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[Horizon9]

Come and tell stories of the ways you off'd the annoying dwarf making constant demands.

[eclipsetail]

It was in 40d

I put my nobles bed next to my magma pipes, put in an extra floodgate, and then channeled a piece at the top.
And what does it figure, right before the magma reaches them, "Urist McDead Noble has given birth to a baby boy".

[Heavenfall]

I fulfilled no demands and gave him shoddy rooms. He went berzerk. I sent in the military.



Nobody cared.

[Untelligent]

If it's the mayor, I just find or make a high spot, build a bridge at the top, and have him build a wall on the other end of the bridge.

[DrGravitas]

I wanted a set-it-and-forget-it kind of device so I set out to build an automatic drowning device specifically for nobles.

The Device:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

How it (didn't) work:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

With 3 separate bedrooms designed (not exactly thoroughly tested) to allow a noble access to a bedroom. The idea was I could designated up to 3 nobles at a time to a bedroom and have nothing further to do setting up or resetting the death trap. I wanted it to be entirely automated.

The steps (had the device not been a spectacular failure) would have gone like this:

1. Assign noble a Bed in a trap room. Noble gets tired and heads to bed.

2. Noble crosses pressure plate, sealing room and opening floodgates from the reservoir system above.

3. Water fills room to 7/7, drowning the noble.

4. Pressure plate, activated by the full water, opens wallside gates and allows water to drain between the rooms down into a drying room below. Also triggers the reservoir hatches to close again so no more water gets in.

5. Another pressure plate, within the wall-drain-channel, detects noble if he's alive and locks drying room door so he'll starve instead. Otherwise, the corpse gets washed down the hole too for later looting "retrieval."

6. Water drains, triggering pressure plate to unseal the room, device is ready for it's next victim.

In practice (even before some of the modifications I tried, visible in the .gif above) I developed less of an automatic noble drowning device and more of a Noble Automat. As in, a laundry machine. The thing kept getting stuck on cycles of flooding and draining, half drowning the noble, half making them legendary swimmers. It was really a sort of water boarding torture, ending usually with the noble tiring and being swept down the hole.

Although the nobility died most of the time, the process was slow, glitchy, and mostly resulted in a sealed, flooded room that I had to reset manually. See all those switches in that image up there? Yeah, the backup switches for every piece of the puzzle. I had to lock a dwarf in there and keep switching things and reading my notes until I finally reset it. Total, hilarious failure.

When that failed (after some other water-based failure devices) I eventually built the much more successful Death-Bridge system:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That is, 3 sets of 2 bridges, with 1 switch on a 1x1 square at the far end of the 2nd bridge which operates the two bridges in a set. 3 nobles are assigned to pull a switch twice. Each set is at the very top of the skybox, offset my Obsidian Tower. Automatic splats, no fuss no muss. (Though occasionally the noble flung off the bridges closest to the Tower accidentally lands on the service floor one level down.)

[Foehamster]

Usually nothing. I consider it part of the Fun. When I do need to dispose of one I usually install a dummy lever in the trade depot drowning chamber for the noble to operate, in DF2010 a burrow in the drowning depot is sufficient.

[Horizon9]

I wanted a set-it-and-forget-it kind of device so I set out to build an automatic drowning device specifically for nobles.

The Device:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

How it (didn't) work:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

With 3 separate bedrooms designed (not exactly thoroughly tested) to allow a noble access to a bedroom. The idea was I could designated up to 3 nobles at a time to a bedroom and have nothing further to do setting up or resetting the death trap. I wanted it to be entirely automated.

The steps (had the device not been a spectacular failure) would have gone like this:

1. Assign noble a Bed in a trap room. Noble gets tired and heads to bed.

2. Noble crosses pressure plate, sealing room and opening floodgates from the reservoir system above.

3. Water fills room to 7/7, drowning the noble.

4. Pressure plate, activated by the full water, opens wallside gates and allows water to drain between the rooms down into a drying room below. Also triggers the reservoir hatches to close again so no more water gets in.

5. Another pressure plate, within the wall-drain-channel, detects noble if he's alive and locks drying room door so he'll starve instead. Otherwise, the corpse gets washed down the hole too for later looting "retrieval."

