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[DarkerDark]

In the Grim Darkness of the far future, there is only substance abuse.

You are a high ranking member in the fighting forces of the Imperium of Man known as the Imperial Guard. Your rank: Commissar. Your duties include monitoring junior and senior officers, ensuring they follow orders within line of the Imperial Creed, and motivating the lowly guardsman so they may give their lives for the God Emperor.

At least, that's what you've been charged to do, but in reality, you spend most of your time in your room drinking yourself into a drunken stupor. You've been stationed on some Emperor forsaken planet, attached to an Imperial Guard regiment that hates your guts. You have no friends, and you often cry yourself to sleep at night. Oh how things have gone downhill since you graduated from the Schola Progenium.

You wake up in your room. You remember nothing of the previous night, though noting all the empty bottles of booze, it was yet another depressing night of loneliness. You have a splitting headache. You are wearing your standard issue Commissariat jammies.



>

[Bandages]

>Remember name is Diasus Lincoln

>Weep gently whilst dressing yourself

[DarkerDark]

>Weep gently whilst dressing yourself

You retrieve your uniform from your locker. Someone has scrawled a random insult on the inside of your locker, it only reminds you how much everybody hates you. If only you could get a transfer to a regiment that actually respected their Commissars... Ah, who are you fooling, the only way you're going to transfer out of here is in a cold metal coffin.

The thought depresses you even further. You weep quietly as you dress yourself.

>Remember name is Diasus Lincoln

Once you dawn your Commissariat hat, the tears vanish, the liquor induced fog in your head begins to clear and you remember your name is Diasus Lincoln. Oh how this gargantuan hat brings you such comfort, how it empowers you with such a grand stature. What would you ever do without it? The hat commands the regiment's respect, even if you don't.



>

[Bandages]

>Put on a brave face and greet your regiment.

[Nirur Torir]

>Examine humorous doormat before leaving, to improve our mood.

[Criptfeind]

>Take a pull of something hard and rough. Put on boots.

[SHAD0Wdump]

>Undergo radical physical transformation brought on by hat.

[wolfchild]

Don't forget you're las-pistol, might nood to shoot some people to feel better

[Criptfeind]

Can I use this

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

as a avatar?

[Acanthus117]

Don't forget you're las-pistol, might nood to shoot some people to feel better

Laspistol?! We've got a fricking Bolt Pistol and Chain sword, ferEMPRAH'ssakes!

>Get badass weapons and move out to meet regiment. Proceed to scream the fuck at them.

[DarkerDark]

>Examine humorous doormat before leaving, to improve our mood.

This doormat was once humorous when you first got it, but now it reminds you of how much the regimental officers are complete dicks because not one of them EVER wipes their damn feet when they step into your quarters!

>Take a pull of something hard and rough. Put on boots.

Ah, there's nothing like a quick swig of "The Emperor's Moonshine" first thing in the morning! You feel more commanding, as though you can order the entire regiment into the Eye of Terror!

You dawn your boots.

>Put on a brave face and greet your regiment.

Don't forget you're las-pistol, might need to shoot some people to feel better

You can't go greet the regiment without your means of dispensing motivation! Now, if you can only remember where you put your motivation dispensers--... err, weapons!



>

[DarkerDark]

Can I use this

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

as a avatar?

Sure, use whatever you'd like!

[SHAD0Wdump]

>look under sheets, you've probably been sleeping with your weapons again.

[Acanthus117]

But also check your locker for your BOLT PISTOL AMMO.

They must be lonely in there

[wolfchild]

Dont you remember, you put you're hellpistol and power fist under you're bed