk and Meepo both deftly dodged every attack they threw out. Meepo disengaged to get out from between the snakes, and summoned a Spiritual Weapon in the form of a nodachi. Bubb joined his own giant fly Spiritual Weapon to Meepo's - both fly and sword swooped in and bit and slashed at the snakes, fending them back.
ratNAROk glanced at the spiritual sword and laughed. "Hey, the nodachi I wanted! Next time we see Zeke, show him that spell so he knows what I'm looking for."
"Hmph!" Sergei snorted and dashed through the fire, relying on his natural dragonborn resistance to protect him from burning. Edward, Alefgard, and Erky followed close behind, leaping over the smoldering flames.
Space Pants sees the snakes. Space Pants is deathly afraid of snakes. Space Pants flees, bumping into Zumies and vomiting on his shoe. "Blegh-- Get away from me!!"
"Ugh!" said Zumies. "Bad kitty! No more catnip for you."
"Over your dead... hold on." Space Pants vomited on Zumies' other shoe. "There. That's an improvement for you."
"Great. Thanks."
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZnKzwk14/88-firesnakes.png)
First time I've had to break a session up into two posts - the previous post would have gone over the character limit had I gone any further! Once we get out of this dungeon and finally dive into the real story, I expect this to happen more often as there will be a lot more detail to share per session.
=============
The fire snake rose up out of its hole, glaring down at ratNAROk. The air around it rippled, excited by the immense heat radiating off the creature's body. The barbarian sneered. "I ain't scared of you."
Reaching out, ratNAROk grasped the snake around its neck. The heat seared his paws, but in his rage, ratNAROk only laughed at the pain. With a squeaking, shrieking yell, the mouse man hoisted the snake over his head, carried it forward a few steps, and threw it towards the mouth of the cavern. Zumies, surprised and in its path, nimbly sidestepped out of the way as the snake landed on its face in front of him, but then misjudged its speed as it writhed out of the way of his rapier. In retaliation, the fire snake sunk its teeth into Zumies's leg, just as its brethren too scored a scorching strike on ratNAROk's shoulder.
"Ha ha ha ha!" laughed the small mouseman, his eyes bulging with rage. "That's chump damage!"
"Their hides seem resistant to non-magical attacks!" cried Meepo. "Well, let's see them resist this!" The kobold cleric put all his might into a fully-powered Toll the Dead. Half of the snake's face rotted away with necrotic damage, but enraged, it only made the coals in its eyes burn hotter.
"Don't throw that thing at me!" Space Pants disengaged and ran away, back up the echoing chasm. Edward, Alefgard, Sergei, and Erky were running towards him, alerted to the sound of combat echoing through the chasm walls. The cat started waving them the other direction. "Don't worry guys, the elf's got 'em, he said to just leave him. Just let him go. Just let them all go and turn around. Everyone go home, nothin' to see back here."
"Hah!" laughed Erky, "Some great and powerful 'hero' you turned out to be."
Space Pants stuck out his leg and tripped Erky, causing the gnome to fall on the stone floor and chip a tooth.
"Ack!" Erky felt the sharp, bloodied tooth with the tip of his tongue, and glared at Space Pants. "Wonderful. Now I will always have this reminder that you are still at large. You've made sure I won't forget."
"Erky wanted to forgive Space Pants," the voice of Momuz Freeman said in the gnome's head.
Meanwhile, Bubb commanded its giant fly of a Spiritual Weapon to devour the rotting snake, bypassing its resistance with force damage - and yet, the snake continued to fight on. Bubb turned its attention to the other and cast a Guiding Bolt at it, lighting it up with a radiant glow that exposed its weak points.
"Hyaaah!" ratNAROk, having dropped his greataxe, reached for a scimitar and slashed at the fire snake. Through his divine fury, he channeled radiant energy into his strike, slicing through the fire snake's thick hide and cutting it down for good. The snake's scorching hot body burned ratNAROk's hand upon striking, but the barbarian only laughed at the pain as he charged on towards the second snake, just as Sergei ran up on its flank.
As the snake turned to face the charging mouse warrior, Zumies took advantage of the distraction and snuck in a stab with his rapier. The blade, non-magical, was deflected somewhat by the fire snake's hide, and Zumies too was burned at the touch. "Gah! Stupid rapier!" As luck would have it, the snake remained distracted with being pinned between Sergei and ratNAROk, giving Zumies an opportunity to hide out of its sight.
Surrounded and alone, the remaining snake attempted to burrow underground to get away. Sergei, ratNAROk, and Zumies each took a swing as it fled, but it managed to slip away.
"I'm goin' after it!" The hole was about two feet wide, so ratNAROk dove in and dug the hole open wider. The snake was a little slow to get away, and when they saw its head poking up, ratNAROk grabbed onto the snake's head, while Sergei grabbed on to ratNAROk's waist.
"C'mon, dragon man! This snake's burnin' my hands! Let's yank it out!!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/br13ZzrK/90-snakepull.png)
The fighter and the barbarian pulled together, even as ratNAROk's paws continued to singe, but fighting for its survival, the fire snake pulled harder. It drew ratNAROk head-first into the hole, but Sergei caught him by the ankle just before he was dragged inside.
"ratNAROk, let it go!"
"Never! C'mere, you stupid snake!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/xTp7zd1z/91-snakepullcrit.png)
With the fur of his paw still smoldering, the barbarian ripped the snake from its hole by its throat and dragged it back into the open. Before it could get up, Meepo cast Toll the Dead on it, putting it out of its misery.
"Looks like snake's on the menu tonight!" ratNAROk immediately set to butchering the fire snake, his mouth watering as he imagined gorging himself on the fiery, already-cooked meat.
As the fight settled, Zumies took a look around to get his bearings. The den was situated in a cave about fifteen feet away from a finished and tiled hallway. As Akmammestthos, the Sunken Citadel sunk into the earth, a section of the citadel appeared to have shifted about twenty-five feet south-west, as evidenced by the very fissue they were standing in. The ceiling went up high into the darkness, much higher than his darkvision could see, and there was little vegetation. Surprisingly, despite how deep underground they were, there were roots sticking out from between the rock down here, particularly down closer to the ground, not up the walls as one would expect.
Zumies paused to inspect the fire snake that ratNAROk was butchering. Between its teeth, he spotted what appeared to be chips of broken gemstones. Sapphire, even.
"Huh... uh, let me help you with that!"
"Knock yourself out, friend!" As ratNAROk cut into the flesh of the snake's tail, Zumies used his dagger to open its gut, cutting through its steaming flesh to open its stomach. Sure enough, inside were many bits and flakes of crushed gemstones, apparently eaten by the beast. He pocketed a handful of the bloody gem chips while no one was looking.
"Spicy snakes have expensive taste," Sergei said, suddenly appearing behind Zumies.
Zumies hurried up and threw a cloth over his pilfered gemstones, acting natural so as not to call his behavior into question. "Zeke said these were the wild ones, and they had trained ones inside. I suspect the local goblins have been winning their favor by offering them precious gemstones."
"Then it's no wonder they're so defensive over their nest. Come, let us search for those eggs."
Space Pants peeked around the corner. "Are... are they dead yet?"
ratNAROk saw Space Pants still quivering over the snakes, and pat him on the shoulder. "Space Pants, if we started a band, it'd be called 'catNAROk.'"
"No, it'd be called 'Cutter 5,'" said the cat.
"Let's find what we came for," said Sergei. The dragonborn looked around. There were many small, two-foot diameter holes peppering the floor where the snakes had burrowed in and out, but no obvious nests. Grunting, the fighter checked beneath a nearby boulder, using his powerful muscles to move it aside. As he suspected, a shallow nest lay beneath, containing one egg, and a medium sapphire, as large as one's thumb.
"Ah-hah!" Sergei knelt down to lift up the egg and the sapphire. As soon as he did, the ground shook, and three more fire snakes burst from the ground to defend their nest!
(https://i.postimg.cc/Yq4VyYdb/92-snakesround2.png)
"Nope ropes!" cried ratNAROk.
"Danger noodles!" shouted Sergei.
"Squiggly 'tude dudes!" ratNAROk kept going.
Edward turned to Alefgard. "Hey, these are fire snakes, you dig?"
"We're all bunched up," said the wizard. "Ice Knife would not be the greatest idea right now."
As they planned, one of the snakes got close to Alefgard, and he had to do something. He brought his hands together to form a Thunderclap, blasting the snake with a loud BANG that reverberated down the echoing chasm corridor. Then, he touched Sergei's longsword and cast Magic Weapon. The dragonborn's masterwork longsword glowed with an ethereal blue light.
"That should help you cut through their hide!"
Just then, the fire snake shook off the sonic blast and lunged at Alefgard. Sergei Protected the wizard by interposing his shield between the attack. "Thank you, funny tome man."
"No, thank you-- watch out!"
A second snake slid past ratNAROk, Edward, and Alefgard and went straight after Sergei, who had pilfered the egg. This snake was larger than the others, perhaps the alpha or the queen of the nest, depending on how these snakes worked. A gnashing bite and a broad, critical strike from its tail pushed the fighter back - but most of its damage came from the heat of its body, which the dragonborn resisted. The last slithered past Zumies to flank Edward with the one that just moved in on Sergei.
"Aw, who said there could be more snakes?" Space Pants threw a random cantrip at a random person, casting the first thing on his mind. A Minor Illusion of a fourth fire snake appeared in Erky's space, partially obscuring the gnomish cleric.
"What the heck is this?!" Erky poked his head out through the stomach of the illusory snake.
"You'll thank me later!" Space Pants fled down the chasm hall.
Edward stabbed the fire snake that went after Sergei, and shouted a Healing Word at him. "You got this, big guy!"
Bubb reached out and grabbed a snake, dissentegrating it with Inflict Wounds. The snake's flesh rotted and sloughed off, leaving only the skeleton in its hand as its flies set upon the messy feast at its feet. Bubb held onto its skeleton for later.
Erky stepped over the mess created by the sentient swarm of flies, and rushed over to ratNAROk. "I know you don't like to call out when you need healing, but you need healing!" The gnome cast Cure Wounds, closing some of the barbarian's injuries. ratNAROk grunted out something unintelligible by way of thanks.
Silently, Zumies crept up behind the snake assaulting Edward and snuck a stab at it, stabbing clean between its scales and shrugging off the burns from its heated body. Meanwhile, Sergei protected the egg in his hand, slashing back with his masterwork longsword, and again with a surge of adrenaline while catching his second wind. His blade glowed with the blue light of Alefgard's magic, cutting through the snake's defenses like paper. ratNAROk hacked at the snake Zumies was fighting with his dual scimitars, but its body was especially hot and burnt the mouse man severely in retribution.
Meepo pointed his yklwa at a fire snake near the rear and cast Toll the Dead - but nothing happened. The snake stayed perfectly still, unmoved by the attack or anything else around it.
"What... Space Pants! Your illusion!"
"Don't blame me, you shoulda been payin' attention!"
Meepo grumbled and resummoned his spiritual weapon. The gilded nodachi appeared next to him and slashed clean through the snake to his left, beheading and felling the beast. Alefgard Thunderclapped again, ringing its skull with another eardrum-shattering crash.
In a last-ditch effort to save its nest, the larger snake lunged at Sergei, trying to coil around him and drag him underground. However, Sergei blocked it easily, bouncing its face off his shield as he repelled the attack. "Come back when you have arms and legs!"
Space Pants heroically peeked around the corner. Space Pants saw there were still snakes. Space Pants heroically ducked back behind the corner.
"Next time we break for lunch, somebody leave a cucumber behind him while he's eating," ratNAROk laughed. "That'll really scare him!"
"C'mon, let's finish this!" said Edward. "This snake is on its last legs!" The bard stabbed away again at the snake. It turned and hissed at him, but Bubb finished it with Toll the Dead, ending the fight.
"Alright, that's one," said Zumies. "Let's see if there are any more nests to dig up..." Pushing aside another boulder, the rogue uncovered another nest. This one was full of cracked egg shells, and one small sapphire.
Meepo looked around at all the two-foot wide holes dotting the floor of the cavern. "ratNAROk, you can fit down those holes, right? Take a rope with you this time and see if you can--."
Before Meepo could finish his sentence, ratNAROk jumped into the nearest hole, without the rope. Diving in head-first, the barbarian quickly saw his first mistake.
"Uh... it's dark in here! Somebody got a light?"
Bubb touched ratNAROk's robe and cast Light. With magical light radiating from his shoulders, ratNAROk squirmed his way into the tunnel, until he found a fork in the path. He could tell the path to the right had been used more recently, but that was all he could glean at a glance.
"Hmm... What could that tell me..." ratNAROk scratched his head. "If the right was used more recently, then that means there's more bad guys, which obviously means there's more treasure. And I want that money money!"
The barbarian climbed through the right tunnel. It wasn't long before the path opened up to a den. A clutch of three baby fire snakes - still as large as the small mouse man - rose up from their nest and immediately came towards ratNAROk.
"Oh, snack! ...Uh oh!"
ratNAROk tried to put up his swords, but the tunnel he was climbing through was only as wide as he was! Turning around, dodging, and moving in general was very difficult from where he was. The snakes surrounded him quickly, nipping at his face, hitting more easily since he was partially restrained in the tunnel.
"Ow! Ha ha, you guys are cute! I'm taking one of you with me!"
The barbarian grabbed the nearest baby snake and bit its head, channeling radiant fury as he did so. However, the snakes were tougher than expected, and even the young were more than capable of putting up a fight. All three retaliated, leaving bites and burns all over the barbarian's body.
"Ack! Sonuva... I'll get you! C'mere!"
Outside the hole, the others could hear their ally's cursing and shouting, but because of the size of the hole, were unable to help.
"There he goes again," Edward rolled his eyes.
"Mouse man, do you need assistance?" Sergei called down the hole.
As ratNAROk turned to reply, he saw a fourth snake coming up the tunnel behind him. "Oh, snap-- I'm out!" Pushing against the walls of the tunnel with all his might, the barbarian shoved himself backwards, trying to kick his way through the enemy behind him. The baby snakes in front all took a strike as he was fleeing, one of them scoring a critical hit on his wrist.
"That's it - you're comin' with me!"
Still clutching the fire snake he'd bitten, ratNAROk overpowered the beast and dragged it out of the tunnel with him. His paw singed and smoked as its heated body burned at his flesh, and the snake snapped at the barbarian's face again and again, but he didn't care. The pain only made him relish his rage more.
The enraged mouse man held up the fire snake, almost as large as he was, victoriously for all to see, even as it writhed and hissed and fought against his grasp. "First babies I've come across that attacked back!"
There was a long pause, then Bubb asked, "...Hold up. These were the first babies who fought back? Do you frequently attack babies?"
"D'uhh, um... Goblins, troglodytes, y'know, that stuff!"
"That is a horribly dark statement," Edward shook his head.
"Fine, whaddaya want me to do with this?" The snake jerked again in ratNAROk's still-smoldering paw. "I need opinions!"
"Make a belt out of it," suggested Zumies.
"That'll take too long," said ratNAROk. "It burns."
"Maybe you should put it down," said Sergei. "It seems to be causing you... discomfort."
The mouse man's eye twitched as he held onto the snake tighter. The smell of burnt fur was apparent to everybody. "Nah, it's fine! I've spent a lot of time in kitchens. I've got what you call 'chef hands.'"
"I can see the blisters forming."
"Those aren't blisters, those are callouses!"
Meepo cast Toll the Dead on the snake to put an end to the charade, but the snake held onto life and kept thrashing and burning ratNAROk. The barbarian just kept laughing at the pain.
"Enough!" Edward tried to grab the snake and pull it away, but ratNAROk yanked it out of the way first.
"Hold up! There's something I want to do first." The snake's body burned ratNAROk's hand even more.
"No, just kill it already!" Space Pants panicked and fired the first cantrip he could think of at it. A Fire Bolt shot from his finger at the snake, but was absorbed entirely by its warm hide. "Dang, well, I've tried everything."
"Let's just let this play out," said Bubb, watching hungrily as ratNAROk crept closer and closer to succumbing under the damage of the fire snake's heated body. Its flies buzzed excitedly in anticipation. "Let's respect his wishes and see how this goes."
"...You're just waiting for my meat to be cooked, aren't you?"
"Cooked? No, no... We don't discriminate. But fresh is good."
(https://i.postimg.cc/Mp8mqXCJ/93-almostgothim.png)
Meepo cast Toll the Dead again, finishing off the snake. Edward cast a Healing Word on him, patching some of his wounds - but not all. ratNAROk soon learned that his actions had lasting consequences; Having held onto the snake's burning hot body for so long, his off-hand was completely charred, unable to move and in constant, searing pain. He would be unable to use that hand without proper treatment.
"Aw, sweet! When this heals back up, I'm not gonna be able to feel anything!"
"If it heals up," admonished Sergei. "You are a fool."
The kobold tsked as he looked at ratNAROk's hands. "I bet you grew up lying constantly about doing your homework," Meepo said to ratNAROk.
"Bold of you to assume I did any of my homework at all!"
Bubb pat ratNAROk on the back. A flood of maggots poured out from its wrist, squirming and munching on the barbarian's charred flesh, healing him in the most sickening way possible. "Mmm... maybe next time."
"I hate this game," said Space Pants.
"Oh, hey, there was another path, I'm going back--"
"No, no, you're not." Bubb dispelled his Light spell so ratNAROk could no longer see down the hole. Sergei moved the boulder over top of the hole to keep the snakes in, and ratNAROk out.
"D'aww..."
With the nest cleared out, the party moved on to the smoothed and tiled hallway they had passed, just next door. At the end of the hall was a stone door that was wedged shut in its doorframe. Sergei put his weight against it, but it did not budge. He tried again, and the second time, the door dislodged, revealing the room beyond.
(https://i.postimg.cc/SsFrVh8k/94-bluelight.png)
The room was illuminated by three wall sconces, each with a blue Continual Flame cast within. The walls and floor had some kind of mosaic pattern at one point, but most pieces had long since fallen and lay shattered upon the floor. In the center of the room was an iron dragon statue, holding a plate with scorch marks in the bottom with its mouth. Against the back wall was a row of sarcophagi. One lay open, revealing the skeletal elven warrior within.
Upon seeing the skeleton, Space Pants's immediate reaction was to reach for Nightcaller, the crystal whistle that raised the dead. "Let's see, how long's it been since I last used this... just before our last rest, so less than 12 hours, but this needs 24... Oh well." Space Pants blew the whistle. Nothing happened.
"Come on, cat man, you're going to break that thing," said Sergei.
Suddenly, Space Pants's ears perked up. He looked all around the room, then narrowed his eyes at the dragon sculpture in the center. "What the @#$! are you talking about?!"
Sergei took a step back. "Uhh, are you... are you talking to me?"
Meepo shrunk back. "M-- me? Meepo didn't say anything..."
Edward lifted an eyebrow. "Um, is the cat alright?"
For a time, no one said anything. Everyone watched Space Pants. Again, the cat looked all around the room, checking the corners, the ceiling, under his own feet. His ears perked up again. "...Yeah, alright." Space Pants blew the whistle a second time.
Ehehehehehee...
(https://i.postimg.cc/rptjSmDf/95-redlight.png)
A sadistic cackle boomed through the room, coming from nowhere and everywhere all at once. Suddenly, the torches all changed color, casting the room in a crimson glow. The skeleton from the open casket rose up, took two steps forward, and awaited Space Pants's command.
Space Pants would have said something, but he realized he was suddenly out of breath. It was more than that, though. He felt weaker, as though a part of himself may have been lost in the effort. Space Pants examined the skeletal warrior, and nodded with satisfaction - of all the beings he had raised with Nightcaller so far, this one seemed to be the most robust. Hopefully, it would prove to be worth the exchange. Space Pants turned towards the party and shrugged.
"Sure, nothing foreboding about this," worried Edward.
Meepo curled up in a corner, placing his shield over himself and peeked out over the top.
Erky looked at Space Pants with wide eyes. "What... what did you do?? I don't know what kind of sorcery you're up to, cat, but you'd better be careful!"
Space Pants scoffed. "Shut up, Erky. There's nothing wrong with summoning an evil skeleton from time to time, alright,? Obviously, I'm a super-powerful cat... and I can do things."
"Snake!" called out Meepo.
"Gah!" Space Pants leapt behind his new evil skeleton. "Stop that!"
Keeping his eye on the prize, Zumies turned his attention towards the collection of items surrounding the iron dragon sculpture. The sculpture appeared to be an altar of sorts, with the items serving as offerings left behind. The first item on the floor in front of him was a human leather bracelet.
"Oh... uh, oh."
Edward, the human bard, perked up. "Did you say something?"
"Uhh..." Zumies hesitated for only a moment before his greed overcame his sense of decency. He held the human leather bracelet up to Edward. "Here, can you identify this?"
"What the-- are you serious??"
"Yikes," said Alefgard. "Read the room, buddy."
Zumies shrugged. "I just think it's neat."
Among the other trinkets left as offering were +chalk flutes+, -chalk harps-, and +gypsum trumpets+. The only items of note were a human bone amulet, and an -aluminum toy boat-.
"We're gonna be here a while if we're identifying all of this," said Alefgard.
"Let me help," said Bubb, casting Detect Magic. They could soon see that none of the items left as offering had any magic to them, but the iron statue was magical - and, something magical could be seen glowing through a compartment in the bottom of the statue.
"Look, there - this statue conceals an item!" Bubb inspected the statue closer, focusing especially on the tray and the scorch marks within. Up close, the fly-infested warforged could see sapphires set in its eyes.
"I bet it's gonna breathe fire on you," said Meepo.
Bubb poured a small amount of oil into the tray and lit it with a tinderbox. The oil burned, but nothing happened.
"Perhaps an offering is required first," said Sergei. After the fire went out, he stepped forward and placed the sapphire he found in the snake's nest in the plate. Nothing happened. "...Perhaps this was not the right course of action."
"It's not enough," said Alefgard.
"Yeah, maybe it has to be worth more," said Meepo.
"Cutter 4... no, 5... Evil Cutter, get in there." Evil Cutter stood silently staring at Space Pants, unable to comprehend his orders. "Great, another dud. Evil Cutter's the worst."
Sergei pulled out a handful of small sapphires he'd collected along the way and started placing them one at a time onto the tray. He placed another, and another, and another, totaling about 80g.
"Okay, now I'll light it on fire," said Bubb.
"No, wait! Not yet..." Sergei placed two more small sapphires, bringing the pile's worth up to 100g. The statue's sapphire eyes lit up, glowing sky blue.
"...Now?"
"Wait." Sergei dropped another small sapphire onto the plate, but nothing changed. Then, he drew forth a sapphire necklace that he had found earlier, worth 80g in its own right, and threw that onto the pile.
Zumies eyes bugged out of his head. "Where did you... wait, not that!"
"...And now I light it on fire!" Bubb doused the gems in oil again, stopping the dragonborn from throwing any more of his wealth onto the offering, now worth 190g in total. As he lit the fire the flames turned blue, and the sconces changed to burn blue once again. A few moments later, the flames subsided - all of the gems that had been on the plate were gone, but the compartment underneath had opened.
(https://i.postimg.cc/mkYBhCfC/96-mengegen.png)
"Sweet," said ratNAROk, "you gave up money so you could pick up a trinket we can sell later."
"You basically bought that," said Space Pants.
Bubb inspected the idol under the effects of Detect Magic. "It seems to be imbued with Transmutation magic."
Sergei picked up the idol, carved into the shape of a dragon in much the same shape as a seahorse. Turning the item over in his hand, he wondered whether it was worth what he had given up. Perhaps whatever entity this was an altar to might be pleased with him.
"wow you just got ripped off," a tiny voice came from the idol.
"Oh my word, did that idol just talk?" Space Pants put his paws to his face in mock fear. "It must be a sentient item!"
"Here, throw me the idol," said Alefgard. Sergei handed it over to the wizard. He inspected the item, but could not glean anything about its history. The carvings looked completely unlike that of any culture he was aware of. Holding it between his thumb and forefinger, he realized what the item did.
"Ah, I see. If you attune to this, you'll be able to climb at a speed of 20 feet, and have an easier time holding on while climbing."
"Hm," said Sergei. "That seems most beneficial to someone who is not very athletic."
Alefgard shrugged. "Alright, I guess you mean me. I can take it, if no one else wants it."
"point me at one enemy and i'll destroy it," the voice from the idol said again.
"...Do you know what's up with that?" said Sergei.
"...I don't know, and I don't detect anything... dangerous? About this item, so I have no idea what it's talking about. Should be fun to find out one day. What's your name, idol?"
No response.
"...Okay, it's Billy. Billy Idol. Nice to meetcha."
Space Pants chuckled to himself for no particular reason. "Let's crush this egg. I've decided I don't want to do this anymore."
"What are you talking about?" said Sergei. "We just need to get this egg to Zeke and that will get us closer to claiming one of his magic items."
"Yeah, I know. I just don't want to do it anymore. I'd rather smash the egg."
"Good thing I'm holding onto it, then."
"What about the sapphires in the eyes of this statue?" said Bubb. "You could replace some of the gems you just lost."
Sergei stared into the statue's glowing eyes. "No... I think it best we leave the statue alone. It is appeased, let us not mess with that."
Space Pants attempted to pull a sconce off the wall, but after several attempts, gave up. "Alright, I'm bored. Let's burn this statue down and go get rid of the egg. ...Can we pick up that statue and take it with us?"
"Ooh, how much do you think Zeke will give us for it?" said ratNAROk.
"It seems to be bolted to the floor," said Sergei. "Does not appear likely to come up." Sergei then took a beat to search around the rest of the room. There did not appear to be any secret doors or other hidden treasures, except perhaps within the sarcophogi. Sergei thought about the last time they saw a bunch of caskets in a row. "I think it's best we move on from this room. We seem to have found everything of value."
"Fine. Then let's get back to that dirt merchant."
The party ventured back through the chasm, back to the lab area where they were attacked by Belak and his many goblins.
"Hey, he's not here!" said Edward. "Where'd that badger go?"
"Hello? Zeke?" Sergei called out. "Where have you gone? We have your egg...s."
"He did say he had to go do something," said Zumies. "We'll probably run into him later. Let's just move on."
Through the northeast door, where the bugbear had entered with his skeletons, the door leading out had been left open, giving way to a large room beyond.
Luminescent fungus grew in every crack in the walls, ceiling, and floor of this wide room. Grand bas-relief carvings, partially obscured by the fungus, show dragons raining fire down upon a panicked people. Small weedy plants grew in the thin layer of soil covering half of the engraved floor, and a nearby bench housed a variety of gardening tools.
(https://i.postimg.cc/3RmJ4gB1/97-gallery1.png)
Alefgard wasted no time peering into the engravings on the floor in search of lost fragments of history.
(https://i.postimg.cc/2ytWJhyp/98-stalkerlessening.png)
"Oh yeah, I heard about that in elf school," Zumies said, feigning interest. "Hm, what have we here?" The half-elf rogue inspected the bench and found himself a hand sickle, small enough to be usable as a light weapon. "Ah! If I sharpen this up, it could be very deadly."
"Just can't help yourself, eh elf?" Space Pants said. "Stealin' in broad daylight. Can't say I'm surprised."
Zumies nodded towards the bush against the north wall. "Why don't you have some catnip and settle down?"
"Catnip?" Space Pants turned to look. Sure enough, some unidentified form of catnip was growing right nearby! "Finally! I thought I was going to run out."
"You sure aren't using it like you're going to run out soon!"
"I didn't say 'soon,' I just meant eventually. I'll always need more. This place is stressful. You guys are stressful."
"Boo," said Bubb.
(https://i.postimg.cc/k5ZKGKCj/99-boosnake.png)
Draped over Bubb's shoulder was the skeleton of the fire snake he'd melted earlier. Space Pants nearly jumped clean out of his fur. "Don't-- don't do that!! Bad Cutter 3!"
10 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Afternoon)
=============
"Luminescent mist... octagonal chamber... glowing fungus... reeking of moss and rot..."
"Meepo!" ratNAROk prodded the napping kobold with the butt of his axe.
"Wha-- whatsit!! I think the gods read the wrong room in my dreams!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't know!!"
"Do you ever?"
"...No!"
The walls glowed purple from nodules of luminescent fungus hanging from the walls. Alefgard scuffed aside the mud and mush from underfoot to inspect another engraving, and gasped:
(https://i.postimg.cc/jq9t40Tn/101-Long-Raunch.png)
"What is with these guys?!" Alefgard exclaimed, nearly retching. "The dragonpriests were elven-- right?? I mean, yes, there was a ton of war up here in the Northwest of the world, but why celebrate so much of their own defeat?"
"To remember," said Sergei, sternly. "So much death... these elves must have suffered a terrible defeat indeed. They sought the favor of the dragons, revering them as gods, sacrificing much that was likely dear to them in the hopes that they'd answer their prayers. And as they carved their halls, they imbued them with tears for their fallen, so that each time they walk by they are reminded of the rage and the fire in their hearts that must not go out until recompense is claimed."
"...How do you know that?"
"I don't. But it's what I would've done."
The gallery room they were in had four doors - there was the door to the northwest that they had come in through, a door north of that, one to the east, and one to the south.
"Which way did that merchant go?" said Meepo. "I bet he went north. We haven't gone north enough, let's go north."
"...He is absolutely right," said ratNAROk, "it's been a really long time since we went north! Let's go that way!"
"Cutter 5," said Space Pants, "Get in there."
(https://i.postimg.cc/9fPT9MPY/102-bugbeargallery.png)
The next room looked very similar to the one they were coming out of. At the other end of the hall was a bugbear with four skeletal gardeners in tow. Their backs were turned. The bugbear seemed to be having trouble opening the north door.
Sergei opened the door and took a step inside. Cutter 5 walked in and, obeying Space Pants' orders, continued walking.
"Space Pants, there are enemies ahead!" said Meepo, as the kobold king squeezed between the big dragonborn's legs to stand next to him. "Call Cutter back!"
"Cutter, I'll let you take that move back, if you want," said Space Pants.
The skeleton stopped in its tracks, then turned around to stare at the cat.
"Cutter, I said get in there," Space Pants demanded suddenly. "I'm breaking the fourth wall a little bit, but just do it."
At the sound of the sorceror's voice and the skeleton's clattering approach, the bugbear turned around. They recognized him as the same bugbear who had come upon them while they were resting.
"Stop, stop!" The bugbear took two steps forward and waved his hands in the air. "We surrender!"
"...You surrender to Meepo?!" said Meepo.
"Yeah, dudes. These goblins are done. We bugbears are out. Let us out. You're gonna kill them all, we're just gardeners, we don't want to die. Just let us out, and we won't give you any trouble."
"Give us your money," said Space Pants, squeezing between Sergei's legs as well to stand on the other side of the dragonborn. "Throw your coinpurse on the ground and leave."
The bugbear reached down to his belt and untied a pouch from it. He pulled his arm back up as if to throw the pouch, then hesitated, looking at the pouch. Grumbling, the bugbear eventually tossed his coinpurse onto the floor in front of the party. "All of us. Right?"
"Yeah, yeah. Everybody can just leave their money and go," said the felis. "No problem. Bye, everybody."
"Yeah, great... uh... okay..."
"We could just kill ya, if you wanna stick around."
"No! No, no, that's okay, um... Alright, guys, come on out."
One by one, four more bugbears rose from the bushes on either side of the party, their hands up and empty and scythes on the ground.
"Hey, I see three more bugbears," said Space Pants, miscounting. "I'd better see three more coin purses."
"Four," Meepo corrected.
"Four, thank you, nervous lizard chum" said Space Pants. "I'd better see five coin purses total here in... How long is an action? Six seconds."
Muttering, grumbling, and avoiding the cat's gaze, a couple of the bugbears dropped their coin purses as they skulked by.
"Not enough pouches!" Meepo shrieked.
"That's three," said Space Pants. "Three of you can leave. The other two better come up with some pouches."
"You're holding one already," said Sergei, cocking an eyebrow.
"I'm a cat," said Space Pants, "I'm too busy to count. Fine, that's four, four of you can leave."
"Before you go," said Zumies, "I want to ask you about this tree, the one with the apple. Where are you hiding it?"
"No one cares about your stupid tree," said Space Pants.
"It's only the entire goal of your quest here," said Meepo, "isn't it?"
"Stick to your catnip," said Zumies. "You've done enough talking for now."
The bugbear they had been talking to from the start stood before them with the last bugbear who didn't have a coinpurse. "I assume you're here for the magic apple," said the bugbear, distracting the party as three of the bugbears snuck past them, with the skeleton gardeners right behind. "Well, you're a few days early. It doesn't grow until the solstice. You've got another five days before that happens."
"That is fine," said Sergei, "we'll just take three."
"You don't get it," said the bugbear. "The tree only produces two apples per year - a red one on the summer solstice, and a white one in winter. There is, and only will be, just the one, for at least another six months if you miss it."
"I'm a cat," said Space Pants, "I'm really good at counting and already figured that out."
"We tried to protest, and they wouldn't back down. But we're not fighting to the death for them, man! We're gardeners, not fighters!"
ratNAROk laughed. "Bugbears on strike. I love it."
"Get out," said Space Pants. "Just get out."
The bugbears started to leave.
"Wait, wait, where you goin'?" Space Pants jumped in front of them. "We're still missin' a pouch."
ratNAROk eyed the skeleton gardeners sneaking by to escape, inspecting the long gardening hoes each carried, and put a hand on his axe. "Drop your hoes."
The skeletons stopped, and looked at the first bugbear. He nodded, and the skeletons dropped their tools and kept shambling by.
Space Pants jabbed a paw in Erky's direction. "You see this guy right here? Last bugbear that didn't give him his pouch, he's wearin' his face right now."
Erky scratched his nose. "But I'm not wearing anything over my... Hey!"
"Erky imagined running towards Space Pants in a field of flowers, embracing one another as lost friends from old times long past would, and crying openly as they shared their deepest vulnerabilities with one another in a heart-to-heart reunion that lasted for hours and hours, and ended with a lifetime of laughter and wonder," said the disembodied voice of Momuz Freeman.
"What the-- You worked way too hard on that one!" Erky cried.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Space Pants.
