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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 312765 times)

TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1560 on: December 11, 2015, 04:10:21 pm »

Memories, memories like phantom ghosts
Of those that I once knew. I had a friend
Who sat upon that stool, and we talked politics
Or fantasy, together over nights that never seemed to end.

That piano, you know, has seen ten thousand hands
Shaped like my own. Eyes that saw just the same
As mine, and heard familiar noises from the lands
Around once sat and listened, curious as I am.

Polished mantle and silver couch, drenched in the tears
Of those who came before. Old Oak tree in the front,
That I hung a tire in to swing, which it was said
Was once my great-great grandfather’s haunt.

Dark wood, old tiles, old beam, rough seam.
Buildings out back no longer in their use
As barn, or farm, or house.
It seems a vision when I see, it seems a dream;

An image from the past. Ten times ten thousand hands
Rebuke or praise me for each action that I take.
Father in the kitchen, mother beside the fire
Talking as I tried to remain – in vain – awake.

This is my home, and it was my family’s home.
It was their cradle, and their tomb
Just as it will be mine when I am gone
And newer voices sound inside my room.
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Emma

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1561 on: December 11, 2015, 05:28:27 pm »

Using the prompt - "A warm day in a cold place" I present my entry for the competition,

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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1562 on: December 13, 2015, 12:58:25 pm »

:/

Two people is not a big enough number of submissions, really.

I'll extend the competition at least another week.

If I don't get some more subs, it's not enough to really make it worthwhile doing.
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TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1563 on: December 13, 2015, 01:01:46 pm »

I'll definitely get one done in that time. I have essays for Monday, but after that I'm free.
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1564 on: December 13, 2015, 01:08:28 pm »

Memories, memories like phantom ghosts
Of those that I once knew. I had a friend
Who sat upon that stool, and we talked politics
Or fantasy, together over nights that never seemed to end.

That piano, you know, has seen ten thousand hands
Shaped like my own. Eyes that saw just the same
As mine, and heard familiar noises from the lands
Around once sat and listened, curious as I am.

Polished mantle and silver couch, drenched in the tears
Of those who came before. Old Oak tree in the front,
That I hung a tire in to swing, which it was said
Was once my great-great grandfather’s haunt. ( The word order here suggests the tire is the g-g-gdad's haunt, which obviously isn;t the case. )

Dark wood, old tiles, old beam, rough seam.
Buildings out back no longer in their use
As barn, or farm, or house.
It seems a vision when I see, it seems a dream; ( The shorter line seems to break up the rhythm of the poem here. )

An image from the past. Ten times ten thousand hands
Rebuke or praise me for each action that I take.
Father in the kitchen, mother beside the fire
Talking as I tried to remain – in vain – awake.

This is my home, and it was my family’s home.
It was their cradle, and their tomb
Just as it will be mine when I am gone
And newer voices sound inside my room.
I really quite like this one.

What do you think of mine? First poem in a decade.


I'll definitely get one done in that time. I have essays for Monday, but after that I'm free.
Glad to hear it.
I'm hoping for four submissions, at least.
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TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1565 on: December 15, 2015, 08:52:58 am »

Spoiler: On surrender (click to show/hide)
Well it really depends on what you intended. Still, I added some notes showing how I personally would have done it.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2015, 09:56:10 am by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Tiruin

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1566 on: December 17, 2015, 09:14:49 am »

:/

Two people is not a big enough number of submissions, really.

I'll extend the competition at least another week.

If I don't get some more subs, it's not enough to really make it worthwhile doing.
Err, um...could I ask what the competition is? .__.;
I've been working on poetry to send to good friends over email or PM, but seeing the recentmost posts being on poetry...I'm curious and interested! :D
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TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1567 on: December 17, 2015, 09:26:33 am »

Gigla's Writing Competition
-Prepare your keyboard-

Prompts:

Spoiler: 1 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: 2 (click to show/hide)

Also, ohhh poetry. I like me some poetry - I like seeing people writing it :P
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1568 on: December 17, 2015, 07:28:57 pm »

Is there a word that means 'warrior in training'? As generic as possible. Thx.

Right now I'm using 'trainee'.
Apprentice. Squire (for knights).

I won't ask, sure. Not going to force you.

