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[Peewee]

Start with "Still Alive."

An Omegle conversation I just finished:

Spoiler: long (click to show/hide)

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: This was a triumph
You: I'm making a note here
Stranger: huge success
You: It's hard to over state my satisfaction
Stranger: apeture science
You: We do what we must because we can
Stranger: aperture*
You: for the good of all of us
Stranger: except the ones who are dead
You: but there's no sence crying over every mistake
Stranger: You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
You: And the science gets done
Stranger: And you make a neat gun.
You: for the people who are still alive
Stranger: I'm not even angry.
You: I'm being sooooooo sincere right now
Stranger: Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
You: And tore me to pieces
Stranger: And threw every piece into a fire.
You: As they burned it hurt because
Stranger: i was so happy for you
Stranger: Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
You: And we're out of beta
You: we're releasing on time
Stranger: so i'm glad i got burned
You: think of all the things we learned
Stranger: for the people who are still alive.
You: Go ahead and leave me
Stranger: I think I prefer to stay inside.
You: Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Stranger: Maybe Black Mesa
You: THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Stranger: Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist.
You: Look at me still talking
Stranger: when there's Science to do.
You: When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
Stranger: I've experiments to run.
You: There is research to be done.
Stranger: On the people who are still alive.
You: And believe me I am
You: still alive
Stranger: I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
You: I feel fantastic
You: and I'm still alive
Stranger: While you're dying I'll be still alive.
You: And when you're dead I will be still alive
Stranger: still alive
You: still alive
You: *high five*
Stranger: *highest five*
You:
Stranger: best omegle experience of my entire life.
You: Good job
You: I've been starting off for half an hour
You: and most I've gotten is "what?
Stranger: seriously?
Stranger: lame.
You: srsly
Stranger: the internet is made of geeks, how is that possible?
You: Not Omegle
Stranger: and i'm a girl!
Stranger: sheesh.
You: Omegle is made of ASL LOLOLOL
Stranger: uggghhhhh seriously.
You: and twats
Stranger: hahaha
You: (people who twitter)
Stranger: please tell me you have a tumblr where i can befriend you.
You: -.-
You: fuck you
Stranger: -.-
Stranger: OOOOOOH
You: part of the blogosphere
Stranger: whatever. my blog is awesome.
Stranger: and not lame.
Stranger: or for babies.
You: damnit
Stranger: or twilight.
You: and I thought you were OK
You: ah well
Stranger: i am better than ok.
Stranger: you should be on geekscape.
Stranger: then.
Stranger: guy.
You: ...
You: never heard of it
Stranger: oooooooooh.
Stranger: you're not a /b/tard are you?
You: ...
Stranger: or a SA goon?
You: maaaayyybeee
Stranger: NO SHIT
You: D:
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: rearry?
You: I spend my days writing java for classes... no time for blog shit anyway
Stranger: oh. poop
Stranger: you're too fancy for the internet. i see.
You: ...
You: if you call 4chan fancy...?
Stranger: oh man.
You: what
Stranger: what console do you have?
You: PC
Stranger: only?
You: I can play ANY game
You: fuck yeah...
Stranger: oooooooh
You: emulators + xbox 360 controler FTW
Stranger: nice!
You: Besides, NVidia GeForce 9800 GT > whatever's in the PS3