The last bugbear, trying not to quiver, said, "I don't... I don't have a pouch. I have nothing."
"Alright, then," said Space Pants. "Drop your cloak."
"What?!"
"You heard me. You don't have a pouch, right? Well then, you must have nothin' to hide! Leave everything you're wearing, and you can go."
"I will not-- this is degrading!"
"Erky, help him out of his robes."
"I, uh... No. That's gross."
"Come on, man, don't do this," pleaded the bugbear.
Space Pants stepped forward. He was living for this. "I'll give you three choices: A pouch, all your clothes, or your life. Which is it gonna be?"
"Look, I'm not hiding anything." The bugbear flapped open his robe to show his belt.
"What's that?" said Space Pants, pointing at a silver clip on one side.
"This-- aw, @#$%!" The bugbear cursed loudly. Reluctantly, he removed the clipped item. It was a silver hair pin with a sapphire set in it. "...Will this... be enough?"
"Yep, that's fine. Toss it on the ground and have a nice day."
The two bugbears looked at each other, their gaze hardening. At length, he stared Space Pants in the eyes, memorizing the cat's face, before finally chucking the hairpin at the ground angrily. Without another word, the first and the last bugbear stormed out of the room together, leaving the party alone with their actions.
"I've accepted that we're not the heroes," said ratNAROk. "It's taken 'til now."
The party stood around in silence, looking awkwardly at each other, at the pouches, at the door where the bugbears went, anywhere but at themselves.
"Alright," said Space Pants, "how much gold did we get?"
"Man, I wanted to kill 'em all," said Zumies.
"This is milestone experience," reminded Meepo.
"There's experience in this?"
"...You know what, nevermind."
"You guys are killin' me," said Alefgard. "What's in the pouches? Did they drop a jelly donut punch card?"
Space Pants was already dumping the pouches onto the ground. "Anybody good at coin math? I don't feel like counting this."
Altogether, the pouches contained 23 silver, 11 copper, and a button. The button was almost solid black as obsidian, save for one small, white marbled stripe across the center.
"You guys can take all the money," said Zumies. "I'll just take the button."
"Really?" said Edward, shrugging. "Alright, then. Want me to at least Identify it?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah! Great idea!"
Alefgard raised an eyebrow, confused by Zumies' odd request. He made a mental note to himself, but said nothing.
"So, where's this apple?" said Space Pants.
"You just said you didn't give a @#$%! about the tree!!" cried Meepo.
"So which way is the tree?" said Zumies. "Those bugbears didn't answer that when I asked 'em."
"Ah, what if we send Cutter to go bring one of those bugbears back?"
"I was totally gonna suggest that!" said Meepo.
"Again?!" said Edward.
Zumies knelt down to the ground, and picked up a pair of fisher berries growing from the loose soil. "Huh, maybe these are magical too. I'll hang onto these for when we stop to Identify stuff."
"...You've already forgotten what we were just talking about, haven't you?"
"First rule of thievin'," said Zumies, "grab it first and it's yours. Were you sayin' something?"
"...Wow, this is... I'm gonna just walk away," said the bard, tiptoeing past the rogue.
Zumies shrugged, and headed for the north door. The olivine door was locked. "Humm..." First, the half-elf took out the dragon-crested Noble's key, but it would not fit inside the keyhole.
"I get the feeling we won't need that key anymore," said Sergei.
"Yeah, you're probably right. Still cool, though." Zumies slipped the key back into his pocket.
Space Pants shook his head at Zumies. "How embarrassing for you. The rogue, ladies and gentlemen, tried to unlock a door using a key he's already used, and failed. Great job, elf. Really reaching to the bottom of your reportoire for us here."
Zumies ignored Space Pants. "Welp, there's always 'plan B.'" The rogue took out his thieves' tools and carefully picked the lock. The latch opened silently.
"Good, good," Sergei whispered. "Now, slooowly open the--"
Zumies stood to the side and shoved open the door.
(https://i.postimg.cc/k4mtQSw1/103-dirtmerchant.png)
Luminescent mist shrouded the room in a faint purple glow. The octagonal chamber before Zumies was covered with a peat floor, dotted with glowing fungus. The humidity of the room was overpowering, reeking of moss and rot.
"Huh?!" The badger merchant whipped his head around towards the door. "I thought I locked that-- oh! It's you guys!"
"All kinds of stuff in here," said Zumies, ignoring Zeke entirely to instead inspect a +Pine bucket+ on the floor at his feet.
"Zeke!" Meepo shouted with glee.
"Hey, Zeke!" said ratNAROk. "Don't mind Zumies; He's got a one-track mind, but tonight, it seems one of his wheels has come off the track."
"Is it 'night' already?" Zeke looked at a device strapped to his wrist. "No. No, it's only 2:30."
Edward blinked. "Huh? What's that?"
The badger winced. "G'yah- I mean... uh, it's a little earlier than that! Heh heh!"
"Good news, Zeke!" Space Pants marched into the chamber and stepped right up to the badger's camp fire. "I found all your snake eggs for ya."
"Oh, wonderful!" Zeke licked his lips. "How many did you get?"
Space Pants crossed his arms and turned back towards the party. "I dunno... Guys, how many did we get?"
"Uh, I have one," said Sergei.
Silence.
"...Uh," Zeke said at last, "you got one?"
"We got more," said Sergei, "but I only have one on my person."
"I would've gotten you a snake," said ratNAROk, forlorn.
"Show him your hand," said Space Pants.
ratNAROk held up his charred palm. Zeke's face would have turned white were it not for his black fur. "Yikes! Don't worry, I think I have something that can take care of that." The badger walked forward, pulling out from a pouch on his side a round container. Bubb recognized this container, as he had one himself; A jar of Keoghtom's Ointment. Zeke swabbed a glob of the healing goo onto ratNAROk's hand. In moments, the skin knitted itself together, and ratNAROk was able to bend his fingers again.
"Aw, rats, I can feel things again."
"...You're welcome. So, you got just the one egg, then?"
"We definitely got another, right guys?" said Meepo.
"The second nest only had broken eggs," said Zumies.
"And the hole only had angry babies," said ratNAROk.
"Oh... We got one!" exclaimed Meepo.
Zeke sighed. "You guys didn't check the room next door, didja?"
"Uhh..." Sergei glanced at the door to their right. "We were really feeling 'north' today."
"Thought so, it's been quiet. That door over there is where they keep the domesticated snakes. That's where I thought you guys were gonna go."
"We found our eggs in a cave way down to the south," said Meepo.
"You mean 'egg,'" said Zeke with a frown. "So, you got one of the wild ones, huh? I've never tried those before. Wonder how it'll taste... but one isn't really enough for much, to be frank."
"Wait, the eggs are right next door?" said Space Pants. "Why'd you send us to go get 'em when you could just walk in and grab 'em yourself?"
"Because I didn't feel like it, obviously," said Zeke.
"We can go back," said Meepo. "It's right there, you can wait here for five minutes, right?"
"If our one egg's no good for ya," said ratNAROk, "we'll just take it back."
"Cutter, go get eggs," said Space Pants. The skeleton walked over to the door and waited.
Zeke cracked his neck and stretched. "You know what... I could use a workout. A nest of fire snakes is a bit much for me to take on by myself, but with you guys, this should be a walk in the park. Let's go get those eggs."
Zumies suddenly snapped to attention, and looked at the badger as if seeing him for the first time. "He's coming with us? Cool! Let's go, Zeke."
With that, the rogue headed over towards the door Zeke had indicated to inspect it for traps. While Zumies did that, ratNAROk said to Zeke, "Oi, wot's the big idea locking doors in the dungeon? Kind of a chump move."
"Oh, man." Zeke shook his head. "You would not believe these stupid goblins. First, they come in trying to sell me junk - says he's got some rare dragon artifact, it's a piece of wood covered in rat fur stuck on with chewed up prickle berries."
"Ew."
"Yeah, and while they had me distracted, they tried to sneak out of my sett with that killer mask without payin' for it. That's why I had to kill 'em all, naturally."
"Wait, wait, wait, wait," said ratNAROk. "Slow down. Are ye tellin' me... that you don't just... cut their heads off?"
"I mean, I did, one or two of 'em--"
"Yeah, but ye were tryin' to deal with 'em first?"
"Yeah, I don't understand," said Space Pants, "Why don't you just kill them on sight like everybody else does?"
"It's kind of hard for a business to survive if I kill all of my potential customers before they have a chance to give me their money! Besides, I did end up killing them, since, again, they tried to rob me. That's why I locked everything up - see, I was hoping to cook 'em up with a little passive aggression to see if they'd come crawling back with something worthwhile. But, one thing's for sure, I'm not looking forward to seeing whatever tricks they've got up their sleeve next time."
"I get it now," said Space Pants, his eyes lighting up with a new purpose. "He didn't just cut their heads off... He sold them stuff, and then he cut their heads off. The man's an inspiration and a legend."
"Ah, got it!" said ratNAROk, snapping his fingers. "So then, it's not stealing!"
"Yep! A true work of genius, I tell ya."
"Uhh... Sure, let's go with that," the badger said uneasily.
"Erky just stood there, like a boob," said Momuz Freeman's voice in Erky's head.
"Quit it!"
Zeke backed away. "Is he... alright?"
"He's Erky," said Space Pants, "That's all you need to understand. It'll make sense later."
Meepo healed himself, and then healed Zumies as well with Cure Wounds. "So, wait, Mr. Badger, if you're going to help us get the eggs, will you still give us the same discount?"
Zeke rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, normally I do charge for mercenary services, and you're kinda hiring me to do my own job, sooo..."
"So, yes?"
"We'll work it out later," Zeke shrugged. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you guys."
"Oh, well... alright, if you say so!"
"Don't worry about the mercenary stuff," said Space Pants, pointing at Erky. "Leave that to this psychopath."
"Pfft. Coming from the 'felonous feline...'"
"Erky felt the need to kill. Erky needed to kill."
Erky stared at Space Pants, and nodded to the voice of Momuz Freeman in his head. "Hmm... Hm, yes, perhaps... Just one, if only one..."
Space Pants snapped his paws in Erky's face, pretending not to notice what the gnome had said in his direction. "Hey, hey goblin slayer. I'm over here."
(https://i.postimg.cc/W3FRZXwf/104-sp-outline.png)
"...You cast Minor Illusion to paint an outline of where you were standing five seconds ago."
"Yeah, you crazy gnome, you were looking at me like you looked at those goblins. Now pay attention, we're gonna open the door now."
Erky just stood back and smiled. Two can play at this game, cat. You'll see.
Sergei braced himself as he opened the east door. The octagonal room within was similar to the one Zeke was camping in, but smelled of sulfur and ash. Burnt and smoldering shrubbery dotted the dirt floor of the room, and like the snake nest before, small holes dotted the ground everywhere where the creatures might lie in wait.
Zumies and Meepo scanned the room, looking and listening for signs of trouble. "Seems quiet," the rogue whispered. Cautiously, Zumies stepped into the room, and stopped to inspect a patch of mushrooms growing in a corner. One of the mushrooms had a green cap segmented into four parts, causing it to look like a clover. "Hm, what have we here? I think I recognize this one. Let's pick it and try it out later."
"For a rogue, you're not very quiet when you take things," said Meepo.
"Every great thief knows the value of great exposition," said the half-elf.
Space Pants poked his head around the frame of the door. "Are there any snakes in there?"
At the sound of the cat's voice, the ground shook, and the dirt turned as fire snakes beneath roused to defend their nest. Two fire snakes popped up from the ground, periscoping up from the dirt to assess the situation.
"Yep. I'll be in my office." Space Pants climbed to the top of the nearest shrub and hid there.
Zeke pushed a button on a device on his belt. Ominous music started playing from the device that turned heavier, aggressive, metal, electronic. Edward was taken aback - he had never heard music like that before! What instruments existed that could make such sound? It mattered not, though - as the music rose in tempo, so did Zeke's temper.
"Rrrgh... Rrrgh!!... Arrghh!!!"
"Oi! He's a barbarian too!" said ratNAROk.
"He's no barbarian," said Sergei. "He's a badger."
Zeke charged in with sword and open claw, and latched onto the first snake he could reach with his bare claw. The heat from the fire snake's body caused his flesh to peel, but the enraged badger could hardly feel it. He Grappled the snake into submission, gaining Advantage from the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he Raged. Trained in the Grappler style as an Unarmed Specialist, he also gained Advantage to continue his assault as held the snake rigid and hacked at its neck with his sword.
(https://i.postimg.cc/yYZ84tvf/105-maxdamage.png)
"Rragh!!" The badger roared with ferocity, terrifying the snake with a Menacing Strike. He hacked again, using his advantage to strike at the snake's vitals with a Sneak Attack.
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZYDmwmz9/106-critsneak.png)
Ker-chunk. The bizarrely-shaped, plasma-tipped sword cleaved clean through the snake's neck, leaving its body to slump to the ground as Zeke held onto its severed head up high. He stretched his arm out to full length, held it there a moment, then let the snake's head fall unceremoniously to the floor.
"Are ye sure he's not a barbarian?!"
"I'm sure the merchant would be happy to trade notes with you after this is all over, ratNAROk!"
"We should just all step back and wait for him to kill the other one," said Meepo.
Edward stood still with his jaw hanging open.
"Has it been ten minutes yet?" said Zumies.
"...What?!"
"For the button. Has it been ten minutes yet for Identifying the button?"
Edward's eyes bugged out of his head. "We just started a fight, dude! We haven't sat down to rest yet! We need to sit still for ten minutes, at least for me to do that. Did you think it just happens ten physical, real-world minutes from the moment I declared I was going to do it?!"
"You should just let him have it," said Alefgard. "He's been very patient."
The bard raised an eyebrow, glanced over at Zeke and the dismembered snake, then back at Zumies. "Uh, wow, okay. Um, it's not magical, but there's an insignia on the back of some noble family. Not from around here, though, I'd have to look it up."
"Wow, cool. Thanks!"
"...Yeah, any time. Literally."
Space Pants stays hidden in his tree. Cutter 5 dances to the ragecore synth music playing from Zeke's futuristic device. Space Pants does cat nip.
"Come on, puny weaklings!" Sergei roared. "We're not getting paid to watch!" The dragonborn rushed in and slashed at the second fire snake. Meepo targeted it with Toll the Dead, but the snake still thrashed and writhed.
Erky started to run in, but stopped. He felt a rumble in the ground and, looking around, saw the dirt was becoming disturbed in several places around the room.
"Uhh... hey, guys! Heads up!!"
Suddenly, the ground erupted as more fire snakes burst up from the ground and attacked! One caught Zumies off guard and attacked the rogue with a bite and a tail attack...
(https://i.postimg.cc/ncG4854D/108-double-ouch.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/9F75Xd8V/107-surprisesnakes.png)
The snake tossed Zumies up into the air with its teeth and thwacked him mid-air with its tail. The half-elf fell to the ground like a sack of fried potatoes.
"Ooof!!" ratNAROk turned away. "That looked like it really hurt..."
"Zumies-- oof!" Alefgard was clotheslined by the tail of a fire snake. Another, separate fire snake tackled Edward, driving its teeth into the bard's elbow with a Critical Strike. "Knock it off, stupid snakes!" Alefgard shot out an Ice Knife point-blank, sending shards of ice through the two nearest snakes - and himself. The snakes recoiled from the chill of the blast - one even fell outright! Alefgard lifted his newly shredded robes. "Ah, nuts. That was stupid."
"Much appreciated, though!" Edward said, standing up to a much weaker fire snake.
"Ouch! Next time, try not to sit in your own brand, Alefgard," said ratNAROk. "How you doin'?"
"I'm barely hanging on, to be quite frank."
"Cool, I can't do anything about that." ratNAROk raised his scimitars and slashed with all his might, attacking Recklessly and landing another Critical with his Divine Fury. He plunged both scimitars into its neck, reached his own head into its mouth, and bit its tongue out, even as the heat from the fire snake's mouth singed his entire head while doing so.
"It's still hot!" said Meepo. "You big show-off!"
"Healers hate him!" said ratNAROk, "What's his secret?"
Another snake lunged at Zeke, but the badger warrior saw it coming and was able to dodge away from it with Defensive Duelist. "Oh, no you don't!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/CMRHwkx1/zeke-swing.png)
Art by @KenboCalrissian (https://twitter.com/KenboCalrissian)
Seeing Zumies fall behind him to a pair of burrowed enemies, Zeke's first instinct, while still Raging, was to pull the attention of both snakes away from the fallen rogue. Zeke grabbed one of the snakes by the throat with his free hand and, with his unspoken experience as a Tavern Brawler, used one snake as an improvised weapon to whip the other with its body. The cracking of the improvised fire-snake-whip dealt both snakes a fair amount of damage. The badger made one last swing with his blazing sword at the one that bit Zumies, shrugging off the fire damage from the heat of both snakes.
"Alefgard, hang in there!" Edward shouted a Healing Word at the wizard as he moved into position and poked the snake attacking Alefgard with his rapier. The snake coiled and twisted away from the bard's attacks, even while flanked.
"Thanks!" said Alefgard, glancing at Zumies on the ground as his own wounds closed. "Hey, uh, did you see what was happening over there?"
"Yeah," said Edward, with a wink. "but he's not sharing my rent."
"Touching," said Alefgard. "But--"
"Relax, there are three more healers--"
"Hey, I can do that too!" shouted Erky, entering into a rage. "Hyaaaah!!"
"...two, two more healers who could still get to him. He's fine."
Erky, the cleric-turned-barbarian thanks to the meddling of Space Pants, charged in at the snake that had assaulted Zumies. As the gnome did so, the spirits of slain goblins appeared and flew around him, chanting "You killed, You killed, You killed us!!" The spirits clung to the fire snake as Erky slashed it with his scimitar, forcing the snake's attention onto him. "That's it! Look at me, you big, spicy noodle!"
"Great job, Erky," said Space Pants from the safety of the top of a shrub outside. "You tell those snakes to get off my lawn. I'm putting you on as head of my newly announced Space Pants Legal Defense Team." Space Pants conjured a Minor Illusion of a floating thought bubble containing a magnifying glass. Within the magnifying glass was an eye, and then a question mark, and then the whole thing faded away. "'We'll make all your problems disappear.'"
"I'll be sure to inform the bar association immediately," said Erky. "Is your skeleton getting in here at least?"
"Cutter 5 is doing exactly as I told him: Stand guard by this shrub and make sure no snakes attack me."
Bubb stood outside, its warforged frame inanimate. Its flies were nowhere to be seen, presumably feasting on a corpse somewhere else. Something rattled and clattered against the mechanoid's metal innards, but the warforged made no move to inspect it. Zumies made his first Death Save as the third healer of the party - or at least, the metal frame that housed it - stood there on the other side of the doorway, staring lifelessly at him from the other room, making no move at all to help him. By the time the flies of the cleric of Zokun returned, they would have one more corpse to feed upon.
"Not to worry, Meepo save the day!" Meepo channeled his Balm of Peace, chanting as he moved through the ranks and healing those he touched, healing ratNAROk, Alefgard, Edward, Zeke, Zumies, and Sergei.
The snakes thrashed in fury against their assailants, defending their nest with all they had. One struck at Sergei, but missed - the dragonborn was ready, and struck back with a Riposte. Erky was not so lucky, as the snake lured by his goblin spirits landed a solid strike with its tail and bit into Erky's shoulder. The gnome made a painful yelp that most in the party had never heard a person make before, but held on, his barbarian Rage barely keeping him from succumbing to the attack. The snake in Zeke's hand attempted to struggle free, but the enraged badger held on tight with his powerful digging claws. The snake caught between Alefgard, ratNAROk, and Edward remembered who shot it with ice, and landed two successful attacks on the wizard. Had he not been healed last round, Alefgard surely would have went down to this attack.
"Oh, so you reeeally didn't like the cold, huh?" Alefgard raised his hands and began the incantation for another Ice Knife.
"No, no, no!" said Edward. "Not here where we're all standing!"
"...I-- I knew that!" At the last moment, Alefgard turned and launched the Ice Knife between Erky, Zumies, and Zeke, striking a spot where the ice shrapnel would only hit the two snakes they were fighting. The icicles quickly extinguished both snakes, effectively ending that side of the combat. "Yeah, that's right. And they'd said I'd never make it as a wizard. Tell your friends."
"It ain't gonna get the chance!" yelled ratNAROk. The barbarian struck with both scimitars, hitting once Critically, blasting it with radiant damage from his Divine Fury. The snake burst into a pillar of white flame, and then ash.
Zumies' eyes fluttered open. In his moment of unconsciousness, he had seen a vision - an image of Zokun's Soul Catcher, the bone idol in Bubb's possession, rattling and clattering as he fell slowly closer. A safety net, ensuring the first soul to die out of those who participated in that ritual would be captured by the device to be reimplanted into the body with a simple healing spell.
"...Whoa. Let's, uh, not test that today. Time to get up and do some stabbin'." The half-elf rogue got to his feet, dashed over towards the remaining snake on Sergei, and shot it point-blank with his magic crossbow. The bolt pierced cleanly through the fire snake's hide; The weapon's magic imbued the bolt it fired with the ability to negate the snake's damage resistance, allowing the bolt to pierce clean through its face with little resistance.
"Oh! Cool!" said Zumies, inspecting Athamgim Bothonnulom, "Focustwisted the Murky Blames," the black bronze crossbow, and nodding with satisfaction. "I didn't know it could do that!"
"I think it worked like that against the wraith, too," said Meepo, as he glanced around for more enemies and found none. "Keep that in mind - whenever we fight something that resists physical damage from mundane weapons, your crossbow is magical, meaning you're able to bypass that resistance!"
"Neat," said Zumies. "Now, where are the nests? Let's gather some eggs already."
"I'm not entirely sure that message made it through," lamented Meepo. "Oh, well."
"Weren't those supposed to be the domesticated ones?" said ratNAROk.
"They are!" said Zeke, heaving as his adrenaline subsided. "...Well, were!"
"Listen 'ere, Zeke," said ratNAROk, pointing a mousey finger at him. "I want one of them eggs, y'hear me?"
Zeke smiled disarmingly. "Sure, sure! You got the eggs, it's up to you how many you want to give me towards credit for a magic item. Let's see how many we've got first, shall we?"
"You lied!" ratNAROk stepped forward, getting in Zeke's face. "Those were no different from the wild ones!"
Now, Zeke frowned. "Huh? I never said they were any different. I suggested you get the eggs from here, where they have them domesticated. I didn't say, 'go to this other nest down there to also get wild ones.' That was all on you!"
"Oh, sure," ratNAROk persisted, "You just didn't think to tell us there'd be no difference between the wild ones and the domesticated?"
"They're snakes, not dogs! What do you want me to do about it? Have a word with their tamer? That might be hard, one of us has probably killed them by now."
"Is it too late to send Cutter after those bugbears?" suggested Space Pants. "Maybe one of them will know how to train them."
"They're long gone," said Erky. "Thankfully."
"Look, everybody calm down," said Zeke, looking pointedly at ratNAROk. "You and I have something in common, friend. I see your blood boiling much the same way mine does. Relax, breathe it out. The fight's over. You hold onto that fire too long, you'll start seeing enemies where there are none."
"Ach..." The meadowguard barbarian calmed down. "Taking anger management advice from a badger. I'll have you know, I'm one-eighth honey badger."
Zeke raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "...Really, now?"
Meepo cast Cure Wounds on Erky, as Edward shook Space Pants out of his tree.
"And where were you, Space Pants?" ratNAROk turned his ire on the felis sorcerer.
"I came to help as soon as I could," said Space Pants.
"Ach," ratNAROk threw his little mouse paws up into the air. "You're the only thing I'm more mad at than this Zeke guy."
"Before you say another word on that," said Space Pants, "let's ask Zeke about how to handle compensation on this deadly assignment of his."
"Well, I did wind up helping you do it, so there's that... but, let's see how many eggs we find first, shall we?"
"You mean there's baby snakes?" Space Pants climbed back up the shrub. "You let me know how that goes."
"How much will you give us for 'em if we paint 'em first?" asked ratNAROk.
"None, I'm going to eat them." Zeke furrowed his brow. "You were just mad at me a second ago, you still want to do business?"
ratNAROk shrugged "Eh, let bygones be bygones. Let's get you some eggs."
"Okay. Awesome. Try looking under the shrubs."
"Why do I have to do it? They're your eggs."
"Okay, great." Zeke walked over to a shrub. Using his Steady Eye and an Eye for Detail, he studied the bush for a moment, then reached underneath and pulled out an egg, about the size of that of an ostrich. He handed the egg to ratNAROk. "Here you go, you can give that to me later. But gosh, here I am, collecting my own eggs and completing my own quest while I'm still figuring out how much of a discount your 'service' is worth..."
"Alright, alright, step aside," said ratNAROk. "You've made your point, merchant. If anyone wants to, erm... act like they're helping me search..."
"I'll help," said Meepo. The party spent some time digging up eggs, finding eight in total.
"Skin the sna'es 'n search 'nside," said ratNAROk with a feverish drawl. "They're obv'usly layin'."
"What's he saying?" said Space Pants. "His accent keeps changing, like he can't make up his mind on how he sounds or somethin'."
Zeke shook his head. "I'm still trying to learn your world's language, man. Don't do this to me."
One by one, the party turned towards a buzzing sound in the hallway. The flies that were Bubb had returned. As they settled into their warforged frame, the metal being creaked and sprung to life. Bubb walked into the room and, with no context as to what anyone was doing and apparently forgetting their quest entirely, promptly picked up two fire snake eggs and devoured them each, unhinging its jaw to swallow the entire egg unbroken.
"Umm--" stammered Edward, too late.
"Oh, you," said ratNAROk, stamping his little mouse foot. "You're even worse than that cowardly cat! Where've you been?"
"Munch."
Zeke checked the device on his wrist. "You mean 'lunch?'"
"Whatever you want to call it. I call it 'delicious.'"
"No, no! What are ye doin'?!" ratNAROk howled. "There's dead snakes all around! Go on, eat those! Leave the eggs to us!"
"Is he crazy?" said Space Pants, uncertain whether to be irritated or impressed. "There's snakes in those eggs."
"We should give it the eggs that are cracked and broken and stinky," said Alefgard. "I bet it would like those better. Keep it away from the rest of our good eggs."
"That's okay," said Zumies, suspiciously pulling two more eggs from under a bush and definitely not from under his cloak. "There's two more here to make up for the two Bubb just ate."
"Well, well," said Edward, "I'm surprised you didn't try to sneak off with those and claim them for yourself."
"Who, me?" said Zumies. "Nah, you've got the wrong guy."
Taking a beat, Zeke surveyed the room. No one had yet come to investigate the sounds of their fighting - and this room was full of holes in the dirt, anyway. His own burrow, when summoned via teleportation device, would be easily disguised in this room - after removing his glowing shop sign, of course. "Tell ya what, why don't we do our trading now? We've got what we need, and I'm sure you guys could use a break, right?"
10 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Late Afternoon)
=============
Inside Zeke's sett, the fire was still burning in the hearth, and the deceased goblin bodies were still lying where they were slain. "Sorry, haven't had time to totally clean up the place yet. I got the blood up, at least, but, y'know, maybe a couple of gob' bodies lying around will dissuade them from robbing me again. Make yourselves at home, and let's deal!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/8zYvGHKk/100alt-Firecircle.png)
"What'll you give us for eight eggs?" asked Edward, charmingly.
"It's a good haul," said Zeke. "I'll give you four hundred gold in credit for 'em."
"Four hundred, is that all?" the bard pressed. "These beasts were much more difficult than we expected, and you could have told us a little more about them first. We almost lost an ally to one, after all."
(https://i.postimg.cc/vB0NH0sx/109-tough-customer.png)
"And I saved him, didn't I?" said Zeke, squaring his shoulders for a Commanding Presence. "I told you, I charge for mercenary services, too. There was some give-and-take on that one, since I helped out. I think I'm already being pretty generous, considering."
"Alright, alright," said Edward, backing down. "Fair's fair."
Space Pants stared at Zeke from afar, remaining Subtle. Zeke's ear twitched.
(https://i.postimg.cc/pVCMSB5j/110-subtle-suggestion.png)
WIS save...
The badger blinked twice. Then, he looked at Zumies. "You alright? You took a pretty bad tumble out there, that much is true."
"Yeah, I'm alright," said Zumies. "I'm not happy they got the drop on me like that, but, well... s'pose it was about time I had a taste of my own medicine. Now I know what it feels like when I take a monster's life by surprise."
ratNAROk eyed the rogue warily. "Uhh, is that a good thing? Sounds kinda raw."
"It's given me a much needed change in perspective and appreciation in the art of the silent take-down."
"Sooo... Good? Bad?"
"It was cool!"
"Ach. I should've known."
Zeke nodded to himself, scratching his ear. "Still, that was a pretty close call, and you were doing it for me. I suppose I could... oh, what am I doing, I'm really going to regret this... ah, staki ni'kash. I do like you guys, so... We'll say eight hundred."
Edward was beaming. "Really? You'll do eight?! That would be great!"
"We like you too," said Meepo.
"Yeah... yeah, wow, why am I doing this... yeah, okay, eight hundred it is. Let's see what happens."
The cat flashed a coy, victorious smile, then decided to double down on the party's successful negotiation. "I have a Suggestion: You should come with us. Join our group."
"You can make a portal anywhere to get to your shop, right?" said ratNAROk, in a completely different accent than he was using earlier.
"Oh, yeah! Totally."
"You should give one to us. That way, we can get to you, and you can get to us. Yeah?"
"What, a teleporter?? Oh, no no no no! I absolutely cannot do that. I told you, this technology isn't supposed to exist on this world. I can't just give it away! Besides, it doesn't fully work anyway - without knowing where in the galaxy I am, I can't set starting coordinates to get out of here with this."
"What would we have to do to get you to give us one? We could start an investment?"
"An investment?" The badger looked tired.
"Yeah. We'll put eight hundred gold towards it now, and pay you the rest later."
"Whoa, hold it!" Meepo threw his little kobold hands up. "Why you spending all our hard earned gold all at once?"
"Did we all agree to this?" said Edward.
"Just hold on there, rat," said the cat. "We also got a button, twenty-three silver, and eleven copper. Every little bit towards our downpayment chips away at the interest in the long run, you gotta use your head."
Zeke looked at Space Pants. "...A button?"
"Some guy gave it to us," said the felis sorcerer, laughing to himself. "Bunch of guys gave it to us, actually. They said we were awesome."
"That's perfect," ratNAROk laughed. "I mean-- yes, that's exactly what happened."
Space Pants looked around the tables of Zeke's wares to see if there was anything that would raise his defensive capability. He happened upon a Ring of Protection, which he may or may not have noticed before - but the cat was clever, and knew better than to ask directly for the thing he wanted. "Do you have anything that'll cure a fear of snakes? I'm asking for Cutter, of course."
Zeke, who had eyes and could see clearly what item the cat was looking at, had a pretty good idea he might have what Space Pants was looking for. "Actually, yeah. If you want to feel tougher against snakes - or anything - then nothing beats a Ring of Protection."
"Wow, do you have any?"
"...Yes, right--"
"Wow, cool, thank you!"
"Those are pretty darn rare, though, I'm afraid. That'll cost you five thousand gold."
"Five thousand gold?" Space Pants spat. "What am I, made of money? Give it to me for free."
"Ahh, no."
"You mentioned a twenty-percent discount the last time we met," said Space Pants. "Are we still good for that?"
"I did?" said Zeke. "That feels like weeks ago."
"How much have you drank between this morning and now, because that's when we talked to you," the cat said.
"None," said the badger. "If I did say that, I'm not sure what I'd said it in reference to. If you haven't noticed, I've been very loose with my prices as we go, depending on how things are vibing at the time."
"Is that so," Space Pants grumbled, recalculating his approach.
Zeke reconsidered. "How about three thousand?"
"I don't have that," Space Pants said flatly.
"Do you have an ōdachi?" asked ratNAROk. "Anything big would be nice."
"Ah, well, I haven't had time to look for new stock since we last spoke. However... Hang on, I do have something kind of whacky in the back you might like. Wait here."
Zeke moved towards the door to the east. ratNAROk followed him. The badger turned around, bothered. "Ah, sorry, no access beyond this point. I have stuff back here you guys shouldn't see. Please, step back."
"Aw, but we're pals, aren't we? You can trust me."
"Still working on that, bud. Please step back." The rodent barbarian stepped sideways, but not away. "No, back. Please. No-- you're bumping into me now, that's obviously too close."
"What's in the secret room behind the velvet curtains back there?" teased Edward.
"I told you, it's all the cool stuff I'm not allowed to show you. Now please, give me some space, my dude! I'll be back in, like, sixty seconds."
"Ugghhh. Fine." ratNAROk stomped his feet as he begrudgingly stepped away from the door. Unnoticed by all, Bubb snuck a single fly into the door as Zeke slipped in to take a peek for himself.
"He's taking too long!" said ratNAROk after ten seconds. "Where is he? I'm about to rage!!"
"Friend ratNAROk," said Sergei, "please be patient. Come, take chair. You are very small, your blood pressure can very quickly... please, have a seat."
The mouse barbarian clenched his fists, and a vein bulged out of the side of his neck. "I don't like waiting. I want my ōdachi."
"Geez, calm down, buddy." Space Pants cast Calm Emotions. "You gotta learn to chill out while we're bartering. You stress him out, he's gonna raise his prices!"
ratNAROk paused, then looked around. From somewhere in the room, a tinny song could be heard playing on a loop. "Where... is this music... coming from?!"
"I legit took a spell slot to cast Calm Emotions on you," reminded Space Pants.
"Ahhh," said ratNAROk, choosing to relax and stare at the ceiling. With dreamy eyes, the barbarian looked wistfully at Sergei and whispered, "I'm still angry."
"It's fine," said the dragonborn fighter. "Sit in chair. Breathe. Exhale the bad air, inhale the good air."
ratNAROk took a deep, deep breath. "I have... so many weapons on me right now."
"I know," said Sergei. "It's kind of hilarious."
