Trying to quit drinking is *annoying* me. It had become such a habit. It hasn't exactly been a hard 5 days, I guess, I just keep thinking about it. It's ironically a lot like, random f'ing example, wanting to compulsively check a Discord but not being able to. Or a webcomic or something, I guess. It's a habit.
Seltzer helps, I guess. Ginger ale helps more since it burns (and is diet and alcohol-free, to be clear) but I haven't used any yet. 5 days. Sleeping fitfully, dreaming... a lot, but it's mostly good so far. Noticeably healthier too, which I guess is nice, but I've been too distracted to really appreciate it. Constantly distracting myself to avoid thinking about the, ah, reason I quit.
This annoyed mixed mood might be for the best, though. Not manic, not really depressed. Just annoyed and staying distracted. Handling the emotional fallout slowly, carefully.
I think I'm going to need more time. Which is fine, I kinda expected I would. Body's healing, mind's healing.
And, there it is... heartache.
Last night I dreamed about tumbling through a dark void in a tin can spaceship, but I wasn't alone. I was in constant radio contact, I was just a sucky pilot. Your typical "dangerous driving" dream with a cosmic twist. Concern about my direction in life. That's a fine dream, I'm used to that. Give me more like that. Not the heartache, not yet.
Pfeh, this looks like a drunk post, but it's not. This sort of thing was always in me, alcohol just lowered my filters for sharing it. I don't plan to stop expressing my emotions. I'm just going to stop getting drunk and doing it poorly.