Stranger: i have too many consoles, but i love them and most were free so whatevs.
You: I used to have a Wii ;-;
You: didn't bother taking to college
Stranger: i just discovered how much fun those are over christmas
You: yeah
You: but really only for party games
Stranger: yeah
You: solo they suck
Stranger: honestly, if i wanted to play twllight princess, it would be on the gamecube, never on a wii
You: <--- got TP for wii as christmas present
You: wasn't that bad actually
You: aiming is a helluvalot easier than joystick
Stranger: really? i thought it would be annoying trying to swing
You: Nah
You: just a quick shake
Stranger: hmm...
You: does the trick
Stranger: that actually sounds pretty rad
You: no need to excersise
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: then i would have no reason to leave the house
You: ... food? water?
Stranger: those come to me.
You: IRL friends?
Stranger: those come to me too
You: lol
Stranger: i have a huge television and a lot of consoles. my friends like my apartment more than their own.
You: and does mom make cookies
Stranger: hahaha, i make cookies. my mom lives 3000 miles away.
You: AWESOME
You: You don't happen to be living in Michigan, do you?
Stranger: nah. los angeles.
You: Baw
Stranger: i knowwwwwwww.
Stranger: i used to work for activision though, and if you want to work in the industry, you come out here -.-
You: >.>
You: *suspicion bar maxxed*\
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: the santa monica offices on ocean park
Stranger: directly across from the counter, which has the most dope burgers ever.
You: and which game does your name appear in the credits?
Stranger: it doesn't. it would've been on call of duty 4 with craig, tj, and hideki, but i didn't test it that long.
You: *BS alarm faintly ringing in the distance*
Stranger: when you work for activision the game that they train you on is blade.
Stranger: it sucks a fuck.
You: :/
You: training?
Stranger: mmhmm
You: what for?
Stranger: if you want to do QA, they train you to be a tester.
Stranger: you usually have 2 weeks.
You: I dun get it... how does playing blade train you to test games?
Stranger: trains you to find bugs
You: :/ hard to miss, don't you think?
Stranger: which you then have to write boring, detailed reports for
You: AH
You: ok
You: got it
Stranger: depends on if you're looking for a maphole or a gamebreaker
You: The type that shortened one of the tomb raider games down to about 15 minutes, just using map exploits
Stranger: hahaha
You: underworld, IIRC
Stranger: i didn't know about that.
You: yeah
You: every single map had a shortcut
Stranger: the testers for borderlands were retarded.
You: NO RLY ?
Stranger: so many bugs.
Stranger: have you played any of the DLC?
You: ... mmmmm no?
You: I don't enjoy the concept of DLC
You: milk more monies out of an incomplete game
You: by adding mini-expansion packs
Stranger: what'd you think of dragon age?
You: ehh.....
You: never finished it
You:
Stranger: hahaha
You: Good game
Stranger: did you at least get to the sexytimes?
You: just not my style of gameplay
You: HELLS YES
Stranger: nice
You: dissapointed by it, but was to be expected
Stranger: well yeah, they can't show naked parts
You: it wasn't exactly rated Ao
Stranger: i was just surprised that morgan was wearing a bra.
Stranger: morrigan*
You: me too....
You: thing's invisible under her normal garb
Stranger: have you heard anything decent about the new FF?
You: Um
You: haven't heard anything about the new FF
Stranger: i can't decide if it's worth my time
You: I've READ only a little about it
Stranger: plbbbbb.
Stranger: it sounds like fucking haley joel osmont did VO for them
