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[sonerohi]

Civil engineer, playin with the piping, this fellow was.

[Vector]

@Strife: sort of like a caltrop?

[Kanil]

Caltrops are a seriously good idea.

[cowofdoom78963]

beartraps wont kill him. Where do you get such a silly Idea like that?

[userpay]

Next time grab a video camera and follow the guy, then turn the video over to the police. If the shotgun you have maynot be legal get a new one with rocksalt shells.

[Solifuge]

I'm not entirely sure all of you really understand what happened in my yard.  He wasn't taking a dump.  The magazine wasn't light reading material.  He was pantless with a magazine (in my yard) for a different reason.

Sadly, that's exactly what I first assumed, but dismissed as dirty-minded. What you needed was a conveniently placed Hornet Nest, and a few rocks. Bleeeghhh.

However, any mental unpleasantness from that has been supplanted by OMG Hedgehog Cuteness.

Spoiler: This sums up my experience quite concisely (click to show/hide)

[Cthulhu]

Do you hunt?  You need to kill a deer, skin it and cut off its limbs so it's just a torso, then split the ribcage open and hang it all from the back of your house.  Put a sign on it that said "It was masturbating in my backyard"

It'll smell for a while, but you're in Texas, I'm sure you people kill animals all the time.


Tangentially related, a few years ago I went to visit family in Kentucky.  They had caught a huge catfish and hung it from a tree, it was a day or two old and smelled horrible.  Next year we visited them again.  Still there, now a skeleton.  What.

[JoshuaFH]

I think you told us that story before Cthulhu.

[qwertyuiopas]

Do you have a fence? If so, set it up so that you can, with a pull of a microcline lever, drop a few bars in front of all exits. Then put a few bats in, and set it so that the doors unlock when all of them are dead.
While the intruder is fighting, quickly build an entire LoZ-themed dungeon from every exit, with a boss at the top...

[Cthulhu]

I think you told us that story before Cthulhu.

Well I don't have that many stories to tell.  I recycle.

[cowofdoom78963]

Just get some discouraging factors... So the guy would think it would be a better idea to polish his knob by the next house down the road.

[Ampersand]

Tangentially related, a few years ago I went to visit family in Kentucky.  They had caught a huge catfish and hung it from a tree, it was a day or two old and smelled horrible.  Next year we visited them again.  Still there, now a skeleton.  What.

That's pretty common here in Texas. In the poorer neighborhoods I used to have to drive through, I'd see either fish skeletons, or fish in various states of decay hanging from lines tied between trees every couple houses.

[Jude]

I'm not entirely sure all of you really understand what happened in my yard.  He wasn't taking a dump.  The magazine wasn't light reading material.  He was pantless with a magazine (in my yard) for a different reason.

Well, I've also seen crackheads doing that. Also, getting head on the subway from other crackheads. Well, my friend saw that, but still.

Also, there may or may not sometimes be jizz presumably belonging to a crackhead, on benches in the subways.

[Jackrabbit]

Civil engineer, playin with the piping, this fellow was.

I hate you for making me laugh.

[Sensei]

Considered pet skunks? You get the stink glands removed of course, and to my knowledge after that they're just large cats for all you care. Of course, anyone who considers jerking off in your yard probably won't know they have their stink glands removed...