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[flame99]

Flock of keas just stole almost whole suit of masterwork steel armor I was preparing for my adventurer... breastplate, greaves, helm, three mail shirts, shield... they stole artifact iron shield, before, too

I think you have the wrong thread.

Because adamantine is a truly holy mineral of Armok. It shall never be tainted by the blood of a lesser creature, and instead it must first taste the blood of a truly !!FUN!! foe, like an army of Clowns shortly before tormentingly peeling back Urist's face to use as a doormat.

Why does Armok not enter worlds to cause even greater amounts of !!FUN!!?

[☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼]

Why do dwarves prefer fighting with their fists and feet instead of the adamantine weapon they are holding?

It's all the densinity and weight that matters when it comes to fighting. At least that's what one dwarf heard from his overseer. And this rumor has spreaded far. Far.
Fists are heavier than cotton. Thus they are better. Dwarf logic.


Why do my dwarves get unhappy thoughts from a bit of mud in their water... And don't give an elf for all the decaying bodies in the well? And vermin remains? And blood?

[Erils]

Why does Armok not enter worlds to cause even greater amounts of !!FUN!!?

Because Armok knows that such levels of fun might be too much for some players and cause their brains to explode. He also wants to wait until the 'fun'  update before spreading his fun.

Why do my dwarves get unhappy thoughts from a bit of mud in their water... And don't give an elf for all the decaying bodies in the well? And vermin remains? And blood?

It's not the mud are unhappy about. They are unhappy that they have to drink water and not beer or ale. The mud gives the water a brown flavor, making it at least look like beer, which is the only thing stopping all the dwarves from becoming very depressed and killing themselves.

Why do civilian dwarves run away from a single goblin even when they outnumber it 10-1?

[Niccolo]

Why do civilian dwarves run away from a single goblin even when they outnumber it 10-1?

Because goblins smell terrible, a combination of a blue cheese suppository and roasted gym socks.

Bloody hell, I feel ill now.

How can a goblin steal a baby right from the arms of it's mother?

[☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼]

The mother thought that he is going to steal her alcohol.
HER ALCOHOL
So she threw the baby at him.
Ale has been saved.

How do cats know where are my most important stockpiles and WHY THEY COVER THEM IN A 2 METER THICK LAYER OF HAMSTER REMAINS so I can't store anything there and everyone is busy taking the hamster to the atom smasher?

[Niccolo]

The mother thought that he is going to steal her alcohol.
HER ALCOHOL
So she threw the baby at him.
Ale has been saved.

I wish that didn't make sense.

How do cats know where are my most important stockpiles and WHY THEY COVER THEM IN A 2 METER THICK LAYER OF HAMSTER REMAINS so I can't store anything there and everyone is busy taking the hamster to the atom smasher?

Dwarven cats are not actually cats as you think of them; they are hate-ridden, attention-whoring little creatures with a fierce hatred for your ability to achieve anything in a timely manner. The First Cat's four legs were in fact the four horsemen of the apocalypse, for from the First Cat did spring forth every other cat to destroy your FPS and your world.

Why do dwarven dogs not chase the cats?

[Urist McRas]

Dwarven cats are not actually cats as you think of them; they are hate-ridden, attention-whoring little creatures with a fierce hatred for your ability to achieve anything in a timely manner. The First Cat's four legs were in fact the four horsemen of the apocalypse, for from the First Cat did spring forth every other cat to destroy your FPS and your world.

Why do dwarven dogs not chase the cats?

The dogs heard about your point of view regarding the cats. They don't really believe it, but who wants to take chances?

Why do cats ignore overseer's orders?

[misko27]

"This animal isn't interested in your wishes". Try to assign a cat a labor manually as you do for dwarves and this is what it says.

How can a crossbow bolt do the same damage to a giant as it does to goblins?

[imperium3]

"This animal isn't interested in your wishes". Try to assign a cat a labor manually as you do for dwarves and this is what it says.

How can a crossbow bolt do the same damage to a giant as it does to goblins?

All crossbow bolts are actually about four feet long. This is also why marksdwarves are averse to actually carrying any of the bloody things.

How do migrants make it to a fortress suffering from deadly rain when the surrounding area has, well, deadly rain? And why the hell would they want to?

[☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼]

Considering the Artificial Stupidity of Dwarf Fortress, it is possible that the mountainhomes are worse. Yes, even worse than Boatmurdered with acid rains, necromancers, even more evil terrain and circus. All at once. Y'know how stupid and suicidal one Urist is. Imagine a whole mountainhome without a player trying to stop them... Ruled by one of them.
Urist as an overseer
URIST AS AN OVERSEER


Why the combat log of my mechanic is full of "the mechanic falls over/the mechanic stands up" while he has all his limbs intact, nothing is attacking him, he isn't jumping out of the way of a cat or anything...? Like a "kdjldskfjsdsfjkldjfljdskajlsdahsjkldhajwjdajs *rolls on the floor* I forgot how to dwarf"

[Urist McRas]

Why the combat log of my mechanic is full of "the mechanic falls over/the mechanic stands up" while he has all his limbs intact, nothing is attacking him, he isn't jumping out of the way of a cat or anything...? Like a "kdjldskfjsdsfjkldjfljdskajlsdahsjkldhajwjdajs *rolls on the floor* I forgot how to dwarf"

He is breakdancing and he is awesome dancer. Or maybe he is waltzing and he is terrible dancer, it's difficult to tell from the combat log.

In my current fort my starting seven attacked an undead raven, but couldn't kill it. Why did they keep fighting untill all died of thirst?

[Erils]

Because they knew that once they killed it, the would be able to drink their joy in merry celebration. Also, as ancient dwarven texts say, alcohol is not to be spilled, and safety measures must be taken to accommodate.

Why do dwarves seem to have suicidal tendencies when dealing with anything remotely dangerous?

[Nidilap]

Because it is said in the ancient Dwarven times;

All or nuthin'

Nut up or Shut up

I need a drink...

Why can't you toss your dwarves, Gimli style?

[Urist McRas]

Because the throwed dwarf may hit the ceiling

(But the idea is awesome. Throwing dwarfs to do bludgeoning damage? Yeah, that's a dwarfy way to weaponize dwarfs.)

Why did dwarfs learned to make goblets if they never use them?

[Rose]

Because they need them to pick things randomly from.

What do my dorves think of the projects I make?