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[KenboCalrissian]

7 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Tasting fresh blood and craving more, the giant rats tore into the front line of the goblins fearlessly, convinced by the rat-who-walks that goblins were food.  Inspired by ratNAROk's presence, they fought tooth and claw to take down their prey and feast.  The rats brought down a few goblins on their own, including a couple of unlucky commoners, and continued feasting on their corpses as the battle raged on around them.

Panic ensued as the goblinfolk dwelling in the dank chamber swarmed to squeeze through the south-eastern door, where a malicious cat and his skeleton lie in wait.  As the goblins who had taken up arms struck back against the rats, a door in the south-west opened, through which another group of goblins rushed in to reinforce, launching arrows at Zumies, ratNAROk, and Alefgard's summoned axebeak.

"Oh no, I don't think so!  G'night!"  Edward struck a chord on his lute, targeting the cluster of goblin reinforcements.  The weaker of the bunch - most of the archers - dozed off and fell asleep.

"Alley-oop!" Alefgard followed up with an Ice Knife to the sleeping pack of goblins, helpless to defend themselves against the shards of ice exploding out from the point of impact.  All but two of the archers were killed outright.

During the commotion, Bubb saw something through its metal body, which he left dormant a few rooms back.  A kobold, swathed in dark garb and wearing a black face covering, entered the room carrying a large, empty sack on its back.  It spotted Bubb's frame, was taken aback, then cautiously stepped forward.  Seeing it inert, the kobold turned its attention to Bubb's weapon, sizing it up.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Immediately, the swarm of flies in the goblin's den stormed off towards its body, flying past and through the throng of panicking commoners.  Maggots fell out of the empty eye sockets and mouth of the Warforged frame.  An angry buzzing chanted the word "death, death, death" at the kobold.  The kobold recoiled, and turned to see the swarm of flies behind it.  Wisely, it put its hands up and backed away, leaving Bubb's weapon alone, and skulked off into the shadows.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In the hazy hallway, the commoners fell back against the south wall, trying to stay away from the skeleton and the feline while escaping towards the store room on the far end of the hall.  A pair of goblins with swords took up the rear of the bunch, and moved in to engage Space Pants and Cutter.  The cat nimbly dodged the scimitar of the goblin, but Cutter took a hit square on the chin, nearly destroying him.

"Get offa me, you filthy goblin!"  Space Pants struck the goblin with a fire bolt, but it stood standing.  Cutter missed his target, but kept himself between the second goblin and Space Pants.

In the goblin's den, the doors in the north-west corner were kicked open.  Inside the den, two hobgoblins escorted the goblin shaman into the fray.  The shaman raised her staff and cast Bane upon Alefgard, Edward, and ratNAROk, but only ratNAROk was affected. 

ratNAROk bared his teeth at the shaman.  "You're about to regret that!"  Flying head first into a squeaking rage, ratNAROk barreled past enemies, shrugging off attacks of opportunity to reach the shaman and land a square hit on her collarbone, nearly killing her in one blow. 

The goblins all round turned and collectively gasped.  "He hurt our lady Grenl!  Get him!!"  Every goblin nearby, as well as one of the hobgoblins, rushed down ratNAROk, striking at him from all angles. 

"Yeah, that's it!  Come on, hit me!  You can't do nothin'!"  The rat man goaded on his opponents, taking cuts and scrapes like they were nothing.

Grenl the shaman caught her breath and vowed not to be brought down.  She raised her hand, drawing a dark energy into it, and then grabbed ratNAROk with it, casting Inflict Wounds upon him.  The necrotic energy sapped the rat man of his vitality, despite his rage, leaving him weakened for her minions to finish off.  Then, making a nimble escape, she ducked away from ratNAROk and ran back into the corner room.  There was a hole in the middle of the room surrounded by a two-foot tall wall.  She leapt over the wall and into the hole, free-falling to safety.

"You little-- get back here!" ratNAROk raged against the goblins pinning him down, killing two but eventually succumbing to their relentless attacks and falling to the ground.

The second of the hobgoblins saw Alefgard, considered him a weak-looking target, and grunted at him, "You're next, book-boy."  He slashed his longsword at the wizard, and Alefgard was lucky to get away with only a grazing cut.

The goblins on the front line hacked down the giant rats, but in their distraction failed to notice Zumies sneaking among them.  The rogue deftly pierced the heart of one goblin with his rapier, ducked through the shadows to get in front of a second, and shoved his dagger up into the skull of another through its neck, watching the light fade from its eyes as it fell limp from his arms.

"Eesh!  And we've slept in the same room with this guy," said Meepo with a shiver.

Meanwhile, in the hallway up north, two more hobgoblins came forth, accompanied by a third, larger hobgoblin wearing splint mail and wielding and impressive-looking longsword.  They flanked the party from the rear, catching Meepo off guard in the doorway.

"What- Uh oh!  Guys, we got big trouble!  Oh, please don't kill Meepo, I beg of you, spare Meepo!" the kobold groveled and begged for his life, distracting the hobgoblins enough to create an opening for his allies, and mercifully managed to dodge the hobgoblin ambush.

"Little one, get behind me!"  Sergei swapped places with Meepo, holding position in the doorway to bar the hobgoblins' entry.  He breathed fire upon two of the three hobgoblins, but they were able to get their shields up and block some of the damage.

The hobgoblins retaliated.  Striking together, they pushed Sergei off balance - as he moved to dodge one blade, he jumped right in the way of another, taking a considerably stronger hit.  Sergei fell to the hobgoblins.  Durnn, the captain and leader of the Durbuluk tribe, snorted and stepped over Sergei's body to strike at Erky, the gnomish raging cleric.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Uh oh," Meepo cried out, "they've broken through!  This is really bad, you guys!"

"Little man, here!"  Alefgard touched Erky's scimitar, and it glowed a bluish hue.  "Go nuts!"

"I killed them all..." Erky said darkly, "...I'll kill them all again!  Erky Berserky!!" The gnomish cleric hurled himself screaming at Durnn, not even the slightest bit intimidated by the hobgoblin's imposing size.  He slashed at Durnn, and while the little gnome didn't do much damage, he did manage to impress the hobgoblin captain.

"Everybody, on your feet!  Come on, get up, fight for Meepo!"  The crowned kobold danced through the ranks, touching each of his allies and healing them.

"You too, ratNAROk!  On your feet!"  Edward shouted a Healing Word at ratNAROk, granting him another chance.  He turned and faced Durnn with a glint in his eye.  "I got somethin' for you too, big guy!"  Edward slammed a riff on his lute, and Durnn's splint mail turned hot - and hotter - too hot!  The air filled with the smell of burnt hair and flesh as the hobgoblin's armor started to cook him alive.

"Ow-- Owowowow!!"  Durnn cried out in pain and rage.  He made for Edward, but, seeing Sergei getting back on his feet behind him, turned on the dragonborn instead.  "If you knew what was good for you, you'd stay down!"  He swung at the fighter, but his burning armor made it hard for him to aim properly.  "Ow!!"

One of the hobgoblins on the other side of the door landed a critical wound on Sergei, bringing him down again.

"C'mon, stay up!"  Meepo soothed Sergei with a Healing Word of his own, putting more of his power into it.  "I can't keep doing this, you gotta get up and kill them!"

Alefgard's axebeak rushed down the archers.  Out of fear, they focused their attention on the giant bird instead of shooting the party.  One missed, but the other scored a critical strike in its chest, nearly puncturing its heart.  The bird was badly wounded, but fighting on pure adrenaline as it pecked at one of the archers with its massive beak.

In the other room, most of the commoners managed to sneak past Space Pants and Cutter while they were fighting goblins.  As the path cleared, Bubb entered from the south.  As it sees what's going on, it casts Toll the Dead on the goblin attacking Cutter.  Space Pants fried the one on him with another Fire Bolt, and the two turned to enter the goblins' den and help out the rest of the party.

A goblin backed into Erky as it was trying to get around Zumies, and Erky reflexively slashed at it with his scimitar.  The goblin's head flew off in a bloody arc.  Erky looked down at the corpse of the goblin he'd just slain.

"I did it... I really did it... I am a killer!  I'm Erky Berserky!!"

"Great job, Erky," said Edward, "you really did kill all those goblins though."

Alefgard added, "You're a real pal, but for real we have to talk about the murders."

Zumies stuck another goblin on his rapier, stabbing his rapier through its back and out the other side.  Sergei stood on his feet once again, got a second wind, and clobbered the hobgoblin in front of him, felling it instantly.  Durnn continued to cook in his armor, missing another attack as the heated metal continued to burn and hinder him.  The axebeak missed its attack, but dodged the two arrows shot at it.

"Man, you're axebeak's not hitting anything!" said Edward.

"You will refer to him by his name, 'Aaauuuck!'  And he's serving as an excellent decoy."

"Axebeaks make excellent mounts in the tundras," ratNAROk said as he challenged the hobgoblin.  "C'mon, hit me!  I'm not afraid of you!"

"Your axebeak will freeze by the time you reach the first marker," said Alefgard.

Edward said, "I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"

Bubb's spiritual weapon, shaped like a blade with fly wings, struck down another goblin, as Bubb cast Toll the Dead on another.  Its brains leaked out of its ears as it fell twitching to the ground.  While the situation seemed perilous moments ago, the tide of battle seemed to be shifting in the party's favor.  Sure enough, the enemy had thinned considerably, leaving only a few left standing.

With a final yell, Durnn slammed his weight into Sergei's shield, but it wasn't enough to break his defense.  At last, the heated armor had done in the hobgoblin - he yelled as he fell, his cooked flesh still sizzling and crackling.

"Hey, I know you guys all missed me," Space Pants sauntered into the den as the last few goblins were being mopped out.  "I got a new spell I've been wanting to try, here goes."  The cat waves his hands and casts Nathair's Mischief, a bizarre spell with random effects.  The area surrounding the last few goblins is covered in sticky molasses.

"What good did that do?" asked Zumies.

"You're welcome, that's what," the cat shot back.

Sergei, Edward, and Meepo surround the last hobgoblin, bringing him down with sheer numbers.  As the last of the hobgoblins was slain, the battle was won.

"Oh no, I ain't done yet!  Where's that shaman?"  ratNAROk ran for the hole in the other room.  He looked down to find an eighty foot drop.  Though the wall was lined with thick vines good enough for climbing, it was a little surprising that the shaman was able to get to the bottom and away so fast.  A purple light shined up from the bottom, just like the light emanating from the fungus in the braziers out in the goblins' den.  Even though he was on his last legs, ratNAROk climbed down a ways to get a better look at the bottom.  A number of skeletons were on a dirt floor below, tending to shrubs that looked like the twig blights they'd been encountering.  It was difficult to tell from the angle he was at, but he thought he could see the roots of an even bigger shrub just barely out of view.  One of the skeletons spotted him and began shaking the shrubs awake - at this point, ratNAROk decided to climb back up to the party and report what he'd seen.

Sergei searched the body of Durnn.  There was a key that likely locked the iron chest in the adjacent room, and Durnn's longsword turned out to be of masterwork quality.

While searching the room, Space Pants and Bubb noticed some movement in the hazy hallway they had just left.  It appeared that a dark-clothed kobold - in fact, the same one Bubb had seen earlier - was crossing the hallway and entering the Noble's Door, his empty sack ready to be filled with the unplundered loot that surely lied within.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Between the dozen-and-a-half corpses, the pile of stolen caravan goods in the middle of the room, and whatever lied beyond the Noble's Door, there was plenty in the area for the party to search.  It would take some time to go through it all, then they would need to decide - follow the shaman down the hole to the next level, or see what treasures the rogue kobold hoped to find beyond that door?

[KenboCalrissian]

7 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

((CW: Some images in this post contain pixelated blood))

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Sixteen goblins, four hobgoblins, and Durnn lay fallen at the party's feet.  The room was quiet, the remaining civilian goblins having run off to hide somewhere else in the dungeon.  With time on their hands, the party took a more thorough search of the battleground.

Aside from the masterwork sword and key, Durnn was also carrying a potion of healing and two vials of antitoxin.  He was also wearing a ring with the name 'Talgen Hucrele' inscribed on the inside, and a bit of blood on it.  Sergei looked again at the severed arm mounted on the wall, and shivered.  He recognized the name belonged to one of the adventurers who had been lost a month ago, and began planning on how he would deliver the news of the adventurer's fate.  "If anybody wants this beast's splint mail, they are welcome to it.  I already have my own."

Zumies searched the hobgoblin lieutenants and found two of them were wearing jewelry - one had silver earrings set with moonstones, the other a matching necklace.  "Huh... maybe they were a thing?"  Shrugging, Zumies collected the jewelry and put it on.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Erky looked around, covered head to toe in goblin blood old and fresh.  There was no denying it - he had certainly killed a few goblins here, his first that he could recall.  But it made no sense... what, exactly, had he been accused of?  'Murdering goblins?'  He had just witnessed his accusers walk into a goblin lair and slay scores, armed or not.  The very cat holding him prisoner went off to toy with the civilians as they were running away!  Who were these people to judge him?  And what exactly had he done that was so wrong?  Exhausted and confused, Erky snorted and set about removing Durnn's splint mail.  He reached into his boot and found his tinkerer's pliers, which the goblins had fortunately missed taking from him when they'd captured him, and set to work cutting the armor apart.  Whatever happened next, Erky was determined to survive and see this wretched experience to the end.

Space Pants reached out telepathically to Erky, once again impersonating the silky smooth voice of the world-famous bard Momuz Freeman.  "Erky sat in a corner, reflecting upon his poor, sorry life.  What would become of him, now that everyone knew he was a murderer?  How could he go on living with himself after what he'd done?"

"Y'know what," Erky snapped, "if you want me to keep you alive, then you gotta keep me alive.  Leave me alone to protect myself!"

Space Pants snorted a laugh.  "Whoa, there!  You better mind your place, you hear?  You know if you try to get away again, we'll just catch you again - only next time, we'll lock you back up in that cage and pretend none of this ever happened."

"...That actually sounds nice--"

"--and then we'll free you again and start this whole thing over from the beginning.  Until you go to bed, when we'll put you back in the cage.  And then, the next morning, we'll do it all again."  Space Pants laughed as he went to go find something else to toy with.

"Hey," Alefgard said to Erky, "nice job out there, actually.  You know Erky, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Erky stopped and looked up.  "R-- really?"

"But seriously, we have to talk about the murders."

Erky growled in frustration, and went back to worrying away at the splint mail with his pliers.

Alefgard's axebeak came up to him with an arrow sticking out of it.  "Ouch, that's in there pretty good," the wizard said, carefully removing it.  "Do summoned creatures feel pain?  I guess I should've paid more attention at the academy... You'll unsummon at dawn, and then you'll be okay - I mean, I think that's how it works..."

Zumies and Sergei ventured into the round room where Durnn and his lackies had been waiting.  Next to the stone throne on the far end of the room was a potted shrub and an iron chest.

"Not taking any chances."  Sergei put his torch to the shrub.  The twig blight shrieked and lashed out, its branches scraping harmlessly off of Sergei's armor as it burned away to ash.  "Thought so."

Zumies inspected the chest.  Just before he used the key, he noticed a small hole above the keyhole, just big enough for a needle to stick out.

"Hm... I'm not taking any chances, either."  Zumies cast Mage Hand and, grasping the key magically, inserted it into the lock.  The trap did not go off with the proper key inserted, but it didn't hurt to be safe.  Inside the chest was 231 gold and three onyx gems.

Space Pants, Bubb, and Meepo searched the large pile of stolen goods in the middle of the lair together.  They found 160 more gold coins and a collection of goods: A bottle of fine wine, a box of charcoal, thirteen pieces of chisel, a pair of oars, a small cask of dried figs, six small iron boxes with simple locks, a spinning wheel, a wagon in pieces, and a wooden drum.  Just before they were finished, Meepo took one last look for some armor and found a chain shirt beneath a hide sleeping mat nearby.

"I'll take that," Edward said as he snagged the bottle of wine.

"Can I get a nip of that?" said Alefgard.

"Next camp!  We have to stay on our toes."

"C'mon, I'm hurting, man.  I twisted my ankle trying to run away."

Space Pants picked up an oar, and used a piece of charcoal to draw Sergei's face on it.  He held up the oar next to Sergei, bobbing it up and down as he made it speak.  "I'm a stupid dragon, look at me."

Sergei raised an eyebrow at the felis.  "Are you making a jape of me, cat?"

"Rarr, it's me, Sergei," said Space Pants as he waved the oar around, "I'm making japes."

"Anything in those boxes?" ratNAROk asked.

Meepo checked inside the iron boxes.  In one, he found a keyring with six keys, one for each box.  The rest were empty.  "Nope!  These must be for sale.  Good to have though!  Keep Meepo's things safe."

"What's that room over there?" Bubb pointed south, to the door in the far corner.  "Looks like the reinforcements came from there."

ratNAROk went ahead, finding a small barracks not unlike other guardposts they had seen before.  The room contained a few hide cots, a small campfire, a pile of dented cookware, and a barrel. 

Bubb opened the barrel and found it filled with black pepper.  The flies came out of its face, buzzed around the pepper for a moment, then retreated back inside the armor, uninterested.  ratNAROk took a big whiff of the pepper and sneezed violently all over it.  "Whoops!"  He scooped up the top layer of pepper with his hands and dumped it onto the floor.

Erky peeked in, finished with his armor.  Having dismantled the splint mail, the gnome kept only the chest piece and helm, effectively wearing it as a breastplate.  Edward came in next, the rest of the party close behind.  "This actually looks like a good place to camp.  We can seal the door and rest here while we plan our next move.  Do we go down the shaft to face the shrubs and skeletons, or do we see what's down those stairs behind that door we opened?"

"There's a Meepo down there probably looting the place already," said Space Pants.

The kobold cocked his head.  "Meepo right here, what you talking about?"

"There's also that area where we fought those swarms of rats," Bubb reminded the group.  "We didn't get past the skeletons ahead of that area.  We could always backtrack and explore there."

"I agree we should rest first, but we shouldn't give that kobold too much time," said Zumies.  "We're the first ones to open that door in a century.  There's loot ripe for the pickings in there!"

Their plan set, the party made plans to set watch for their rest.  Edward and Alefgard took first watch.  It was mostly uneventful, except near the very end; Somewhere outside the room, a ghastly hiss filled the air, followed by a high-pitched kobold scream.

"What was that?" said Edward.

"Not our problem," said Alefgard.  "Yet.  It's next watch, we'll let them know to stay alert."

Space Pants and ratNAROk took the next watch.  Cutter the skeleton stood by, still as the dead but alert.  Shortly after it began, ratNAROk was staring into the fire, lost in thought, as Space Pants spotted something - a specter floating through the door, reaching a ghostly claw out towards the unaware rat man!

"Yikes!  ratNAROk, look out!"

"Huh?  What's up, little guy?"

"No, not me!  Turn around!"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

ratNAROk reacted a bit late, but spotted it just in time to narrowly dodge the specter's sneak attack.  Space Pants cast Dissonant Whispers on the specter, wracking its brain with psychic noise.  Recoiling, the ghost tried to flee, but ratNAROk and Cutter were each able to land a hit on it first.  Their swords passed through its incorporeal body, but even with their damage resisted, their combined strength was enough to dissipate it after the damage it took from Space Pants's spell.

The rest of the party woke just in time to see the fight end - except for Meepo, who slept soundly through the whole thing.

"Alright, show's over folks," said Space Pants, "nothing to see here.  Go back to sleep."

8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

The rest of the night went uneventfully.  In the morning, Alefgard's axebeak - who had crawled on top of Erky to sleep over the course of the night - unsummoned at dawn.  Cutter was looking agitated, and Space Pants realized the power of Nightcaller was failing.

"Ah, hold on - I gotta blow this whistle again to reassert control over you, yeah?  Here goes."  Space Pants inhaled - but then, he stopped.  Looking at Cutter more closely, it was clear the skeleton had taken severe damage during the last fight.  It looked like one small hit could finish it off.  Meanwhile, there were plenty of fresh bodies all around.

"On second thought... Cutter, go bring me the corpse of that big hobgoblin out there.  What was his name... Dirt?  You'll know which one, he smells like fried chicken."

Cutter dragged the corpse of Durnn, who had been cooked alive in his armor with Edward's Heat Metal spell, next to the fire.

"Great.  Now, as your final order, go stand in that fire and take a nap."

Without thought or hesitation, the skeleton complied, stepping into the campfire and turning to face Space Pants.  It stared at him with empty, lifeless eyesockets as its bones fell apart, one by one, into the campfire.

"Wonderful.  Now... upsie-daisy, Cutter 2!"  Space Pants blew the crystal whistle.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

With the charred body of Durnn risen as a zombie, the party set forth, wary of the specter that had attacked the night before.  They went back to the hazy hallway, where the door to the stairs leading to the Noble's level stood open.  In front of the door was a kobold corpse - its skin was sunken in around the bone, practically mummified.

"Was that here before?" Edward said.

"Oh, good," said Zumies, "that must mean the loot is safe.  Let's not waste any more time."

The stairs lead down to a dusty, square room.  A door was set in the northern and eastern walls, the latter locked while the former stood ajar.  There was no light but for the torches they brought with them.

Space Pants peeked through the ajar door, and with his darkvision saw what looked like the kobold with the sack on its back - only, different.  Its skin had faded, and it shambled with an uneven gait.  "Yeah, not good.  Cutter, you first."

The hobgoblin zombie pushed through the door.  As soon as it did, a pack of zombies in the room ahead turned and groaned hungrily.  A few up front were kobold, including the dark-garbed one seen earlier.  Most of them had elven features and wore armor denoting the mark of a royal guard.  They carried maces, except for one in the back holding a sledgehammer in two hands.

"Here we go - yaaah!!"  ratNAROk wasted no time flying into a squeaking, glowing rage, charging headfirst into the horde and cutting down one of the kobold zombies.  The rest of the party squeezed in where they could: Sergei entered the room and backed into a corner to stand his ground.  Meepo raised his holy symbol to turn the zombies, causing some to turn and flee - unfortunately, including Cutter.  Edward cast Sleep, knocking a few of the zombies unconscious.  Space Pants cast a Phantasmal Force on one in the back, causing it to see all of its allies as Zumies' mother - or at least, what Space Pants thought she looked like.

The zombies attacked chaotically, but strangely with a purpose.  Some ran away, some ran forward.  The one in the back saw an elf running away from it, and attacked its ally, who turned and fought back.  Despite their mindless movement, oddly they seemed to deliberately leave a space open near the back, as if preparing for something.  As the zombies rushed forward, two doors in the back flew open, revealing two larger zombies dressed in fine clothing and armor.  One carried a greataxe, the other a maul.  Both weapons shined with a silvery light.

