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[Romeofalling]

Dear Armok,

Across the last five universes unto which you have sent me to Oversee the work of our divine children, I have watched countless dwarven civilians kill mighty beasts they could not have been expected to beat, all using the same method. Tell me, Lord of All Creations Across The Multiverse, is it this way everywhere? Is there some genetic predilection in dwarves to grab their opponents by the tongue and then punch them to death?

I mean, if it happened only once in a while, that would be cool. But pretty much every combat I wasn't expecting to have has ended this way since DF2014 was first released.

Sincerely yours,
Your Overseer of the Catsacks

[fosstar]

Dear UrstMcDabblingSwordsdwarf,

If you could not try and take on 20 goblins yourself that would be awesome.

Sincerely,
A angry overseer.

[TubaDragoness]

Dear Angry Overseer:
Goblins are a vile plague on our world that must be eradicated as soon as dwarvenly possible. Waiting for backup gives them time to settle in. However, if I didn't know they were, say, around the corner, I'd be happy to wait for the rest of my squad to catch up before sounding the charge.
-Yrs, Urist McDabbling

--
Dear Bonecarvers of Paperweights:
We have NO SHELLS. We have not had a single shell the entire 8 years our fort has existed. Unless you happen to have some stowed up your rear ends for emergencies, please try to avoid designing glorious masterpieces that require shells. The workshops are starting to smell really bad from locking dwarves in, and it's hurting the crafters' work ethic.
-Management

[VolcanoQueen]

Dear jeweler and stoneworker of Atticequal,

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING. DO YOUR JOBS. You're not even stuck on anything, you're just standing there. There are plenty of jobs to be done, DO THEM. We have a visitor, damn it. Make a good impression.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

EDIT: Why aren't you eating food. Use your brains, damn it.

[Derpy Dev]

Dear jeweler and stoneworker of Atticequal,

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING. DO YOUR JOBS. You're not even stuck on anything, you're just standing there. There are plenty of jobs to be done, DO THEM. We have a visitor, damn it. Make a good impression.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

EDIT: Why aren't you eating food. Use your brains, damn it.

Maybe you should be happy these two aren't eating or drinking, do you want them spreading those genes?

[bloop_bleep]

Dear jeweler and stoneworker of Atticequal,

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING. DO YOUR JOBS. You're not even stuck on anything, you're just standing there. There are plenty of jobs to be done, DO THEM. We have a visitor, damn it. Make a good impression.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

EDIT: Why aren't you eating food. Use your brains, damn it.

...Sounds like they're stuck somewhere. You should check if they have a path to the rest of the fortress.

[VolcanoQueen]

...Sounds like they're stuck somewhere. You should check if they have a path to the rest of the fortress.

They eventually got themselves unstuck. How they got themselves stuck in the first place, however, is a mystery.

Maybe you should be happy these two aren't eating or drinking, do you want them spreading those genes?

Good point. If it happens again, I should probably just let them die of thirst.

[☼Another☼]

Dear Elven Spies,

We know that you are spies when you show up before we've even struck earth, claiming to be 'poets' and 'bards' while you're carrying shitty wood weapons.

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

Dear ☼Another☼,

Do you really want us to travel without protection? And we'll have you know that our finest swordselves have killed many dwarves with "shitty wood weapons."

The supposed elven spies

[Eschar]

Dear supposed elf spies,

You think we're going to take the chance? As soon as we dig out our actual quarters deep underground I'm locking you in the quick-and-dirty tavern we made when we got here. Then we will move out your starved, rotting corpses and use the room for farming. Or maybe a wood stockpile.

Regards,
The Visitor-Laden Overseer

[VolcanoQueen]

Dear Goden Etolrigoth,

Get out of that tree, stop hoarding food, and get back to work, you traitor. I saw your pile of stolen food. You are perfectly capable of getting down from there, stop hiding from your job. This will not be tolerated again. Do you want the damn tavern finished or not?

Sincerely, the Overseer

EDIT: Damn it, you got the jeweler and fisherman involved too! I'm not helping you three out of those trees. Are you happy with your decision?

[Jazz Cat]

Dear citizens of Worksquares:

I realize that the tavern is a very exciting place to be socializing these days since the two dozen visitors showed up at Worksquares (population: 12). However, there is important work to be done down in the aquifer layer. I assure you, the terrain is perfectly safe, and will continue to be so until our pump operators inevitably die of thirst due to somebody not getting around to walling off the aquifer in a timely manner.

Oh, and on an unrelated note, please tell Urist McCarpenter we need more coffins for the drowned miners.

[Hengikjoptr]

Dear Elven neighbors of our prosperous fortress,

I could never imagine that I'll ever say that but I appreciate your method of making debates with goblins.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Would you be so kind to send us more books and more dancers?

Sincerely,
Hengikjoptr of Mountainvessels.

On a (presumably) unrelated note...

Dear Dwarven people of Mountainvessels,

While it is strongly recommended to engage in discussions of elves with elves and especially with elven dancers, please consider donning any metal helmet before doing so: they do have really strong arguments at hand. Our goblin neighbours tasted it already, traces of it are smeared all over the Tavern entrance.

Sincerely,
your caring overseer.

[MorleyDev]

Dear Urist McLegendaryBlacksmith,

Please stop forging masterwork statues of Dwarves going insane and screaming. I want to decorate the road to the fort with golden statues of Dwarven valour and brilliance, and I'm not sure row after row of gibbering mad Dwarves quite fits the aesthetic I'm going for. It's best not to give the potential traders and migrants a warning of what is in store for them.

Thanks a bunch,
Your glorious leader

[Hengikjoptr]

Dear Elven neighbors of our prosperous fortress,
...
Would you be so kind to send us more books and more dancers?

Sincerely,
Hengikjoptr of Mountainvessels.

Dear Elven neighbors of our prosperous fortress,

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Stop it, please!
(besides, why so few dancers - and so few girls?! Well, thanks Armok it's not a yet-another-soapmakers-guild immigrating...)

Sincerely,
Hengikjoptr of Mountainvessels.