You could edit your posts together rather than triple posting.
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TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1569 on: December 19, 2015, 11:10:14 pm »

The lantern prompt. I tried something new, not sure if it worked well, but it's late and I'm going to sleep, so there :P

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Amperzand

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1570 on: December 20, 2015, 06:26:26 am »

I feel that this is something I must become involved with.  Participation will occur when it's not 3:26 AM.
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Quote from: Shadowlord
Is there a word that combines comedy with tragedy and farce?
Heiterverzweiflung. Not a legit German word so much as something a friend and I made up in German class once. "Carefree despair". When life is so fucked that you can't stop laughing.
http://www.collinsdictionary.com

TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1571 on: December 21, 2015, 07:01:49 pm »

So, I started writing this for the lantern prompt, but gave it up as a lost cause. It's just one paragraph, but as I'm going to delete the word file I may as well post it here first.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Is there a word that means 'warrior in training'? As generic as possible. Thx.

Right now I'm using 'trainee'.
Apprentice. Squire (for knights).

I won't ask, sure. Not going to force you.

You could edit your posts together rather than triple posting.
Also, I think the word "childe" applies if you're looking for something archaic.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2015, 07:04:49 pm by Th4DwArfY1 »
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1572 on: December 21, 2015, 07:11:46 pm »

I feel that this is something I must become involved with.  Participation will occur when it's not 3:26 AM.

Was this referring to the competition?

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Amperzand

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1573 on: December 21, 2015, 08:53:09 pm »

Wasn't even aware there was one. Just saw this right before going to sleep and thought it seemed relevant to my interests.
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Quote from: Shadowlord
Is there a word that combines comedy with tragedy and farce?
Heiterverzweiflung. Not a legit German word so much as something a friend and I made up in German class once. "Carefree despair". When life is so fucked that you can't stop laughing.
http://www.collinsdictionary.com

TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1574 on: January 05, 2016, 09:16:51 pm »

Is anybody else going to enter the competition?

Also, a bad dream I had. Wrote it for a prompt earlier today.

Dark. Like a harvest field at night,
When stubble strews the slopes
With shadows made of stalks.

I'm standing there, a porch with one
Frail candle staring out the wind.
An old man, head of white – the darkness drips
Around his jowls and in his jewelled eye
To make strange contrast. Please don't speak…

...But he does. It is a dream; of course he does.
And each word falls like serpent slime
Onto the ground before his slippered feet.
The sign squeals its uneasiness, and I agree
But cannot twist my form away. As phantom man,
I hear. He speaks, and this strange thing he says:

Aye. They came here, the folk, if it please you.
Ten years they come. I sit and watch. It's like a river,
Do ya ken? I suspect you do. All life a river.
Some end sooner. Term-in-ate, aye?
These young ones found some thing here.
They walked beneath our boughs, smelled of our flowers
But in the end they paid their price. As we all do.

He creaks. Bones, chair or floor?
I do not know. I do not ken. Is that the word?
I do not know. There is something here – I feel it
In my bones, see it in the air, smell it around. But what?
I am confused, sad, scared and sure that somewhere
There's a form. Swaddled deep in blankets – deep in sleep
Who'll think of this come morn and smile. But now there's only black
And some strange feeling of a harvest field
That not long since has felt the reaper's hand.

He continues, gums displayed in gruesome grim.
Found 'em later, he sighs. Beside the creek -not in,
You see, but up above. The boughs they liked,
Aye, and the boughs they had. The last they had.
He creaks again, and to my horror I can see
The river bank within my head. He keeps his chant,
But now it spins me, turns me, cleaves me from my sense.
I feel the weight of glazed out eyes staring from up above,
Death staring from their tree-top tombs.

And then the horror. I can discern, like leaves in gusting wind
The rustling crackle of the killer's breath. It's on my neck
It's on my neck. It's here. Beside me. 'Round me. Shadows see,
The darkness hears. Oh, light, it's here! And then the vision swirls
As in a fierce storm, and I see me run. Through the trees. I can only think
That those dead eyes ran this same path I tread. And I can't bear it,
No, not right now. A clack echoes, and I think gun, metal, hard caliber
But it seems that it's only him – his story done, he tells me. Thanks for listening.
A piece of paper flutters on the porch, some paper telling of the deaths.
So many dead for one small town, all strung in trees like Christmas lights.
And then I know. I know as much as I know of the bed I'm in. Darkness gathers
Around my erstwhile story teller, and I know.

He killed them all, and now my time is up. The field will see the reaper now.

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