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[Chilton]

Now, I can only hope that Cugo doesnt kill you off.
If Cugo killed you off, MY Plans could not be enacted.

Drat.

[Mitchewawa]

Hey guys, my character is going to be angry; that doesn't reflect me however


A legendary armoursmith by trade, they told me to protect this small outpost through constant work in the forges. My, look at how large this place has grown...

Too large if you ask me. Can't find anything around here.

So I've been working here for quite some time, I didn't care about the politics of this place. Overseers step down every year for god knows what reason, and it's that time of the year again. Kraos was supposed to take over the next shift, but I suppose he took a blow to the face in the Red Light district of this miserable, cold place and fell into a coma. Psh... Anyway, they calls a meeting with all the dwarves who aren't sick or injured or stupid and make a raffle of who gets the chore of overseer. And of course my name gets picked...



Shit.

The posh noble dipshits give me a verrry short list of instructions before... I don't know, going off to that Red Light district of this place or something. Among the instructions (featuring such objectives as 'Make Floodgates   1/1), I found maps. Haha! Now I will never get lost on my way to the pisser in between sleeping, working and drinking!



What the fuck? That's the piddliest fucking defence I've ever seen!
From left to right:
-The strangest cage layout to ever exist, ever.
-A cowardly bridge to lock out glorious battle greenies and greenskins.
Note to self: Previous overseers scared of a little blood?
-A corpse stockpile (I assume to scare away trolls).
-Another bridge, this one serves no purpose. If I let them in the first one and lock them out of the second one, what am I supposed to achieve exactly?
-Two doors. Woo.

As you can clearly see, we are fucked. No defence. At all. I'll work on it.

As I was sorting through these useless, confusing maps another dwarf walks in. Calls himself the 'Dwarf Therapist'. I don't trust anyone with the word 'rapist' in their name, but he turns out to be quite useful. He tells me he has a list of every dwarf and their jobs.

I look through his boring ass list and my draw hits the fucking ground. To put it lightly, every single dwarf is missing half of his/her labours that they're skilled as. Either those of the past didn't have access to this guy (he smells kinda funny and is a little giddy, either because he loves lists or is a rapist) or they felt that 1 carpenter, 1 armourer, 1 doctor for each field (except suturing which had none), 2 furnace operators and 2 shit weaponsmiths.

How we do not have a single master weaponsmith baffles me; after how many years...?

Anyway, one problem at a time. First off; turn off all hunters. Hunters are suicidal idiots and I hate them. Well, they did one cool thing...



That's badass. Werewolves are cool as shit. I referred back to the maps to see what to do now...



You probably can't tell from that sketch, but that's disorganised as shit. To put this into perspective; take half of the workshops, you know... bowyer, craft, still, mason, carpentry, etc...

Then mix them around in a completely profound and random manner. Craft shops scattered around so you can't find them in a hurry, mason shops in different corners, ONE still (WHYYYY), and so on.

My patience does not extend so far as to fix insanity, so I've just leave this as how it is.

Ok, next on the agenda... entrance.



Oh my god. I understand this is the previous overseer's attempt at something defence-able, but it's a god damn diagonal. It will be a pain to trap, can't put siege batteries in it and our troops will be perforated if they try to take on archers at the end of this corridor. Also, it's at the bottom of a 10 step stair way. This makes food hauling take... I don't know... a month? Not much I can do here.

Ok... invaders.

I don't need to do a sketch, but oh my god. We have a caged giant and a caged werewolf. That's awesome! Perhaps I'll hold a gladiator tournament; pitting our best and finest against the giant (which I of course dropped 5 stories and shattered all of her limbs). The werewolf shall be kept in my room. Oh, speaking of which, I have to open up the common rooms for the public. In an effort to keep the lower class down or to multiply their laziness tenfold, the previous overseers have not opened up these rooms yet. Goodie.

Apparently there's a Giant Cave Spider on the loose; they're also awesome. My reign shall be dedicated to such awesomeness; we much capture this being!



I mine a shaft to the monster; I'll put a cage trap in the corridor and open up the wall. Hopefully the dwarf who does will run and lead the spider into the trap. We must be quick; the spider may get bored and wander off before we can catch it! Oh shit, it moved.