(https://i.postimg.cc/44jbPq2J/111-string-lights.png)
Behind the door, Bubb's fly immediately spotted something new. Along the left wall was a string of colored lights hanging from a wire, wrapped around a peg on the wall and looping back around the corner. The lights clearly weren't natural, didn't appear to be magical, and even though it was most likely man-made, it didn't look like any modern home lighting solution Bubb had ever seen. The hallway continued a short distance to the west, revealing three doors on the north wall, and one iron door down at the very end. There was another door to the south, near the one they had entered from the common area. The lights-on-a-wire appeared to be plugged into a socket in the wall, but it was difficult to tell what exactly was going on with it.
As Zeke opened the first door on the north wall, Bubb spotted a metalsmith's forge and a woodfurnace, built of black bronze but propped up with what appeared to be prefabricated poles and panels. In the back of the room was a small, empty cubby with bits of bark on the floor, probably a place where logs were usually kept but currently held none. Zeke searched through the +Armor Bin (Willow)+, then the ≡Birchen bin≡ next to it before finding what he was looking for.
Meanwhile, out in the common area, Space Pants was rummaging through boxes left unattended that Zeke would soon have to learn not to leave unattended. "I am in like... a dark tube, or something," the cat said, his legs sticking out of the box his head was buried inside of. "Is anybody else in this really dark tube?"
"Come out of the tube," said Sergei. "You don't know where any of that has been."
Space Pants pulled his head out of the box with a plastic veterinarian's cone around his neck. "I have no idea what this is made out of. Do you think this will protect me in a fight?"
"I think it will cause enemy to stop and stare, of that much I'm sure," said Sergei. "Now come, quit fooling around before you vaporize yourself or something."
At last, Zeke returned to the common area, carrying a giant tool in both hands.
"Whatchu got? Whatchu got?" ratNAROk hopped back and forth on his feet like an excited pooch ready for a treat.
The tool in Zeke's hands was enormous - it was, in essence, a four-foot long pipe wrench, with a head as heavy as a maul and a crescent-shaped notch on its end.
"Yep, yep, yep," said ratNAROk, bouncing visibly. "How much? How much?"
Zeke put a hand out to calm ratNAROk down. "Slow down, let me explain what it does! This is something I call, 'The Nutcracker.'"
Meepo burst out laughing. "The what?!"
"Now, I know you wanted a sword, and this is pretty much the opposite. But it is big, like you asked!"
"Yeah, yeah, it's big, I like it," said ratNAROk. "How much?"
"This industrial tool is meant for a machine that you'll never see on this world. It's designed for loosening and tightening high-torque lug nuts. You don't know what those are, but long story short..." The badger turned the wrench over, showing a switch on the handle. "Push this up or down, and the notch will quarter-turn whatever's inside with enough pneumatic force to easily break a weapon, or snap a limb, or whatever else you can imagine needs a good twist."
Alefgard inspected the device with awe. "How does it... this is not magic, this is something else. Your sword, too - it's not only not-of-this-world, it's completely incomprehensible to me how such a thing functions. What do you call this?"
Zeke struggled for an explanation. "Okay, so you know how you have 'magic' weapons, right? I think instead, you would want to call these 'tech' weapons."
"'Tech' weapons?" The wizard's curiosity was piqued. "What is this 'tech?'"
"Weapons powered by battery and programmed by circuitry to produce manufactured advantages. Much like one would say a magic weapon is +1 or +2 M, a tech weapon would be described as +1 or +2 T, with the same bonus to attack and damage."
"Does it have the same ability to bypass damage reduction, like magic weapons?" asked Meepo.
"No, but it has other properties that I haven't fully discovered yet. The fey definitely don't like it, pretty much all fey are extra vulnerable to these kinds of weapons."
"You said it was powered by, wot," said ratNAROk, "a 'battery?' What's that?"
"A battery holds the juice that powers the weapon. Sometimes, it's solar charging, hand-cranked, or shaken; Sometimes, you plug it in and let it charge for a few hours; Sometimes, it's replaceable, and you throw it out and pop in a new one. There are many different kinds, but they all perform the same function: The battery stores a charge that is eventually delivered to the weapon when needed to perform its function."
"Oh, so like a wand with charges in it," said Alefgard. "How many charges can fit in it?"
"If I had to wager, I'd estimate you could get about twenty turns with this bad boy on a charge. Then you'd need to plug it in for eight hours, which... you can't do, since there's nothing for you to plug it into on your world."
"Don't you?" asked Bubb, pointedly. "You have something to 'plug it into,' don't you?"
"I do," replied the badger, nervously. "Of course, I would let you charge it here."
"So, how much is it?" said ratNAROk, impatiently.
Zeke opened his mouth to reply--
"Nevermind, I play it cool now," ratNAROk cut in. "I don't want it anymore."
"You don't want it anymore?"
"Yeah, I do. But I don't. You feel me?"
"Yeah... yeah, no, I don't. It'll be at least four thousand for this one."
"Mm-mmm," ratNAROk shook his head. "Go down."
"You're never gonna see another of these," Zeke held firm. "They're not of this world."
"Cool, cool. There's a whole bunch of other worlds. Go down."
Meepo tapped ratNAROk on the shoulder, casting Guidance to assist in his attempts at Persuasion. "Keep going! You got him on the ropes!"
ratNAROk prepared to give his closing argument, but stopped short as he saw Zeke staring him down - not aggressively, but arrestingly with his Commanding Presence.
(https://i.postimg.cc/4nknSChh/112-commanding-too-strong.png)
"Aw, man, I can't even beat that with Guidance!" wailed ratNAROk.
"You can't even beat that with a twenty," said Meepo.
"Yep, I tried that earlier," said Edward. "He is one tough nut to crack."
"I can't even help you at four grand," said Space Pants. "That's so far out of the ball park..."
"Alright, alright," said ratNAROk. "How about this... Do you do financing?"
Zumies laughed out loud. Zeke, with thinly veiled annoyance, said, "Go on."
"The barbarian wants to propose financing?" Edward clapped his hands. "The comedy just writes itself! I don't even have to do any work."
Meepo said, "He's about to go from pretending he didn't want it, to selling his soul for it."
"Oh! Will you take my soul? I don't need that. Is that on the table?"
Zeke looked uncomfortable. "Ahh... sorry, I don't have any need for souls right now. Kind of a rough market to get into."
"Ahh, nuts."
Zeke paused. "...Then again, hypothetically, if you did have a device that captured someone's soul and then sold it to me, then I'd have a valuable item I could probably sell at a high price to the right buyer. If you had something like that, then we'd have something to talk about."
"Ah, what you're talking about is called a 'phylactery,'" said ratNAROk. "Very hard to come by."
"Indeed."
ratNAROk felt his own coin pouch, and almost laughed at himself for thinking there might be anywhere near four thousand gold inside. "A moment, let me talk to my crew."
"Yep," said Zeke. "Take your time."
The barbarian turned to his companions. "Alright, what are we doing with the eight hundred from the fire snake eggs? We splitting it?"
"Pushy barbarian," said Edward. "I haven't even taken a good look at his wares myself, and you're trying to spend all our money on yourself!"
"But think about it, fellas! One big, powerful weapon for the big, powerful fighter means the whole group benefits from me tanking more baddies!"
"I'm the fighter," said Sergei. "You are one of two-and-a-half barbarians."
"Is it two half-barbarians? Erky's a cleric/barbarian, right?"
"Well, first off, Zeke is no true barbarian," said Sergei, resting an elbow on his Shield of the Sentinel. Emblazoned with an eye on its front, it has been the source of his Advantage on Initiative and Perception since the beginning. "His battle rage seems to be a blessing from his badger heritage, and one he has clearly taken full advantage of in his style. But it comes from his species, not his class. Erky, on the other hand, has indeed embraced the path of the barbarian... in a very special way."
"I don't understand," said Edward. "What do you mean, 'class?'"
"So far, all of us have specialized in a single school of martial or magical practice - a 'class,' if you will. However, it is possible to walk two or more paths at once, dabbling in the arts of other 'classes.' This is called 'multi-classing.'"
"You're losing me," said the bard. "We're talking real life, not some dragon-game, right?"
The dragonborn snorted puffs of flames from his nostrils. "Just... bear with me here, please, while I partake of the wisdom of my dragon people. Normally, taking on a new class is an additive feature. Let's say tomorrow, you found yourself a patron and decided to become a warlock. You'd be a 4 Bard / 1 Warlock, effectively."
"Again, with the numbers - quit gamifying my life!"
"These are ancient battlefield tactics of dragonkind!" said Sergei, exasperated. "An abstraction. Think of it as an analogy. You are good with stories, you know what an analogy is, right?"
"Yes, and what you're describing is more like a metaphor."
"...You just used an analogy, not a metaphor!"
"Yes! You were supposed to laugh at the joke, not explain it!"
"I hope I am not wasting my time explaining this to you..." The dragonborn went on. "Anyway, you get my point - the new skills you gain are added in addition to those you already have. You neither gain more experience as a bard, nor gain all the experience of a fifth-level warlock."
"Okay, in this... extremely hypothetical scenario you've come up with, that all makes perfect sense. So Erky is, what... 3 Cleric / 1 Barbarian, in this war game of yours?"
"No. A barbarian as recent as he is should not already possess the ability to command the spirits of goblins as he has already, not while also wielding magic as a cleric of the same strength. He and Zeke have unlocked something different. Something more powerful that we've seen only in individuals who have survived unimaginable duress."
"Who, Erky?" said Space Pants who, while a moment prior had something witty to say, changed his tune as he noticed the gnome speaking to the badger in private while the rest of them were huddled together. "Oh, he has no idea..."
"I've seen it in the badger's eyes, too," said Sergei. "Last evening, as he sat by the fire. He's known many people in his past, none of whom are here. He's an alien, alone and stranded on a world far behind his own technologically. By his account, this is not the first time this has happened."
"So, what does that mean? In 'game terms?'"
"It means that, rather than multi-classing by normal means, their overcoming of a great inner-turmoil has unlocked for them a power that we call the 'Gestalt multi-class.' Instead of adding new abilities to their existing repertoire, in a moment of great personal strife one might suddenly unlock all the features of another class, and gain the best of both."
"Soo, that means..."
"That means Erky is a cleric that gains a barbarian's vigor, a cleric's skills, and all the abilities of rage and spellcasting each has to offer. He's not a 3 Cleric / 1 Barbarian; He's a 4 (Cleric/Barbarian), with all the best features of both at each level."
"...That's cheating," said Edward. "I mean-- if we were playing a game, that is."
"Well, call it what you will, it is reality. And Zeke, our badger friend there... I watch him fight. He is Gestalt too. (Fighter/Rogue), at least a 10."
"Wait a minute," said the bard. "A 3 Cleric/1 Barbarian would still be considered a '4,' right? It evens out. But not with these Gestalts. A 4 (Cleric/Barbarian) is stronger than a '4,' right?"
"That is correct - it is not doubled, he would not be as strong as an '8.' Maybe a '5,' possibly even a '6' or so, it is difficult to gauge. But a '10,' like Zeke? Who knows? They get exponentially stronger the higher they go."
"So that means we'd better keep the dirt merchant on our good side," said Space Pants. "For now."
"It also means you've created a monster in Erky," said Sergei, "and maybe you should find a way onto his good side before he grows too powerful for you to stop."
Edward and Space Pants both laughed in Sergei's face. "Hoo, boy!" said the cat. "You really had me goin' there, scalemaster. Can you even imagine, like, a Super Erky just going full scorched-Buzong on all of us? Wouldn't that be amazing?"
"I've been nice to him," said Meepo. "So, at least he'll probably kill me last."
"Hey, are we still trading?" Zeke waved over to the huddled group of adventurers.
"Oh, shoot! We forgot to talk about prices!" said ratNAROk. The barbarian hefted his silvered, masterwork greataxe, as the party lifted their heads from their huddle. "Aye, yes... How much would you be willing to accept for this as trade?"
"Ooh! Masterwork, silvered..." The badger nodded with appreciation. "Not magical, though. Hm, I gotta do some calculation here... It's still a long ways off from four thousand."
Bubb raised a metallic arm, pointed at Zeke, and cast Command: "Discount."
Zeke's mouth hung open for a moment. "Two thousand." Then, six seconds later, the spell wore off. The badger shook his head and snarled. "Hey, are you casting spells on me?! Not cool!"
Just as it seemed a fight was about to break out, Bubb, Sergei, and Zeke suddenly settled down and relaxed, deciding all at once to be totally chill with one another. "Eh," said Zeke, "you know what? Forget it. Let's just move on."
"Yes," said Space Pants, a Subtle gleam in his eye. "Of course. Let us resume these negotiations with Calm Emotions."
"So back to my question," said ratNAROk. "Financing?"
"Ah, right. Um, what do you propose?"
"What's your rate?"
Zeke was starting to get annoyed. "The real question is, when am I going to see you guys again? It's not exactly easy to stay in contact in a world like this, so how do I know you'll ever get around to keeping up your payments?"
"Well, you would if you gave us a way to get back here, now wouldn't ye?" The barbarian pointed again at the teleporter on Zeke's belt. "Like one o' those?"
"Your proposal is that I give to you, for free, a priceless device that should not even exist on this world, so you can pay off a loan for another device that shouldn't exist on this world. That you're probably going to use to clobber people with."
"No, see, that's where you're wrong! I am going to clobber people with it, as a certainty!"
"Give him 10% down and 4% on the big," said Space Pants. "Every day he doesn't see ya... Bigger."
"I'll give you 177 gold for that Nutcracker right now, what do you say?"
"...Uhm--"
"Plus, the axe."
"...So--"
"Plus, this platinum flute!"
Zeke waited to be sure the meadowguard was finished. "You might not like this, but the only way I could possibly consider a 'financing' option would be, as you say, if we had a way to get back in contact with one another, and that means first I'm going to have to sell you something that's pretty rare."
"Yes, with a teleporter!"
"No, with this!" Zeke turned around and rummaged through the box Space Pants was digging in earlier. He eventually pulled out a device that looked just like the one on his belt that was playing music during battle. "Alright, check this out. This is what we call a cell phone. Normally, these function with these big towers that you're never going to see on your world, but this particular model has a short-range function that lets it connect directly to your contacts so long as they're within a hundred miles!"
"What's a 'mile?'" said Edward.
"Oh, ah... shoot, what's your unit of measurement here? 'Urists?'"
"A hundred urists isn't very far," said Alefgard. "I could speak briskly at that distance and you'd hear me."
"Alright, well, whatever it is, it's a lot farther than that. Point is, I have one of these myself, so if I sell you this one, we'll be able to call each other up any time and arrange a meeting for your next payment. But I do need you to purchase this phone first - and I'm sorry, it feels smarmy for me to make you buy something else in advance, but that's the only way I could consider a financing option like you're proposing. Best I can do is be up front with you on that."
"Will you do financing on the phone?"
"...No, I can't do financing on the phone. Too easy for me to never see you again with that, not to mention it's too deep an investment for me."
"Aw, nuts. How much is it then?"
Zeke thought about it as he turned the phone over in his digging claws. "I would let this go... considering it's to do further business with you in the future... for five hundred gold."
"How many more phones do you have?" asked Space Pants. "In case we all want to call each other?"
"Just what I need," said Zumies. "Space Pants calling me in the middle of the night because he has a question."
"Is there a family plan?" asked Alefgard.
"Yes, sell us the family plan," added Space Pants.
"I had a friend back when I was a kid, named 'Spam,'" Zumies went on. "He used to bother me twenty-seven times a day. I beg of you, do not sell this man a phone."
"Guys, huddle!" ratNAROk called everyone together again. "This one's easy! We'll just sell his data and make our money back right quick!"
"What are you all talking about?!" cried Edward. "How do you guys already know how this thing works?"
"I only have two more for sale," Zeke blurted out, "besides my own. So there are four total cell phones in this entire world, and I currently own them all."
"...Family discount?" said ratNAROk.
"That's a really bad deal for me, unfortunately. I'd like to spread my contacts wider than this one circle right here - to do that, I'd rather sell those phones to other people."
"I thought you said you were trying to keep this tech on the down-low," accused Alefgard. "Not spread it wider."
"W-- well... you never know! The right contacts lead to the right business, and you gotta learn to take risks."
"Well what is a good deal for you, huh Zeke?" Alefgard stood up from his chair, frustration unbidden.
Zeke took a breath. "That's what I'm trying to find. If you can't do four thousand on the Nutcracker, then I'm willing to do financing - provided we have a means of contacting each other. For that, I'm proposing the sale of this unique, one-of-a-kind communications device - it does other stuff too, I'll show you, it even has games - for a one-time fee of five hundred. I'd only like to sell you this one, if you want the other two they are full price. Once that is settled, then we can talk about financing your Nutcracker, and anything else here you find interesting but may be lacking the immediate funds for. Make sense?"
"This is exactly what I wanted to do with my night after work," grumbled Edward. "Accounting."
"It's only 3:30!" said Zeke, checking the phone in his hand.
"What does that mean?!" yelled the bard.
"I-- it means... Don't worry about it, it's not that late!"
"Wait a minute," said Space Pants, his eyes lighting up with realization. "I could call Zeke at any time, about anything I want, and he has to pick it up?"
"Uhh, I don't have to--"
"Guys," Space Pants said proudly, "You're all about to witness the invention of prank calling on Buzong Xömlox, the World of Typhoons!"
"And, now I'm definitely not going to."
"Look, all we need to do is bring this phone to an artificer, and we can get like six more, alright?" ratNAROk said sagely. "We just need one as a template."
"That's precisely what I don't want to see you do with it," said Zeke.
"Boy, you count as well as Space Pants," said Meepo to ratNAROk.
"Noo, noo, that was spoken out-of-game," said ratNAROk.
"We're done with dragon games!" Edward was losing his mind. "We're not playing dragon games! Enough talking about games now, thank you!"
ratNAROk planted a chair firmly in the dirt and stood on top of it. "People! What I'm trying to say is, we can call this merchant up at any time! If we need to buy something, or if we need too much stuff we gotta sell, we can have all that on speed-dial! I think this is worth pooling our resources for, you dig?"
"Yeah, and he could come save us in a scrape," said Edward.
Zeke nodded. "If I'm in the area, I'll get to you as quick as I can to lend you a hand."
"Or, we could call him, and pretend like we're someone else," said Space Pants, still workshopping his 'prank call' scheme.
"I will remind you there are exactly four phones in this entire world," said Zeke. "I think I'll be able to narrow it down."
"Make sure to call him to tell him his warranty is expired," said Zumies.
"You can use Meepo's share of the eight hundred from the eggs," said the kobold.
"Alright! Anybody else want to pitch in? Anyone?" Silence. "Come on," said the barbarian, "think about it! Phone? Merchant?" He gestured around to the wide dirt chamber around them. "Portable resting place? In the middle of a dungeon, we could have this place right here to stay, anywhere we want. What do you say?"
"Trade him the bag of holding," said Space Pants.
"No, we really need that," said Sergei.
"We've got the platinum flute!" said ratNAROk. "And my axe!"
"I'll give you 120 for the axe," Zeke said, getting tired of this nonsense.
"Okay! So that's three-hundred ninety and... hey, wait a minute! 120 is a terrible amount for this axe!"
"Not by my figure," the badger shrugged. "I've gotta make a profit somehow."
"Zeke is every miserly jerk I've ever dealt with in this realm," Alefgard muttered under his breath to Edward. "His stuff is so good, our stuff is garbage... He's basically James's Stop."
"Next he'll be asking us to preorder it," said the bard.
"Ach, if you're gonna go low on my axe, then I'm goin' low on your phone! I won't buy it for more than 300!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/1tYphzwT/113-firstpersuade.png)
"No."
"Yes," ratNAROk pressed, with Inspiration.
(https://i.postimg.cc/hvkTv3C1/114-secondpersuade.png)
Zeke sucked in his breath, puffing out his chest as he did so. "Hmmm..."
(https://i.postimg.cc/mkz7bGSr/115-stillnotenough.png)
"No."
"Man, you are impossible to beat."
Zeke was feeling a little winded. This had gone on long enough, and he hadn't moved any product yet. Though he may have been successful at holding his ground, Zeke had learned through experience that to truly be successful as a merchant, he had to know when to give in even when he thought he was winning in order to close a deal.
"...435."
"Sold," said ratNAROk.
"Cool. So, that platinum flute..." The badger looked it over. "Base quality, huh... still, that's easily a hundred gold, since it's platinum."
"Yep. Sold. Easy."
The badger and the mouse exchange gold and goods, and moments later, ratNAROk was holding a brand new, slightly-used cell phone.
"This is cool! I can't wait to see what it does!"
The barbarian flipped open the phone. There was a glowing screen inside displaying text in a language the mouse had hopelessly never seen before in his life.
"Uh... How do I... what do these buttons do..."
"Alright, lemme walk you through this. This button here--"
"Nuh uh. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. No. I don't want to know. Don't tell me."
"But-- at least let me show you how to call me!"
"No, no." ratNAROk held the phone out at arm's length like it needed its diaper changed. "I'm not smart enough for this. Someone else touch it."
"Give it to Alefgard," suggested Edward. "Or Space Pants, he's smart."
"Give the phone to Cutter," said Space Pants. The skeleton merely stared incomprehendingly at the device.
"Please, give the phone to Space Pants," said Meepo. "For all of us."
The bard said, "Wait, I take it back--"
"Here you go," said Zeke, handing the phone to Space Pants.
"Awesome." The meddling cat sorcerer stared at the fancy, futuristic device from another world. "Does this thing get long distance?"
"Again, how do you know how a phone works?!" said Edward.
"I don't," said Space Pants. "I mean, 'meow.'"
"Okay, so to call me, you gotta--"
"Show him," said Space Pants, pointing at Alefgard, "then he can tell me."
"...Fine," said the badger. Zeke did his best to walk Alefgard through the sequence of menus to find and call Zeke, but after three attempts, the wizard still wasn't getting it. Between the foreign language on the device, some unspoken standards on user interface that he did not grasp, and generally failing to comprehend how such a small device can do so much, the wizard's mind was fully blown.
"Don't worry," said Zeke, "I know it's a lot. Actually, I have a few scrolls over there that might be useful to you in bridging the gap between magic and technology."
"Not yet," said Alefgard. "This is a lot. One thing at a time."
Edward nudged Alefgard and said, "Don't forget to ask about the data plan!"
"How do you know how it works?!" said Alefgard, calling Edward out.
"What I want to know," said Meepo, "is why are there are so many buttons on this phone, when there are only three other phones to call?"
"'Hello?'" said Alefgard. "Oh, sorry, wrong number, I meant to call '3,' who's this?"
"Zeke, I have a proposition," said Space Pants. "What are you doin' here, exactly? What's your thing?"
"Well, like I said before, I go around to ruins, dungeons, things like that, I find magic items, and I sell 'em."
"And then I mark them up eight million percent," sneered Alefgard.
"Well that's pretty much what we're doin'," said Space Pants. "You should just come with us. Only, we do some other stuff, too. Like Erky, here. He wears the skin of goblins."
"Sure, so many goblins," said Erky, rolling his eyes.
"Don't listen to him. Ignore him, and you can just come with us, share the gold, be a part of the party... Erky can be your personal assistant."
The badger turned to the gnome. Erky looked at Space Pants, then at Zeke, and nodded. "Sure. We'll work out the deets later."
Zeke considered that, actually smiling for the first time in a while. "Y'know, I don't think I'm going to be making any more money off these goblins. I can't promise I'll stick with you long-term, but I can fight with you up to the tree. Eventually, I do need to break off and go find more stock to sell you guys, after all!"
"Hang on, hang on," said Space Pants. "There will be plenty of people to sell your goods to along the way. Plenty of 'em."
"Aren't we just going to kill them all?" said Bubb, in complete seriousness.
"Yes," said Space Pants, "but he can still sell them weapons first."
"To fight you with when you go to kill them? That sounds counterproductive," said Zeke.
Meepo replied, "But see, when we kill them and take their weapons back, we sell their weapons back to you, so you can sell them to somebody else for us to kill. It's an enterprise."
"No, listen." said Space Pants. "It's way simpler than that. You could come with us and sell your weapons, and we'll do whatever we want - we just travel alongside each other for protection. We'll help you acquire magic items to sell, and maybe from time to time you let us borrow them - because hey, the better we are at killin' stuff for you, the better loot we'll be able to find for you. How's that sound? Everybody wins."
"I will ask this in return," said Zeke. "Remember earlier, when I said I was looking for warriors to help take down my brothers and save my world from their corruption?"
"Oh, yeah, we'll kill them, no problem," said Space Pants. "We've killed at least four people since we got here, we've got it covered. Look at Sergei, he's a dragon. That guy eats people."
"You keep spreading this falsehood," said Sergei. "Soon, it is going to stick."
"No killing," said Zeke. "My blood is my blood. I won't be responsible for any of my brothers' deaths. Yes, they need to be stopped at all costs... but I must stop you from killing them if I'm able."
"Hold up, what are you dragging us into, cat?" said Edward. "You saw how powerful Zeke was! Zeke, how many brothers did you say you had?"
"Seven, not counting myself," said Zeke. "One of them isn't a threat... I think."
"Seven?" said Edward. "If they're anywhere near as strong as you are, we are in deep."
"Are families usually that large on your world?" asked Alefgard.
"No, but... my father really wanted to spread his name around. He got what he wanted, I guess."
Meepo, already curled up for a nap in the corner, said, "Huh? Oh, sure, yeah, I'll go."
"You see that?" Space Pants pointed at Meepo. "You're lookin' at the king of the kobolds right here. See his crown?"
"Really?" Zeke cocked his head. "That's not what the kobolds upstairs told me."
"Uh oh," said Edward.
"Yeah, uh, which one was it... they've got so many weird names..." The badger cringed as he noticed Meepo. "I mean-- not weird, but I mean like-- ack, sorry, I didn't mean it like--"
Meepo sat up straight on the floor. "Who told you they were king?"
"Uh, what was his name... Magre? Yeah, Magre. That was it."
Space Pants turned to Meepo. "That don't sound like the name of the kobold you left in charge, is it?"
"It is not."
"Oh, that's not good for Magre."
"Magre." Meepo knew it, from the moment he'd dropped down that well he knew it would be Magre who would betray him. The head of Meepo's clan had always looked down on him. He was never going to submit to Meepo's rule. "Thank you, Zeke. I agree, Space Pants. We should go have a word with...Magre."
"Cutter," said Space Pants, "Here's what's gonna happen. Zeke's gonna tell you how to get upstairs. Once you get there, you're going to ask each kobold, 'Name?' and if they say 'Magre,' you stab them. You got it?"
"Uh, can that thing talk?" said Zeke.
"We'll give him a sign. Trust me, this is gonna work."
"Give him a little knapsack so Magre thinks we're sending him a gift," said Meepo.
"Ooh, great idea!" said Edward. "Then he could flip the sign around and it says, 'Meepo sends his regards.'"
"And then come back with Magre's eyeball in this pouch," said Space Pants, handing Cutter a leather pouch.
As soon as Zeke finished explaining where to go, Cutter left to go carry out his task. "Hah, yeah... great. I hope I'm not about to regret this."
10 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Evening)
=============
"Hi future-Thrathdad," prayed Meepo before his evening meal by the fire, with all his new friends in attendance.
Edward cocked an eyebrow. "Future Thrathdad?"
"Yeah! If I say 'hi' to her tomorrow, then she'll feel really bad if I don't make it through the night. So, that's how I know she'll protect me!"
The bard raised both eyebrows now. "...Oh. Is that how it is, then." Edward procured a small notebook from a chest pocket and began writing some... ideas for new song lyrics.
"D-- don't write that part down!" cried Meepo.
Zeke stretched and yawned, pretending he didn't hear that as he glanced at his cell phone. "Welp, it's about 5:30 or so. We can keep dealing if you like, but how about we turn in for the night?"
This time, the badger did not catch himself as he said the time in his own way. Alefgard took silent note. In Buzong Xömlox, one would instead say, 'five-and-a-half shakes of a muskox tail,' or 'five-and-a-half shakes.' That is, if both Buzong Xömlox and this badger's homeworld of T'zen operated on the same 24 hour cycle, which seemed unlikely - but, it did feel like 5'5s to Alefgard, so maybe they were close.
"Who else has those doodads?" said Meepo, pointing at Zeke's phone.
"Just you and me," reminded Zeke. "I have two more I haven't sold yet, so there are four in total but they're all here."
Space Pants flipped open the phone and started pushing random buttons. Different things started changing on the screen - some text changed color, a bar moved from one line to another, the phone made little 'blip' sounds as the cat dialed random numbers. The screen changed to a new menu as he hit the 'K button.
"Uhh, be careful with that!" Zeke reached for the phone reflexively. "I'm sure you don't know how to read T'zen. You don't know what settings you're changing!"
"You're gonna brick it!" said Meepo.
"I know what I'm doing!" Space Pants continued playing with the device. "What's your passcode?"
"You might accidentally delete me from your contacts," said Zeke, "then you wouldn't be able to contact me."
"It doesn't work anyway," said Space Pants.
"Here, let me show you--"
"Oh maaaaan, this is so booooring."
"I haven't even come over to show you anything yet! I'll show you where the games are, if you just give me a minute."
"How do I call my parents?"
"...Well, first, they'd have to have phones, which they don't--"
"Does it work beyond the grave?"
"...And second, they would have to be alive, so... No. I'm sorry."
"This phone's stupid," said Space Pants. "Here, Alefgard, just take this thing. It's useless." The cat handed the phone over to the wizard.
"I'd be glad to," said Alefgard. His brain had been humming since he'd first laid eyes on the strange contraption. It may have bested his wisdom once, but he was determined to learn about this fascinating new technology. This was way more interesting than magic!
"I see that look," said Edward. "Don't get your hopes up. It can call Zeke, and that's it."
"Oh, it does a couple other things," said the badger with a smile. "There's some music downloaded on there, I can show you how to find it."
"Can we call Cutter and see how he's doing?" Space Pants turned to the wizard. "Alefgard, tell Zeke to call Cutter-- no, tell Zeke to tell you how to call Cutter so we can see if he found that one guy Meepo hates."
Zeke ignored Space Pants, and took the phone back from Alefgard to walk him through to the Contacts menu. "See, you push this, then the right-arrow, then 'K, then down... and, here you go. I'm the only name in that list, so that's me. You know who's not in this list?" He shot a glance at Space Pants. "Literally anybody else on the planet. Maybe, eventually, somebody else will buy a phone, and then we can call them, but not right now. Just make sure that line is highlighted and push the little green button here."
Alefgard continued staring, letting Zeke push the button. As he did, a musical tune started playing from something in his pocket - part of a heavy, sad, guitar-and-cello-laden ballad, from the sound of it. He reached in and pulled out a phone of his own. Alefgard cried out in abject shock.
"But wait-- there's more!"
As the wizard stood staring with his jaw hanging open, Zeke handed him back his phone, while walking away with his own. When he was on the other side of the room, he put the phone up to his ear, and motioned for Alefgard to do the same.
Awkwardly, the wizard held the strange, noisy rectangle up to his face.
"How's it sound?" Zeke's voice came out of the device near Alefgard's mouth.
"It's really hard to hear," said Alefgard.
Zeke motioned with his hand to turn it right-side up. The wizard did so. "There, how's that?"
The wizard's eyes were wide with wonder. "I can hear you. Can you... hear me?"
"Yep! We can talk like this from up to 100 miles-- err, yeah..."
"'Onols?'" suggested Alefgard.
"...What's an 'onol?'"
"A longer unit of measurement than an 'urist,'" said Alefgard. "An 'urist' is the general width of a boulder the size of a dwarf, an 'onol' is the generally accepted length of an individual mountainous region. They're dwarven words because they happen to be the ones making up most of the rules of engineering."
"Hmph," said Sergei. "Would be easier if whole world just adopted Dragon Standard. If you want to know how long something is, go stand some dragons next to it and then count the dragons."
The badger nodded. "Well, here's some good news - based on maps I've seen of Buzong Xömlox, I'd estimate these phones could reach each other almost on opposite sides of your known world. I worked it out once, I think it might fall just 20... onols shy of reaching the other side. It should be pretty unlikely we're out of range."
"How many minutes are on them?" said Space Pants.
"Hah, well... funny story, I happened to, ah, 'acquire' these phones before they were programmed to require minutes... Hey, wait a minute, how do you know about 'minutes?'"
"You mean 'wiggles,'" lied Space Pants. "Since they're smaller than a 'shake.'"
"...Really?
"Hey Zeke," said Space Pants, blowing right past the question, "You know I can just talk to you with my brain within 50 onols, right?"
"...I do now, but here's something this phone can do that I bet you can't!"
Zeke held his phone over the box of random junk that had been sitting near the east door, and pressed a button. Alefgard's phone lit up with a notification.
"Oh," said the wizard. "What do I--"
"Just tap the message, and hit 'K.'"
Alefgard did so. The screen changed, showing an image sent to him by the camera in Zeke's phone - many strange toys, tools, and knick knacks filled the box, but the image was focused on a clear bottle with a push-nozzle and a strange, modern label printed on it.
"What am I..."
The badger merchant picked the bottle out of the box and brought it over to Alefgard to inspect and see for himself that it was the same object as in the picture he'd just received. "It's hand sanitizer," said Zeke. "Not bad to have on the road, fairly inexpensive-- but that's not the point, the point is I just showed this to you from over there, and now we can do that from a hundred onols away."
"That's incredible," said Alefgard, who had been studying the device with his arcane senses. "There's no magic to this at all. This is... how have your people accomplished this?"
"Ah, it'll take a long time to explain how it all works--"
"I've got time," said the wizard eagerly.
The badger leaned in with a smile and said. "Then I hope you're ready for some science. Sure thing, bud, we'll talk more about it later."
"Does it do microtransactions?" asked Zumies.
"...Now you're just saying words without knowing what they mean," sighed Zeke.
"You mentioned 'games,'" said Alefgard impatiently.
"Oh, yeah! Here's one - you know how we just fought those snakes?"
"That thing has snakes in it? I'm out." Space Pants threw up his paws and immediately lost all interest in the phone.
Zeke handed the phone back to Alefgard. A line started moving across the screen. "Hurry, press up or down!" The line crashed into the wall. "That's okay, try again - hit the arrow keys!"
