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[pisskop]

Dear Mafol, future military commander

You deserve this for going on break after you hooked up the mechanisms to the bridge but before you pulled the lever.  At least the migrants stand a chance now.  Maybe.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I hope that cloud makes you sterile; death is already coming in the form of a duck.

  An overseer who doesn't care any more.

[Thisfox]

ETA: To add to the hilarity, other dorfs are bringing them food and water when they get hungry or thirsty.

"You're doing a great job, there Urist. I don't want this job, thanks for doing it for me, here, have a panda spleen biscuit to keep you going."

[Wooster]

Stop beating on that panda and get back to work!  She wasn't bothering any of you, aside from cancellation spam.  Seriously, you're going to piss off the Chinese government.  Also, Mists of Pandaria may not have been the best WoW xpac, but it was still fun.

Dear Urists of House Nyxalinth,

Well done for failing to take any casualties in your recent panda extermination efforts. We lost our best bone carver and somedwarf else when they foolishly attempted to tackle the black-eyed menace without weapons, armour or, indeed, common sense.

Urists of House Wooster

[Knight Solaire]

Dear Urist,

Yes, I know that your pet masked lovebird is inaccessible. No, I don't want to be reminded about it every half a second. Yes, you deserved to be dropped from the drawbridge into the room of traps. No, I'm not sure whether I'm glad you survived that or not.

[Bumber]

I hope that cloud makes you sterile; death is already coming in the form of a duck.

Only in DF.

[Akura]

I hope that cloud makes you sterile; death is already coming in the form of a duck.

Only in DF.

I do not see the duck thrall in the image.

[Adragis]

Dear Dwarves,
Kindly stop murdering people your adventuring partner just made peace with.
Yes, I realise that's how you handle politics.

[Thisfox]

Dear Mountainhomes:

Please, by all that is holy, can you take better care of your bloody nobles? I've got rather a lot of startled heirs here, and the last thing I need is more of them. Everyone, the nobles, the heirs, and our entire fort, all of whom are currently working on making yet another set of armor stands and weapon racks, gem encrusted chests, and digging out yet another set of appropriate rooms, every sodding one of us will be happier if you stop having unfortunate accidents up there. We were prepared for two or three nobles here in Crystallove, sure, but frankly I think you should start investing in some poison test kits, because five freshly minted nobles in a fort which only pierced the aquifer last month is quite enough already, thankyou so goddamn much.

p.s.
If you're determined to send all your titles here, perhaps you could also send us some migrants who know how to do something useful? I now have three gelders, thankyou so sodding much. If they gelded nobles, they might have been more useful, but as it is, a few migrants who knew how to engrave or encrust with gems might go a long way here. Or one who knows how to make rings, we've got rather a lot of mandates going on right about now, and all our metalworkers are now in prison. Thanks again.

--Overseer.

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

Dear Mafol, future military commander

You deserve this for going on break after you hooked up the mechanisms to the bridge but before you pulled the lever.  At least the migrants stand a chance now.  Maybe.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I hope that cloud makes you sterile; death is already coming in the form of a duck.

  An overseer who doesn't care any more.

I don't get it. What cloud, what duck, what's all that grey and purple stuff?

[BlackFlyme]

I don't get it. What cloud, what duck, what's all that grey and purple stuff?

Evil region. A security system was installed but not turned on when it should have been. Hence why the migrants now have a chance of entering the fort.

The cloud is a husking or thralling cloud, that caught a duck, turning it into possibly one of the most terrifying ducks in the known world.

The purple and gray are just evil plants. Wormy tendrils and staring eyes.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Dear Urist McMetalsmith,

Would you please stop doing all the non important filler jobs I gave you to keep you occupied when I want you to do your important metal crafting magic.

--Mysterious force

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Urist McPicky,

I had a variety of cloth available, but none of it was good enough to suit your persnickety ass.  From what I could see in your preferences, you didn't even prefer a certain type.  So of course you had to pick the one of which I did not have enough.  It's your own damn fault your mood failed and you went berserk.  did you have to punch all the dog's teeth out?  I gave you a slab, only because given how you died you would become a berserk ghost.

Given that you claimed a Crap (craft) shop instead of the mason's shop I had hoped for, and I have two other very proficient masons, it's no big loss, I suppose.

The overseer of Craftsclimax

[bigcalm]

Dear Outpost Liason,

When you failed to show up last year[1], I assumed that ours was the last outpost of dwarven civilization.  I wept bitter tears for our race - but resolved to try to succeed where others of our race had failed.  Our miner, Avuz, was appointed queen to rule over us, and wise and noble she is too.  So, when you turned up the following year, I was expecting a lot of news - a previously forgotten mountainhome had been discovered perhaps?  A new mountainhome had emerged?  A great siege had been overcome?  No - the only thing you told me that there was a new queen and mayor of Floorteach - and I can't help noticing that this is our settlement, and that engravings of it are all over the place that you saw as you came in.  I'm forced to assume one of two things

1) You're an incompetent oaf
OR
2) You cooked up the whole scheme with Queen Avuz before we set out so she could get the platinum footstools she always wanted.

Please bring me some proper news,

Overseer of Dakostamal, "Floorteach"




[1] No outpost liason ... how curious!

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Perthans of Duskglooms,

Y'all mofo's need Dagon.  Or a hobby.  Seriously, with all of you feeling that randy all the time, how is anything going to get done?  I embarked with you lot as CIV_CONTROLLABLE so I could get a feel for how balanced your personality traits are. I think I need to tweak the LUST_PROPENSITY for your race.  I know that when Battlespire came out in 1998 you were described as oversexed and unpredictable, but this is getting silly.   

Get a hobby!

Amused and a little discomfited,

She Who Creates All

[bigcalm]

Dear brewers of Dakostamal,

Whilst I admire your ambition, nay expertise, radishes are not a suitable item for the still.  I've mostly got my eyesight back now but two of our senior military dwarves may not be so lucky.  We will be loading all two hundred barrels of said product on to the wagons of the next passing elf caravan with good riddance.  If they go blind, they won't be able to find us.

Yours gratefully,

Overseer of Dakostamal, "Floorteach"