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[Cruxador]

I'm pretty sure they haven't changed the tutorial

Tutorial used to take place in Scotland.  Mind you they probably changed it years ago. 

Not sure you're remembering correctly, because I definitely did the tutorial in Leon, and I would have done that around when I first played the game, which was before it released.

[scriver]

I also played the tutorial in Spain, and I did that when I first got the game, which was when it was first released ages ago.

[ChairmanPoo]

I also got the Spanish tutorial. At the time I wondered if it was region-dependent.

[umiman]

Me too. It was never in Scotland. I think that was Total War Medieval 2's tutorial.

[Teneb]

I got the Scotland tutorial, so I can confirm that it was a thing. The main objective was to conquer those islands off the west coast.

[Descan]

Then I notice my government type is Reign of Terror. Oh yeah.

I'm sorry, what?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I really, really enjoy the new elective laws btw. Basically select it every time for maximum fun.

Edit: I just noticed I'm a democratic Kingdom of Terror.

Ahhh, you meant the flavour text. I thought you meant Government Type, like Iqta, Imperial, Republic, Feudal.

[Kanil]

Found my old 1.07 install of CK2 from 2012, tutorial does take place in Scotland there.

[Cruxador]

Weird. Perhaps they changed it then changed it back.

[Il Palazzo]

Ok, I think my wife is secretly syphilitic. It's the third time I'm getting it.

[Dunamisdeos]

Ok, I think my wife is secretly syphilitic. It's the third time I'm getting it.

It's funny because I thought I clicked a different thread and was unaware I was in the Crusader Kings thread at first.

[Rolan7]

It's funny because I thought I clicked a different thread and was unaware I was in the Crusader Kings thread at first.

Most of my experience with the Cataclysm: DDA thread.  And I never regret it.

[umiman]

Let me tell you the tale of one of the most ridiculous AI characters I've ever seen. This happened in my completely random world.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This random guy is called Badshah Jyad Rahman. In the picture he was an Emperor, but let's go back in time.

About 50 years ago, when that guy was a wee lad, he was just a random AI courtier. His only noteworthy grace was that he was from a noble family with a noble historical bloodline. He wasn't even a main member of the bloodline, just a far off distant relative with no chance at anything noteworthy. Heir to no land, ruler of nothing. It was because of this that my character at the time, the illustrious Queen Thekla, the Alpha Slut (current) and Saint of God (to be), managed to snag this guy into a matrillineal marriage. Her objective was just the bloodline.

So this guy became the Alpha Cuckold to the Alpha Slut, watching his wife bang every single man she could get her mittens on and name them in his bloodline. Clearly this awoke some dormant power within him. This power bided its time... waited... waited...

Then... when he was around 30, chance struck. One of the distant Rahmans died, leaving Badshah a small Khanate of his own. He must felt like a fish out of water, a feudal lord suddenly inheriting a nomad kingdom. A small nomad kingdom, but one nonetheless. My character Queen Thekla certainly didn't mind, as long as she could keep churning out babies under his bloodline's name.

When controlling this Khanate, Badshah managed to realpolitik his way around the Khaganate court. He impressed everyone and used his immense experience of being a doormat to the Alpha Slut to win over many allies. Then chance struck again! Khagan Utman died of severe stress, some saying that perhaps of inflicted stress whispered by Badshah. Immediately Khan Badshah was elected into power unanimously. Now this landless nobody was Khagan. Emperor.

But that was not enough for our little Rahman. No, see, he saw only the mere foundations of his eventual rise to domination.

-------------

Khagan Badshah

I want to remind you at this point that what I'm about to tell you is the tale of an entirely AI character of which I had no control over.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That picture was taken about a decade after his death, but it shows you to a small degree what power he inherited as Khagan.

In that picture is also a little bit of the Savoyard Empire. Now, the Savoyards in this world is a very multicultural superpower. Their lands stretch from Spain to Hungary. Their denizens are Chinese, Egyptian, Greeks (me), Africans, and more. Their religions too are very cosmopolitan, ranging from Zanebishadi (Christian raiders), Poznanian (Orthodox pacifist harems), Pineskydolic (Matriarchial raiders), and many, many more. Essentially how they got so powerful is beyond my understanding given how diverse they are but they did.