Hesitantly, the wizard pushed the 'up' key, and the line started moving up at his command.
"Good! Now, get the apple--"
"Apple?" said Bubb. "The apple we're searching for is in there?"
"Oh, no! Different apple--"
"This is incredible," Alefgard repeated breathlessly, as the snake grabbed the apple and grew a few pixels. "This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. How would I do anything else?"
"Lemme see." Against his own word, Space Pants walked around behind Alefgard to watch and bat at the screen."
"Aaand, that's likely what they'll be doing all night," said Zeke with a satisfied grin. "Oh, wait - one more thing, lemme show you where to find music!"
"This thing pulls music from the air?!" Sergei exclaimed.
"Well, yes, if it has a connection - but there's nothing to connect to here, but that's okay because I downloaded plenty of music onto it first anyway. Here, check this!"
Zeke showed Alefgard the music player app. Before playing any music, an advertisement for some kind of fur-cleansing product played.
"Ah, sorry about that... Even without a connection, stupid thing still has to play ads it has cached between songs. It gets really irritating after the hundredth time hearing the same ad."
"Doesn't matter what world you're on, they'll still get ya," said Edward with a smirk.
After the ad, the device played more synth wave music similar to that which Zeke was playing from his earlier.
"I used to run to this song," said Space Pants.
"Sure you have," laughed the badger.
Edward perked his ears. He still couldn't identify what instrument was making those kinds of souds. "...Is that sound made with Minor Illusion?"
"Nah, it's all digital."
"Digi-what??"
"Ah... I've said too much."
Edward pursed his lips. "Secrets aren't a great first step to fostering a partnership, you know."
Zeke smiled apologetically. "Give it time, please. This is sensitive stuff I'm messing with here, I kinda need to... let it out a little at a time, you know what I mean?"
"This seems like the kind of thing that could disrupt the entire fabric of society if it got into the wrong hands," said Space Pants. "Ooh, there's a second snake coming to steal your apples now!"
"I got it, I got it!" Alefgard frantically tapped away at the phone as if his very life depended on it.
"That's precisely why I shouldn't be trusting you guys with this stuff." Zeke groaned. "But... desperate times, desperate measures."
"Aye, this better not fundamentally change the way we live our lives," said ratNAROk suspiciously.
"Yeah, but ratNAROk," said Alefgard, eyes still glued to the phone screen. "You've gotta try this before you knock it. It's amazing."
Zeke rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, have fun with your new toy and all that, but try and keep it on the down-low, yeah? And you definitely didn't get it from me. We talked to some guy on the road. Didn't catch his name or see his face."
"I mean, I guess," said Space Pants, "but maybe that comes with discounts?"
Zeke shrugged. "I mean, yeah, over time, sure! I didn't think I'd be doing, like, an investment strategy or anything like you guys wanted, but I gotta be flexible, right? It's not easy selling high-end merch. Treat me right, I'll treat you right, that's how I swing."
"You're not gettin' it," muttered Space Pants under his breath. "That's alright... you will."
Zeke stretched out and heaved a deep sigh. "Well, it's gettin' late! I dunno about you guys, but I could use a night to rest up and regain my strength. We should be safe where we're at - remember, I parked the entry hole in the fire snake's den, so our hole-in-the-ground is camouflaged with all the other snake holes. Make yourselves at home!"
Meepo was already asleep, curled up in the dirt beneath one of Zeke's chairs.
"Before we retire, do we have anything that needs identified?" Edward asked. "I've already told you all I can about the button."
"Hmm... Nope, I can't think of anything," said Zumies, forgetting all about the crystal vial he'd taken from the room with the root-infested rat on the operating table. The rogue's mind had already moved on in search of more things to take - and right now, the half elf was scanning Zeke's emporium for anything that wasn't nailed down that could easily become 'misplaced.'
The sett's shop chamber was well-lit by sconces along the walls, not to mention the campfire in the center of the room. There were few shadows to hide in anywhere within the room, save for directly beneath the narrow-legged, drapeless tables. The chairs had simple patterns cut out from their backs which, while crude and amateurish in quality and design, would render those chairs less useful for hiding behind. The badger was very clever in his shop design - the room was wide open, with plenty of well-lit open space between his expensive items and the exit and few obstacles in between. Top it all off with Zeke's preferred seat near the center of the room, and it became clear all at once that Zeke had designed himself a panopticon.
It seemed to Zumies as though Zeke kept this room fairly clean, in spite of everything - the floor, the walls, the ceiling - being entirely comprised of dirt. There were small shrubs and young tower caps sprouting up, none any larger than a hand tall - odd, considering he'd cleaned up the blood from the goblins, but not the bodies. "Well, now," Zumies noted to himself, "That's interesting. The floor of this shop requires periodic maintenance - otherwise, shrubs and mushrooms grow from the floor, which could turn into hiding places if left unattended for too long. Which means if we keep him busy for long enough, then maybe..."
Zeke opened a duffel bag next to his seat by the fire. He pulled out a box of crackers and began munching away. Zumies studied the box - the label was unlike anything he had ever seen. There was no way it could have been painted that way; the images so precise, the text so clear, some of it very tiny even. A lifelike image of the cracker itself appeared on the front - having never seen printing before, the rogue stared at the box as though it had grown a head and started singing travel tunes. The firepit, too - the top half of a barrel, with a conspicuous, unreadable warning label featuring a picture of a flame - was something bizarrely foreign. Then, Zumies spotted something; As Zeke had pulled the crackers out of the bag, it appeared as though a second, tiny, see-through bag fell out and landed near his feet. The material was unlike anything he had ever seen - flexible like cloth, yet somehow solid - and the bag seemed to contain an orangish-red powder. This, too, had one of those too-good-to-be-painted labels on it, but again, he could read none of it. Zeke did not seem to notice that he dropped it.
"Zeke," said Alefgard, "do you have a problem?"
"Huh?" The badger looked quizzically at Alefgard, half a graham cracker still resting on his lip.
"Nevermind. Forget I said anything."
"Well, well," thought Zumies in his own mind. "What have we here? It's too close to him to get it, though. Whatever it is, I'll just have to keep an eye out for it later."
As the night wore down, no such opportunity arose, and Zumies eventually forgot about the mysterious powder. Once the door to the common area was locked up and secured, Zeke put out the campfire, and the party rested to the dim light of the sconces on the wall.
And, as they rested, each and every one of them had their very own individual dream, tailored to their own wants, desires, and peripheral perceptions - dreams that will leave a mark upon each through their day, and perhaps beyond. I wonder, what shapes will those dreams take by the time we meet?
Since I'm clearly taking much more time writing these posts than I initially had, I'm going to try and stop cramming so much content into a single post. If that's what I get done in a day, great - but, even with this update, I have a LOT of footage left to get through from the last session, so I'm going to try writing smaller, but more frequent updates. Let's see how this works out!
This post used to contain AI-generated images of the party.
I've observed the debate over this technology as both an artist and a software developer, approaching this question with an opinion divided evenly down the line. Such as the debate has played out, as an artist first I cannot - and will not - support AI-generated art in any capacity, until such time it is properly legislated and the people whose work the technology "borrows" from are properly compensated for teaching these machines how to draw.
It's disappointing to me that we're using technology that was intended to make life easier, to instead pave over the parts of life that are worth living so we can all get back to work. I revoke any and all support I ever gave to this technology, and will only ever use human-made resources for any project I build.
Thanks for reading.
=============
Sergei's slumber was interrupted by a strange, rhythmic chirping sound. It was like no bird he had ever heard - three tweets, then a pause, three tweets, then a pause - and sounded like more of the weird music Zeke had playing from his phone earlier. Just as he was starting to suspect, the dragonborn noticed Zeke rouse, reaching for the very same device he was just thinking of to shut it off.
"What in the..."
"Oh, sorry," said Zeke. "Good morning. It's 6 O'cl-- um..."
"Shakes?"
"Yeah, shakes!"
Sergei stared at Zeke's phone. "Can ours do that?"
"Yeah, of course! I'll show you how over breakfast. Hope you like fire snake eggs!"
One by one, the rest of the party stirred, shaking away images of both prophecy and memory that danced in their heads through the night.
"I just had... the strangest dream," said Alefgard.
"Oh, yeah?" said Zeke, with a smile. "I had a dream, too. I dreamt I was back home, on Mercia with my friends. Ah, it's been so long... I wonder how they're all doing?"
Edward rubbed his eyes. "No, no, mine was definitely about this dungeon. Weird things within the walls."
"It's like a puzzle," said ratNAROk, still sprawled out on his back, staring up at the ceiling.
Zeke gathered the eggs they had collected the day prior. The eggs were large, so even though it was a large group, there would still be plenty left over. Zeke decided to save the wild egg for last, leaving it at the back of the basket he'd found for them. He was already getting a pan ready and starting a fire to cook. "What was in your dream, ratNAROk?"
"Rats," said the mouse barbarian. "Everywhere."
"Oh." Zeke nodded. "Rats, huh?"
"And a secret room," continued the barbarian, "with a baboon in it. And a turkey."
"...What?" said Zeke.
"What?!" exclaimed Bubb.
"Baboon??" cried Alefgard.
"Turkey?!" questioned Edward.
"Yeah," said ratNAROk. "It was messed up, guys."
"I'm sorry, I think your dream was wrong," said Bubb. "My dream had many friends in it." Flies crawled in and out of the warforged's glowing green eye sockets. "And potential foods."
"Ah-hah!" said ratNAROk. "So you saw the turkey, too!"
"No! What are you talking about?"
"...Nothin'." ratNAROk pouted.
"I dreamt I had two Cutters," said Space Pants. "One with unlimited power."
"Me too!" said Zumies.
"I saw a lot of dead people," said Edward. "And a giant white tree, with three figures around it I did not recognize..." Edward thought about it a little more. On second thought, he did recognize the scene he was seeing, and the ghostly figures in his dream... but the conversation had already moved on.
"Did you see a green dragon necklace?" asked Zumies. "'Cuz I did."
"You mean the one you're wearin'?" said Space Pants.
Zumies gingerly touched the jade-carved dragon pendant with copper wire wrapping on his neck. "Oh, yeah! It was this one!"
"Clever deduction skills, elf," said the cat.
Meepo, still asleep, kicked his legs and shed tears as he slumbered.
"Meepo do a weepo," joked ratNAROk.
Edward took a moment to have an aside with Alefgard. "So, about your dreams..."
"I didn't get much sleep last night," said Alefgard. "I found this game on here called Blob Wars. You have to feed your blobs to get bigger and crush your opponent's cities before they do--"
"Opponent?" Edward balked. "What do you mean? You were playing with somebody else?"
"No, no - the opponent is in the box. When it says 'CPU' over it, I think that means the game is playing itself."
"Does it have a spirit inside playing against you?"
"I don't know-- maybe? I have no idea! Anyway, what is it you wanted to talk about?"
"I gotta tell you about my dream," said Edward, glancing over his shoulder. "In private."
Alefgard nodded. "Come over here, let me show you how to play Blob Wars. It's a small screen, you'll want to sit close to me while we talk."
As the bard and the wizard broke off, ratNAROk squinted at the sign on Zeke's campfire barrel.
"Danger... Flammable... Keep out of reach of children."
Zeke stared at ratNAROk in disbelief. "There's no way you can read that. It's T'zenian!"
"Well, what else would it say?" said ratNAROk. "I'm just taking a guess."
Meepo, awake and weeping softly into his eggs, said, "We still have four days until the apple ripens, right?"
"That's what the bugbear said," reminded Erky.
"Oh your god," said Space Pants in a low voice, "shut up, Erky."
"You know what? Next time you ask me something, I just won't answer." The gnome crossed his arms and glared at Space Pants.
"I'm just askin' you to shut up," said Space Pants apologetically.
"...No!" Erky was holding the Spray Bottle of Command like he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed today. "You can't make me!"
"Sure I can," said Space Pants. "Watch me."
"Funny you say that--" The badger stopped eating. "Hang on, first, let's get something straight: Turns out, Erky and I had a little side-chat about you, and we came to an agreement ahead of time."
Space Pants' ear twitched, as he remembered the private conversation Erky and Zeke had had while they were discussing prices. "Is that so."
"Yep," said Erky with a big smile. "We came to terms in advance. You said something about me becoming his personal assistant yesterday? Well, I decided that sounded like a pretty good idea."
Zeke nodded. "I checked with him one more time before accepting, he gave me the nod. It's a done deal. So..." Zeke leveled his gaze at Space Pants. "You're not gonna harass my employees, are you?"
"No," said Space Pants. "I already see that Erky wants that, so he can't have it."
"What makes you think you get to say what I can and can't have?" said Erky. "I'm not your prisoner. I never was."
"You're a murderer," said Space Pants. "We're making a citizen's arrest."
No one in the party moved to back up the cat. They just stood back and watched what was transpiring.
"I haven't done anything worse than you have!" Erky turned to Zeke. "See? This is what I was talking about."
Zeke just turned point-blank to Space Pants and asked, "Seriously, what's going on here? What are you doin' to this guy?"
"...So we got this tree we gotta worry about," deflected Space Pants. "What's goin' on with that? Everybody? C'mon, let's go get our tree."
"...Huh," said Zeke, scratching his chin.
"That's the best you're gonna get out of the cat," said Erky, grinning at Zeke.
"Well, okay, sure. It can't hurt to get to the tree early, right? Clear everything out and then sit on it until the apple grows. That's not a bad strategy."
"If that's gonna take some time," said Meepo, "is there any way we could go back and overthrow my throne again?"
"Oh, yeah!" Space Pants doffed his wide-brimmed hat. "Who was the guy I sent Cutter 5 to kill?"
"Magre," said Meepo, his voice dripping with venom. "That backstabber. I knew all along he'd be the one..."
Zeke shifted uncomfortably in his seat, unsure whether he wanted to see what the skeleton did with the directions he'd given it. "Hmm... That's right, you told it to come back with an eye, huh?" The badger got up and checked the front door. "Nope-- I don't see your skeleton out here. It must not have made it back."
"Were anybody else's dreams mean?" Meepo blurted out. "Or just mine?"
"Was it those voices that seem to follow you around and whisper things that are demeaning and cruel?" Sergei asked.
"Yes! You can hear those too?"
"We all can. Sometimes. It is a strange phenomenon that started when we met you."
"Meepo always had voices following Meepo. Meepo always weak and getting picked on. But Meepo survived. Thrathdad helped Meepo survive." Meepo shed another tear. "But Meepo will show them. Meepo will show them all. Meepo is king now - and I will show them all what happens when someone sits on Meepo's throne."
ratNAROk said, "My dream contains notes overlaid by the gods, did they mean to send that to me? Yes? Okay. If these are more than dreams, then we need to be careful heading back towards the well that leads up to the first level. I saw some things in my dream that should give us caution."
Sergei turned to the barbarian. "Any particular reason?"
The meadowguard eyed the dragonborn, then put a paw to his ear. "If you hear the pitter-patter of many little feet... Run."
"Okay... like... One large enemy with many small feet?"
"What? No-- what?! What do you think I mean? I'm a mouse, I had a mouse dream! I mean-- rats!"
"Oh-- Oh, yes, I know. I was, erm, testing your, ah, martial prowess."
"Uh huh."
"If you guys are thinkin' our dreams mean somethin'..." Space Pants trailed off, with a faraway look in his eye.
"Yeah, seems right," said ratNAROk. "Why, you got somethin' to share?"
"Oh, no," said Space Pants. "But we're in a lot of trouble."
"Aye," nodded ratNAROk. "'Tis a bit uneasy all this, eh wot?"
"Make up your mind," said Space Pants. "What do you sound like?"
"I dinnae know what ye wallowin' abaht," drawled ratNAROk.
"Regardless," said the cat, "I know at least one door we definitely shouldn't open."
ratNAROk turned to Alefgard. "I know where your baboon is."
"In heaven," said Alefgard, matter-of-factly. "He's 'Heaven Baboon.'"
"No," said ratNAROk. "He's in the walls."
"The walls?"
"He's stuck in the walls, man!" ratNAROk was nearly freaking out. "He's stuck in the ever-loving walls!"
Zeke perked up, looking quite concerned. "You know of a teleporting... baboon? Like me? That got stuck in the walls??"
"We had a baboon," said Alefgard. "He is no longer with us."
"But did he have a teleporter? Like mine??" The badger held up the octagonal device on his belt that he had used to create an entry to his sett. His eyes were as wide as if he had seen a ghost.
"No," said Alefgard, "but he ascended to heaven. That's why he's 'Heaven Baboon.'"
"We're talking about the baboon you pulled out of your Bag of Tricks, right?" said Bubb.
"Yes, now quit ruining the moment," said the wizard.
"It's just that I don't remember that part," the fly cleric of death replied mechanically. "I thought the spell duration just ran out--"
"And he's also got a turkey," interrupted ratNAROk.
"...Huh?" said Zeke.
"What delicious turkey?" demanded Bubb. "Tell us where the turkey is."
"Dreams is dreams," said ratNAROk. "That's all I know."
(https://i.postimg.cc/L5c7k9R5/124-morning-4days.png)
Once everyone was up and out of the hole, Zeke pressed a button on his teleportation device, and the portal disappeared without a trace, leaving them surrounded by all the other holes dug by the fire snakes. Meepo wiped away his tears and followed along as the party ventured out again.
"Ah-yadaradagradah." ratNAROk rambled incoherently as he pushed his way to the front of the line. "Let me go first."
"You know what, I think I'm just gonna do some cat nip." Space Pants pulled out a sprig of the catnip he'd found the day before, next to the gardening supplies in the gallery outside. "Hey Edward, did you remember to identify this?"
"Oh! No, sorry-- dang, we just packed up to get moving, too..."
"That's alright, I'll figure it out." Space Pants shoved his face into the wild catnip.
"Wait, you don't know where that's--"
As Edward reached out to stop Space Pants, the cat's visage became fuzzy and staticky.
"...Been? Where are you going?"
Space Pants looked at his paws. He could no longer see his fur in detail. At best, his arms looked like blobs of color protruding from a vaguely humanoid vignette, shimmering and distorting and warping in place.
"I feel like there's a much easier word for describing what's happening to me," said the cat.
Meepo said, "Might one say he has become... Blurred?"
"I didn't see an Arcana check," said Alefgard.
"At least somebody here can identify magic," said Edward, jabbing the wizard with his elbow.
"Am I dissolving into the universe?" said Space Pants.
"Are you dissolving into something edible?" buzzed Bubb.
"Don't worry, everybody," said Space Pants. "I put some in ratNAROk's flask last night so I wouldn't have to try it alone."
"You what??" ratNAROk reached for his flask.
"Wait, wait--" Alefgard stopped the barbarian. "This could be useful. Save it."
"Uh, sure. Thanks." ratNAROk put his flask down, and scanned the room. His eyes narrowed on the southern door. "I know where the baboon is."
"Baboon?" Bubb turned to follow ratNAROk's gaze. "...Turkey?"
"Baboon!!" ratNAROk charged down the hall.
"You'd better go after him," said Edward to Alefgard. "He's going for your baboon!"
"One more game," said Alefgard, still tapping away at the phone.
The party filtered through the door after ratNAROk. Zeke tapped a button on the hilt of his sword, causing its plasma flame to ignite and light up the room like a bright, seafoam-green torch. "That's very bright," said Zumies, shielding his eyes.
"Sorry," said Zeke. "I can't turn down the brightness. Want me to turn it off?"
"No, no," said Zumies. "It's kind of a nice color. Just not used to it, is all."
"Anybody got somethin' to break this wall down with?" said ratNAROk, facing a particular wall in the southern gallery. The gabbro wall had a well-designed image of horses engraved on it. The horses were running.
"Myself," said Sergei.
"Alright! Just don't use your nice weapon," said the barbarian.
"Hang on, are we sure we want to be doing this?" cautioned Edward. "We're about to attack a wall going off a hunch in your dream?"
"So in my dream," said Space Pants, "around that door there's uh... uh... nevermind. Zumies, you should go check it out first."
Zumies poked his head around the door. "Nothing here. Why don't we just walk through?"
"Because it's in the wall!" insisted ratNAROk. "Here, in this little space!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/zf7smYw2/125-whereisturkey.png)
"Hang on, before you go bustin' your weapons..." Space Pants climbed inside the cabinet in the room on the other side of the space, and felt around the back of it. "Hm... No hidden compartments. That's how a smart person would've designed it. If there is somethin' in that wall, I don't think we should even bother with it anymore. Probably not worth it."
Clang! Clang!! ratNAROk and Sergei both smashed junk weapons against the horse-carved wall. Their attacks bounced harmlessly off the relief carving, but ratNAROk's short sword broke clean in half.
"Rats!" said ratNAROk.
Sergei looked at the barbarian's broken sword, then at his own longsword, which hadn't broken yet. "I think our time with this experiment has come to an end."
"Oh, well." ratNAROk let the sword drop unceremoniously to the ground. "There's like, short swords all over the place in here. Pick any room with goblins we killed in it, I'll go find another."
"Hey Zeke," said Space Pants, "You got anything in that hole of yours that might blow open this wall?"
"Hmm...
"Yeah," said ratNAROk, "I mean... he might have a teleporter."
Alefgard said, "Um, I'm pretty sure heaven baboon didn't--"
"Shh!"
Zeke perked up. "Like mine? You said he didn't have one..."
ratNAROk looked at the octagonal device on Zeke's belt. "Yeah, uh, that's what I saw in my dream! How, uh, how else do you think he got into the wall?"
"Wait, really??" Without wasting any time, Zeke set to digging around behind the bushes on the south side of wall. "Are you sure that's the right wall? Maybe there's another way in. Have we searched all around?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/XYCVYtN4/126-badratdecep.png)
"...Yeeeah," said ratNAROk unconvincingly. "Definitely had a teleporter, just like yours. Uh-huh, yup. We'll go with that."
Zeke deflated. "Oh. You're messing with me." He tried to force a smile, but was clearly flustered.
"Can one of you guys get me a tiny little hole, and I can teleport someone in and out of it?" said Space Pants.
"I see no cracks in this wall," said Bubb, his flies pacing along its surface looking for entry.
Zeke began pacing around the walled area. All told, this block of wall touched three, possibly four rooms. "There's a lot of surface area here, are you positive it's that wall?"
"Listen 'ere, Zeke," said ratNAROk. "I got a bird's eye view in my dream. There's a baboon in this 'ere wall, this hallway was full of rats - it's not full of rats anymore, but they were here."
"Uh huh. Right. In your dream."
"Yes! That's how I know they were here! And the baboon is in that wall! Where've you been?"
"I told you," said the badger, "I had a dream too, but it wasn't of this place. I was back home, at Frelan Keep with my old pals. But I didn't actually go home, I didn't really see any of them. It was a dream, that's all."
"Really?" said ratNAROk. "You didn't see, like, just a screenshot of the map with some notes over it?"
"No, dude! I was chilling with my old friends. My dream didn't have anything to do with any of this."
"Huh... Bummer." ratNAROk kicked the broken blade away down the hallway. "Now I'm cheesed off. Let's finish this dungeon."
"After we retake Meepo's throne!" said Meepo.
Space Pants stared at his ever-fluctating paws, still unable to focus on himself. "What are we even doing anymore?"
11 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Late Morning - 4 Days Until Solstice)
=============
"I can't see my hands," said Space Pants, still hard to see under the effects of the Blur spell. "Therefore, they must not really be here." Space Pants tried to pass his hands through the wall. It didn't work. Space Pants leaned into it, pressing up against the wall as if climbing it, hoping to phase himself through the wall by sheer force of will.
"Uhh..." Bubb groaned. "Look, I could go for a delicious wall-turkey like everyone else, and if we're going to stay here a while to figure this out, that's cool... But do we have a destination in mind?"
"Yeah," cheered ratNAROk, "forward! To the north!" The barbarian clashed his scimitars together.
"Alright." Bubb turned away from ratNAROk, and asked the same question to the dragonborn. "Sergei, you're the level-headed one. Are we going somewhere? And where?"
Sergei cleared his throat. "I believe we were heading back to check on Meepo's throne. Quick side-trip before we head on to the tree."
"Yes, please!" said Meepo.
"We've got four days," said Edward. "Plenty of time to head upstairs for a shake-down."
"Guys, I made it through the wall." Space Pants was just a formless glob of calico and purple pressed up against an engraving of horses. The horses were running.
"No, you're still here," said Sergei.
Space Pants looked at the fighter, though it was hard to tell where he was looking. "How'd you get here so fast?"
"With my magic dragon powers." Sergei waved his fingers mockingly. "Come, friend sorcerer," said Sergei. "It will still be here when we come back. Perhaps we'll think of something as we pass by here again later."
The party backtracked through the small storage room, and returned to the laboratory area. The door leading back to the twig blight garden was shut tight.
As they stepped over the bodies from the battles that had taken place there the day before, Space Pants raised a paw. "This was definitely the area in my dreams..." Space Pants looked around, trailing off, his eyes falling to rest on the shut door. "...Yep. Nevermind."
(https://i.postimg.cc/fbDGgRd0/127-cowardlefgard.png)
"Yeah?" said Alefgard. "I'll, uh, be right here, then. Safe behind this pillar while you guys open the door."
"I saw it too," said Bubb. "I saw just beyond this door in my dream. A procession of gothically-clad women carrying scythes, accompanied by a pack of skeletons, moving through the area on the other side of this door."
"Uhh..." Space Pants whirled around at the mechanical cleric. "...no?"
"Huh?" said Edward. "'Gothically-clad...' I don't remember seeing anybody like that around here."
"Do you mean the bugbears we allowed to pass?" asked Sergei. "They had scythes, and were accompanied by skeletons."
"...Dreams is dreams," said Bubb. "Right, ratNAROk?"
"I saw a whole buncha rats," replied the barbarian, nodding, "but not here."
"Cutter 3 is right above Zumies," said Space Pants, "and I know it." Then, after a pause, "Also, 'Unlimited Power Cutter' is right next to him."
"I thought I was 'Cutter 3?'" said Bubb. "You mean 'Cutter 5.'"
"Thanks for keeping count for me, Cutter 3. I knew you were useful for somethin'."
"How do you know he has ultimate power?" asked Edward.
"Because he has a bunch of '9's' over his head where his health bar should be," said the cat.
"What's the deal with this 'Cutter?'" Zeke said. "Actually, I've been meaning to ask you guys... What do you call yourselves? Like, as a group?"
"Criminals," quipped Erky.
Space Pants nodded, "There are some who might call us that, sure."
"We have, ah, not yet discussed or agreed upon branding," said Sergei.
"Nah, nah." The badger shook his head. "You guys need a catchy name! Like... what about 'Snapdragon?'"
"Sounds very jazz-handsy," replied Sergei.
"Are we gonna open this door or what?" said Meepo. "Someone's sitting on my throne!"
"Don't worry, Meepo!" ratNAROk shouted. "Here I come!" The barbarian kicked in the door...
(https://i.postimg.cc/ydr2dhbF/128-zombodies.png)
"Hyaah!" ratNAROk charged into the room, bounding over the bodies of zombies laying dead near the door. "...Huh. Nobody's home."
Zeke studied the bodies from where he was standing: Three goblins, two kobolds, turned by whatever magic was in this room, or the soil, turning the recently deceased. "Huh... They're not getting up. I guess it's safe."
Edward looked for the way they came down. The roots that hung down from the well in the ceiling were low enough to reach that they could climb back up this way. "I'm not going first."
"Hold up, chief," said Alefgard, "I think a few of us ran up north..."
(https://i.postimg.cc/rs03tdB7/129-balsagroom.png)
To the north was a dingy, dirty room, filled with barrels and boxes of mushrooms and half-rotten meat. Stains of blood dotted the floor, and a rack of crudely re-repaired weapons stood unhelpfully by. A nearby nest of furs and refuse indicated someone had been living here, but was not currently present. North of this chamber was a passage into a cavern, but it seemed the way had been blocked.
"...Ah," said Space Pants. "Stone Shape. Whoever went through here must've used that to bring the ceiling down behind them. Nothin' up here, now."
"That's where the procession of gothically-dressed women went," said Bubb. "With their scythes. And their skeletons."
"...You mean the bugbears, right?" said ratNAROk. "Or, are you sticking to that?"
"I said what I said," replied Bubb.
ratNAROk and Sergei looked at each other, unsure of what to make of the claim. "Let's move on, for now," said Sergei.
"Anybody wanna help me search this stuff?" said Space Pants. "Must be somethin' useful around here."
As previously guessed, the barrels contained nothing useful or even remotely appetizing - dead, poorly preserved creatures that, upon closer inspection, likely originated from the cave system just ahead, before the passage was blocked.
"This is a hunting lodge," Sergei realized. "The barrels are full of dead creatures awaiting the attention of a butcher."
"Smells like the butcher's running late," said ratNAROk.
"I think we've given them more important things to worry about," said Meepo with a wicked grin.
Bubb's lifeless eyes lit up as it saw - and smelled - the contents of the barrels. "So, you know how people would traditionally make wine? They'd put all the grapes in a barrel, and then they'd climb up and--"
"Knock yourself out, Robo-Cutter," said Space Pants. "Just do it away from us."
Meepo spotted the green sack tucked behind the barrels to the west. There were three (Rope reed bags) in a pile. The kobold searched the bags, but two were empty, and the third appeared to contain somebody's toiletries, including another of those sticks with coarse fur glued to them for rubbing on teeth. Meepo took one of the empty sacks and left the rest.
"...'Magre's Meaty Teddy Bear,'" said ratNAROk suddenly, as they left the lodge and rejoined the others in the garden.
"What?" said Edward.
"I was just thinking of a band name," said the meadowguard. "--I mean, a party name. Y'know, since Zeke asked what we call ourselves earlier."
"'The Gaslight Gospel,'" said Space Pants.
"'Country Club Panic,'" suggested Edward.
"'Bushrats,'" added Meepo.
"'Erky and the Berserkies,'" said Sergei.
"Oh, snap!!" ratNAROk hollered. "That's a good one! We could be 'The Berserkies!' I actually love that!"
"Why not 'Space Pants and the Felons?' said Erky.
Space Pants shrugged. "It's not at all outside the realm of possibility that you guys are gonna have to bust me outta prison at some point. Just givin' you all fair warning."
-------------
The party climbed 80 feet up the root-walled well, and found themselves back in the kobold throne room.
(https://i.postimg.cc/LXsr2QN9/130-subwhoa.png)
The room was in an unusual state: There were no guards around at all, only Subwo, sitting on the stone throne, his feet kicking idly as they dangled.
"Oh! Hello, Meepo!" Subwo, one of the four elite guards, waved nonchalantly at the crowned kobold.
Meepo pointed his yklwa at Subwo. "Why are you on my throne?"
"Oh, it's a long story!" Without any hesitation, Subwo hopped off of the throne and stepped aside. "Something came up from the well! It was holding a little sign that said 'Magre?' and then it went through that south door, and then there was lots of screaming, and... Oh, oh Magre..."
"He's lying," said Space Pants.
"Can I walk over and just cut his throat?" said Zumies.
"No!" ratNAROk, Alefgard, and Edward cried out in unison. "Shouldn't we hear what happened first?" the bard added, as Alefgard put his hand out to stop him.
"Not yet," said Meepo. The former Keeper of Dragons sat down upon his throne, and straightened his crown. "I have not yet been properly addressed." He glared at Subwo expectantly.
"...Uhhh, Meepo?"
"King Meepo," said the crowned kobold.
Subwo's eyes grew large, and his body very still. "...Y--yeah, yeah! King Meepo, of course!" Subwo bowed his head. "It's all yours now. Of course. No one is challenging you anymore."
"Now?" exclaimed Meepo. "Anymore??"
"Yup! Yup yup yup, that's right, it's all yours. All yours now." Subwo nodded overly enthusiastically, as if agreeing extra hard would overshadow the question Meepo was really asking.
Meepo narrowed his eyes, and recalled what he knew of Subwo. His brother, Quizno, was also one of Yusdrayl's elite guards - which meant they were Meepo's elite guards, now. He remembered seeing Quizno earlier - after they had fought the giant twig blight, it was Quizno who had come down to offer reinforcements, but Meepo had sent him back up the well and told him to hold the fort. The other two elites were Yolo and Derpe, the latter of whom Meepo had left in charge in his absence.
Before Meepo could ask of Derpe's whereabouts, Subwo seemed to break down under the apparent stress of whatever had happened recently. "But yeah, this thing, this bony thing-- it came up from the well, it walked right up to Magre and just... stabbed him! Right through the chest! Several of us tried to bring it down, but it seemed like we weren't hurting it at all. It just kept swinging, and killing... until finally, I guess it got tired of killing of poofed away!"
"Poofed?"
"Yup! 'Poof,' into a spire of red flames."
"Have the bodies been moved?"
"No - well, a couple, haha. It's a real mess in there. You can see for yourself, right on the other side of that south door."
Meepo stared at Subwo, particularly how he could not seem to stand still. Though the guard might have been telling the truth, it clearly was not the whole truth.
"Hang on, I'd like to give him something," said Zumies.
"Is it a dagger to the throat?" said Edward.
"No. Watch this."
In his dream, the half-elf had seen an image of the jade-carved, copper-wrapped dragon necklace that he'd been wearing - the one that was supposedly cursed, such that if the wearer told a lie, the truth would be broadcast telepathically to all within 50 feet. He took it off and began to place it over Subwo's neck.
"That's attuned to you, though," the bard started to say. "Does it... work like that?"
"We're about to find out," said the rogue, as he let the cord fall around the kobold's neck.
"Interesting..."
"Huh?? Who said that?!" Zumies whirled around.
"Said what?" Edward looked confused.
Zumies blinked. Then, slowly, he tapped a finger to his head twice. "...Ah. It's in here, then. Interesting..."
"Oooh, nice!" Subwo turned over the jade carving in his claws. "This is nice! Very nice! Thank you! So nice!"
"Tell me again what happened?" Meepo commanded.
Subwo huffed. "Fine. This thing - oh, it was a skeleton! - It came up from the well, and then it... And then it went through the door, and--"
IT DIDN'T JUST GO THROUGH THE DOOR. SUBWO WAS SITTING ON THE THRONE AND TOLD IT WHERE TO GO.
