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[Loud Whispers]

I don't get it. I swim like a rock just fine.

I float. After a while I sink.

[Greiger]

According to my parents I learned how to swim when I was 3.  I don't recall ever not knowing how to swim.  I would try to give advice but it's kinda like walking, if I try to think about how I'm doing it, the magic stops working.

[Mech#4]

I like swimming! But the ocean is full of jellyfish, sea snakes and stingrays and public pools are full of chlorine and babies.

[Rose]

I like swimming, but I'm  bad at floating. Part of being skinny, I guess.

[RedKing]

Do you swim? It might do to strengthen the muscles.

Plus, swimming is fun.

I swim like a rock. Which is to say, no.
Tried to learn a few times, sank no matter how furiously I thrashed around. 

Reminds me of me trying to learn to swim as a kid. Probably due to the fact I had practically no body fat to keep me buoyant. I remember them trying to teach me to float on my back, but I'd invariably end up floating with my face just under the surface and getting water all up my nose, followed by me flipping out.

They eventually lost patience when I was lagging so much behind everyone else and chucked me in the deep end. I made it back to the surface but stopped taking swimming lessons.

I could probably learn today if I could find any swimming lessons that weren't aimed at kids...

Same problem here. Compounded by the pectus excavatum which meant that my "deep breath" didn't do a damn thing to help me float. After the third near-drowning, I said to hell with it and just stay away from swimming. Oddly enough, I'm not terrified of deep water and enjoy going out on boats -- all the while knowing that if I fall overboard without a life jacket, I'm dead.

I recommend blowing up a balloon and taping it into your chest cavity: Added bonus: walk into someone in such a way that it pops under your shirt, say 'I don't think ribs are supposed to do that' and collapse.

I must do this thing, for the lulz if nothing else.
Actually, I had something similar to this happen when I was learning fencing in college. Opponent got a good hard thrust into my chest, and the jacket caved in about three inches. He immediately backed off and was like "Oh shit dude, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good."
*chest pop*
"Happens all the time."

His reaction: 

* MaximumZero extends a MadeOfRockBroFist.

* Thing1 fistbumps Thing2.

IT'S CLOBBERIN' FACEPUNCHIN' TIME!

[Solifuge]

I learned to swim sometime around age of 4. My grandparents have video evidence somewhere; they took me and my sister to Disney World. I wasn't about to let all the other kids have all the fun, so I devoted my afternoons to learning the ancient secret of the doggy-paddle, with the help of some kindly veterans.

I float pretty well for someone semi-twiggy. Most of it is due to lung capacity from playing woodwinds; same reason I can dive for up to 3 minutes, if I hyperventilate slightly, and get some recovery time between dives. I've swam in swamps, rivers, in the open ocean, and miles from shore on the Great Lakes. Once had a snowball fight and went swimming afterward, while in California many winters ago, to the bewilderment of a few locals.

I really like the water. If you've never swam before, you really should try to learn. It can be a great experience.

[Reudh]

I learnt to swim at about the age of 12. I'm best at freestyle/australian crawl though I can do a passable backstroke. I love underwater swimming and the feeling of gliding underwater, especially launching off from something underwater to give myself extra speed. I can't hold my breath terribly well though, my record being 45s under constant use and 1 minute sitting as still as possible.

[nenjin]

I learned to swim for reals at about 8, when an uncle took me out way, way far into Lake Michigan and then just kinda sat back and watched me dog paddle until I became exhausted. At the time I honestly thought he was going to let me drown. I couldn't touch bottom anymore and I've never been so tired in my life. My arms were burning with the exertion.

Weirdly though, that didn't translate into a fear of swimming but a love of it. Every summer I tell myself I'm going to swimming but I never do. I only really ever go swimming when I head back to that beach at my grandparent's.

[MonkeyHead]

Dead car is dead. Thus continues the long standing tradition of not owning a car for more than a year. The roll of honour goes as follows:

Vauxhall Estate, snapped chassis.
Mk1 VW Polo, reversed into by idiot.
Mk2 VW Golf, water pump failure leading to many electrical faults.
Pug 306, wheel fell off at 60 mph, massive damage to steering and suspension.
Pug 306, numerous electrical and engine management faults due to small fire in airbag management system.
Pug 205, slipped piston ring, big explosion.
Pug 205, hit by banned and uninsured drive, ended up on roof in garden.
Pug 306, suspension and brake failure at 70 MPH, fluid and bits of metal everywhere.
Pug 406, cracked cylinder head, moderate sized oil fire.
Pug 306, crashed into bus.
Citroen ZX, catastropic effects of cooling fan passing through engine, fluids and metal all over the place.

All for sale cars in north wales beware, I, the reaper of shit cars, am coming for you

[MaximumZero]

Dead car is dead. Thus continues the long standing tradition of not owning a car for more than a year. The roll of honour goes as follows:

Vauxhall Estate, snapped chassis.
Mk1 VW Polo, reversed into by idiot.
Mk2 VW Golf, water pump failure leading to many electrical faults.
Pug 306, wheel fell off at 60 mph, massive damage to steering and suspension.
Pug 306, numerous electrical and engine management faults due to small fire in airbag management system.
Pug 205, slipped piston ring, big explosion.
Pug 205, hit by banned and uninsured drive, ended up on roof in garden.
Pug 306, suspension and brake failure at 70 MPH, fluid and bits of metal everywhere.
Pug 406, cracked cylinder head, moderate sized oil fire.
Pug 306, crashed into bus.
Citroen ZX, catastropic effects of cooling fan passing through engine, fluids and metal all over the place.

All for sale cars in north wales beware, I, the reaper of shit cars, am coming for you

Buy one for me too, will ya?

[Greiger]

Wow, that's one hell of a record.  I get at least 3 years out of all the cars I bought, and they were all the under $2000 kinds.  It astounds my father that all these junker cars manage to last so long under my care when I don't even change the oil.   He jokes that all the sludgy oil is probably acting like glue and holding the car together.

The worst catastrophic thing that ever happened to any of my cars was my old geo storm's engine failing suddenly while going down the road.  I learned that it's a very bad thing when your car fails and you find water and radiator fluid in the oil.


Good luck on finding replacement transportation.  Maybe this one will last a bit longer.

[Sirus]

I'm a little shocked by the number of cars you've been through

My car is older than I am and it's been under my name for 7 years. It's needed repairs every once in a while, but never been totaled.

[MaximumZero]

My RAGE of the day: my college wants another transcript of my high school "career", or another copy of my diploma. They have three of each already. I'm really, really sick of the paperwork nonsense that they consistently pull on me.

[Jopax]

A mosqito is pestering me. Several bites so far, the most annoying ones are on the arms and fingers, itching like fuck and there's not much I can do about it.

When I get my hands on that little piece of shit.

I WILL SUCK THE BLOOD OUT OF YOU YOU LITTLE ASS!!!! YOU HEAR ME!!!! YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!!!

[Descan]

My RAGE of the day: my college wants another transcript of my high school "career", or another copy of my diploma. They have three of each already. I'm really, really sick of the paperwork nonsense that they consistently pull on me.

Hmm.

Do you have a stapler?

I think someones head needs two holes and a curtain.