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Author Topic: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416  (Read 74821 times)

Kagus

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #285 on: December 13, 2011, 10:45:53 am »

Monday included our end-of service hearing tests (which I believe are quite honestly impossible to fail...  The guy had to tell me three times which box to go into before I got all of what he was saying, and I received a great score), plus an obligatory Christmas service later on.  Yeah, obligatory, for the whole battalion.

While I won't say that it was exactly fun, there were certainly worse things I could have been doing.  Afterwards we had a few minutes of cleanup and junk relocation from one of our things, and that was it for the day.

Then we had Tuesday, today, with our end-of-year physical tests.  Definitely not a good time, and I'd actually dropped down in a couple areas...  I managed to find a spot of time to hop by the priest's office, which was something he wanted me to do.  I then was awarded thanks for my half-year of service, plus the traditional gift...  And what is the traditional gift for six months of service as the priest's assistant?  A big fuck-off ol' knife, that's what.

It's this giant tribal hunting knife.  The thing looks and feels like a mini-machete, and it's keen as a schoolboy in summer.  Rather odd present to get from a priest, but hey, who am I to judge?  I'm not Christian.


And then, after lunch, our Tjutts arrived for inspection.  What is a Tjutt?  It's a weird military term/abbreviation for a "Tjenesteuttalelse".  Basically an employee review, but for the army.  We get a number of fields that are marked off as being "Below expectations", "Meets expectations", "Exceeds expectations", and "Whoah, dude, this is some seriously good shit", plus an overall ranking that's rated the same way.

The, uh, first draft of mine was a little...  Well, fine.  Not good, not bad, just...  Okay.  Two fields (initiative and performance under stress) were marked as "Below", while one field ("Attitude", or how I acted and presented myself.  Also general politeness) was "Exceeds".  Everything else was "Meets".  General ranking:  Meets expectations.  Woohoo.

Then there followed a short write-up from someone who apparently didn't know too much about me, so they just wrote a bunch of important-sounding babble that didn't mean anything.  And, by the way, if my "attitude" deserved "Exceeds expectations", then I have no friggin' clue what kind of activity would garner a full "Awesome" rating.  I draw the line somewhere before offering sexual favors to all superior officers.


Well, that's that...  It's probably going to get looked at again thanks to the priest's recommendations apparently not having made it through all the way to the working board, so they're going to poke around and see if they can fish them up someplace.  Otherwise...  Nothing to report.  Really, really, really unexciting days.  Woop woop.

Sheb

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #286 on: December 13, 2011, 03:30:16 pm »

I guess unexciting is proably the best thing that can happen to you, given the army's meaning of "exciting".
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Kagus

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #287 on: December 14, 2011, 02:18:37 pm »

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ladies and gentlemen, the bird has landed.  I repeat, the dog has buried his feces.


Just finally finished dumping all of our uniforms, hats, combat accoutrements and army socks off at the depot, never to return to us except if we're called in for more crap at a later date (hopefully, my poor record should prevent this from happening in my case.  And I should probably be busy with something else in three years' time).  Hot DAMN what a feeling!  To finally get rid of all that bulky and unwieldy junk!  Never to worry again about folding pocket flaps just the right way, or rolling up sleeves with a precise measurement in centimeters...  Never having to line up and arrange a truly stupid pattern of clothing items so that everything is absolutely and perfectly in line with this and that...  I am DONE, suckers!

All that remains is the gun itself, which we're going to take care of tomorrow morning.  That and the gas mask.  Good riddance to it all.

Kagus

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #288 on: December 15, 2011, 08:41:56 am »

Gun gone, mask gone, uniforms gone, boots gone (except for the one pair we get to keep), stupid mushroom-helmet gone...   All the green is gone.  I've received my medal for accomplishing one year of service (which I now am not allowed to wear, thanks to no longer having any military clothing), I've had all my personal belongings rummaged through in search of stolen ammunition or alcohol...  And I am damned ready to get out of here.

Good times...  We've got a remarkable amount of dead time to pull and the officers are running out of things to fill it with.  Best result is that they just give up and dismiss us for the day.  No idea what we're supposed to do tomorrow, as there's only one thing on the plan and that's in the afternoon.  Guess it's just a matter of waiting, that thing soldiers are so good at...