All present suddenly heard a sharp, low, monotone voice in their minds, receiving the same message. The room went silent, as everyone stared at Subwo for an explanation.
"Eh-heh heh... what was that?" Subwo tried his best to shrink away into the floor.
11 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Noon - 4 Days Until Solstice)
=============
Meepo paraded into the throne room and claimed his throne. As the party and kobolds followed, Zumies pulled Edward aside.
"Now's a good distraction," said the rogue. "Let's go look for loot!"
"Yeah, why not?" said the bard. "Maybe we'll find some information about this place."
(https://i.postimg.cc/fR84f07C/132-absentees.png)
Zumies and Edward ventured back through the hazy dragon hallway, and back to the room where they'd first encountered Calcryx. A gaggle of kobolds had uprighted the table and sat around it squabbling over the various trinkets they'd scavenged from the room. A chalk flute, an olivine drum, and other cheaply-made or damaged baubles were strewn about the table before them.
"Approaching?!" announced a kobold holding a knife. "Ah, it's friends! Goblin killers!"
The other kobolds chattered happily. "Hooray! You're back!" "Didja kill all the others down the well?" "What'dja bring back?" "Lookit this cool rock!"
Edward laughed. "Well! It appears we've got fans!"
Zumies looked at the pile of garbage on the table with disdain. "Well, do they have any coin?"
"I'm hosting a big barter day!" The kobold at the end of the bench hoisted his copper dagger around blithely, jabbing it around the diner clockwise at each kobold as he hollered their labels. "Here's Twixo, and Hersho, and Zyro (with a 'y'), and Rutho - and I'm Varn!"
"I could've sworn you were gonna say 'Snicko,'" said Edward.
"He died," said Rutho. "Kit, too - poor Kat, she's inconsolable!"
"Inconsolable!" Varn echoed happily. "Indeed! I enjoy a complex lexicon!"
"Uhh..." Edward cocked an eyebrow. "What is this... bit?"
"I'm learning Common!" Varn cheered. "I've fully gleaned half a large language dictionary, including but absent after letter 'L.'"
"Wait a minute..." Zumies thought his eyes were about to pop out of his head. "You mean to say, you're learning Common by reading a dictionary from cover to cover, and so far know only - but every - word from 'A' through 'L'?"
"Indubitably!" declared Varn, haughtily.
Edward kicked aside Calcryx's broken chain and stood beside the table, leaning over the pile of goods with his arms spread wide. "So! It sounds like you critters need an impartial third-party to divvy this stuff up, eh?"
"Impartial!" Varn clapped gleefully. "Another exemplary jargon!"
"Impressive," said Zumies.
"Impressive!!" Varn's expression effervesced. "Even better! I like it!"
Hersho clung to the olivine drum for dear life. "This one mine! I already said it mine a hundred times, that makes it mine."
Twixo licked the drum. "There! Now it's mine!"
"Nooo! Now I gotta start over! It's mine it's mine it's mine it's mine--"
"Fellas, please!" Edward gestured for the kobolds to calm down. "There's a civilized way to do this. We'll go through each item one at a time and bid on it!"
"Bid! Bid!" Zyro (with a 'y') bounced in her chair. "I like that! ...What is 'bid?'"
Zumies smirked. "No problem, we'll show you how it's done. First, get all that junk out of the way, and put any coin you've got on the table."
"Any? All coin?" Varn glared at Zumies. "I am leery..."
"C'mon, let's just see what we're working with here."
Edward put on his best smile. "A gentleman's bid! Just like we do on the surface," he lied. "Hand me that drum while you're at it."
"No!" screamed Hersho. "My drum!"
One by one, the kobolds dumped pouches of copper and silver onto the table in front on them. Zumies perked up as he heard the familiar chingling of change. "Mmm... I can hear it; One of those ain't silver."
"Okay, Hersho," said Edward. "How much you wanna give for this--"
"It mine!" Hersho threw his entire fortune at Edward. "Here! Take it all, I want it!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/Nj4VXgKR/133-cheapo.png)
"Cool, cool," said Edward, grinning. "The current bid is 3 copper! Who can pay more than that?"
"Here!" Varn blurted. "A dozen copper for a drum!" He flung his coins across the chalk buffet.
"Ha-hah!" Twixo had nine copper, plus a single silver, and pushed it all in front of Edward. "Everyone knows grey-shinies worth more! I have more than you! That means it's mine!"
"Confound it!" Varn acquiesced.
"Oh, oh!" Zyro (with a 'y') pushed her pile into Twixo's. "I want it too!"
"What are you doing?!" Twixo screamed. "You're mixing it all together!! How many did you have?!"
"I had all of it!" Zyro (with a 'y') said happily. "Look, I had a grey shiny like you, too! Do I get the drum?"
"But how many copper did you have?!" Twixo frantically counted the coins on the table on his claws. "...8, 9, 10... I can't count any higher! How do I know you had more?!"
"Umm..." Rutho sheepishly pushed her coins into the growing pile - four copper, and a platinum. "I did this. Did I do good?"
"Yes, you certainly did!" Zumies scooped all of the kobold's coins into the bag of holding - slipping the platinum up his sleeve, of course. "The drum is yours!"
"Noooo!!!" Hersho wailed at the top of his lungs.
"Good!" said Twixo. "I just didn't want you to have it! Banging on that thing all night right next to my bunk... Rutho can have it. She sleeps on the other side of room, so I don't have to hear it!"
"Cool, very good," said Edward, nodding to Zumies with a sly grin. "Very nice! Okay, on to the next item. What is that, a flute made of chalk?"
"Sounds messy," said Zumies. "Who would want--"
"It's mine!" screamed Hersho. "It's mine it's mine it's--"
"Dude, chill!" Zumies held out his hands. "You'll bid on it like last time! Now, put all your coins on the table..."
"What coins?!" Twixo yelled. "You already took all our coins!"
"Bewilderment!" exclaimed Varn. "...Betrayal!"
"Now, now, hold up!" Edward held up his lute and struck a chord, getting their attention with a song while attepting to ease their hostility:
"Gentlekobolds, your plight we see;
You've spent all your hard-earned money!
But, fret not, there's another way;
Trade with secrets and in-for-may..." Edward paused. "...shun. Information."
"Nice save," teased Zumies.
"In-for-MAY-tion!" Varn intonated. "Here is hallowed shrine for Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare--"
"Flickersizzles the Glowing Silvers!" Twixo interrupted.
"Hush, loquacious interloper!" Varn continued. "Nelare is last known living adult dragon in Buzong Xömlox, but has been absent for long! Here is Citadel devoted for her - Nelare is Last Dragon Empress, but her location cannot be ascertained!"
"We already know that," said Zumies impatiently, keeping to himself that they know where she is... "Wait-- did you say 'adult' dragon?!"
Twixo intervened. "Written history of Buzong Xömlox goes back 212 years, that we know of. But, we believe the world - and the four most powerful dragons in it - are much older than that.
"Ah, yes," Edward recalled the names of the dragons from a memory of the musings of a lovely librarian he'd once wooed with his music:
"Obin Evekamde Anstridpalath (a.k.a. Obin "Flickergilt the Sizzling Diamond"), died 185;
Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare (Nelare "Flickersizzles the Glowing Silvers"), MIA;
Ongong Uslotxosna Obasp Zedan (Ongon "Brandedgilt the Pearl of Fire"), died 163;
Obasp Ongonggnosmu Angot Toslu (Obasp "Goldensizzles the Taxes of Jade"), died 107."
"Yes, yes!" Zyro (with a 'y') was pleased to hear their names. "There once were more, in a time before man's recordings, but between territorial infighting amongst themselves and other mythical creatures, and then the rise of armed civilizations, eventually only four remained. Then three, then two, then one... and then, none. At least, there's been no word of Nelare, the dragon to whom the Sunken Citadel was dedicated."
"What about Calcryx?" said Zumies. "Where'd she come from?"
"No one knows!" Rutho hopped up onto the table. "Calcryx was recovered as an egg from a lucky salvage by Yusdrayl herself! In fact, that's how the Chukujrulus tribe began. When Obin Flickergilt the Sizzling Diamond was shot and killed by the human Pethit Idolplaits in Agesgloomy, it was a terrible omen for dragonkind; Not only was Obin the oldest of the dragons, but he was the last known living male."
"Oh," said Edward, uncertain how to respond. He'd seen and heard tale of too many settlements burned to smoldering wreckage by the wanton attacks of dragonkind. Even so, the implications here were dire. "So, besides Nelare and Calcryx..."
"No more dragons are known," said Hersho woefully.
Rutho went on. "Obin's lair was ransacked, and of it, only three kobolds survived: Yusdrayl, and the brothers Isnef and Ratsgu. The trio went on to become highway bandits - and deadly ones, at that. One day, they caught a careless, but powerful wizard's wagon by surprise and, in a bloody battle that cost Isnef and Ratsgu their lives, Yusdrayl overcame the wizard and stole his treasure - a white dragon egg!"
"Really, is that how it happened?" Judging by what he knew of the villainous ex-leader, Edward had a feeling Yusdrayl's lone survival of the encounter was not an accident.
"Where there's an egg, there's a mating pair," said Zumies. "If Obin died over twenty years ago, that egg can't be his. Right?"
Edward nodded. "I was thinking the same thing... perhaps we haven't heard the last of dragonkind yet."
"It was with this egg that Yusdrayl lured other kobolds to her cause," Rutho prattled on, raising her volume as she got more into telling the story. "Eventually, the dragon hatched, and Calcryx was born! Yusdrayl succeeded in taming her right away, all by herself herself - an impressive feat that immediately garnered her the clout needed to form her own tribe. But, as managing the tribe took over her life, she no longer had time for Calcryx, and instead assigned other kobolds to watch after her. This made Calcryx very angry, and one by one, she would slay her keepers! Some say she wanted only to be cared for by Yusdrayl - but the newly queened kobold had a community to run.
"There were many 'Keepers of Dragons' before Meepo. In fact, the title was actually less of a badge of honor and more of a death sentence - even a mockery, as it eventually fell to the weakest kobolds who weren't expected to survive long on their own anyway. Meepo was lucky. Having learned the ways of a cleric, he was able to heal himself from Calcryx's wrath, and gradually she came to accept him as well - whether she respected his resilience, or simply recognized that he could heal her too, Meepo became the longest running 'Keeper of Dragons,' in spite of Yusdrayl's actual intentions."
"Sounds more like a sacrifice to me," said Edward.
"Or a snack-rifice!" Zumies, making finger-guns at the bard.
"Hey, that's a meanie thing to say!" Twixo crossed his arms, perturbed.
"Thank you-- Rutho, was it?" Edward applauded, once again to distract the kobolds from raising aggression. "That was incredibly detailed! The chalk flute is yours!"
"Aw, sweet! I got both!" Rutho put the chalk flute up to her snout, inhaled chalk dust, and sneezed, sending the flute clattering and shattering on the floor. "Ah-choo! Aw, snap! Whose idea was it to make a wind instrument out of chalk, anyway? Oh, well!"
Varn grabbed the fanciest item available - a half-eaten gopher - and demanded Edward advertise it. "Do it! Hurry!"
"Oh, come on," said Zumies. "We ain't got all day. Where's all the valuable stuff?"
"It has all been donated into Calcryx's hoard," lamented Varn. "But assuade her, it did little."
As if on cue, there was a terrible roaring, blasting, icy sound, screaming through the halls not far beyond the doorway.
"Oh, no!" Twixo hid under the table. "Not again!"
"It's mine!!" Hersho grabbed the gopher carcass and scurried into the corner. "It's mine it's mine it's mine it's mine--"
"Ack!" Varn clamored into a hullabaloo. "Everyone flee hastily!"
Another cacaphonous, chilly roar echoed through the halls, followed by screams of several kobolds. And another.
"That's our cue!" said Edward. "C'mon, Zumies - let's see what kind of trouble the others have gotten us into."
"Yeaaah," Zumies said, taking one last look at the room behind them - kobolds cowering beneath tables, chattering in corners over rotting meat, hammering away at a stone drum - and snickered. "We've caused enough of our own here. But, hey -" he shook the Bag of Holding. "At least we've emptied their pockets!"
11 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Noon - 4 Days Until Solstice)
-------------
(https://i.postimg.cc/zBrXLMxx/134-kingmeepo.png)
"Everyone settle down," said Meepo, claiming his throne of broken masonry. "One person at a time--"
"It was him!" Bofa the kobold hopped up and down, pointing at Space Pants. "The cat summoned the demon skeleton!"
"Somebody tried to stab me," complained Space Pants. "They were successful."
"And then he died," said ratNAROk. "Like... For no reason. Just fell over screaming. Which one was that again?"
"That was Butterfingo," said Meepo.
"Nobody laid a fingo on that Butterfingo," replied Bubb, as Space Pants snickered.
Meepo waved over Subwo, the only one of Yusdrayl's elites available, to have a side chat. "Subwo... Forget all this for a second. What's your take on things as a whole? What's gonna happen if I leave again?"
"Again?!" Subwo balked, then put on his best business face. "Yes! Well... When you left, we took stock of the situation, and things seemed pretty good. Most everyone was on board with the change in leadership."
"Most?" Meepo repeated.
"...There was some grumbling, but no more than usual. I didn't notice any threats. Anyway, we heard fighting through the well - you must have been fighting a big tree! We sent Quizno, my brother, down to see if you needed help, but you sent him back."
"Uh huh. Then what?"
"That's when Magre stepped in and said, 'Nothing's going to get done unless somebody steps up!' He sent me to the south camp to check on the clans who stayed behind in our original settlement, and he sent Quizno down the well again with a few others to make sure you were alright."
"'Make sure we were alright?'" said Meepo. "I said we didn't need help. So, you listened to Magre, even though he directly contradicted my orders?"
"Yes!" said Subwo, too enthusiastically. "I mean--... yes," he said again, apologetically. "B-- but, Quizno hasn't come back! I'm kinda worried about him..." At this, Subwo fell to a whisper. "But by the time I came back, Magre was already giving out orders, and while most of the tribe was on your side, they were listening to him in case you didn't come back and he might take the throne by default!"
"Magre has many loyalists," Meepo nodded. "I'm not surprised at all that he'd make such a move."
"If you'd stayed here, this wouldn't have happened," Subwo muttered.
"What was that?"
"I mean I mean-- I'm sorry! I don't want to tell you what to do!" Subwo put up his clawed hands defensively. "You're the king! I'm just telling you what I've seen."
Meepo nodded and considered. It was clear to him that if he were to leave again with the party, the tribe would probably tear itself apart. None would leave that power vacuum alone for long. He wondered what had happened to Yolo and Derpe, the other two elite guards, the latter of whom Meepo had actually put in charge but was absent - but, it mattered not to him. He glanced over and could tell that a few members of the party were able to hear and listening in on their whispered conversation. He tried to give them a subtle nod of assurance.
Alefgard's ears perked up. In the distance, he could hear what sounded like a pack of kobolds laughing raucously. Nobody else seemed to hear it, though. "Hmm," he thought, "Wonder what they have to laugh about while there's a scene of a massacre right outside. Something to think about..."
"Hey Subwo," said Meepo, "Would you like to be king?"
"Buh-- wha??" Subwo stammered. "Like... for real?! Is this a test?" Subwo stood rigid and spoke mechanically. "I am your servant, king Meepo! I will serve as you wish!"
"I think you could serve me best by leading the tribe," said Meepo. "I would rather not keep this throne, but pass it on to someone who deserves it - and I think you're best! What do you say?"
"I-- I don't know what to say! Okay!"
"Okay, but we need to make a deal," said Meepo.
"Oh-- okay, what is it?"
"I will hand over the throne under a couple of conditions." Meepo held up two claws. "First, my friends and I always get to come back here without being harmed, no questions asked."
Subwo glanced at Space Pants. Space Pants grinned at Subwo. Subwo shivered. "...Okay. And?"
"And I keep this crown." Meepo held up his head, letting the light catch his platinum crown.
"But what do I lead with?" Subwo felt around his belt. "...Oh, wait! This sacrificial dagger! It belonged to Yusdrayl!"
"No, we found that and gave it to her as a gift. You're not going to lead by waving a knife around! You can hold her scepter."
"Oh..." Subwo slumped his shoulders. "Oh, no..."
"What's wrong?"
"Uhh... About that scepter... I don't have it anymore."
"Who has it?"
"Calcryx..." Subwo became very nervous. "She's been really... really irate lately, and we've... kinda had to give her all of our treasure to keep her calm so she'd stop eating us. Including that scepter."
"How's that been working out?"
"Not well..."
"Make him get the scepter himself," said Space Pants. "That's his trial."
"You know what? I like it!" said Meepo. "Worthy of leadership, you must prove yourself! Prove that you have the strength to lead this tribe - by reclaiming Yusdrayl's scepter from Calcryx!"
"...Are you serious?"
"Am I still the king?"
"By myself?!"
"Take Erky with you," said Space Pants.
"I'm not goin' near that dragon," said Erky. "No way!"
"Meepo handled Calcryx by himself for a long time, and that's why he's king." ratNAROk egged him on, pointing a finger aggressively at the kobold. "If you want to be king, you'd better show up!"
"But--"
"You can have help from the other kobolds, if you can find yourself some volunteers," said Meepo. "...But, also, ratNAROk's right."
"Ohhh," Subwo wailed. "But... okay. And then I get to be... ooohh, no good... But the king said... oooohhhhhhhhkay..." Trembling, Subwo wandered out the south door, gingerly stepping over Snicko's skeleton-slain body just outside the door.
"What about them?!" Bofa piped up, pointing at the dead kobolds.
"What about 'em?" said Space Pants. "That guy's gonna die. No way that dragon's gonna give up its hoard."
"I thought we came into the throne room to hash out our differences!" said Bofa.
"There have been a lot of 'differences,' said Space Pants. "Too many to name."
"And too little time!" Meepo shouted. "Bofa, we'll get to that - but first, go and help Subwo."
"What!!"
"You heard your king! Make sure he does as he's told and doesn't chicken out. Besides, if she's really been that much of a problem... he's gonna need help."
"Why don't you--"
"Why don't I what?"
"...Nothing, King Meepo." Bofa turned and sulked off after Subwo.
ratNAROk whistled. "Daaang. That's how you do it!"
"Anyone want to place bets?" said Meepo, smugly.
"Umm..." Zeke shifted uncomfortably. "Were you just thinking out loud, or...?"
"No bets," said ratNAROk. "There's no way they make it."
"Nah, I think they will," said Meepo. "But, if they don't... Guess what? Plenty more kobolds where they came from! They'll be lining up for that cushy 'elite' position. That's just how they are."
"Uh-oh," ratNAROk eyed the crown on Meepo's head, "Has the power already gone to your head? Or, is this the real 'Meepo?'"
"First off!!" Meepo jumped up and stood on his throne. "A lot of these guys pushed me around for years, and now suddenly they're all friendly like nothing's happened. Second, they've already tried to overthrow me while I was gone - and it was Magre, that undercutting, no good... Magre was head of my clan, and always made sure I got the crappy jobs so I'd never get a chance to get ahead. No doubt he couldn't bear to see me rule him!"
"Wow. Anything else?"
"Yes! Third, that dragon tried to kill me!!" Meepo shivered, subconsciously reliving being hit square in the face with her ice breath. "Anyway, I've had nothing but fun since you guys came along! Why would I stay?"
ratNAROk only responded with sinister laughter.
"Meepo, you've changed, man," said Alefgard.
"Yeah," said the kobold, laughing, "and I'm keeping this crown."
(https://i.postimg.cc/bNGw4mj6/135-sneakpants.png)
Curious, Space Pants snuck out of the room to see how Subwo and Bofa would fare on their possibly-doomed quest. The bodies of the kobolds slain by Cutter 5 were being carried off to a southern chamber. Meanwhile, Subwo and Bofa appeared to have stopped by a nearby campfire to chat before making his way to Calcryx. Perhaps they were rallying troops? Space Pants hid under some nearby bedfurs to listen in.
"Well? What did Meepo say about the skeleton?" asked Toblero.
"He didn't say anything!" said Bofa. "He just said he was too busy and sent me to-- uuuhhh, tell you that!"
"That cat's gotta pay!" growled Kat. "That thing killed Kit! He was my brother!"
"Me too!" said Whoop. "Shoopda was my brother, and he didn't deserve that!"
"He stole a mouse from me once," said Toblero.
"When will you let it gooo?!" wailed Whoop.
"Kit, Shoopda, Snicko, Magre... and then Butterfingo mysteriously died," said Subwo, shaking his head. "When I'm king, I'll make sure that cat is dealt with!"
"You gotta get that scepter back from Calcryx, first!" said Bofa. "You know... by yourself, like King Meepo said!"
"He said I could have help!" Subwo puffed out his chest. "And when I'm king, I'll remember your loyalty in exchange for, uh, favor! And stuff!"
"Favor?!" Kat squealed. "To take something out of the dragon's hoard? Forget it!"
Space Pants surveyed the scene with a glint in his eye. "Perfect," he thought, "now's the right moment."
The cat stared at Whoop from hiding, Subtly weaving into the kobold's psyche a Suggestion that Subwo's intentions were suspect. Whoop furrowed his brow as he considered the possibility that Subwo had in fact taken liege with Meepo, that he and his cohorts here were under suspicion of overthrowing the crown, and this was a trap meant to see them removed. Just in case, Whoop kicked Toblero under the table and then scratched his eye, a gesture which Toblero then repeated to Kat and Bofa. Each of the kobolds sat uncomfortably as Subwo asked again.
"Aw, really? I mean-- we can't live in fear of the dragon! We need to show that we command it, and we need that scepter to show it who's boss!"
"Good!" Kat crossed her arms. "Good luck, then! Have fun!"
"What!" Subwo was flustered. "Why you... Fine! I will do it myself, and when I come back with that scepter--"
"--then I'll bake you a great big muck-pie!" Kat shooed him off. "Go on, you got this!"
Subwo stormed off through the east passage, muttering under his breath. Bofa sidled up beside the fire and said, "Don't worry, he's probably not coming back."
"Heh," said Space Pants. "So long, Subwo."
Almost as soon as Subwo disappeared through the east door, from the halls deeper within echoed the sound of cheering kobolds. "Huzzah!" The timing was such that it likely had nothing to do with Subwo's departure, but it was in the direction he would be going.
Alefgard cocked his head. "Weird... again."
"I heard," said Bubb, in his buzzing, grating voice. "I'll go see what's up."
Bubb strolled through the kobold sleeping area - the bodies had already been carted off, so there was no longer anything here of interest to the fly cleric of death. They walked towards the eastern doorway, but were stopped by the kobolds near the fire.
"Hold it!" said Toblero. "Where do you think you're going?"
"It's one of the cat's friends!" said Kat. "Be careful!"
Instead of answering, Bubb unhinged their warforged jaw and leaned its head back. Maggots welled up from inside its metal throat, wriggling white worms welling up like writhing rice.
Whoop looked at Bofa. "These guys are nuts! Run!!"
The kobolds scattered away from the disgusting priest, leaving Bubb to go about their business investigating through the east door.
(https://i.postimg.cc/L6RXHvvH/136-bubbsnoop.png)
The hazy room with the dragon-carved pillars was extra hazy at the moment, but Bubb could barely see Subwo walking through the well room to the south. The kobold barked out a short conversation with others near the well, but Bubb could not gather their meaning. Bubb considered intervening, but then noticed Zumies standing in the doorway where they'd first met Calcryx. The rogue's back was turned, and as he heard Edward's voice from inside, it was clear they were thoroughly engaged with some form of shenanigans. "He's not doing a great job of keeping lookout, if that's his intention." Bubb then decided to sit down on the floor in the doorway, effectively blocking that exit from the dormitory. "Very well. They have those exits covered, I will cover these. Let's just wait and see what happens next."
Bubb did not have to wait long for their patience to pay off. From down the halls where Subwo had come, they heard clearly the snap of a chain, the snarl of a beast, and the collective gasp of a bunch of worried kobolds.
"Oh." Bubb turned and shouted across the commune, towards the throne room where the others remained. "I think it's about to get a bit colder in here!"
Back inside the throne room, Meepo, either not hearing Bubb or choosing not to, casually eyed the iron chest on the floor before him. "There were, what... eight-hundred gold coins in there when we left earlier?"
ratNAROk kicked open the chest. It was empty. "Ach! Not anymore! 'Ey must've fed 'em to the dragon!"
"Dragons don't eat treasure," said Meepo, "they hoard it! And your fake accent's getting better!"
Despite its lack of treasure, Zeke eyed the iron chest thoughtfully. There were intricate carvings of dragons, demons, and angels all flying the same skies, a terrible storm of wings clearly at battle, but unclear as to who was fighting who. Perhaps they were all waging war together. "That is... a pretty cool chest, not gonna lie." The badger nodded appreciatively.
"You want that chest?" said Meepo.
"Kinda," said Zeke. "A little bit."
"5,000 gold credit for your store!" Meepo pounded his yklwa on the floor as he laughed. "Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Kinda like your prices!"
"Hey man, magic items aren't cheap! But I do like the artwork on this... Hrmm..." At length, he smiled. "Say, ratNAROk... How bad do you want that giant wrench - the 'Nutcracker?'"
"No." The mouseman shook his head. "C'mere."
"Oh? But I thought you wanted--"
"Over here," ratNAROk waved the badger over. "Lemme talk to you in private."
"Oh, uh..." Awkwardly, Zeke looked around, and then stepped one whole foot away from the party to where ratNAROk was standing just slightly off to the side. "...'Kay. What's up?"
ratNAROk, though half Zeke's size, threw his arm up over the badger's shoulders. "Whaddaya want for that wrench?" He tweaked his head in Meepo's direction. "You want me to kill 'im?"
"What?" said Meepo.
"Huh?!" Zeke balked.
"So I can have his share of the chest."
"What're you talking about?" Meepo strained to hear. "I thought I heard my name!"
"We're just dealin'!" ratNAROk waved him off.
"I think he was gonna let you trade the chest," said Zeke. "You don't gotta kill him! But, uh... the chest might not be enough on its own."
"Well, what else do you want?" The barbarian thumped his chest. "I want what you got."
Before Zeke could reply, there was a terrible roar from down the hall, followed by kobolds screaming. Then, silence.
"Guys?" Bubb called out. "It just got colder in here!"
"Nevermind!" said the badger. "I hate dragons! You can have it for the chest - if you're gonna use it to fight that thing!"
"Deal! I'll help you carry it down into your hidey-hole shop."
With a press of a button on the device on Zeke's belt, a dirt hole opened up in the stone floor beside him. Zeke and ratNAROk each took a side of the chest and carried it down the ladder.
(https://i.postimg.cc/63dyRMc5/137-zekeratchest.png)
"Oof!!" Zeke grunted "Ouch... might've pulled something."
"C'mon, ya wee badger!" ratNAROk, half Zeke's size, hoisted the chest with one arm. "We dinnae want to let 'er get away! Lift with the legs!"
"'Dinner?'" Zeke huffed as he tried getting a firmer grip on his side of the chest. "Isn't it like... lunchtime? Maybe I don't understand your dialect. Urgh-- how are you lifting this so easily?!"
"Don't worry," said Erky. "He just makes it up as he goes."
Sergei turned to Meepo. "So... what is the plan?"
"You're lookin' at it," said Meepo. "We stay out of engagement, let her tire herself out and fill up on kobolds."
"Your kobolds," said Sergei.
"Whatever," said Meepo. "Meanwhile, I gotta think up a way to convince Quizno to go after his brother whenver we see him again."
"We never did find Quizno, did we?" said Alefgard. "Or Yolo. Or Derpe."
"Maybe we won't see them again," said Sergei. "We never stopped to identify those kobold zombies we saw below, did we?" The dragonborn looked across the room towards the sound of the commotion. "Perhaps I will join Bubb and make sure they're handling the situation alright..."
"Handling it." Bubb scooched inside the room and shut the door, leaving a few flies on the other side of it to go and scout ahead.
"Probably a wise move," said Sergei, walking up to Bubb. "How do you think they're faring?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/dQnMyBwQ/138-bubbbreath.png)
"Poorly," said the cleric, as their flies surveyed the scene. Four crystalline pillars of frozen kobold stood running in place before a very angry young white dragon, freely roaming the southern halls. "I suggest we stay our current course of inaction."
"You'll hear no argument from me," said Sergei, readying his weapon in case anything should try coming through the door behind Bubb.
At the sound of the second breath weapon, the party started to mobilize. Alefgard appeared behind Sergei, readying a Thunderclap should anything come through the door. Erky did the same, preparing to cast Bless at the first sign of trouble.
Space Pants discovered a pumpkin within the furs he was hiding in, and affixed it to his hat. "Huh? What's going on? Are they dead yet?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/FRG5XZBW/139-spacepumpkin.png)
Meepo got off his throne and shouted down into Zeke's burrow, using Thaumaturgy to amplify his voice. "Hurry up! The dragon's on its way!" Then, Meepo went ahead to join the others.
"We're goin' as fast as I can carry this wee man!" ratNAROk's voice called up.
"You're so small, how are you so strong?!" Zeke could be heard complaining from within.
"Hurry, hurry!" ratNAROk started kicking over tables and busting boxes open. "Where is it?!"
"Dude! Just chill, alright?! Let me go get it!"
ratNAROk entered a rage at the mere thought of fighting a dragon, kicking over displays and punching the dirt walls of Zeke's shop. "Must!! Smash!! Dragon!!"
Just then, the kobolds who were at the campfire earlier - Toblero, Whoop, Bofa, Kat, and now an additional kobold, Tik - came back in through the north door, looking angry.
Erky preemptively cast Bless on Alefgard, Sergei, and Bubb. "Hey, those kobolds are up to something!"
"Nope," said Space Pants, casting Mind Spike on Tik with a flick of his wrist. The hapless kobold clutched its earholes as it fell to the ground screaming and dying. "That's what you get for bringing help."
"Just like Butterfingo!" cried Kat, pointing. "I knew it was the cat!"
"Oh, gods above and below!" Space Pants put his paws up to his face in mock astonishment. "He's dying! Just like I killed your friend, Butterfingo!"
The admission came as no surprise, and failed to intimidate the kobolds, who looked ready for revenge. Alefgard backed up Space Pants with a prepared Thunderclap, hoping the booming sound would help to scare them.
"OW!!" Erky, standing right in front of Alefgard, covered his ears. "WHY'D YOU DO THAT RIGHT BEHIND ME?"
"Stop shouting," said the wizard, "you're right in my face!"
"WHAT?!"
Bubb stepped towards Tik's deceased body and released their swarm upon it. The kobolds gasped and backed away as the flies made a meal of their friend once standing beside them a moment ago. "You can join your friend here," said Bubb, pointing their warforged arm at Tik's body, "or you can join your friends there," pointing towards the door where the sounds of dragon's breath were coming from. "Choose."
"No! Don't eat us!" Toblero pleaded. "We'll be good! Just leave us be!" He and the other kobolds surrendered and backed away, deciding very quickly they wanted none of this fight.
Meepo sauntered through the door from the throne room, and cast Thaumaturgy again, causing his voice to boom. "Fellow kobolds, hear me! The holder of the scepter rules the tribe - right now, that means Calcryx is our queen! If you think you're tough enough to liberate us from her, you know what you have to do - get that scepter! And it must be one-on-one combat!"
"Phew!" Bofa tried to hide behind Toblero. "I think he's forgotten he ordered me to help Subwo?"
"What was that?" said Toblero.
"I said I think he's gotten taller, you know?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/43h7KycZ/140-nutcracker.png)
Clanging and banging every step of the way, ratNAROk charged out of Zeke's sett with his new weapon - a giant, battery-powered wrench. The barbarian ran yelling down the halls of the burrow, smashing the heavy weapon into dirt walls every step of the way.
"Man, come on!" Zeke wailed. "Stop it! I've gotta smooth all that out later!"
"Rraghaghagha!! Huff... huff..." ratNAROK slowed down as soon as he climbed out of the hole. "...I'm out of rage."
"We haven't even seen the dragon yet!" Zeke said, climbing out behind him. "You gotta conserve your energy!"
"Nah," said ratNAROk. "The key to being a barbarian is to be angry and smashing stuff all the time. Like this!" ratNAROk raised the heavy wrench over his head and jogged towards the door, already winded. "Huff... huff..."
Down the hall, through the shut door, the screeching sound of a third breath attack from a very angry dragon seemed to signal the end. More screams of kobolds, this time accompanied by voices saying, "Forget it! Let her go! She's gone completely mad! Just let her go!!"
The kobolds in the dormitories with the party, already cowed by their combined intimidation attempts, turned to scatter out the north door. "We gotta go! Now!"
"I don't think you understand the situation you're in," said Space Pants, leveling his gaze and a sinister smile at Toblero, as he cast Dissonant Whispers. "You can't leave." The sound of his voice came from everywhere and nowhere at once, taunting the kobold from every corner. "You're all gonna die, and none of you can leave."
"Ack!" Toblero screamed. "Get out! Get out of my head! Yeargh!!" Toblero fell to the ground screaming. The other kobolds screamed and fled through the north door.
Seeing this, Bubb walked over to Space Pants and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Eh? Whaddaya--"
"Bad kitty." As Bubb placed their hand on the sorcerer's shoulder, they cast an empowered Inflict Wounds.
(https://i.postimg.cc/cJhrp19W/141-bubbzap.png)
"Oh," said Space Pants, as his fur and flesh peeled away to rot from necrotic energy. "That's just great..." Unable to muster any more of a retort, the cat blacked out and fell to the cleric's profane touch.
11 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Afternoon - 4 Days Until Solstice)
-------------
Space Pants hit the ground on all fours. He vomited a black ichor that smelled of almonds and spoiled meat. Bubb, the fly cleric of death, stood over their unsuspecting victim, the air buzzing with the flapping of thousands of hungry wings.
Erky, surprised, fell back, hiding a smile. "Oh boy, here we go..." The gnome began chanting the verse for Hold Person. "Have at it, but if either of you bring that mess over here to us, you've got another thing comin'!"
