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[juicebox]

Dear Dwarves of Violencegate,

That jabberer is minding it's own business, and it's not going to hurt you. Please stop spamming me with job cancellations.

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

[bloop_bleep]

Dear Dwarves of Violencegate,

That jabberer is minding it's own business, and it's not going to hurt you. Please stop spamming me with job cancellations.

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

But there must be violence at the gate!

[Magmacube_tr]

Dear Dwarves of Steelflags,

Please, I mean please, just do the food hauling correctly. Why is there 354 ☼giant moose meat roasts☼ just sitting around the prepared food stockpile? Why isn't there an option in this game to tell dwarves to separate stacks into smaller ones?! Toady, fix your game!

-Signed, Magmacube: The Fireblood Spirit

[TheFlame52]

Dear Dwarves of Steelflags,

Please, I mean please, just do the food hauling correctly. Why is there 354 ☼giant moose meat roasts☼ just sitting around the prepared food stockpile? Why isn't there an option in this game to tell dwarves to separate stacks into smaller ones?! Toady, fix your game!

-Signed, Magmacube: The Fireblood Spirit

It's too big for a barrel, but as long as it's in the food stockpile, dwarven magic will keep it from rotting.

[Magmacube_tr]

Dear Dwarves of Steelflags,

Please, I mean please, just do the food hauling correctly. Why is there 354 ☼giant moose meat roasts☼ just sitting around the prepared food stockpile? Why isn't there an option in this game to tell dwarves to separate stacks into smaller ones?! Toady, fix your game!

-Signed, Magmacube: The Fireblood Spirit

It's too big for a barrel, but as long as it's in the food stockpile, dwarven magic will keep it from rotting.

I know. It's just annoying.

[Kyubee]

Urist,

The first few months of the fortress are not the time to take a nap. You can sleep, when we have basic essentials set up

-Management.

[brewer bob]

Dear Management,

Have you ever tried to stay awake and work for several months non-stop?

No? Thought so.

Either let us sleep when we need to (preferably in a bed) or make us undead (preferably vampires without all that nasty dying business).

--Urist McDrowsy, on behalf of all Urists

[FGRSentinel]

Dear Urist,

I get it, I really do. Mining down large areas is hard. That's why I decided that, when I wanted to dig a moat around the fortress, I would carve the area down around the site. I even had the woodcutters clear all the trees beforehand. Please, tell me how you manage to knock yourself unconscious while channeling a floor I haven't had you dig under before.

Also, while you're at it, please tell your friends to stop channeling out floors in my watchtowers in a way that collapses the entire interior to the ground. One of them already got knocked unconscious after falling six z-levels four times and I'm worried for his health.

-Your very confused and concerned overseer

[Thisfox]

I get it, I really do. Mining down large areas is hard. That's why I decided that, when I wanted to dig a moat around the fortress, I would carve the area down around the site. I even had the woodcutters clear all the trees beforehand. Please, tell me how you manage to knock yourself unconscious while channeling a floor I haven't had you dig under before.

Dear overseer,
Mining a channel is hard, and I get tired of climbing up a slope after mining downward. I saw that I could just channel sideways after digging downward channels and thought "This looks like an easy way of solving my tiredness". I didn't realise that it would break off the floor above. In future, mark out where we need to channel a ditch one Z at a time, and not several Zs at once. You brought this apon yourself.
Yours with a sore head,
Urist McChanneler.

[FGRSentinel]

Dear random dwarven bard,

Yes, I'm glad you decided to visit my tavern and I know you traveled from far away. Your music and poetry are almost certain to make my fortress happy. I just have one question: why did you announce yourself as a vampire?

-The ever-concerned Overseer

[HMD Majesty]

To Whom It May Concern,

If you must rotate your Wagon through a Wall while manoeuvring to leave, please exit said Wall before remembering that it is solid and thus cannot be moved through.

By my hand,

Her Most Dread Majesty

[RandomEngraver]

Dear Urist McFisherman, please stop wading into the lake to club that carp to death with a bucket. It is unable to breathe on land and thus poses no danger to you if you leave it alone. Or, if you insist, at least use an axe, not a cherry wood bucket.
                                                                                         -The Overseer of Catmurdered

Dear Urist McTroopers, please keep away from the holy *carp bone figurine of a carp, two cats, and a cave dragon (the carp is laughing. The cats are chasing the carp. The cave dragon is dead.)* placed in the holy temple of Aanosiel the forgotten beast. Not only is it greatly impractical as a weapon, it's also coated in Aanosiel's total paralysis contact poison. Yes, I know you may drop your
-bismuth bronze hammers- every now and then, but would it hurt to just use your crossbows?

Any dwarf who butchers one of our beloved cats, tigers, etc. will be brutally slain via the Butcher of Sinners, a lovely artifact platinum warhammer. Fell mood or not, there is no excuse for such a crime.

Dear Urist McMoodyguy, please start crafting more practical items instead of a
*cherry wood crutch*. How about a *platinum warhammer*?

Dear dwarves, please be mindful of the fact that we keep stockpiles of various types of alcoholic drinks, from mead and beer to plump helmet wine. I'm looking at you, Urist McDoesNothingButComplainAboutLackOfVarietyInBooze.

Dear Urist McDistracted, please remain aware that putting poor Urist McTraumatized's guts back in is more important than getting a swig of sewer brew.

                         -The Overseer of Catmurdered, once more

[Akura]

Dear various dwarves,

Please stop filling your rooms with meat and letting it rot. At this point, I don't even want to know why you're doing this.

Signed,
Overseer.

[quintilius]

Urist McMilitiaCommander,

Those are the same gauntlets you had on a moment ago... and the same breastplate... ok... and the same greaves.
Good - wait - sure, ok, take them all off again.
And now you're naked. And have left some food in the corner.
Ummm. You realize you just did that, right?
Oh god - more food? Seriously?
You could actually pick a different uniform - here let me suggest... oh... doesn't matter?
Great.
Tell you what - let's just give up on this whole military thing. What could possibly go wrong.

[Urist McShire]

To the Dwarves of Razorcastle,

When I sound the alarm and call for everyone to fall back inside the castle, that means cease fishing in the brook immediately! Not doing so and returning inside through the east postern could lead to your imminent deaths.

Thank you.

Sincerely, your exasperated overseer, who managed to rescue your sorry asses with the axedwarf squad and marksdwarves on the ramparts.