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[lemon10]

Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Location: Fortress Gates
Currently: Being uselesser.
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding x3 | Missing Leg x2

Not quite sure how relevant it is, but it appears that Frelock is missing both legs, and also somehow bleeding heavily from one of his legs that is missing, while I haven't read the whole thread, and some magic could result in his legs falling/getting chopped off but still connected to his body by magic and taking blood from the rest of it, I judge that unlikely.

Also, just gotta say that this is a pretty epic RTD, especially the last two turns. 

[Frelock]

That is true; the bleeding only mildly inconveniences Urist's legchucks, but luckily the leg stumps were cauterized when he ripped them off.

[DinosaurusRex_x]

Somehow with your legs missing you kept your spring shoes in your inventory though, so maybe you can bounce about as a work-around to walking.

[Gatleos]

Somehow with your legs missing you kept your spring shoes in your inventory though, so maybe you can bounce about as a work-around to walking.

He's technically still wearing them, I suppose.

Not quite sure how relevant it is, but it appears that Frelock is missing both legs, and also somehow bleeding heavily from one of his legs that is missing

That... is a good point.

[Gatleos]

Will you guys stop screwing around with the Great Old Ones?!

**********~
Turn 94
**********~

META TURN:

SPIDERS?

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Darkness

Actions

Meta: Continually mumble "Gravity is my friend, gravity is my friend..." as I head down one of the floor paths

(...) You gently slide down the steep slope of the vertical hallway, mumbling under your breath. Suddenly, the gravity in the chamber disappears entirely! You swim through the low-g corridor and push your way through the doorway into the room beyond. This room is huge! In fact, it looks like all four of the corridors feed into it. The room curves off into the distance, further than you can see. There's a ton of lab equipment floating around in the low-g environment.

Meta: SPray the enemies

(...) You shoot the steam cleaner at full power, completely destroying the two Arachtaurs and propelling you and John down the hallway! You suddenly feel extremely light.

RW: Run away and modify the cannon so I can shoot androids out of it. (So that it sort-of banana-barrels, swallowing the android whole, then shoots it out)

(...) The RNG thinks that's a stupid idea.

RW: Examine room.

(...) Your nifty helmet produces a map of the immediate area!

Meta: Slash some androids.

(...) You run out into the hall, ready to kick some ass! You are immediately body-checked by John and Kyle, as they are propelled down the hall by Kyle's steam cleaner.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Location: Engineering Lab, Deck M3
Currently: Practicing cartography.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Spear | Keen Helmet | Leather Gloves | Pencil x4 | Guitar | Coffee Mug | Marshall Coburn (commanding) | Micro Mecha Spider (commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Burns
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG (...)
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Location: Engineering Lab, Deck M3
Currently: Floating.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Laser Dagger | Cheetah Arm
Wounds: Missing Arm
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Location: Engineering Lab, Deck M3
Currently: Drifting.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Plasma Rifle | Balloon Animal
Wounds: Broken Rib | Nosebleed
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis | Pyrokinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Location: Engineering Lab, Deck M3
Currently: Hovering.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit | Power Cleaner | Wheelchair | Burlap Sack | Spray Can | Gas Mask | Bucket
Wounds: Missing Legs | Triple Head Bumps | Blind
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT | Digitigrade Legs | Telepathy | Clairvoyance
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Location: Engineering Lab, Deck M3
Currently: Suspended in the air.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | 1/2 Jumpsuit | Turban | Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard | Fake Ammo Belts | Caruso Shades | Cheetah Arm | Spacesuit | Arm Cannon | Baseball x5
Wounds: None
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now
Name: Marshall Coburn MkII Combat Droid
Description: A giant mechanical spider made of smaller mechanical spider parts. It was fitted with an advanced AI routine and can now talk. It also has a self-powered eye-laser taken from the remains of Xenocalamus.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Eye Laser (...) | Web Shooter

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong
Spur of Conflagration to Giga Lazor

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
Maintenance Deck 3, Living Quarters
Maintenance Deck 3, Engineering Lab
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!

Current Soundtrack
Whites of Their Skulls

Actions

Fantasy: "I'm callin you out- I'm not Edgar the Sky Pirate, and you're not his ancestor Bloodbeard. So who are you people?"

(...)

"Who are you people?"





"We're the good guys, Edgar."
"I am completely fine with that response."

Fantasy:Grab the longsword, grab Urist, than get onto the boat.

(...)You hoist Urist over your shoulder and grab the longsword, but don't seem to have any way to get onto the boat. Suddenly, the Elfy agent leaps onto your back and starts screeching at you!

FW: Slice rat and get to safety where I can heal.

(...) You smack the agent with the broad side of your axe and leap up onto the deck with HEN!

FW: Teleport to the Battlefield, grab the necronomicon, and reattach my hand.

(...) You teleport several stories above the battlefield and fall to the ground below. Luckily, you land on a snow bank and avoid injury. You look up to find your hand sitting right in front of your face! It makes a rude gesture toward you, slaps you in the face, then crawls off, dragging the book with it.

You are promptly dog-piled by a horde of wicked undead horrors.

Fantasy: Become a lich, negating my need for blood.

(...) Relying on the necromantic energy thick in the air, you attempt to transform yourself into a magic-fueled lord of the undead. Suddenly, the world goes dark around you. All you can see is a stout figure standing before you, bedecked in blood-red armor with an unearthly glow. The figure shoulders its shining greataxe with one hand, and removes its horned helmet with the other.