Space Pants took a beat to observe the field of battle.  There was a chill in the air that made the fur on the back of his neck stand up.  He thought for a moment, putting the pieces together... Last night, they were attacked by a specter, and this morning there was a drained body outside the door.  He realized there must be a connection, and it must be nearby.

Sure enough, that realization turned out to be correct.  A wretched howl reverberated through the halls, and through the wall appeared a wraith.  It rushed forward, filling the space the zombies had left open for it, and hissed again.  The apparition raised one hand, and from the body of the recently slain kobold zombie, a new specter was raised.  The specter tried to grab ratNAROk like the last one had, targeting the biggest and holiest target it could see, but missed.  The wraith raised its other hand, and the shadows around it leapt from the floor and congealed into a wall in front of it, obscuring line of sight to it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Meepo saw the wraith's face - the ghost of an elven noble - and recognized it from a statue.  He could recall from the inscription he remembered seeing that this was the enraged spirit of Mebzuth "Paintedamused" Logemīdath, a Baronness.  It is said she was a worshipper of Lål Wondercradle the Bride of Adoration, she absolutely detested bats, and she liked working outdoors and grumbled only mildly at inclement weather.  Supposedly, her last orders while alive were to construct three ballista parts.

Erky looked through the door and nearly leapt out of his skin.  "Egads!  A wraith!"  The gnome cleric-barbarian tried to get a line of sight on the wraith to cast Sacred Flame, but wasn't able to pull it off.

Alefgard shot the specter with a Firebolt, but it appeared to resist fire damage.  "Normal weapons and elements aren't as effective against these things - they must have a weakness!"

"Keep fighting," said Edward.  "We'll figure it out along the way!"

[KenboCalrissian]

8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Having spent a round observing, Space Pants was able to clearly witness the wraith's opening gambit.  Not only could it raise specters from the souls of the recently fallen, but it commanded the shadows around it like inky black water, veiling itself in darkness.  He tried to spot a weakness, but all he could ascertain was that this was no ordinary wraith.

"Yeah, I think I'll stay back here.  Get in there, Cutter!"

The zombified Durnn turned and fled out of the room, shambling as fast as it could away from Meepo's holy symbol, moaning and whining as it shuffled by.

"You've changed, Cutter.  You're goin' soft on me." 

Space Pants ducked his head to the side, far enough that he could see the wraith from around its wall of shadows, and cast Dissonant Whispers on it.  A discordant ditty began playing on repeat in the wraith's mind: "Kill the elves, make them burst; Kill the elves, Zumies first."

The wraith howled in frustration and flew away through the wall.  The specter it summoned disengaged from the fight and followed behind.

ratNAROk cut down a zombie, and hacked into another.  "Ha!  That's right!  I ain't afraid of no ghost, they're afraid of me!"

"Hey, rat, thanks for stealing the credit."  The felis sorcerer made a mock squeaking voice.  "'You're welcome, Space Pants!  You're so cool and awesome!  I wish I could be you!'"

One of the zombies made a grasping lunge at Meepo, but stumbled over itself as it did so.  The kobold easily dodged, and pointed his holy symbol at it in retaliation.  A dolorous bell sound filled the air, and the rot on the zombie's body accelerated as necrotic magic ate away at it.  Bubb attempted the same, but missed.  Alefgard shot off a fire bolt at a zombie, and Sergei pushed back the horde with sword and board, wielding the masterwork longsword pulled from Durnn.  Erky cast Sacred Flame and burned another, but it remained standing. 

Edward tried to stick a zombie with his rapier, missed, then in one deft movement, pulled out a dagger with his off-hand and stuck it in the zombie's throat.

Zumies's eyes went wide.  "A rapier and a dagger?  Is that a feat, or a cheat?"

"It's only cheating if you get caught, rogue!" the bard quipped merrily.

Zumies shrugged.  "Fine, who needs daggers anyway."  The half-elf took aim with Athamgim Bothonnulom, "Focustwisted the Murky Blames," the magic black bronze crossbow he'd pilfered from the troll and took aim at a zombie.  The magic of the crossbow imbued the bolt with energy, granting it some additional ability to bypass defenses.  The bolt passed straight through the zombie's neck, tearing the head halfway off its shoulders, but still the undead guard stood with mace in hand.

Space Pants waved his hands and cast a chaotic bolt at a zombie.  The bolt changed colors rapidly as it flew through the air, exploding in a burst of acid when it landed.

ratNAROk whirled around in surprise.  "What magic!  What source is this from?!"

"It's from a book called 'Taming of the Gnome.'  It's a heart-warming tale about showing a criminal the error of his ways and bringing him to justice for his deeds."

"We'll see about that," Erky muttered under his breath.

"His name is Erky," Space Pants continued.  "It's about that time he killed all those people."

"Yeah, I get it!"  The gnome found an opening and pushed his way into the fray, slashing at a zombie with his scimitar.  The blade connected critically, taking its leg off at the knee.  He tried not to think about the fact he was doing better with a sword and his own strength than with the help of his deity.

"Yeah, that's it," Alefgard cheered on Erky.  "Now you gotta hit 'em with a one-liner, like, 'Obey your master!'"

"Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings," sung Edward.

Alefgard launched another Firebolt, determined to put this horde to rest.  A chill in the air got his attention, as he noticed the wall next to him suddenly became very cold. 

"What the..."

As the wizard reached out to touch the wall, a spectral hand reached through and grabbed him by the wrist, sucking the life out of him.  Alefgard wrenched himself free at the last moment, feeling as though that one attack put him on his last legs.  "It's here, on the back line!  That thing almost killed me!"

"I got you, buddy!"  Edward sprang to his long time friend's defense, casting an empowered Healing Word to restore his health. 

Once again, the sounds of wailing spirits rattled the walls.  The wraith appeared again, not at the back where the wall was cold but right in the middle of the zombie pack, slipping through the wall with its summoned specter close behind.  The specter covered the wraith's rear, and then the wraith raised shadows once again to hide its side, as it reached forward to raise a second specter from another fallen zombie.  The newly raised specter caught Space Pants by surprise and latched onto the cat's throat.  It drained him unconscious, but with the last of his will, Space Pants was able to keep his life from being taken from him.

"No, no, no!  Meepo says no dying!"  Meepo cast a Healing Word for Space Pants, bringing him back to consciousness. 

Feeling the tide of battle turning, Alefgard reached into his bag of tricks and threw a ball of fur onto the battlefield.  "Here's something else to swing at!"  The ball unfurled and stood as a baboon, which immediately swung its arms at the wraith.  Its fists passed through its ethereal form almost harmlessly.

Seeing the wraith again, Erky raised his holy symbol and once again cast Sacred Flame.  This time, it worked - white flames danced amongst the wraith's mistlike form.  While the radiant damage did not appear to be hurting it worse, the wraith did react with fear, acting as though it was already preparing to flee again.

"That's it!  Radiant damage makes it flee!"

"Not before I have something to say about it!"  Sergei rushed forward to attack the wraith, but was blocked by the wall of shadows.  It was unclear whether the shadows would actually impede his movement, but they definitely blocked his vision, making attacking from this side difficult.  "Somebody give me an opening!"

"It doesn't like light?" said Zumies.  "Let's see how it likes this!"  Zumies pulled out the candle with the blue Continual Flame and held it with his Mage Hand.  He directed the hand into the wraith's space, holding the light inside the spirit.  The magical flame does not burn, but does not go out, either.  The light shined out from inside the wraith, disrupting its concentration on the shadows and causing the wall the dissipate.

"Good thinking!  Now, feel my wrath!"  Seeing his chance, Sergei opened his mouth and unleashed a cone of dragon breath at the wraith and its two specters.  Unfortunately, the spirits all appeared to resist the fire, but having already taken radiant damage, the wraith and its two specters turned and fled the battlefield anyway, once again slipping away through the wall.

"Ha!  Cowards!"  ratNAROk looked into the eyes of the hooded zombie, the one carrying a large, well-crafted maul, before slashing its head off with his scimitar.

"Pat Scimitar," said Alefgard.

"Rat Scimitar," corrected Edward.

"Dang.  Got me on that one."

Meepo placed a hand on ratNAROk and cast Cure Wounds.  The rat scoffed.  "Calm down, I don't need healing!"

"Yes, you do!  You've been surrounded by zombies this whole time.  You not dying on Meepo's watch!"

Edward cut down another.  The zombies were thinning out, the battle nearing its end.  "We need to do something about these bodies so the wraith can't raise more specters from them!"

"Cut off their heads," suggested Space Pants.

"Is that where the soul is?" asked Meepo.

"What about burning them?" tried Edward.

"Burning is good," answered Bubb.  "A specter is raised from the body of one who has died violently.  By burning the bodies, we put the souls to rest, so they may no longer be raised as angry spirits."

"Bo Burn'em," interjected ratNAROk.

"'Burning is good,'" said Space Pants, mimicking the buzzing sound that accompanied Bubb's voice.  "'Rolling in guts is better.  Hey guys, I'm Bubb and I smell terrific.'"  Space Pants began shooting Fire Bolts into the fallen zombies, setting them ablaze behind them as the party pressed forward into the hall.

The warforged cleric stared at the cat, made a mental note, and moved on.  "There are a couple more ahead," Bubb said.  "A few that we've turned.  One of them is big."

The party pressed forward, cleaning up the rest of the zombie guards.  They waited a bit, but the wraith and its specters did not return. 

The larger zombie was carrying a silvered, masterwork greataxe.  "Oooh, that's for me!"  ratNAROk eagerly picked up the weapon that was clearly too large for him.

"Hm," said Sergei, "I see a helm on an armor stand in one of the rooms those big zombies came from.  I'm going to go take a look."

"You guys go on ahead," said Space Pants.  "I'm going to burn these bodies.  Not because of the wraith, just because I hate them."

Sergei moved into the west room, and the rest of the party followed.  Besides the helm, the room contained a weapon rack with a masterwork, silvered short sword, and a necklace with red diamonds on the table.  Edward spent some time identifying the items - the sword and necklace were mundane, but the helm had an enchantment of Waterbreathing on it.  If the helm gets wet at all, it activates a Waterbreathing spell for the wearer, which lasts for one hour before deactivating for the day.

Space Pants takes his time burning the bodies.  Space Pants pets Alefgard's baboon.  Space Pants does cat nip.  While distracted, the wraith snuck up behind him and reached its hand into his chest!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Hey-- get out of there!  That's my... me stuff!"

Space Pants felt his very soul wrench as the wraith's grasp seemed about to pull him straight out of his own body.  It was trying to possess him!  Space Pants steeled himself and resisted the attack, and cast Dissonant Whispers on it again, trying to make it flee like last time.  This time, however, as the cat's annoying tune danced in its head, the wraith ignored it and loomed in, preparing to take his life the hard way.

"Meepo said 'no!'  Stay away from Meepo's friends!"  From his vantage point at the door, Meepo could see the wraith, and shot a Guiding Bolt at it.  Radiant light pierced the wraith's spectral form.  It howled with rage and dissipated once again into the wall.

"We must stay together," said Sergei the dragonborn.  "Let's search these rooms with care, and take anything that could give us an advantage."

Sergei took the helm of waterbreathing, while Edward took the short sword.  Zumies, of course, took the necklace.  Searching the rooms across the hall, they also found a well-crafted warhammer and a suit of studded leather, as well as a cabinet containing four healing potions.  There were still chests and other rooms in the area left to search.

Space Pants's ear twitched.  "Hmm... Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[KenboCalrissian]

8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Zumies took a moment to eye the pair of chalk coffers in the northeastern room.  "Hm... suspiciously plain for a noble.  Could be trapped..."

While the half-elf was distracted inspecting the chests, Space Pants chose violence.  Sneaking up behind him, he stuck a small wooden stick beneath the rogue's boot and set it on fire with a tinderbox.  Zumies almost failed to notice, until smoke and the smell of warmed leather reached his nose.

"Hey!  Knock it off, those are magic boots!"

"He's gonna use a magic boot to stomp a mudhole in Space Pants," said Alefgard, "and walk it dry."

"I'm just keepin' you on your feet, elf," said the cat.  "Never know when someone might sneak up on ya, then what?  Bam, lights out, that's what."  Space Pants licked his paw and used it to clean his face.  "Well, whaddaya waiting for?  Open the chests already."

The chest on the left contained some personal affects, including a rose gold amulet worth at least 50g.  On the right, the chest appeared empty... at first, that is.  As Zumies watched, a shadow passed over the bottom of the chest, and where once was nothing now sat a stone slab.

"What...?  Did the wraith do that?"

"Hey!  That looks like the tablet I found in my bag the other night!  What was it about... 'The Deified Furnace?'"

"It's Severedcoils again," Zumies said, able to read Dwarvish.  "Listen to this..."

Spoiler: "From the History of Severedcoils - The Shy Broker" (click to show/hide)

14th Limestone, 201, Early Autumn
-------------



The traders have arrived!  Let's hope we have enough encrusted rock crafts to make good use of them.



I count over our trade goods.  Have I miscounted again?  No, I'm sure of it... Something has made off with our yellow zircons.  Blast!  If only we had the manpower to move it indoors... It was probably that rhesus macaque I spotted earlier.



As I approached the caravan, I noticed a very unusual sight indeed!  Asob, possibly the shyest lady of our bunch, was talking with the traders!

Asob and I like to joke about how our little band seemed to have been named after us, whether intentionally or not.  Obok gave us the name "The Crypts of Castles."  My name is Zon 'Castleweakened,' and Asob is called 'Cryptsieges.'  What are the odds?  We've had only a little time to chat between work, but from what I've gathered she doesn't much like crowds - and the trade depot being our designated meeting area, it seems the last place she'd be!  She was separated from her parents during the New Granite's Day Parade as a wee child, and spent the rest of her childhood in an orphanage.  'Tis very sad, but seeing her overcome those fears by herself to go establish our first trade relations...

Part of me wants to intervene, because I'm afraid she won't make the right choices... but I'm sure she would hate me for it.  I suppose I'll wait and see...

Ten mugs, five harps, five toys, and nine other crafts got us a full bin of leather, a bag each of plump helmet spawn and cave wheat seeds, a cat cage to replace the one that stupidly attacked a rat several times its own size, and a giant cave spider silk thread.  I wonder about the silk... We already have some and this was a huge investment, but then I see their faces and I understand.  She wants the traders to know that they will always make profit here if they bring the good, costlier silk.  Besides, it can be turned around into something more expensive later.  Impressive, Asob.

"Excuse me, but are you the manager here?"  The trade liaison hails me.

"Yes, ma'am!  You're talking to the Zon Rimtarothil, regional fishing champ and outpost manager of Zursulbalad!"

She looked around at the ponds outside, then snickered.  "This region?  My, I bet that was a thrilling competition, hoo hoo!"

"Well, now!  There's no need to be rude!"

"Sorry, some say my humor takes some getting used to.  I meant nothing by it.  My name is Unib Tunrithlut, and I will be your liaison to the mountainhome."

"Splendid.  Speaking of which, do you know when we might be expecting immigrants?"

Unib narrowed her eyes and looked at me down the bridge of her nose.  "Why?  This place getting too hard for you to handle already, hoo hoo?"

"Was that some of your award-winning humor as well?"

She began to answer, and then--

"Zon!  Zon, come quick!  I've found something!"

It was Asob's voice.  Oh, wonderful!  Perhaps she's found some gems, maybe something a bit more precious than sunstone?



Oh, dear...

Edward tapped his foot.  "Something's not right about this, I can't quite place it--"

A ghastly howl interrupted the bard, followed by the choking gasps of a zombie having its breath taken away.

"Aw, crap - Cutter 2!"

Space Pants ran outside the room, just in time to see the zombified Durnn surrounded by the wraith and its specters.  The wraith reached its hand inside the zombie, and its body deflated at the touch.  As the hobgoblin's corpse fell, his spirit rose up, gnashing its teeth and screeching in rage, tinted red with fury.  Another victim added to its army, the wraith flew through the walls to its lair, whisking past Sergei with its three specters in tow.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Yikes!" said the dragonborn.  "Let's stick together..."

Ignoring sound advice, Space Pants walked over to Durnn's corpse and kicked it.  "C'mon, get up Cutter.  You're lettin' us all down."

"Rats," said ratNAROk.  "Guess you'll have to wait until tomorrow for Nightcaller to work again, right?"

"Nah, it works fine."  Space Pants walked up to Bubb and blew the whistle in its face.  "Go on, on to the next room!  We've got lootin' to do."

The metallic swarm host leveled its glowing eyes at the sorcerer.  "That didn't work.  I am not under your command."

"But you're gonna do it, aren't ya?  Go on, you first!"

Meepo picked a key off the corpse of the zombie hammerer.  "This must go to south door - but we miss room across hall.  Let's check there before we go!"

"Hang on," said Sergei.  "These halls... they aren't symmetrical.  Almost as if there should be another room here."

"Ah, good eye!" Zumies nodded.  "You check out here, I'll see about the walls inside."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Hmph," Sergei snorted.  Using the power of his Sentinel's Shield, Sergei had an easier time perceiving things, but was certain there was nothing to find. "It would seem I'm mistaken."

"Nah, you're not wrong," the rogue said confidently.  "These rich snobs definitely have a secret room around here somewhere.  I can feel it.  Keep your eyes peeled!"

Across the hall, they had already checked the tax collector's office and dining room, but the southern chamber appeared to be his bedroom.  Two coffers, one of chalk and one of olivine, both +finely crafted+, sat in the southwestern corner.  A thorough search turned up no traps, a half-dozen empty aluminum flasks, and another empty chest.  As before, a shadow passed by, and another stone tablet appeared in the empty space.

"Are we sure it's the wraith doing that?" said Meepo.  "I didn't see it come in here..."

"Well," Zumies looked over the tablet with apprehension, "let's see what this one says..."

Spoiler: "From the History of Severedcoils - The Dragon Approaches" (click to show/hide)

17th Sandstone, 205, Mid-Autumn
-------------

Erush Eddudlikot, one of our rangers, came running to me, out of breath, face stricken with panic.

"Zon!  Zon, there's.... something..."  I couldn't even make out what she was saying, as she was panting too heavily.

"Spit it out, Erush.  What is it?"

"Saw... something... coming... this way..."

"What?  Another siege?  We already fought one this season."

"No!  Worse... worse!!"

"What??"

The next words out of her mouth made the hairs of my beard stand on end.



"Everybody inside!!  Military, to your posts!  Prepare yourselves for the worst!!  Wall off the gate so the caravan can't leave!"

The traders from Subetrovod, the Swift Arches, looked at me in shock - as if they didn't understand the danger they would be in if they left now!  No matter, there wasn't time to explain.  I prepared the military to stand by near the gates.  But then, I had an idea...

The new cage traps!  What incredible timing!!  It's extremely risky, but... it just might work! 

((DFMA)) ((Movie)) I pull the military back further inside and wait...

Zumies blinked, and his eyes grew wide.  "This... image is moving.  But I don't understand what I'm looking at..."

Edward watched the image with wonder.  "I think that's the dragon Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare - or 'Nelare Flickersizzles the Glowing Silvers,' in Common - headed straight for the front gate of Severedcoils and... walking right into a cage trap?"

"What?"  Meepo couldn't believe his ears - Nelare, the very dragon revered by his tribe and to whom the Sunken Citadel was dedicated, was alive?  And captured?  By a mere suspended cage trap? 

Alefgard peeked over Zumies shoulder.  "Eh?  Does that say 'Sandstone 205?'  ...And the other, 'Limestone 201?'"

Zumies said, "Oh, you can read Dwarvish too?"

"Yeah, and I can tell time.  Today's 6th Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer, assuming I've counted our rest hours correctly.  Yusdrayl made it very clear that this chamber has been sealed for at least a century, but this tablet is only a little over a decade old."

"Oh," said Edward.  "...Oh."

"Sealed behind a door, locked with a special key, which itself was sealed in a tomb with a troll, which in turn was behind a riddle, some traps, and another key that only Yusdrayl herself had," Bubb droned.  "Impossible.  These tablets could not have originated here."

"Something's reaching out to us for help..." the realization sent a chill down ratNAROk's spine.

"Sounds like some parallel dimension distress call shenanigans to me," Bubb agreed, remembering the meddling of the quasit as they had entered the troll dragonpriest's tomb.

"Sure looks like a parallel dimension," said Zumies, turning the animated tablet upside down to see if he could get the image to change and display something else.

Alefgard takes a long drag from his pipe.  "But what even is reality, man?"

Space Pants looked at the wizard's pipe.  "Hey, who said you could have catnip?  Ah, nevermind.  You're alright, book-boy."

"Come on, let's go!"  Meepo urged the party on, eager to see what more could be learned of his beloved Nelare.  "The key must go to this door over there, by the stairs!  Let's prepare ourselves for whatever's hiding behind there."

"I can tell you what's back there," Alefgard shivered as he remembered the wraith's hand coming for him through the wall, right next to that very door.  "It ain't gonna be pretty."

[KenboCalrissian]

8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

"Do you think we have time for a short rest?" Bubb asked.  Though Bubb himself hadn't been damaged yet, he knew others had taken a beating.

"Mmm... do you think those ghosts will let us?  They could ambush us through the walls," said Edward.

"Then let's keep going," squeaked ratNAROk.  "We've got it on the run, let's finish the job!"

"And clean this place out while we're at it!"  Zumies' moonstone earrings sparkled in the torchlight.  With the rose gold amulet recently added to his jewelry collection, he was finding himself quite satisfied with the trip so far.  He only hoped the party wasn't keeping track of everything he was picking up.

Sergei put his claw on the southern door and pushed.  The stone door refused to budge.  "It's locked."

"You gotta use the knob, tough guy," said Alefgard.

Sergei tried the knob, but it wouldn't turn.  "I told you, it's locked."

"Yeah but you didn't-- okay."

"Meepo has the key."  The kobold came forward with the key he had pilfered from the corpse of the zombified hammerer.  The key turned, and the lock clicked.  "There!  Now you try."

Sergei stepped back, then kicked the door with all his might.  The door shuddered and came off its hinges, but not entirely - the door was now jammed shut.

"The knob, meathead!"  The wizard stifled a chuckle.  "Guess we're not going that way anymore."

Alerted by the sound of the door being kicked in, half a dozen moans crept up from the hallway beyond, as shambling footsteps shuffled toward them.

