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[NobodyPro]

As some of you may know, one of the biggest scams going around is the "prefetch unwanted" scam, or if they're lazy "prefetch", where they call you up pretending to be Microsoft and ask you to type "prefetch (and/or) unwanted" into the run window and convince you that your computer is running slowly because of errors in this folder. They then ask you to open up your computer to let them fix this for you, if you use your computer often then this is the point where you hand up.
They where able to confirm my name but not my operating system and I later discovered through word of mouth that only people in the phone book had been affected locally.

Now that you know about the scam, how would you mess with a prefetch scammer?

Would you pretend to run a trace on the number using an old dialtone (they panic, trust me), would you use a voice synthesizer to say "This call has been traced, law enforcement officers have been dispatched to your location. Please stay calm and be cooperative." (My next plan of attack), what?

[Angel Of Death]

The law enforcement one.

That's just full of win.

[Max White]

The recorded voice one! So full of win!

[Strife26]

Actually trace the call, obviously. Then get some diesel, a few bottles, rags, gasoline, Styrofoam, two small skidsteers, lighters, a set of Christmas lights with size D bulbs, a five iron, and a duck. Obviously, you'll also need to use your own tools, duct tape, baling wire, and duct tape.

You should know what to do from there.

[scriver]

...Invite them to a garden tea party?

[Akura]

The law enforcement one.

That's just full of win.

This one?

[Blargityblarg]

Have a spare PC, with no personal information and a lot of horrific, horrific images on it.

Course, that'd be a mite hard to explain to the authorities if they ever had a look at it, never mind anybody else.

[sluissa]

Pretend to be the absolute worst computer user ever. Make them walk you through everything you have to do with excruciating detail and manage to screw things up at least once or twice with each instruction.

Few suggestions: If they tell you to click on something, pretend you physically put your mouse on the screen.

If they tell you to open the run menu with the windows key. Say you don't have a key on your keyboard that says windows, or better yet, your windows don't have key locks on them and you don't feel like going for a run.

If they mention your desktop, pretend they mean your actual physical desktop. Same for folders and files.

If they suggest a remote desktop connection, talk about how you don't know if your tv remote works with the computer (or physical desk).

If they talk about the internet, loudly proclaim that you know how to check your email and go through the poorly worded and likely incorrect steps. (Bonus if it involves opening up America OnLine.)

If you get tired of them, you can decide to: "wait a second, are you calling from India? You sound Indian. I want to to speak to an American[or your current nationality]." If they refuse or deny, ask them for their supervisor. (Feel free to use this no matter what their accent.)

Just generally try to annoy them and waste as much of their time as possible.

[Itnetlolor]

Call a nonexistant number, record the pre-recording, and then use that as your answering machine message. That is, provided you have a callerID and the name that appears is revealing enough to be a scam.

Have a spare PC, with no personal information and a lot of horrific, horrific images on it.

Course, that'd be a mite hard to explain to the authorities if they ever had a look at it, never mind anybody else.

Do that, and hookup a tracer on another computer networked to it, and actually attempt a trace on the source. Again, maintain useless crap on the computer that's getting attacked.

Do that, or develop a virus or a worm, and let them attack you, and infect their computer, and screw with them when they least expect it, thinking they got away scott-free. Surprise attack by formatting their computers. If you can peek at their schedules (provided they use calendars on them), find when they'll be hanging out with their friends or be on vacation, and then thoroughly destroy their machines remotely while they're away or asleep. Bonus: Take it further, and hack their facebook accounts revealing that this is what they do, and what they've been up to.

You can always keep the previous method, sans formatting, and instead do what they're doing, do what they would be doing, and then email them or call them saying "I'm better than you, and you just tried to screw the wrong person.".

One more, do just like above, except pretend to be the FBI or CIA, and tell them that they're completely surrounded.

For some reason, now I want to play either Street Hacker or Uplink again.

EDIT:
Make this your answering machine message. That, or send a fax, and record the noise as it's sending it's message across over the line, and use that instead.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I have learned much from watching Ventrilo Harrassment videos. You should copy their methodology.

To facilitate the continued mindscrewing of phone scamers, deploying absurdly loud death metal in 3.....2.....1.


Now, just hook that up to a sound system and play it over the phone next time they call.

[TherosPherae]

Open up a hundred copies of Dwarf Fortress when they connect to your system, then start playing music from The Matrix over the phone.

[blackmagechill]

1.Download CavernGrotto
2.Apply Deons fancy graphics run when they attempt to call
3. Use automotive coolant instead of computer coolant, you'll need it.

[Angel Of Death]

I have learned much from watching Ventrilo Harrassment videos. You should copy their methodology.

To facilitate the continued mindscrewing of phone scamers, deploying absurdly loud death metal in 3.....2.....1.


Now, just hook that up to a sound system and play it over the phone next time they call.

Imagine calling someone and just hearing "GRRRAAAUUUUUUUH!" while heavily distorted guitars play in the background.

You, sir, are full of awesome.

[jester]

Cant give any decent info for messing with these particular scammers, but ive worked in call centres for 4 years so here are a few good general ones for phone style scams:

  as above:  METAL IS GOD, let the scammers know this, find something from the top of europe where the sun never comes out, dumping it onto the line at random intervals during the conversation then continue on like you didnt hear anything, accuse the scammer of being in league with satan if questioned  "if you are hearing voices like that you should speak to your priest etc etc"

Bonus points:  Find a local metal band with a singer with a good metal growl, record some kids songs, lords prayer, sex story about gmilfs etc, again, play at random intervals and deny all knoweldge.

Rate the scammer out of 10, compare to the phone manner of previous scammers you have had in the past, professionalism, believability etc, If the scammer comments, get nasty and berate him saying you are only trying to help, if they continue to question get really REALLY emotional, yelling/crying/pleading, tail off saying you are worried about the scammers future and you dont want them to end up dead with a needle in their arms/dying alone because of financial failure etc.  (personal fave)

Pretend to be pleasuring yourself

Pleasure yourself.   tell the scammer what you are doing and that you are not doing it for personal gratification but to emotionally scar them, complain how unsexy the scammers voice is, and how long it will take you to reach climax.
Bonus:  heavily involve your prostate

Chat to the scammer and use google traslate to get some decent insults in hindi/russian/swedish whatever, yell them randomly mid conversation.

Pretend to viciously beat you children/spouse/partner mid conversation.  One of my exs and I had a great set up where she would answer the phone, on a cue I would yell "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO SL*T?!!!" and then we would yell and chuck stuff around the room.
Bonus:  Have everything go silent, then nothing but breathing down phone.

Read out a suicide note, pop a balloon, put the phone down on a table and walk away.  (Actually had this done to me working in a call centre, 2nd worst call of my life)

Answer every question the scammer asks with "ok dude" and "whut?"  pretend to be really stoned
Bonus: Only say "ok dude" and "whut?" for entire converstation, see how long it takes em to work it out. 

Go to a website for furrys and read out a couple of the stories found therein to the scammer.

Tell the guy you are cooking dinner/doing whatever and to wait 2 mins, put the phone down, come back in 2 mins, apologise, be really sorry, tell him to wait another 2 mins, repeat until they give up.

My general rule is if you can make the other guy hang up, you have won.

Simplest way though is just to put the phone up against a radio/speaker and get a feedback loop going, then walk away, they will hang up within about 10 seconds every time.   Whoah, got a bit carried away, eh, enjoy kiddies

[Scaraban]

^^^^^^^
!!EPIC!!