Thanks, though I'm not sure how much I can ever claim credit for any wisdom as being my own, I would not be who I am without the people around me or before me.
Somewhat on that note and a personal one... 2016 has opened for me surprisingly well, where 2015's the year everything went better than expected I now stand on the precipice of good fortune, where I can tip things one way or the other if I am equal parts diligent and lucky. Some sad melancholy has swept over me for some reason in the face of impending success. I've spent so much time taking joy in how much everything is awful offal that things going good even if only for a week or two may explain all this sadness, all I've lost and those I never got to say goodbye to before and after they died, and I've taken back up wandering grey streets to shite soulful busking in my head, hoping to one day see the likes of people like the disheveled fire juggler, georgian priestess or combat hobo.
Not likely, I don't think he survived winter two winters ago. I'll always remember the last thing we talked about, living with nothing and dying with nothing. Hope he's well, whatever his fate, same too with the juggler who only wanted to be a man of computers as a man without education. He had a lot of hope, much too much for his own good in this world. The georgian priestess had much in common with the nigerian preacher and even the ISIS family; lots of good will, zealous faith and a desire to help all willing to listen in their own ways. Much different from my newest acquaintances, who carry zealous humanism with their goodwill, and considerably more affluence with profitable charity and ambitious integrity, some things I had thought paradoxes. None of my oldest and newest friends killed themselves and are doing good, the ones I were properly worried about even doing humongous u-turns into healthy lives independent from the metaphorical cancers in their hearts and in their midst. I even got to see nearly all my oldest friends twice over in some rustic (by metropolis standards) pub with warm lights mocking the one who'd come down from Dundee, the cheeky hobbit. My family both close and large is growing closer, I even still have a great-grandfather and grandparents living from ages of pictures, shillings and their own survival, who I've got much to thank for and still can.
Only once given into anger and always holding onto determined grit like roadmelters in a tundra, never took up several attractive propositioners and propositions whom I would've done as I did last year but did not, never turned my back on promises, people and sacrifices I kept, I don't know if I'll ever get anywhere but I'm moving on anyways, sadness is upon me, madness in my blood, crassness in the world, I've never felt more alive and yet I've not stopped living the same life in the same world.
Sometimes I just need to step back from cold numbers and the politik of survival and look up from my oats and poultry to ask myself what am I doing? It's a thoughtful sadness. We keep building castles in the sand and we never give up, it is in human nature to invent such things as medicine to disrupt the natural order, because we can do better. Sure we may fail, but we try and keep trying, enough people never giving up on the world no matter how much crap it dumps on us and how little reason it gives us to live, enough people to make a difference. Whether there is some higher purpose or we're just coasting on this flash of time on this speck of cosmic dust, I really can find no better words for it. We don't have eternity to be good, whatever being good is. But we have got now! And to me that means the world.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9745676 times)