"Like hell we aren't," said the dragonborn.  Snorting flames from his nostrils, Sergei grabbed the sides of the door between his arms and yanked it clean off its hinges.  Six zombie guards shambled towards them from the hallway beyond.  Down one length of the hall stood a row of statues of elven warriors holding longswords, carved of the same red-veined marble as the halls upstairs.  Sergei heaved the door into the hallway, smashing it into the nearest zombie.  "Knock knock!"

Space Pants locked eyes with one of the zombies, and filled its head with Dissonant Whispers.  "This is all Zumies' fault.  This is all Zumies' fault.  It's the elf doing this, not the cool and funny cat.  Tell them Zumies did this."  The zombie groaned and fell over, its legs kicking as though trying to walk on its side, until twitching and lying still.

"Save the high-level stuff for the big guy," Bubb cautioned.

"I don't remember commanding you to speak."  Space Pants blew Nightcaller in the cleric's face.  "Cutter, use Toll the Dead."

"I-- I was going to do that anyway!"  Flies welled up from the joints of the warforged's frame, buzzing agitatedly.

"Back off!"  Edward rushed through the door, raised his lute, and struck a heavy riff on its strings.  A cacophonous Thunder Wave echoed through the hall, slamming the front three zombies with sonic force.  One was pushed back, but two of them held their place and continued their advance.

"Uh... crap!"  The bard backed himself into the corner, putting one of the statues between himself and the horde.  "A little help here?"

"Let 'em come," ratNAROk sneered.  The mousefolk barbarian leapt onto the shoulders of Sergei, readying his newly acquired, silvered, masterwork short sword.  A zombie shuffled towards the door, and ratNAROk struck at it with his readied blade.  "Yeah, just like that!  Bring 'em on!"

"Here, let me help you guys out with that."  Alefgard placed a hand on the dragonborn's shoulder, and Sergei doubled in size. 

"Woah!  That's more like it!"  Sergei thrust his giant weapon through the doorway and cut down the zombie ratNAROk had started.  "Thanks, little one!"

"No, no, no!  You're too big now!"  Meepo danced around in a frenzy.  With so much happening right in the doorway, it was getting difficult to draw a line of sight to target enemies with his spells.

Edward turned at the commotion.  Seeing Sergei's large frame blocking the door, he realized he was exposed in the hallway, and the backup he thought he'd had might be slow to reach him.  It was then, of all the worst times, that the howling of specters filled the air.

From between the statues, the wraith of the Baroness Mebzuth Logemīdath and her specters swooped in.  The specters filled the space around the wraith to protect her as she raised yet another specter from a fallen zombie.  Once it was done, the wraith directed the spirit of Durnn to attack Edward.  The hobgoblin specter flew over top of the elven statue and slashed at the bard with a claw that looked like a ghastly blade, but missed. 

Seizing an opportunity of distraction, the wraith reached out a spectral hand towards the statue.  The stone moved, and without warning, the statue swung its stone sword at Edward!  Caught unawares, the blunt, but hardened sword struck Edward in his chest, knocking him back against the wall.

"That wraith has lair actions!" fretted Meepo.

Two zombies followed up with that attack - one struck Edward with its mace.  The other dropped its maul and lunged at Edward, grabbing at him with rotten hands.

"Ack-- no, no!"  The zombies, the specter, even the statue he thought would protect him had all swarmed him at once.  All this has transpired in a few seconds - and the doorway out and to his allies was still blocked by Sergei's massive frame. 

Overwhelmed by the risen dead, Edward faced his own mortality in that moment.  A memory flashed before his eyes - That one wonderful night he had spent cavorting and drinking, coming home to an empty house and thinking nothing of it, then being greeted the next morning mid-hangover by the captain of the town guard, his brother's helm in his hands.

"Thomas... Thomas!"  Edward screamed, and collapsed to the floor, trembling in the fetal position.  He had embarked on this journey to run from his pain, but soon, it would no longer matter.  Soon, he would join his brother in the grave.  He didn't even feel the zombie's teeth as it bit into his shoulder.

"Edward!!"  Alefgard shouted.  His friend, the bard who had invited him into his home after his brother's death, to whom he had taught the basics of magic from what he had learned at the mage's academy before flunking out, was in trouble.  "What the hell... Baboon!  Get in there.  Now!"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The baboon he had summoned earlier screeched, sensing the urgency of the situation.  To get through the door, the monkey leapt onto Sergei's chest and launched itself from there onto the face of the zombie that had struck Edward with its mace, tearing hair and flesh from its scalp and bringing it down over the body of another zombie.

Zumies looked for an opening, but the confined space was too tight for him to get in with his daggers.  "Normal weapons haven't been working against those specters... but this crossbow is magical.  Not a normal weapon, is it?"  The rogue took aim at one of the specters, but the bolt struck the side of the doorframe.  "Drats... I don't have a shot!"

Bubb moved his head to see around Sergei's massive arm.  The floor was full of zombies, but the specter over the statue gave him an idea.  "Reinforcements!"  Bubb raised his holy symbol, and a spiritual saber with giant fly wings appeared next to the specter and swung down at the zombies surrounding Edward.

"That's not what I told you to cast!"

Bubb began to cast Toll the Dead, then realized that was exactly what Space Pants had told him to cast earlier.  "I was going to-- but not because you told me-- Argh, shut up, cat!"  The spell hit one of the specters, but did minimal damage due to the distraction.

Sergei reached through the doorway, but couldn't quite reach to pull the zombies off of Edward.  "Blast... Edward!  Hang in there!  Don't give up!"  Sergei hoped his Rallying Cry would give the bard enough will to hang on long enough for them to provide support.

"You're big and scaly but have short, stubby arms," ratNAROk quipped.  "Like a T-rex!  Rarr!"

Sergei stabbed through the door with his masterwork longsword again.  Even though the specter he hit resisted the damage from his mundane sword, the dragonborn attacked with such fury that he was able to disperse the ghost anyway.  "Furry one, I can handle myself here.  Get in there for Edward!"

"Loud and clear!"  ratNAROk's fur glowed a bright, radiant gold as he leapt off of Sergei's shoulder, squeaking as his short swords found purchase in another zombie.  The zombie remained standing, however, and with surprising speed, turned and bit the mouse on the hand.  "Yeowch!  Oh, that burns... I mean-- hah!  Is that all you got?"

Patiently waiting for his moment, Meepo spotted the wraith moving in towards Edward, just as Sergei backed up to line up another strike.  "The perfect window-- Now, Guiding Bolt!"  A bolt of radiant energy shot from the kobold's holy symbol.  The wraith covered its face and blocked some of the damage, but was still spooked by the radiant energy.  The specters all turned towards the wraith in reaction, knowing it was time to flee.

"You ain't getting away without a parting gift."  Space Pants locked onto the wraith in its moment of fear, and wracked its mind with more Dissonant Whispers.  "Remember, this is all Zumies' fault.  Oh yeah, and Erky's a cold-blooded killer.  Hang on a second."  The felis sorcerer finished his spell, then turned to check on their gnome prisoner.  "Hey.  You gonna get in here or what?"

Erky, who had been sneaking towards the stairs during the distraction, jumped as his captor noticed.  "Y-yeah, right on it!"  Erky attempted a Sacred Flame on the wraith, but missed.  "Whoops..."

Space Pants tsked.  "You'll never be as good as Cutter.  We're gonna have to put you back in that cage for your insubordinance."

Erky clenched his fists.  "Just you wait and see... You'll pay for this."

"Not before you pay for all those people you killed!  Now quit distractin' me."  The cat turned back towards the mayhem before him.  "Man, Cutter 2 was such a disappointment... and Cutter 3 talks back to me.  I miss Cutter 1.  It's a shame the elf killed him."

Frightened by the radiant damage, the wraith turned and fled through the wall, taking its specters with it.  The few remaining zombies were cut down with relative ease.

"That's it?  Hah!  I'm still hungry for more."  ratNAROk cheered over the bodies of the fallen zombies.  His eyes fell upon Sergei's exposed neck.  "Hungry... hm, yeah..."

Meepo ran in to tend to Edward.  Seeing the bite was infected, he cast Lesser Restoration to remove the disease from his system.

Bubb looked to ratNAROk.  "What about you?  Were you bitten?"

"Me?" ratNAROk turned his body to hide the bite on his hand.  "Nah, I'm fine!  Save your magic."

Even after being healed, Edward remained trembling on the floor.  Seeing Edward was in a terrible state. Alefgard cast Mage Hand. The hand strummed a familiar tune on Edward's lute.  His ears perked.  The tune wasn't quiiiiite right. The hand tried again and just couldn't get the right chord... The mage hand slammed itself against the wall in frustration.  The hand tried one more time and the correct chords came flowing from the lute.  All at once, Edward stopped trembling.  "Home..."  The bard sat up, coughed, dusted himself off, and stood.  "Thank you, friend..."

"Of course.  We should talk next time we rest.  Can't have you going catatonic on us like that.  Where am I gonna go if I lose you?"

"Oh, you'll find somebody else to mooch off of.  I have faith in ya."  Eager to take the focus off of what just happened, Edward nodded to the door across the hall.  "What's in there?"

Bubb opened the door.  A single zombie stood in the room, its back facing him.  Flies shot out of the metal frame and swarmed the zombie, devouring its rotten flesh in seconds.  "It's clear.  Let's take a look."

The room appeared to be an opulently decorated bedroom belonging to some noble.  There were engravings on every wall and floor tile.  Zumies looked around and studied one of the engravings of note.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"What an odd thing to have engraved in the bedroom of an elven noble..."

"Hey, thief," Meepo said excitedly to Zumies, "look over here!  Some shiny chests for you.  You like chests, right?"

Sure enough, in the corner of the room were a pair of chests.  One was lined with gold, and the other electrum.  "You're right, I do like chests."  Zumies moved closer to inspect them, and quickly noticed the odd-looking mechanism around the latch.  "Huh, lined with gold and electrum... oh, I see what this is."  Zumies summoned his mage hand and picked up his thieves' tools with it.  Zumies inserted the pick into the lock and - bzzt! - the metal lining sparked with electricity for a moment.  He did the same with the second chest, which also buzzed with the setting off of a shock trap. 

"Should be safe now!"  Zumies opened the first chest.  Like before, the chest appeared to be empty, but a shadow passed by, and then there was a stone tablet.  "Again with these messages... Let's see what this one says."

Spoiler: "From the History of Severedcoils - The Peculiar Liaison" (click to show/hide)

15th Opal, 201, Mid-Winter
-------------



I had a horrible time sleeping last night.  Unib took over Urdim's bedroom to wait in while I slept.  Apparently, she needed time to finalize some documents and have me sign off on The Swift Arches' requests of us.  I don't think she slept at all... in fact, she came in several times through the night to ask if I was done sleeping.  What is with this girl?!

I wake up, order the miners to widen the main entrance in preparation for my defense plans, and pick up my axe to do some chopping. 



A bowyer's shop is created on the craft level, along with stockpiles for ammo, weapons, and armor.  Meanwhile, I make use of the leather shops I had constructed below and request two full sets of leather armor to be made.  I make sure to leave a few rolls of leather in case one of us becomes possessed or something.

Another thought occurs... Eventually, we're going to find that magma pipe, and when we do we're going to need power for some pumps later on.  I have our miners dig up a few more levels and create a gear room near the surface.  It's little more than an empty room with a hole in it for now, but I plan on creating a network of windmills pushing power down a few central axles.  The first of these - a proof of concept, if you will - will be used to power a mill or two in the room next to the bowyer's shop.

Unib is still following me... Fine, I've had it.  I drop my axe with a clatter, hold out my hands for the documents, and look them over.  Apparently they want shields and earrings, and a few other things.  I sign the documents and hand them back to her.

"It's been fun, Zon!"  Unib patted her papers down on the floor to straighten them out.  "Ah, if only I had more time to follow you around and watch you work.  You're fascinating, you know that?"

"Um.  Yeah.  Well, hey, before you know it, next year will be here... you'll be back... and I'll get to lose a little more of my mind!"

Unib cocked her head, then laughed.  "Oh!  I thought you were serious there for a second!  It seems my poor sense of humor is rubbing off on you, hoo hoo!"

"Joking.  Yeah, sure.  Don't get eaten by Azinnietoes, or whatever the hell you called it."

"Azinidos.  You know, Zon, it's very important to give your enemy a name.  It drives you to vengeance."

"Vengeance isn't always a good thing..."

"It is when it expedites the death of a dangerous animal!  Don't dawdle, giant bats are no laughing matter!"

"Ah.  Well... Bye."

Unib hugged me without warning.  Sighing, I patted her on the back, then watched her leave.  Finally she was gone.  Her words, though, got me thinking.  It's time to get some weapons and take out that winged rodent.

Zumies puzzled over the document.  "There must be a purpose to the messages we're seeing.  These aren't just random log entries... they seem to be introducing us to key people and events of our employers.  But is any of it really significant?"

Space Pants sat down inside the empty box.  "Nooo, of course not.  It's probably just some infomercial.  Next one's gonna have an order form attached to it.  'Buy our Coils, freshly Severed!'"

"Unib..." Alefgard put a finger to his chin.  "Could that be the same...?"

"Guys, look."  Bubb had opened the second chest, and pulled from it an odd device.  A bone idol in the shape of an ankh with many threads and beads tied within the circular section, the cleric held the object with care.  "I don't believe it.  This is a very special idol crafted by the priests of my deity, Zokun, the god of war, death, birth, and rebirth.  This is a Soulcatcher.  If we take ten minutes, we can perform a ritual that will attune this device to us.

"We?" said Edward.

"Everyone gather around in a circle.  Search for your heart's desire, and then say aloud the one thing you would miss the most if you were to die today.  Once the ritual is complete, this idol can be used to save one of us from death.  If any one of us die, our soul will be captured within this idol.  I can then channel any healing spell through it to place your soul back in your body and bring you back to life."

"That sounds useful," said Alefgard.  "I'd like to see my parents again... even though I'd rather not."

"I will hunt the raiders who destroyed my village," said ratNAROk, "and I won't rest until I've killed them all."

"Entertaining the masses," said Edward.  "The day I can no longer put a smile on a woman's face will be a sad day indeed."

"My children and my wife," said Sergei.  The fighter did not elaborate.

"My crown!"  Meepo touched the platinum crown on his head.

"Personally, I'd be glad if my life were over," said Zumies.  Everyone, even Space Pants, turned to look at the rogue with concern.  "Everyone picks on me wherever I go for being a half-elf.  I do this kind of work to get away from the world - trust only myself.  Death would be a mercy."

"I would miss the voices of my brethren and my Empress," said Bubb, changing the subject.  "I have not known silence since... ever.  The very thought of being disconnected is... well, I'd rather not dwell on it."

"Empress?  What empress?"  Space Pants looked confused.  "...Oh, right.  Your fly queen or whatever."

"And what would you miss, Space Pants?" asked Bubb.

"I miss Cutter 1," said Space Pants.

"Try to be serious..."

Space Pants looked about to reply with another smart remark, but just then, Erky reached for the idol and grabbed it.  As he did so, he locked eyes with Space Pants.

"I will not - I refuse to die, until I've seen you brought to justice."

As the gnome spoke his heart's desire, the idol flashed with a white light.  The Soulcatcher sat in Bubb's hands, warm to the touch.  The device was charged, loaded with the final wishes of each member of the party - and Erky, defiant, smiled for the first time since he'd been taken prisoner by the party.

[KenboCalrissian]

8 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Erky," Space Pants said, both indignant and surprised, "What are you talking about?  What do you think happened?"

"What do I think-- I think you're insane!"  The gnome's pent up rage boiled over.  "I tried to run away because you pulled a knife on me, and you had your skeleton chase me down!"

"You watch what you say about 'Cutter.'"

"The name of the corpse you awakened from the dead was Kol Ducimokil.  Out of the lot, you chose the one that wasn't even a fighter.  'Coal,' as he was called in life, was a mason.  He was buried with that sword out of respect, not because he knew how to use it.  'Cutter' was the unseasoned recruit entombed next to him, and his name was Fikod Mistęmiklist.  All of this information was there in that tomb for you to find, if you had any reverence at all for the lives you implicate in your schemes."

"Now you're borin' me.  I don't have to take this from a killer."

"I'm not the killer.  You are.  I woke up from a skeleton attack, hallucinating fairies and gelatinous cubes from the mushrooms you shoved down my throat, covered in blood you said was from goblins I killed."

"That's right.  We all saw it.  Isn't that right, guys?"

The party stood in silence, no one speaking up to back Space Pants' claim.  "I didn't see it," Meepo said eventually.

"Meepo you are a treasure therefore I refuse to be mad at you, but that doesn't help my case."

"Ah-hah!"  Erky exclaimed. 

"What about that kobold you killed, eh Erky?  Everybody saw you kill that kobold with your bare hands, remember?"

"I killed him," Meepo said.  "He was mean to Meepo's friends.  And Meepo."

"Meepo you are the sweetest cinnamon roll and I would die if anything ever happened to you.  Shut up."

"You want to know what I saw?"  Erky bit and wouldn't let go.   "I saw you cutting down women and children.  For fun.  While everyone else was dealing with the fighters, you specifically went out of your way to kill the innocents.  And somehow, you believe you have the moral high ground with which to judge me?!"  He pointed at the others.  "And you all just let it happen, like it's funny to you!"

"Watch what you say about Meepo's friends," Meepo threatened.  "Remember what happen to last guy who was mean to Meepo's friends?"

The cleric barbarian gnome faltered.  "Y-you wouldn't.  Not little Meepo, no..."

"Erky, Erky, Erky," the cat spoke in a calm tone, "You gotta understand, I had to send that skeleton after you.  It was for your own protection.  We didn't know what you planned to do out there on your own.  I don't think you should be left alone."

Erky heaved a heavy sigh.  "A party so lost such as yourselves... It's clear you need guidance.  Why should it be me to guide you?  Well... perhaps you have something to teach me as well... About how the world really works."

"Yeah, see, now we're seein' eye to eye."  Space Pants's tail twitched.  "You put your hand in the circle and made a wish with the rest of us, that means you're family now, like it or not."

"A family that slays together stays together," Edward chimed in.

Erky glowered.  He counted - yep, still eight against one - and resigned himself.  "What choice do I have?  This is the path that Thrathdad the Morals of Authority has set me upon, and I am not one to question her wisdom.  Like it or not, I am an extension of her influence in this matter, and I must accept my role.  I am compelled to accompany you... but I don't have to enjoy it."

"That's what I'm talkin' about."  To celebrate, Space Pants mimicked the voice of Momuz Freeman in Erky's head again.  "And so, the young gnome came to accept a hard truth about himself - that he was not as innocent as he would have liked to believe.  Life can be a cruel mistress, but one would do well to take her lessons to heart."

"I swear to Thrathdad if you don't knock that off..."

"This has been fun," said Sergei, "but let us continue our search.  Those ghosts could come back at any moment."

Alefgard stared at the engraving Zumies had spotted earlier.  "Ilre Honestlead the Portentous Vandal of Names... The name rings a bell.  Born in 65, the eldest son of Thimeth Blazedcolor and Ago Tattooedrites.  Like many in this region, he was kidnapped by goblins as a child, enslaved, and raised to fight for them.  In 74 he was abducted from Paddlednightmares and imprisoned in Sinclosed, by 77 he took up residence in The Citadel of Dread and became a farmer.  He married Ber Raspwitches the Certain Flare of Wrath in 80, in 81 he committed his first murder, and in 82 he began worshipping the demon Azstrog Swelterheat the Warm Doom.  In 94, Ilre decided to become a baby-snatcher, continuing the very same cycle that created him.  By the time he was murdered in 108 by Osta Worldtorments the Sinful Dale of Canyons - a childhood friend who had been abducted from Paddlednightmares in the same raid as Ilre, but settled elsewhere and eventually betrayed Ilre for clout - Ilre had abducted seven children and killed thirty-two elves, humans, and dwarves.  Mostly elves."

Everyone stopped for some time.  Eventually, Meepo spoke up.  "Wow!  You got all that from a drawing on the floor?"

"I got all that from goofing off while I should have been studying magic."

"At least you were studying something!" said Edward.

"Okay, next room."  ratNAROk kicked open the door to the adjacent room.  The noble's office next door was similarly opulently decorated, with engravings on every surface, a weapon rack, a mannequin, and a superior quality *chalk table* and *chalk chair*.

Meepo immediately walked over to the table and hopped up into the chair.  "So this is what a baron feels like - or maybe even a dragonpriest?" The kobold adjusted the platinum crown on his head.

ratNAROk inspected the mannequin.  Draped over its shoulder was a dusty, but well-crafted robe of noble quality.  The purple suede was lined with bright silver seams, and filled with a thick padding.  Though it made a swishing sound as it moved, the robe fit comfortably over the barbarian's body without impeding him like armor typically would.  "Oh yeah... Now we're stylin'."

Zumies picked over the weapon stand, his pilfered moonstone earrings jingling as he searched for more jewels to add to his collection.  On the weapon stand he found a longsword, rusted and decrepit with age, but bearing an emerald set in its pommel.  Perhaps the gem could be removed, or maybe the weapon could be cleaned and sold at a higher price.  The half-elf's eyes caught something else before he was finished.

"Oh, what do we have here... a wand!"

"A wand?"  Alefgard got excited.  "Let me see that."  The wand was a straight piece of wood carved from yew.  There was an engraving of a sun carved where one would place their thumb.  "Ah... it's..." The wizard rubbed the back of his neck.  "...A wand, alright."

"Here, give me ten minutes and I can identify it," Edward offered.

"Thanks."  Alefgard handed over the wand, slightly embarassed to have his shoddy studies put on display.

Everyone gathered around in the dining room while the ritual took place - that is, except for Space Pants.  The felis sorcerer had stayed in the bedroom, not moving from his place sitting in the box where the tablet had been found.

"Who does Erky think he is... I made you, kid.  You'd be nothing without me.  I wish Cutter were here."

ooooOOOOOooooooOOOOooo.  Five minutes into the ritual, the sounds of howling spirits reverberated through the complex once again.

"Away from the walls," Alefgard warned. 

"They could come from anywhere," said Bubb.  "Ready yourselves."

As everyone readied an action in the dining room, Space Pants pulled the lid of the chest shut over his head in the bedroom, holding it open just a peek so he could see out.

"Please go over there, please go over there, please go over there--"

Moments later, three specters flew into the bedroom, surrounding the corpse of the zombie Bubb had slain earlier, taking up posts right next to Space Pants.

"That's alright, I already have another character drawn up."  Space Pants jumped out of the chest, surprising the specters and casting Dissonant Whispers to try and cause one to flee.  The specter shrugged it off, however, and all three turned on the cat.

