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Author Topic: Project: Most Dragon  (Read 14715 times)

Beardless

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #60 on: July 31, 2011, 01:16:43 am »

This is one of, perhaps the best story thread I have read on this board. Your words really bring the characters to life, and you've mastered that trick so few writers can manage--how to create a beautifully detailed world, but leave out just enough to keep the reader wondering and coming back for more.

I've found quite a few gems in the story so far, but I'll just talk about the latest. Your use of in-game graphics in the big reveal was masterful. A lucky chance placed the second image just off the bottom of my screen while I was reading, so I had no idea just what you had in those cages. I read the description of the thing in the cage and thought, "Has he been caging Forgotten Beasts all this time? That's a lot of--woah." I actually shivered when I saw all those &s.

And then the refrain, "We don't bleed." Delicious foreshadowing, and creepy as hell. My hat is off to you, sir. (It's true! I went and put it on shortly after I starting writing this post, just so I could take it off again.) Can't wait to see how the rest of the story goes.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a nomination to make at the Hall of Legends.
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So it turns out that dumping magma on skeletons is either a really bad idea or maybe like the best idea ever.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #61 on: July 31, 2011, 04:43:24 am »

Thank you, I'm really glad you liked that!  The pictures are sort of my proof that it's real, in a way, but when I can use them for dramatic effect, of course I jump on that :)  Believe it or not, I'm still playing this game.  My foreshadowing is all based on a principle of Oddom's that she mentioned way back when: "You splash around in a bathtub long enough, you're gonna drown."

BTW, it takes a long fucking time to build significantly sized structures out of steel blocks.  In case you were curious.  It's okay, because it also takes a long time to get elves to siege you.
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #62 on: July 31, 2011, 04:44:34 am »

No one trained on the east tower now.  The slate armor stand still stood beneath the starry sky, its outstretched arms reaching emptily.  Lichen clung to the rough stone floor.

To the west, the new tower was rising, a ring of steel, a keep of 6 towers, still smooth from the forge, smooth and shiny, except where stained at the base.  The sound of the night laborers carried easily above the trees, as did the sound of the Hardy Arches, sparring off-season in their unfinished new barracks by a newly forged steel weapon rack, soldiers panting and laughing as the sky drank their sweat.

Aban's own kit, she knew, lay deep beneath her, a crate full of exceptional steel dumped carelessly close to the forge, a nation's wealth and a dwarf's history marked for melting.  Every meal she had ever cooked, long gone; she didn't even recognize the meat they were using now.

She had lingered by the kitchens before, but soon, they'd be no more, every room she'd ever known relocated.  When Id had seen her there, he had dropped the barrel he was carrying, brown rum running over blackcap rim, and began disrobing, right there in the plant stockpile.  His steel, too, lay marked for melt now, and an unknown dwarf tended the still.

There was still Oddom.  Aban went to her then.

*     *     *

No moon hung over Conjuredskin, but neither any clouds, and the stars were enough light for Cequova Tomeroars to read Graveflowers.  She traced his smooth contours now.

Graveflowers was a bow tree, the oldest in Conjuredskin, and the largest, ten elves around.  He gave infrequently now, but his gifts were as fine as they had been two hundred years ago.  Cequova remembered him as a sapling, tending him with a consciously felt sense of detachment, afraid to care too much about a sickly bent thing on the hill's north side.  Graveflowers had surprised her, even saved her life once.  He didn't speak any more frequently than he gave, taciturn, even for an ash, and when he did it was rarely pleasant, but always worth heeding.

It was at the scar, where the cambium would never regrow.  Cequova knew it penetrated into his heartwood, a deep knot that twisted like some otherworldly storm, widdershins then deasil then widdershins again.  She saw into Graveflowers's mind there, at that scar that he spun uselessly, his phantom limb reaching through her, shuddered at what she saw, and nearly toppled with fright when she felt Are's light touch on her shoulder.

"Cimathi is alive, and returned.  You'll want to hear her story."

Cequova composed herself.  Three years was a long time.  Are was presumptuous, but correct.


*     *     *

Oddom wasn't a mason, but everyone at Lanterdark built.  That was part of the original plan, one of the few things they had stuck with.  So when she had peered down that gloomy, ringing tunnel, she had just shrugged against the weight of her backpack, dropped the door, and backtracked for some slate.  The staircase had occupied her for several weeks, but she knew well enough how to build downwards.