Yep.  Not much else to report.  Living the slack life, shortchanging the depot and dodging officer-shaped bullets.  It's how we do things.

Kandi Apple

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #289 on: December 15, 2011, 09:03:03 am »

 :D  YA!  You made it!!

Thank you for sharing your life in the Norwegian Army with us.  It's been an interesting read!  (Better you , then me though) Wishing you and yours all the best this holiday season and for all those adventures yet to come.

Cheers!
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Kagus

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #290 on: December 15, 2011, 12:28:25 pm »

I've still got the last weekend to wrap up, plus I'll probably want to put in some closing words either on Monday or after I get back to Oslo.  The officers will also most likely want to say something over the coming days, and we've still got the big dinner on Monday where we will present our company captain a large poster that displays a modified version of the Norwegian "Lord's Prayer"...  In praise of him.

Now, the fellow is apparently Christian, so the reaction may not be entirely what we're hoping for...  But the thing is just so damned clever that if he DOESN'T like it, he can ruddy well shove it up his wrinkled old muscular arse.

Kandi Apple

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #291 on: December 15, 2011, 12:36:16 pm »

HAHAHAHA!

Feel free to post it!

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Siquo

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #292 on: December 15, 2011, 02:54:50 pm »

:D  YA!  You made it!!

Thank you for sharing your life in the Norwegian Army with us.  It's been an interesting read!  (Better you , then me though) Wishing you and yours all the best this holiday season and for all those adventures yet to come.

Cheers!
Yeah, all this :)
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Sheb

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #293 on: December 15, 2011, 03:01:26 pm »

Yeah, I'm actually kinda sad it's already over, for it was such a great read. don't you want to lie on your age and do it again?
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Kagus

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #294 on: December 15, 2011, 03:19:11 pm »

Yeah, I'm actually kinda sad it's already over, for it was such a great read. don't you want to lie on your age and do it again?

No.

Kagus

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #295 on: December 15, 2011, 03:50:46 pm »

Well, uh...  fuck.  Double fuck.

So here I am, four days until I get out, I've just turned in all my stuff, and I'm lying in bed after what I determined to be a pretty dang awesome day to have the usual late-night Skyping with my sugarbabe.

And...  She breaks up with me.  Just like that.  Says I'm too good for her, she doesn't deserve me, can't return my feelings to the same degree, so on.  I'm not really buying into it, as that doesn't make any sense to me...  But my opinion on the matter is, naturally, not going to make much of a difference.

Well, that was that then.  Nice timing.  Now I need to find a new place to be, suddenly.  Going to be nice and dandy when I drop by to drop off the keys and pick up the clothes I left there.  Yep, good shit.


Still kind of in shock.  Gonna take a while before it really sinks in.  Not looking forward to that moment.



Damn it all...

Sheb

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #296 on: December 15, 2011, 04:09:33 pm »

Fuck. Well, at least you're not being taken to a week of trekking in mud to mull over it. Still weird timing tough...
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Kagus

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #297 on: December 16, 2011, 01:08:58 am »

We talked late into the night...  I did everything I thought possible to get her to change her mind, but this was apparently something she's been thinking over for some time.  I managed to get through the screen of "You're too good for someone like me" and "I don't deserve having someone like you" to finally get down to the fact that she just didn't have feelings for me anymore.

How she managed to go from holding on to me and crying her eyes out when I had to go a few weeks ago to no longer loving me is another mystery, but not one that I'm really at liberty to investigate.  Some time after I get out I'm going to swing by her place to pick up my clothes and the christmas present she bought me and drop off my keys.  It's all just so damned surreal...


Luckily, I've got a lot of very supportive friends and family members who are trying to help in whatever way they can.  Still...  Not really what I was hoping for.

Heh, really amazing timing on this one, you have to admit...

Kagus

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #298 on: December 16, 2011, 07:40:25 am »

Adding on to the fun...  It's going to be a while after I get discharged that I'll stop by her place.  Reason for this being that I need to wait until the christmas present she bought for me arrives, so I can pick that up along with my clothes when I drop off the keys.

Happy holidays.

K41N

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Re: All I Want For Xmas is an HK416
« Reply #299 on: December 16, 2011, 08:39:46 am »

I feel sorry for you man
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