"There they are-- now!"  Bubb launched a Guiding Bolt through the doorway at the specter of Durnn, obliterating him with radiant energy.  Alefgard tried Hideous Laughter, but the specter was too angry to react to it.  Edward fired his shortbow, but the shot went wide and clipped the side of the doorframe.

"I can't believe I'm doing this... but even I wouldn't wish the fate of a specter on that cat.  Resist!"  Erky held up his symbol of Thrathdad and cast Bless, aiding Space Pants, Sergei, and ratNAROk with divine guidance.

The specters retaliated by swarming their nearest target, all three trying to rip the soul from Space Pants's body.  The cat took one chilly claw to the chest, but survived - no thanks to Erky - and shut himself in the box again before the other two could hit him.

Their entrance announced, the wraith followed soon after, going straight for the body of the fallen zombie and raising it as another specter.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Better run, ghosts!"  ratNAROk charged in, his new purple robe flowing behind him, his fur glowing, and his voice squeaking as he channeled divine furry fury.  The wraith resisted the damage of his blade, but the added radiant energy did the full amount of its damage.

Bubb whispered an incantation, and a Spiritual Weapon - a longsword with giant fly wings - appeared on the other side of the wraith of the baroness and struck her with force damage.  Alefgard followed up by launching an Ice Knife into the same space, which splintered and struck each specter and the wraith with ice shrapnel, but stopping short at the chest before hitting Space Pants.  The baboon summoned from his Bag of Tricks screeched and lunged at a specter, though its teeth passed through nearly harmlessly.

Zumies took aim with his crossbow from the rear of the group.  He hadn't had much luck with these ghosts yet, but he had yet to land a shot with the magic weapon to see if it fared any better.  The bolt flew true and passed clean through the wraith - but as it did so, the bolt seemed to tear a hole through its wispy form, the magic imbued into the bolt bypassing the wraith's defenses.

The spirit of the baroness Mebzuth Logemīdath howled with fury - though she had taken radiant damage, this time she chose to stay and fight rather than flee.  She commanded her specters to move before her.  The first reached through the chest and grabbed Space Pants, sapping his life force until he passed out.

"Meowr!"

The second specter swooped in over ratNAROk and clawed at his head.  Erky's blessing gave the mousefolk just enough of a boost to keep his soul in place, but the warrior still succumbed to its attack and fell.

"Squeak!"

Reveling in her apparent victory, the wraith flew up to Zumies, knowing exactly where the crossbow bolt came from.  She reached both hands into Zumie's chest and yanked, critically damaging the rogue and taking a firm grasp of his soul.

Zumies felt his life not only slipping away, but being taken and claimed by the wrathful spirit.  The words he'd spoken to the Soulcatcher rang in his ears: When asked what he would miss most if he died today, he had replied, 'It would be better if I died.'  But in this moment with his mortality put to the test... did he really believe that?  Either way, it was his life, and just because he didn't want it anymore, he wasn't about to let some dusty old ghost have it.

"Mine..."

Sergei's eyes grew wide.  He had been standing guard to attack the specters as they came in, but none had come to him - now, three party members were down before he had taken an action.  "This... this is going south very fast!"  The dragonborn puffed up his chest and yelled a rallying cry.  "ratNAROk, get up!  Stay strong!  Remember, they fear you!"

Edward followed up with a Healing Word.  "You too, Zumies, on your feet!"

"He needs more than that!"  Meepo ran into the fray, fearlessly approaching the wraith so he could put his hands on Zumies and cast Cure Wounds.  "Come on, get up, get up!  Meepo not losing any friends today."

From inside the chest came a thump.  "I'm fine, thanks for asking."  While inside the box, Space Pants couldn't be targeted with healing spells, since he could not be seen.  The cat felt himself fading, but refused to let go.  Through sheer force of will alone, Space Pants drew upon his inspiration, and critically succeeded at avoiding death.   Stable and hidden in the box, Space Pants himself couldn't target the ghosts with spells since he couldn't see them - but he could target them with spells they could hear.

"What did the very famous physicist say about the dying cat that was shut in a box and left alone to see what happened?"  Space Pants cast Dissonant Whispers on the specter that had struck him last.  "I don't know, but it was probably something about Zumies's mother.  Wait, no, that was a different guy.  But you know where I was going with that."

ratNAROk and Zumies got to their feet.  Being brought within an inch of their lives only made them fight harder.  ratNAROk cut through a specter with his dual scimitars, and its spirit dissipated into mist.  Zumies fired another shot and pierced another.

"I've got this - Fire BOLT!!" Alefgard pointed his fingers, but emphasized the incantation a bit strongly.  A mote of fire shot forth, but it exploded on impact with the wraith, spraying his allies with sparks and ash.  The wizard was about to apologize, but then he saw the wraith - flickering, trembling, unable to holds its form.

"I do got this - Baboon, finish it!!"  At Alefgard's command, the baboon rushed in and tried to sink its teeth into the apparition.  Despite the attack's overall ineffectiveness against ghosts, the wraith was on its very last ounce of strength, and the baboon's attack was the last straw that broke its back.

Mebzuth the wraith screeched, but before her spirit faded, she looked over the party one last time, and left them with a haunting premonition:

"The Barons are restless,
The Counts agree,
The Dukes demand
The King's heads three."

With that, the wraith dissipated at last.  As soon as she vanished, the remaining two specters clutched their heads, then relaxed.  Their rage subsided and their bond with the wraith broken, they floated up through the ceiling, passing on to their next life.

"Hoo, whee!"  Space Pants popped out of his chest.  "That was my favorite fight yet.  Intense from start to finish.  Bravo, ten out of ten, would wrestle ghosts again."

Zumies ran over and sat on the chest, stuffing Space Pants back inside.  "Hah!  You thought it was over?"

Space Pants cast Dissonant Whispers on Zumies through the chest.  Zumies heard the voice of his mother nagging at him to get a real job until he got off.  "Ow!  Hey, that actually hurt!"

ratNAROk leaned over and whispered to Erky.  "He is just the worst, isn't he?"

Erky glanced at Meepo, but the kobold wasn't close enough to hear what he had to say about his friends.  "Right??  Seriously, what is with that guy?  What does he really want?"

Alefgard overheard the whispered conversation between ratNAROk and Erky.  He said nothing, but made note of it.

Meepo curled up in a corner and made himself comfortable.  "Meepo out of spells.  Meepo rest now!  No more ghosts, right?"

"Good idea," said Bubb.  "Let us rest and heal.  Come, listen to my Prayer of Healing and be well."  Bubb stretched its arms, and flies shot out from its metal frame in every direction.  The flies landed on everyone and climbed everywhere - in people's noses, in people's ears, in people's mouths, in people's wounds, getting anywhere they can to nip away dead flesh and heal what they've eaten.

"I'll never get used to that," cringed Zumies.

"Hey, there's loot in here we didn't get to!"  ratNAROk kicked open the door to the next adjacent room, revealing a resplendent dining room.  In the south was a locked cabinet made of fine pewter, and to the east was a dining table and chair made of chalk.

"Ooh, a locked thingy!" Meepo eyed the cabinet with wonder.  "Mr. Elf, do your thing!"

"Nah, I got this."  ratNAROk smashed the cabinet open without waiting.  Inside, the sound of glass breaking could be heard.  "Whoops..."

"D'oh, you should've waited!"

"Nah, it's cool.  Watch!"  The mousefolk barbarian opened the cabinet.  Inside, a vial had broken open, leaving a pulsing red liquid lying on the shelf.  ratNAROk reached his head inside and lapped up the potion without bothering to find out what it was.  As he drank the Potion of Vitality, he felt energized, and his zombie bite stopped throbbing.  "Ah!  See?  Nothing to worry about, it all worked out."

Meepo stared at ratNAROk with wide-eyed wonder.  "That-- that could have been anything!  What if it turned you into a toad?"

"Then I guess I'd be toadNAROk!"

"...Wait, are you a mouse, or a rat?"

"That's for me to know and you to figure out, little guy!"

"But... but you're Meepo's size!"

"Nah."  ratNAROk flexed.  "I'm definitely bigger."  ratNAROk took a closer look inside the cabinet.  "Oh, hey, look!  This dresser's full of clothing fit for nobility.  I bet it'll fit you guys!"

"Ooh, let's have a look!"  Edward rifled through the clothes, and was overjoyed at what he found.  "Sweet, new drip just dropped!  A new hat - and look at this nice, blue cape!"

On the inner door of the cabinet was a mirror.  Alefgard looked himself over.  "Ah, it has been about a month since we set out from Severedcoils, hasn't it?  I suppose I should shave at our next rest."

The rest of the party dug through the clothes and found nice compliments or replacements to their look.  Meanwhile, Zumies snuck over to the dining table.  On it was a plate with a century-old half-eaten meal - peppered shad with a prickleberry vinaigrette , from the looks.  The food was disgusting, but the dish it was served on and the silverware next to it were fine silver.  He checked to see if anyone was looking, then scraped the food onto the floor and stuffed the plate into his bag.

"Wait, I never did get that wand identified," said Edward, having forgotten about the studded leather armor they'd found earlier in the commotion.  "Let's try to rest, shall we?"

The party settled in for a long rest - even though it had only been an hour since their last, the ordeal with the wraith had taken its toll, so they were glad to take any opportunity for healing they could. 

Edward performed the identification ritual.  "Well, well!  This turned out to be a Wand of Daylight.  It's got 37 charges remaining."

"In a row?" Alefgard asked with a smirk.

"That could come in handy against certain undead," said Bubb.  "Hold onto that."

"Better be careful with that around Meepo," said ratNAROk, nodding towards the sleeping kobold.  "His kind prefer to stay out of direct sunlight."

The party set up three watches for a long rest.  The first two watches were quiet.  During the third watch, Meepo perked up.

"Alefgard," Meepo said to the wizard, who had shared third watch with him.  "I heard something.  Someone opened a door out there!"

"Yep, it's about time to get up anyway."  Alefgard and Meepo roused the party, but they went undisturbed for the rest of their rest.


9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Sergei munched on his breakfast - a +cat tallow biscuit+ from the supplies provisioned by Severedcoils - and ruminated.  "We were supposed to arrive at this Citadel by the summer solstice, were we not?  And we arrived a couple of days before... How many hours have we now rested?"

"What's it matter?" said Space Pants.  "We're gettin' paid either way, right?"

"Not if that apple isn't here by the time we reach the bottom.  Remember, the goblins will likely take the apple to the surface to sell it in town.  If we don't get to the tree by then, we may be too late."

"That sounds like a 'then' problem.  You gotta learn to focus on 'now' problems.  Or 'last night' problems, like when I got too hot while I was sleeping."

"You stole my bedroll," complained Erky.  "And I bet it's your fault I spent the night dreaming Momuz Freeman was narrating my life."

"I don't know what you're talking about.  Are you obsessing over pop stars now?  That might be a sign of a serial killer."

Erky just sighed and shook his head.  "I'm never going to be able to watch the play The Bucket Register again."

"What about Shark Shank Redemption?  That's a good one, too.  I hear your favorite actor's in it."

Erky's lip twitched.  "Can we just get going now?!"

"Wait a minute," Edward said with a smirk, "Alefgard, let's go find the dirty engravings.  There have to be a couple around here."

Alefgard chuckled and looked at the floor.  "This one's just an '8' with a bunch of equals signs after it, followed by a big 'D.'"  As he was goofing off, however, a certain engraving did catch his eye, to his shock:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Edward caught Alefgard staring.  "What is it?"

Alefgard chuckled nervously.  "Uh, bro, this lady ate somebody."

"What??"

"Yeah.  Ugrad Tirekissed the Mighty Healing?  Totally devoured the elf Imere Beastgangs in Sinclosed in 165.  And Salķ Neutralwave, the elf depicted here, had both her eyes gouged out by our hellion friend here.  Same story, she was snatched by goblins, taken to Sinclosed, and raised to be loyal to the goblins."

"Sucks to be her," said ratNAROk.  "Goblinkind rarely live to old age.  If they're not killed by some hero, they're usually killed by their own over some petty dispute."

Alefgard shrugged.  "Ugrad here got lucky.  Born 102, died 198 of old age.  Fourteen kills to her name, never brought to justice."

The party was quiet for the moment.  Meepo said, "I've lived in this area my whole life.  Goblins always snatching babies, but up here in the Northwest of Buzong Xömlox, the goblin raiding has been especially bad for a very long time."

"198?  That's only 14 or 15 years ago," said Edward.  "This is still going on?"

"Oh, yes," Meepo nodded.  "It not stopping any time soon."

"These dates are weird again," said ratNAROk.  "I'm starting to think Yusdrayl lied to us about nobody coming up here for a hundred years."

"Then why's there so much untouched loot here?" questioned Alefgard.

"All the more reason to clear the goblins out of this den and get the hell out of here," said ratNAROk.  "Come on, let's not waste any more time!"

The party peeked out into the hallway.  All was clear.  There was no sign of any movement in the hallway - at least, none that anyone noticed.  Space Pants walked by the first two doors and decided to open the last one on the right first.

"Why'd you pick that door?" Alefgard asked.

"Watch and learn."  Space Pants strolled into the room nonchalant.

Alefgard turned to Erky.  "He doesn't really know why he picked that door.  He just wants to be a tough guy."

"Hey, look, the tough guy found treasure," Space Pants called back from the now-open room.  "What do you know?"

This room appeared to be another dining room, similarly decorated with rich engravings.  Beside the cabinet on the north wall sat a large pet bed with the skeleton of a cheetah on it.  To the south was another weapon and armor stand combo.

"Meepo check this out!"  Meepo looked over the armor stand.  On it he found a quiver containing five Walloping crossbow bolts.

"That's nice," said Space Pants, checking the weapon stand.  "I got a stick.  Anybody want it?"

Alefgard looked over.  Space Pants had found a moderately nice quarterstaff.  While intriguing, the wizard was more interested in what was happening with the cabinet.

Zumies picked the lock on the cabinet with ease - even though it was a difficult lock, the rogue made short work of it like it was easy.  Inside the cabinet was a vial with a perfume sprayer attached.  He inspected the spray bottle.  On it was a label that read, 'For bad kitties.'

"Huh."  Zumies shrugged, turned to Space Pants, and sprayed the bottle in his face.  The cat sputtered, but then stopped what he was doing and stared at Zumies, awaiting his command.

The half-elf didn't know what to make of this at first, but as he realized what was happening, a smile crept across his face; This spray bottle functioned as though it had cast the spell Command on its target, meaning Space Pants would be compelled to obey the next word Zumies said.  "Friend."

"Oh Zumies, I'm so happy you're here with us."  For the next six seconds, Space Pants ingratiated himself to Zumies as he rubbed his neck up against Zumies's leg.  "I don't know what we'd do without you.  You're so cool - even though you're an elf, I'm real happy to know what the hell is going on, no, no, forget what I just said, Zumies you suck, your treasure sucks, your whole overall deal just sucks, have you tried not being an elf." 

ratNAROk nudged Erky.  "Hey.  Hey, Erky.  You want me to get that for you?"

The gnome nodded.  "Yes.  Yes, I would like that very much, please and thank you."

"Hey, Zumies, can I see that spray bottle a sec?"

"Sure, here!"  Zumies tossed the spray bottle to ratNAROk.  ratNAROk handed the bottle to Erky.

"Oh ho ho ho ho!  Here, kitty, kitty!"

Space Pants fled out of the room, but Erky was hot on his heels.  The party burst into laughter and followed them out into the hallway to see the chase - but their fun was soon interrupted, as two of the other doors in the hallway opened simultaneously.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[KenboCalrissian]

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

The zombies shambled into the hallway, attracted by the commotion of Erky chasing Space Pants with the spray bottle.  The zombies coming from the north were dressed as guards, while the ones in the south were dressed as nobles.  "I told them not to mess with that cat," said Alefgard to the zombies, as if it would sway them.

"These guys look like they haven't fully woken up!  Let me help them with that."  Edward stepped up to the southern doorway, and slammed a riff on his lute.  A Thunderwave reverberated off the stone walls and through the line of zombies, pushing them back.

ratNAROk flew into a rage, slashing at the zombie in the north door with his dual scimitars.  Somehow, the zombie withstood the attack, if barely, and held its position.  "Rats!"  ratNAROk planted his feet down and braced himself in the doorway.  "Either way, none of you are getting past me!"

Alefgard shot a Firebolt over ratNAROk's head and hit the zombie to his side.  Meanwhile, Meepo cast Toll the Dead on one that had already been staggered from Edward's blast.  Still, the zombies shuffled forward, undeterred by pain or certain defeat.

"Grrrrr.... Rrrrggghhh!!!!"  Erky built up his rage, and as he did so, he tapped into something new.  Sparks of white and green light flickered over the gnome's head, growing in size, showing points as if tipped with ears.  With a barbarian yell, Erky charged into the room of zombies, just as the sparks around him burst into the forms of goblin spirits, swarming around him, striking at his enemy, all the while chanting:

"You killed, You killed, You killed us!!  You killed, You killed, You killed us!!"

"Oh, snap!" ratNAROk exclaimed.  "Little man, you got those things under control?"

Erky didn't hear, or pretended not to.  He heaved forward with his scimitar with all his might, taking the zombie down at the leg.  The goblin spirits swarmed around him, making it difficult for the next to approach.  "You killed, You killed, You killed us!!" The spirits seemed to take an interest in Space Pants.

Space Pants used telepathy to broadcast the voice of Momuz Freeman into Erky's mind.  "Erky suddenly became aware of the way he was walking, and how stupid he looked."

The gnome turned to sneer at Space Pants.  "You're next, cat!"  The goblin spirits chattered angrily at the Felis.

"Deep down, Erky wanted to forgive Space Pants," the voice of Momuz Freeman continued.

"Hah!  Fat chance!"

"Erky really did kill all those goblins, though."

"YOU killed! YOU killed!" The spirits grew even more agitated.

"We have DE-railed," wailed Alefgard.

"Fine, sheesh, I'll shoot something already."  Space Pants shot a Chaos Bolt, which landed as a bolt of lightning on the nearest zombie.

"Next."  Bubb's metal frame turned motionless as the flies launched forth and set upon one of the zombies, eating its rotten flesh.  The zombie swatted some of them away, but the zombie next to it tried to do the same, inadvertently hitting its ally with its mace.  Taking advantage of the distraction, Zumies squarely landed a sneak attack with his crossbow, putting that zombie to its final rest.

The zombies put up little resistance.  Another round of combat later, they had all been felled.  The halls were quiet.

"You hear that?" said Edward.  "No moaning, no howling ghosts... I think we've cleared the floor!"

"Great!  Now let's loot it!"  ratNAROk rubbed his mouse paws together.

They investigated the room to the northwest first.  This dusty crypt lay undefended, its ghastly inhabitants drawn out and dispatched the evening prior.  On the north wall stood a chalk statue of the Baroness Mebzuth Logemīdath, wearing a crown of trifle pewter and holding a matching scepter, and on the south wall, a statue of her consort, Kib Oslanshed.

ratNAROk opened the olivine casket of Kib Oslanshed first.  The skeletal remains of an elf in noble finery lay before them.  On his wrist was a platinum bracelet the menaced with spikes of steel.

"Oooh!  Hey, Meepo, c'mere!  You like shinies, right?"

Meepo waddled over, wearing the fine robes he had already pilfered and Mended from one of the noble corpses.  He straightened his +platinum crown.+  "Meepo like shinies."

"This will go great with your crown!  Here you go."

ratNAROk slipped the bracelet onto Meepo's wrist.  Instantly, the kobold felt a bit quicker, a little more able to dodge.  "Whoo!  Something special about this!  Edward, can you identify this?"

"Sure, let's see what's in the other coffin first!"  Edward waved over the rogue.  "C'mon, Zumies!"

Zumies, with the trifle pewter crown in one hand and the scepter in the other, stashed his goods and helped Edward with the coffin.  The elf's decrepit body lie adorned with a jade pendant and a large diamond in her hand.  As they surveyed the goods, a shadow passed over her corpse, and suddenly, laying on top of her body was a stone tablet.

"Well," said Edward, "this should come as no surprise at this point."

"The wraith is gone though," said Zumies.  "It can't be the wraith leaving these notes, right?"

Spoiler: "From the History of Severedcoils: What Lies Down Below" (click to show/hide)

20th Felsite, 207, Late Spring (by Zon Rimtarothil Afentumam)
-------------

"Sheesh, I can't take my eyes off you lot for a minute!  Asob, what kind of mess did you get us into now?"

"It's not my fault!  Zulban's down at the forge screaming for adamantine!"

"Ah, geez... either we deal with an insane dwarf, or a pit full of who-knows-what.  Assign the champions down here.  Leave the rest of the military upstairs - summer is only a few weeks away, and I'm expecting a siege.  Hey, is that my dragon?"

The hammerer brushes by with Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare, the surprisingly content dragon.  "Zon," Asob explains, "I know you wanted dearly to execute the goblins with the dragon, but this takes precedence.  The dragon could prove to be an invaluable defense against whatever's inside."

"Oh boy... how much do you think he needs?"

"From the way he's screaming about it, I estimate that Zulban needs three adamantine wafers.  Well... he has one, so I guess we need to mine out two more urists."

"Sure, two urists here, another three there, and before you know it..."

"But Zon, think about it!  If he's demanding three batches of wafers, the armor he's planning has got to be pretty good!  There's a really good chance he might make plate mail!!"

"And the chances we're going to find something we don't like?"

"Zon, I can't believe one such as yourself would get so worked up over this."

"Then why did you order the dragon to be restrained down here?  Look at you, you're scared too!  You know something's going to happen."

"Look, Zon... There are rumors, nothing more!  Still, we might as well take necessary precautions--"

"Rumors?! I'll tell you the kinds of things that lie behind--..."

"...Zon?"

"Nevermind.  The dragon and our champions are fit for the challenge.  Besides, it looks like we got lucky and started on the outer edge.  I doubt we'll break it this time.  Go ahead."

Asob - and the others standing by, for that matter - stared puzzledly at me.  Rigōth Åmbim, one of our fellow miners who originally made the journey with us to Severedcoils, stood warily with (Copper pick) in hand.  Asob nodded.



Silence.  The halls did not respond to our tools on their walls as they had oh so many years ago.  I heaved a deep sigh and relieved 'Other Grendus' and Urist Bardummon from their posts.

"Just get those to the crafts shops, then immediately to the smelters.  Cancel all other jobs if you have to.  Do not let Zulban go insane."  I set an obsidian stockpile at Zulban's feet so that when the time comes, he'll have the best stone available.  Then, I turn and leave with much on my mind.