You: I played exactly one game of the final fantasy genre
Stranger: hahaha
You: er series
You: the PSO one for gamecube
Stranger: so what games are you into?
You: Er... hate to say it like this
You: but indie D=
You: dwarf fortress
Stranger: soooo peggle
You: world of goo
You: fuck peggle
Stranger: and nobi nobi boy
Stranger: hahahaha
You: DWARF FORTRESS
You: THE GAME WHERE ELVES ARE
You: CANNIBLES
Stranger: sorry, when people say "indie" it makes me think of motherfucking nobi nobi boy. the worst shit ever.
Stranger: o.0.
Stranger: i like those things...
You: lol
Stranger: do the dwarves eat other dwarves or do they eat the elves...
You: THE GAME WHERE THE SOLUTION TO ALL PROBLEMS IS MAGMA
Stranger: o.0
You: Elves eat everything
Stranger: hahaha
You: including their fallen foes
Stranger: i need to play this.
You: in battle
Stranger: where is my google. i need screencaps.
You: THE GAME WHERE YOU CAN BUILD LITERALLY ANYTHING
You: YOU MAY NOT WANT SCREENCAPS >_>
You: because
You: it has a horrible
You: horrible
You: horrrrriiiiibbbbbllleeee GUI
Stranger: HAHAHAHA
Stranger: yeah, i just noticed that
You: http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Boatmurdered/intro.html
You: That's the story to start reading into DF
You: with
You: ... eh that sentance failed the grammar check
Stranger: http://www.dragonagenexus.com/downloads/images/356-2-1261013355.jpg
Stranger:
You: that's...
You: wait
Stranger: ENCHANTMENT!
You: I THOUGHT SO
You: WTF
Stranger: hahahaha
Stranger: that's my favorite thing ever.
You: D=
You: WHAT
You: WHY
Stranger: i want to play this game.
You: Dwarf fortress?
Stranger: yes.
You: Alrighty
You: Be warned, it's got the steepest learning curve ever devised
Stranger: oh good.
You: and there are no wining conditions
You: only losing conditions
Stranger: -.-
Stranger: i only want to win.
You: Then DF is not for you
You: You can only survive.
Stranger: laaaaame.
You: NOT THAT SURVIVAL IS EASY
You: if you don't get killed by the native wildlife,
You: the gobblins will probably get you
Stranger: hahaha
You: and if they don't
Stranger: now you're making it appealing again.
You: you probably don't have enough food to last through the first winter.
You: If you can last the first few years
You: you'll be managing 30+ dwarves.
Stranger: can i just make them eat each other?
You: Who all have relationships with eachother.
You: Actually, yes....
Stranger:
You: ...
You: well
You: sort of
You: they won't EAT eachother... but they will willingly kill eachother
Stranger: and THEN eat each other?
You: No. sorry
Stranger: what if they have no food?
You: They eat vermin
Stranger: -.-
You: and get unhappy.
Stranger: i'm going to make them all kill each other until there is only one.
You: Unhappy + dwarf = violent shitstorm
Stranger: and then i'm not going to let him eat anything.
You: He'll go insane
You: literally
Stranger: yes.
Stranger: i like that.
You: He may or may not go melencholy
You: and try to kill him/her self
Stranger: yessssssss.
You: Well, if you can push past the ASCII graphics, the link is...
You: hang on
You: site's not responding -.-
Stranger: lame.
You: well
Stranger: brb, getting sleepytime medicine.
You: http://df.magmawiki.com/index.php/Main_Page will take you to the right place
Stranger: nevermind, husbos is fetching it for me.
You: My name on the forums is Peewee
Stranger: hahaha
You: =S
You: OH HAY
You: ITS MARY JANE TIME HERE
You: in EST, it's now 4:20
Stranger: like "tiger you just hit the jackpot" mary jane?
Stranger: ohhhhh
Stranger: the weed kind.
You: oshi
You: that means bed time >.>
You: <.<
You: >.>
Stranger: does it make you sleepy?