She'd been afraid to drop for the last bit, uncertain what might swoop upon her with no exit, and had lain from above until it had touched the ground, the strange ground that didn't give, that left her boot soles red despite the hard dustless gray of the rock that formed underlit hills and cliffs, penetrated only by the glowing abysses.  She had seen them, far off, shimmers in a diffuse glow, but she wasn't down here for them, and she looked carefully for their shadows cast on the cavern's ceiling, and planned her paths carefully.

She had come upon bones down there, hollow bones heavier than stone, and beaks, chips of brass in the magnificent desolation, but no blood in the essentially gray landscape, and so when she came upon the curious pool, hard, but softer than the stone, curious, she had followed.  The horse was dry, dessicate, spine torn in two along with its packsaddle, pale entrails spread in a pool of stick, the smell of nightsoil, but only faintly, and nothing fed.  Oddom wondered when it had died.  More than a day past, by the blood; more than a month, by the beast's mummified skin-- but less than an hour, by its pale entrails, by its wide terrified eyes, dry and wrinkled but still open, by its belly, unswollen.  She had filled her backpack then from its saddle bags, content enough with mystery, and continued.

She had walled the staircase before she returned, thinking of her students, and only now did she return to the door.  It was functional, but not beautiful.  She stepped back, after the jamb was set, waiting for it to swing closed, waiting for the catch of the lock, but it hung.  Not quite square.  She stepped forward then to fix it, but the instant she did, it snapped shut and latched.  Oddom retrieved the key from her purse and unlocked it, swung the door wide.  It hung again,  caught on some microscopic speck.  Oddom took a step backwards and the door closed, latching.

It had been more than a month.  The Pinnacles were waiting.  Oddom began the long hike home.
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Savolainen5

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #63 on: August 01, 2011, 04:36:24 am »

This is indeed excellent!  I love your vignette style of writing.  Short(ish) entries that display the character of the person or event.  And even better that they connect in an overarching environment and history.  I'm watching this and can assure you that many other non-posters are too!  Keep up the awesome writing!
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A small creature sometimes found on paper.  It is small.  Its eyes are black. It is adored by children for its cuteness.
(On a picture of cavies):
We see a family of small land rodents.
Dwarfs see masterpiece roasts.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #64 on: August 01, 2011, 08:50:30 pm »

Kol slumped in her sterling silver throne.  Udib had only been seventeen.

The crown lay on the table before her.  Catten Odomnish had come while Kol had slept, and the slam of her door in the middle of night, the grisly figure beckoning from the frame, Kol's first thought was that something had crawled up the stairs from hell to drag her away.  Zas knows she deserved it.  It had been scant relief when she realized that it was only Catten.

He had been covered in grue, stinking like a butcher.  The whites of his wide eyes were all that seemed unstained.  He had held the crown before him.  "For the Queen of Lanterndark.  For the Queen of the Mechanisms of Wetting.  The Nightmare of Locks.  For the Queen of the Jackasses."

Kol had called for Fikod.  In the morning, Catten remembered nothing.  It had seemed an ill omen.  It had been.



Kol looked at the crown now.  It was made of the vertebrae of an ass, each bone cunningly joined to the next by hidden dovetail.  The body of a rat lizard wove through each bone, here at the canal, there, over the process.  The lizard had been flayed and dissected; its dry entrails carefully arranged and set.  She hadn't seen the image at first, but now, she couldn't unsee it, an icon of luxury depicted in vermin entrail, the sacred wealth of lizard shit uncovered by six awed yak bone dwarves, six awed dwarves and Ingish, looking away in disgust.  The lizard's tail hung down from the crown, stained with blood and dried guano.

There were no Mechanisms.  Just Laterndark.  There was no queen.  The last king was dead a hundred years.  There was just Lanterndark and Kol.  Donkey bone crown for the Queen of the Jackasses.

Udib must have been on the surface when the lashers came.  No one had noticed him missing in the chaos of the siege.  It was only when he missed training that anybody thought to look.

They had found him on the far side of the western spike.  His limbs bent at unnatural angles, his skull, like a shattered egg dipped in hair.  The dense loam, dry with the season, had lapped up his blood.  The shrub by his corpse had seemed unnaturally healthy.  Ruddy.  Sanguine.