Thankfully not too far; I've ordered the tunnel changed. In an action of both redundancy and hindsight, the only way into the caverns and outside is through the barracks. This increases travel times by like, 1000 suns, but it does mean all incursions are directed to all of our brave men and women (and the children said women carry).

Progress on the tunnel is slow; the only miner to take the job is poorly skilled and moves at a sluggish pace.

As he chugged along, I realised the high amount of cobaltite and kimberlite we have mined out. I fucking LOVE those!; that dark blue colour awesome level reaches levels of awesome unreachable by any other regular stone. Perhaps if I have time I'll requisition a chamber made out of this awesome material, featuring caged werewolf and a legion of dwarven concubines.

...Work on opening up the common bedrooms progressing slowly... ugh... must resist... urge to not care... about the common dwarf... become lazy...

Nah, I got it all. Took a fair while. Urge to let dwarves sleep on the rock floor is being replaced to axe-murder that slow ass miner. He took a break. I'll have his neck...

Wait, he got replaced by an adept. Hurray for bureaucracy! Wait, boo! The mayor 'Nix' (whose name rhymes with a more offensive one) has ordered bucklers. Bucklers! Why not shields!? Well, off to make bucklers...

Wait, we have no common metals. In fact, we have no ores either. We're running out of normal stone too. Looking through the maps I can see the previous rulers saw it fit to not mine out anything, ever. The only mining consists of the carving of the base, a straight tunnel into the magma sea and another into the caverns. I don't know who dug into the magma sea, but I commend them on missing every single cavern on their way in.

Actually, I suspect witchcraft. I have my eye on all Former Overseers... Perhaps I'll call on a witch hunt in the name of Ugrid, the god of being a fucking elvish pansy?



Hmm, 60 idlers. I'll give those lazy ingrates something to do... First, the miners shall be put to use and are to mine out a large section of the land. This area shall be used as furniture and other stockpiles, which we sorely need, such as cloth, leather, goods and whatnot. Also gems; the fact that we do not have a gem stockpile is truly, truly, truly outrageous.

Ok, the tunnel has been dug. Cage trap now being set up...



An armoursmith! Huzzah! Wait no, it's a possession. The most useless of all moods. I bet he's going to make some sort of adamantine cup (the one that goes on your balls), wasting the precious metal and he won't remember, and therefore still be a shit novice at armoursmithing. Great.

He wants for blocks. We do not have any. I would have made some beforehand in preparation for some jerk needing them, but ok... I order some rock blocks (takes a while to find the mason shop) and return to a more awesome matter; the cage trap. Wait, fuck that. I have to mine out that great stockpile room! Ok, two big rooms; one which has a lot of ore and another, closer to home, which has the stockpiles.

Hmm, noble wants lay pewter items. Hah! I don't even know what that is! Hmm, time to check on the cage trap. Yes, the dwarf is carrying a nickel cage...

Wait. The cave spider is not there.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That wasn't much in-game time; I'm still mostly just planning. Stocks are good, though I need to create more jobs. Furniture creation, my room, the stockpile room, the ore excavation, a good defence up the front are all things that spring to mind. IT'S GONE! THE CAVE SPIDER IS GONE!!!
 

[Chilton]

I kind of hope you Improve the Defenses on the Outside.

I also kinda know it wont help much.

[shadenight123]

THE FOOL OPENED THE CAVES! COME COME MY BROTHERS! THIS FORTRESS WILL FALL! the trap was easy to bypass, the spider passed through easily. Another minion of Hell in a fortress. And it was just the beginning. THE SHADOW shall have this fortress crumble.
"break?"
"break!"
"SHADE BREAK!"
"BREAK!"

[Chilton]

I come bearing Gifts!

This is what I do, Late at Night.
Well, its only 11:45PM now, but whatever, I was Inspired and Bored.
These are a bit Big, by the way.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cugo!


As He may be seen, Calligraphically Engraved upon a Wall.

Aaand...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(Also, im going to Politely Credit this fellow [http://annfrost-stock.deviantart.com/] for some of the Brushes I used to get the Ink Splatter.)

...You can decide for Yourselves what This is.
It is Written in Ink, upon a Stone Wall.
Or, at least it miiight be Ink...
But it took Two Hours to make, and is Fully Translatable. And if Translated, tells quite a Story.
It essentially Summises the most Prominent Moments in the History of the Fort so far, and makes some Predictions of some things to come.
Not from a Dwarvern Perspective, though.

