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[Kay12]

"Adamantine is the most valuable metal in the game. You can find it by digging down until you reach a huge underground magma sea. Its the best material in the game to make armor with, and it's also the best for hacking and piercing weapons. Its very light though, so it sucks for making blunt impact weapons like warhammers".

That exactly is a very good advice...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Unless you consider the implications of a new player realizing the value of adamantine and greedily harvesting it as fast as they can.

[Psieye]

"Adamantine is the most valuable metal in the game. You can find it by digging down until you reach a huge underground magma sea. Its the best material in the game to make armor with, and it's also the best for hacking and piercing weapons. Its very light though, so it sucks for making blunt impact weapons like warhammers".

That exactly is a very good advice...

I still view that to be the true point of this thread: to give really good advice that newbies should never heed. Like:

"You can get a perfectly functional fort going with just livestock. No need for farming."

[Kay12]

"Adamantine is the most valuable metal in the game. You can find it by digging down until you reach a huge underground magma sea. Its the best material in the game to make armor with, and it's also the best for hacking and piercing weapons. Its very light though, so it sucks for making blunt impact weapons like warhammers".

That exactly is a very good advice...

I still view that to be the true point of this thread: to give really good advice that newbies should never heed. Like:

"You can get a perfectly functional fort going with just livestock. No need for farming."

That's what I think as well. Much more... fun than blatant trolling like "DORFS LIKE TO GET CRUSHED UNDER ROCKS LOL".


A personal favorite of mine because I used to be too mistake conscious: "DO NOT DIG THERE! You can never reconstruct that wall to allow engravings, so if you tear down those walls, you'll never have proper bedrooms!"
(as if I ever used engravings anyway...)

[Crazy Cow]

Describe the mechanics of pump stacks and power sources, along with the military and process of equipping and training said army.

Mention literally nothing at all about food and drink.

[RevolutionaryDorf]

I have a feeling that all this trolling wouldn't actually be very entertaining if it were applied to an actual dwarf fortress noob. Dwarf fortress is hard enough to figure out how to play and stick with, even without experienced players laughing at someone over fake advice for a game he or she can't even comprehend yet. That's like laughing at a baby for crawling into traffic.

[Reverie]

Have a volcano on your embark for ease of access to magma.
As an aside, this would provide a good reason to learn how the military works early on!

[Hypotheses]

That's like laughing at a baby for crawling into traffic.

Hey, Frogger made it, didn't he?

[Tharwen]

"You can't replace stone once it's been dug out"

"Magma forges built on the magma sea are much more efficient than coal-powered ones"

"It's possible to colonise hell"

[Jacos]

Don't forget to give the people who love the most expensive things more skills in socialising, upon embark.

[mrchace]

DONT DIG DOWN!

[Kay12]

Caverns are awesome. Lots of room, moss and trees. Oh yeah, there may be some monsters, but if you're careful you should be ok.

[krenshala]

I have a feeling that all this trolling wouldn't actually be very entertaining if it were applied to an actual dwarf fortress noob. Dwarf fortress is hard enough to figure out how to play and stick with, even without experienced players laughing at someone over fake advice for a game he or she can't even comprehend yet. That's like laughing at a baby for crawling into traffic.

No, this is more like giving a kid a skateboard, but no knee and elbow pads, and explaining the best methods of getting really good speed out of the board ... he'll enjoy the hell out of it until he needs to stop (been there, twas fun (and Fun) ... and I continued to skate ).

The point is to give VALID advice, but of a kind that is only really useful to the player once they understand more of the game than the advice itself interacts with. (e.g., telling them how awesome adamantine is without mentioning the hazards of mining it).

[Kay12]

The point is to give VALID advice, but of a kind that is only really useful to the player once they understand more of the game than the advice itself interacts with. (e.g., telling them how awesome adamantine is without mentioning the hazards of mining it).

Agreed. It's much more fun this way...

If you're short on food, your dwarves can eat or cook the seeds. (it works, but may cause trouble in the long run)
Bring two cats, a male and a female, so you can have free kittens that grow up into more cats! (catsplosion)
Have lots of cattle, they're cheap food! (works, but managing cattle isn't likely to be too easy for a newbie)
Dwarves like having their own bedrooms. (works, but communial dormitories aren't bad enough to cause significant trouble if you've got other facilities set up well)
Ramps are faster than stairs if used properly! (assuming a newbie knows how to use them properly)

[micha]

oh, plaster is easy to make, hatches are useless, and you really don't need to bring any cats.

[Rallan]

"Adamantine is the most valuable metal in the game. You can find it by digging down until you reach a huge underground magma sea. Its the best material in the game to make armor with, and it's also the best for hacking and piercing weapons. Its very light though, so it sucks for making blunt impact weapons like warhammers".

That exactly is a very good advice...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Unless you consider the implications of a new player realizing the value of adamantine and greedily harvesting it as fast as they can.

And then there's the monsters that'll crawl out of the cavern layers they've breached, and the various Fun things they might end up learning about magma. And if they're really lucky, they'll even get to find out that burning Dwarves can set just about everything on fire.