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[Wheeljack]

Dear Jackie,

RETURN TO AUTOBOT HEADQUARTERS AND CEASE PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES ALL DAY.

Signed, Ultry.

Dear Magpie,

After you, sir~

Sincerely,
Jackie <3

P.S. Seems someone does know the meaning of fun!

On a slightly different note...

Dear McHunter,

You took the time to climb that damn tree, you can take the time to climb back down it. I suppose I could have the carpenter cut it down - like the last three times - but I have a feeling your affinity for the high, leafy, green places of the world will only ensure you wind up right back in some other tree. I am not completely lazy, however! I did take the time to change your name in our registry. You will hence forth be known as Tarzan Treelover. Hope you can figure out how to pick your own fruit and drink rain water. Yes, yes, rain is not booze, but honestly, you've only brought this on yourself!

Come back down, and we'll talk, m'kay?

Your exasperated overseer,
Jackie

[The Dorfmeister]

Dear Urist McHunter...

I know your job is hunting and I know how you love it, but IF you have to go hunting, PLEASE don´t waste your crossbow bolts on that harmless, little weasel instead of hunting down that pack of hungry dingoes over there. Or the wild boars that provide far more meat than some (actually unbutcherable) weasel.

Sincerely - your hungry Overseer

[CaptainGame]

Dear Urist McCripple,

The giant gray langurs endemic to our new home have been a perennial pain in the beard for some time now, stealing things like clothing, bins of fruit, and the majority of the bones formerly located in your hands. While I can appreciate the tragedy of your situation and respect your determination to carry on with your dorfy life, I would deeply appreciate it if you would stop trying to get your spare hat into your cabinet with your feet and, more to the point, complaining to me when it does not work out.

Sincerely,

Your Overseer, who has better things to do than worry about whether or not you can organize your socks

[pisskop]

Dear Urist McCripple,

The giant gray langurs endemic to our new home have been a perennial pain in the beard for some time now, stealing things like clothing, bins of fruit, and the majority of the bones formerly located in your hands. While I can appreciate the tragedy of your situation and respect your determination to carry on with your dorfy life, I would deeply appreciate it if you would stop trying to get your spare hat into your cabinet with your feet and, more to the point, complaining to me when it does not work out.

Sincerely,

Your Overseer, who has better things to do than worry about whether or not you can organize your socks

Take away his cabinet.  He'll leave it on the floor.  Assuming he can get it to the room.

[CaptainGame]

In the end I just gave him a new home underneath a raised bridge.

[20firebird]

Dear Masons (and anyone else with the Architecture labor),

Why did it take you 2 weeks to build that wall? I told you several times that it needed to be done quick so nothing else would crawl up from the caves (remember Lonetaught?), but you spent ages dwaddling around doing Armok knows what. What if the cave crocodile found its way in? It would have been a massacre!

Sincerely,

Your very annoyed overseer.

P.S. Since I'm pretty sure at least one of you is too new to know about Lonetaught; he was a blind cave ogre that popped up while I was carving out the dining hall. He killed three dwarves before we got rid of him.

[CaptainGame]

P.S. Since I'm pretty sure at least one of you is too new to know about Lonetaught; he was a blind cave ogre that popped up while I was carving out the dining hall. He killed three dwarves before we got rid of him.

dEa^r d_warVe owⁿeR pERsuN:

mE lI_ek thEt St_oRI. teLl a_g ^en.

lUn^taUt

[UltraMagnus]

Dear Urist McLegendaryGelder:

No.

Sincerely, The unpixilated man.

Dear unpixilated overseerer,

You must understand my struggles to be such a profession. Absolutely nobody appreciates what I do, and for some reason even the military fears me. I don't know why, I'm such a great gelder that most of my patients can hardly tell a difference! Perhaps you would like to come into my offices for a free examination?

Sincerely, Urist McLegendaryGelder

[ikachan]

Dear Urist,

If you are upset that your relative died in the hospital then perhaps you should have fed him...

Sincerely your overseer who does not like it when you start a tantrum spiral

[CaptainGame]

Dear Werebear,

Couldn't you have been something funny like a wereiguana or a werecamel or something? If my fort has to fall I'd prefer it to fall to something entertainingly stupid.

Sincerely,

Ex-Overseer, who somehow finds his fort full of homicidal bear things kind of disappointing

[AlexanderTheIncompetant]

 Dear UristMcImbecilicgoblinfodder

Fists are not a more powerful weapon than battleaxes. For Armok's sake, stop making that panda suffer.

[pisskop]

Dear Dwarves

Its been almost 2 years.  Can I please appoint a commander so I can establish a fucking army?  Id like to not have to fight the semimegasbeasts with no goddamn military . . .

  A rather irritated overseer.

[Nyxalinth]

Dearr Urists too numerous to list (okay, four of you),

Stop beating on that panda and get back to work!  She wasn't bothering any of you, aside from cancellation spam.  Seriously, you're going to piss off the Chinese government.  Also, Mists of Pandaria may not have been the best WoW xpac, but it was still fun.

None of you know kung-fu, much less Panda Kung-Fu.  also, none of you even has Discipline skill.  You should be running away, nor fighting!

I guess it's good practice, though.

Your puzzled Overseer

ETA: To add to the hilarity, other dorfs are bringing them food and water when they get hungry or thirsty.

ETA the Second: It's finally dead.  The carpenter punched its head off.

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

I wish dwarves would choke when an enemy is unconscious, so that they wouldn't just stand there pummeling a half-dead whatever.

[pisskop]

I wish dwarves would choke when an enemy is unconscious, so that they wouldn't just stand there pummeling a half-dead whatever.

You don't want that.  Nope.  If dwarves started prioritizing wrestling than everything else would too.  Nope.