You will make a fine vessel for my power. Collect for me the blood of the guilty, and you shall be rewarded with eternal life. Disobey me... and face the consequences.

The world snaps back into focus. You feel the blood drain from your body, replaced by a magical energy that animates your joints. Hey, your arms are still broken! What a rip-off.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Location: Gobbo Fortress
Currently: Spewing blood.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Keyring| Chattering Fangs (commanding) | Sword | Armor | Blank Parchment
Wounds: Heavy Burns | Missing Left Hand | Very Heavy Bleeding | Faint
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift | Lightning Rod
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Location: Fortress Gates
Currently: Making deals with dark gods.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Elica Larifera (commanding)
Wounds: Missing Leg x2 | Broken Arm x2 | Black Eye
Abilities: Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion | Greater Legsplosion | Armsplosion | Lich Curse
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Location: Mysterious Ship
Currently: Being unusually accepting.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun | Bloody Arrow | Case of Booze
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Left Arm Missing | Very Heavy Bleeding | Faint
Abilities: Booze Power (...) | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Location: Mysterious Ship
Currently: Laying on the ship.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x18 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Location: Mysterious Ship
Currently: Resting on the deck.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm | Stone Arm | Ozurlidod | ≡Silver Warhammer≡ | Legchucks | Rat Bone Splint
Wounds: Missing Arm x2 | Broken Toe | Heavy Bleeding x3
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance | Prehensile Beard

Locations
Ashiorid
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat
Nolsmustul, Goblin Fortress

[RedWarrior0]

Will you guys stop screwing around with the Great Old Ones?!

I didn't know Great Old Ones took female dwarven shapes.

Oh god. 40d HFS flashback, if you get my meaning.

[Dermonster]

RW: Welp, I think its time for me to gain a new ability.

FW: Water blast Goddamn everything, Grab MY GODDAMN NECRONOMICON, AND GET TO THE SHIP.

[Gatleos]

Will you guys stop screwing around with the Great Old Ones?!

I didn't know Great Old Ones took female dwarven shapes.

Oh god. 40d HFS flashback, if you get my meaning.

They at least try not to break the minds of their servants, by appearing in a comprehensible form.

[_DivideByZero_]

RW: Find ammo, then.
FW: Heal myself.

[monk12]

I can't help but notice that the most guilty people we've met in the fantasy world are, um, us. But hey, what's the worst that could happen?

Meta: Use telekinesis to carefully float my way to the center of the room

Fantasy: Find the controls of the airship in order to provide close air support to my friends. And by "close air support", I mean splatter zombies like bugs on a windshield

And now there are 2 different beings on this ship demanding blood sacrifice! What a pleasant little place we've got here.

[Frelock]

Meta: Tweak the odds, and get our companions together.

Fantasy: Use awesome lich-regenerative powers.  Take blood from a nearby corpse if I have to.

You know, I'm pleasantly surprised.  I get to sacrifice the blood of the guilty instead of the blood of the innocent.  Does that make me a good lich?  Can that sentence even be uttered?

[monk12]

Frelock the Friendly Neighborhood Lich. Just start picking flowers and carrying around baskets of kittens.

[Gatleos]

I can't help but notice that the most guilty people we've met in the fantasy world are, um, us. But hey, what's the worst that could happen?

Continuing to portray you people as the "good guys" is a fun exercise in creative writing.

You know, I'm pleasantly surprised.  I get to sacrifice the blood of the guilty instead of the blood of the innocent.  Does that make me a good lich?  Can that sentence even be uttered?

I figured a goddess of sacrifice would prefer the blood of the guilty... like, penance, or something. I think I just made you into Ghost Rider, actually.

[Beardless]

guilt·y
   /ˈgɪlti/ [gil-tee] –adjective, guilt·i·er, guilt·i·est.
1. having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; justly subject to a certain accusation or penalty; culpable: The jury found her guilty of murder.
2. characterized by, connected with, or involving guilt: guilty intent.
3. having or showing a sense of guilt, whether real or imagined: a guilty conscience.

Ooh, that's not good. I suggest you concentrate on #3--the party ought to be safe from that. And it shouldn't be too hard to find folks that feel guilt either--after all, Derm Hell-Binder is a veritable fountain of the stuff, leaving massive swathes of survivor's guilt in his wake. (Get it while the getting's good though--he's only good as a source as long as he continues to leave survivors!)

[monk12]

guilt·y
   /ˈgɪlti/ [gil-tee] –adjective, guilt·i·er, guilt·i·est.
1. having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; justly subject to a certain accusation or penalty; culpable: The jury found her guilty of murder.
2. characterized by, connected with, or involving guilt: guilty intent.
3. having or showing a sense of guilt, whether real or imagined: a guilty conscience.

Ooh, that's not good. I suggest you concentrate on #3--the party ought to be safe from that. And it shouldn't be too hard to find folks that feel guilt either--after all, Derm Hell-Binder is a veritable fountain of the stuff, leaving massive swathes of survivor's guilt in his wake. (Get it while the getting's good though--he's only good as a source as long as he continues to leave survivors!)

Maxim 34: If you're leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.

Incidentally, I caught up on Schlock Mercenary. Nearly 11 years worth of daily comics (that's 131 months, or 3950+ strips for those keeping score at home.) More fun with math- I first learned of the existence of this strip when Frelock linked to it on April 25th, which means that in the last 17 days I've read 232+ strips every day. That's a minimum, as it took me a couple days to start binging in earnest... I need to go lie down now.