I'm extremely stressed out. I'm running short on money. I only have enough to make rent for December, and that's pretty much it. I'm having an unexpectedly hard time finding a new job, I thought I'd be able to find one quickly with how starved the job market seemed to be, but I'm just having trouble.
I'm just really disappointed in myself. I'm looking around, and I can see where I could have put more effort, where I could have jealously guarded my savings even more than I already do, where my dismal outlook on life made me unmotivated where normal people are; I'm just really upset, I'm such a chump and a loser.
I don't even want to lay out the specifics, just because anyone could point and deduce that I put myself into this situation and I deserve all the grief. I could have averted all of this had I not quit the job I had, but the thought of continuing the stress from that job makes me sick. I can't help but think that if DnD hadn't been cancelled that one day in September, I wouldn't have been riding my bike that day, and I wouldn't have flipped my bike and hurt my elbows, and the pain from that injury wouldn't have pushed me over the edge to quitting, and I might have stuck with it a bit longer, and I wouldn't been tearing my hair out over my money troubles right now. But... Just fuck me, no matter how you boil it down, it's all my fault.
I'm probably going to have to cut my internet, since I just don't have the money for it for December. That'd give me just the tiniest bit of leeway to make it to 2022... if my most recent job applications fall through again and I can't get anything going, I'm going to be in serious trouble.
The stress and anxiety of it is making me sick. It's a lot of stress to suffer through to try to continue a life that doesn't seem to be worth living anyway.