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[Gatleos]

How the hell am I supposed to know that? Really, how?

Well, I did spend most of your turn describing the pure evil emanating from the book, the unearthly screams of a long-forgotten, nigh-incomprehensible abomination from another dimension filling your mind, and the fact that it was sitting atop a pedestal at the back of the room surrounded by blood-red curtains and constantly calling to you.

I didn't force you to take the book. I gave you a choice, and you took the chance. Really, the words were just a backup.

[Dermonster]

Well, yes, I did expect the hordes of undead, its the damn necronomicon, I was asking about the 'secret words' klaatu barada nikto.

Suppose it doesn't matter now anyway.

also GEORGE NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Edit: looked it up on the tomb of eldritch lore. It apparently disables the animate dead failsafe. I did not watch Evil Dead.

[Gatleos]

Well, yes, I did expect the hordes of undead, its the damn necronomicon, I was asking about the 'secret words' klaatu barada nikto.

And what I was saying is that you had a third option. I even gave you a warning beforehand. If you thought something bad would happen, you had time to, say, not take the book.

But I like where the plot is going now, so NYEEEEHHHH.

[_DivideByZero_]

RW: Run back and find more ammo!
FW: Force my sideburns into prehensile chainsaws.

Everyone knows that dwarven beard is one of the hardest known substances, right?

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Spray and pray
Fantasy: Stab the Elf in the chest before he hugs any more trees

[Dermonster]

Also, I've started on the Trope page. It isn't very good at the moment, so feel free to help out.

[Gatleos]

I don't think you guys have met a single friendly NPC whom you haven't killed. Well, joke's on you, THESE ONES ARE ALREADY DEAD.

**********~
Turn 93
**********~

META TURN:

SPIDERS?

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Darkness

Actions

Meta: Cautiously return to the lab area

(...) You crawl along the wall, carefully avoiding the remnants of the shattered glass containers. There are four branching paths, each leading to a hallway with a door at the end. Of course, they're all either in the ceiling or floor (from your perspective), so you're not sure how this is gonna work.

Meta: Somehow, by pure concentration, tweak the odds in the fantasy world.

(...)

"HNNNNNNNNGGGGGHHHH"

...Nothing happens.

RW: Get inside the blue door I guess?

(...) You exit the Lazor Tunnel and walk through the blue-encoded door at the end of the living quarters, immediately losing balance due to the sudden shift in gravity and slamming into the left wall.

RW: Run back and find more ammo!

(...) You consider going back to get more ammo, but two more androids burst out of the wall! Where are these things coming from?! You grab Kyle and start running down the hall toward the lab!

Meta: Spray and pray

(...) You spray the steam cleaner wildly in every direction, failing to hit anything. The Arachtaurs are gaining on you!

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Location: Engineering Lab, Deck M3
Currently: Laying on the floor wall.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Splint | Bottle of Painkillers | Metal Spear | Keen Helmet | Leather Gloves | Pencil x4 | Guitar | Coffee Mug | Marshall Coburn (commanding) | Micro Mecha Spider (commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Burns
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG (...)
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Location: Lazor Tunnel, Deck M3
Currently: Concentrating.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Laser Dagger | Cheetah Arm
Wounds: Missing Arm
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Location: Engineering Lab, Deck M3
Currently: Contemplating.
Inventory: Moist Top Hat | Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Plasma Rifle | Balloon Animal
Wounds: Broken Rib | Nosebleed
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis | Pyrokinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Location: Living Quarters, Deck M3
Currently: Missing.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | Jumpsuit | Mop | Rubber Gloves | Medkit | Power Cleaner | Wheelchair | Burlap Sack | Spray Can | Gas Mask | Bucket
Wounds: Missing Legs | Triple Head Bumps | Blind
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT | Digitigrade Legs | Telepathy | Clairvoyance
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Location: Living Quarters, Deck M3
Currently: Running.
Inventory: Explosive Collar | 1/2 Jumpsuit | Turban | Unicorn Band-aids | Glass Shard | Fake Ammo Belts | Caruso Shades | Cheetah Arm | Spacesuit | Arm Cannon | Baseball x5
Wounds: Missing Arm | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now
Name: Marshall Coburn MkII Combat Droid
Description: A giant mechanical spider made of smaller mechanical spider parts. It was fitted with an advanced AI routine and can now talk. It also has a self-powered eye-laser taken from the remains of Xenocalamus.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: Eye Laser (...) | Web Shooter

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong
Spur of Conflagration to Giga Lazor

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
Maintenance Deck 3, Living Quarters
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!

