Become older and wiser. Surely the way shall become evident.
Also, you'll have a badass beard.
Seeing that I now not only have Saiyan Toady and his posse to worry about, but also an army of elven future soldiers, it's quite obvious that this fight has quickly gone from bad to bullshit.
In order to discover a way to summon the most epic heroes Dwarf Fortress and(hopefully)turn the tables of the battle, I conclude that I shall need more wisdom than my current age can supply me with.
I then spend the next few moments staring intently at Toady&friends until I feel I have aged a sufficient amount. Being technically older and presumably wiser than I was before, I attempt to think up a good hero summoning technique, yet come up with nothing.
This requires slightly more drastic measures. Everyone seems well done with waiting around, and while I enter lotus position to meditate on my current conundrum, soldiers charge into the crater firing waves of lasers, while the others ready themselves for what will surely be a grand battle.
The last thing I remember seeing before closing my eyes is the kitten taking down a fighter jet, while the beard strangled several soldiers with its tendrils of hair, and the guinea pig man snatching the hammer and swinging it down in an attack that was likely directed at me. Saiyan Toady was spinning circles with his arms out while floating in mid-air. Hard to tell, but it would seem he was pretending to be a helicopter.
Eyes closed, and falling into a deep and sudden meditation, I watch everything that has happened thus far flash before me, all the alternate ways things could have happened, and everything that has yet to happen. I become one with everything, even the flow of time itself. Then, in a sudden epiphany, it is clear what must be done to summon the heroes of Dwarf Fortress.
After what feels like a good ten minutes of meditating, I open my eyes to find myself in a massive circular temple of some sort. Towering pillars encircle it, along with large hanging banners, colored red and black. In the center of this temple, sits Flesh Liberator. How on earth did it get here? And why does my skin seem more wrinkled than before? And why do I have such a long(and incredibly badass)beard all of a sudden??
Admit you were outmatched and hope he spares your life.
As I get up to stretch, I take a moment to think about just how much of a threat the toad man was. If it weren't for my unbelievable strength and cunning(and hyper-powered spearsword), he and his comrades no doubt could have ended my life. If he were here right now, I would have no choice but to tell him that he has certainly been a more than worthy opponent. But he isn't, so I won't.
Now then, what the hell am I supposed to do now?
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: ??
Badassery Level:
MAXIMUM.
Location: Massive mysterious temple.
Inventory: Pocket lint, 413$, some(very)old drugs.
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Topic: You are Me, Chapter IV: Into Lands Unknown (Read 130765 times)