(sorry about the wait, couldn't resist a 'comedy' post to finish things off ... )The Starfarer Super Competition Giveaway Extravaganza, brought to you by star of ‘Baywatch’ and ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, David Hassleslaught.Live from the Tameside HippodromeWelcome to the Tameside Hippodrome, where I am honoured to present the awards for the recently decided Starfarer Poetry Competition.
David walks about the stage while a short musical piece plays over the PA systemBut first, let’s talk a bit about the game and how it came to be.
The red curtains part behind David, revealing a big screen. A buxom blonde girl with a sky blue veil over her face sits at a small round tableErika Eleniak introduced me to this game in 1991 when she was remotely interrogating the mind of a young man, Alex Mosolov, using her Grandmother’s Crystal Ball.
The big screen cuts to an aerial view over CIA HQ, Langley, VirginiaAs part of a top secret CIA program to attempt to create a super-soldier, brave Alex was subjected to years of abuse through his youth. This involved being locked in a dark room with inadequate nutrition and only being given rewards when he managed to solve complex problems that disobeyed all known logical laws.
Screen cuts to a young man in silhouette, sat at a desk working away at a computer. A green glow from the console illuminates his faceThis was to serve him well as he naturally developed a passion for coding and computer game development, and started to think more seriously about what he could achieve with just the seed of this idea.
At this early stage the game involved the manipulation of a number of different coloured shapes which were the flavour of sherbet. As Erika and I had recently become interested in psycho-active drugs, we both looked forward to the regular Friday night sessions where we would gaze psychically in to Alex’s mind to keep up to date with the development of this game.
The screen now shows stock footage from the early nineties of David Hasslehoff and Erika Eleniak falling about in a bar, holding each other up, singing tunelessly and nonsensically to Bryan Adams’ opus ‘(Everything I do) I do it for you’We both went our separate ways and I lost touch with Erika and her psychic powers, so unfortunately I also lost track with the development of this game. However - Alex was to continue formulating his master-plan.
And I was delighted to see it appear back out of the woodwork a few months ago. In fact, I took one look at the game at its current incarnation, and knew that I had to have a tattoo of an
Onslaught on my face and change my surname to Hassleslaught.
So without further ado, we can commence to the awards.
First up, the Ivaylo Kovatchev award for bad jokes:
The winner is YouR_DooM
the David Baumgart award for pixel-wankery:
The winner is orcishwarrior
the Alex Mosolov award for imaginary torture:
The winner is Jack A T
the Tarn Adams award for mutilated kittens:
The winner is Lord Snow
the Steve Grand award for batshit insanity:
The winner is Biag
the Markus Persson award for making it up as you go along:
The winner is pilgrimboy
the Tom Selleck award for perpetual moustachery:
The winner is sluissa
the Rupert Grint award for success in the face of overwhelming odds:
The winner is Angel of Death
the Peter Molyneux award for delusion in the face of overwhelming responsibility:
The winner is Poltifar
the Brian Blessed award for shouting
The winner is Nistenf
the Joseph Blatter award for honesty
The winner is Nirur Torir
(I'm really running out now …)
the Welsh Barbershop Quartet award for diminishing creativity
The winners are PsyberianHusky, alexios, Xinvoker and Desdichado
And finally, the Aaron Spelling award for implausible plotlines:
The winner is Krelian
And that concludes our night. If all winners could please meet me in my changing room, I can personally give them their activation codes, as written with Magic Marker on a used pair of my signature red trunks.
Alternatively please either check your PM message box (I should be able to send a message out in the next half hour or so, but might get waylaid), or just send me a message and let me know how you want to receive your code.
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Well done everybody who entered, and especially to those who were lucky enough to win. Sorry to those who missed out! The response and quality of response was far better than I could have imagined. Goes to show why I have stayed around this online community for so long - and hope you all enjoy the game and the continuing development.
FULL RESULTS:
I know this includes a couple who didn't enter, but they were on the list to make sure I didn't accidentally miss anyone else (if that makes sense) and naturally wouldn't have won anything
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Topic: Starfarer Giveaway Extravaganza Competition (Desdichado call in!) (Read 13018 times)