Current Soundtrack
Whites of Their Skulls

Actions

Fantasy: "Bloodbeard!?! How did you get here? We need to get out of here before some horrible atrocity happens!"

(...)

"BLAAAARGITY-YEEEAAARRRGGHHHH-BLAAAAAHHHHH"
"*sigh*"

Fantays: Abandon this frail body and become a being of pure spirit!

(...) Nnnnnnope. Still frail. You're about to pass out from blood loss!

FW: Summon new hand. Then summon the book back to me.

(...) The hand refuses to come back to you, as if it is no longer considered part of your being. The book does the same, albeit much more aggressively.

FW: Force my sideburns into prehensile chainsaws.

(...) Your sideburns react to the will of the beard, and become animate! They're not chainsaws, but they're sharp.

Fantasy: Stab the Elf in the chest before he hugs any more trees

(...) You stab the Elf through the chest! He turns around...
You can't move!

SKREEEEEEEEEEE

George leaps at Urist with his mouth open wide! (...) His teeth sink into Urist's neck and he shakes him around by the throat!

"What the hell is happening?!"

The zombies are approaching the gates at a worrying pace!

"There's no time! You three, get on the ship!"

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Location: Treasure Room, Gobbo Tower
Currently: Spewing blood.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Keyring| Chattering Fangs (commanding) | Sword | Armor | Blank Parchment | Necronomicon Ex Mortis
Wounds: Heavy Burns | Missing Left Hand | Very Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift | Lightning Rod
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Location: Fortress Gates
Currently: Being uselesser.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes | Elica Larifera (commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding x3 | Missing Leg x2 | Broken Arm x2 | Black Eye | Faint
Abilities: Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion | Greater Legsplosion | Armsplosion
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Location: Mysterious Ship
Currently: Meeting ancestry.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun | Bloody Arrow | Case of Booze
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Left Arm Missing | Very Heavy Bleeding | Faint
Abilities: Booze Power (...) | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Location: Fortress Gates
Currently: Britting shicks.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x18 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Location: Fortress Gates
Currently: Doing the wave with his sideburns. Seriously.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm | Stone Arm | Ozurlidod | ≡Silver Warhammer≡ | Legchucks | Rat Bone Splint
Wounds: Missing Arm x2 | Broken Toe | Heavy Bleeding x3
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance (...) | Prehensile Beard

Locations
Ashiorid
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat
Nolsmustul, Goblin Fortress

[Beardless]

Also, I've started on the Trope page. It isn't very good at the moment, so feel free to help out.

Crap. I might have known it would be DF that eventually forced me to register on that site. Maybe if I make a suitable sacrifice to Armok I can avoid the gravitational pull...

[monk12]

Meta: Continually mumble "Gravity is my friend, gravity is my friend..." as I head down one of the floor paths

Fantasy: "I'm callin you out- I'm not Edgar the Sky Pirate, and you're not his ancestor Bloodbeard. So who are you people?"

I don't think you guys have met a single friendly NPC whom you haven't killed. Well, joke's on you, THESE ONES ARE ALREADY DEAD.

Yep- time to see if my guess is right. And swear to god, if he answers with "We're the good guys," I will crash this ship right into the zombie infested wasteland emerging beneath our feet. (RNG permitting, of course)

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: SPray the enemies
Fantasy:Grab the longsword, grab Urist, than get onto the boat.

[_DivideByZero_]

RW: Run away and modify the cannon so I can shoot androids out of it. (So that it sort-of banana-barrels, swallowing the android whole, then shoots it out)
FW: Slice rat and get to safety where I can heal.

[Dermonster]

RW: Examine room.

FW: Teleport to the Battlefield, grab the necronomicon, and reattach my hand.

[Frelock]

Meta: Slash some androids.

Fantasy: Become a lich, negating my need for blood.

[monk12]

Meta: Slash some androids.

Fantasy: Become a lich, negating my need for blood.

There is no way this plan can fail.

[Frelock]

Did you not see my prior action?