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[PTTG??]

The class of eager pupils watched the philosopher stalk the front of the amphitheater. He carried a small chalk stone as he spoke.

"It has come to my attention that some of you believe that magma is the solution to all problems. It is my duty to remind you that it is not."

"MADNESS," cried a student, leaping to his feet. "Blasphemy!"

The philosopher calmly pulled one of the several levers behind his lectern, and a Dwarf lacking in a sense of humor but gifted in the sense of hammering Dwarves to pulp, entered and escorted the interrupter out.

"No, magma is not the only solution. You may speak, Brombek."

Brombek the student lowered his hand and asked, "Teacher, did you not say that the best way to clear a cellar of vermin was to flood it with magma?"

"Yes," replied the philosopher, nodding to another young dwarf.

That dwarf asked "And of course, the best response to a unfair trade offer is, as you said, to flood the entire depot chamber with magma."

"Indeed. It is also true that the only cure for Obsessive Mandate Disorder is a salve made from magma and more magma, applied topically. And it is true that an out-of-control magma flow is best stopped by sealing of the affected areas with fresh obsidian casting. Magma solves problems of food surplus and drink shortages, and it improves the feng shui of any throne room, treasure vault, or kitchen admirably."

"Sir, I-" started a student, who only then silenced himself and raised a hand until granted a nod from the philosopher, and continued "-I don't see what problem it is that magma fails to solve yet, your honor," he finished, with a little extra caution.

"Ah, the short memories of the young," sighed the philosopher. "There was a time when the only way to face our enemies without letting them enter the fortress itself was to pour magma out of the mountain and across the plain, into the enemy formations. What so many dwarves of today seem to forget is that magma that reaches the surface, even briefly, becomes lava."

There was the chiseling sound as the students filed away this new note on obsidian slates.

"And you should note," said the Philosopher as he stepped sprightly through the already-closing bauxite door to his study, "that I consider students ignorant of basic geology a very serious problem."

The philosopher noted that his side door to the lecture hall stopped glowing a while later.

[Lagslayer]

*clap*

[NSQuote]

[Devling]

Well done little story. Reminds me of a threetoe story, but houmorous.
*clap clap clap*

[Armok]

*Standing ovations*

[Umune]

*A roar of a lava-fall"

[darkflagrance]

  'Twas beautiful

[Vercingetorix]

"Ah, the short memories of the young," sighed the philosopher. "There was a time when the only way to face our enemies without letting them enter the fortress itself was to pour magma out of the mountain and across the plain, into the enemy formations. What so many dwarves of today seem to forget is that magma that reaches the surface, even briefly, becomes lava."

I like this line the most because it makes Boatmurdered sound like an ancient civilization continuous with the fortresses we build today, albeit remembered only by the few.

[Rexfelum]

Good sir!  A question!

If a magma man reaches the surface, even briefly, does it become a lava man?

--Rexfelum

[Vattic]

Made me laugh. Thanks for sharing PTTG??.

[Tharwen]

I always thought this was a little strange, but never really cared enough to complain.

Still, you'll never change the speech patterns of a thousand die-hard dwarfortressers!

[Oliolli]

True. It's easier to just refer to "magma" than to first think if it was underground or not...

And to think that before I started frequenting these forums I always referred to "lava", even when actually talking about magma...

*sigh*

[Number4]

Beautiful

[PTTG??]

Good sir!  A question!

If a magma man reaches the surface, even briefly, does it become a lava man?

--Rexfelum

Don't be ridiculous! A tundra wolf does not become a savanna wolf if it wanders to more tropical climes.

[Chessrook44]

Good sir!  A question!

If a magma man reaches the surface, even briefly, does it become a lava man?

--Rexfelum

Don't be ridiculous! A tundra wolf does not become a savanna wolf if it wanders to more tropical climes.

Shall we remedy this misunderstanding with magma?