Kol sipped from the barrel.  She wouldn't need a goblet tonight.  She had hidden her children deep in the mountain, locked them in Vabok's hospital with food and drink, thinking them safe from the goblins; the goblins had just waited until they were grown to take them from her.  She remembered Udib on her teat as she had planted.  He had always been a quiet child.

Kol put the crown on.  The lizard tail danged in her face, tickled her cheek.  Kol imagined holding court under that crown, a blasphemous priest of Stettad.  "When you rise in the morning, think of reptile dung."  She imagined Tunem: "What a pleasant crown."
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #65 on: August 02, 2011, 02:19:13 am »

The missile came fast from her left.  Urist raised her hand and batted the spinning magpie fiend tallow roast out of the air.  Bim was on her, screaming.  Her axe was in her hand, swinging by reflex, until Urist realized what was happening, checked the blow, dropped the axe.  Bim's fists rained down useless on Urist's breastplate.

"Where were you?  Where were you?"

She had been on the surface, awash in the tide of hammergobs, but it was useless to tell Bim that.  Udib might have been Bim's friend, but he was Urist's brother.  Had been Urist's brother.  Besides, she hadn't been quick enough.  She probably deserved this.

Bim flailed and kicked.  Urist fought not against Bim, but against her instincts.  She couldn't help noticing the openings in Bim's naive assault, had to keep herself from crushing his windpipe or throwing him over the edge.  Bim was screaming, but Urist could no longer understand the words.  Then, as quick as it had begun, it was over.  Bim, crying, raced down the stairs.

Urist took off her helm and was inspecting it for damage when she glimpsed another missile.  Bim must be back.  She casually swatted the stone out of the air as she would a fly, dropped her helm, turned.

"Helms on under the sky, Urist."  Oddom grinned. "The rack's up.  Want to have a go?"

"I thought training was suspended."

"They won't have any heart for it, not while this is happening.  Maybe take a year for everything to calm down.  Doesn't mean we can't spar on our own time."

Urist looked down at the blocks she had dropped when Bim attacked her.  Half of them had slipped off the tower into the courtyard.  Sparring sounded more interesting than retrieving them.  She sprung toward Oddom, spinning from the tower's inner shaft and snatching her axe with a single motion.  Oddom stepped with her, vaulting the axe stroke and driving Urist's head into the marble block floor with mailed hands.

"I don't think that was half-speed, Urist."

Urist supposed it hadn't been.  She wiped the blood from her brow, then picked herself off the ground and readied her axe.

Oddom mirrored Urist.  Listenpeaces rang against Urist's own axe in the space between them as they jostled for position.  "They say Notchedlabors fell to dwarves as much as to elves.  I think I know what that means.  I went a little crazy when Aban died."  Oddom feinted low but Urist saw it, had the advantage now.  She stepped in and took Listenpeaces by the haft only Oddom wasn't even holding the axe anymore.  Oddom was holding Urist's axe in one hand and Urist's head in the other.  The floor felt even harder than last time.

"You should put that helmet back on, Urist.  Really.  And give me my axe back."

Urist dusted herself off but didn't rise.  Oddom sat beside her and they dangled their legs over the shaft, looking at the courtyard far below them.

"When I saw that everything was just happening as usual without Aban, I freaked out.  Hacked the depot to bits.  Luckily no one was trading.  They built a jail just for me, Urist.  Wasn't the, uhh, daycare back then.  Just a rope by the river."

Urist grunted.  She didn't need this talk.  "Another round?"

They danced in silence.  The floor wasn't quite so hard with her helmet on, but the metal rang like the trumpets of the end days.  The trip to the courtyard to retrieve her blocks no longer looked quite so long.  One more round, maybe she could just fly down there.  Urist ran her finger along her right arm where the scimitar had bit deep.  She could feel with the skin of her finger but not with her arm.  That numbness was a strange sensation that she wasn't yet used to, a part of her that was dead now.

"I'm fine, Oddom."

"Then congratulations on your rapid progress, because your half-speed today is faster than last week's full-speed.  They'll be beating Bim downstairs.  Bring him some drink after it's done, and take a good look at him."  Oddom rose.  Neither of them could know that Bim wouldn't be needing anything to drink.
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

monk12

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #66 on: August 02, 2011, 11:22:28 am »

There's some grim implications I hadn't considered- not only living in a society where random citizens go violently insane from grief and unhappiness, but the knowledge that you yourself share that racial predisposition.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #67 on: August 02, 2011, 05:10:28 pm »

I know, it's kind of interesting.  I was thinking about that a bit, but rather than building on it, I'm being a little lazy with it.  The Mechanisms of Wetting were only 50 when they began war with the elves, so maybe they never really had a chance for a generation to grow up together; after the war, the Mechanisms were only a handful of scattered refugees.  Lanterndark might be the first place where Mechanisms children have had a chance to grow up together in relative safety.