I made these because I was bored.
I was going to do the other Beasts as well, but I think this is enough.

Ill just slide back into the Shadows and wait for the next Update.

[Dyg]

Wait, we have no common metals. In fact, we have no ores either. We're running out of normal stone too. Looking through the maps I can see the previous rulers saw it fit to not mine out anything, ever. The only mining consists of the carving of the base, a straight tunnel into the magma sea and another into the caverns. I don't know who dug into the magma sea, but I commend them on missing every single cavern on their way in.

How we do not have a single master weaponsmith baffles me; after how many years...?

Answer: The only metal I could find on this map was nickel, nickel, and more fucking nickel.

You probably can't tell from that sketch, but that's disorganised as shit. To put this into perspective; take half of the workshops, you know... bowyer, craft, still, mason, carpentry, etc...

Then mix them around in a completely profound and random manner. Craft shops scattered around so you can't find them in a hurry, mason shops in different corners, ONE still (WHYYYY), and so on.

Yeah, it was like that when I got there. Why do you think the job manager is legendary now? I couldn't find anything either. Though I am fairly sure I built a second still.

Edit: Yeah, actually that is the second still you're looking at in that picture. The original one is in the middle of a stockpile that is at the lower left of where you took that picture. (Along with a kitchen, farmer, butcher and tanner shops)

[Savolainen5]

I come bearing Gifts!

This is what I do, Late at Night.
Well, its only 11:45PM now, but whatever, I was Inspired and Bored.
These are a bit Big, by the way.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cugo!


As He may be seen, Calligraphically Engraved upon a Wall.

Aaand...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(Also, im going to Politely Credit this fellow [http://annfrost-stock.deviantart.com/] for some of the Brushes I used to get the Ink Splatter.)

...You can decide for Yourselves what This is.
It is Written in Ink, upon a Stone Wall.
Or, at least it miiight be Ink...
But it took Two Hours to make, and is Fully Translatable. And if Translated, tells quite a Story.
It essentially Summises the most Prominent Moments in the History of the Fort so far, and makes some Predictions of some things to come.
Not from a Dwarvern Perspective, though.

I made these because I was bored.
I was going to do the other Beasts as well, but I think this is enough.

Ill just slide back into the Shadows and wait for the next Update.

These are freakin' BEAUTIFUL!

[Chilton]

I come bearing Gifts!

This is what I do, Late at Night.
Well, its only 11:45PM now, but whatever, I was Inspired and Bored.
These are a bit Big, by the way.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cugo!


As He may be seen, Calligraphically Engraved upon a Wall.

Aaand...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(Also, im going to Politely Credit this fellow [http://annfrost-stock.deviantart.com/] for some of the Brushes I used to get the Ink Splatter.)

...You can decide for Yourselves what This is.
It is Written in Ink, upon a Stone Wall.
Or, at least it miiight be Ink...
But it took Two Hours to make, and is Fully Translatable. And if Translated, tells quite a Story.
It essentially Summises the most Prominent Moments in the History of the Fort so far, and makes some Predictions of some things to come.
Not from a Dwarvern Perspective, though.

I made these because I was bored.
I was going to do the other Beasts as well, but I think this is enough.

Ill just slide back into the Shadows and wait for the next Update.

These are freakin' BEAUTIFUL!

Thankyou Kind Sir

[shadenight123]

I come bearing Gifts!

This is what I do, Late at Night.
Well, its only 11:45PM now, but whatever, I was Inspired and Bored.
These are a bit Big, by the way.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cugo!


As He may be seen, Calligraphically Engraved upon a Wall.

Aaand...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(Also, im going to Politely Credit this fellow [http://annfrost-stock.deviantart.com/] for some of the Brushes I used to get the Ink Splatter.)

...You can decide for Yourselves what This is.
It is Written in Ink, upon a Stone Wall.
Or, at least it miiight be Ink...
But it took Two Hours to make, and is Fully Translatable. And if Translated, tells quite a Story.
It essentially Summises the most Prominent Moments in the History of the Fort so far, and makes some Predictions of some things to come.
Not from a Dwarvern Perspective, though.

