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[Courtesy Arloban]

Dear Urist McAnimalLover,

  I appreciate you being the only person in town crazy enough to venture into the wilderness with me, even though I was just heading to the nearest fortress to get a full party of soldiers accompanying us.  Too bad the fortress was filled with Hippos instead.  I tried to redirect us to the nearest other town instead, but you insisted on chasing after every animal along the way throwing us way off course, and as I ran to keep up with you I didn't even get a single kill.  Then Night fell and every boogeyman I modded in joined the generated ones in beating me to a pulp at the same time, including the Oompa Loompa's who's constant singing was every bit as irritating and mentally scarring as the beating.(Maybe More).  I then noticed that in Legends mode you wet on to kill Bandits without me, and have yet to relocate to a town.  I have a new world to play with now so enjoy being erased.

I probably would have made it if I hadn't modded in extra boogeymen, because they all showed up to the party.  I was working on several ideas, from Oompa Loompa's singing, to Jack-Bots body plans, minions of Set using copy tags from snakemen, and henchmen copying tags from Humans. The screen was full of boogeymen.

[wierd]

Dear Urist McAnimalLover,

  I appreciate you being the only person in town crazy enough to venture into the wilderness with me, even though I was just heading to the nearest fortress to get a full party of soldiers accompanying us.  Too bad the fortress was filled with Hippos instead.  I tried to redirect us to the nearest other town instead, but you insisted on chasing after every animal along the way throwing us way off course, and as I ran to keep up with you I didn't even get a single kill.  Then Night fell and every boogeyman I modded in joined the generated ones in beating me to a pulp at the same time, including the Oompa Loompa's who's constant singing was every bit as irritating and mentally scarring as the beating.(Maybe More).  I then noticed that in Legends mode you wet on to kill Bandits without me, and have yet to relocate to a town.  I have a new world to play with now so enjoy being erased.

I probably would have made it if I hadn't modded in extra boogeymen, because they all showed up to the party.  I was working on several ideas, from Oompa Loompa's singing, to Jack-Bots body plans, minions of Set using copy tags from snakemen, and henchmen copying tags from Humans. The screen was full of boogeymen.

What do you get when your dwarf is a PRATT,
Drinking a beer, and increadibly FAT?

Blaming his kin is a lie and a SHAME,
When you know exactly what to BLAME!

(The hallucagenic mushrooms!!)

Oompa loompa, doopity dah!
If you're not wasted, you will go far!

Avoid creating night creatures too,
And be spared the oompa loompa doompaties too!

[WillowLuman]

What do you get when your dwarf is a PRATT,
Drinking a beer, and increadibly FAT?

Blaming his kin is a lie and a SHAME,
When you know exactly what to BLAME!

(The hallucagenic mushrooms!!)

Oompa loompa, doopity dah!
If you're not wasted, you will go far!

Avoid creating night creatures too,
And be spared the oompa loompa doompaties too!

Damn! It's too long to sig. But that just made my day

[lostsomething]

Huh... there's a starving baby in my dining hall for some reason. Oh well, I'm sure somebody'll take care of it.

(Time passes)

The baby's still starving? What's going on here? Who are its parents (looks them up)? All right, I'll cancel all of their labors so they can come here and take care of this baby.

(More time passes)

What the hell are those parents doing? "No job"? How about you take care of this baby before it dies right here on the floor?

(Baby dies, right there on the floor. Parents are very sad.)

Oh don't you give me that! I gave every possible opportunity to take care of that thing and I've got more than half a mind to send you right after it!

I seriously have no idea what happened there. My current fort's got more than twenty of the things and nobody's ever lost (Is that what happened?) one of the things but in that one game I just had that poor lonely baby starving to death in a crowd while its parents apparently couldn't have cared less up to the point it died.

[GoldenShadow]

They didn't want the baby and are acting sad to avoid suspicion.

[Aoi]

To the drake:

Somehow, you managed to outlive your master and single-wingedly destroyed an entire goblin ambush before the bumbling barely-trained guards even made it out the door.

