I ignore this whole problem. With regard to haulers, haulers haul the stuff and the less I think about that, the better. If I think I have too many, I put them into their army and activate their squad. If I get short on haulers, I deactivate their squad.
Sure, it would be nice if sensible stuff worked and/or wasn't god-awful annoying, but that is true of a huge number of things in DF, and this is by far not the most annoying one. Wait until you have a weaponsmith working one forge and an armorsmith working another, and you tell the manager that you want ten axes and ten breastplates, and it queues five axes at each, followed by five breastplates at each. Throw a blacksmith into that mix and you'll be building barrels at all three forges, before you start on the axes.
Or forgotten beast ichor, combined with lack of shoes, my god. Wait until you get a foot rot pandemic because your dwarves have worn out their shoes and refuse to get more from among the hundred or so pairs you've made and put in the stockpile.
Burrows could be better for economic stuff, but they do work well for some stuff. Sometimes you want people to go someplace dammit, and burrows will force that. They work very well for forcing miners or engravers to work in a specific place now, before working on the thousand other tiles that you've designated.
But this game has always required a high annoyance tolerance. If you are terminally bothered by the hauling thing, you're doomed. The game will probably never change fully enough for you, so you're going to have to quit playing, change yourself, or apply alcohol.
Don't mean to be condescending; I've had to reach the same conclusion for myself.