I made these because I was bored.
I was going to do the other Beasts as well, but I think this is enough.

Ill just slide back into the Shadows and wait for the next Update.

These are freakin' BEAUTIFUL!

Thankyou Kind Sir

just tell me: is it mentioned that the SHADOW is there ready to destroy everything"?! *_*

[Chilton]

I come bearing Gifts!

This is what I do, Late at Night.
Well, its only 11:45PM now, but whatever, I was Inspired and Bored.
These are a bit Big, by the way.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cugo!


As He may be seen, Calligraphically Engraved upon a Wall.

Aaand...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(Also, im going to Politely Credit this fellow [http://annfrost-stock.deviantart.com/] for some of the Brushes I used to get the Ink Splatter.)

...You can decide for Yourselves what This is.
It is Written in Ink, upon a Stone Wall.
Or, at least it miiight be Ink...
But it took Two Hours to make, and is Fully Translatable. And if Translated, tells quite a Story.
It essentially Summises the most Prominent Moments in the History of the Fort so far, and makes some Predictions of some things to come.
Not from a Dwarvern Perspective, though.

I made these because I was bored.
I was going to do the other Beasts as well, but I think this is enough.

Ill just slide back into the Shadows and wait for the next Update.

These are freakin' BEAUTIFUL!

Thankyou Kind Sir

just tell me: is it mentioned that the SHADOW is there ready to destroy everything"?! *_*

It mentions a few things... I suppose one part *could* relate to a Shadow.

...THIS will though...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Jack A T]

In!

[Mitchewawa]

I need a bedroom to properly oversee. As it is I'm carrying bags full of maps like an idiot. Construction shall begin shortly; though I won't be too fancy due to nobles and their... what I like to call 'periods'. Those times where they're totally irrational and demand the strangest of things (what the hell is lay pewter?). Still, all I need is my cobaltite, my werewolf cage and the aura of authority to sleep through the day.



A humble room, a humble tomb.

I ordered all grazing animals (we still have those) to be taken the the butcher and ground up into my favourite meal; indistinguishable meat stew! Mm-mmm.

I walked around the workshop hole again; ordering rock pots to be made instead of shitty wooden barrels. I noticed there in fact more than one still. THANK ME. Now if only they were anywhere near each other, then I wouldn't of made that misunderstanding... While I was there I ordered 16 of every rock furniture (just in case). Doors, mechanisms, hatches, grates... all that 'jazz' (that's what the kids these days say, right?).



Wise was the overseer who ordered 120 drinks. Oh look, we have a zoo...



Filled with goblins. Hmm... I think we may have to expand our collection to more than just a mockery of war. When I have the time I shall make an arena for our brave men and women... But later. For now; defences! Wait no, the moody armoursmith is still there... The stone block has not been moved to his proximity. Moody dwarves will not travel the wicked 150(!!!) story staircase to collect their precious rocks and shit. I'll have the bar stockpile increased, I'll have bins churned out by the dozen...

Bar stockpiles shall be put in the staircase until I can spare miners for proper stockpiling. Idlers went from 30 to 3. Excellent. Need to expand forges, 2 forges and metalshops to 5.




At which point my game froze; I redid everything but the forge rooms and furniture orders look different.


There are many idlers waiting for the miners to finish the stockpile rooms, so I decided to continue work on the front entrance. The previous overseers are obviously elf-loving cowards; going through the old records shows that a lot of sieges were won through attrition; locking the enemy out in the cold. I suppose this is better than letting them into our completely defenceless front gate and meeting them with a shit, ramshackle militia. We're basically armourless, weaponless, outnumbered and under-trained. In order to make my reign a glorious I must first assure that all attempts for all future overseers to commit mass-suicide with their poorly thought out strategies will be saved by my brilliant forethought. My wicked intellect is a gift to these simple people...

As if you emphasize my greatness I got word that I have masterfully discovered more adamantine! Praise me! I ordered the cavern opened up and that section of the cavern walled off to predators. Can't be too careful... The adamantine shall be mined out when the miners are free of other work.



Speaking of careful I have my eye on one of the miners who calls himself 'SHADE'. I believe he's taken a blow to the head; he's acting like a man-child, raving about bringing minions into the fortress through my spider-hole into the caverns. There was a section of cavern that was opened up before my benevolent reign, why he chose mine is beyond me. Oh how I miss that spider...

