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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 312827 times)

Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #705 on: February 17, 2014, 08:29:16 pm »

It's so great to see this thread active again. I'm preparing for the story in line for after the Nathaniel Cannon story I'm wrapping up now, and I've been doing some character studies in an attempt to get a better handle on the main players. It's definitely been helping. Here are two of them.

Spoiler: Sif (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Falthejn Arnarsson (click to show/hide)

GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #706 on: February 17, 2014, 08:54:31 pm »

WRITER'S APPRENTICESHIP FLASH FICTION CHALLENGE 2014: FEB17-FEB24

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Skyrunner

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #707 on: February 19, 2014, 09:17:04 pm »

So..when are Draig's reviews being posted?
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Tiruin

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #708 on: February 19, 2014, 09:24:53 pm »

So..when are Draig's reviews being posted?
I cannot post my stories in time. Draignean, I'm very sorry.
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Draignean

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #709 on: February 20, 2014, 12:19:16 am »

So..when are Draig's reviews being posted?
I cannot post my stories in time. Draignean, I'm very sorry.

NP. I actually feel better about this now that it's extended to a ten day cycle. Admittedly I wanted this out on teusday, but close enough. 

Anyway, everyone but Skyrunner had their reviews pasted already. I would also like to amend that I was on crack when I told Gigglemesh that round shouldn't be used like that. I would like to further amend that statement to: "shouldn't be used like that, in that situation".

 
Results of Draigcorp Writing Contest, Round 1!


5th Place: No Exit
Final Notes: Good style, good concept, I simply can't place it in a group of short stories. If this goes on to be developed into a later series of short stores, I'll be ecstatic, but it's just a setting drop as it stands now.

4th Place: Anonymous
Final Notes: 4th and 3rd were a close pair, and I eventually dropped this one down a notch for two major reasons. The first is that I'm not sure what trope (or troop, as I poorly punned in your review), you're playing with. The scene seems to have more in common with the stereotypical themes than it has against them. Other than a Blackadder, I'm not certain how you'd play with this.
   My second concern is the viewpoint. I didn't hit this on your main comments, and I really should have. VP provides the filter through which the audience experiences something, and in doing so shapes the entirety of the piece. However, there are moments in your piece where the VP is confused between the Commander and soldier who gets shot. Pick one or the other, and stick to experiences that only they can perceive. I think that you can improve this piece a lot by settling into one of those two and giving the reader more depth.

3rd Place: Tyrant (Originally Unnamed by Skyrunner)
Final Notes: This is one of my favorite kinds of scene. There's something about "Oh you thought -you were the hero/I was the villain-?" that gets my spine tingling. I do, however, have reservations about the pacing and general tone of each of the characters. I had difficulty believing that the villain was terrifying, or that the hero was a regime shaking force of idealistic might. Like most death scenes, this is very definitely an area where less is more. Every line that the villain says as he dies takes away the power of the scene, every line makes him less powerful, the contrast last poignant. You have the moment in the beginning of the story that provides momentum, the stabbing and subsequent death cycle of the tyrant. Every single line after that bleeds away your momentum.
   I think you should try to write this scene exclusively from inside the Tyrant's head, if only as an exercise. I would like to read that story.
Spoiler: Story with Critique (click to show/hide)

2nd Place: The Onslaught
Final Notes: God, but I hate placing top pairs. The deciding factor in dropping Onslaught was its lack of on-scene characterization. I understand that your protagonists doesn't have any backstory because of the type of piece this is, in fact I would find it downright strange if you took a break from the alien invasion to spend a paragraph describing the hero. The problem is that you missed occasion after occasion where you could put the reader in the terrified mind of the rookie. You withdrew from the scene using passive or neutral language when you should have been grabbing the reader by the collar and ramming them into it headfirst. There is a lot of potential here, but it needs more character.
I'm assigning you this. Very little information is given about the background of the various characters in the beginning, but you get a feel for everyone very quickly. It's also depressing as hell and, in my opinion, a poor representation what a short story can be. Still, I can't deny that it has style, and I certainly can't deny the writer's skill.