This only hastens the need for my secret project... but the adamantine artifact, indeed, is the most important thing right now.  Asob and I both work very hard to ensure the tedious task of strand extraction is done - it takes half the month, but it gets done.  Asob herself smelts the last adamantine wafers, and no sooner does she finish than does Zulban come shoving past her - picking them up with his bare hands while they're still hot!  The aroma of charred dwarf flesh fills the forges, but Zulban doesn't even seem to notice.  This work will forever scar him - he's just lucky the chosen smelter was adjacent to his forge, and it was a very short distance to carry them.  After getting the third batch of wafers, he shoots straight for the wood pile.  Two more logs, a rough gem, and two-- alunite?!  Come on, I had the haulers specifically leave you with a pile of obsidian!  You want to use alunite?!  Ugh... such potential, such waste.

I reassign the mining jobs I had previously ordered and wait for the secret rooms to be carved out.  I try to think of a lie to tell the miners as to the purpose of these new rooms, but can't.  I just simply won't explain it at all.

Summer comes... and no new counts have arrived.  I catch King Minkot's eye for just a moment - imp--

... "The bottom of the tablet is broken off," said Edward.

"Is it not magical?" said Alefgard.  "That shouldn't happen... not easily, anyway."

"Secret rooms?" said Space Pants.  "Curious..."

Edward took some time to identify the magical items they had just found.  The jade pendant, wrapped with copper wire, was of unknown origin - oddly, it felt as though it had perhaps a divine origin, but not quite... Something familiar, yet something he knew he had yet to encounter.  A name started to come to him... Cura... Curel... Curalesh?  He couldn't place the name, nor was he even sure if he got the correct name from the ritual.  Regardless, he was able to figure out what it did; The pendant would grant the attuned wearer a certain personal magnetism, adding to their ability to persuade and to deceive, but there was a catch: A mild curse on the item made it such that if the wearer was ever caught in a lie, the lie would be broadcast mentally to all within 50 feet of the wearer, alerting everyone that this individual is not to be trusted.

"Sure, I'll take it," Zumies said with a shrug.

"You sure you're okay with that curse?" asked Edward.

"Yeah, no problem.  The trick is to not get caught."

The bracelet, as it happened, was an artifact that had been created here at the Sunken Citadel.  Edward was able to determine the following:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"It'll grant you some protection, and if you do get hit, once per short rest you can trigger a magic force pulse that pushes the attacker away from you."

Meepo looked at the sparkly bangle.  "So I get a force push.  Neat!  But does it match Meepo's crown?"

"You look fit for a king," ratNAROk said proudly.

Meepo sat up stiffly.  "Like a king... that's right... Meepo, a king... Hee hee..."

"I'm glad I can instigate a new obsession for Meepo," said ratNAROk.

Space Pants set Kib's corpse on fire.  "Obsession?  I wouldn't know anything about that."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Across the hall, the party checked the southeastern room that the zombie nobles came from.  This bedroom, full of engravings like the others, had two chests on the south wall, a chalk chest and a -chalk chest.-  Zumies used his mage hand to open these.  Unlike the other chests on this floor, these were more like cabinets with a single drawer in the top.  The chalk chest was empty at first, but then, as once again a shadow passed over it, another tablet appeared.

"Oh boy," said the rogue.  "Story time again."

Spoiler: "From the History of Severedcoils: Of the Dragon Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare (click to show/hide)

22nd Sandstone, 205, Mid-Autumn
-------------



Dodķk Oddemmeb, Wrestler and Swordsdwarf, came hopping by on one leg on his way to bed.

"Zon!  A word, please."

"What is it?  I'm very busy."  I tried to hobble on by, but he hopped in front of me regardless.

"I want you to take down the cage traps in the front gate.  They're undwarfy, and they cost me a spectacular death in battle by the dragon Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare!"

I looked Dodķk up and down.  "You would do battle with Nelare with a broken left foot?  You can hardly get yourself to bed.  Surely, there would have been many spectacular deaths by that dragon, including the caravan from the Swift Arches.  If she had killed you, we never could have tamed it, and it would be a menace even while tamed."

"Bah!!  A death by the fiery breath of Nelare would have been worth it all.  Don't you know anything about Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare?"

I sighed.  The one god worse than Asën had to be Logem, god of history lessons and lectures.  "Be right back," I said, as I left him, filled my mug with some dwarven wine, then returned.  In that amount of time he had taken only two more hops toward his bed.  "'K, why don't you lesson me up on this dragon?"

"Nelare Flickersizzles the Glowing Silvers is a dragon.  She is one of the only ones of her kind.  In year 1, she settled in Cloisterheart, where she would later come to hoard several items that she stole from the civilizations around her.  She had a penchant for stealing leather earrings and bone scepters, strangely enough.  Her first kill was Enina Mortalwaxes the elf with dragonfire in Worldcrabs.  She then attacked Legendecho, a kobold settlement, and shortly afterward Paddlednightmares, a goblin tower.  She then turned her attention back to the elves, attacking the treehome of Packedfins and killing several.  Her onslaught wasn't yet over... she moved onto Sidepearl, a human village, and razed several buildings, including The Curled Keeper and The Breakfast of Scars.

"Several foolish elves and humans attempted to attack her single-handedly, none of them successful.  In 149, the human Olo Riddlecloudy and the dwarf Olin Paddleshocked confronted Nelare together in Cloisterheart.  Olo was struck down, but Olin escaped - but only to come back and fight the dragon again later, and though defeated again, managed to escape a second time.

"In 164, Nelare was confronted again by an elf, this one by the name of Themiyi Seizureisland.  Though the elf escaped, the conflict cost Themiyi her right eye.  A few years later in 170, Nelare burned a human to death in Paddlednightmares--"

"Hold up," I said.  "I thought Paddlednightmares was a goblin tower?  So are these the humans that have allied with the goblins?

Dodķk started to look delirious, perhaps from the pain.  Maybe I should offer him a seat?  He continued rambling, as if not hearing me.  "In 174, Nelare was attacked by three dwarves - Kivish Fellwheel, Ingish Floorwonders, and Uvash Reliccharmed.  Ingish's mouth was ripped open, Uvash was struck down, and Kivish escaped unscathed.  She would be attacked again later by the dwarf Stukos Basementabyss.  Nelare tore off Stukos's right lower leg, yet somehow she managed to escape with her life."

"None of those dwarven names sound familiar to me, Dodķk.  It doesn't sound like this dragon has a history with The Swift Arches.  Is this true?"

Dodķk started to look faint.  He then rattled off a few more facts about the dragon before passing out onto the floor.



His wife, Rith Hollowseal, immediately came by to scoop him up and away to his bed.

I watched after him as he disappeared down the stairs in his wife's arms.  Humans in Paddlednightmares... I'll have to ask him later when he's better to see if there's a relation between them and the ones we're seeing with the goblins.

Space Pants yawned.  "Jus' skim it for the relevant bits, will ya?"

"Seems like a lot of really specific details about that dragon, Nelare," said Edward.

"Put these messages together into context," suggested Alefgard.  "On its own, not that interesting.  But, isn't this, like, the third or fourth time Nelare has shown up in these logs?  Or more specifically, many of the logs we're finding seem to focus on Nelare."

"Nelare is the dragon worshipped by the builders of this Citadel," offered Meepo.

"The last known major dragon," added Edward.  "Not counting young dragons like Calcryx, histories make note of four major dragons who terrorized the early world: Obin Flickergilt the Sizzling Diamond, the firstborn and the only male among them; The others are Nelare Flickersizzles the Glowing Silvers, Ongong Brandedgilt the Pearl of Fire, and Obasp Goldensizzles the Taxes of Jade.  Of those, only Nelare lives, supposedly."

"Nelare missing for long time," Meepo said.

"We saw her," said Sergei.  "At Severedcoils.  There's no mistaking those eyes, that was her."

"Right there, at the gate?" asked Edward.

"Indeed.  There was a row of nickel bars between the marksdwarves' nest and outside the front gate.  Nelare was staring at me through a fortification there."

"How could such a dragon fit into such a small space?  If it's a major dragon, it'd have to be huge, right?"

Sergei leveled his gaze.  "I know for certain that I have met the great dragon Nelare Fedíofi Fonenelare.  That feeling came to me as I crossed the threshold of Severedcoils.  I do not have an explanation beyond my own experience, but this experience I do not doubt."

Edward nodded.  "No argument there... We're already dealing with timey-wimey crap.  Look-- once again, this tablet was only written six years ago, not a hundred."

Space Pants had already stopped listening, and opened the other chest.  The drawer was empty, save for four silver coins.  "Nothin'... eh... nothing, eh... uh, no, that ain't right.  There's gotta be something up with this chest.  Someone else take a look, this chest is givin' me a headache."

Sergei reached into the chest and picked up the coins.  Turning them over, he found nothing unusual about them - they were dated over a hundred years ago, and featured the face of a long forgotten noble, but were otherwise unremarkable.  "Alefgard, do you sense anything magical?"

"Ah, I don't want to waste a spell... let me see..." Alefgard attempted to detect arcana to see if he could ascertain any magical properties without spending his own.  "Yes... I see... that it is energy!  In fact... everything is energy!  Therefore, isn't everything magical?"

ratNAROk tsked. "Space Pants, did you let Alefgard into your catnip?"

"I tell you what, if I look and find it's not there, so help me Erky..."

"Don't make me get the spray bottle," said Erky.

Meepo inspected the chest further.  He felt around for a false bottom, and then completely removed the drawer from the chest.  Beneath the drawer, he found three more silver coins.

"Wait-- before we pick these up..." Taking a closer look, Meepo noticed all three coins were face-up.  "Oooh... Hey, what way were those coins inside the drawer facing?"

"Uhh..." Sergei shrugged.  "I... didn't get a good look."

Meepo took all seven coins and laid them out on the floor, all face up.  Then, he started turning the coins over, one at a time, then two, and so on, trying different combinations of face up and down.

"What did that wraith say, again?" Zumies tried to remember.  "'The Barons are restless, the Counts agree, the Dukes demand the King's heads three."

"Mmmm..." Alefgard thought about that.  "Yeah, but that was in another room... and yesterday?  I mean, maybe, but I get the feeling that isn't relevant to this current situation."

Meepo tried every combination with three heads.  "Nope, nothing... What if we put the coins back?"  Meepo put the coins back where he found them, using the impressions in the dust to find their exact place, but still, nothing happened.

Sergei lifted up the bed, but found nothing but trash underneath.  The flies of Bubb searched along the walls of the room - sure enough, in the southeastern corner, they found a seam in the wall, a telltale sign of a secret door.

"Ah hah," came the buzzing of ten thousand voices as one.  "I've found a seam in."  A single fly broke off from the swarm and slipped its way through the crack in the wall.

"Good thinking.  Alright, tell us what you see."  Space Pants waited.  Bubb remained silent.  "Hello?"  Space Pants waved his hands in front of the lifeless warforged frame.  "Alright, that's it.  What's going on in there?"  Space Pants cast Detect Thoughts on Bubb's warforged frame, and came up empty.  "Wait-- there's actually nothing in there when the flies are out??  Where the hell are you from, Bubb?"

"There's gotta be a slot somewhere, right?" ratNAROk looked all around the room for a place to put the coins, but found none.

Edward lost interest in the chest for the moment.  "Speaking of coin, this sure is a lot more work than I thought I'd signed up for.  I should've stuck to taverns."

"Did you end up playing that show after Jocelyn attacked us?" said Alefgard.

"Oh crap!  I forgot all about that!  You know what though, eff Thump."

"Hah!  Yeah, that minotaur acted all tough until he saw a twig blight.  How many of those have we killed in the last week?"

"I wonder if they'll have me back," Edward mused.  "Maybe if I use my bardic charm..."

"Why wouldn't they?  Wait... nevermind, I didn't ask.  Remember Goreglugg?  Whatever happened to her?"

"I dunno, we sold that sword to have the age curse removed from the both of us, then she said she had somewhere to be.  It'd be nice to run into her again."

ratNAROk stood by, listening intently to their conversation, but then suddenly becoming aware that he was perhaps being unintentionally rude.  "So, that chest... I wonder if there are any engravings on the ground that might clue us in?"

"Hm, good idea," Alefgard said.  He began scanning the engravings on the ground - Stâsost Randomscorpions the Convent of Soaring, Shorast Lanternsprays the Playful Grotto of Bones, Båx Doomquill the Doused Craft of Murders, and other humans kidnapped by goblins and turned into elf-murdering thralls adorned the floor, against all logic.  Then, his eyes lit up as he saw the engraving directly under his feet.  "Well, what do you know!  Check it out, Space Pants!"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Space Pants approached the engraving.  Space Pants left a small piece of bone he had kept from Cutter's remains on the engraving.  Space Pants bowed his head in reverence.

Erky shook his head.  "I don't believe it..."

ratNAROk blinked.  "Space Pants, you know Cutter was an elf, right?"

"Yeah, I know," said the cat.  "Like I've always said, the only elf I like is a dead elf."

"I've got it," said Zumies, still racking his brain over the chest.  "What if we take the diamond we found in the tomb, and wrap it with the jade pendant--"

As he was saying this, a single fly popped out of the chest, illuminated by a Light spell.

"I found it," said the many voices of Bubb as the flies returned to its body.  Bending down, it looked inside the chest.  The fly it had sent inside the secret door had found the mechanism controlling it, and crawled into the wall following the wire inside the chest.  Looking inside, Bubb could see where the fly came out - a circular pull ring, set in the roof of the chest.  The three face-up coins had been positioned such that they were looking up at it.  Bubb pulled on the ring, and the wall popped open.

"Finally!  Loot!"  ratNAROk and Sergei both ran for the door, Sergei getting inside just a bit faster - and in time to trigger the poison dart trap set in the floor inside!  Fortunately, the dart passed harmlessly in front of him.

Before them in the secret closet sat two chests, one of brass and one of sterling silver.  Inside the sterling silver chest was another artifact:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"That one's for me!" Edward said happily.  The drum, it turned out, could be played during a short or long rest to help them heal a little better.  "What's in the other?"

The brass chest contained six golden goblets, and - after yet another shadow passes by - one more tablet, which materialized a moment after seeing the bottom of the chest.

"Sheesh, even in here?" Edward sighed.  "Alright, well, these must be important, right?"

Spoiler: "From the History of Severedcoils: The Profane Escalation" (click to show/hide)

1 Hematite 211
Asob
---

To whosoever may find this; This might be my last entry.  I apologize for the melodramatics, but something terrible has happened.  It is with great risk that I am recording this, as the worst is coming to pass as I speak.  I must document everything I can, and then hide this journal where it can be found.  Someone will need to know what happened.

---

Minkot and I were waiting anxiously in Zon's office.  Neither of us knew why we had been summoned.  I had a few guesses.

Over the past week, Zon has grown increasingly annoyed, particularly with us.  I fear she has come to view us only as a nuisance and may be seeking to get us out of the way.  It is difficult to think this way, given that Zon was once my best friend.  I'm not sure what made her crack... the pressure of this mission, the fear of what lies within those glowing pits, or... dare I say it?... the allure of power that comes from controlling the lives and deaths of those around you.

We waited for nearly an hour before we finally heard her enter.  I gasped.  She looked awful.  Her eyes are sunken, as though she hasn't slept in days.  Her beard is frazzled - though I suppose that's hard to tell, considering we've all been covered in blood, mud, and vomit for over ten years - and she seemed to be arguing with herself on the way in.

"Uhm," I stammered--

"Shut up.  It's summer, why aren't the marksdwarves in position?"

"Marksdwarves?  What--"

"Elves, idiot!  They'll be on their way.  Goblins too.  And hoary marmots.  Keep them all out.  Also migrants."

King Minkot pounded his fist on Zon's desk.  "Damn you, Zon!  As your king, I will not stand for this.  This fort is in no shape to begin a war with the elves--"

"Coward."

"...What did you--"

"You're a coward.  They're elves.  They like wood.  I like wood too.  That's why I cut it down.  I could cut all those elves down like wood."

Minkot knocked over his chair as he stood.  Quickly, I leapt to my feet, sensing the situation would become dire.  The desk was between Minkot and Zon already, otherwise I would have jumped between them.

"I have had enough of you treating me like a peasant!"

"Then don't dress like one."

"That's it!  Zon Rimtarothil Afentumam, I hearby strip you of all rank and profession!  You are no longer the ruler of this fort.  You are unfit to lead, and you will soon bring death upon our heads unless I stop you now.  Now, before you say one word, hand over your axe, your badge, and remove your things from this office - or so help me, I will bring the Hammerer in here, and we'll see how well you can insult me with your jaw shattered!"

Zon produced her axe, but held it firmly.  "One problem, Stinkot.  I'm the one with the axe.  Now, do as I say and sit down, or I'll see how high you really stand over these dwarves with your legs cut off."

Minkot started to shout angrily, but I knew Zon wasn't bluffing.  Without even thinking about it, I lunged over the table and grabbed her axe by the shaft, but I had failed to realize how much stronger than me she was!  With almost no effort, she butted the axe into my face, toppling me over and almost taking out a tooth.

Just then, the door knocked, then opened.

"Oh!  I hope I am not interrupting anything," remarked Quietust, the Philosopher.

"Not at all!" Zon spoke cheerily, even smiling as though nothing had happened.  "Go ahead and have that seat over there, next to the king.  Asob, are you sure you don't want to go and fetch yourself a chair?  You look silly sitting on the floor like that."

If I thought I could get away with it without getting my head chopped off, I'd have probably punched her right then and there.  "I'll stand," I stated through clenched teeth as I picked myself up."

"Very well.  Quietust, why don't you tell them what you've found?"

"Of course!  Well, during one of my daily wanderings through the mine tunnels, I came across some small bone fragments.  They were near the adamantine fortifications, so I was of course concerned.  I sifted through them to try and ascertain whether they belonged to a dwarf, but as I touched one, a word popped into my head!"

"A... a word?"  Minkot sat back down, apparently so distracted with the story that he, too, forgot all about the ordeal. 

I should have known then that something unnatural was happening, that some unseen hand was directing the events unfolding in that room.  Quietust's coincidental timing, the sudden shift in attention away from the violence that had almost taken place... even I had forgotten about it at the time.  It must have all been part of the sorcery that took place next...

"An ancient word, one I had read about in ancient scripts found in the Old Halls back at the mountainhome - and somehow, I had found that very text within my belongings!  I do not recall taking it with me, but as luck would have it I was able to identify it.  As I held the bone fragment, more words poured into my mind, and I realized soon that it was an incantation!  A powerful spell that will speed up worker productivity.  It will also remove detritus from the fort, making movement and daily life much easier!"

"Well!  I can see nothing wrong with trusting words coming out of some old bones found mysteriously from an unidentified source next to a hole in the wall that opens up to a pit known to contain devil spawn from the very bowels of the earth."  Zon clapped her hands together.  "Let's see what happens!"

I should have protested.  I've had a little experience with these... gifts... the demons leave, and I should have known right away that this would lead to disaster.  Again, I wonder whether some sinister force was present with us, coercing us to make this mistake.  Quietust began reciting words in an unnatural tongue...

"Yttap ekac, yttap ekac!
Rekab nam!
Ekam ym FPS
Sa tsaf sa uoy nac!"

A light tremor shook the floor.  I blinked, and as I opened my eyes, I felt lighter.  I looked down and found that, for the first time in ten years, I was clean!  Pounds upon pounds of caked dirt had miraculously disappeared from my clothing.  On top of that, some spare rocks that had been left laying around waiting to be dumped from Zon's office had miraculously disappeared as well.

Before we had time to celebrate, however, another quake shook the room - this one much worse, and it came with the distinct sound of a large slab of rock splashing into a pool of water.

Zon looked at me, her eyes wide open as she whimpered like a child.  We both knew exactly what had happened.

Edward finished reading the tablet aloud.  The party sat in silence, digesting what they had just heard.

"Uh," said ratNAROk.  "Wow."

"Demons."  Alefgard threw up his hands.  "The adamantine, the Deified Furnace-- Armok above, there it is again, that damnable buckler is engraved on the floor, right here next to me."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Impossible."  Bubb looked around at the engravings - sure enough, even some of the engravings of humans killing elves were of events that happened less than 100 years ago, but standing out amongst them all was that unmistakable buckler, with its image of mountains and its image of a mountain easy to identify anywhere it was seen.  By all accounts they had seen, this buckler, engraved on a floor supposedly over a hundred years old, was only constructed five years ago.  "How?"

"I'm getting an idea," Alefgard said with a chill, "and it's not a good one.  Now there's something even worse than a dragon that's been mentioned more than once in these logs.  There's indication of supernatural activity taking place at Severedcoils.  Perhaps the rumors are true - it's said that adamantine should never be mined, for reasons that remain unspeakable in public conversation.  The familiar old adage, 'never dig too deep,' comes to mind."

"Would that explain why we're seeing these logs in a place that's supposedly too old to contain them?" asked Edward.

"If it's what I think it is... possibly.  They could have that power."

The party stood in silence, unsure what to do with this information.  The silence was interrupted by the jingling of jewelry.  Space Pants, after pocketing a circlet with a sapphire inset from one of the noble zombies, handed out matching sapphire necklaces he had found on the others to Meepo, Alefgard, and Erky.

"Wh-- you're giving me this?" Erky didn't know what to say.

The voice of Momuz Freeman did.  "Erky began to understand the error of his ways.  A new dawn was rising for the gnome, and while he was still learning, Erky knew one thing for sure; That they didn't need Zumies or his stupid elf face anymore."

"...Heh..." Erky chuckled to himself.

Space Pants furrowed his brow.  The voice didn't seem to be having the intended effect anymore.  "Whatever, let's get out of this stupid hole."

[KenboCalrissian]

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

The party climbed back up the stairs, arriving again at the smoke-filled pillared hallway.  "Hey," said Edward, "all the doors are closed.  Did we do that?"

"Ah-- oh!" ratNAROk's ears perked up as he spotted a pair of kobolds, standing guard at the door to the large chamber where the goblins used to be settled.  "I bet they did."

Meepo eyed the two kobolds.  He strolled right up to them, seeking to walk straight past them through the door.  The guards started to lower their spears, but then they saw it was Meepo - and then they saw his crown.  "Oh-- Meepo, you return!  Yusdrayl awaits..." Reflexively, the kobolds bowed their heads, their eyes fixed upon Meepo's silken robe and platinum accessories.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yusdrayl had moved fast.  During their eight hours of rest and time spent exploring the noble's level, the kobolds had already moved in and commandeered the space formerly occupied by the goblins.  The living quarters still reeked of goblin, but what few remains could be seen of their corpses were currently cooking by the fires.  As they entered, the kobolds parted the way and bowed their heads.

"It's Meepo and the adventurers!  They cleared the goblins for us!"