You: only a little
You: OH BY THE WAY
You: don't bring any cats
Stranger: it just makes me projectile comit
Stranger: vomit*
Stranger: dwarves eat cats?
You: cats + dorfs = cats adopt dorfs, enslaving them
Stranger: o.0
Stranger: whaaaaaat
You: if you kill a cat, it makes the dorf get a strong negative thought
Stranger:
Stranger: THAT IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD
You: oh, and cats tend to breed out of control
You: so if you have 2,
You: by the end of the third year your computer will be whining at all the pathfinding
Stranger: hahaha
You: Seriously.
You: Do NOT underestimate pathfinding in this game... It looks sooo simple
Stranger: i'm excited by this
You: How fast is your processor?
Stranger: i have noooo idea
You: hit windows key + pause/break key
Stranger: it's a mac
You: -.-
Stranger: 1.67 ghz?
You: Oooohh.... yeeeaaaaah
Stranger: this thing is old as fuck
You: Don't expect higher than 40 FPS after you get migrants
Stranger: -.-
You: Maybe 60 before... if you don't embark on a location with too much water
You: List of fortress ends:
You: -Insane dwarf kills everyone
You: -Gobbo invasion
You: -Elf invasion (after killing their stupid trade caravans once too many times)
You: -Elf invasion (after ignoring neo-nazi limits on cutting trees)
Stranger: yesssssss
You: -Kitten spam
You: -Leaky water experiments
You: -HFS (Hidden Fun Stuff)
You: (spoiler warning if you look up HFS)
Stranger: aw man
Stranger: that just makes me want to look it up
You: -GCS (Giant Cave Spiders)
Stranger: NO
You: -Starvation
Stranger: NO SPIDERS
You: Oh
You: they just show up as capital grey "S" characters -.-
You: and only at chasms
You: and bottomless pits
Stranger: oh
You: -Playing with magma
You: -Urist McNoble demands 3 Adamantium Statues to be placed in his bedroom!
Stranger: i'm watching the dumbest movie ever right now
You: eh?
Stranger: "hurt"
You: Never hurt of it
Stranger: it's SO bad
You:
You: I MADE A FUNNY
Stranger: i need an adamantium spine.
You: Oh that reminds me
You: -Archers
You: Crossbowmen/elves/gobbos/dwarves
You: are soooo overpowered
Stranger: o.0
You: One bolt can rupture internal organs and poke out both eyes at the SAME TIME
You: And lop off a toe for good measure
Stranger: how is that even possible?
You: Damage calculations are done with a random number generator. That's how.
Stranger: nice.
You: Also, a well trained (legendary+5 is max skill level by the way) bowman can shoot about 3 bolts.
You: PER FRAME.
Stranger: o.0
You: o_O indeed
Stranger: i need to play this.
You: gatling-bows
You: http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/df_28_181_40d.zip There's the latest version (lol latest... last update was in Sept. 2008)
You: and you'll need this.
You: http://df.magmawiki.com/index.php/Your_first_fortress
You: tutorial
Stranger: haha, thank you!
You: NP.
You: I hope he comes out with the new update soon... the developer used to be a math professor
You: gave up his job
You: and now lives off the donations
Stranger: that's pretty awesome.
You: 2-6K per month
You: I expect he'll push 10K in a week when he releases his huge 2-year update
Stranger: that'a crazy.
You: Indeed
Stranger: if only i were a math professor.
You: Lol
You: DF: the game where military mothers carry THEIR NEWBORN BABIES into battle
Stranger:
You: DF: the game where a big enough dining room solves ---A---L---L--- Ok, MOST morale problems
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: i'm gonna go to bed, but thanks for the links!
You: Good night
You: sleep tight
You: don't let the GCS bite
Stranger: hahaha, later.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

