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[sonerohi]

Quick, drink a fifth and eat some candy canes.

I may regret asking, but what will that accomplish? Alcohol and sugar...

Get you wasted and happy.

[Jude]

Bay12, where people with conditions that obviously require medical attention ask a bunch of unqualified nutjobs what they should do, and then reject the advice (which is, obviously, GO TO A DOCTOR) possibly on the grounds that the people giving it are all unqualified nutjobs

[Retro]

If you're bleeding from one nostril, get check out by a specialist. You may be a psychic.

[Antioch]

I study medicine, Is the blood dark red or is it light?


just go see a doctor.....

[Muz]

Um, yeah, doctor. Might be worms. Doctor will still give you the right medication for it. Cat tallow and bleach may cure worms, but they could cause worse problems.

[Nikov]

Um, yeah, doctor. Might be worms. Doctor will still give you the right medication for it. Cat tallow and bleach may cure worms, but they could cause worse problems.

Best way to kill stomach parasites is to drink a tablespoon of kerosene or eat a few cigarettes. The theory, of course, is that you have more cells than they do.

[smigenboger]

Unless it's a really bad infection

[Pathos]

Unless it's a really bad infection

And then you just drink more kerosene and eat a lit match.

Remember: Fire is the best cleanser.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Unless it's a really bad infection

If the parasites have more collective cells than you, then you're already screwed. And while I hate docters with an unmatched passion, it may be best to see them soon. Chances are you are fine, but if it really is parasites and you don't get proper treatment, then you will die. Did you eat any meat recently, most notably home-cooked hamburger or any fish?

[Nikov]

Unless it's a really bad infection

If the parasites have more collective cells than you, then you're already screwed. And while I hate docters with an unmatched passion, it may be best to see them soon. Chances are you are fine, but if it really is parasites and you don't get proper treatment, then you will die. Did you eat any meat recently, most notably home-cooked hamburger or any fish?

Anal fissures don't require a doctor. I get those off and on. Also he's already said he's fine, its a hemorroid.
Really the rule is bright red or black. Red is fresh, black is old and a sign of internal, long-lasting bleeding. The latter requires urgent attention, while the former is more wait-and-see.

[ChairmanPoo]

Anal fissures don't require a doctor.

Anal fissures can be a first sign of Crohn, ETSs, or cancer. So it is, in fact, a good idea to get them checked out.

[Nikov]

You act like you enjoy seeing the proctologist. Enjoy the little neck massages or something?

And I'm pretty sure when you go *HRRRRRRRGH* beforehand, you can safely rule out certain contingencies.

[ChairmanPoo]

No, I act like I have an exam on this stuff in 18 days.

[Footkerchief]

No, I act like I have an exam on this stuff in 18 days.

Suddenly your name makes sense.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

Amputate.