"Did they just clear that other level for us too?  None of our scouts had returned from there..."

"They're so strong!  Good thing they're on our side!  Right?"

Space Pants looked around at the ingratiated kobolds.  "Are we the baddies?"

"We should get skull patches for our clothes," said Alefgard.

"Skulls?  Really?" Edward played along.

Confidently, Meepo strolled by towards the door in the northwest.  He knew for certain that if Durnn had used that room as his base, then surely Yusdrayl would as well.

Sure enough, there upon Durnn's olivine throne sat Yusdrayl, curled up with a dead rat in her lap.

"Oh, there you are!"  Yusdrayl nonchalantly sucked the brains of the rat off of a fancy silver spoon.  "I was about ready to assume you dead."

ratNAROk blanched at the sight of the mangled rat.  "I'm going to have to ask you to please... stop doing that."

"Why?  It's quite tasty!  Want some?"  Yusdrayl offered a scoop of rat brains to the mousefolk.

ratNAROk growled as he tightened his grip on his scimitars.  "I won't ask you again.  You will stop that."

"Hah, cute."  Yusdrayl stretched out lazily.  "Now, then.  What have you brought me?"

Bubb was taken aback.  "Brought-- brought you?  Did you think you were owed something?"

"Who got you into the noble's level, hmmm?"

"We did!"  ratNAROk was already animated and having none of it.  "We found that key ourselves!  You had nothing to do with it!"

"And where did you find that key, hmmm?  In the tomb of the dragonpriest, behind a door which you only got past because I allowed you, with my key!"  Yusdrayl leaned forward, smiling triumphantly over the party.  "Now, then.  What did you bring for me?"

"Nothing," Meepo said.

"What was that?" Yusdrayl growled.  "Did you say 'nothing,' Meepo?"

"I said 'nothing,'" he said again.  "My friends found their stuff fair and square - we fought a terrible foe for it, and we're not giving it up."

"We, we, what is this we?"  All at once, Yusdrayl snapped at Meepo.  "That crown.  Give it to me.  Now."

"No!  This Meepo's crown."

"You defy me with that crown!  Look at you!  All dressed like royalty like some fool.  Who let you dress like that?"

"My friends do."  Meepo's knees were trembling - but he'd said what he'd said, and to back down now would be suicide.  "Meepo's friends work together, they share, they help each other out.  None of this 'strongest first' garbage!  Meepo's friends let Meepo keep things because here, Meepo important!"

"Hah!  Important?  You?  You're lucky that damn dragon hadn't eaten you by now!  I didn't expect you to last beyond your first night.  Now, before I have your head on a stick and your body fed to the dragon, how about you kneel and beg forgiveness for the way you've talked to me?"

Meepo glanced to his left and right.  To either side, Yusdrayl was flanked by her elite guard, four of the biggest kobolds of the clan.  Their eyes were wide, clearly conflicted on their position in the debate taking place.

Edward clasped a hand on Meepo's shoulder and granted him inspiration.  "C'mon, Meepo, we got your back!"

Space Pants communicated to Meepo telepathically.  "Say whatever you want, and I'll hit her with Calm Emotions.  You got this."  Moments later, Meepo's scales lit up with an image of bright, dancing flames.

Anything I want, huh?  Meepo thought about it.  In the end, he decided if he was going to make a statement, here and now, it had better be a good one.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Meepo stepped up to Yusdrayl.  In one swift movement, he snagged the Potion of Firebreath off his belt, chugged it, and breathed on Yusdrayl.

"NOOOOOOOOO."  Flames shot from Meepo's mouth, engulfing the sorceress overlord.

"Wow, or you could do that.  You got her, Meepo!"  Space Pants let go of his prepared spell, choosing to let this play out.

Surprised and frazzled, Yusdrayl reached for the first spell she could think of.  "Oh yeah?  Burning Hands!" She arched her fingers and sprayed a cone of fire out at Meepo.  He covered himself in time, turning to see the spell had collateral damage; Yusdrayl had caught both Alefgard and one of her own guards in the blast.

"Augh!  Ow, hot hot hot!"  Yusdrayl's elite guard yiped and whimpered, shrinking away like a wounded dog.  "Yusdrayl, I'm on your side!"

Alefgard shrugged off some of the flame with his robe.  "Weak.  He challenged you to a duel, buddy.  Easy on the collateral."

This was exactly what Meepo had wanted to happen.  Drawing on his experience gained from fighting the wraith - experience he knew Yusdrayl didn't realize he had - Meepo cast Guiding Bolt.  A ray of white energy shot forth from Meepo's iklwa and pierced clean through Yusdrayl, pinning her to the wall in the back of the room.  With her last breath, Yusdrayl reached up and out towards Meepo's crown.

"E... Et tu, Meepo?*" With that, Yusdrayl fell limp.

"H-- holy..." One of Yusdrayl's elite bolted out of the room and into the main dwelling area.  "Everyone!  Yusdrayl has fallen!  Meepo - the Flamebringer - has taken control of the clan!"

There was an uproar of cheering.  Meepo hadn't realized how many of his tribe would be happy that Yusdrayl was gone, but kobolds young and old were gathering to show their support.  Meepo was terrified of how fast things were moving - but now was not the time to show it.  He knew how things worked among this tribe - despite all the cheering, he had to act fast, and assert his dominance before anybody else sought to challenge it.

"You."  Meepo pointed at the guard that had been injured by Yusdrayl's flames.  He beckoned the guard over, and as he stood before him, Meepo laid his hands upon him and cast Cure Wounds, fully mending his burns.  "Derpe, you were once loyal to Yusdrayl.  Will you be loyal to me?"

"I am loyal to the tribe," said Derpe.

"I wouldn't have it any other way.  You're my second in command.  Where is Yusdrayl's horde?"

"At your feet."  Derpe gestured to the iron chest formerly used by Durnn.

"Bring it here."

Derpe and another of the large kobolds picked it up and carried it two feet closer to Meepo.  It was clear from how they carried it that it was very heavy.

"Open it."

They opened the chest.  Inside, it was filled nearly to the top with gold coins, estimating about 800g in value.

Meepo nodded, then signaled for them to close it.  Meepo then turned to another guard.  "Do we have any food for our human guests?  I demand a feast in their honor."

"Food... for humans..." the kobold puzzled.

"I'm not picky," said Bubb.  "Or human."

"We do have a cow," said the kobold guard, "but... We caught that for Calcryx... she hasn't been eating cows lately though... only kobolds..."

"Get that cow, and cook it up for my friends.  Let them tell you how to cook it, don't just roast it over a fire."

"Hey Alefgard," said Edward, "Are you a whiz in the kitchen?"

"Hmm, you want some mac and cheese, or an egg sandwich?  That's about what I know how to make."

"Aw, man-- the cow, really?"  The kobold sighed and called out the door.  "Hey!  Hey, yeah-- who's watching Calcryx?  Degs?  Tell him-- Oh, she ate Degs?  Alright, then who... Zig, right?  ...No, she got Zig too?  Ugh, then what about-- wait, it's Sallo's turn??  How long has he been watching her?!  Man... Okay, well, if Sallo's still alive, tell him we need the cow.  Ye-- yeah, for Meepo's friends... Yeah, he's gonna need help... You know what, I'll be right there, let me get that piece of wood in case she snaps again..."

"Take me to her," said Meepo.  He reached into his bag for a pouch, and filled it with about 100 coins from the chest.

"Wait-- really?  But you just took over.  You don't want to..."

"Where is she?  She's not still stuck in a cage, is she?"

"No, we put her in that guard room down south off the common room... though, now that she's there, we're afraid to let her out, since we're kinda all living here now... Yusdrayl didn't think this out very well."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The kobolds pushed open the door and fled.  Calcryx lifted her head up.  Seeing Meepo, she got up, and walked right up to him, putting her nose up against his face, puffs of cold steam shooting out from the white dragon's nostrils.

Meepo held the bag of coins out to the dragon.  "Here.  For your horde."

Calcryx looked at Meepo, then at the sack of gold.  Then, she looked at the corpse of the half-eaten kobold next to the door.  Then, to Meepo, she opened her mouth, and in a whispery hiss said, "Erky... did it..." She then hissed in what could be approximated to a laugh.

"...Wait," said ratNAROk, "what did she just say?!"

"Oh my gods," said Bubb, "the dragon wants to get in on the gag.  She must have picked up on it in the short time she traveled with us."

"Oh, no," said Erky.  "No, no, no, why, no."

Meepo contained his joy at hearing Calcryx's first words.  He looked down, and saw the chain on Calcryx's leg.  "Unchain her."

The kobolds stared at him like they'd just watched his head get chomped off.  "Are you serious?!"

"Yes.  Unchain her, please."

The kobolds looked at each other.  Cautiously, they approached and undid the manacle over her ankle.  As soon as she was free, Calcryx leapt forward, past Meepo and out into the common area.  Kobolds screamed and cowered in fear as the white dragon wyrmling stood proudly over them, taking joy in watching them squirm.

"Calcryx, we go to old throne room.  You can have the whole thing - keep your horde there, and have that space all to yourself to spread out.  That make you happy, right?"

Calcryx smiled a toothy grin, and hissed another vicious laugh.  She lead the way herself to the old throne room, uncertain kobolds following behind.

"So," said ratNAROk, "that was a huge success!  Now, we gotta get down to the lower levels and find that grove.  We've still got some fire breathing potions, we could make firebombs to throw down at those twig blights and skeletons and whatever else is down there..."

"Yeah, but Meepo's in charge now," said Edward.  "You're not gonna want to leave... are you?"

Meepo signaled for them to keep their voice down.  "Why do you think I picked a second in command already?  I'm going with you!  But first... Meepo have minions."

Spoiler: "Out Of Character" (click to show/hide)

* Yes, this happened on 3/15.

[King Zultan]

I'm enjoying this story quite a bit and was wondering are your writing all this from memory or a recording?

[Quietust]

"E... Et tu, Meepo?*" With that, Yusdrayl fell limp.

Spoiler: "Out Of Character" (click to show/hide)

* Yes, this happened on 3/15.

Well, that's what you get for ignoring soothsayers.

[KenboCalrissian]

I'm enjoying this story quite a bit and was wondering are your writing all this from memory or a recording?

I'm not recording anything, but when I write these updates, I pull up the Roll20 chat log.  That gives me the play-by-play of what happened during combat, not to mention when/how a skill check was made, and various RP moments from the players, all in chronological order.  Some of the conversation - usually the jokes, but also the aside between Edward and Alefgard about their own adventure* - are sourced direct from chat, so I'm working in what the players actually said during the game.

*This was a reference to a one-shot we played over a camp trip with these characters.  The one-shot came from The Game Master's Book of Random Encounters by Jeff Ashworth - except for Goreglugg, who is actually the first character I ever played in 5e turned NPC.

I also have the game map, of course, which remains in the configuration where we last left off, so I have a visual reminder of what we did last.  Sometimes I take screenshots of the Roll20 board so I can replicate them in GIMP.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Some of the dialog, I do make up while I'm writing, and trim out some of the more repetitive parts of combat.  I also sometimes add in a little more detail where I think I could've been more descriptive, or take the time to dig through world history to find more detail than I could have ready in the moment - I hope my players are picking up on that!  I let the players read this thread, so they're able to correct me if I write something out of character, but I've asked them not to read Severedcoils, so that they can discover the story through gameplay.  As a bonus, keeping the stories separate means this thread will also be handy as a game log, from which we can reference important game events and treasure found.

"E... Et tu, Meepo?*" With that, Yusdrayl fell limp.

Spoiler: "Out Of Character" (click to show/hide)

* Yes, this happened on 3/15.

Well, that's what you get for ignoring soothsayers.

What's really funny about this is how it all accidentally fell into place.  I'd only made the decision to move the kobolds an hour before the game started, something that was only possible because I had added an extra level to the dungeon that the party spent a long rest in.  Otherwise, this might have still happened, but not until later.  I didn't realize the coincidental date until the following morning.  Yet another thing about Severedcoils that bizarrely works out in a creepy way!

[KenboCalrissian]

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Meepo settled into the olivine seat.  Merely an hour ago, he had slain his colony's leader, Yusdrayl, and claimed the throne through a display of might.  The day before that, it was Durnn who sat here, the hobgoblin commander in charge of the goblin offensive keeping the kobolds away from the inner sanctums of their rightful stronghold.  Meepo had seen it time and time again, and this time was no exception - whenever the throne changed hands, it was likely to soon change again.

The general reception of the news of Yusdrayl's fall and Meepo's ascension was positive.  Many in the tribe felt overworked or underappreciated by Yusdrayl, and Meepo had become something of a local celebrity recently, being seen as the one who lead the adventurers against the goblins.  His friends fed with firepit-roasted beef, Meepo acted swiftly to cement his new position. 

"Derpe, my second-in-command."

"Yes, King Meepo?"

King Meepo.  He liked the sound of that.  "Assemble the clan leaders.  I'd like to make a statement, about what direction we're headed as a tribe, and how I intend to lead us there."

The Chukujrulus tribe of kobolds was composed of four main families, or clans.  Migrating north into the routed goblin territory were the Dikoloduldin and the Dibobaglobis.  The Dikoloduldin were excited about change and conquest, but many were openly unhappy with Yusdrayl's working conditions.  The Dibobaglobis were skittish by nature, nervous about change, and concerned with stability of the tribe.  Staying in the original kobold chambers to the south were the Thaboborsnus and the Fakasralbis.  The Thaboborsnus - Meepo's clan - were obedient, but secretive.  They kept to themselves, and had been known to be critical of Yusdrayl's judgement but never out in the open.  Lastly, the Fakasralbis were an agreeable sort, family-oriented, the peacemakers.  They were usually the camp that took on menial tasks for all, such as mending and first aid.

Derpe, of the Dibobaglobis clan, turned and barked at the other three elites standing guard.  "You heard him!  Yolo, get the southern camps."

Yolo, a member of the Thaboborsnus family, gave Derpe a nod and headed for the door.  "At once.  Back in a moment."

Derpe turned to the other two guards.  "Quizno--"

"He's Quizno, I'm Subwo."  The two brothers of the Dikoloduldin clan stood pointing at one another.

"Either one, go and get the leaders of the north camps."

Before they left, Space Pants reached out to read the surface thoughts of Quizno.  "Wow," the kobold thought, "how exciting!  It's about time things changed around here - and for it to be Meepo, of all people!  Nobody expected him to survive being the Keeper of Dragons.  Well, whatever he does, he'd better not think about splitting me up from my brother Subwo."  Space Pants kept that information to himself as he watched the two kobold elites go.

ratNAROk looked around.  "There's gotta be a Qudobwo around here, right?"

"And a Blimpwo," said Edward.

"Sheetzwo," suggested Alefgard.

"McDobodowo," said ratNAROk.

"Flying J-wo," said Alefgard.

"Wawawo?" tried Bubb.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Minutes later, before him stood the leaders of the four families; Twixo of Dikoloduldin, Bofa of Dibobaglobis, Magre of Thaboborsnus, and Varn of Fakasralbis.

"Hey Varn," Alefgard whispered to ratNAROk, "it's me, Ernest."

"White Caswo," whispered back ratNAROk.

"Nutrageo," Alefgard could keep going.

"Meepo!"  Magre, the leader of Meepo's clan, and a master thief in charge of the tribe's treasure hunters, was first to speak.  "This is quite an unexpected surprise.  I am pleased to see one of our own in command - but never would I have suspected that leader to be the Keeper of Dragons.  Congratulations are in order."

Magre wore a cloth mask over his face, but Meepo caught the look in his eye.  Even though they were family, Magre was one to maintain that some of his family were closer than others - and being kept mostly on the outside watching Calcryx with little expectation to survive, Meepo was not one with whom Magre had shared much affection.  From what he knew, and from the look in the kobold thief's eye, it was easy to assume Magre was happy to see a change in leadership, but he wasn't sure if Meepo was who he wanted instead.

"Thank you all for coming," Meepo started.  His knees were shaking beneath his noble's robes, and he hoped the family leaders wouldn't notice.  "I want you to know I've heard how everyone feels about the way things were, and while we're going to make some changes, the stability of the tribe remains most important.  I want everyone to know we're not going to have to work as hard, but we're still going to grow."

Bofa wringed his hands while smiling and nodding.  "Stability, yes!  No need to shake things up!"

Twixo spoke up.  "We're happy to see you in charge!  In couple days you take these outsiders to goblin town and clean them out!  But, what about other goblins?  Surely, they will launch a counter-attack.  How you plan to defend against that?"

"Hah!"  Edward laughed.  "You saw what he did to Yusdrayl, right?  You should've seen him take on a wraith!"

ratNAROk cheered.  "Yeah!  I bet you had no idea little Meepo could kill a ghost!  If those goblins knew better, they'd be packing their things to leave right now."

Meepo would have blushed, if kobolds could blush - and if he weren't sitting on a throne trying to look majestic and under control.  "I plan on taking the fight to them!  My friends here aren't done with those goblins yet.  We're gonna push forward, clean them all out, and then the whole Chukujrulus tribe will have the entire citadel to spread out and settle."

"Clean them out!"  Varn got excited.  "We won't have to fight for our place anymore!  We could grow our numbers in peace!"

"All very promising."  Magre looked Meepo up and down.  "But do you have what it takes to lead?  These adventurers don't intend to stay, do they?  A few days ago, you were scraping dragon dung from the floors.  What strength will you have when they leave?  Can you stand on your own and command the tribe without them?"

Meepo withdrew a pouch from his belt, and dumped its contents onto the floor.  Fifteen goblin ears and five hobgoblin ears smacked against the cold stone floor.  "If anybody doubts me, they're welcome to come and see for themselves.  As for my friends, they are welcome to stay for as long as they wish and are to be treated with respect."

Space Pants glared at Magre, fixating his gaze intensely upon him.  Following this, the kobold spoke.  "I... yes, I see.  I am sorry to cast aspersions upon your leadership.  Your allies are guests here, and shall be treated with hospitality."

"Good.  So, I have your support?"

"Yessss..." Magre narrowed his eyes, wondering why he had said that, and slinked out of the room behind the other leaders.

Space Pants turned to Meepo.  "I don't like his tone."  Then, bored, the cat set his eyes upon Erky, standing in the corner and trying to stay out of this.

"Erky went into a rage."  The voice of Momuz Freeman entered Erky's thoughts again.

"Nope."

"Erky went into a rage."

Erky shook his head.

"Erky went into a rage."

Tormented by the incessant telepathic voice in his head, Erky closed his eyes and took three deep breaths.

"Erky went into a rage."

Erky shook his head, and waggled his finger at Space Pants.

"Erky farted, and hoped no one would notice."

"I did not!"  Erky shouted aloud, to nobody who was audibly talking to him.  Sergei backed away from the gnome reflexively.

The kobold elites were startled by the outburst too.  Meepo leaned over and whispered something to Derpe.  The kobold nodded, then fell back in place.

A single fly slipped away from Bubb and flew down the well.  "Were there not goblin prisoners?  I recall being forbidden from entering a certain room earlier.  Let's interrogate someone."

Quizno snapped to attention.  "Yes!  Those were the hostages we had captured earlier.  We were saving them for a hostage exchange.  We also have new prisoners - many of the commoners who tried to escape fell into our traps."

"Bring me some of the new prisoners."  Meepo tapped the butt of his yklwa on the ground.  Quizno left, and soon returned with three goblin commoners in tow, one small enough to be a child.  "Just one.  Keep the others there.  And shut the door."

The goblin was ushered forward towards the center of the room.  The party closed in around him, as Bubb leaned over him.  "Tell us what you know.  What defenses have the goblins set before us?"

Space Pants translated, having taken up learning to speak goblin for a lark.  The goblin stared at them all with malice, but knew he was in no position to argue.  "Down that well is the twig blight garden.  There's a massive one, called an Elder Twig Blight, that's been cultivated by skeletal gardeners.  Balsag the bugbear commands the forces on this front and has likely prepared for your assault."

"Balsag??" Alefgard laughed.

"He swears he got that name out of the book."

"I think that's with one L, said Edward."

"Ouch.  Poor guy."

"Is this Balsag the one in charge?" Space Pants asked.

"No, he's a lieutenant.  Grenl is our clan's leader, but Belak, the druid of the grove, provides for us and lets us stay here, so we do what he says."

"He's not lying," said Bubb.  "There is indeed a large twig blight down there, and the goblins are prepared.  There are six-- well, was, now five archers posted up behind barrels.  A couple of kobold zombies too, it seems."

"Kobold zombies??" Meepo exclaimed.

"You saw all that with a fly, didn't you?" ratNAROk noted.

Bubb grabbed the goblin by his collar and lifted him up over the edge of the well.

"Wait!  Wait!  I told you what you wanted to know!"

"Thank you."  Bubb dropped the goblin.  His cries echoed up the well as he fell, growing fainter, until ending with a sickening thud on the soft dirt below.

"Quizno, take the others back to their cell.  Let them think about what happened here."  Meepo directed, and the elite guard complied.  The door opened only briefly, but in that short window, the horrified look on the other two goblins' faces was plain to see.

"Okay, me next!"  ratNAROk channeled his fighting fury, entered a rage, and leapt into the well, falling the entire eighty feet down and landing on top of a zombie, who had wandered over to eat the recently dropped goblin.

"Oh," said Meepo.  "Okay, I guess we're doing it this way then."  Meepo picked over Yusdrayl's belongings, set aside for him after her corpse was removed.  Beside the throne were her spell focus - a stone rod set with an amethyst on its head - and the sacrificial dagger they had found in the dragonpriest's tomb.  Meepo took the dagger and gave it a closer inspection - masterwork quality, and silvered, too.  A perfect symbol of Meepo's new station.  He pried the amethyst out of Yusdrayl's spell focus and handed it to Derpe.  "Here, you're in charge while I'm gone.  Let's go!"

Spoiler: "OOC" (click to show/hide)

I just need to take a moment to mention that ratNAROk actually paid a Morgan Freeman sound-alike to voice a bunch of lines so he could play them on a sound board at Space Pants's command.  The lengths these guys have gone to troll this poor NPC are staggering indeed.

[KenboCalrissian]

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

The cavern beneath the well glowed with violet luminescent fungus that clung to the walls and ceilings, and grew in tall stalks upon the dirt floor.  Rotting vegetation, various mushroom species, and cave animal remains covered the floor.  The air was damp and chilly, and smelled of fresh peat.

ratNAROk slammed onto the zombie's back from a height of eighty feet.  Timing his strike right, he took the silvered, masterwork greataxe he'd pilfered from the Tax Collector on the Noble's Layer in both hands and crashed it down through the zombie's head, as his feet landed squarely on its back.  The zombie splattered from the impact, but did nothing to break the mighty mouse warrior's fall.  The force of the ground stopping him sent shockwaves of pain through his legs - but that's what the small, ferocious barbarian liked.  Already in a battle trance, ratNAROk shrugged off the fall and stood to survey the scene.