At the time they were waging massive, neverending war against the Aztec invaders who now controlled Britain and most of the Northern coasts of Europe. Their massive numbers battering each other in incomprehensibly large battles on a daily basis. The Savoyard Empire was the bastion and wall holding the Aztec hordes at bay and they had been doing so for over 50 years. How they managed to do so while maintaining so much control over such a diverse empire is incomprehensible, but they did.

But Khagan Badshah saw his chance. In their weakness he saw his glory. And so... one day... one fateful day... Khagan Badshah struck.

------------

Emperor Badshah

The Rahman Khaganate horde absolutely swarmed through the undefended Savoyard rear. Where did he get so many troops? How did he raise such a massive army? No one knows. Over 100,000 angry horsemen rode through the plains of Southern France and swept through like a tide. The poor Savoyards stood no chance. Within months they lost their capital and lost everything. Savoyard now belonged to Badshah.

The Aztecs saw this and must have thought they could capitalize on it, but immediately Badshah, the Khagan and Emperor, turned on the Aztec hordes. He pushed them back all the way to the sea. The Aztecs fled before his mighty horses and their Emperor was slain. Emperor Badshah stood supreme over the invaders from across the ocean.

But he was not content.

He turned his armies East. They would ride to the barren snow of Siberia. Nation after nation fell in his neverending path of conquest. Saxony, a mighty kingdom who managed to hold off the Savoyards and Aztecs for centuries was flattened and absorbed. Etelkoz, Turov, Nyitra. Nothing seemed to stop him. Before long, the Rahman Empire blotted out the entire known European World, stretching from Portugal to Siberia.

Finally... Badshah was content. He stood at the edge of the Artic wastes. Atop his white horse he raised his sword in the air and his men cried out in victory. Then they turned around.

------------

Lunatic Badshah

After this, Emperor Badshah decided to settle the nomadic hordes and become true Savoyardians, with some Rahman touches here and there. He joined the hallowed halls of the Emperors. Then he decided to create a few more Empires and Kingdoms, just for kicks. So out popped the Cisseistan Empire, Yuttinaen Empire, Karandenosinia Kingdom, Taszellaytidny Kingdom, and Izborland Kingdom.

Then he decided he didn't want to really control any of his vasts amounts of land, so.. I shit you not... he gave all the kingdoms and land under it to this guy.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yup. He gave everything to a Republic. So his entire Empire(s) had essentially a few actual counties under his direct rule, and EVERYTHING ELSE under the rule of that Prince Mayor.

Then I guess he got bored of not being at war, so Emperor Badshah decided to go fighting the Aztecs again. He didn't even bother to crown himself. Ain't nobody got time for that. Got Pagans from across the sea to kill here.

------------

Dead Badshah

Then he died. Just like that. No fanfare. No great battle. No amazing fight.

Well... to be more precise, he died to a really ugly man in a duel. in fact, it was his first ever duel and he had a personal defense score of 0. I wish I could tell you how he died to him, or why. I mean... the guy was a monk. What did Badshah do to provoke him?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Maybe as he marched to the Aztecs he came across this poor guy minding his own business and he reminded him of one of the guys his wife used to cuckold him with. Or maybe they were childhood enemies and he wanted to settle a score before he marched off against the Aztecs. Who knows. The reason is lost to time.

------------

So what's his legacy?

This unholy mess.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What is this bordergore? His Empires got split between his and my children... because they were all Gavelkind. If you look at the first picture of this post you can see all the Emperors in it. As a result, you get the above.

The Aztecs are also taking advantage of it and punching through the now very, very weak Europe with a vengeance.

That one lucky Republic now owns like... half of Europe. The other half split between my three sons. And here I am... in Genoa... wondering how on earth the AI managed that feat.

[Cruxador]

It sounds like he's the designated Genghis Khan for this timeline. That would explain the 100k troops, at least.

[umiman]

It sounds like he's the designated Genghis Khan for this timeline. That would explain the 100k troops, at least.

Genghis Khan already happened actually. No idea what happened to them but they procced quite awhile ago somewhere.

No idea where, but somewhere.

[Karnewarrior]

Ravioli Ravioli, the old broad died so now I play a Demon Loli.

Immortals are fun but at some point one of my mods bugged out and now the little lock symbol (for when armies are locked into moving to a province) has become what appears to be the default text box for the game. Just a giant blank box, blocking the whole of the screen. I tried to conquer the world, in order to stop this maddening, dizzying array of boxes, but then some nobody mayor somewhere blew up my immortally sixteen empress, so now I'm going to conquer the world as Lucifer's Daughter... And save Christianity.