6. Water drains, triggering pressure plate to unseal the room, device is ready for it's next victim.

In practice (even before some of the modifications I tried, visible in the .gif above) I developed less of an automatic noble drowning device and more of a Noble Automat. As in, a laundry machine. The thing kept getting stuck on cycles of flooding and draining, half drowning the noble, half making them legendary swimmers. It was really a sort of water boarding torture, ending usually with the noble tiring and being swept down the hole.

Although the nobility died most of the time, the process was slow, glitchy, and mostly resulted in a sealed, flooded room that I had to reset manually. See all those switches in that image up there? Yeah, the backup switches for every piece of the puzzle. I had to lock a dwarf in there and keep switching things and reading my notes until I finally reset it. Total, hilarious failure.

When that failed (after some other water-based failure devices) I eventually built the much more successful Death-Bridge system:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That is, 3 sets of 2 bridges, with 1 switch on a 1x1 square at the far end of the 2nd bridge which operates the two bridges in a set. 3 nobles are assigned to pull a switch twice. Each set is at the very top of the skybox, offset my Obsidian Tower. Automatic splats, no fuss no muss. (Though occasionally the noble flung off the bridges closest to the Tower accidentally lands on the service floor one level down.)

One of the most amazing things I have ever seen. Would have been even cooler had it worked.
Also, stupid question. What was that 3D visuals thing that you used in the third picture? I'm still relatively new.

[DrGravitas]

TRUNCATED

One of the most amazing things I have ever seen. Would have been even cooler had it worked.
Also, stupid question. What was that 3D visuals thing that you used in the third picture? I'm still relatively new.

Visual Fortress
It only works on the older, .40 versions, unfortunately.


However, I hear Stonesense 2.0 works for 31.05, although the latest version of the game is 31.12.

[Gatleos]

I always have an extensive prison system/dungeon, so I set up a system to injure them and capture them in cages. Then, they're just mixed in with all the criminals and goblin POWs. That said, I don't execute most of my nobles, just the worst offenders.

However, I hear Stonesense 2.0 works for 31.05, although the latest version of the game is 31.12.

There is a way to get Stonesense to work with 31.12. Just download Stonesense 2.0, then download this file and put it in the Stonesense directory:
http://stonesense.googlecode.com/svn/trunk/Memory.xml
Right-click the link and "Save as..."!

[NW_Kohaku]

The only noble I actually kill is the baron/baroness consort.  That's mostly to stop them from spitting out more babies than to stop mandates, though.

I tend to use tempting, shiny levers as bait in "execution chambers" filled with spikes that have glass windows so their loved ones can sit in the viewing booth and watch them bleed out.

I also pre-emptively spiked the hammerer to keep him in a hospital bed with a red wound to the hand in my first game, just as a precaution.  Didn't need it, though.

[Tywuzhere]

Haha, I made a thread about this a few days ago, asking if there was any penalty in regards to killing your nobles, I found out it wasn't that big of a deal, so I killed one.
I was he was in his room during a siege, so I put up/down stairs in his room, and locked the door. (The whole fort was underground, he was the first Z level down.) He got slaughtered in his room.

[Golcondio]

My fort is aptly named "Roastednobles"... guess what Armok wants me to do?

This said, my baron and mayor are behaving really well:
1. they demand stuff I can actually buy
2. they prohibit export of things I don't make
3. I drafted them and they hold their own in battle

I love these nobles, but I can't wait for the hammerer to arrive so I can give her a cleansing shower in the magma depot!

[shadowform]

Normally...  I don't, unless they like something like adamantine, <specific animal> bone, crystal glass, or some material not available for trade.  Generally you can plan ahead enough to import their material of choice ahead of time, especially now that sand can be imported, so mandates usually aren't much of a problem.

When I do need to kill nobles, I usually use a lever to draw them into a dangerous area (water reservoir, magma reservoir, easily locked room) and then do whatever works.

[Shaio]

I find giving them ornately decorated bedrooms at the edge of the map usually takes little time to get rid of them, and preemptive warning of ambushes is always good.

[Hyndis]

I don't.

You can select the dwarf you want as your noble. Why select a dwarf who likes adamantine and slade? Pick one who likes plump helmets and pig tail socks.

Also if you have no captain of the guard you can ignore demands completely and there are no consequences to this. At worst the noble becomes unhappy, but that is not within tantrum range. He'll just mope around and go back to admiring his completely sublime cabinets again.