If you could be afforded the position of Captain, you would receive it with my blessing. As you cannot, I will now commence constructing as many solid gold statues I can until I produce one befitting of your honor.

Sincerely,
A higher power

[gunpowdertea]

Yes, ducks are badass. See also this: Death Gate



To Moody McArmorsmith: A Iovium (LFR mod, heaviest metal) gauntlet. Well, I guess it packs a punch, but kind of a silly thing to make...

[Undercroft]

Dear Urist McVampire

While you are an interesting addition to my fort, and very popular too as your new position as mayor indicates, I am having doubts about your place within our community.
You see that it has come to my attention that not only have you drained the blood of my legendary miner (one of the founding seven who will be sorely missed), you have now also drained my legendary weaponsmith of his vital fluids. The legendary weaponsmith who forged that lovely artefact axe. The lovely artefact axe that his friend, Urist McAxelord, is introducing to the limbs of the assembled dwarves in the meeting hall.

Assuming there are any survivors, I would like it if you would keep your blood draining relegated to those worthless migrants i have sitting upstairs on the soil layer. Nobody will miss them, especially not bearded avatars of axe-based death. In fact if it wasn't for the fact that your death would likely inspire more tantrums i would have you chained outside as a gift to the next goblin siege.

- Management

PS. Don't grow too attached to that cat. A fort can never have enough cat-bone crossbow bolts.

[Musashi]

Dear Urist McParents

I hope you have nothing to do with your newborn daughter's name.

- Your Overseer


Dear Minkot Rimfist

What the fuck.

- Your Overseer

[peskyninja]

Dear Mr. Urist McHammererwhoiscoveredwithencephalicfluids.

That masterwork silver war hammer with masterwork descriptions of you killing prisoners with the said hammer is NOT for you.


-You overmind.

[Aoi]

To the lord of the Mountainhomes:

I am grateful for this chance to redeem myself after our last outpost failed due to a mysterious leak in the farms that had sprung while I had ordered the moats to be expanded. However, while reviewing the documents regarding the new outpost to be established, I could not help but note its name: Tombssubmerged. I would like to take this opportunity to petition for a name change.

Thank you,
The Flooder of Forts

[Schizotek]

To the lord of the Mountainhomes:

I am grateful for this chance to redeem myself after our last outpost failed due to a mysterious leak in the farms that had sprung while I had ordered the moats to be expanded. However, while reviewing the documents regarding the new outpost to be established, I could not help but note its name: Tombssubmerged. I would like to take this opportunity to petition for a name change.

Thank you,
The Flooder of Forts

Overseer Aoi,
Request accepted. The new outpost shall henceforth be known as Magmadrowned.
-Mountainhomes.

[WillowLuman]

Dear waterfall,

Thank you for killing that bronze colossus

Singed, your ally

[Aoi]

To: Urist McLegendaryEngraver, et al

It is NOT necessary to create realtime engravings of the slaughter of your comrades.

However, I commend you for your dedication to your post. May you be reborn as a champion of the axe, so that your sheer tenacity may be of some value.

-----

It was a lost cause the moment Jerhq Ivoryglow, the dreaded red dragon of wealth and fire spotted our 2-year old settlement with nothing of value other than a legendary engraver. Those of you who fell upon him with your fists died a death worthy of a dwarf; those who ran screaming and... somehow died after colliding with an obstacle, may you be there to feed the flames of Armok with your flesh.

[the remainder of the note appears to be charred by dragonfire]

[zehive]

Dear Urist McGreatMiner

Id like to say I'm impressed. You were digging a channel around the river, when you suddenly decided you were going to get into the channel. At first I figured you would just climb out, being on a big ramp and all.

But no. You stood there, in the water, and drowned.

And now the carp are looking at you like 'what the fuck?' I want your copper pick back, and I guess I'll get that when we drain the river in a few months, so we can finish the moat. Have fun being dead until I capture a necromancer, then its back to work.

Regards,
Your overlord