I've been trying to stay close to the Toady version of Dwarven ethics rather than the Boatmurdered version, knowing that sometimes, practicality is going to win over morality, just like it does for everyone.  That "doesn't really care about anything anymore" is maybe one of the most practical traits that a dwarf can have, and doesn't really go against their ethics at all.  I think it would be seen more as wisdom, as an enlightened serenity, and not pathologized, the way we do on the forums sometimes-- emotional hardness is a functional trait for dwarves, whereas PTSD is dysfunctional for modern humans.  And yet, it's mostly dwarven soldiers that are hardened like that, not priests or nobility.

I think it would lead to an unusual philosophy.  Younger dwarves would be encouraged to seek out every kind of experience, whether it made them happy or sad, this sort of, "You're not really a dwarf until you've had your nose smashed in once or twice," "You're not really a dwarf until you've tasted swamp whiskey," "You're not really a dwarf until a brother's died on you."  Tantrums would be seen as part of the process to reaching wisdom, a wisdom few ever achieve.  Stoicism is the ultimate goal, but you can't reach that goal except by indulgence.  War and killing would lead to dead dwarves, but they'd also lead to individual enlightenment.
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #68 on: August 03, 2011, 03:19:53 am »

Okay, enough of this "guess I gotta write about this so it makes sense, gives fodder for future writing," back to some good old plot development.

BTW, thank you Toady for the personality trait system.  Not so relevant to the game, but a godsend for fanfic.
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #69 on: August 03, 2011, 03:20:21 am »

Nine arrows.  Three of copper, three of iron, three of silver.

With training suspended, the fortress seemed twice as populated.  Haulers squeezed by on the narrow central staircase, hauling iron and wood down, blocks of warm steel up.  Half of the dwarves already knew to prostrate themselves for Tosid's downward passage.  When Tosid came upon one that hadn't yet learned, a trip or a shove was enough.  Steel rattled down the stone steps with each new demonstration.

Violence was a sort of currency.  There was nothing that could be bought with love or coin that couldn't be paid instead in pain.  Fear, Tosid imagined, was a sort of promissory note.  If there was anything Tosid lacked, then it was because he had not yet mastered the acts of violence.  But he was close.  Very, very close.  Tosid had mapped the caverns, he knew, because he had been expendable-- capable, clearly, he had demonstrated that, but not the backbone Lanterndark's militia hung from.

So what did it mean, then, that Oddom had just disappeared for a month, taking parchment and a backpack?

Twice as crowded, but twice nought down this hallway.  This door had never been unlocked, not to Tosid's knowledge.  He pushed confidently and it gave.

Three gates to Lanterndark.  Northwest, to the Stoked Empire.  Northeast, to Nightmarecurleds.  South, to the Savage Mountain.

One of the many advantages that came with paying one's debts in pennies of violence was the appearance of stupidity.  To half of Lanterndark-- soon, to all of Lanterndark-- Tosid was a mindless brute, barely capable of speech.  That silence should be associated with stupidity was absurd, of course.  Tosid could smell the sweat dripping from a dwarf's temples and tell you reliably whether that dwarf was more likely to spin left or right.  Far from being proof against intelligence, a capacity for violence was founded on intelligence.  If Tosid didn't ask questions, it was because he didn't need to ask questions.  He had eyes; he could see the situation for himself.

Those eyes studied the scene as he passed the door, latched it behind him.  Nine arrows to be placed.  This was near where they had found that Zuglar boy, drawn by his screams.  They'd torn down the wall.  Zuglar wasn't the worst axedwarf in Lanterndark, not anymore.  Doors and trenches.  A long room.  Corpses, of course.

It had taken Tosid a long month to map those caverns, and he had seen strange things there, killed stranger things.  He had spent a week huddled beneath a blackcap, his body on fire, unsure whether to pray that he remain undetected, or for something to discover him there, to end the fever.

