Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[snoopychicken]

Dear military of paper crafts, yeah sorry about the whole "you getting massacred" thing. Still, the goblins you did manage to kill have left some iron armour and their are few enough of you left that you don't need to share, so at least you can ditch this copper crap.

[CyberUrist]

Dear Complaining Dwarves,

Please stop complaining about the lack of a well when you have loads of booze.

Signed, your annoyed overseer.

[Loud Whispers]

Dear entire fortress,
Please stop shooting the were-civets,
It's seriously the 4th time this year you've shot Asmel in the head.

~Sincerely, LW

[Splint]

Dear residents of Bronzehoof,

STOP USING THE POTS TO STORE FOOD. THAT ISNT THIER PURPOSE AND IF YOU WANNA LIVE....
Let the brewer do her damn job. With those pots you think can only be used for food.

Thank you.
Overseer.

[Muddy Mudstone]

Dear dwarfs of Fortress Stupidgame,

You are tidy individuals. Not exactly hygienic, I admit, but tidy. To your tidy minds, indeed, your tiny tidy minds, it is an abomination that a single bag of seeds should rest undisturbed on one of the 40 free squares of the food stockpile if there is an empty barrel that it could be pointlessly stored in. So it should have come as no surprise to me that, when a barrel of 1 rum became empty, you rushed with uncharacteristic urgency to tidy away the bag of seeds into that barrel, the barrel which I had been intending ever since we set out on our journey, long before we arrived here last month, to use as part of the ashery building, so that we might fertilize the ground in which to plant the seeds.

It should not of course be a disaster that a bag of seeds is present in a barrel. Dwarfs are, I am told, intelligent beings, and should be able to simply take the bag out again. When I temporarily turned the meeting area into a garbage dump, and asked you to dump the bag of seeds there, I thought I had found a solution to this awkward situation. To permanently dispose of the seeds was not in fact the plan. I don't think you fully understood this when you carried out the task.

I make no apologies for having dug out a water source directly beside the meeting area; that is a very sensible and efficient place for a water source. Channelling into an aquifer is an ideal way to provide a perpetual source of clean water. It is not particularly clean right now, though, because it contains a bit of old goat meat I previously told you to get rid of, along with ALL THE SEEDS WE HAVE.

This is why I have asked you to construct another channel, several walls and a pump in the middle of the meeting area. I hope you will be able to carry out this completely unplanned task quickly and without any further incident, and that when we retrieve the waterlogged seeds they are still viable. If they are not, I hope you like eating only eggs for ten months.

Your curator.

[Corai]

Dear Splint,


Please stop stealing my kills, or I will bodyswap and drown you. And use your halberd, not your slicing knife. I am tired of bodyswapping to get you to use the thing.


Love, your boss.

[Broken]

Dear Urist:

You are one tile away for the entrance. You now, the ultra Trapped, ultra safe entrance of the fortress. Running away to the zombie
horde does not seem the optimal action to do, don't you think.

P.S : when we recover your zombified remains, i won't make you rest in magma. I will use you as a training dummy. You deserve
no better.

[crazysheep]

Dear Complaining Dwarves,

Please stop complaining about the lack of a well when you have loads of booze.

Signed, your annoyed overseer.

Dwarves need water to clean themselves.. can't use the booze to clean themselves, that's for drinking.

Dear Urist "Soon-To-Be-Mayor" McVampire

Thanks for the invitation to your Goblin Christmas Party.
Grandma Goblin is knitting socks in anticipation.

From Snugbo.

Dear Snugbo,

Bring your friends!

Love, Urist

[CyberUrist]

Dear Complaining Dwarves,

Please stop complaining about the lack of a well when you have loads of booze.

Signed, your annoyed overseer.

Dwarves need water to clean themselves.. can't use the booze to clean themselves, that's for drinking.

Oh, thanks for clearing that up.

[sirinon]

Dear Squads D through F of Tangledhalls military

I your God and ruler have decreed that you be drafted into the fortresses "meatshield" companies, While your Brothers in Squad's A Though C recieve a Full set of Steel Plate armour and weapons you will only be privied to the first sword and shield available ( If there are any ).

Your training will not be as great and you will only recieve Mediocre war animals.

Your duties will not be glorious or remembered in the great Tombs of our Leaders and In seiges you will be sent out  beyond the walls to hold the enemy at bay until The civilians can get to safety, you  may get lucky if Squads A Through C are sent to reinforce however this is unlikely as they serve the fort.

It is not all that bad however as there is room for promotions.
In the event that one of Squad A Through C dies of old age or in battle the best of your ranks will be promoted and recive all the benefits of being in an elite military squad.

In short Fight hard or Die fast

Your Lord and God
sirinon

[NineFourEightSeven]

Dear Yde, Bonecarver,

   Yes I know you put your heart and soul into that yak bone arrow, but did you really need to kill EVERYONE because the hunter broke it?

-Your overseer.

[WriterX]

Dear Yde, Bonecarver,

   Yes I know you put your heart and soul into that yak bone arrow, but did you really need to kill EVERYONE because the hunter broke it?

-Your overseer.

Dear Overseer,

 I needed more bones, for my arrows.

Sincerely, Yde.

[Loud Whispers]

Dear Dwarves,
It's now the 5th time you've shot Asmel this year. She doesn't appreciate it.
Please stop shooting her.

~Sincerely, Overseer.

[krenshala]

Dear Dwarves,
It's now the 5th time you've shot Asmel this year. She doesn't appreciate it.
Please stop shooting her.

~Sincerely, Overseer.

I'm assuming were-civet-ness prevents loyalty cascades from using Asmel for target practice?

[krenshala]

Dear residents of Bronzehoof,

STOP USING THE POTS TO STORE FOOD. THAT ISNT THIER PURPOSE AND IF YOU WANNA LIVE....
Let the brewer do her damn job. With those pots you think can only be used for food.

Thank you.
Overseer.

How many barrels is the food stockpile allowed to use? (Pots count as barrels for that purpose.)