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[Magmodeus]

Dear Urist McThrillRide

Yes I know the artifact minecart is cool. Yes I know that the tracks are insanely long but make you go faster than the speed it takes to start up my computer. I know I put the stop to ride always, but for the love of me, stop timing it so you crash into dwarves that are crossing. Yeah you wiped out the King, Queen, Baron, etc, but you're staining the marble tracks/walls and the minecart.

Sincerely, Played Too Much Rollercoaster Tycoon.

[m4davis]

Dear Urist McThrillRide

Yes I know the artifact minecart is cool. Yes I know that the tracks are insanely long but make you go faster than the speed it takes to start up my computer. I know I put the stop to ride always, but for the love of me, stop timing it so you crash into dwarves that are crossing. Yeah you wiped out the King, Queen, Baron, etc, but you're staining the marble tracks/walls and the minecart.

Sincerely, Played Too Much Rollercoaster Tycoon.

Dear Played To Much Rollercoaster Tycoon
But I thought you hated nobles and there mandates for slade chairs
From Urist McThrillRide

[Hamsmagoo]

Dear Urist McNakedChildren,

Stop punching the mayor!  It's not his fault you have no clothes to wear.  It's my fault.  I admit it.

[GreatWyrmGold]

(Notes from a couple different fortresses)

Dear Urists McDeconstructors,
The rules are a bit harsher than they used to be. Please, step out ofthe way of any boulders coming down. Although, really, the cake was taken by the guy who took the stars out from under himself; shame he wasn't one of the guys who got injured notably.

Dear Urist McMiner,
You've brought a couple minor injuries on yourself, but this one was all mine. I'm sorry not to have taken into account all of the ways you could have dug yourself into the future well-shaft, leading inevitably to falling a few z-levels into the cavern lake. Good job of not dying.

Dear Urist McMilitiaCommander,
There were a few troglodyte attacks. After noticing one that attacked you in your sleep, what did you do? Chase it, beat it into a pulp, maybe smash its skull with your steel pick like you did with that troll? No. You were beaten back and retreated once one of your recruits showed up. And no, it doesn't really help that you were just going to get your pick; you should have had it to begin with!

Dear Urist McFarmer,
Good job of saving that cat from those olm-people.

Dear Urist McMiner,
The plan was:
Dig chute, carve tracks, make hole, send weapon-filled minecarts screaming down into the caverns to kill the olm-people.
No part of that plan involved you falling asleep within stabbing and certainly blowgunning distance of the olm-people, and also on the track. Thank Armok you woke up before they noticed you, and judging by the decomposition of the olm-person that the first minecart hit, it's probably good you weren't in its path.

Dear Urists McHauler,
Dig chute, carve tracks, make hole, send weapon-filled minecarts screaming down into the caverns to kill the olm-people.
What part of "weapon-filled" do you not get?



Sincerely et al,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[ClkWrkJester]

Dear Urist,
You decided you needed to walk across the map for a cool drink of water.
You decided the rum, wine, beer, etc that I worked my tail off to produce for you wasn't good enough.
You decided the well also wasn't enough for you.
Now you've been killed by zombie marmots. And you know what?
I'm glad you're dead.

Signed - Your Overseer.

[WillowLuman]

Suddenly, a wild thousands of horrible minecart accidents due to dwarven stupidity appear!

[Sus]

- From the desk of 'Airo' Ittásmelbil, acting commander-in-chief, Razorwheel Defence Force -

It has come to my attention that there have been several concerning lapses in the discipline, especially regarding uniform regulations.

As a defender of Razorwheel, you are assigned an uniform for a reason. Your weapon is also a part of that uniform; the most important part, some would say. You are also expected to wear that uniform even when not on active duty, for you may be called to Razorwheel's defence on a moment's notice. The uniform code may save your life.

Poor Obok Anamustuth violated uniform code, and more alarmingly, did so while on patrol duty. Obok also disobeyed a direct order to fall back to a staging area and wait for support to launch a coordinated attack in an orderly fashion. Instead, he chose to charge at a cyclops all by his lonesome, wielding nothing but a bismuth bronze shield.

Obok was buried last month, with little ceremony, in an unadorned sylvite coffin. Do not be an Obok; wear your full kit of armour, at all times, and keep your weapon handy. Be prepared; all our lives depend on it.


P.S.
No, really, I mean it: the debacle last week with the Forgotten Beast, that cost the life of my predecessor, must never, under any circuimstances, be allowed to happen again.

[Bastus]

Dear Urist McSpeardwarf
I´m sorry what happened to your cat. No one could know that your cat would think that the minecart tracks are a good place for hanging around. So please get off our Mayor it`s not his fault. And it wasn`t the fault of the three haulers you killed, too.

Your Overseer.

[Loud Whispers]

Dear Urist McSpeardwarf
I´m sorry what happened to your cat. No one could know that your cat would think that the minecart tracks are a good place for hanging around. So please get off our Mayor it`s not his fault. And it wasn`t the fault of the three haulers you killed, too.

Your Overseer.

The mayor is always to blame
~U. McSpeardwarf

[WaffleEggnog]

Dear Urist McMayorswife

We are sorry for your loss

We are sorry a minecart full of cerated iron disks was accidentaly shot at lightning speed into your husbands new room.

We are sorry that the minecart hit a wall and sent iron cerated disks everywere.

We are sorry that your husbands new room looked suspicialy like a massive blender.

And most of all, we are sorry you were unable to recive those slade earrings your husband wanted so dearly.

We are sorry for your loss, and we hope you enjoy your rehabilitation in the gold room.

Yours truly, your concerned Overseer

[Garath]

Dear Urist McMayorswife

We are sorry for your loss

We are sorry a minecart full of cerated iron disks was accidentaly shot at lightning speed into your husbands new room.

We are sorry that the minecart hit a wall and sent iron cerated disks everywere.

We are sorry that your husbands new room looked suspicialy like a massive blender.

And most of all, we are sorry you were unable to recive those slade earrings your husband wanted so dearly.

We are sorry for your loss, and we hope you enjoy your rehabilitation in the gold room.

Yours truly, your concerned Overseer

you do know you can replace mayors?

[WaffleEggnog]

you do know you can replace mayors?

Yes i do, im just worried for his poor wife :3.

[Garath]

right, it just looked like your mayor had an Unfortunate Accident, which is totally not needed since you can just choose your own mayor

[billybobfred]

To: All Dwarves of Steamwound
Re: The mysterious connection between barrels and booze

You have no booze. I admit, this is partly my own fault.

You cannot make booze, because you have no free barrels. Again, partly my own fault.

But when I tell you to make barrels, and issue standing orders to brew drinks ASAP...

why do you immediately take the barrels for other purposes???

The correct answer is supposed to be "We don't, because we don't like thirst and are not stupid". Not sure how you're getting your answer.

[MehMuffin]

Dear Urist the Miner,

I know that I ordered you to dig out that adamantine. I know that this is probably my fault. But please, let me ask one question:

Why is it all exploding?!