"Ah, good!" Sergei folded his arms and nodded at the scuffle in approvement. "Some light sparring! This will help build camaraderie. But I must find out what happened to our kobold friend." The dragonborn fighter turned to leave through the East door.
"Uh..." Alefgard rubbed the back of his neck. "Sparring?? Are you sure? He looks pretty almost-dead to me."
"It's fine. They're just roughhousing."
"I think his ear just sloughed onto the floor."
"...They're really, extra roughhousing." Sergei waved a claw dismissively. "It's fine, we've got, what, four healers? Maybe even five?"
"One of those healers is the one killing him!"
"Okay, well, Erky's standing right there!"
The gnome cleric-turned-barbarian laughed. And then, he laughed some more.
"Let 'em fight it out!" said Meepo, standing in the doorway, waving his holy symbol around.
"Huh," said Sergei. "Perhaps Zeke will spare the cat, again? ...Wherever he is?"
As if in reply, a clattering and clammoring of metal-on-stone came smashing through the throne room door. ratNAROk, practically foaming at the mouth, smashed his newly-acquired 'Nutcracker,' a giant wrench, into every available surface on the way out towards the sounds of battle, sending bits of masonry and spittle flying in his wake.
"Dragon!!" The barbarian mouse charged south.
"Wait!!" Panting and out of breath, Zeke dashed through the doorway after ratNAROk, trying to keep up. "Hang on! Dude, it's a cool weapon but you can't just fight a dragon by yourself with it!" Distracted by the rampaging mouse, the badger ran by, completely oblivious to the sight - and smell - of Space Pants' last gasp. "Also, you just wrecked half my shop!!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/K8T50v1D/142-catfight.png)
"Hrm," Sergei muttered. "Well, perhaps Edward and Zumies will be back soon so Edward can patch up Space Pants..."
Just that moment, Zumies poked his head in the room from the north door. He took one look at Space Pants melting into the floor at Bubb's feet, snrrked, said "I just wanted to tell you all, good luck! We're all counting on you," and left. "Hey, Edward!" They could hear the rogue's voice echo down the hall. "Get a load of this!"
"...Oh, well. On to find Subwo!"
Sergei sifted through the hazy pillared chamber and checked the south door. The door was ajar. He could neither open nor close the door since it was already both of those things, so he put an ear to it instead to listen. Hearing nothing, he put his shield in front of himself and used it to push the door open further. The door lead to the well room. On the floor was a (narrow Iron helm) presumably left behind by a goblin or kobold. Sergei picked up the helm and attached it to his belt. He also saw a single fly of Bubb's brood, lost on its way home from its earlier scouting mission.
"Ah," Sergei nodded, "It appears this room has already been bugged."
"Hah!" said Alefgard, suddenly behind Sergei. "Good one."
"Oh?" The dragonborn turned, startled. "You did not stay back to see how it ends? You seemed to be concerned for Space Pants before."
"What do you want me to do?" said Alefgard. "Heal him with my magic?"
"I mean... that's what they do, usually, so... yes, potentially."
Back in the common room where the party was killing each other, Space Pants coughed up more black sludge. He felt like his innards were pouring out of his face like a wineskin of sour rank. "Not one of 'em moved to save me?" thought the cat. "I'll remember that... for as long as I live... which I guess... isn't gonna be for much longer."
Bubb looked down at the sorcerer dying at his feet. Once again, he placed a hand upon Space Pants. The maggots and flies streamed out of their warforged framework and began nibbling away at the decayed flesh as they knit new skin beneath, healing Space Pants bit by bit as they slowly, agonizingly cleaned his wounds.
"Ow," said Space Pants. "But, like, a thousand bitey times."
Bubb commanded their maggots to heal Space Pants's ears first. Then, they kneeled down low over his squirming body. "Space Pants... It doesn't feel very good, does it? You sow pain only for the purpose of enjoying the pain of others. You kill when there is no hunger to satisfy, or danger to quell. You bring danger and death to the swarm not only when it could be avoided, but when it is thoroughly unnecessary."
Space Pants spat out another mouthful of black bile, right onto Bubb's boot. "I'm gonna stick to my promise - to never, ever learn a lesson."
Bubb looked down at the rotten vomit on his shoe. Immediately, some flies set upon it to lap it up. "Oh, a present. Thank you. Now, hold still while we work on your insides."
Erky stepped forward, fists clenched, and he picked up Space Pants by the scruff of the collar to look him in the eye, so the cat could see that Erky's eyes had changed to solid black with white starbursts in the center. "You hear that, cat? Your comeuppance is on its way! You will suffer for what you've done. Hahahahaha!"
"Thaumaturgy. Cute." Bubb slapped Erky away. "No vengeance. No unjust suffering."
"Unjust?!" The gnome was indignant. "You've seen the things he's done! That's why you reacted!"
Space Pants threw up on Erky, clearly on purpose.
"Oh, great - now I'm covered in blood AND vomit! This is never washing off..." Erky threw up his hands and wandered off towards the eastern door, muttering obscenities to himself.
Though the sorcerer's wounds were being healed, it was happening slowly - and grotesquely. Space Pants looked up at Bubb, his eyebrow twitching.
"Hm?" Bubb leaned in. "Are you trying to say something?"
Space Pants vomited on Bubb again.
"I see," said the death cleric. "I'm not sure what you're trying to suggest, but perhaps you should keep your poisonous words to yourself and let the bugs do their work for now, hm?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/hPN4q3ND/143-infirmary.png)
Meanwhile, in a chamber south-west of the main sleeping quarters, ratNAROk the mouse crashed through the door with his massive pipe wrench, bearing a few lumps on the head from whacking himself while waving it recklessly on the way. Zeke the badger huffed and puffed as he ran out of breath chasing after the wild rodent.
"Where's that dragon?!" ratNAROk demanded, half-crazed with rage.
The living kobolds turned with a tearful start, arms full of crude sutures and ceremonial wrappings, while the dead remained still, much to everyone's relief. It appeared the kobolds had converted this spare barracks into an infirmary, but at the nonce it served more as a morgue. The five recently-deceased kobolds - Kit, Snicko, Butterfingo, Shoopda, and Magre - laid upon soiled, bloodied mats of fur, apparently being prepared for some ritual of departure.
"N-no!" One of the kobolds replied. "These are the kobolds that were killed by your skeleton--"
"Allegedly," said Zeke.
"--and since you've come back!"
Zeke glanced over his shoulder at the corpses of Tik and Toblero laying in the common area behind him. "Dude, don't look at me! I've been babysitting this guy all day. Ever since I gave him something heavy to swing around, I have to say I feel a little bit responsible for what he--"
ratNAROk smashed the pipe wrench into the center of the olivine door, cracking it in half horizontally. What remained of the door stayed on its hinges, but its two halves swung independently on its top and bottom hinges. "I see no dragon," said the barbarian, "Only weakness." With that, the mouse turned and charged towards the east door.
Zeke pointed sheepishly at the broken door. "I, uh... I take no responsibility for that. Sorry for your loss... es! There's, ah, a couple more out here, do you want--"
"GET OUT!!"
"Oh-- yeah, sure, sure! I'll just shut this for ya real quick." Zeke shut the top half of the door. "Heh... whoops! Gotta have your privacy." The badger then shut the bottom half of the door. The top half fell off its hinge with a crash, causing Zeke to stare directly into a room full of weepy, cranky kobold eyes staring back at him. "I'll... leave. Now."
Might take a bit longer with the next update - not only is it holiday season, but the party is near the end of the dungeon, meaning I need to scramble to make Roll20 maps for the next area... which will be none other than Severedcoils!
-------------
Sergei stepped into the eastern chamber, putting the sounds of allied combat behind him in order to focus on the sounds ahead of him. Subwo the kobold presumably went this way to approach an irritated dragon - and, sure enough, the sounds of snarling and gnashing of teeth reverberated through the halls ahead.
Keeping quiet, the dragonborn gestured for Alefgard to stay close. He stepped through the threshhold of the next room...
(https://i.postimg.cc/bvjFTgD2/145-lemmetrap.png)
...and then, wisely, leaned in to inspect the room before setting foot inside. The eye emblazoned on his Sentinel Shield glowed faintly as he held it before him. Moments later, his own eyes rested on the floor in front of him.
"Ah--!" Sergei raised an arm to halt Alefgard, then pointed at the seams in the floor, suggesting two false panels hinged around what might be a two-foot wide catwalk through the center of the room. He held his hand up flat, palm down, and tilted downward, silently indicating to Alefgard that there was a pit trap before them. Ha, he thought, just like the one at the front door! You'll not make a fool of me twice, gravity.
Sergei stepped across the catwalk with Alefgard following close behind. As they made it to the other side, another commotion caused them to stop again.
(https://i.postimg.cc/1X5fXX5H/146-nobolds.png)
Suddenly, a door ahead to the East burst open before them. A throng of panicked kobolds spilled out of the adjacent room, wailing and clamoring over each other as they scurried down the hall towards the dungeon's exit. From the looks of it, the adjacent room they'd come from had been their original living quarters. Not one of the fleeing kobolds so much as looked in Sergei or Alefgard's direction.
"This seems like a bad sign," said Sergei. "They're abandoning their home."
"Eh," said Alefgard, shrugging dismissively.
Meanwhile, back in the northern settlement, Bubb extended an arm and recalled the maggots and flies that were knitting Space Pants back together. The bugs had done a fantastic, horrifying job.
Space Pants gingerly picked himself up off the floor, surprised at first that he could stand, but refusing to show it. "Thank you, Bubb, even though you did this to me."
"You had it coming," said Bubb.
"Oh, I don't disagree at all," said Space Pants, somehow accepting this as fact without reasoning or caring why he deserved it, only that it will almost certainly happen again.
The party collected themselves and gathered towards the eastern chambers to see where Sergei and Alefgard had gotten to. Erky chided Space Pants, "Well, well, cat... What have we learned?"
"What did I learn?" Space Pants replied with a slight smile. "Here, I'll show you."
Space Pants cast Minor Illusion.
(https://i.postimg.cc/BbGgtdjp/147-tallerky.png)
"There. Tall Erky."
The apparently tall gnome dropped his snide grin. "This... changes nothing."
"Exactly."
Just then, ratNAROk charged into the room well ahead of a tired and panting Zeke, still flailing his giant wrench around, alternating between smashing it into the walls - and his own head.
(https://i.postimg.cc/13LgRWZv/148-raging.png)
Sergei whirled around. "Mouse man! Control yourself, lest we be heard."
The barbarian answered between swings of his Nutcracker, "Gotta *smash* stay *bonk* mad *crunch* for *wham* the dragon!!"
The badger ran in behind ratNAROk, and doubled over hands-on-knees to catch his breath. "Dude... You guys are a lot younger than me. I mean-- I'm not old, but, I'm not as fast as I used to be."
"No worries, shopkeep. None of us can keep up with him either." Sergei did a double-take when he noticed Meepo. "Little one, why do you stand crooked like that?"
Meepo was walking while leaning heavily forward on his yklwa, making pronounced clacks on the floor with each step. "I am king! I must appear regal now."
The fighter looked at Meepo with confusion. "It appears to be very bad for your posture. Why, it hurts me to look at you doing that. Did Yusdrayl skulk around like that when she was in charge?"
Meepo stood up tall. "No, I was, uh... trying it out. Hey, where's Calcryx?"
Sergei sighed. "Well, regardless of this little mess, I believe we still have the element of surprise. Whatever's happening out there is far more distracting than us standing around hitting ourselves in the head with oversized hand tools."
"Then let's get out there and smash it!!" ratNAROk pushed his way past Sergei and dashed ahead in.
"...Not what I meant, but alright, looks like we're doing it this way. Onward."
ratNAROk headed West, stopping briefly to admire the kobold-cicles standing frozen in the hallway. A cone-shaped patch of snow and windswept frost covered the ground at their feet. "Ooh, pretty... pretty horrifying!" ratNAROk laughed coldly and continued down the corridor ahead of the pack.
Sergei clicked his tongue as he guarded the doorway, covering the party while ratNAROk scouted - but the barbarian's laughter sent a shiver down his spine. "Chilling..."
Meepo stared wide-eyed at the frozen kobolds. "Beano... Bumbo... Yarp... and Subwo!" Sure enough, the largest of the frobold 'statues' turned out to be the elite guard they'd apparently sent to his doom. The cleric tapped a claw against Subwo's forearm, hearing it clink. "Frozen solid... Calcryx has never blown cold this intense before. And the cone is wider than usual..."
"We heard it three times in somewhat rapid succession," said Bubb. "Most unusual for a young dragon. Then again, dragons in general are quite unusual, as there are so few." The fly cleric was still for a moment. "...And this is a young dragon. Until a few days ago, I was under the impression Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare was the last of her kind."
"That's why Calcryx is special," said Meepo. "Yusdrayl rescued her egg from a merchant's cart. We have no idea where they found it. But, even though she became dangerous, we had to protect her anyway. Her very existence is a miracle. A young dragon, after two hundred years only knowing of four dragons total, and supposedly one dragon left - Calcryx gives hope to dragonkind."
Meepo went to each frozen body and said a prayer to Nelare. "It would seem Subwo has failed his quest to rule the tribe - but I guess there's no tribe left to rule anymore, anyway."
"You seem to be taking it well," said Sergei.
Meepo sighed. "I'm free. No more bullies, no more bitey dragon..." Meepo paused for a while. "...It's what I thought I've always wanted, but now that I have it... it's a little sad that the home I knew is just... gone, just like that."
"A chapter closes," said Sergei, "so that another may follow. This is the end of the path you've been walking so far. Fret not! Although you must now forfeit the comfort of familiarity, that vacancy will soon be filled with the wonder of adventure."
Meepo nodded. "...But before I leave this place forever, we're going to go settle the score with those pesky goblins and take their stupid apple! Right?"
The red dragonborn chuckled heartily. "There's that draconic spirit! Don't worry, so long as those goblins stand between us and that tree, they'll be getting theirs quite soon."
CRASH!!
The snobold of Subwo shattered. Millions of splinters of ice and scales exploded out from under the divine fury of ratNAROK's mighty wrench.
"Ack!!" Meepo cried out. "Subwo!!"
"Oh, no, no, no," Sergei shook his head, "friend ratNAROk, he was already dead! I thought you had left! Why would you--"
"Did you honestly think I'd leave before cracking open a couple of cold ones?"
"But why??"
The barbarian screamed, "Demolition, man!!"
"Way to throw a bucket of cold water over the moment," said Space Pants.
"Geez, man," said Alefgard, "Chill out."
"That's one way to break the ice!" quipped Erky. "...No?"
"Erky..." said Space Pants, putting a paw on the gnome's shoulder, "...Let it go."
Map progress: 61/62! Just one left, which is technically already finished, but then I had an idea for something really, super cool to add to it, so I'm just waiting for a good night to knock that one out. Nothing left to delay, time to get back on schedule!
If you haven't heard, Wizards of the Coast - who owns Dungeons and Dragons, and by extension the Sunless Citadel and its NPCs - currently as of this writing allows content creators, like myself, to develop for DnD and/or with DnD assets without fear of owing royalties or ownership from WotC, under a document called the Open Game License, or OGL 1.0a. That is slated to change in the very near future.
Now, I am not a lawyer, so my understanding may not be correct - and the final draft hasn't been released, so a lot of this is based on community speculation. Regardless, I am a creator who could've lost a lot over this, and still could, and I'd rather not spend the next several years fretting over whether this could happen again.
I have always operated under the assumption that I had implied permission to use all assets I've been using, provided no money ever changes hands - Dwarf Fortress and the Guybrush tileset have always been provided openly, and OGL 1.0a promised it was fine to do this with DnD as well. Though nothing is set in stone and community pushback has definitely had an impact, that promise was broken when OGL 1.1 leaked; It appeared as though WotC's intention was to claim ownership of ALL content created under their flag - which includes all of our characters. Some of these characters come from other series - we don't want to see them suddenly become somebody else's property by proxy of association.
So, this puts me - and ALL creators who were working under the impression of a "perpetual, unending agreement" - in a pickle. Until we see the final version of this OGL, we'll have to tread lightly and consider carefully whether to release content that derived from DnD
To summarize; OGL changes pulled the rug out from under us, "Severedcoils I" is perfectly safe from all this, and "Severedcoils II" will have to pivot from its current course, but we're not going anywhere.
I'd like to open this up to reader feedback. If you have any thoughts as to how any of this pertains to "Severedcoils," please feel free to comment. I ask that discussion be kept focused to our story, though. Just about everyone is upset about the OGL, and there are lots of places to voice those opinions, but I'd like to keep this thread focused on "Severedcoils" and the Dwarf Fortress community. The team will be meeting this Tuesday to discuss where to go from here, and we'll take your feedback into consideration. Once we've made up our minds, I'll let you know what we're doing, close the discussion (you're always welcome to leave a comment on the story if you like it, as long as it doesn't detract from the story), and resume some time next week.
Thank you all for reading. And, don't worry - one way or another, "Severedcoils" will have its ending.
Over the past few weeks you, the community, have made your voices heard. (https://twitter.com/DnDBeyond/status/1619064403466326027) And we’ve listened. OGL 1.0a will remain untouched AND the entire SRD 5.1 is now available under a Creative Commons license.
Space Pants said, "Didja hear that, Erky? Looks like you get to stay with us! Forever and ever and ever and..."
(https://i.postimg.cc/J0hxTy9w/153-erkyisours.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/gJs4qytq/154-superberserky.png)
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Chips of shattered Subwo tinkled across the floor and began to melt into small puddles of scales and bits. The Meadowguard barbarian was absolutely frothing at the mouth as he laughed maniacally at his own carnage.
"Friend ratNAROk, control yourself!" Sergei called out, to no avail. "Conserve your rage for useful opportunities, such as nearby enemies--"
"Nearby enemies?!" ratNAROk charged down the corridor, between the double-row of dragon-engraved columns, waving his giant pipewrench around wildly.
(https://i.postimg.cc/WzBNRZwW/155-hoard.png)
Ahead, ratNAROk found more of the same, and the starting point of the white dragon's rampage - before a pile of gold and treasure strewn about in front of Yusdrayl's former throne, more kobolds had been flash-frozen where they stood, and there were a couple of day-old bodies mauled and tossed in the back for good measure. On closer inspection, two more of Yusdrayl's elite guards were among the slain: Derpe, whom Meepo had placed in command, lay mangled and half-eaten near the throne where the mighty beast was moored, its chain shattered by its monstrous strength; and Yolo, standing at the front of the gallery of statues, apparently having taken the brunt of Calcryx's breath point-blank, stared ahead with glassy eyes and arm outstretched toward something within the pile of treasure.
"21 damage!!" Without a moment's thought or hesitation, ratNAROk smashed Yolo to bits for fun and sport. "No, wait-- almost forgot my rage! Make that 23!" ratNAROk giggled at the icy chunks skating across the marble floor. "Every little point counts when you're going for distance."
"Who are you talking to?" Sergei took a few steps toward the sounds of freshly-crunched kobolds. "I hear you doing math over there. Are you in combat??"
"Hahahaha" ratNAROk smashed another. "Nope!"
Sergei gripped his Shield of the Sentinel and held it upright. As the sounds of the barbarian's commotion reverberated off the walls, he listened to the echoes, searching for possible sounds of a response. Focused on the magic of his shield, he felt its weight in his hand, feeling the vibrations of sound in its heavy frame travel through his forearm.
The dragonborn's eyes widened, as he turned around to face the door immediately south of them, and lowered his voice. "Oh-- right in here! I hear chatter... not kobold, but... goblin!"
"Oh, right!" Meepo said helpfully. "We have goblin prisoners in there! We were saving them for the next exchange, but we were trying to save up until we caught a hobgoblin. I was supposed to keep you away from this room when we first met - it would have been considered an act of aggression against the tribe had you entered this room earlier."
"But there ain't no tribe no more," said Space Pants. "But don't worry, I'm sure no one will even remember who was in charge when it all fell apart."
"...Right..."
"No reason to be polite anymore," said Sergei, attempting to kick down the door. The stone slab stayed sound.
"Next time don't hit it with your heauarchk--" Space Pants threw up.
"Maybe if I use my good arm..."
"I got this!" Meepo cast Guidance on himself and threw his small body at the door with a soft splat. "Bleh! I don't got this. Where'd the key to this room get to, I wonder...?"
"He-- Hello?" A goblin voice spoke up from the other side of the door. "Who there? We need food! We're hungry!"
Meepo shrugged and walked away. "Actually, what do I care? They catch us too, they shoulda thought about that."
"Who guard?" the goblin voice called out. "Where are they?"
"Open the door," said Sergei.
"No, you open door!" said the goblin.
"...No, you open the door!" said Sergei.
"You open door!"
"No, you open the door!!"
"Rabbit season," said Alefgard.
Space Pants inspected the door. Walking up close to get a good look, the cat hurled on the door's metal hinges, converting his vomit into an Acid Splash spell. "Augh, whoops-- I mean, there you go! Try it again."
The acid worked its way through the hinges, corroding them enough to become inoperable, but brittle. Sergei kicked the door again, and this time the slab flew off its hinges and into the goblin Sergei was talking to.
(https://i.postimg.cc/v8VCrPgF/156-kickthedoor.png)
"Eyeahh!" The goblin fell back behind the door, almost knocked unconscious outright.
"No, no!" One of the other goblins called out. "Please, no fight! Set us free, and we'll help you!" Inside the room were four goblins in total, restrained by their ankles to the floor by rusted manacles. A crate full of weapons sat in the corner, precariously close to within range of one of the prisoners.
"Be still, do not move." Sergei entered the room to inspect the crate first. "Oh, ho... jackpot."
(https://i.postimg.cc/7YWFSfwh/157-prisonchest.png)
Sergei had expected to find rusted and crude weapons such as the goblins had been carrying. Instead, the fighter had discovered a veritable armory of weapons, stored right here next to their enemies. Vowing to keep his assessment of the wisdom of kobolds out of earshot of Meepo, Sergei instead whistled at the find. The iron weapons indeed appeared to be of the sort the goblins had been carrying, but other items - a steel battle axe, a well-crafted copper warhammer, but most of all the matching pair of morningstar and mace, both decorated with bands of superior quality angelshark bone, hanging rings of masterfully-worked blue shark bone, and menacing with spikes of nurse shark bone.
"Hear me out," said Space Pants. "We take that whole box and trade it to Zeke for one whole item from his shop."
"I like the sound of that!" said the badger merchant. "...Wait, my prices aren't that high, are they?"
"You set us free now?" said one goblin.
"Not now," said Space Pants, "we're shopping."
Zeke poked his head in and rummaged through the crate. Most of the equipment was junk-ish, but the steel battle axe was worth something - but especially, the shark bone weapons. Zeke picked up the mace and morningstar together, weighing one in each hand. "Huh... Other than being crafted of different materials, these are decorated like they were meant to be used as a set. Mace/morningstar is an interesting combo..." The badger rubbed his snout, hiding a smile. "Yeah, we can talk numbers on those later, for sure."
"Please, let us go!" the goblins persisted. "We know the way! Set us free, we show you the way..."
"Then take us to your queen!" exclaimed ratNAROk.
The goblins looked at him with confusion. "Queen? We have no queen... you mean Grenl, the tribe shaman? We know her traps! We show you, where to watch your step, yes..."
"Grenl..." Bubb recalled, "Ah, yes. The shaman we met briefly before fighting Durnn. She escaped down the well, somehow."
Sergei eyed the goblins suspiciously. "...You will act as our guide?"
"Yeah, yeah! Of course!" The goblins nodded in unison, even the one pinned under the door. "No problem! Please, let us go!"
"If you are lying..." The dragonborn unsheathed his magic longsword halfway, its blue sheen flashing in the torchlight.
"Oh-oh, yes! Big kill! Yes, no, we get it! No, yes, we show you the way! No use sword!"
"Y'hear that?" said Space Pants. "He just said he doesn't think you can use that sword!"
Sergei grumbled. "What? That is not what I heard..."
"Nevermind," said the cat sorcerer, "I ran out of Subtle Cast earlier today. Don't mind me."
"...Right, then." Sergei tried to sever the coils of one of the chains binding a goblin, but even with his magic longsword, the task seemed it would take a while, and perhaps a poor use of a magic sword. "Um... Does someone want to give me a hand?"
Meepo looked down as something cold touched his foot. A chunk of somebody was melting nearby, leaking towards him due to the slope of the floor. There was no way to know who this chunk belonged to, but it happened to be the chunk of a waist with a belt that was holding the prison keys. "Oh, word!" Meepo scooped the keys up, wiped off some of the gunk, then handed them to Sergei.
"Good, yes!" said the goblins. "We go now?"
"Wait, on my command."
"Now, though! Now is best! We go now, yes?" The goblins were immediately impatient and already trying to hurry the party along.
"In a minute." Sergei drew his longsword fully. The goblins quietly complied. "Zeke, would you care to take these weapons? We can discuss their value later--"
Sergei turned to see Zeke already climbing up and out of the hole to his shop, the crate already gone and put away. "Way ahead of you!"
ratNAROk came wandering in, huffing and panting. "That's it... that's the last of 'em."
"Of what?" said Alefgard.
"Of the kobolds," said ratNAROk. "The frozen ones."
"You smashed every single one?"
"Yeah." ratNAROk doubled over to catch his breath. "I think I need a drink."
"Here," said Alefgard, handing ratNAROk his cell phone. "Play some Super Bubble Breaker, it's cheaper."
"You want me to break it?!"
"Nnnevermind."
"I think you need your eyes checked, friend ratNAROk!" Sergei squinted as he looked down the hall where the mouse man had come from. "My eyes are not so good in the dark, but I see the glitter of gold on the ground where you just were! Did you not search your surroundings?"
"Yeah, I did! I searched for more frozen kobolds, and I kept smashing until I couldn't find any more!"
"Wonderful. Let us go and see what they've left--"
Sergei stopped in his tracks as he got closer. There were far more than just a few coins on the ground; Rather, a large pile of gold coins, various art objects, and treasure lie piled up around the throne.
"Ahh, yes." ratNAROk laid down in the pile of treasure and spread out. "Let's just take a minute to nap..."
"...Friend ratNAROk you are lying directly on top of a young dragon's unattended treasure hoard."
"Yep."
"...Friend ratNAROk we almost walked away from said dragon's hoard because you were too busy smashing frozen ex-enemies."
"Uh-huh."
"...Friend ratNAROk please I am trying to feed my family."
"I'm not sure whether this is a better or worse result than if we had let Zumies do this scouting," said Bubb. "We may have never seen any of this treasure after him. Speaking of, we should probably meet back up with him and Edward soon."
Meepo looked over the pile of treasure. The coins were likely the eight-hundred-or-so pieces they'd found in the iron chest earlier. Everything else was either scavenged from Yusdrayl's personal stores, or a rock craft polished up to shine as best as one could.
"Zumies has our bag of holding, doesn't he," said Meepo flatly.
"Let's just start grabbing stuff, then." ratNAROk began hastily grabbing coins and treasure and cramming them into his backpack. Alefgard tried to stop him as he picked up a gorgeous gold ewer inlaid with ornate platinum scrollwork and jammed it in unceremoniously along with all his other junk and sharp objects.
Bubb looked around. "Something smells... delightful." The priest of flies stepped a little further into the throne room. "Wait, what's that in the corner... is that..."
"Moo."
Strangely enough, in the southern corner of the room was an unharmed, relatively healthy cow. It looked a bit emaciated, but otherwise no worse for wear.
"Hah..." Meepo laughed dryly. "That's the cow they captured a couple days ago to feed Calcryx. She still never even bothered with it."
"Unharmed and intact," said Bubb, gazing deep into the cow's eyes. "Physically, at least. But, this cow's seen everything. Watched it all go down. You can tell by its thousand-yard stare, this cow will never be the same after what it's witnessed."
"Moo."
"If you click on her enough times, she'll take you to the cow level," said Zeke.
"No one gets your space jokes, space man," said Space Pants.
"That dragon sure had an appetite for kobolds, though," said Alefgard. "How long did you say you took care of that dragon?"
"Too long," said Meepo, glancing around to take in the full gravity of Calcryx's devastation. "Too long."
Bubb tried to feed the cow some of the peppered goblin meat they'd been carrying around, but the cow was having none of it. It mooed and turned its head away from the pungent mess. "Come on, you're famished. How do cows work? Doesn't everybody like rotting meat?"
"I think she'd like you to moove along," said Alefgard.
The cow was chained with the same types of manacles that the goblins were, and the keys worked to set it free all the same. "Go now, cow. Leave this wretched place. You are free to touch grass."
As the cow wandered off, Bubb held out the rotting, peppered goblin meat to Sergei. "Oh... no, I, err... I am on strict diet, no, you keep that."
Bubb shrugged and said, "Your loss." Flies crawled from every joint in the warforged's frame and engulfed the hunk of meat. Seconds later, the flies dissipated, and the meat was gone. "Mmm. Delicious."
"Ack! Ack!" The goblin prisoners backed away in disgust, recognizing the flesh of their kind. "Ugly! Ugly meat! Get back!"
"Settle down, you," Sergei leveled his sword at the goblins. "If you don't want to end up like that, you'd best not lead us astray! Now, get moving."
Space Pants threw up again.
11 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Early Evening - 4 Days Until Solstice)
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The rescued goblins hurried the party along, eager to be released from captivity. They spitfired chatter at the party, pointing many directions at once while assuring them they knew the safest way to their encampment, while down the halls echoed the familiar din of Edward's lute - the bard and the rogue had finished exploring, and were waiting back at the well for the party to return. While there were some areas potentially unexplored here on the first floor, these goblins might prove to be a nuisance if they were to dally, and those in hiding below would have more time to prepare. So, the party made haste and regrouped, and made their descent once again into the bowels of the Sunken Citadel.
(https://i.postimg.cc/HxpLQ69z/158-turkeygap.png)
"It's here! It's here!!" ratNAROk barreled ahead down the halls, and clung to a bare wall in a nondescript room. "I came back for you, my delicious turkey!"
"That's okay," said Meepo, "run ahead of us healers, we'll scrape you up wherever we happen to find you."
"Not the turkey again," said Bubb, shaking their head. "We already investigated this. There were no cracks or signs of entry in that wall. There's nothing here."
"That was the wall out in the garden gallery," said Edward. "The one with the horse engraving. What about the others?"
"I didn't find anything suspicious about the walls around the corner," said Zumies, "only this sickle."
"Erky," said Space Pants, "go ahead and open that cupboard, tell 'em what I found."
Erky grumbled, but complied. "There's nothing in here. What do you mean you found?"
"Because I already looked in there," said the troublesome cat. "It was just this morning. Don't you ever listen?"
"Listen?" The gnome shut the cabinet not-quietly. "I long for the days before I ever heard of you."
"Erky suddenly became aware of the way he was walking," said the silky smooth voice of Momuz Freeman to Erky's thoughts and Erky's alone, "and how stupid he looked."
"You've used that one before!" Erky shouted to nobody, as he walked stiffly out of the room.
Space Pants looked at Alefgard, shaking his head. "It must be the guilt. Poor guy just can't live with all those goblins he killed."
"What about the ones we killed?"
"What about 'em?"
Zeke took a step back, and inspected the small antechamber between the storage room and the garden galleries. Easily missed and nondescript, simple carvings of shells and dwarves adorned either side of the room, while the north and south walls were smooth gabbro. The Inquisitive badger Battle Master took in the scene with a Steady Eye. As he gingerly brushed a claw against the north wall, he made a Tactical Assessment of the space with an Eye - and Nose - for Detail. In contrast to the fearsome rage the badger alien displayed at times on the battlefield, Zeke had developed over the years an appreciation for the space between the noise. The moisture of their breaths in this small room condensing in the ceiling corners, the rat slipping between Sergei's feet only to be snatched up into Meepo's pocket while the kobold thought no one else was looking, the way Erky was walking. The little details that others tended to ignore, that were too small to consider in their busy day, often had the most interesting stories to tell. Point in case...
"Hmm..." Zeke sniffed loudly, taking a deep whiff of the air and dirt and stone through his keen snout. "...Oh! I think I smell fresh air coming from that south wall, probably through a crack or something." He sniffed again. "Huh... smells crisp, a little crackly, sorta... ozoney?!"
"What's ozoney?" inquired Alefgard.
"Uhh... Like the ozone, the one in the atmosphere. But other things smell like that," Zeke said. "Like... I want to say, 'it smells like a fried circuit board,' but that wouldn't make any sense to you..." The badger looked worried. "And to be honest, it doesn't make any sense to me, either."
"Hey," said Meepo, squeezing through the doorway into the now-cramped tiny room. "Does that wall look uneven to you? It kinda looks like there's a seam running down that wall! Must be where the oceany air is coming from." The kobold placed a claw on the wall, feeling for anything loose or suspicious. The smooth gabbro wall gave little evidence of its secrets, but as Meepo felt and rubbed along the surface of the wall, he came upon a vague indentation that was so shallow it was nearly invisible, but perfectly fit the contour and shape of his own kobold-shaped hand. Before he could question it, the wall popped open, revealing a hatch into a secret room.
"Huh? ...Oh!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/RVHJHjgm/159-turkey-portal.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/SNbJk0RX/r1ft.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/bvCwMTmL/chicken.png)
A stream of brightly-colored particles, glowing stark against the darkness inside the chamber despite not giving off any light, flowed from one end of the room to the other in a seemingly random, but perfectly straight pattern. The party pondered the pink-and-purple portal, its projection pulsing passively, but were promptly perturbed by the prominent poultry.
"I don't... huh?" Meepo rubbed his eyes, momentarily dazzled by the display. "Is that a turkey?!"
"Told you!!" proclaimed ratNAROk, diving right in.
"Whoa..." Zeke pulled out his cell phone and started recording the strange phenomena.
Sergei swiped a leg off the bird before the barbarian devoured the whole thing. Both warriors felt a wave of temporary strength wash over them as the magic(?) feast nourished them. "Mmm... delicious!"
"Wall-turkey?" Alefgard raised his eyebrows. "That's some castle-vanity right there. I'll pass."