Tosid hadn't asked any questions on this assignment, just as he hadn't when Kol had told him to map the cavern Udil had been about to open.  Tosid didn't need to ask questions.  He saw the long raised shiftwall to the west.  He saw the skeletons.  Oddom might be expendable, but that didn't mean that Tosid wasn't, not yet.  Tosid stepped lightly in the fine white dust.

Arrows aren't dwarven weapons, despite the bows in the vaults, and if these were for shooting, there were plenty of iron littering the long trenches around the old towers.  If these were for selling, there were plenty of silver, likewise.  No need to settle for copper.  Tosid placed the arrows carefully, avoiding the space that the shiftwall would land when it came down.  She'd forgotten to tell him to be careful of that, but it was clear enough to Tosid.  He laid them against the elephant's ribs, point down for stability.  The arrowheads weren't the point.  A single copper arrowhead could penetrate a single copper breastplate, a silver arrowhead a single silvery iris, an iron arrowhead, a single iron helm, decorated with an image of a forgotten beast in capybara bone.

Three gates to Lanterndark.

The points weren't the point.  Tosid straightened, headed back for the pitting bit of the job.  These were not nine arrows for nine foes.  These were nine arrows for over nine thousand.  Tosid wasn't a master of volence, not yet, but he was learning.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2011, 03:28:00 am by Nil Eyeglazed »
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Crustypeanut

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #70 on: August 03, 2011, 04:01:46 am »

This has got to be the BEST story on the forums.. Keep up the amazing writing! I'll definitely be following this.
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Specialsurprise - a Tale of ‼Medicine‼ and ‼Science‼ !

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #71 on: August 03, 2011, 03:54:08 pm »

This is indeed excellent!  I love your vignette style of writing.  Short(ish) entries that display the character of the person or event.  And even better that they connect in an overarching environment and history.  I'm watching this and can assure you that many other non-posters are too!  Keep up the awesome writing!

This has got to be the BEST story on the forums.. Keep up the amazing writing! I'll definitely be following this.

Thank you both for the encouragement!

It's spring again.  Not Kol's favorite season.  She's about to learn that dwarves aren't the only sentients capable of playing dumb....
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #72 on: August 03, 2011, 03:55:23 pm »

"Enchanted, ethical, etcetera.  Duchess Itonvudthar, I am Cimathi--"

"Nutshores, yes.  I wasn't really expecting to see you again."

"I wasn't expecting to ever return either.  I hope you didn't carry that charcoal all the way up on my behalf, Duchess.  The wood's already unloaded.  Will you be seizing the cloth or any of the animals this year?"

"Just the common domestics."  Kol rubbed her jaw.  "Cimathi, why do you come?  Not you in particular, but the Savage Mountain.  Why do you bring the wood every year?"

"Masochists.  Small indignities are the most delicious indignities."  Cimathi finished the buckles on the donkey cage and eased it on to the floor, then turned to look at the Duchess.  Kol really didn't understand.

Cimathi sighed.  "Do you know how many elves live at Coastglided?  How many warbeasts?  Do you know the layout of their defenses?  Do you know if you would be safer approaching from the east or the west?"  The underworld had changed Cimathi.  There was a taste of something hard and fierce in her tone.

"No.  How would I know that?"

"Maybe you should send them a merchant caravan.  Now, shall I leave over the surface, or is it 'too dangerous'?  I'd prefer not to have to come up through the curious structure under Workpuzzled again, but at least I know where it is now, shouldn't take another three years of wandering.  Apologies for cutting this visit so short."

Kol studied Cimathi's face, uncertain of whether to be offended.  There was no sign of humor in the sharp, androgynous elven features.  "Surface is fine."  Kol found this elven merchant a little frightening.  She wanted to get back to her fields.
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Eric Blank

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #73 on: August 07, 2011, 01:34:28 am »

I am definitely enjoying this story. Your writing style certainly is unique and beautiful, as well. I've always wanted to be able to put to practice all the ideas that come to the front of my mind in at least one medium, and so far I just haven't been able to get anything out of my skull. Too thick to get in, too thick to get out, I guess. Keep up the good work and don't ever let yourself forget how to pry the good ideas out for public display!
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I make Spellcrafts!
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Project: Most Dragon
« Reply #74 on: August 10, 2011, 02:40:01 pm »

Thanks Eric!

I've been slow lately-- for one thing, I can't quite get the dust to do what I want it to.  Have to do some experimentation to figure out the problem.  But something else happened, which I think can maybe play a role, so here we go:
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.
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