1st Place: The Contract
Final Notes: I debated long and hard over this, but the Contract takes first because it was the story that fascinated me the most. Granted, the rumination it inspired over the future of a police force designed to counteract increasingly polarized forces may be completely off-base, but it made me think. Which is what short stories are supposed to do.
That being said, you need to do some serious work. The ambiguity of the contract needs to be fixed, as does the reasoning for the main character's death. I can theory craft all the hell I want, but there's a certain frustration in not having enough of the puzzle pieces to make a fridge logic "Aha! So that's why it happened!" moment. Nice work, but it needs more of that nice work.

DOOMBLADE, CHOOSE THE NEXT PROMPT

« Last Edit: February 20, 2014, 12:23:30 am by Draignean »
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Skyrunner

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #710 on: February 21, 2014, 05:59:52 am »

Yes, I think I like your critique :P Valid points overall, and I would love to write again for this. 10/10
I also see how this would have worked a thousand times better as seen from the tyrant's pov if I really wanted it to be long, since dying people usually die rather quickly.

(Also the part where you joked that the tyrant clearly has a huge lung capacity made me laugh :3)
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #711 on: February 21, 2014, 12:08:06 pm »

...I was so sure the upper limit was 2000 words. *siiiiiigh* Damnit, I blame Draignean and his different standards. I rushed towards the end, realizing I had gone over, how terrible.

In any case, futuristic air combat, our favorite topic.

Spoiler: A Bird Cage (click to show/hide)
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Draignean

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #712 on: February 21, 2014, 10:41:40 pm »

Short-ish Fiction Contest: Draigcorp 2014 Edition
"Oh no, not again."


Rules
Your story must be greater than 250 words.
Your story must be less than 10,000 words. (Translated into average paperback pages, that's ~40 pages.)
Your story must be submitted before Sunday at whenever-I-start-grading (and preferably earlier) to be considered.
Your story must respond to the prompt (in some way) in order to be considered for grading.
You cannot win twice in a row. You may be ranked first, but you can't get the benefits of 'winning'.
You can submit a story either in the thread or by pm. If you submit by PM, your story will remain anonymous.

You Can
Submit stories from a larger body of work, as long as they fall within the word limits.
Write in any kind of style you feel like. I really don't give a damn and I've read pretty much anything.
Write poetry. Bear in mind that I am not a brilliant judge of poetry and will be a very wishy-washy critic in that regard. Note: Poetry is exempt from wordcount.

You Cannot
Write stories of graphic sexuality. Forum rules, blah blah blah. Keep Reginald's quivering member to yourself. Sex is fine, just don't make it the centerpiece of the story.
Write nonfiction. I don't care if it's a spectacular history of central Asia that explains Kazakhstan's multi-vector politics AND somehow fits the prompt. NO. Bad brain!
Submit the exact same story twice, even if it fits two prompts. You must evidence clear and substantial revisions before you can re-enter an old piece.


How this Works

   Every week there will be a prompt submitted. You then have the rest of the week to work on your story. You can submit anytime between the start of the contest and the Sunday the week after the contest begins. The deadline for stories is the end of that sunday. (8-14 day window) If you post after that deadline then I won't consider your story for the rankings and you can use it another time.
   That sunday, or in the week following, I will declare someone a winner and rank the rest of the stories. I will provide critique along with each piece. It may not be substantial, but I guarantee you that I will read it and point out the parts of it that I think work best and the parts that need the most work. I will avoid being mean, but I will also avoid telling you something is awesome when I think it needs work.
   Then, after I declare a winner, that person declares the next prompt. Then the process repeats. If the winner doesn't post a prompt by the end of Monday, I will post one that night. The winner can also waive the right to make their own prompt, but I can't imagine anyone doing that. I may also veto the winner's prompt and write a new one of the occasion calls for it. Fanfic, since it you need knowledge to write in it, is a banned category for prompts. (Not, however, for stories.)