"Too late," said Meepo, scrunching his nose at the half-eaten turkey. He held up a clawed hand and tried to catch one of the glowing motes of energy as they flowed towards him. The light seemed to pass straight through Meepo's hand harmlessly, leaving only a slight buzzing sensation where it passed.
"Huh... that's probably nothing life-threatening," said the kobold king, trying to rub the tingling out of his hand. "What's that swirly thing in the corner? A portal?"
"Why don't you go take a closer look?" Edward egged him on.
Meepo tiptoed near the portal, sticking out his foot to poke it with his toe, as if testing a pool of water. "Maybe there's more turkey in here? I wonder if this is some sort of interdimensional pant-reeeeeeee!" Meepo spaghettified into the portal.
"Little one?" Sergei called out. "...Did you fall in?"
"He very clearly did," said Space Pants.
"Oh..." Edward blanched. "He really did, didn't he."
"Oh yeah," said the cat. "On your command, no less."
Edward sighed. "Well... carp. Guess I'd better go in after him."
Space Pants shrugged. "I mean, if you wanna..."
Edward hopped in after Meepo, and then Sergei after him. One by one, the party jumped headlong into the strange portal.
"Hold up," said Bubb, almost the last one in. "Why don't I just send a single fly in? That's probably what we should've done in the first plaaaaaace!" As soon as a single one of Bubb's flies touched the portal, all of their being at once spaghettified into the portal.
As their numbers thinned, the goblins side-eyed each other and started to skulk away. But, as they turned around, they bumped right into Zeke.
"Hi," said the badger, arms crossed. "Nice try. We're just gonna sit tight right here until they come back, m'kay?"
Erky waited until everybody else had gone through. "Why wait around? They seem like they can handle themselves..."
"And miss out on hawking all the sweet loot they're gonna bring back? Nah, nah, nah." Zeke put a hand on Erky's shoulder, giving the gnome a sly grin. "Stick with me, kid. You want to make 'em pay? Become a merchant!"
Sorry this one was a few days late! The last two weeks have been rough, lots of things piled up that needed taken care of all at once. I wanted to go farther and not leave this at a cliffhanger, but I've simply run out of time for what I want to show next. But now (most of) that is out of the way!
By the way, I've recently started a new video game project based on Zeke Barrens! "Forget Me Not" is based on 20 years' worth of stories featuring a certain dimension-hopping badger. It's going to be a roguelite/JRPG hybrid with a secret twist, built in Godot. I'm currently working my way through building a custom combat system, one that's capable of simulating itself for off-screen or auto-generated battles. Once I get something moving, I'll show some of my progress!
(https://i.postimg.cc/28jPTd9X/160-PRE-goblinage.png)
I've started writing the next leg of the story, but I can see right away that I've underestimated the complexity of this next scene. I mean, just look at this mess.
Mainly, the next arc involves a lot of extra visual elements that are going to be a bit difficult to recreate (You can see above why I don't just use blurry screenshots from the recording). As alluded to in the previous post, you can expect some animation! There's also a fair bit of experimentation with Roll20 lighting effects involved, and I need to work out the best way of re-creating those effects nicely. There were also some major technical difficulties navigating this next area that are causing a lot of problems parsing what happened, even from the recording. Basically, I overloaded the map and caused several players' browsers to crash all night, so as a result the narrative is frequently interrupted and broken.
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As was often the case, Alefgard was the last one bringing up the rear. The timid wizard didn't really want to jump through a mysterious portal to who-knows-where, but Edward had the keys to the apartment, and he didn't want to have to deal with asking the landlord for the spare. It was far less hassle to risk life and limb seeing what was on the other side of a mysterious portal that apparently contained wandering food.
(https://i.postimg.cc/cL0Kr91H/160-goblinage-1.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/bwgZbxdR/160-goblinage-full.png)
Background nebula sourced from Peace,love,happiness (https://pixabay.com/users/placidplace-25572496/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=7142157) from Pixabay (https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=7142157)
Alefgard tried to stand, but his legs found no purchase. All the same, he felt as though he were now standing, though he had no memory of performing said action, nor did he know what he was standing on. In fact, the wizard couldn't even be sure he had legs.
"Wwwwwwwww--"
He tried to speak, but somehow, the words caught on his tongue (if he had one?), as though he couldn't open his mouth (was it still there?). Looking around, the wizard saw his companions frozen in a similar state - Alert, yet motionless when looking at them, but moving while he wasn't looking at them, while never moving from the same spot.
"What is going on?!" The only things Alefgard could do were look around, and think. "I can't see what's written on the 'floor' from this angle, something about a 'Goblin Age...?' Nothing makes sense, it's like we're floating through nothing, but something all the same... I feel a sense of momentum, though there's nothing to use as a frame of reference to judge my speed or direction. Whatever I look at is frozen when I observe it, but free to move when not observed... Like some kind of quantum-tunnel vision, as though all realities were being squeezed through a tiny funnel so only a few possibilities remain." Alefgard considered thoughtfully. "Almost like... if a worm ate a hole through spacetime, and we were being forced through it to some other destination or reality... perhaps the one reality where I happen to make it through alive?! Argh! I would've studied more at that blasted mage academy if their simple books had had any real answers to my inquiries."
The wizard waited some time, but the strange scenery strubbornly refused to change. "Hmm... perhaps I'm asking too many questions? By questioning reality, I'm slowing down our travel, because I'm introducing more realities to consider observing within which to land. But if I don't question it, then there are less observations to consider, thus faster travel... meaning... What if I stopped questioning things, and just choose to go along with whatever--"
*Pop!*
(https://i.postimg.cc/x8NLGnCY/161-lumies.png)
(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/SsH0F2s9/blucandle.png)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XJTXrmgz/l3ar.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/XNCpRNjS/sparkle.gif)
Suddenly, Alefgard found himself different. Not just somewhere different, but his whole being. In some forgotten corner of space tucked away within the margins of reality, a light flickered in the vast unreality of the void. He rubbed the coarse fur on his head as he sat up in a coffin made of gypsum. The coffin appeared to be in a small chamber, one of several surrounding a central structure from which the only light emanated; Through what appeared to be slits torn through the fabric of space, blocks of light flowed in a similar, regular pattern, terminating in the center of the room. It seemed impossible to get into that space from the 'room' surrounding it. Slowly, a blue candle - just like the one Zumies had - started to drift within that space, bathing the area in blue light. From the other alcoves in the room, creatures began to stir, likewise crawling out of their own coffins.
"Huh," said a dead kobold. "I'm a dead kobold."
"Me too," said another dead kobold.
"Oh, same," said another. "Are we all dead kobolds?"
A giant rat squeaked, squirmed out of a nearby coffin, and sat down on the floor next to the nearest kobold. Even though kobolds ate rats, this rat was not afraid of the kobolds, but rather just sort of chilling there with them.
"Ugh," said a zombie kobold. "Everything aches, and I'm starving. Can we trade?"
Alefgard tried to speak, but instead could only utter a horrible screeching sound not unlike the dying breath of a minor god.
"What was that?!"
"Hey... is that... it is! It's Heaven Baboon!"
Alefgard looked down, and gasped. He thought he was feeling different, but he hadn't imagined anything like this: Coarse, dark fur covered his entire body - except, of course, around his vicious fangs and his glorious posterior - and when he tried to speak, the only sound that came from his throat was the sound of countless angels weeping.
"Who are you?" said one dead kobold to another.
"I'm Meepo," said a talking dead kobold that looked like Magre.
"Meepo's dead?!"
The giant rat squealed in alarm.
"No! I'm just a... a dead kobold now!"
"But you were a live kobold, and now you're dead! That means you died!"
"We're all dead kobolds," said Meepo. "You're Blinko, that's Inko, I'm... oh, I'm Magre, wow... and over there's Yolo..."
"Yeah, but you're the only one who was a living kobold, and is now a dead one. So, congratulations; By a technicality, you've died." Blinko paused to pick dirt from his claw. "Wait, I'm not 'Yolo?' Who designed this adventure?"
Alefgard offered one of his usual referential quips. All that came out instead was the sound of a thousand abandoned dreams.
"Geez, lighten up," said Blinko. "It's just constructive criticism."
The light shining through the cracks in the darkness began to shift. The blue candle was moving away, back in the direction it had come from.
"Is that Zumies?" a kobold zombie resembling Quizno spoke up. "Hey, 'Lumies!' Get back here, so we can see!"
"Whoever it is," said the other zombie kobold, his face mangled beyond recognition, "I think it wants us to follow. Carefully, though - we know not what to expect."
The living-dead Blinko batted at the foot of the still-dead Yolo. "Get up. Get up, you. Hey, why's this guy not getting up? We're all here except for that gnome I don't care about, aren't we?"
The kobold-formerly-known-as-Inko peered ahead into the darkness, towards where the light was guiding them, and saw a strangely familiar object lying on the ground ahead of them.
(https://i.postimg.cc/HnXnXzZs/13anana.gif)
"Mmm... Banana!" The unidentified party member temporarily incarnated as a recently deceased kobold picked up the conspicuous treat. "Time flies like an arrow, but we like these."
Click!
(https://i.postimg.cc/SxrfcHzP/162-cutter-anim.gif)
A door just north of the sudden space snack pulled open, revealing something lurking in the darkness. The blue candle they had seen before drifted through the door, floating in midair as it began following the party. A circle of more blue candles surrounded a suspiciously empty space against the far wall, positioned in the formation of a classic binding ritual. If the candles were meant to bind something, it was not immediately apparent or visible. There was no time to investigate the strange sight, however; From the back corner of the narrow room, a pair of glowing red eyes gleamed down the length of a steel blade coming straight for the hungry kobold.
"Is that...? Oh, f--"
Inko ducked just in time as the skeleton sliced through the space where his head was and into Magre's instead.
"Ack! Game over, man!!"
The blade cut clean through Magre's neck as easily as though he weren't even there. As his head and shoulder were separated from his body, bolts of red lightning shot out as his body digitized, disentegrated, and disappeared.
The giant rat squealed in frustration. The dead kobolds looked at the skeleton, at where Magre used to be, and at each other.
"Uhh... Run!!"
Hastily, they scattered and took off into the darkness, where they could see light up ahead. Cutter 5 came after Alefgard-as-Heaven Baboon next, but the wizard-monkey deftly dodged, screeching in a haunted voice that sounded like the lamentations of the weak. Then, he did the next best thing he knew how to do: He ran.
(https://i.postimg.cc/G219n4sN/163-margins-anim.gif)
Ahead, Alefgard saw two dead kobolds, two zombie kobolds, a giant rat, and a floating candle, all heading for a path of glowing orange and pink light. "Are these even my friends? I can't even tell... and there aren't enough of them. Did everybody come through the portal? Who did we just lose? Am I next?"
Ahead of them, a pack of goblin zombies were piled around the corpse of another dead kobold, this one torn to pieces as it became a feast for the dead undead. The zombies did not look up at them as they passed; The kobold being consumed, did.
"Nope." There was no time to put the kobold out of his misery, nor to confirm it wasn't one of them. Cutter 5 was only a few steps behind.
(https://i.postimg.cc/TPbhsVhg/164-portal-anim.gif)
The ground ahead was uneven, making the room - if one might call it that - appear broken and moving. Through one wall, more slashed openings in space revealed a pit of countless dead fire snakes; Against another, a glowing, pulsing portal, from which the light was coming, and through which half the party had already jumped through.
Heaven baboon turned. Cutter 5 was right behind him, and raised his sword again for another swipe. There was no time to think - he leapt through the next portal to safety, and on to whatever horrors awaited next.
11 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (???? ??????? - 4 Days Until Solstice)
(https://i.postimg.cc/qMRMzSYK/165-portal2-anim.gif)
Alefgard stood up, and shook off the wooziness in his head. This time, as he was not thinking at all about the portal as he jumped through it, the experience was extremely quick - and disorienting. This space seemed like more of the same - an empty black void, squeezed between the margins of reality, illuminated by stray patterns of light that seemed to have no source and terminating against invisible walls. Along the borders of this space, stone walls resembling those of the Sunken Citadel could be seen, but they were oddly disconnected from anything - no roof or ceiling, just a ten-foot visible barrier floating in the darkness surrounding them. Even though there were sconces set along the borders of these walls, the light they saw changed colors and shined in directions that didn't make sense, as if completely unrelated to the sconces. To that point, weirdly enough he could see everyone just fine, as if fully illuminated whether there was light shining on them or not. They appeared to be standing on nothing, walking on a blank plane in a dark void. But, at least he was in his own body again.
"Everybody here?" said Sergei.
"Where's little man?" ratNAROk cried out. "Meepo is missing!"
"...Was that Meepo that Cutter cut down?" said Bubb warily. "Or... was he the one the zombies were eating? I couldn't tell who was who back there..."
"We should back away from this portal, then," said Alefgard. "In case Space Pants' mistake follows us through."
"Mistake?" Space Pants laughed. "I don't make mistakes. Look how strong he is, he's better than ever!"
As they explored the weird space, they realized that while the 'walls' were invisible, they were in fact blocking light behind them. Their formation made no sense, though; feeling around in the dark, they discovered four cross-shaped structures. Each formed four corners meeting together at a point, but none were connected in any way that created a room. They merely seemed to be random obstacles within this dark, liminal space.
"Hello, what's this?" Bubb discovered a seam in a corner where two different walls refused to intersect. Curious, the fly cleric moved closer to investigate.
(https://i.postimg.cc/9M9RrSnV/166-hesback.png)
"Oh, hey, another Cutter! ...Oh, no, another--"
On sight, Cutter 5 rushed through the gap and ran Bubb through. As before, his blade never seemed to actually touch Bubb's body, but rather his body exploded into red lightning to avoid being touched by it. Instantly, Bubb was gone.
"Space Pants!" Edward hollered, "Call him off!!"
"Whatever he does to us, we deserve," Space Pants said with a chuckle.
"...You're insane!"
"Thanks for catching up."
"RAAAAAUGH!!" With all his rage and fury, ratNAROk bolted straight for Cutter 5 with his hydraulic pipe wrench raised over his head, and brought it down over the skeleton's skull. Cutter 5 raised his sword to parry the wrench. As soon as Cutter 5's sword touched ratNAROk's wrench, red lightning crackled through the weapon, out ratNAROk's back, and the barbarian was gone. Without missing a beat, Cutter continued his approach, his bones clattering and rattling with each step.
"Uhhhm..." Alefgard's voice cracked. "...W-we can't fight that."
"Then let's get out of here!" Edward tried to lead Alefgard away, toward the north of the room. The bard walked face-first into an invisible wall, stopping him long enough for Cutter 5 to catch up and delete him, too.
"Okay, that's enough," said Space Pants, now that Cutter 5 was just two steps away from him. The cat took out Nightcaller, the crystal whistle he had originally used to summon the skeleton, and blew it. Cutter 5's skull turned stiffly as he closed the gap and cut Space Pants out of non-existence as well.
"We're dropping like flies!" said Zumies.
"He already got Bubb," said Alefgard. "And Edward..." Frightened, the wizard pressed his back to a wall, feeling his way around to find the hidden walls. This can't be real. This cannot be real.
"There has to be something..." Sergei fell back. As he did, a torch - not a sconce - came into view from behind one of the invisible walls. It appeared to be illuminating a secret path. Thinking it suspicious - and with little time to think - Sergei raced down the small passage. It was a dead end, however, the floor at the end was sparkling. If Cutter 5 were behind him, there would surely be no escape, but he had to try something. He reached forth into the sparkles - and, surprisingly, his claw found the handle of a sword. When he tried to lift it, the sword moved on its own.
(https://i.postimg.cc/GhzP1NdX/167-odachi.gif)
"Whoa! ...Wait, I've seen this odachi before... This is Meepo's spiritual weapon!"
Just then, Cutter 5 rounded the corner. There was nowhere to run, but fortunately, Sergei didn't need to. The odachi pitched itself level and flew through Cutter 5's chest. As they made contact, golden-yellow lightning crackled through Cutter 5's bones, and at the same time the odachi was consumed in red. Both Cutter 5 and the spiritual weapon vanished.
"Hah!" Sergei pumped a fist into the air. "That's how it's done, little one! Victory in death! I'll have it no other way!"
"...Is it over?" said Zumies.
Alefgard slumped down on the floor, his back against an invisible wall. "Edward..."
"Oh, er," Sergei backpedaled, "There, there, Alefgard. As long as we draw breath, his critical fumble shall not have been in vain."
"That's great," said Alefgard blankly, "but, he had the apartment key. Soo... way to stick me with the deposit we ain't getting back, buddy."
Sergei, Zumies, and Alefgard regrouped, and looked around grimly. The blank space was quiet. No items or equipment had been dropped by anyone who had been eliminated. For all intents and purposes, there wasn't any evidence at all that a psychopathic skeleton had just annihalated half the party in the span of two minutes.
"That wasn't a fair fight at all," said Zumies. "He didn't even hit ratNAROk, he hit his weapon. Once."
"Whatever world we've wandered into does not appear to operate by conventional rules," said Sergei, grunting. "Fighting is no use. If we touch an enemy here, we lose a life. We've got three left... we should keep moving, lest something else finds us."
Sergei extended a claw to Alefgard. Reluctantly, the wizard accepted his help and stood up. While he didn't want to leave where he'd last seen Edward, Sergei was right - they needed to get out of this dangerous, horrible place as soon as they could.
"There," said Zumies, pointing north. "More of that weird, moving light. There seems to be a path through there."
"Then let's see where it goes," said Sergei.
The party, such as it was, cautiously entered the winding hallway. Just like before, streams of light seemed to be moving through the air like a holographic river. The light passed through their bodies as they walked. It was disorienting seeing beams of light shooting through their chest, arms, legs, and even their heads as they walked, but other than leaving a slight tingling sensation as it passed, it seemed completely harmless.
Zumies stopped in his tracks when he saw the wide-open room before them. "What the..."
(https://i.postimg.cc/TYgnTMs6/168-baboonmaze-anim.gif)
Alefgard squinted his eyes. There were so many colors shining in this room, it was difficult to make out what was on the ground. "Is that... Huh?! Why does it look like Heaven Baboon has been stretched out all the way across the floor?"
"And some formerly-deceased kobolds," said Sergei. "I recognize them... Space Pants killed at least two of them, yet here they stand, completely motionless. But, look! More portals ahead."
"Four of them," complained Zumies. "We'll never make it out of here... Well, let's-- oof!" Zumies bumped into another invisible wall. "...Oh, so we can see through these walls, all the way to the goal, but I bet it's gonna be like a maze getting through here."
"Here," said Alefgard, his hand slipping off an invisible wall. "Looks like a way in. Let's go..."
Slowly but surely, the three explored the maze through touch more than sight. As they entered, they found that the walls weren't merely invisible, but seemed to allow light to move through them only one way. As they walked, the colors shifted around them, making it even harder to navigate.
"I'm getting lost," said Alefgard. "I've got three walls around me, another dead end."
"Hang in there," Sergei replied, "we're getting closer. How are you faring, Zumies?"
There came no reply.
"...Zumies?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/85mwTZb1/169-backagain-anim.gif)
"RUN!!"
Alefgard scrambled. He turned around, hit his head on a wall, shook it off, then crashed into another wall as he hurried to get out of the dead end. Sergei had managed to get farther, but Alefgard had lost track of the path Sergei had taken to get there. He watched as his ally got within arm's reach of a portal, pounded his fist on an invisible wall, turned north, and stepped through a red flame as he ducked into the portal behind that one.
Ehehehehehee...
Again, that laugh - the one they'd all heard in the room with the dragon altar with the blue torches, which turned red when Space Pants blew Nightcaller - came suddenly and out of nowhere, reverberating throughout the entire room, echoing within Alefgard's mind. Of course... The whistle, the skeletons, the lights, the altars - It's all connected. Whatever this space is, it only exists because of the connection these things have. But... to what - or to whom - are they connected?
With only one target left, Cutter 5 was headed straight for Alefgard. He tried to run, but again, he found himself caught in a dead-end. He turned around, but it was too late - Cutter 5 was already at the other end. There was no way out.
Well... At least one of us made it. Alefgard mentally bid farewell to Sergei, and the others, but especially his close friend Edward. If only they had found a safer way to pay the rent, rather than get lost in a dank dungeon for a week that felt like a year and a half, and then lose their lives to some enchanted hole-in-the-wall.
...Wait. I have one more trick up my sleeve...
Recalling again from that same room with the blue torches, Alefgard pulled from his robe Mengegen, the gabbro artifact dragon idol that had appeared after Sergei offered the sapphire necklace to the altar. This item had spoken to him, then:
"point me at one enemy and i'll destroy it," the idol had said.
"Okay, Billy. There's nothing left to lose, and nothing else to prove. Looks like we're dancing by ourselves."
Alefgard held up the gabbro idol, pointing the dragon's face at Cutter 5. The skeleton halted - for the first time since he'd appeared, Cutter 5 actually stopped his approach. Alefgard waited. Moments passed. C'mon, c'mon... why isn't it doing anything?
"wow you just got ripped off." Alefgard suddenly remembered that the item had said something else to him... and, come to think of it, the small voice he had heard, that he thought had come from the item, might have sounded a lot like Space Pants, perhaps from a minor illusion.
"...Oh, wonderful. It was a prank." Alefgard scowled. "I love it when someone insults me. It means I don't have to be nice anymore."
Aahahahahahaa!!!
Cutter 5's jaw opened wide, and his bones rattled as his shoulders shook up and down - was he the one who'd been laughing at them all along? It no longer mattered. Cutter 5 stepped forward and impaled Alefgard with his sword through his gut. The lightning kind of tickled, actually, as it tore him apart bit by bit, atom from atom, dissentegrating him into nothing.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
(https://i.postimg.cc/X7fwS892/babboon64.png)(https://i.postimg.cc/HnXnXzZs/13anana.gif)
"Hey, Alefgard! You alright?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/g2Np7CjG/170-safeandsound.png)
Alefgard opened his eyes. Zeke, the badger, was gently shaking his shoulder. Everybody else - Meepo, Bubb, ratNAROk, Space Pants, Zumies, Sergei, and especially Edward were all here, safe and sound.
"Hey, buddy," said Edward, "Long time no see!"
"Oh, no," said Alefgard. "No, no, no, don't you dare pull the whole 'it was just a dream' thing."
"No, you definitely went into that portal," said Zeke. "That really happened. And then, about one shake later, it spit you all out again, and disappeared."
"I forgot we told him to call them 'shakes,' said Space Pants, chortling.
"What happened to the turkey?"
"Mmm!" One of their captured goblins rubbed his tummy. "Much bird! So tasty! Very wow."
"You said it's only been a minute!"
Erky belched. "...We were hungry."
"So," said Zeke, "what happened in there? Did you guys find anything?"
The party all looked at each other, and then at Space Pants.
"...What?"
"You know what," said Bubb. "That whistle of yours has got some explaining to do."
"So we all saw the same thing?" said Alefgard. "Crazy, murderous skeleton chasing us through a colorful void?"
"Yes," said Meepo. "In fact, I saw the whole thing! Even after I was... out, I guess, I was still present. I could see what you were all doing from above, but I couldn't do or say anything."
"Me too!" said Edward. "It's like we were spectating or something."
"Ahh," said Alefgard, rubbing the back of his neck. "You, ah, saw everything? Wonderful."
Edward patted Alefgard on the back with a grin on his face. "Yeah, man! Last one standing! You did great!"
"So, was that you manning your spiritual weapon, Meepo?" asked Sergei.
"No, that wasn't me! Like I said, I couldn't talk, or move, or scratch. Not that I was itchy, I just wanted to scratch." Meepo scratched under his armpit. "Ahh..."
"Strange... It's almost like that was left there specifically to be used in that way, like this was all arranged by someone," pondered Sergei. "But, at least we didn't leave empty handed. Look."
(https://i.postimg.cc/6pqKkBPY/t3st-3gg.gif)
Sergei held up one claw. In it, he was holding what looked like a ball of moving light, winking in and out of existence only within the region of his palm. "I seem to have won a prize for finishing. It's tingly."
Meepo tried to lick the ball of lights. "Ack! It stings my tongue! And it tastes like copper."
"Mmmmmmyes I would not do that." Sergei held the ball up high where the little kobold couldn't reach.
"Whoa..." Zeke's eyes widened, and then widened even more. "I wonder if that could... Hey, you wanna trade?"
Sergei perked up. "Hm! Perhaps. I am a dragonborn of practical means. Something simple, without any bells and whistles, but does its job effectively - that would suit me just fine. I would gladly trade it for the +1 longsword in your shop."
"Ah, I knew you had your eye on that! Let's see... Well, without knowing what this is or what it does yet, it's hard to put a price on it, though it's definitely valuable. I think... Yeah, I can do that!."
Sergei nodded. "Ah, good, then we have a deal."
Zeke held out his hand, eager to get a closer look at the object. "...Ow! Whoa, you weren't kidding, that does tingle! Uhhh... oh boy, I hope this isn't radioactive..."
"What does that mean?"
"...Well, it would mean we shouldn't be holding it with our bare hands, soo... Just in case, let me go grab that sword for you. And find a really safe place for this."
"Wait a minute," said Space Pants. "What if none of us had made it to the portal?"
Nobody answered. The room fell chillingly silent.
"Oh well," the cat yawned. "Guess we'll just have to find out next time."
(https://i.postimg.cc/6pqKkBPY/t3st-3gg.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/6pqKkBPY/t3st-3gg.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/6pqKkBPY/t3st-3gg.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/6pqKkBPY/t3st-3gg.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/hGQ1zxV8/sergei64.png)(https://i.postimg.cc/6pqKkBPY/t3st-3gg.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/6pqKkBPY/t3st-3gg.gif)(https://i.postimg.cc/6pqKkBPY/t3st-3gg.gif)
Enjoy the holiday break! I'll see if I can make it up next weekend.
-------------
Glowing fungus illuminated the muddy gallery ahead. The walls that weren't covered in moss and mushrooms were adorned with engravings of dragons raining fire down on people below. There were three other doors to choose from.
(https://i.postimg.cc/HsCLJPcs/171-whichway.png)
Erky prodded the goblins, "Alright, enough wasting time. Which way do we go?"
One of the goblins got the others to huddle together, and they started muttering between themselves in Goblin. While Meepo knew their language, they were speaking too quietly for him to understand. All at once, they looked up and said, "It this way," while pointing towards the south door.
Meepo mumbled to Alefgard, "I think this might be a trap... or not, Meepo not know."
"Hmm..." Alefgard kept his suspicions to himself.
"Meepo," asked Edward, "why do you walk hunched over like that?"
"Because my back hurts from carrying this team," the kobold replied.
"Heavy weighs the crown," Bubb quipped.
As the party ventured toward the south door, Meepo couldn't help but notice the goblin in the lead take it upon himself to knock on the door to announce their arrival. A voice replied, in Goblin, "Who is it?"
"We got guests," the goblin replied. "Get the good wine!"
"Oh, okay, yes," came the reply, "the good wine!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/NGKRbGcM/172-winery.png)
The door opened, revealing a room full of goblins and shrubs, purposefully arranged to form a small orchard. An oil lantern provided all the light the goblins needed to work in the dingy room. Buckets of mashed berries sat fermenting in a corner, which smelled of a sweetness that was both sickening and intoxicating. The goblin at the door greeted the party with the widest of grins, excited at the prospect of guests. Dirt and bark clung to his sticky, bare, purple feet.
"Welcome, welcome!" The goblin said in his best Common. "You here for the tour? Come on in! We'll show you where the wine is made!"
"No thanks," said Space Pants, staring at the goblin's ripened feet. "I've seen enough."
"Me too. It's a trap," Meepo said aloud, in Draconic. The goblins noticed, but did not comprehend, as hoped.
"Duly noted," said Sergei, the dragonborn.
"Go ahead in," said Meepo, this time in Common so the goblins would understand. "I would like to prepare a gift, as a delegation from the Chukujrulus tribe."
"Kobolds want to make gift?!" The friendly goblin was stunned. "Uh, heh heh... Yeah, sure! We-- I mean, Belak will surely appreciate your offering!"
"Wonderful. Just give me one moment."
Meepo turned to Bubb. Immediately, the cleric knew the kobold's intent. "They are a danger that must be eliminated. Correct?"
Meepo nodded. "Kill 'em all."
Bubb grabbed the handle of the door and pulled it shut. Flies crept out of every joint of their warforged body, and slipped beneath the door, a blanket of silvery wings oozing through the cracks like some profanity of nature.
"Blech," said Edward, "I'll never get used to that."
"Could be worse," said Alefgard. "We could be on the other side of the door."
On the other side of the door, the goblins panicked. The swarm of flies writhed through the door, collecting on the ceiling out of reach. Then, once they were all through, they lunged all at once for the goblin who had lead them to this door from outside. Through the swarm, Bubb cast Inflict Wounds on the goblin, rotting his still-living flesh and devouring him alive, thousands of nibbles at a time.
The wings of the flies buzzed together to form a tinny mimickry of speech: "Submit or die. Or... surrender or die? I dunno, whichever one sounds cooler. Do that."
At the sound of garbled screaming, Sergei pushed past Bubb and barged into the room. He pointed his masterwork longsword at one of the other goblins who had lead them here and cut him down on the spot. "You were warned there would be consequences if you lead us astray!"
Zeke followed pace behind Sergei, but when he got to the door, he leveled his blade towards one of the goblins. "Hit the deck!" As he pushed a button on the hilt of his sword, the green flame at the tip of the Blazer Cannon launched a bolt of plasma, burning a hole through his face.
"OP," complained Alefgard.
Zeke glanced pointedly at Space Pants. "That's only because somebody might try to mug and rob the shopkeep!"
Space Pants raised his paws. "I haven't even done anything yet! Even though that totally sounds like me. I mean, watch out around that Zumies guy, he steals stuff for a living."
Meepo launched a Guiding Bolt at the last of the goblins who had guided them towards the trap, but the shot went wide. Zumies followed the shot anyway with a bolt from his magic crossbow, nailing the goblin Meepo was aiming at neatly between the eyes. Edward matched Zumies' deftness with a critical strike of his own, poking his rapier clean through the heart of one more.
"Ambush!!"
All of the goblins who were in the room before still remained. The one who had just called out picked up the oil lantern and threw it at Bubb, hoping to disperse the swarm of flies. The lantern missed, barely, but as Bubb maneuvered the swarm around the flaming flying fixture, they saw the answer to the goblin's call.
Reinforcements sprang from the bushes along the walls, flinging arrows and flashing swords. The goblins who had pretended to be unarmed reached beneath the bushes and found swords to defend themselves with and lunged in as well. Two of them swatted at Bubb, using the flats of their blades to knock a swath of flies out of the air.
One of the goblin's arrows struck ratNAROk square in the chest, knocking the barbarian back a step. ratNAROk roared, as mightily as a mouseman can, and smashed his giant wrench into the nearest goblin's skull. Blood dripped from his wrench as he pointed it at the one who shot him. "Everything between me and you is dead -- here I come!!"
Bubb used the cadence of their beating wings to perform the verbal and somatic components for their spells as a swarm of flies. To protect themselves from the goblins swatting at them, they cast Spiritual Weapon in the same space as themselves, enveloping the swarm of flies with a giant spiritual fly. The spiritual fly then gnashed at one of the goblins while the flies themselves nipped at another, slaying both.
Space Pants contributed in the best way he saw possible, and lit the tree in the center of the grove on fire with a Fire Bolt. The dry, stringy shrubs on either side of it would surely go up in flames with it in mere moments. Space Pants was pleased.
Sergei struck at another, but the attack glanced off the goblin's shield. A Fire Bolt from Alefgard's fingertip was likewise deflected harmlessly. Erky had had enough.
"Forget you, Space Pants! You wanna see some dead goblins? HYAAAH!!" Erky flew into a rage and cleaved off the leg of a goblin with his scimitar.
"Yes," said Space Pants. "Let the hate flow through you."
Meepo poked his head around the corner of the doorway and cast Toll the Dead, melting one of the archers in the back. Zeke hacked down another goblin, the plasma tip of his sword cauterizing the wound as it cut, while Zumies darted in and put annother crossbow bolt through another goblin. ratNAROk stepped through the space of Bubb's swarm of flies and their spiritual weapon and, all three allowed to occupy the same space, flexed and clobbered the last one.
"Tour is canceled," said ratNAROk.
The fire spread unchecked as the party searched for loot instead. Zumies found some purple grape-like berries on the shrubs, as well as collected in buckets nearby. Recalling the goblins' sticky feet, he opted not to investigate the actual wine being made.
Sergei put out the fire, as Zeke stashed some bottles of goblin wine to pawn off to someone with less scrupulous tastes. "Not much here," he said, the search otherwise turning up mostly empty.
"Well, this room was a waste of time," said Space Pants. "What are we even doing in this dungeon?"
"The apple," said Meepo, "which we need to get before you set it on fire like everything else!"
"I thought we were escorting this man to prison for murdering goblins," said Space Pants, pointing at Erky. "He looked me right in the eye and did it again."
"Watch out," said Erky, "or next time, I might mistake you for a goblin, too."
"Oooh." Space Pants pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. "They grow up so fast!"
I'm going to have to drop to a whenever-I-can schedule for this for a little while. I have some health concerns to deal with that need to take priority, but I'll keep this going when I feel up to it.
In other news, the real-life party has finished the dungeon!! After almost two years, we've completed the Sunless Citadel. We're taking a break from the game while I prepare for the next leg of the adventure, but we all can't wait to dig into the next chapter of this beast.
=============
"Beyond the Veil: Aged to perfection deep within ancient ruins, its recipe guarded by the last white dragon, this wine offers a full-bodied taste with hints of mushroom and blightberry. Pairs with a hearty meal, its pungent notes will ascend your pallete to a whole new reality."
"Zeke," said Edward, "What are you doing?"
"Marketing! Gotta come up with a keen hook if I'm selling goblin foot wine."
"Sounds like you're selling catnip," said Space Pants.
Alefgard snorted. "Pungent notes? You mentioned the hint of mushroom, but not the fungus between their toes."
"How do you know Calcryx is the last white dragon?" asked Zumies.
"Well, she's not the last, since you say there's still a dragon alive at this place called Severedcoils, but who can claim to have seen a second white dragon anywhere?"