The first thing the barbarian saw was the large, ten-foot tall shrub in the middle of the room.  Several smaller shrubs dotted the dirt floor, which had been tilled as a garden, but the aforementioned skeletons were not present.  Three stacks of barrels served as barricades for goblin archers.  There were five in total, plus the rotten corpse of a sixth who looked like it had been the victim of an Inflict Wounds only moments ago.  The goblins were apparently too surprised by ratNAROk's sudden appearance to take a shot.  A few more kobold zombies wandered around near the well entrance, disorganized, perhaps having fallen in battle trying to take this front - or, by falling down the well by mistake one day.

Roots crept up from the ground and tried to wrap around ratNAROk's ankle.  The meadowguard bounded out of the way.  The soil turned as more roots began wriggling up out of the ground.  The giant shrub turned, and let out a shrieking, rattling hiss.  Most of the bushes in the area started moving, revealing themselves to be twig blights.

"Oh, yeah.  That's what I'm talkin' about!"  Delighted for the opportunity for another fight, ratNAROk sliced another kobold zombie in half to get it out of his way, then took a running leap at the elder twig blight.  He latched onto its back and held on as the raging shrub shrieked and scratched at him.  One claw attack hit critically, but the other missed - it couldn't quite grab ratNAROk to throw him off.  The elder twig blight thrashed and crashed through one of the barrel barricades, knocking some goblins aside.  The smaller twig blights moved in to attack ratNAROk, trying to get him off of the bigger one, but none could quite reach the squeaking hellion.

"Holy..." Erky looked down the well.  "He just-- he just jumped!"

"Better get after him, then."  Alefgard took hold of the vines growing along the sides of the well and started climbing down.  Erky followed after him.

While meditating during their last rest, Zumies had found his way to the secrets of a few new magic spells.  Climbing would take too long, and he had a shortcut.

"Bubb, Sergei, Edward, Space Pants, Meepo!"

"No," said Space Pants.

"Eh?"  Meepo, still looking over Yusdrayl's things, wasn't quite close enough to the well for what Zumies wanted to do.

"Okay, then... You three, jump in after me!"

Zumies jumped down into the well.  Sergei, Bubb, and Edward looked at each other, shrugged, and jumped in after the rogue.  Before they landed, Zumies cast Feather Fall, slowing everybody down to a safe landing.

Once his feet hit the ground, Zumies stepped up to the nearest kobold zombie and shot a crossbow bolt through its face.  The zombie remained standing, but Bubb finished it with Toll the Dead. 

An opening cleared, Sergei rushed towards the northern barricade and breathed fire on the goblin archers, and the twig blight that had sprouted there.  One of the goblins covered itself, the other was not so lucky.  The twig blight disintegrated into ash.

"Hah!  Prepared, were they?"  Sergei turned to shout a Rallying Cry at ratNAROk.  "You've got it right where you want it, little man!  Hack it to kindling!"

Edward landed with his lute in hands.  "Easy, now, you ugly blights!  Sleep, and go down without a fight."  Casting the spell around ratNAROk and the giant elder twig blight put the goblins and the summoned smaller twig blights supporting it to rest.

The goblins, having done a terrible job of guarding the main front, fired off a couple shots, then turned to flee out the northeast door. 

The elder twig blight shook itself, but ratNAROk held on.  Glowing with radiant fury, he stood on top of the hulking mass of twigs and hacked at it, striking critically and tearing away its woody appendages.  The elder blight shrieked again - and three more shrubs came to life and joined the fight.  Again, they reached up the side of the elder blight to grab ratNAROk and get him off, but the mouse continued to evade their grasp.

"Hah!  You're going to have to do better than that to stop me!"

Erky looked down.  He was still about fifty feet up the well, but could hear the sounds of combat intensifying.

The gnome cleric-barbarian sighed.  "Well, if the rat can do it... HYEAAAAH!"  Erky went into a rage, and let go of the wall.  Coincidentally, the last of the kobold zombies had just wandered over to munch on the goblin that was dropped earlier, and the corpse of the zombie that had already gone over to munch on that.  Erky landed on all three of them, slashing down with his scimitar.  The landing wasn't quite enough to kill the zombie, but it was pinned beneath him.

Zumies threw a Fire Bolt at a twig blight.  It waved its branches around in a panic as it went up in flames.  Bubb cast Toll the Dead on one of the escaping goblins, ensuring it never reached the door.  Sergei cut down the surviving goblin at the north barricade with his masterwork longsword, then chopped down the twig blight standing between him and the rest of the fight.  Edward began dispatching the sleeping twig blights around the elder, stabbing one with his rapier and killing it without resistance.

Alefgard, Space Pants, and Meepo made it to the bottom of the well - just as goblin reinforcements stormed in from the northeastern door.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Bring all you want - I'm not afraid of anything!"  ratNAROk hacked again at the elder twig blight, radiant energy empowering his attack.  More of the fiend was reduced to wood chips.  The elder blight swiped, landing another good scrape across the mouse warrior's back, but still failing to get him off its back.

Alefgard launched a firebolt at a twig blight, reducing it to ash.  Zumies did the same, then attempted to hide behind a pile of sticks that made up a former twig blight. 

Erky hacked again at the zombie beneath him, finishing it off.  He looked around for his next target, and saw ratNAROk - laughing and chopping merrily away, covered in his own blood, ignoring what looked to be pretty massive wounds. 

"Ack-- that mouse is gonna get himself killed!"  Erky stood up and pushed forward through the fray towards ratNAROk.

Sergei shouted, "Then cover him!  He's almost got it down!"  The dragonborn ran towards the pack of goblins that had just entered and laid into them, wounding one but not quite killing it.  His positioning, though, blocked the path of the reinforcements towards the elder blight.

Bubb moved in and shot a Guiding Bolt at the elder twig blight.  The giant shrub howled, and reacted by throwing four thorns at Bubb.  Two of them hit, piercing his warforged body.

A twig blight swung at Sergei, but the fighter Riposted the attack, parrying the blow and thrusting through an opening to fell the monster.  "Hah!  Nice try."  Meanwhile, Edward pierced another sleeping blight through what he approximated to be its heart.

Space Pants looked towards the door where the goblins were coming from, and pulled a small bit of butter from his spell pouch.  With a magic word and a wave of his hand, the ground beneath the goblins grew slick with Grease.  All the goblins in the area near the door, except for one archer who hadn't managed to escape yet, slipped and fell prone.

The other goblins swarmed Sergei, as he was the only target they could reach.  The dragonborn took a few scimitar slashes, dodged a couple of arrows, and countered with another Riposte.  The goblins grew wary, seeing their advance so easily stalled by one fighter.  Sergei snorted a puff of flame from his nostrils and pounded his shield on the ground, daring them to come closer.

Meepo cast Toll the Dead on a goblin, but was a little overwhelmed by the scene of the battle when he cast the spell and dealt minimal damage.  Zumies snuck up behind that goblin and stabbed it in the back, bringing it down instantly.

ratNAROk took another swing with his greataxe, but missed.  The elder blight shook and, this time, threw the barbarian off his balance some - ratNAROk managed to hang on, but barely.  Alefgard threw a Fire Bolt at the elder blight, but missed. 

"Ugh, he needs help but he'll never admit it."

"Already on it!"  Erky slipped between the enemies, finding a path to ratNAROk without provoking attacks, and cast Cure Wounds on him.

"I'm good, I don't need it!"

"You'll take it, and you'd better thank me - I have to stop raging to do that!"

"Thanks - just don't get hit!"

The elder blight finally landed both claws on ratNAROk, including a critical hit.  ratNAROk resisted the damage, but it was still a lot.  With both claws on the barbarian, the elder blight tried to pull him off its back, but ratNAROk grabbed onto a branch and held on.

"Oh no, you're not getting rid of me that easily!  You're done for!"

Bubb reached the elder blight and cast a powerful Inflict Wounds upon it.  The blight's branches withered, but - despite all the damage it had taken so far - it still stood, but perhaps not by much.

Sergei cut down two more goblins, as a third missed with its attack.  Edward continued slaughtering sleeping enemies, piercing the throat of a goblin archer.  Space Pants missed a Fire Bolt, while Meepo rushed forward to add another healing touch to ratNAROk.

"This one oughta do it..." Alefgard took aim and launched one more Fire Bolt at the elder twig blight.  The giant bush erupted in flame, and it thrashed and lashed out in a fiery rage.  ratNAROk caught on more hit from its claws before it went down, and he leapt off and landed gracefully, covered head to toe in sap and blood.

"Kill thief!" Edward called out.

"That's how my KDR is so good," said Alefgard.

The body of the elder blight swelled.  Its body burst with thorns, peppering everybody nearby with a parting shot.  The thorns tore through the remainder of the sleeping twig blights, and all except Sergei - who had his back turned - dodged the thorns.

"I didn't know you were that spry!" Edward poked fun at Alefgard.

"The wonderful thing about Alefgards..." the wizard cracked his back.  "I ran away with a circus for a time.  Watch my back handspring."  For no reason at all other than to celebrate their victory, Alefgard performed a backflip.

The battlefield settled.  One goblin archer had managed to slip past the Grease and through the door, likely to alert enemies ahead.  For a brief moment, all was calm enough for the party to decide what to do next.

[KenboCalrissian]

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Ten goblin bodies - between them, five short bows and four short swords - were currently serving as fresh fertilizer for the blight garden, or at least they would be if all the blights weren't dead as well.  The battle won, the party went at ease, basking in the violet, fluorescent light emanating from the fungus all around them.

As Bubb's flies picked over the bodies, the cleric searched the goblins, collected all the coins they were carrying, and divided them up.  "Here.  9 gold and some change for everybody."

"Kinda cheap for taking down such a big guy, isn't it?" said Edward.

"What about that?" Sergei pointed at the mass of branches and vines that was the elder twig blight.  "Something must have created such a large mass.  Surely there must be a device of some sort to find."

"Good idea," said Alefgard.  "Let's all take a few minutes to search it thoroughly."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

After five minutes of picking through the tangle, no one was able to turn up anything of value.

"Bummer," said ratNAROk.  "Well, you know what that means!  We gotta kill some more goblins and try our luck again."  The barbarian failed the notice the twitch of a goblin's finger near his feet.

At this point, four kobolds climbed down the vines of the well shaft equipped with daggers and slings - Snicko, Toblero, Butterfingo, and Shibe. 

Butterfingo stepped forward.  "King Meepo!  We heard fighting, and we came to see whether you were safe!  We are at your command."

"What are you doing?" Meepo exclaimed.  "I told you to stay up top!  It's too dangerous here!"

"But... but we want to fight in your glory!"

"Go stay up top and keep the others safe.  I've got this.  We've got this."

Dejected, the kobolds turned around and climbed back up the vines, muttering as they went.

Before them stood three paths - there was a rough passage visible towards the north, a closed door to the south, and the open doorway the goblins had come from to the east.  The party quieted down so they could listen for a clue.

"...I hear something," said Erky.

"Erky was beginning to like Space Pants, after all," the voice of Momuz Freeman answered in his head.

"Don't make me get the spray bottle, cat!  Seriously, though, I think I hear kobolds whimpering through that open door."

"Kobolds?"  Meepo turned with purpose.  Without waiting for the rest of the party, Meepo walked through the door.  The next room featured two rows of dragon-carved pillars, much like rooms they had seen before, with three doors on either side of the hall.  Luminescent fungus covered the pillars and walls, and the cracked cobblestone floor was covered in black and brown stains.  Tables lined the walls, covered with mortars and pestles, tools, mushroom stalks, and plant specimens.  He already knew what else he was about to find.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Hostages.  He recognized these ones, too - Larro, Curlo, and Mo.  Long had the Chukujrulus tribe been at war with the goblins, so much that the practice of capturing and trading hostages in exchange for brief truces had become commonplace.  We had four before, and I don't know how many they captured as they were fleeing.  I have no clue how many of us they might have, but I think we've got more than they do.

One of the goblins spoke.  "Stop!  Surrender now, or we kill 'em!"

Space Pants peeked through the door to get eyes on the goblins.  Seeing Zumies getting ready to sneak in, he cast Invisibility on the rogue.  Then, he sent a telepathic message to Meepo.  "When it happens, untie your friends."

Both invisible and wearing Boots of Elven Kind, the rogue was as inconspicuous as the wind.  Zumies slipped into the room, sneaking between a pillar and a kobold to get around it.  He bumped into the kobold, but it kept its cool, realizing it was being helped and staying still to keep the goblin holding it from becoming aware.

At that point, with no warning or visible act of spell casting, a glowing crown of thorns appeared over the head of the goblin who had spoke to them first.  With a crazed look in his eye, he looked at the nearest targets - two of the kobolds, and the goblin next to him - and chose one at random.  The goblin cut down the kobold standing in the center.

"No, not him!"  Space Pants cried out.  "That's not who I wanted you to-- damn, I'm gonna have to be more specific next time."

The goblins looked over - they didn't know who cast the spell, but the glowing effects of the spell made it obvious the goblin was under something's control.

"They're attacking!  Now!!"

All at once, four of the six doors in the hall burst open, with Meepo standing alone in the center.

"Raughh!!"  A bellowing roar came from Meepo's north.  With blinding speed, a bugbear - a ferocious, hairy beast, wearing hide armor, an iron codpiece held up by a chain, and wielding a nasty spiked morningstar - burst through the door and rounded the pillar, swinging his morningstar at Meepo in the same movement.  The surprise attack clocked the kobold across the jaw, knocking teeth loose.

"That's him-- Balsag!" Alefgard called out.

"He swears he got that name out of the book," reminded Edward.

A pack of giant rats, apparently tamed by the bugbear, swarmed out and circled around Balsag and Meepo.  Numerous goblins came pouring out of the warrens as well.

"It's show time, boys!"  Sergei moved ahead and threw a dagger, but it was narrowly deflected by a goblin's shield.  "Don't back down, Meepo!  We're right behind you!" Sergei shouted a Rallying Cry at his kobold ally.

Edward studied the bugbear a moment, and then grinned.  He grabbed his lute and began strumming - starting with low notes, strumming rapidly and reaching higher notes, Balsag's iron codpiece began to get hotter, and hotter, and hotter.

"Ow-- OW!!"  Balsag danced back and forth, searing pain assaulting his namesake.  Meepo took advantage of the distraction and placed both hands on the bugbear's chest, Inflicting Wounds and causing serious necrotic damage.

Careful so as not to remove his invisibility, Zumies withdrew a dagger and carefully started cutting at the kobold's restraints.  He was able to loosen it enough that the kobold's hands were probably free, but still looked to be tied up.

"The jig is up - cut them down!"

Just as Zumies had begun to free a kobold, the goblins decided they had no further use for them.  The goblins stabbed them in their backs, and they fell to the ground, lifeless.  Zumies, still invisible, backed against a wall and swore to make the goblins pay for this.  Now, he just needed to wait for the right moment.  Three lives for the three they took.  Let's go.

Bubb raised its hands, and a buzzing sound filled the air.  In the middle of the battlefield, a Spiritual Weapon -a spectral sword with giant fly wings - appeared and started swinging at the goblins.  ratNAROk charged in and put pressure to the goblins as well.

"Baboon, get in there!"  Alefgard directed.

The baboon - who had been summoned from Alefgard's bag of tricks a day ago - ran into the room, its teeth bared, screeching as it found a target - and then, as it neared, its body faded and disappeared.

"Ah... oh.  Darn.  I didn't even ask its name."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Image provided by Alefgard

Balsag squirmed his way out of the searing hot codpiece.  Exposed and winded from the targeted attacks on him, he leapt away, dodging a slash from Meepo's sacrificial dagger as he ducked behind a pillar and reached for a vial on his belt.

"Not so fast!"  Meepo rushed forward, before Balsag's giant rats could move in to cover him, and launched a Guiding Bolt at the bugbear before he could drink his healing potion.  The bolt pierced his hand, his torso, and his other hand, and then Balsag fell over, dead.

The giant rats screeched in rage, and swarmed all around Meepo, seeking revenge for their fallen master.  The goblins, shaken after watching their lieutenant killed, moved in as well, surrounding Meepo on all sides between two pillars.

"Rats!  Get away from him, you mangy vermin!"  Sergei stepped up to the door where the rats and Balsag had come from, and cut into the nearest rat.  He looked around - the other rats were already out, moving too fast for him to get a good look at them.  He could see two more goblins still in the room, waiting for space to come out.  "I'll hold them off here!"

"Don't worry, Meepo, we've got you!"  Edward shouted a Healing Word at the kobold, just in time.  Scimitars slashed, teeth gnashed, and Meepo took flanking assaults from all angles.  He dodged about half, surviving but cut up badly.  Just as he thought it was over, he turned and saw the last rat, different from the others.  Apparently overlooked in the midst of the fight, one of the rats was much smaller than the others - not a runt, but gaunt, skin clinging to its ribs, one eye bulging from its head, oozing pus down its cheek.

"Uh oh."

The diseased rat lunged and, with Meepo surrounded, found an easy spot to sink its teeth in.  Meepo yelped, feeling the burn of infection immediately.

With the goblins and rats all focused on Meepo, Zumies brandished his daggers and stepped out of hiding.

"Now."

A flash of steel, and one goblin was dead.  Zumies pulled the knife from its back and, before any could react, snuck behind another who had climbed on top of one of the tables and sliced an artery in its thigh.  He then slipped back into the shadows, moving towards the back of the room where the enemy wasn't looking.  Two down.  One more to avenge all three.

Space Pants mocked the goblins.  "You should give up!  We killed your leader, we trashed your home, and we're not stopping there.  Throw down your weapons and we might let you live."

The goblins looked at each other, then at Balsag's body.  One by one, they started to lower or drop their weapons.

"Faster."  Bubb directed its Spiritual Weapon to strike down one of the goblins who hadn't yet let go of its sword.

"They're not stopping!"  One of the goblins shouted.  "All for themselves!"

The goblins snatched up their weapons and rushed in, insulted by the ruse.  Erky put himself between a goblin and Alefgard and blocked a strike from a scimitar with his own.  ratNAROk laughed as he laid into more goblins, his silvered greataxe gleaming as it sprayed blood where he swung it.

"Fair enough."  Bubb grabbed the nearest goblin by its throat, picked it up, and channeled energy into a more powerful Inflict Wounds.  The goblin rotted to death as it struggled in Bubb's grasp.  First its left arm fell off, then its right, then its jaw as it opened its mouth to scream.

Another goblin retaliated, striking at Bubb with his scimitar.  "Wow, you fight dirtier than we do!  Too bad you're gonna die here!"

Edward heard a noise behind him.  Just in time, he'd turned around to see a zombie - one of the goblins they'd killed in the previous room, coming through the door behind them where they came from.  "Crap!  Where did you come from?"  Edward stuck the zombie with his rapier, but it wasn't quite enough to bring it down.  He turned his head and shouted another Healing Word at Meepo.  "Hang in there, we're right behind you!"

Meepo caught his breath.  There were six combatants on him, and a pillar on either side - nowhere to run, hopeless to fight them all.  He knew he wouldn't survive another round like this.  He glanced down at his sacrificial dagger - taken from a dragonpriest, gifted to his clan leader, and then taken back from her when he took her place.  The silvered blade was polished to perfection, and for a moment, he saw his reflection in it.  To come so far, for it to end like this...

Then, he had an idea.  A small, silver mirror... That's it!

Meepo held the dagger in both hands and plunged it into the ground, through a crack in the cobblestone floor.  A brilliant light surrounded him, casting a Sanctuary to protect him from further assault.

The rats, still furious about losing their master, refused to comprehend what was happening, and each attempted to bite Meepo through the protective field.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

With impeccable timing, all three giant rats happened to strike the field at the exact same time, failing impressively.

"Wow, what are the odds of that?" said Alefgard.

Zumies shot a crossbow bolt through the skull of a goblin that wasn't looking.  Glancing around, he saw one of the archers panicking and heading towards the north door on the far side of the room.  He moved ahead, slipping behind a pillar with his daggers drawn, and waited for the goblin to reach the door.  With its back turned to Zumies, it hesitated when it reached the door to open it - Zumies took his attack of opportunity then, given a moment it had to pause before getting away, and killed it before it could open the door and call for reinforcements.  That's four.  Keep 'em coming.

In the room Sergei was blocking, one of the goblins had opened and rummaged through a chest inside, while the other attacked Sergei through the door.  Finding something useful, it shouted something in goblin.  Its partner disengaged and stepped back, and the other goblin stepped forward holding a scimitar in one hand, and a bucker in the other, forged of nickel silver and featuring a large spike on the front.  It slashed with the scimitar, and then made a punching attack with the pointed buckler, catching the dragonborn off guard with a poke to the ribs.

"Oof!  They're getting desperate."  Sergei glanced around, and nearly did a double-take.  "ratNAROk!  You're covered in blood - and most of it's you're own!  Tell us when you need healing!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine!"  ratNAROk ignored his wounds and continued to attack recklessly.

"You'd better stay on your feet, mouse!"  Edward used another Healing Word to keep him in the fight.

Space Pants held Nightcaller in his hands.  It had been twelve hours since he had last used it, meaning it would be another twelve before the artifact's magic returned.  "Man, where's Cutter when I need him?"  Space Pants blew the whistle anyway, blatantly disregarding the rules of the item.

Somewhere, something smiled.  The corpse of one of the slain giant rats rose as a skeletal rat.  As its bones slid from its skin and stood on their own, it began attacking its fellows.  Space Pants blinked.  He tried to identify what had happened, but was at a total loss.  All he knew was that that shouldn't have worked - and it felt like something might have helped him.

"Huh... I'm sure that will have absolutely no repercussions down the line."

Frightened by the sight of the skeletal rat, the goblins turned and focused their attention on it.  It landed a good bite or two, but was not as hearty as the other skeletons the device had risen, given the item was only half-way charged.

"And, that's it.  Cutter 4 is down.  Great.  Wonderful.  Fantastic job.  Who am I kidding?  Nobody will ever beat the original.  Hey Erky, remember when Cutter 1 dragged you back to us?"

Erky cast Cure Wounds on ratNAROk - but just then, a goblin leapt on top of a table next to him and caught his ear with a scimitar.  "Yargh!!  I'm kinda busy here, cat!"

"Wait... Durnn was 2, who was Cutter 3?" said Edward.

Space Pants pointed at Bubb.  "Him, and he still ain't doing what I tell him!  Nobody follows orders like Cutter Classic did."

