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[fractalman]

Cats either evolved to depend on dwarves, becoming beards, or beards evolved to NOT depend on dwarves.

Why can't we give a time-dilation device to Toady?

[Arcvasti]

Because last time he ended up accidentally releasing DF v12 simultaneously at all points in time and breaking the internet. Do you have ANY idea how hard that kind of temporal mess is to clean up? Amnesiacs were administered ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Where do the goblins even GET their iron in worlds which lack it?

[ptb_ptb]

Where do the goblins even GET their iron in worlds which lack it?

They don't. They actually use "I can't believe it's not iron!™"

Fire imp soap is magma proof. How does that even work?

[hops]

Because fire imp fat is designed by nature to withstand extreme heat.

Why does the demons in human civ decide that it's a good idea to come as diplomats in dwarven fortresses and risk getting exterminated?

[Baffler]

Hubris. They fooled an entire nation of humans, they figure they shouldn't have any trouble at all fooling a few dozen drunks hiding out in a dimly lit cave in the middle of nowhere.

Why can't fortress dwarves make quivers out of anything but leather, but they're commonplace everywhere else?

[Nidilap]

Dwarves are better at hand to hand combat, and hate aiming.

What's the deal with mist for dwarves?

[fractalman]

It tricks the beard into thinking it's receiving alchohol, thereby triggering an endorphin release.  This does not apply to swimming or washing, as said activities also make the beard feel like it's drowning. 

Why hasn't someone managed to use Dwarf Fortress to summon Cthulu?

[FallenAngel]

Someone has. They don't exist on our mortal plane anymore.

Why does it seem to be impossible to carry someone, even by holding them with both hands and the ability to carry well over their weight with one hand?

[CaptainMcClellan]

Due to the quantum crunching nature of the Dwarf Fortress map 3 elephants way the same as one and a cat takes up the same amount of space as a giant roc. These discrepancies have to be made up for somewhere, and presumably it's in the subconscious of another being. While the conscience of the dwarves, minimal though it is, can carry around that heavy subconscience, the dwarves themselves cannot carry around another sentient being at the same time as they are carrying around themselves.

-Urist cancels carry Dwarf: The dwarf has soiled itself in the heat of battle.

For the lols, what happens to a dwarf who falls into the eerie glowing pits of hell?

[Nidilap]

Ooh! OOH! I've had some dwarves do that!

What happens is after the Adamantine is collected and you open up hell, two things can happen:

1: There will be demons just outside your opening, and they will slaughter your miner, then travel into your fort and hunt down any living creature they find. Alternatively,

2: You will find nothing but Smooth Slade walls, floors and sitch. You will gather a group to investigate, and they will slaughter your expedition group, then travel into your fort and hunt down any living creature they find.

Where do goblins come from?

[Bumber]

For the lols, what happens to a dwarf who falls into the eerie glowing pits of hell?

They find themselves inexplicably in an endless farm plot of maize. Urist has just found himself on a one-way caravan... into the Twilight Zone. Here he will contemplate the inevitable for time eternal.

[Aslandus]

Where do goblins come from?

They used to be dwarves, then traded their beards for eternal life. The heretical act caused their skin to turn green and they attack fortresses in an attempt to find beards to replace the ones they lost.

Why can't we make warhammers out of rock?

[Quartz_Mace]

They are too heavy to be swung effectively without tiring the user. No proud Dwarf would wield one, yet they will wield a rock sword. Why? I do not know.

Why don't Dwarves commit actual murder outside of tantrums?

[Max™]

They are too heavy to be swung effectively without tiring the user. No proud Dwarf would wield one, yet they will wield a rock sword. Why? I do not know.

Why don't Dwarves commit actual murder outside of tantrums?

No noble dwarf would do this, only the most cursed and insane wretches would dare... possibly also needs better emotions from toady doing the rewrite which will hopefully enable crimes of passion.

Why do dwarves depict dogs striking down kobolds/goblins as "The dog is laughing", is my sanity not brutalized enough already?

[Quartz_Mace]

Never.

Why don't Goblins think it is right to eat sentient creatures, but the Firstborn (the Elves) do?