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[Cyroth]

Goblin magma SCUBA divers?

[Loud Whispers]

Dear Urist McHaulers

How the fuck have you guys managed to reserve every single bucket in my fort? There are thirty buckets here! I made so many just so you morons couldn't use them all at once!

Bloody hell.

Niccolo, Overseer.

Dear Niccolo, Overseer,

I took your buckets,

I now have 132 wells,

And 133 buckets.

And I put liquids in all of them.

[Mrmac23]

Dear Ant Woman Queen,

Apparently, you killed a Forgotten Beast called Piware that we in Silverright never noticed. I'm not sure how to put this, but well done.
I would give your corpse a burial, but i have absolutely no idea where you or Piware are.

[ObeseHelmet]

Dear Urist McExpeditionLeader:

Armok-damn it, I'm trying to trade with the dwarves. But when I turn off masonry on you, you haul around wheelbarrows. When I turn off hauling, you get a drink.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??

EDIT: And now he's eating? After the drink? F**k you, I'm making you a fish cleaner.

[Niccolo]

Dear Niccolo, Overseer,

I took your buckets,

I now have 132 wells,

And 133 buckets.

And I put liquids in all of them.

WHY do you have 132 wells? Does each dwarf get his own special one?
...
If that's the case, well done. And I'm a little scared of you now.

[Loud Whispers]

WHY do you have 132 wells? Does each dwarf get his own special one?
...
If that's the case, well done. And I'm a little scared of you now.

I think my logic pre-construction was since only one Dwarf can use a well at a time, I was going to make sure there would never be a queue. And then I might have not realized just how big I was making the damn thing ;P

To note, my reservoir has been filling up for 3 years now, and is still not full.

[Garath]

Dear Urist McExpeditionLeader:

Armok-damn it, I'm trying to trade with the dwarves. But when I turn off masonry on you, you haul around wheelbarrows. When I turn off hauling, you get a drink.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??

EDIT: And now he's eating? After the drink? F**k you, I'm making you a fish cleaner.

have you even noticed the "anyone can trade" toggle?

[Hamsmagoo]

Dear Lulo Rapidstrong the Color of Elders, Cyclops,

What's the point of even invading my fortress, if you're just going to stand around in the jungle, strangling the mayor for OVER A MONTH!?!?!?!?!?

[Ria Hawk]

Dear Lulo Rapidstrong the Color of Elders, Cyclops,

What's the point of even invading my fortress, if you're just going to stand around in the jungle, strangling the mayor for OVER A MONTH!?!?!?!?!?

At least it wasn't someone *useful?* Unless it was one of those nice mayors that like practical things. Also, I think I'm more impressed by the fact that it *took* a month to strangle the mayor. >>

[GreatWyrmGold]

Yeah, usually cycolpes aren't that patient.

Dear drake:
That minecart has hit you several times before. As amusing as it is to see you skimming over the plain, I'd appreciate it if you'd stay off the tracks.
Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[Hamsmagoo]

Dear Lulo Rapidstrong the Color of Elders, Cyclops,

What's the point of even invading my fortress, if you're just going to stand around in the jungle, strangling the mayor for OVER A MONTH!?!?!?!?!?

At least it wasn't someone *useful?* Unless it was one of those nice mayors that like practical things. Also, I think I'm more impressed by the fact that it *took* a month to strangle the mayor. >>

Actually waited two months, got bored, and sent out the military to save him with 0 casualities.  Greatly overestimated the abilities of this cyclops.

The mayor cancelled a mandate while being strangled, so it all worked out for the best.  He'll get a crutch and limp it off.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McSwordsDwarf,
The aligator snapping turtle that the stork corpse killed is alive again! Go kill it, please. No, Urist, it's not in the food stockpile, you're going the wrong way...

Dear Armok,
Why do you like sending white stork corpses at me? It happened last time I settled in an evil area, too...

Sincerely
GWG, Overseer.

[ledgekindred]

Dear Urist McVampireMayor,

I drafted you and sent you into the caverns so you could a) scout the caverns for me, b) stop eating my dorfs, c) die.  Please do (a) and (c) already.  You do too have a path to that herd of crawling eyes over there.  I know they aren't going to be a challenge, but you're just standing in place, issuing moronic mandates.  However in Armok's name you manage to do that from the third cavern level when you are walled out, I have no idea. 

Dear Third Cavern Level Miscreants,

Where are you?  Up until now I've had two forgotten beasts and a GCS come crawling from the depths.  Now you're satisfied with a bunch of eyes with feet?  I want that guy dead so get on with it already.

Yrs
Impatient Omniscient Overseer

[empfan]

Dear Urist McSwordsDwarf,
The aligator snapping turtle that the stork corpse killed is alive again! Go kill it, please. No, Urist, it's not in the food stockpile, you're going the wrong way...

Dear Armok,
Why do you like sending white stork corpses at me? It happened last time I settled in an evil area, too...

Sincerely
GWG, Overseer.

Think of that with me, but with Vultures shoving my dwarves into the river and giant badger zombies...every...Single...time

[Sus]

Dear mothers,

I am certain you imagine your little larvae to be beautiful and unique snowflakes. Nevertheless, I would appreciate if you did not shove them in my face when I'm trying to organize a battle so that the goblins don't fucking kill all of us, including you and your precious little parasites.

The same goes for you, Mr. "W00t w00t, I'mma getting my mood on!". Sure, you got a fancy idea and want stone blocks and whatever. Now go fetch, and leave me the fuck alone. Some of us are trying to keep all of us alive here.