Hm. Turns out the front gate was closed shut. I had it opened... seems like the ice wolves were just waiting for us. I had two squads sent out to greet them... Woah. Our mayor is a warrior! That is... retarded. 'Nix', resident mayor and bookkeeper is also a militia captain. Now, I'm not an expert on politics, but aren't mayors elected on their amount of friends? And aren't friends made through idle time spent together? I have come to the conclusion that Nix has too much spare time from training.



Yep. All squads set to 4, except one which was set to 10, meaning 0 unless they actually have 10 (which we don't). Perhaps the previous overseers were indeed, trying to undermine themselves. It's only 2nd of Slate (mid-spring), meaning I've been here a month and I've come to know that I am, indeed, smarter then everybody to ever exist, ever.

My superiority shows once more; the evil wolves ran at the sight of my organised team of dwarves! Behold my never-ending supply of great ideas, canine fools!



What the fuck?



Two of them? At least they have few titles, meaning they are probably inexperienced in the fine art of war. Uh oh, they're really close to the smithies... including that moody dwarf. Good, saves me the trouble of having to put him down. Another great success in my master plan! The entire army has been dispatched to save the others though; but if they save that moody dwarf I'm going to be disappointed.



A lot of things:
'Oh nooo, now we'll have to wait longer for retarded lay pewter items...'
'Oh tits; our forges!'
'The armoursmith is berserk? Have at the two Forgotten Beasties!'



Haha. Where are our army? Oh, there it is... They took out 1 FB without less, and the other one killed himself with his own poisonous ooze... Huzzah...



Another Beast! All the beasts are coming from the adamantine cavern I opened up! Scratch that, a fourth one has arrived.



Once more, men, into the fray! Have at him whilst we bury Zuntir Dumatbasen, that insane dwarf Likot Rashiteb and engrave a slab for that baby, Sigun Ittasoltar; the only casualties out of four beasts. Man, I'm good. Now if only they had the decency to have easy to spell names. 8th of Slade shall be a day of rememberer for their families; it will be a day of celebration for my stalwart defence of the rest of the fortress by way of burrowing out the survivors.

I need a fucking break from these beasts... I'm walling off the adamantine cavern again. Shame that; we're running low on the precious metal.


I'll dwarf people next turn. All I have so far is Jack; if you want in now is the time.

PS. Chilton, that spider drawing was the fucking bomb. I dedicate the arena in your honour!

[Chilton]

PS. Chilton, that spider drawing was the fucking bomb. I dedicate the arena in your honour!

That Spider was intended to be Cugo, but whatever
Much Obliged!

It seems I named Cugo well in the Second Image though.
Since hes now a Bringer of Death.

Incase you cant be assed to actually Translate it, I wrote;

"Call Cugo; Ancient Butcher."

And sure enough, next update, Cugo came to town and Savaged folks!
HA!

Also, in Commemoration of this Conflict;

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

There is a Face, in this Image, for every Death.
You can even see a Baby, if you look closely. Just above the last K in Mekuk.
Every Death, Commemorated.

EDIT: Wow. I even predicted the Snow Storm in that Big Image that came after Cugo!

[shadenight123]

THE SHADOW IS ALWAYS RIGHT MWUAAUHAUHAUHA
My friends have striken true! i have corrupted the overseer mind to convince him to open up the caves, and look at that! they entered! go forth spawn of hell! go forth! MWUAHUAH Adamantine is wanted by all, and doom it brings... mwauhauha.

[Mitchewawa]

Interlude, featuring character development.

I awoke in the middle of the night in a daze. I heard breathing in front of me, and as I lazy opened my eyes my daze quickly vanished. I saw a dwarf, leaning over me. I opened my mouth and air escaped my lungs. The dwarf grinned, and simply said,

"I STAPLE TAPEWORMS ON MY PENIS, SO THE FLESH WORM CAN DRINK BRAIN JUICE FROM YOUR FETUS. FEEL THE BLOOD GUSHING FROM YOUR ANUS."

And then I woke up. I had no idea what that was about, but I must be really disturbed to have dreams like that. I really got to stop smoking the rope-reed fiber.