Alefgard cast Thunderclap to knock down the zombie that was sneaking up behind them.  "Any more?"

Edward peeked his head through the door.  "I don't see any.  There were kobold zombies down here too, right?"

"Yeah, but what's raising them?  We didn't leave anybody back there, did we?"

The rats continued striking at Meepo's sanctuary, and even a couple of goblins tried to get through - one did, but failed to connect with its scimitar.  The battle raged on, the party still trying to carve a path to Meepo while the kobold held the center of the room with his magic.  In the wake of their leader having fallen, the goblins were determined to finish this fight, one way or another.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[KenboCalrissian]

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Meepo had a sudden flash of insight - somehow, by some malfunction of the cosmos, the kobold was briefly able to see the entirety of the dungeon.  "Ack!  Forbidden knowledge!  Meepo not supposed to see!"  The kobold shook off the vision and returned his focus to the fight, doing his best to delete the illicit map image from memory.  Perhaps it was a side effect of the rat bite?

"Embrace it, dragon-kin," said Alefgard.  "The heavens are in turmoil.  Heaven Baboon has departed from this realm, and yet is currently sharing with me vision of the empty space beyond that wall over there."

"Uh-oh, somebody done goofed!"  ratNAROk laughed at their strange fortune.  "Mods are asleep, post flumphs!"

Tasting blood and thirsting for more, Zumies snuck up behind the last goblin archer, aimed his crossbow, and fired.  The bolt whizzed by the goblin's ear, just enough to blow the wind by it.  Zumies hid behind the pillar before the goblin could turn, lying in wait for his next moment to strike.

Space Pants took a beat and assessed the situation, trying to identify the weakest target.  He recalled the sickly looking rat - the one that had bitten Meepo - being little more than skin and bones, likely able to be felled in one hit.  On second thought, the cat considered, that goblin that just came out the door with the buckler is gonna get another whack at Sergei - and Sergei's standin' between me and it.  And there's another standin' next to him, so double the fun.  Space Pants conjured a globule of acid in his hands and lobbed it at the goblins in the northern doorway, melting the closest into a puddle of steaming goo.  Bubb's flies buzzed excitedly at the sound of sizzling skin.

Erky missed the goblin standing on the table before him, and braced for a counterattack.  The goblin's scimitar slashed down upon his head, cutting his brow and streaming blood into his eyes.  Erky cried out.  "Gah!  Guys, I'm not doing so good!"

"Too bad you're not a cleric!" Space Pants called out.  "Oh, wait!  Erky, I have great news!"

"I swear to Thrathdad, cat!  If I go down, that's one less healer to keep you alive!"

"That's what I was gonna say, Erky!  You're never gonna believe this, but... you're a cleric!  You can heal yourself!"

The goblins surrounded Meepo, filling in space between the rats to cut off his escape.  Mustering its will, one of the goblins took its scimitar in both hands and charged through Meepo's sanctuary, landing a solid hit through the protective spell!

Bubb sat down in the pile of bodies it was currently standing on top of, and a swarm of flies lunged out from its metal frame.  The flies latched onto and devoured the nearest giant rat, picking it clean where it stood.  ratNAROk pushed past Bubb and cut down the goblin that had got in front of Sergei.  "Hah!  Who's next?"

Alefgard stepped behind Erky and threw a firebolt at the goblin on the table.  The bolt hit, but only singed its ear.  "Yikes... Welp, that's my turn!"  The wizard ducked away behind the wall out of sight.

"Oooh, oooh.  Don't worry," Heaven Baboon spoke to Alefgard from beyond.  "When in doubt, always look for banana."  Alefgard nodded sagely.  He wondered what deep wisdom the baboon spirit must have been offering.  Perhaps it was just hungry.

Edward and Alefgard heard a moan behind them.  Turning, they found another zombie, risen from the corpse of another goblin they had killed earlier.  The zombie slammed Alefgard with a fist, then it reached out, ready to grab him.  Edward reacted first, turning to poke the goblin with his rapier through its eye.  The zombie went down, but Edward looked a bit winded.

Alefgard asked his friend, "You alright there, chief?"

Edward was struggling with the weight of the shield he had found earlier.  "Yeah, just... getting the hang of this!"

"You're not proficient with that, are you?"

The bard sighed.  "No, not really.  I have to drop it every time I want to cast a spell."

"Scoop up that buckler off that goblin when we're done with this fight, that looks more your size."

Edward stepped back into the garden area they had been in before and scanned the room for signs of movement.  There didn't appear to be any other zombies at the moment, but perhaps if he watched from here, he could try and figure out why the bodies were rising.

Despite being the smallest and weakest of the pack, the diseased rat was the only one of Balsag's pets left.  Still enraged at the demise of its master, it was determined to fight Meepo to the death - but it bounced harmlessly off the side of the kobold's Sanctuary shield, failing to grasp the magic keeping it at bay.

Zumies remained under the cover of shadows.  Seeking to prevent further escape attempts, Zumies put his tinderbox in his Mage Hand - which was a bit more agile than a typical wizard's Mage Hand, on account of his roguish legerdemain - and floated it over to the corpse of the goblin he'd left in front of the door on the East side of the room to set it on fire.  "That's one way to make sure these bodies don't come back as zombies... I'm not one for the stench, though." 

"I am!" said Bubb.

Space Pants, to the bewilderment of everybody, screamed, "Don't worry, Erky, I'll help you!" 

"I already don't like where this is going," the worried gnome replied.

The felis was about to cast Fire Bolt on the goblin standing on the table in front of Erky, but then got an idea.  Instead, he tried to strike the leg of the table, seeking to set it on fire, if not topple it.  The shot missed, buzzing just a little close to Erky's ear as it went by - just close enough to let him know it was there.

"Hey!  Watch it, cat!  I really can't afford to be screwing around right now!"

"Another satisfied customer," Space Pants said with a nod.  With a wink, he sent a quick little telepathic jab at Erky, sending the voice of Momuz Freeman to say, "Erky healed himself, a selfish act as he watched his allies falling in battle before him."

Erky snorted.  "Allies, huh?  That's a good one."  The gnomish acolyte-turned-barbarian parried around the goblin's sword, patting himself with a Cure Wounds as he did so to patch himself up. 

The remaining goblins, sensing they were beat, started to fall back.  The first tried to take a swing at Meepo, but again could not get around his sanctuary.  It then nimbly escaped away towards the door to the East, but in doing so, ran by the lurking rogue without spotting him.  Zumies lunged like a waiting trap spider, taking full advantage of his Sneak Attack since he hadn't used it earlier, and assassinating the goblin before it ever had a chance to see what hit it. 

The second goblin took a shot at Space Pants with its short bow, but Sergei blocked its vision with his shield to grant Protection, causing the shot to fall wide.  It, too, nimbly disengaged and ran away, but struggled to get over the table between the wall and the pillar.  Bubb's Spiritual Weapon, currently a giant sword with fly wings, swooped over as it was clambering up the table and killed it.

"Hm..." Bubb considered.  "Not glorious enough.  For the next one, I'll try something more direct.  Such as... just one big giant fly.  This would be more pleasing."  The cleric then turned its attention to the remaining goblin in front of Erky.  Flying out of its metal frame, the swarm engulfed the goblin and began nipping at its flesh.

Alefgard peeked out around the corner, spotting the goblin bearing down on Erky.  "Don't worry, Erky, I gotcha."  The wizard pointed his finger at the goblin to cast a Fire Bolt - but in the heat of the moment, his finger slipped and he used the wrong gesture, causing the bolt to shoot out as a jet of flame instead!  The flames engulfed Erky, roasting his back and burning off the hair on the back of his head.

"Yeowch!!"  Erky leapt up in surprise, reaching around to try and pat out the flames.  "Seriously, you too, Alefgard?!  I was starting to think you were one of the good ones!"

Alefgard shrunk back, sucking in his breath.  "Ooooohh... yeah, that wasn't supposed to... Uh, two for flinching!"  Alefgard slinked back behind the wall, mentally reciting the gesture in his head over and over to remind himself of the mistake.  Heaven Baboon shook its head and considered how to explain this deed on the records.

Meepo spun around, seeing Erky in trouble, and cast Toll the Dead on the goblin on the table.  Its brains leaked out of its ears as it fell to the ground, which the flies immediately set to lapping up.  Glancing about, it seemed there were no other targets left posing an immediate threat.

"Sergei, get in here!"  Edward called the dragonborn into the twig blight garden room.  "We gotta figure out why these zombies are rising."

Sergei wiped goblin blood off his blade and headed into the previous room.  He looked around at the bodies of the goblins they had slain before, lying among the chopped vines and the ashes of the twig blights.  Fixing his eyes upon a corpse, Sergei noticed a twitch of a finger.  Then, another, on a different body.

"There.  The corpses... they're moving."

"Huh..." Edward studied the room.  Though he was not a student of magic like his friend Alefgard, he'd gathered enough through his own experience and hearsay to identify the magical energies at work.  "There's necromancy at work here, for sure.  It's coming through the dirt."

"The dirt..." Alefgard placed a finger on his chin.  "Makes some sense.  We've heard Belak is a druid, no?  Perhaps we're safe on these cobblestone floors."  The wizard furrowed his brow.  "...Druids aren't typically necromancers, though.  Hm, what was the legend surrounding the apple we're tasked with finding?"

"Oh, Meepo know!"  The kobold spoke up.  "Each summer solstice, the goblins take a fruit from the Gulthias Tree within, and sell it to the town of Oakhurst up above.  The apple is said to have incredible healing powers, but only one grows per summer solstice.  I've heard there's a white one that grows in the winter, too, but I don't know what they do with that one."

"Gulthias!  Of course!"  Alefgard snapped to attention.  "Why didn't I pick up on that sooner?  I recognize that name... Long ago, there was a vampire named Gulthias who commanded territory like it was his barony."

"A vampire??" Edward was alarmed.

"Yes, but I know of no connection between that vampire, and a tree at the bottom of a dungeon.  It could be a coincidence.  It's been so long since anybody's heard of him too, I'm not even sure he's around anymore."

"Well, it's not a stretch to suggest that a vampire might be responsible for raising zombies.  Let's keep our wits about us."

Space Pants walked over, looked down at the pair of goblin corpses stacked in the doorway to the garden, and said, "Yeah, I'll stop 'em."  The felis shot a Fire Bolt at the bodies and started a fire in the doorway.

"Hey!"  Edward, still in the garden room with Sergei and Alefgard, turned with a start.  "We're still over here!  You just blocked us in!"

Space Pants said, "I just saved your life," and walked away.

"...Thanks?"  Edward looked at the bonfire in the doorway left by Space Pants, and turned to Sergei.  "You're fire-resistant, right?  Mind laying over that so we can walk across your back?"

Sergei snorted and kicked the fire out so they could leave the room and close the door behind them.

Erky healed himself again to cover the damage from Alefgard's accidental fire blast.  Seeing the gnome was nearly out of spells, Meepo helped him out with a stronger healing spell to top him off.

"Ah... Thank you, Meepo!  Y'know, for a minute there, I really thought you guys were gonna let me die."

"Eh, you're fine," Alefgard tried to wave it off.  "I could've burned you again and you would've lived."

Erky was cross.  "Y'know, for a little bit I was starting to think you might've actually had my back.  You almost killed me!"

"It was an accident," Edward stepped in.  "Chill out, Erky Twerky."

"Grr..."

Bubb's flies spread out to the most wounded of the party and buzzed into their ears and nose.  "Approach the light one," they whispered.  "Do not resist."

"...Yikes, uh, what?"  ratNAROk considered swatting the flies away.

Bubb said, "Relax, I just mean 'come closer so I can heal you.'"  Bubb began a Prayer of Healing.  Over the next ten minutes, those receiving healing were subjected to flies crawling in and out of their wounds and ears.

"This is incredibly unpleasant."  Sergei, who had taken the most damage after Erky, had no choice but to let the flies do their uncomfortable work.

Zumies immediately took to checking bodies, starting with Balsag.  The bugbear had been carrying a wicked morning star, crafted of wood but menacing with iron spikes.  On his belt were three healing potions and a pouch containing 15 gold pieces.  Tucked under his hide shirt was a scroll.  Zumies could tell it was a wizard spell, but would need to Identify it.

"I can take care of that."  Edward swipes a few flies away from his eyes as he takes the scroll.  "Should know what this does by the time these... err, bugs, are done with whatever they're doing."

Alefgard paused to inspect Bubb's Spiritual Weapon.  The giant, spectral fly looked all around with its thousand eyes, clinging to a wall with its six hairy legs.  "Fascinating... I've never had an opportunity to inspect magic such as this up close."  The wizard turned, with a slight worry.  "Is, ah, this is still 'divine' magic, right?"

"It certainly is something, isn't it?"  Bubb said with a nod.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"One of those goblins had a shield or somethin'," Space Pants said as he began inspecting the northern rooms for loot.

"Yeah, I was interested in that!"  Edward said.  "A buckler.  That would work a lot better for me."

"This one's got a big pointy bit on the front of it," said the felis sorcerer.  "Don't let the elf have it, I see him eyeing it up."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Space Pants inspected the north-central room.  On the table in the center, there were crude armorer's tools, which had been in use repairing a goblin's hide armor when the party had interrupted.  There were some weapon and armor racks nearby.  On the armor racks, Space Pants found a second buckler.  This one was a little different from the first - instead of a spike, this one was rather light, and better suited for parrying.  Rather than provide a flat defensive bonus, this parrying buckler would allow better resistance to damage as a reaction to dodge.

"There you go, now you two don't have to fight over 'em."

Bubb finished his Prayer of Healing, and Edward simultaneously finished identifying the scroll.  It turned out to be an unusual spell, called Jim's Magic Missile - the hypoallergenic, gluten-free dart of magical force.

"...Huh!  That's a weird one, alright."  Alefgard tucked the scroll away into his pouch for later.

"Hm, this is weird, too..." Edward held up one of the healing potions procured from Balsag.  This potion was a little peculiar, seeming to be sourced from an earthy, natural remedy, instead of the typical inky red potions they were used to seeing.  The contents smelled like fresh dirt and moss.

"I bet that tastes as good as it smells," ratNAROk blanched.

"You just say that because you don't like being healed," said Meepo.

"I bet these were crafted here," said Edward, looking around at the implements on the tables in the room around them.  Mortars and pestles, ground herbs and mushrooms - the druid's laboratory seemed the most likely source of these potions.

"What do we got going on down here?"  Zumies stepped into the South-central room.

The room before the rogue and sorcerer held a grisly scene.  A diseased giant rat lay dissected on a table, cut wide open with its organs removed.  On its face and body were woody tumors with stem-like appendages sticking out.  On a fancy stand in the corner was a crystal vial that seemed to contain some kind of clear liquid.

"Arright, so first thing I'm gonna do is set that rat right on fire."  Space Pants shot a quick fire bolt at the rat to make sure it didn't get up.

"I'm sure we'll need to identify this."  Zumies pocketed the vial for later inspection.

Meepo coughed.  The bite from the giant rat was starting to burn, and his vision seemed to be getting a little blurry.  "Oh no... I think I have Sight Rot!"

"Here, let me help you."  Erky placed a hand on Meepo and cast Lesser Restoration.  "That's all the magic I have left for the day."

"Erky searched the room looking for more catnip for Space Pants," the voice of Momuz Freeman followed the gnome.

"You guys want to pile into one of these rooms and try to rest?" asked Edward.

"Considering everyone's out of spells, yeah," said Alefgard.  "Which room?"

"Preferably not the one with the diseased, burning rat," said Zumies.

"How about this room up here?"  Space Pants walked into the Northwest room, which had a row of bunks lined up against the back wall.  "Look, it's got my bed in it."  The cat plopped down on the comfiest looking bed.

"Good, you can stay in it."  Zumies claimed the bed in the corner, leaving a bed between him and Space Pants.

"Ah, thanks for saving me a spot."  Alefgard walked up to the bed between Zumies and Space Pants, disrobed completely, and jumped into the bed, completely naked.

Edward shook his head.  "Don't mind him, that's just how he sleeps.  This is exactly why I don't sit on my couch at home anymore."

"Don't even try giving that away," said ratNAROk.  "I'd just drag that right onto the street and burn it."

"Erky," said Space Pants, "remember that time Alefgard tried to set you on fire?"

Erky rubbed the bald spot on the back of his head.  "Rings a bell..."

"Cool.  Just seeing if you remembered."

Edward pushed the goblin bodies out of the doorway and blocked it shut.  "There.  Now we should be able to get a good rest in."

The bard and the cat took the first watch.  However, both quickly became bored, and decided to work on Space Pants' stand up routine.

"What's faster than an elf with a tree cap quota?" said Space Pants.

"I don't know, what?"

"...Wait, I told it backwards.  Um... nothing!"

"Try it a bit simpler, like this.  'Where do elves vote?'" tried Edward.

"I don't know, where?"

"The North Poll."

"That was stupid, here's this one.  Why does Zumies keep getting stronger?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Because his coinpurse keeps getting heavier.  From all the stealing."

"Hm, you gotta think a little too hard for that one.  Here's one: An elf, a human, and a dwarf walk into a bar.  A halfling walks under it."

"Did you know, Edward, that Elven firing squads stand in a circle?"

"What's the rudest type of elf?" said the bard.  "'Go eff yours-elf.'"

"How do you stop an elf army on horseback?" said the sorcerer.  "You turn off the carousel."

"There you go, that's better!"

Before finishing their impromptu elf roast, Space Pants turned over the room.  He found a few pouches of assorted coins, a rough stick used as a toothbrush by a goblin, and various other personal items belonging to the enemies they had just slain.  Space Pants placed one gold and one silver under each sleeping party member's pillow, with a little note saying "You've been visited by the Space Fairy."

Alefgard, Bubb, and Sergei took the next watch.  Sergei vigilantly watched the door, if for no other reason than to avert his eyes from the bare naked wizard, who didn't even have the decency to cover up with a blanket.  It wasn't long before both heard movement outside.

Alefgard lifted his head up from the bed.  "Time to wake the others?"

"Time to put some clothes on, human."

"Never."

Alerted to the sound, Bubb snuck one of his flies under the door to peek outside.  A pack of three skeletons carrying gardening hoes and a goblin were being lead by a bugbear, carrying a scythe and dressed in green burlap robes.  Surprisingly, the bugbear managed to spot the fly coming out from under the door.  Having heard enough about these intruders by now, the bugbear pointed at the fly and directed the skeletons to approach the door.  The goblin, on the other hand, turned and ran out the north-east door, presumably to alert others.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Inside the room, the warforged cleric turned to its companions.  "I regret to inform you that we've been made."

"Damn it," said Edward.  "Alright, weapons out!"

Space Pants bolted out of the room.  "Hey!  This ain't the party I ordered!  Those cats don't even have any skin on 'em!"  He waved his paw angrily at the skeleton gardeners.

Sergei pushed past Space Pants and shouted, "Who are you?  State your business!"

The bugbear was taken aback.  "I should be askin' you that!  You're the intruders here!  Look at all these bodies!  This is our home, man!  What are you doing here?!"

Edward groggily walked to the door and said, "Who's your dead friend?"

Despite their combined intimidation attempt, the bugbear puffed his chest and stood his ground.  "You don't scare me.  Turn back now while you got the chance!"

Meepo came out and cast Toll the Dead, but missed.  Zumies tried to aim a crossbow bolt between the pillars, but it ricocheted off the second pillar and missed.

"Let me handle this," said Space Pants.  "Only way I'll get back to bed quickly is if I do it myself."  The felis subtly brushed up against the bugbear's mind and cast Suggestion, leaving the idea in its head that it should flee.  "There must be a hundred dead goblins down here.  We don't stand a chance!  I should make a deal with them so I can leave..."  The bugbear considered, but shook off the suggestion, still refusing to budge.

"Allow me," said Erky with a slight grin.  Stepping out into the middle of the hallway, the gnome pointed at the bugbear's scythe and said, "Drop it!"  His Commanding voice compelled the bugbear to drop the scythe with a clatter, his knees shaking.

The skeletons moved in and each took a swing at Sergei with their garden hoes.  With surprisingly-well synchronized movement, the goblins timed their swings in such a way that they catch Sergei completely blindsided, bouncing one hoe off his collarbone and another under his ribs, dealing two critical blows.  "Oof!  I'm going to need another rest after this one!"

At this point, Alefgard gets up, still totally naked, making only half an effort to cover himself with a bedsheet.  He stopped at the door, shouted, "What's going on out here?!  I'm trying to get some sleep!" and threw an Ice Knife into the group of skeletons.  The icicle exploded into shrapnel, shredding all of them almost completely down.  Shaking his head, the wizard turned around and stumbled back to bed.

Edward laughed, "You should fight naked more often!"

Sergei sliced one, and then another, felling the skeletons easily now that they had been weakened.  Edward assisted Sergei with a Healing Word, and Zumies snuck in a shot on the bugbear with his crossbow.  The bugbear resisted a Mind Spike from Space Pants, at which point the cat said, "Alright, you guys can finish him, g'night," and went back to bed himself.

"Typical."  Erky hit the bugbear with a Sacred Flame, but it remained standing. 

Bubb stood before the bugbear and let it take in its terrifying visage.  Maggots crawled out of its face as it stood over the bodies of its fallen brethren, as the bugbear itself stood there alone, unarmed, and helpless against a party of foes that just kept growing in number.

"He's shakin' in his boots!  Git 'im!"  ratNAROk hefted his greataxe in both hands, entered a rage, and hurled his greataxe as hard as he could at the bugbear.  Unfortunately, the meadowguard barbarian misaccounted the weight and dropped the blade about ten feet in front of him.

Alefgard, hearing the commotion still hadn't settled, rolled his eyes and stumbled back out the door.  "Oh, would you just shut up already?"  The wizard launched an empowered Ice Knife at the bugbear, cutting it badly with more exploding ice.

"Yes, good," said Heaven Baboon from beyond, "Hurry back to bed, so we may resume our adventures in dream land!"

"I love you, Heaven Baboon."

"Does anyone know what the naked wizard is talking about?"  Meepo asked out of genuine concern. 

Trembling, frozen, outnumbered, alone, unarmed, and surrounded by bodies, the bugbear did the only thing that made sense; It ran away.

ratNAROk started to chase after the bugbear, but stopped when he realized his party wasn't following.  "C'mon, he might rally more!"

"If we don't finish our rest, we won't get our spells," said Edward.

ratNAROk sighed.  "Fine."  The mouse jammed the handle of his greataxe through the handle of the door to jam it.  "Back to bed we go, then.  Let's finish this in the morning."