Prompt 2. Submissions open 2/21 - 3/2

Prompt:  "Choose an emotion or feeling. Use this feeling as a character, be it an avatar of said emotion or a character who personifies this emotion. Now pit said character in opposition to, or as a foil to, another character of an opposing emotion." (Original)

So, basically, Design one character around an emotion, and then put them in a story with a character who is designed around the an opposite or opposing emotion. Both characters must integral to the story. (Revised)

Get Writing.

Spoiler: FAQ (Updated 2/21/14) (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: February 21, 2014, 10:47:33 pm by Draignean »
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Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #713 on: February 25, 2014, 12:14:05 pm »

Limerick's long been one of my favorite poetical forms—I enjoy the challenge of fitting a story into the strictures of the rhyme and rhythm scheme. Usually I go for funny, but I was challenged to write a tragic limerick, and this is what I came up with during my lunch break.

In a town by the shore—Port Mahoning—
Once lived a young girl—Ida Douning.
She perished at sea.
They say at the lee
Of the churchyard you still hear her moaning.

TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #714 on: February 25, 2014, 12:54:05 pm »

I like regularity in my poetry. For example, one I wrote at MY lunch time  :P

All worlds in fiery discontent
Are burned-and purged-their beauty spent,
And though the flowers and petals bloom
They all are falling to their doom.

In myth the Grand are emphasised,
No mention given to their fate
Whereby they lived upon a world
Divinely filled with Godly hate.

Mayhap the world is all alone
Without a hand to help it thrive;
But why should we have will to live
Afraid to breathe and be alive.

Perhaps our God is loving us,
Or maybe he is far away,
But long was our eternity
That darkness took beneath its sway.

O come, my friends, and look about.
Beneath the brown decaying earth
There thrums and sings a molten heart
Which lends all things a golden worth.

But O! The world is harsh and cold
Without a light to brighten it.
Our Father, Lord and God above
Deserves to know- He is unfit.


Also, I feel I should say that I mean no insult to those who disagree with the message in it. I don't even agree, it's just an idea I had.

Oh, and another that I wrote there now.

The world to ruin and dark shall fall,
Our hopes and dreams are fleeting things.
Our doom it is to always fall
And never know a life that sings.
A music fills all worldly beasts,
And rises from a hollow land.
The bird that flies can hear the tune-
It whistles when the wind is hewn
By mountains grey that dwell on high.
Oh, to be a beast and hear that song!
To walk amongst those noble men
And hear their voice, and sing along.
Oh, to be about the haunting land,
Where time is naught but drifting sand,
And hold aloft my faceless fear
And, touched, then shed a single tear.


Alright, time to start the challenge.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2014, 02:14:09 pm by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #715 on: February 25, 2014, 02:45:00 pm »

I like regularity in my poetry. For example, one I wrote at MY lunch time  :P

Either you have a longer lunch break than me, or you're a whole lot better at poetry. :P I did another one waiting for a build to finish:

Afar, mourners from hymnals are singing—
Here, Jack from the gallows is swinging—
He swings there alone
to the dolorous tone
of the crows 'round the scaffolding winging.

TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #716 on: February 25, 2014, 02:55:14 pm »

Oh no, your poetry is good. I just don't like the last line in Limericks, it feels too long and unwieldly to me, and that's for all Limericks. I prefer common (Ballad) meter or sometimes Sonnet.

Also, a combination of our poems seems to make this thread seem depressing  :)

I usually write happier stuff, but hey. No telling what you'll end up with when you start to scribble something down.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2014, 02:59:10 pm by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #717 on: February 25, 2014, 03:18:48 pm »

I just don't have the patience for longer schemes. :P

GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #718 on: February 25, 2014, 05:42:15 pm »

Draignean Contest - Opposites

Really couldn't think of anything good for Draignean, so went with cheerful/ grumpy. Blargh. Cliche.

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Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #719 on: February 27, 2014, 10:00:53 am »

Th4DwArfy1, you may be interested to know that I tweaked my dark limericks to make them more quatrains, and I think I like them a little better that way—a friend of mine commented on the awkwardness of the long last line-sans-a-punchline, too.
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