So now I'm pretty sure the right way to introduce somebody to dwarf fortress is through another game.

(If you're the 'stranger' I talked to, say hi )

[zwei]

I myself am fairly bad at explaining dwarf fotress to people in actual conversation, so I made page i can just link to and let people absorb whatever i think is they shoult be told about it in their own time: http://df.zweistein.cz/

[UristMcGunsmith]

I either tell them to read BoatMurdered or cater to their strange fantasies through dwarf fortress. I have one friend who CAN NOT get enough cock jokes, so I made a fortress in the shape of a giant phallus. That got him into it.

[SolarShado]

I myself am fairly bad at explaining dwarf fotress to people in actual conversation, so I made page i can just link to and let people absorb whatever i think is they shoult be told about it in their own time: http://df.zweistein.cz/

Like the page.

[PhilbertFlange]

I tend to drop funny stories about stuff going on in my forts.

• My fisherdwarf keeps getting harassed by that blind elephant that got its eyes punched our last year.
• I decked out my fortress guard in chrome armour, as I wanted the most garish and bright outfits for them.
• *points* That's the cage I stuffed 75 llamas into.

[RichardTheWizard]

I never have the chance to show anyone my current fort so I end up telling them stories about it, I just come across as a massive geek 

I think the name puts people off 'Slaves To Armok: God of Blood Chapter II:Dwarf Fortress'
One of my friends tried playing it but couldn't get around the ASCII or the awesome depth that the game contains and the name, he imagined some nerds in a dark basement playing one of those RPG boardgames.

[Mr. Penguin]

I've always relied on seduction to get people interested in df.

[buckets]

I've always relied on seduction to get people interested in df.

Me too, although I think some thing is wrong with my technique. I usualy just charge screaming at the nearest group of people while wielding an axe. No one seems to appreciate this.

[Meanmelter]

Most people these days choose Graphics over gameplay, that is the problem. All my friends refused to play it because " It looks like a gigantic green shit with vomit moving around!" I can only get the people who are more of a Gameplay/Roleplay/Strategist/survival/ over graphics players to play this game.

[Dabi]

Most people these days choose Graphics over gameplay, that is the problem. All my friends refused to play it because " It looks like a gigantic green shit with vomit moving around!" I can only get the people who are more of a Gameplay/Roleplay/Strategist/survival/ over graphics players to play this game.

I have the same problem, noone I know will try the game. It's mainly "...It looks crap" typical trolly friends.
If only I had a friend which played DF with me oh god all the fun i could have.

[Mr. Penguin]

I've always relied on seduction to get people interested in df.

Me too, although I think some thing is wrong with my technique. I usualy just charge screaming at the nearest group of people while wielding an axe. No one seems to appreciate this.

Are you sure you're doing it right? You have to be naked or wearing a Scottish kilt for people to get interested. I've also heard that being soaked in vomit or kitten blood also works, but I've not tested that yet.

[Johnny]

I got my little brother and his best friend playing using Boatmurdered and the anecdotes method, though I got mocked relentlessly about it for a few months first.  I usually just shorten the name to Dwarf Fortress (or Dork Fortress, if I'm being honest) and tell people that it's an elaborate sadism simulator.

[carebear]

Start with "Still Alive."

I thought this was going to end with the fact that pretty much every line you said could be applied to Dwarf Fortress and that the song wasn't about Portal in the first place.


You: This was a triumph
You: I'm making a note here
Stranger: huge success
You: It's hard to over state my satisfaction
Stranger: apeture science
You: We do what we must because we can
Stranger: aperture*
You: for the good of all of us
Stranger: except the ones who are dead
You: but there's no sence crying over every mistake
Stranger: You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
You: And the science gets done
Stranger: And you make a neat gun.
You: for the people who are still alive
Stranger: I'm not even angry.
You: I'm being sooooooo sincere right now
Stranger: Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
You: And tore me to pieces
Stranger: And threw every piece into a fire.
You: http://As they burned it hurt because
Stranger: i was so happy for you
Stranger: Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
You: And we're out of beta
You: we're releasing on time
Stranger: so i'm glad i got burned
You: think of all the things we learned
Stranger: for the people who are still alive.
You: Go ahead and leave me
Stranger: I think I prefer to stay inside.
You: Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Stranger: Maybe Black Mesa
You: THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Stranger: Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist.
You: Look at me still talking
Stranger: when there's Science to do.
You: When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
Stranger: I've experiments to run.
You: There is research to be done.
Stranger: On the people who are still alive.
You: And believe me I am
You: still alive
Stranger: I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
You: I feel fantastic
You: and I'm still alive
Stranger: While you're dying I'll be still alive.
You: And when you're dead I will be still alive
Stranger: still alive
You: still alive

[Dakk]

Probably the only use for omegle is tricking gullibe people into thinking you're a cosmic horror. I once convinced someone I was a AI from the future sent to tell him how to survive the incoming nuclear fallout.

[axus]

My Mom (based on my brother's descriptions), described it as a game where dwarves mine for rare gems, gold, and magical artifacts, and wage giant fantasy battles.