"Right," said Sergei. "Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare, the dragon to whom this very temple is devoted. I believe that's the dragon I spotted chained up near the gate."
Meepo's eyes lit up at the sound of the dragon's name. "Meepo would very much like to meet Nelare one day. Is she scary?"
"Oh, no," said Sergei. "The dragon I saw was no larger than Calcryx, chained up and withering away behin-- d'oooh."
Meepo looked very, very sad.
"I mean, I'm sure she's fine. She's a dragon, after all."
"I would very much like to see her," Meepo said again with steel in his voice.
"We'll bring you with us, little one, if that is your wish. As soon as we retrieve that apple, we'll be on our way back."
The party approached the next door in the gallery, a short walk north and on the east wall.
"I need a tank in front of me," said Meepo.
"Right here." Sergei checked the knob to see if the door was unlocked. It was. Sergei kicked the door in anyway.
(https://i.postimg.cc/brF3MsDF/173-treeson.png)
A strong scent of mushroom and compost gusted through the door at the force of his foot. The chamber beyond looked similar to the one they'd just left - a dirt floor, from which a garden of shrubs was actively being tended. These shrubs did not seem to be planted in any specific order, however, and scratches in the dirt seemed to indicated they'd been moved about recently.
Tending to these shrubs was a gang of gardening skeletons, armed with hoes. The skeleton nearest the center turned and raised a boney hand in their direction. "Ssstop. You must be the... adventurersss we've heard ssso much about. Before you ssshatter our bonesss for experience, I have a proposssal for you, if you will leave usss in peace."
"Hang on," said Edward, "I'll make sure Space Pants stays out of this one."
Space Pants replied, "What's he sayin'? Does he need to be set on fire? Does he have friends who need to be set on fire?"
"Nevermind the hooligans," said Sergei, "I shall hear you out. What say you?"
The head skeleton gardener parted some nearby brush, revealing a small, smiling twig blight. "Instead of your usual course of dessstruction, consssider this instead: Ssspare us, and take thisss young blightling with you. It will bond fassst to you and bring you companionship for time to come - much better than the fleeting, passsing joy of the crunch of twig and bone under foot, no?"
"Blightling!" The miniature twig blight mimicked its name like some small pocket-sized creature. "Blightling! Blightling!"
"Hang on," said Space Pants, "Did I hear it say, 'burn me?'"
"It said 'catnip,'" said Edward.
"Oh, yeah, good idea."
"I wonder if we can breed it?" said ratNAROk. "Maybe it's like a hosta, and it'll multiply if I cut it down the middle? We could raise an army of these things!"
"Your terms are acceptable," Sergei said hurriedly. "'Tree Son,' you will come with me now. I shall raise you to be the finest warrior."
"Yesss..." The skeletal gardener clicked his fingertips together with glee. "'Tree Ssson...' Sssuch a fitting name for your new faithful companion."
"Before we go," said Sergei, "We seek the tree that grows the special apples. Where can we find it?"
The skeletal gardener rolled its head back in thought. "Ah, yes... Belak's tree. Just follow the doors to the north. When you can't go north anymore, go south, then north again. When you find the stairs headed down the long hallway, you'll know you're almost there."
Alefgard scratched his head. "North, then south, then north again--"
"Don't think about it too hard," the skeleton laughed, "You'll see."
Meepo nodded. "It seems we've been in this dungeon fighting one thing after another for far too long. It's nice to finally have a room that just hands us something for free, and then gives us directions towards the end!"
Sergei grunted. "Too long indeed! Come, Tree Son! To arms!"
"Tree Son!" The blightling took to its new name like water. "Tree Son! Tree Son! Tree Son... Tree Son..."
The party made haste through the north door, into the northern gallery, and to the north door of that room. Bubb listened at the door, but heard nothing. However, something on the other side of the door smelled delightful to them - the unmistakable scent of fresh, rotting corpses.
"Mmm... smells like someone's left out dinner for us!" Bubb opened the door, unable to resist the tantalizing aroma of decay.
(https://i.postimg.cc/DZp2MvJc/174-bodycamp.png)
In the next room, an assortment of dead kobolds and goblins laid about the floor, gathering flies. A nearby campfire, left unattended, kept the room nice and toasty to keep the stench ripe.
Bubb licked their thousands of lips. "Who would leave a feast such as this to waste? Not I!" The fly cleric began to dig in, claiming a goblin leg to cook by the fire.
"Do I eat goblin?" Meepo seemed uncertain. "...In a pinch, I probably have."
"It seems we've found the corpseyard," said Sergei, "though... the way these are laid out is rather suspicious, no?"
Bubb stared past the goblin leg they were cooking and into the fire. "...This fire must have been tended to recently for it to be going this hot. And it's adding to the stench... surely, this whole scene appears to be manufactured!"
Almost as soon as Bubb said this, the floor began to tremble. The wall cracked, then shattered apart, revealing a huge, hungry beast.
(https://i.postimg.cc/FKZF0gh8/175-bulette.png)
The tremblng earth knocked all but Bubb and Sergei to their feet. Stone and debris from the wall crashed into Bubb.
"Hold it together!" Edward shouted. "That's a bulette!"
"A what?!" said Bubb.
"Land shark!!"
"Big chonker!" ratNAROk vaulted over a small towercap with his Nutcracker and smashed in its snout, critically wounding it.
Bubb launched a Guiding Bolt at the bulette. Its body glowed, making it easier to see vital weak points. Space Pants ignored all of them and assaulted the beast's mind with Dissonant Whispers, racking its mind with phantasmal sounds of hissing, scraping, and the Bad Kitty spray bottle to cow it into submission. The ruse worked, and the bulette leapt away in alarm to the back of the room.
Taking advantage of the break in action, Space Pants focused sorcerous energy to temporarily increase his spell capacity. "Like they say, you can't ever have too much power!"
"Who's 'they?!'" asked Edward, with alarm.
Sergei slashed at the bulette with his magic long sword, but the attack bounced off its thick, scaly hide. Frustrated, he channeled his anger into a surge of action and breathed fire on the beast. Alefgard followed up with a Fire Bolt of his own, but had similar problems getting through the monster's armored skin.
Erky thought it wise to bypass the creature's armor, and cast Sacred Flame, engulfind the bulette in white, radiant fury. Zumies fired a bolt from his magic crossbow, but it failed to connect. Zeke kept his distance and fired two bolts of energy into its side from his plasma sword.
"Do you have a license for that thing?" Meepo asked, as he cast Bless on Sergei, ratNAROk, and Bubb.
"You kidding? It's one-of-a-kind, not exactly easy to register. ...Wait, who's asking?"
The bulette roared, reared itself up on its hind legs, and launched itself like a bullet through Sergei and ratNAROk and into Zumies' and Bubb's space. Sergei and ratNAROk were knocked aside, the barbarian knocked prone, but Sergei kept his footing and tried to slice it as it went by - his attack went wide, though. Meanwhile, Zumies was pushed back while Bubb was trampled beneath the bulette's bull rush.
ratNAROk got behind the bullette and flanked it, smashing his wrench into its thigh. The beast let out a pained groan - its scaly hide may be thick, but that hurt.
"Here, this worked last time."
Space Pants cast Dissonant Whispers again, forcing it to move as far as its speed allows away from Space Pants. Using its superior burrowing speed, the bulette reacted by burrowing nearly straight down.
"...That's not what happened last time."
Bubb's body was mercifully pushed aside in the dirt by the bulette's passing, rather than dragged down underneath with the monster. Erky healed Bubb to revive him, and Edward said a Healeing Word for him, too. Then, Bubb began a Prayer of Healing for the rest of the party.
ratNAROk barely restrained himself. "Grr... wanna go after it, but it's long gone already, huh? Yeah... digging around under these rocks didn't turn out well last time."
"Hold still." Bubb's Prayer of Healing manifested as glowing flies trying to land upon and clumb up their noses.
"No, no!" ratNAROk tried to swat the fly away. "No heals!"
"Why? Why?" Space Pants was laughing to himself. "You're gonna die, man!"
"I know why," said Bubb. "It's because he cannot face his own mortality, for to do so would mean admitting weakness. Only a weakling would refuse healing for the sake of his pride."
"No, no, it's because it's gross, man! A fly? Up my nose? Come on, man--"
"Only. A weakling. Would refuse to be healed and made ready for future fights to come."
"Rarrgh!!" ratNAROk tried to pull open the door to the next room, but it was locked. "Argh! Fine! Ew! Why does it have to be so gross?"
"Quit being a baby. It's just one little fly this time."
12 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Early Morning - 3 Days Until Solstice)
=============
(https://i.postimg.cc/ZqBWKvRv/178-messy.png)
Exhausted, the party at last decided to put this long day to rest. With no further sign of the bulette, Zeke once again used his portal device to open the gate to his shop to use as a safe resting place. The dank room was starting to smell a bit ripe due to the goblin bodies left behind.
"Oh, right... should've done something about that. Uh, hey! If you guys help me clean up my mess, I'll throw in a discount on the next thing you buy!"
ratNAROk was already throwing a goblin corpse onto Zeke's fire. "Easy!"
"No, not there! The place already stinks enough as it is. Throw 'em outside, there's already a pile of bodies out there anyway."
It didn't take long to drag the goblins outside. Zeke kicked some dirt over the bloodstains on the floor, and soon it was good as new.
"I'm pooped!" said Meepo. "Shop tomorrow. Sleep now."
"I'm not quite tired yet, myself," said Zeke. "In fact... yeah, why not. This might be the wrong time for it, but how about some coffee?"
Space Pants watched with curiosity as the badger began removing tools from his knapsack beside his stump stool, as he had before - a bag with covered in strangely printed text, a tall metal pot, and a waterskin. He poured the water into the pot, the beans into a compartment built into the top, and set it on the fire. Almost immediately, the aroma of brewing coffee began to overtake the goblin stink.
ratNAROk sniffed. "Ah, yes... more of the good drip." The barbarian took a sip.
"I should warn you, if you drink that you'll be up all night!"
"Raaaugh!!" ratNAROk yelled. "So! Much! Energy! I'm just gonna burn it all off right now!" ratNAROk entered his final rage of the day and took it out on one of Zeke's tables, splintering it down the center.
"Hey, knock it off! So much for that discount."
Space Pants took a cup and smelled it. "Have you ever given coffee to a cat before?"
"Uhh, I'll be honest, I have not served coffee to any being on this world before you guys, soo--"
"Oh well, now you gotta live with whatever comes next." Space Pants downed a cup of coffee so fast it burned his tongue. The cat twitched, sputtered, and screeched as he went completely feral, running across the tables and knocking over Zeke's displays.
Zeke shook his head. "What a mess... And to think, all I tried to do was introduce foreign cuisine to an alien world."
Space Pants tipped over a table as he ran under another. Hissing, foaming at the mouth, and completely out of his senses, the cat really seemed to like coffee.
"With no regard to what you're feeding us or whether we can handle it," scoffed Alegard, as he took a sip of coffee. "Mmm... not bad."
Zumies abstained from the coffee, and instead pushed all the things off of one of Zeke's tables to sleep on top of.
Zeke sighed. "No, what are you-- fine, at least if you're sleeping, you won't be making any more messes. Sheesh!"
Space Pants spat, hissed, and tried to jump on top of one of the torch sconces. Cinders rained down as the cat brought the light fixture down with his whole body. Space Pants kept on running.
"Oh, dear," said Bubb. "Isn't there a cleric somewhere willing to help this poor creature?"
Meepo was sleeping soundly beneath a table that hadn't already been destroyed.
"Anyone?"
Erky was drawing a circle in the dirt around some glass vials. "Come back later, I'm busy."
"What are you doing?"
"Making holy water," said Erky, consecrating the bottles with a holy Ceremony, pouring powdered silver into the circle he drew in the dirt. "What does it look like?"
"Not a bad idea. You never want to need holy water and not have it."
Space Pants got up on his haunches like he was ready to pounce Erky, his tail wiggling as he carefully got himself into optimal launch position.
"Don't you dare, you crazy-- If you make me waste this, I'll--"
Space Pants batted at the vial of powdered silver in Erky's hands, making a wild grab for it at disadvantage.
(https://i.postimg.cc/LXQb6Q82/179-silver.png)
Shiny object acquired, Space Pants batted at and chewed on the vial on the floor. Fortunately, he had forgotten about the circle, and hadn't kicked it up yet.
"Oooh, you... Fine, take the vial. Go over there and... play, or whatever. Leave me alone for an hour, and you won't regret it."
One hour later, Erky had himself a vial of holy water, and Space Pants still hadn't run out of energy. It was far past late, so the party did their best to sleep with a feral cat streaking around.
Not long after everyone had retired, Sergei began to hear a noise. It sounded like music, but artificially composed - tinny, mechanical, and precise.
"Hm? What's that?"
"I choose to fail my perception check on purpose." ratNAROk pulled a blanket over his face and ignored the music to go back to sleep.
Space Pants was sprawled out over a pile of papers that looked like they were probably important. Space Pants was of no use to the situation. Space Pants was in perpetual coffee bliss.
Looking around, Sergei saw that the door to the back area was left ajar. Their badger companion was also absent. The music seemed to be coming from behind the door.
Cautiously, Sergei slipped through the door to investigate. Colored lights hanging from a green wire lined one wall of a hallway that started here and wrapped around the wall to the north. There was a door to the south, and two to the north. The music was coming from farther down the hall, and the closer he got to it, the more certain Sergei was that he had never heard anything like this before in his life.
There was an open door at the end of the hallway. As he approached, he gasped at what he saw.
(https://i.postimg.cc/jSkWb4sr/177-console.png)
Lounging in a modern-looking chair, Zeke sat before a glowing panel upon which was projected some kind of animated scene. The badger held a device in his hand which was wired to a box connected to the screen, and this seemed to be the source of the music. The badger hadn't noticed Sergei yet - he was intently pressing buttons on the controller while staring at the screen in front of him in a trance, as though Sergei weren't even there.
"What is..."
"Gah!" Zeke jumped with a start. "Stikash na'kah... You scared me! Uh, hey, yeah, um... You know how I sold you guys that phone that you shouldn't tell anybody about, and it has games on it? Well, this is like that, but without the phone part. But, it also comes with the part that it's something else you shouldn't mention to anybody ever in the whole wide world."
"Games, you say?" Sergei took a closer look at the screen, and only now realized Zeke was controlling it with the device in his hand. "...Oh!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/MpGcNFJD/176-buggame.png)
Zeke offered the controller to Sergei. "Well, you've already seen it. You wanna try? You move the beetle around with this plus-sign looking thing, and shoot the turtles with the 'A' button. See if you can beat my high score!"
At first, Sergei struggled with the controller, looking at it each time he wanted to press a button. Soon, though, he started to get it. His eyes lit up as his destruction of a wayward turtle shell caused a chain reaction of stars and explosions that set off more shells and more stars and more explosions. The strange text in the corner of thes screen - he assumed it was a number - went up and up and up.
"Yeah, like that! See? You're a natural!"
Though he was blind to his overall progress since he couldn't read the score, on his third try he was doing very well. The shells picked up speed suddenly, but he stayed in the game as the difficulty spiked. More shells erupted into sparkles and stars as he blasted his way ever closer to an invisible finish line. Even more shells dumped onto the screen - too many at once! The speed picked up again at the same time, and just like that, his beetle was squashed, and the game was over.
"It always does that at 50,000! Great job though, that's an excellent score for just starting. Want to keep playing?"
"Just for a bit," said Sergei. "We're nearing the end, I think, so I'd prefer to be rested for tomorrow. Then again, it's a little quieter in here than out there with that crazed cat."
12 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Early Morning - 3 Days Until Solstice)
=============
By anybody's guess, it was a new morning. It had been days since the party had seen the sun, and the dirt walls around them were windowless, featureless except for the claw marks that dug it out and the few torch sconces barely clinging to the earth.
Space Pants woke up. Space Pants was up most of the night hopped up on caffeine. Space Pants was miserable.
"Blugh. Where's that badger with the juice? I need to wake up."
"Maybe you should lay off that stuff," said Alefgard. "It doesn't seem to agree with you."
"I'll be the judge of who or what agrees with me. Isn't that right, Erky?"
"Nng..." The gnome rolled over in the dirt where he was sleeping. "Few more minutes."
Space Pants grumbled as he picked dirt out of his claws. "Great. I think I only recovered a single spell last night.
The side door opened as Zeke came out from his chambers. "Good mo--"
"Coffee. Now."
"Oh, I'm right behind you." The badger looked around at the chaos that was his shop - it looked like a hurricane had wiped through. "Y'know what though, I think we'll make it to-go this time."
After a quick breakfast, the party gathered their things and prepared for another day of trekking through the Sunless Citadel. They headed out through the portal affixed over the entrance to Zeke's shop.
Edward blanched. "Uhh... what happened here??"
(https://i.postimg.cc/DwLW3CrY/180-bulloops.png)
Surrounding the exit portal was the carcass of the bulette they'd almost killed yesterday. It seemed a hole had been bored clean through its head and body, extracting a perfect cylinder of flesh clean through. The portal rested in the center of that hole.
Bubb's billions of eyes lit up at the potential feast. "It must have tried to eat the portal."
"That's weird," said Meepo. "Shouldn't there be bulette guts stuffed in the entrance to Zeke's shop?"
"Not if it came from underneath," said Zeke, perturbed. "When that portal isn't active, it leads out the front door of my sett. If it came from underneath, then that means... the rest of this thing... is all over the front of my home."
"Like it shot out the front door?!" Edward couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sorry, that's... really unfortunate for you."
The stone door leading out south was jammed, and required some effort to open. The immediate passageway in front of them was dark, but what lied beyond was illuminated by an eerie red glare.
(https://i.postimg.cc/qvkkQKJ6/181-dragonstatue.png)
The chambers were lined wall to ceiling with engravings of dragons in flight, some crumbling or worn with age. A menacing green dragon carved of marble and painted, though chipping, dominated the room with its presence. The eye sockets of the dragon statue glowed red, casting dark shadows on the wall behind it with its mighty wings, and which danced upon the walls as the party moved about the room. Before the dragon statue was a circular tile of smoothed basalt.
ratNAROk immediately attacked the statue. His wrench bounced off the stone harmlessly. "Magic! I bet if I hit it harder..."
Zumies snooped around the southern corner of the statue. Its massive wings obscured the wall behind it, casting massive shadows on the walls and floor. However, there was something peculiar obscured by the darkness - a doll, made of corn husk. Three, in fact, lined up against the wall, one in each corner and one in the center.
(https://i.postimg.cc/VsgSMTWc/rashpop-b.png)(https://i.postimg.cc/zvxVrbGf/rashpop-o.png)(https://i.postimg.cc/wTB1kVwR/rashpop-y.png)
"Huh... that's not ominous at all."
The rogue reached out to pick up one of the dolls - but as he did so, all three burst into black flame! Zumies leapt back just in time to avoid being burnt, or worse. As the flames dissipated, three dark, shadowy specters arose in their place.
Zumies was quick to react and fired his magic black bronze crossbow, Athamgim Bothonnulom, "Focustwisted the Murky Blames." The bolt pierced through the shadow, magically damaging the ethereal entity. Taking advantage of the distraction, he deftly disengaged and departed, avoiding getting ambushed in the nick of time.
Edward took a shot at one of the shadows with a short bow, but the arrow passed nearly harmlessly through. "Huh... I seem to remember something about these things, but I can't quite recall..."
Space Pants' eye twitched. Sleep-deprived and spell-deprived, the cat was already in a foul temper. He studied the shadows for a moment, noting that they were clearly incorporeal. "Right, so... this isn't going to work, but here goes anyway." Space Pants screeched like a feral animal and leapt at the shadow with his claws extended, looking to outdo the barbarian for the day. His paw passed through the shadow, feeling cold as the darkness sifted between his claws.
Just then, Edward recognized the shadows with his bardic knowledge; He recalled several stories about these fiends, and suddenly remembered their weakness: "Of course-- Radiant! They're vulnerable to radiant attacks!"
"One radiant damage, coming right up!" Erky bounded atop a chair, and then a table, and held his holy symbol high as he called out, "By the power of Thrathdad, be purified!" It seemed the god was listening, then, as one of the shadows burst into white Sacred Flames, brighter than they've ever been before.
Meepo cast a Guiding Bolt at another, incinerating the shadow instantly, burning even brighter than Erky's flames. The kobold then turned to the gnome with a grin on his face. "Go team Nelare!"
Erky tsked. "Please, you think a dragon could stand up to a god?"
"You'd be surprised!"
The only shadow left was the one Space Pants tried to scratch, and it swiped back. Its claws reached through Space Pants, chilling him with its icy tendrils and stealing his strength.
Sergei and ratNAROk closed in on the remaining shadow. As Sergei maneuvered behind the statue's massive wings, ratNAROk climbed over it and leapt down on it with his giant wrench. As he raged, white flames burst out of his fur, enveloping his weapon with radiant energy. The shadow blasted apart in a flash of brilliant white energy.
The shadows departed, leaving nothing behind. Even the corn husk dolls were gone, having burned completely away by the black flames - not even ash remained. It was as if nothing were ever behind the statue in the first place.
"Rats," said ratNAROk. "What a bunch of cheapskates."
Meepo investigated the dragon statue. There was no mistaking it - this was a statue of Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare, which made sense considering this temple was devoted to her. To think the goblins had such a beautiful relief of the beloved dragon on their side of the dungeon!
"It's not breakable enough," said ratNAROk. "Let's move on."
Deciding the leave the statue be, the party turned towards the door to the north.
(https://i.postimg.cc/MZ5RfjXs/182-obvioustrap.png)
"Oh, sure..." said Zeke. "More shrubs."
Sorry for the sudden hiatus, life got a bit complicated for a while. Job search, leading to a new job, has been an adjustment but a welcome one! I'm not quite ready to commit to a schedule again yet, but don't worry, this story's still twitching.
-------------
The doorway opened to an old library, the walls lined with bookshelves filled with books that were in turn filled with mold. The cracked mortar in the floor was pierced by dried shrubs, standing between the party and the door on the other side of the room.
"Can we get a nametag for my boy Tree Son?" said ratNAROk. "So we can tell him apart from these posers?"
"Tree Son!" The baby twig blight they'd picked up along the way repeated its name happily upon hearing it.
"Aw, Tree Son," said ratNAROk, "You're the new Meepo."
"...What's that supposed to mean?" said Meepo.
"You know what I mean," the mouse barbarian said. "You used to be the 'small and cute one.' But now, Tree Son is smaller and cuter, so we love him more!"
"Small and-- what?!" Meepo pounded his yklwa. "Who's gonna heal you when you get beat up? Not that 'smaller and cuter' shrub there, that's for sure!"
"No," said ratNAROk, "That's not that point. He's like... an emotional support creature."
"I agree," said Space Pants. "I feel better just having him around."
"How do you know it's a boy?" asked Edward. "...How do you check?"
"I'm more curious how these shrubs are growing here without sunlight," said Zeke.
"Wild magic," said Bubb. "Like life, it can grow anywhere the conditions are right."
"Ah... I don't understand magic all that well. It isn't on my world, and it just kinda confuses me."
"Hm... perhaps it's residual magic from something in those shelves?" Bubb took a step into the room, pushing past the first shrub.
"Wait, I wouldn't--"
(https://i.postimg.cc/Y0PGnVtT/183-hereallydidthat.png)
As soon as Bubb set foot into the room, the shrubs sprang to life, reaching out to grab him with their branches!
"Now who didn't see that coming?" said Space Pants.
Three of the four blights closest to Bubb hit, scraping their warforged armor frame but dealing little damage. Bubb reached for a Potion of Fire Breath, drank it, and spat hot fire at one of the blights in the back, incinerating it instantly.
ratNAROk smashed the nearest twig blight with his wrench. "Hey, do these guys seem crunchier to you guys?"
"Yeah," said Alefgard. "Ever since we killed that big one earlier, all the blights we've seen after have been dried out and withered."
"Easy pickin's!" yelled the barbarian. "Let's pull some weeds!"
Bubb leaned and toppled himself over top of a twig blight, allowing gravity and the Constitution of his own body, rather than Strength, to crush it. Zumies ducked in and chopped the head off of another, his dagger easily cutting through the dried twig body. Erky cast Sacred Flame, but missed.
"Here, lemme show you how it's done." Space Pants conjured a glob of acid and hurled it into the room. It missed his target, but the splash burned the one next to it to a crisp. "See? You always gotta have a contingency plan."
Sergei squeezed into the cramped room and sliced a blight in twain. "Look away, Tree Son!"
Tree Son poked his head into the room to see the commotion. Upon seeing the dead twig blights, Tree Son wandered in and planted its roots in the cracked mortar, feeding from the mulch of his brethren.
"Uhh... I think our Tree Son might be a little cannibal."
"Hah!" Meepo cried out, as he sliced a twig blight apart with his yklwa. "So much for 'small and cute' - that thing's waiting to eat you!"
ratNAROk snarled, "How dare you accuse Tree Son of plotting against the party! What's the matter with you?"
With one blight remaining, Zeke walked into the library to finish the job. With a snort, he slashed through the remaining blight. The ball of plasma resting at the top of his blade burned it instantly, reducing it to ash. Zeke turned and, seeing Tree Son, immediately regretted his actions. "Oh, the little one doesn't need to see this..." Sheepishly, the badger stomped out the fires so Tree Son wouldn't have to see its own brethren burning.
(https://i.postimg.cc/QCTT9Z20/lilshrub.png)
Tree Son looked on, smiling like always.
Meepo began searching the room. It didn't take him long to find a scroll of Scorching Ray hiding beneath the rubble of one of the wrecked bookshelves. The others followed suit, each taking a separate bookshelf. Similarly, Zumies found a scroll of Melf's Acid Arrow.
ratNAROk procured a tome of draconic lore. It was written in draconic and bound in blue dragon scale. The mouse handed the tome over to the badger and said, "Oi, dead dragon. You hate these, right?"
"Indeed I do," Zeke said, turning sour as he inspected the tome. "A dragon destroyed my home, when I was living at Frelan Keep. I know my friends got out safely, but I haven't seen any of them since. I've basically had to start over from nothing."
"That's rough, buddy. How much is it worth to ya?"
"I like it. A lot. Keep it coming."
Sergei searched the shelves, and found something familiar. The shadows seemed to move over it in a peculiar way, like claws reaching out to leave it there to be found before retracting up into the bookshelf.
"Oh, what's this...? Another of those stone tablets we've been finding." The dragonborn stared at it, unmoving. Somewhere in the distance, he could hear the flapping of a bat's wings. "...Why do I get the feeling this was left here for us to find?"
As expected, the tablet revealed a bit of the history of Severedcoils, shedding some light on the fort's handling of its meat industry. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=43395.msg946750;topicseen#msg946750)
Space Pants, the cat, read the tablet, and pondered. "Huh... That cat saved itself by making a dwarf adopt it. Dwarves have some kind of weakness for the affection of a cat, then? That's real interesting."
12 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Late Morning - 3 Days Until Solstice)
-------------
(https://i.postimg.cc/bwFYG0VJ/kembo-party-poster.png)
Having pilfered the old library, the party pressed onwards. Sergei tested the door to the north of the room - it was unlocked, and opened easily. Through the door was a short hallway that turned sharply towards some stairs headed down. Moss covered the damp precipice, and the passage ahead was dark.
"Well, only one way to go," said Sergei. "Let's move."
Carefully, they descended the mossy stairway, cautious not to slip or make any noise signaling their approach. Except for Bubb and Zeke, both of whom slipped and bonked their heads on four stairs apiece on the way down. Flies buzzed about in protest of the armored suit's folly.
Damp and crumbled stone masonry marked the way ahead. The ceiling was eight urists high, and the corridor made a sudden right turn, headed south.
(https://i.postimg.cc/LXDsgwXf/184-aroundthecorner.png)
The floor was so crumbled apart it might as well have been dirt. The walls may have had something etched on them once, but so many roots had pushed through the walls it was impossible to tell what it might have been.
Space Pants moved ahead and found a door. Not only was it made of solid oak, but it still had bark on it. He arched his back and ran his claws down the door, as a cat would. The door did not respond. However, he noticed the ground in front of the door was of fresh soil, resembling that of a forest.
"Space Pants walks right past it," he said aloud, as he decided suddenly he had no interest in the door, as a cat would. South of that door was a second door, also made of wood, though a more standard affair than the previous door. The finish on the door was peeling with age. Space Pants jiggled the handle - it appeared to be unlocked. The cat opened the door slightly, then sat next to it, taking his time deciding whether he wanted to go in or stay out.
(https://i.postimg.cc/TwxLpVCB/186-barrels.png)
The next room appeared to be a storage area. Barrels filled the room, leaving a path through the center of the room connecting the exits. To the north was a door to the room Space Pants had passed. To the south, the wall has caved in, giving way to a cavernous opening full of twigs and moss. The passage beyond was alive with luminescent fungus and twiggy, woody foliage unexpected this far beneath the surface. Protruding from the briars were ruined walls and towers, their purpose lost with age.
"Let's not leave anything behind us," said Sergei, checking the oak door Space Pants left behind. The door was locked. Placing an ear to the door, he heard nothing beyond.
"Kick it!" said Meepo.
"Happily." Sergei kicked the door. It was surprisingly soft and moist, rather than hard like it looked, but the door stayed intact nonetheless.
"If only we had a rogue who could pick locks," said Zumies, pulling out his thief's tools. "Step aside, let me handle this."
(https://i.postimg.cc/bvcR8F2h/185-belakslab.png)
A layer of soil covered the entire floor of this room. Roughly constructed shelves line the north and east walls, filled with tomes and scrolls. A desk carved from a stump sat in the center of the east wall with a tallow candle on it, but its light was unnecessary, as fungus on the ceiling provided ample illumination even to support a few scraggly bushes pushing their way through the soil.
Zumies wasted no time searching the shelves. There was no mistaking it - this room was the study of a druid, presumably a powerful one. Many of the tomes seemed useless - seasonal notes of precipitation patterns and whatnot, dating back dozens of years - but one tome stands out, its title in draconic. Though he could not read it, he did know one word in the title, which stood out clearly to him: 'Treasure.'
"Sergei," said Zumies, "are you able to read this? It seems pricey."
The dragonborn looked at the cover of the tome. "'Treasures of the Fire Lords.' Let's see what it--"
As Sergei opened the book, briefly he saw the flash of a rune on its second page, just before the book exploded in his hands! The trap burned everyone in the hallway, exploding in a twenty urist radius. ratNAROk dove in front of Tree Son to protect him from the flames - but, was surprised as the book exploded in a wave of cold, rather than flame. Regardless, Treeson was spared from sudden frostbite. Sergei, at the epicenter of the blast, was not so lucky.
"Sorry, Sergei," said Zumies, "Had I known it was going to do that, I'd have given it to Space Pants."
Zumies opened the door to the south, leading into the storage room. The barrels were stacked unevenly through the room, making it difficult to maneuver beyond the cleared path. To the south, a pair of buckets sat on either side of the exit, with a lit torch sitting in one.
"A lit torch?" Zumies moved closer, and tried to take the torch. However, he failed to notice the trip line tying the two buckets together. Kicking the tripwire knocked the lit torch and both buckets and, filled with oil, on top of the hapless rogue. Flames burst out around his feet and on Zumies' robes - at the same time, a pack of goblins leapt out of hiding, reacting to the trap being sprung!
(https://i.postimg.cc/RVqQjpTg/187-gobarrels.png)
Chittering and giggiling, the goblins appeared from behind barrels in all corners of the room. A few darted in and out, slashing at Zumies with scimitars before disengaging back into hiding behind a barrel. Others stayed in the back and peppered them with arrows. One of the goblins got a clean hit in, almost taking Zumies to a knee, but the rogue remained standing - and on fire.
One of the goblins struck ratNAROk before ducking into hiding. "Hey! I saw that! I'm coming for you," the barbarian roared.
Another goblin tried to attack Sergei, but critically missed, striking a barrel and knocking it over, spilling half-rotting, half-salted fish all over the floor. Sergei riposted, slicing the goblin in half for its mistake. However, one of its allies retaliated with a critical strike against Sergei.
"Raaaugh!!" ratNAROk raged. Spotting the goblin trying to hide behind the barrel, the mouse lined up a swing with his wrench and cracked it across the skull. The goblin's head sailed off in an arc. Another barrel smashes, trashing the place with longland grass and tower cap mushrooms, making it look like a food fight was taking place.
Bubb cast Spiritual Weapon, summoning their spiritual fly between Sergei and ratNAROk. The spiritual fly immediately gnawed the face off the nearest goblin with its spiritual digestive juices.
"How does that work?" asked Alefgard
"Hey," said Bubb, "Souls gotta eat, too."
Zumies used his boot to kick as much flaming oil as he could onto the nearest goblin, distracting him so he could disengage and leap out of the puddle of oil. With a tumbling roll, Zumies simultaneously got out of the fire and put out the flames on his own clothing.
From the door, Erky cast Bless on Bubb, ratNAROk, and Sergei. Space Pants shot a fire bolt at a barrel containing a goblin, setting it on fire.
Sergei swung at a goblin and, thanks to the power of Erky's Bless, struck him down. Sergei moved through a fray, provoking an attack from a hidden goblin, but dodging it as he went by.
Meepo entered the room, spotted the goblin assailing Zumies, and cast Toll the Dead on it, killing the goblin outright. Zeke followed up by rushing in and slashing at the last visible, non-burning goblin. The flame on the tip of his sword set another barrel alight. Felling that goblin, he pointed the tip of his sword at the last visible burning goblin, and shot a bolt of plasma at it. Unfortunately, the bolt grazed the goblin, barely damaging it at all.
The last goblin put the flames about itself out, and then called out, "What are you guys waiting for?! Do something!"
From the south sprang forth reinforcements - several archers, immediately firing at Zumies and Sergei, leapt out from behind now-shambling twig blights, and lead by none other than the shaman Grenl, who had escaped them earlier.
"You'll never reach the Gulthias tree!" The shaman screamed, as she cast Bane on Bubb, Zeke, and Zumies.
(Unfinished) commission above by Lucas Sanctum